Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / Jerkass Gods

Go To

    open/close all folders 

    Anime and Manga 
[Beerus is about to destroy the Earth]
Goku: Wait! Don't do it, Beerus!
Beerus: You have yourself to blame.
Goku: Are billions of lives just disposable toys for you to play with?!
Beerus: But of course they are, Goku. I'm a deity. What's more important: one backwater world, or a battle of gods? It's not even a question.

PunPun: Is there any way for mom and dad to be nice to each other again?

"Now, there is a big difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament, and that is the New Testament God is really kind of a great guy. He is, especially when you compare him to the Old Testament God, who is a prick. I don't know what happened to God over time, how he matured, if he went to an anger management class, or maybe just the birth of his son calmed him down. But before he had the kid, holy fuck he was out of control."
Lewis Black, Red, White and Screwed

    Comic Books 
"The [Old] Gods don't give a damn about us!"
Uxas, Darkseid

"The gods are such petty fools. None moreso than me."
Loki, Thor (2014)

    Fan Works 
"You so-called gods and higher powers are all the same; you're a bunch of selfish dirt-bags who don't care about anything but yourselves!"
Buffy to Jasmine, Bring Me to Life

Seth: Died instantly?
Jacob: Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on.
Seth: Yeah, those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?
Jacob: Yes, they do.

"Are there no gods... no Buddha? If you exist, hear me. You are mischievous and cruel! Are you so bored up there you must crush us like ants? Is it such fun to see men weep?"
Kyoami, Ran

Jon: I do not know. And if the gods are good, I never will.
Tormund: The gods are seldom good, Jon Snow.

In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They haven’t got the imagination. Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

    Live-Action TV 
"The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where's the god of tits and wine?"
Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

High Sparrow: You would spill blood in this holy place?
Jaime Lannister: The gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined.

This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Claudius: Why are you so anxious to become a goddess?
Livia: Oh, don't you understand? Claudius, do you believe that the souls of great criminals suffer eternal torment?
Claudius: Certainly.
Livia: But that the immortal gods, whatever crimes they have committed, are free from fear of punishment?
Claudius: Of course. Jove deposed his father, killed one of his grandsons and incestuously married his own sister. He's the greatest god of all.

"Sebaceans once had a god called Djancaz-Bru. Six worlds prayed to her. They built her temples, conquered planets in her name. And one day she rose up and destroyed all six worlds. And as the last warrior was dying, he said, "We gave you everything. Why did you destroy us?" And she looked down upon him and she whispered: "Because I can"."
— Aeryn Sun, Farscape, "Prayer"

    Tabletop Games 
Omnipotent, immortal, sometimes petty, and always beyond understanding, the gods are the perfect manifestation of the end of the world. Whatever scares you, whatever you think could destroy the world, it's represented through one set of myths or another. For everything from conflicts between two world powers, to environmental disasters, to misunderstandings across cultural boundaries, there's a metaphor to be found in eschatological scenarios of the world's myths. In many ways, the gods of the world's mythologies embody all the worst aspects of humanity pushed to eleven: self-concerned, merciless, and wrathful.
The End of the World: Wrath Of The Gods

And Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightning, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
Hedwig and the Angry Inch, "The Origin of Love"

"As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods, they kill us for their sport."
Gloucester, King Lear, Act IV, Scene 1

    Video Games 
Gods ain't gonna help you, son
You'll be sorry for what you done.
Them gods gonna hurt you, son
When you play with a loaded gun.
They ain't gonna catch you when you fall.
You'll be pleading
While you're bleeding.
Bastion The Pantheon (Ain't Gonna Catch You)

"'Hell take me?' It is a saying from my village and the region about. These Deathless are the gods; they claim to rule the earth and the heavens. And so, when we die, we wish for a place where they are not. Better the pains of hell than living in heaven beneath the Deathless."
Siris, Infinity Blade: Awakening

Guardian of the Park: *After a giant concrete mascot changes direction in midair, saving a girl* The power of the gods! The power of the gods saved that little girl!
Sissel: ...And then that same power very deliberately crushed you instead?

"Yes, you did sign up to be turned into a porcupine and chased by a berserk blink frog."
##crawl learndb describing Xom, Dungeon Crawl

"Once, the Lord of Light banished Dark, and all that stemmed from Humanity. And men assumed a fleeting form. These are the roots of our world! Men are props on the stage of life, and no matter how tender, how exquisite... A LIE WILL REMAIN A LIE!"
Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin, Dark Souls II

Atreus: Why do you hate Thor so much?
Spirit: After my father passed, my mother built the statue to watch over his grave. Imagine our surprise when the God of Thunder himself came to offer condolences! At first we were thrilled, but he quickly took advantage of our hospitality. My mother begged him to leave, and Thor, in his drunken rage, killed her. I was left with nothing but grief. Eventually, I lost that as well... and found only rage in its place.
Kratos: The spirit...
Atreus: The one whose Mom was killed by Thor? What about him?
Kratos: Let his story be a reminder. The lives of Men mean nothing to the gods.

"Let me tell you the one truth about what it means to be a god: it is to be the lion in a world of lambs. It is about power, and power is not given. It is taken. With your all-seeing eyes and your all-consuming teeth."

God: [After Pandora's Box is opened] Haaaa! I can't believe that worked!
Goddess: If you want evil why don't you just release it yourself?
God: It's so much worse if it's their fault.

    Web Original 
Who would ever worship someone as abusive as Zeus is?
You're ruthless to Humans!
Your crew is like the Clash Of The Douches!

"God in this movie is a dick. The movie is supposed to be about Evan being some major asshole and through his experience of building the ark he is supposed to get his comeuppance and grow as a person. In some cases like The Santa Clause that works... But God in this movie takes it upon himself to personally f*ck over Evan taking away his job, money, friends, associates, and also to punish him in a myriad of ways for his own personal jollies. Evan really doesn't deserve all this crap and it is odd that I feel sorry for this sad pathetic man who really doesn’t deserve a tenth of what he is really getting. That’s not the sign of a good movie is it? Feeling bad for the person who is supposedly getting their much deserved lesson/comeuppance? If I were being a real prick, I would ask why God is saving some 20 people from a flood in the suburbs and he let Katrina go no problem?"

"The root problem with Christianity is that their God is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit you have to come up with all kinds of wacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative limbless agony for eighteen years. Ancient cultures didn't have that problem - they knew their gods were a bunch of drunken lunatics who ran around boning their close relatives and turning their goolies into fruit-bearing trees."
Yahtzee Croshaw, Zero Punctuation

    Real Life 
The Greeks got it right, the Greeks understood perfectly that if there were divine beings, they are capricious, unkind, malicious, temperamental, envious, and mostly deeply unpleasant.

You can find things in the traditional religions which are very benign and decent and wonderful and so on, but I mean, the Bible is probably the most genocidal book in the literary canon. The God of the Bible, not only did He order His chosen people to carry out literal genocide—I mean, wipe out every Amalekite to the last man, woman, child, and, you know, donkey and so on, because hundreds of years ago they got in your way when you were trying to cross the desert— not only did He do things like that, but, after all, the God of the Bible was ready to destroy every living creature on earth because some humans irritated Him. That's the story of Noah. I mean, that's beyond genocide; you don't know how to describe this creature. Somebody offended Him, and He was going to destroy every living being on earth? And then He was talked into allowing two of each species to stay alive, that's supposed to be gentle and wonderful.
Noam Chomsky


How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: