Recap / Steven Universe: Future S1E19 "I Am My Monster"

Everyone is here!

"We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven!"

— Connie

The episode begins with Bismuth and Peridot cleaning up the damage in Little Homeworld from "Everything's Fine" when they begin to feel the ground shake. Everyone turns and notices a giant pink monster looming over them and roaring. Noticing that it is on the beach, Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot warp over to the Beach House and announce that reinforcements have arrived but are confused when they see the entire front wall demolished.

As they walk outside, they see Connie, Greg, and the Crystal Gems trying to reach out to the monster. Joining their friends, Peridot announces that they are ready to fight, but Garnet declines this, confusing them. Lapis notices that Steven isn't there, and Garnet says to them, "That is Steven.", to their horror. Steven bashes his head against the cliff of the temple, causing a small rockslide. As the group runs out of the way, Amethyst explains that they can't get him to listen, while Pearl is confused about what has happened to him. As Connie questions if they can change him back to normal, Garnet claims that as long as Steven thinks he's a monster, he will stay one.

Steven begins to move toward Beach City, with Bismuth noting that they have to keep him away from town. Garnet tells Connie to try and keep the citizens safe, telling Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot to try and lure him to sea; she then fuses with Pearl and Amethyst, forming Alexandrite.

As Steven tries to climb over the lighthouse and towards Beach City, Alexandrite jumps on him and covers his eyes. In response, Steven begins to move and squirm around, bashing Alexandrite between him and the hill, forcing her to unfuse. Peridot uses her powers to move her and Bismuth through the air and hit Steven, getting his attention; Peridot immediately apologizes, and Steven jumps out to the ocean to attack them. With him now in the water, Lapis forms a whirlpool and launches some water chains to restrain Steven, keeping him from moving any further.

Lapis informs the team that she can't hold him for long. As the group looks on, Amethyst questions what to do next, with Pearl adding that they can't leave him as a giant monster, and Garnet stating that they must reach him and bring him out. Amethyst remarks in frustration that Steven would have done the best job at doing the latter. They then see the Diamond Ship landing beside them, while the Diamonds and Spinel ask if this is a bad time. Spinel exits the ship with Steven's flip-flop in hand, saying he forgot it, and is blown away as she notices the monster in the ocean. As the Diamonds follow her and notice Steven themselves, White states that something bad is always happening whenever they visit Earth. When Blue Diamond asks what the monster is, Garnet informs them, to their shock, that it is Steven.

Yellow attempts to use her powers to try and revert Steven's physical form to his normal self, but this proves to be ineffective. Despite shrinking his head, it immediately reverts to full size before Yellow ceases attempting to return his form. Blue uses her clouds of joy in the hopes of calming him, but Steven forces the cloud directly towards Yellow and Spinel, causing them to burst out laughing in regards to Blue's failed attempt at curing Steven.

White then insists that she can help Steven and understand what he's going through if she can connect with him. Using her power to try and get through to Steven, he proves to be far too powerful for her to handle, and so she too fails. With a scream, she collapses as Yellow and Blue catch her, at which point she exclaims that the monster is no longer Steven. Lapis struggles even more with restraining Steven, and as his eyes and spikes glow, he lets out a furious roar that pushes everyone back and breaks the water chains holding him. This predicament goes so far as to force Garnet to unfuse.

As Steven walks towards them, the Cluster's hand emerges from the cracks in the earth caused by Steven, preventing him from coming closer to everyone else. Despite the Cluster's strength, Peridot realizes that Steven is stronger than the Cluster and will overpower it soon. Pearl says that despite the "monster" he is, Steven is still in there and must be feeling very angry at himself and everything that's happened around him.

Amethyst regrets that she wasn't there to help Steven when he needed it, whereas Ruby and Sapphire cry over the thought of him staying a monster permanently if they can't get through to him. Amethyst tells Greg that he needs to leave and get somewhere safe. Greg refuses however, as he claims despite this being a Gem-centered problem, which he has always run from, Steven is his still his son; he feels that he neglected him by not protecting him from all the trauma he experienced. Spinel and the Diamonds all burst out in tears at the hand they played in Steven's trauma, with Blue and Yellow initially taking blame only for White to argue with Spinel about who should be more at fault for Steven's mental breakdown. Spinel laments that she wanted him to die alone after wiping his powers and his friends' memories, while White Diamond notes that she neglected and abused not only Steven and Pink Diamond but all the gems in the galaxy.

Suddenly, Connie replies that while it is their fault, grieving and self-blame will not solve the problem. She points out that Steven has always put everyone's feelings before his own, and that they've had him around when they needed him, and Connie says that this time, he needs them. This motivates Ruby and Sapphire to fuse into Garnet once again, and she devises a plan to get Steven back to normal.

Steven overpowers the Cluster, sending it back into the Earth's core. Here, Garnet sets her plan into action by having Yellow make her the same size as him as Blue lifts up everyone on her clouds. The group rushes at Steven as he makes a break for shore. Garnet leaps towards Steven, giving him a hug and explaining calmly she wants to help him as he struggles to escape her arms, and he finally comes to a stop. Everyone hugs him and shares their feelings about all that he's done for them and how they can understand different facets of what he feels, wishing to help him overcome these problems. Even the Cluster grabs his hand, showing that they care for him too.

Connie comes up to him last, stating that she understands everything he went through and how he was scared to show his more negative side to those close to him. She reassures that everyone will always be with him, as he was always there for them. As she notes she doesn't have his healing powers, she kisses him to comfort him as the scene cuts to black, a pink droplet punctuating the darkness. The scene then illuminates to show pink drops falling into the ocean as Steven cries from everyone's touching words and unconditional love for him. His tears start to glow, followed by the rest of him as he starts to transform back.

As the scene fades to white, Steven has fully returned back to normal. He wakes up, covered in a sheet, to find all of his friends and family standing over him, everybody standing on the Cluster's open hand and happy to have him back to normal. Steven starts to remorsefully tear up over realizing what he turned into, but then Lion licks him in comfort. This causes Steven to feel a little better, and he finally lets out his emotions, sobbing as he clings to Lion.

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Tropes:

• Ambiguous Situation: Blue Diamond asks if Steven's transformation happened because he was corrupted. Garnet dismisses the semantics as irrelevant, and they end up bringing him back regardless.
• And Then John Was a Zombie: Steven turns into a giant monster much like the corrupted gems he'd already cured, though it's ambiguous if he became literally corrupted like they were.
• Apologetic Attacker: Peridot apologizes to Monster Steven after she and Bismuth hit him. Lapis also apologizes when she throws a wave in his face, stopping him long enough for everyone to give him a Cooldown Hug.
• Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Steven has turned into a giant monster. To help stop him and return him to normal, Garnet has Yellow Diamond make her as big as him.
• Back for the Finale: After being absent throughout the movie and Future, with only a mention by Yellow Diamond about potentially restoring the individual Gems that compose it in "Homeworld Bound", the Cluster reappears to help deal with Stevenzilla.
• Behemoth Battle: Monster Steven gets to fight with Alexandrite and the Cluster. The former is defeated almost immediately, the latter manages to restrain him long enough for Connie to give a Rousing Speech and Garnet to hatch a plan how to stop Monster Steven before he can go on a rampage. Also defied by Garnet, who, after getting turned into a Giant Woman by Yellow Diamond, instead of fighting Steven, gives him a Cooldown Hug.
• Big "WHAT?!": Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth all say this at once when Garnet tells them that the monster they're fighting is actually Steven.
• The Big Damn Kiss: The final key to uncorrupting Steven is Connie giving him a soft kiss.
• Blunt "Yes": After White Diamond proclaims she's the cause of Steven's suffering.
  White Diamond: This is all my fault!
  Connie: YES! It IS!
• Book Ends: The first, and final, threat of the series is a Corrupted Gem. The rub here is that the final one is a corrupted Steven.
• Broken Tears: Both before and after Steven returns to his usual self, he sheds these before he breaks down sobbing.
• Buffy Speak: When Spinel says Steven forgot his sandal, she calls it a foot-thong-thingy.
• Call-Back:
  • The Diamonds and Spinel arrive at both the best and worst possible moment, with White again asking, "is this a bad time?" Even White lampshades it when she and the others see Monster Steven upon leaving their ship.
    White Diamond: Why is something like this always happening when we show up for a visit?
  • A crying Yellow Diamond wipes her tears in the exact same manner she did early on in "Legs From Here to Homeworld".
  • When Pearl hugs Monster Steven, she tells him that she understands his situation, in that he kept a part of [him]self secret". She did the same with the truth about Pink Diamond, as seen in "A Single Pale Rose".
• Catch-22 Dilemma: Amethyst points out that Steven would be the best at talking down someone who turned into a monster, except this time Steven is that monster. Connie even points out "the only one who never had Steven is Steven."
• The Chain of Harm: Lampshaded by White during everyone's little internal Blame Game, noting how her abuse of Yellow and Blue led to their abuse of Pink which led to her abuse of her subjects, which in turn lead to everything Steven's gone through and thus the current situation.
• Chekhov's Gun: The Diamonds and Spinel arrive on Earth to return the sandal Steven dropped when running away two episodes ago.
• Cooldown Hug: Monster Steven is cured by the Crystal Gems, the Diamonds, and Spinel all giving him one of these. Even the Cluster gets in on it by gently holding his hand. It really kicks in when Connie gives him a kiss.
• "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot: The Diamonds and Spinel lament that if they hadn't hurt Steven and listened to him, then he wouldn't have his trauma.
• Couldn't Find a Tissue: When Spinel cries over the regret of the pain that she had caused him, she ends up blowing her nose right into her own pigtails.
• Cross-Referenced Titles: To "I Am My Mom".
• Cue the Sun: The sun emerges from the clouds during Connie's rousing speech.
• Curb Stomp Cushion: The Cluster manages to hold off Steven long enough for everyone else to give him a Cooldown Hug. Even so, Peridot notes it's only buying the group time.
• Empathic Environment: When the situation looks hopeless and the group starts blaming themselves for Steven's problems, the sky turns overcast and gloomy. When Connie starts her Rousing Speech to snap them out of it, the sun starts breaking through.
• Everybody Cries: Ruby and Sapphire start crying because Steven will stay like a monster forever if they can't get through to him, while Spinel and the Diamonds all start crying Tears of Remorse about how it's all their fault for Steven's suffering.
• Failed a Spot Check: The Diamonds and Spinel apparently didn't see the giant monster the Crystal Gems were fighting as they landed their ships on the beach, since they only reacted to it upon leaving their ship.
• Formula-Breaking Episode: The whole conflict against Monster Steven is one of the few moments in the entire series where we don't see things through Steven's perspective.
• Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Connie yells at everyone to stop crying over their guilt and figure out what they can do to help Steven.
• Group Hug: Steven's friends and family give him a giant group hug (literally) to calm him down.
• Heroic Self-Deprecation:
  • Peridot's ego cracks as she joins in everyone trying to support Steven.
    Peridot: Steven, you never gave up on me for some reason I don't understand! I'll do the same for you!
  • Steven is blatantly trying not to discuss his real emotional problems with his family, owing to a sense of not wanting them to worry. When the truth comes out anyway, Steven reveals that he's been carrying a lot on his conscience, considering himself a failure and a monster just like his mother. White Diamond notes that she can't reach Steven, and when Steven manages to turn back to normal, he starts crying Broken Tears.
• Holding Hands:
  • When White is knocked back by Monster Steven's emotions, Yellow grabs hold onto one of her hands as she and Blue catch her.
  • This Cluster helps Steven during the Group Cooldown Hug by gently holding his hand.
