Human Resources Creatures
The Hormone Monsters
- Allegorical Character: They're one for puberty as a whole, and represent the teenage's Id and most base instincts of fighting and screwing.
- Anti-Mentor: Pretty much every Hormone Monster depicted so far is one of these. While they encourage sexual activity, they also tend to try to push their kids to become juvenile delinquents. Nick, Andrew and Jessi in particular are prone to complain that their Hormone Monsters are more of a hindrance than a help.
- Anything That Moves: Both of them find everything sexual and seem to be attracted to all genders. Maurice openly acknowledge he finds tomatoes and sneezes sexy things.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Their whole purpose is to lead people to embrace their basic emotions, usually encouraging extreme selfishness and downright immoral behaviour in name of sex, violence or attention. Yet, even they have lines they won't cross, like porn addiction.
- Fat Bastard: Maurice and Connie both have noticeably big guts, although Mo's is more of a beer belly while Connie is just curvy.
- Horned Humanoid: Maurice has one horn on the top of his head, while Connie has two.
- Long-Lived: Maury claims to have come into existence when life first developed on Earth and Connie mentioned they used to live on the ancient continent, Pangaea.
- Not-So-Imaginary Friend: It varies, but they seem to be at least partially real, or at least real to the ones they are dealing with, with Nick being able to talk with Maurice when he wants to be talked to. It's known that Matthew is good friends with Maurice and that the special kid in school is capable of seeing Maurice and that he knows his name. Similarly, Lola at one point appears to answer to Connie's passionate Rousing Speech with an amen.
- Toxic Friend Influence: Zigzagged. Sometimes, they are a grounding presence in the kids' lives, but they also often push them to embrace their nastier instincts, like their hedonistic tendencies, and in Jessi's case even shoplifting.
- Unresolved Sexual Tension: If their make out on "Head Pusher" is anything to go by, they still have feelings for each other and are clearly attracted to each other despite their troublesome past. As seen in the finale, Maurice still has a tattoo of Connie's name on his forearm.
- Working with the Ex: Connie and Maurice dated back when Pangaea was still around, but broke up due to issues. They still have to work together as they have to deal with children who are involved with each other, specially in regards to Missy and Andrew's romance.
The monster that guides men through puberty.
- Affectionate Nickname: People close to him call him "Maury".
- Amazon Chaser: He's in an on-off relationship with the assertive Connie and encourages Andrew to think about Susan's "sinewy arms" while he's mastrubating.
- Astonishingly Appropriate Appearance: His nose looks like a flaccid dick.
- Berserk Button: He does not take kindly to being called the puberty fairy.
- Bizarre Alien Biology: He has several dicks. Several disembodied, featureless, fuzzy (not hairy, fuzzy, as in, "completely covered in fur") dicks that he carries around in a bag. Also, at least one of them talks. That same dick we've seen talking is also Jewish, but just that one. Also, he can use them as weapons by throwing them like shuriken. Yeah.
- Blatant Lies: When a minor earthquake happens, Maurice says he did it, then admits that he was taking credit "just like ISIS".
- Born as an Adult: Appeared fully formed at the same time life originated in Earth.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Andrew doubts his expertise but as the series goes on it's made clear that he's basically the only competent male hormone monster in the department.
- Catchphrase: When someone pisses Andrew off, he yells out, "RAGE!!! RAGE!!! FUCKING RAGE!!!!" Borrowed by Andrew in "My Furry Valentine".
- Chivalrous Pervert: The most sex-obsessed member of the entire cast, he's even willing to have sex with a wall. He also has the kids' best interests at heart, and encourages them all to be comfortable in their own skin. He also tries to talk Andrew out of his porn habit, once it's become unhealthy.
- Depraved Bisexual: Admits that he'll sometimes screw guys. He once hate-fucked a decpitated head. You don't get more depraved than that.
- Everyone Has Standards:
Maury: Wow. Okay. Lot to process here.