• Hourglass Plot: Since the beginning of the series, Steven was the one who helped everyone during their moment of crisis and helped them to change their ways for the better. This time, everyone returns the favor by saving Steven from his corrupted form.
• "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight: Everyone has to go against Monster Steven who has been overtaken by his corrupted emotional state.
• Inelegant Blubbering: Spinel cries especially messy when it's her turn to break down, even using her pigtails to blow her nose into.
• It's All My Fault: When it seems like nothing can help Steven, everyone begins sobbing uncontrollably over how this is all their fault for not noticing the pain Steven was in or how much they hurt him in the past or hurt someone else that eventually hurt him now (in White Diamond's case, it goes all the way back to the way she treated Pink Diamond). Connie discourages such talk at this point because it amounts to finding a way to make things about yourself.
• Kaiju: Monster Steven is this, being the size of the mountain the Temple is built into. His overall appearance and his associated theme is even a homage to Godzilla.
• Karma Houdini Warranty: Steven in his normal form was willing to tolerate the Diamonds and Spinel despite their actions traumatizing him. In turn, they tried to indulge him without understanding what he needed. They're forced to see the consequences of their actions when Monster Steven lashes out at them. What's more, the Diamonds and Spinel apologize to Steven as they hug him.
• Karmic Jackpot: What ends up saving Steven from being stuck in his monster form forever is all the good he did in the past. The most significant characters Steven helped are there to be for him in his direst moment, giving back all the love he gave to them.
• Lampshade Hanging: When the Diamonds and Spinel see Monster Steven, White lampshades that it seems like every time they come visit, something like this is happening.
• Mega Maelstrom: Lapis creates one in order to contain Monster Steven. It doesn't last...
• The Mind Is a Plaything of the Body: White attempts to let Monster Steven into her head after his corruption to help heal him, only to be thrown back out. When Yellow and Blue ask what happened, White's reaction is to shout "That's not Steven anymore!"
• Naked on Revival: Because his clothing was destroyed by his transformation, Steven awakens covered in a blanket.
• No-Sell: None of the Diamonds' new powers have any effect on Steven in his transformed state, nor do their combined efforts with Alexandrite and the Cluster.
• Not Hyperbole: White's breakdown about being responsible for everything and hurting "everyone in the universe" would be over-the-top dramatics... if it wasn't literally true.
• Now, Let Me Carry You: After saving the universe, after putting everyone else's needs over his own, after loving everyone else without asking for anything in return for so long, everyone, EVERYONE finally comes back to save Steven.
• Ocular Gushers: Spinel cries these and even uses her pigtails as tissues as she claims Steven's predicament to be all her fault.
• One-Winged Angel: Steven's emotional issues finally erupt, causing him to corrupt himself and turn into a pink mountain-sized, rampaging monster resembling Godzilla.
• Only Sane Man: While everyone else breaks down when they realize just how badly they have been handling Steven's needs, Connie is the one who snaps them out of their self-pity.
• Poke in the Third Eye: When White Diamond tries using her Willing Channeler power on Monster Steven, her eyes shoot pink before she collapses.
  White Diamond: That's not Steven anymore!
• The Power of Love: Steven is brought back to normal by a Group Hug combined with Connie's Big Damn Kiss.
• Rousing Speech: Connie shakes the Gems out of their shame and self-pity with one of these:
  Connie: Yes, you hurt him, but this isn't the time to make this all about you! That is not helping! Maybe Steven would care about how sad you are, because he always puts everyone else's feelings first! But he can't do that for you right now, because he needs us this time! We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven. He's always been there for us, so... how can we be there for him now?
• Shapeshifting Excludes Clothing: Turning into a giant monster destroyed Steven's clothes. When he wakes up, he has a blanket draped over him.
• Stopping the Blame Game: Inverted, as everyone involved blames themselves for what happened to Steven, even deflecting the blame from others instead of towards them. Connie puts a stop to this by saying how it's not the time.
• Take Our Word for It: It's never revealed what White Diamond saw while using her powers on Monster Steven, but whatever she saw, it was horrific enough to convince her that that wasn't him anymore.
• Taking the Bullet: Parodied when Yellow Diamond, with Spinel on her shoulder, pushes Blue Diamond away from getting hit her by her own happiness cloud, prompting them to burst out into laughter upon the cloud smacking into them instead.
• Talking the Monster to Death: Everyone talks to Steven to calm him down and assure him they are there for him during their Cooldown Hug.
• Team Power Walk: The promo image has the main gang (sans Jasper and Steven himself) walking towards the viewer with grim determination.
• Tears of Joy: Everyone when Steven finally returns to normal.
• Tired of Running: When told to go to safety, Greg says that every time some Gem-related threat happened he would stay out of it, but now that his son is in real danger, he resolves to stay and help.
• The Worf Effect: Alexandrite, the Diamonds, and even the Cluster are unable to stop Monster Steven. The only way they're able to cure him is with a Cooldown Hug.
• You Are Not Alone: The core of this episode. During the Cooldown Hug, everyone comforts Monster Steven and assures him they still love him and they won't abandon him, even after seeing his "not so nice" side of himself. Their words of unconditional love finally reach him and he turns back to normal.
• You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Amethyst says this when the Diamonds and Spinel show up while they are in the middle of dealing with Steven.

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