- Sure, he's a depraved sex fiend who encourages all sorts of odd behavior from Andrew, but even he is left at a loss for words when Jay's sadistic brothers try to force them into a game of jizzcuit in exchange for porn.
Maury: Look, I know this all seems embarrassing now, boys, but maybe one day you'll look back on this fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.
- He's also quite disgusted on the notion of child porn.
Andrew: What? Like a show about a bunch of kids masturbating?
Nick: Isn't that basically just, like, child porn?
Maury: Holy shit! I hope not! I mean, maybe if it's animated we could get away with it...
- Hearing that the Shame Wizard collects Nazi dildos disgusts him no end.
- Maurice is clearly uncomfortable with Andrew's idea of trying to prove Lars can walk and tries to dissuade him from doing it many times.
- Expy: He's somewhat of a cross between Roger Smith and The Red Guy.
- Guttural Growler: He has a deep, gravelly voice a'la Christian Bale's Batman.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Sacrificed himself to the Pornscape so Nick and Andrew would get out. He manages to come back by the end, stating that he fucked his way out of there.
- Insistent Terminology:
Maurice: Why is this so hard for you?!
- He is the "Hormone Monster". He even gets visibly pissed when Nick calls him the Puberty Fairy.
- It's a "Pornscape", not a Porn World. Again, he gets pissed at Nick for not using the term.
- Medium Awareness: He's the first and most frequent character to acknowledge that he's in a TV show.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: When Andrew gets with Lola, he develops an addictive personality.
- Parental Favoritism: While not a parent, he has that out of all the children he has to watch, he likes Matthew the most.
- Strange Minds Think Alike: He really likes to hang out with Jay, since the boy is a proud sex deviant, with a tendency to invent new things on the area of jacking off. Maurice takes notes on how he fucks his pillow claiming that Jay might be a genius.Maurice: You're a little freak. I like hanging out with you.
- Truth in Fiction: Maurice claims that if someone stays in the Pornscape for too long, they wont be able to connect to anyone on an emotional or sexual level. This is an actual symptom of porn addiction, which is what Andrew develops in the same episode.
- Voice of the Legion: Dips into this whenever he's angry.
The monster that guides women through puberty. At the end of season 2, she becomes Nick's new hormone monster, despite Nick being a boy.
- Bridge Bunny: The Star Wars parody skit in "The Planned Parenthood Show" had her filling this role as a parody of Chewbacca.
- Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Shows no fear over the Shame Wizard, shortly after Maurice was stumped by him.
- Expressive Hair: When pissed, her hair starts to float and behave like tentacles.
- Fiery Redhead: She's extremely feisty and sassy, and more than often exerts this influence over girls, especially Jessi. And at worst, she can be very ill-tempered and impetuous.
- Large Ham: While not as profane as Maurice, she strikes a lot of overly dramatic poses and speaks with the delivery of a fire-and-brimstone preacher.
- More Deadly Than the Male: Her influence on Jessi is arguably more volatile than Maury's is on the boys. In her first appearance, Connie convinced Jessi to act like an unstable brat around her mother with zero provocation. Maury on the other hand hasn't tried to turn Nick and Andrew against their own parents. Nick Kroll describes Maury as horniness and anger, with Connie being more nuanced and emotional.
- The Nicknamer: Often calls Jessi nicknames. Particularly foods, including Gyoza (Japanese dumplings) and Pupusa (Salvadorian stuffed tortilla). She extends the same treatment to Nick, calling him tortellini (Italian ring-shaped pasta) after she's assigned to him.
- Prehensile Hair: She can use her hair to grab and even lift Jessi and has total control over it.
- Rousing Speech: She gives one to Jessi in her Bat Mitzvah, when she freezes on the altar as she notices that her mother is sleeping with her Cantor. Connie states that she is a woman now, and she can take what the world throws at her in her boxy ass dress.
- Sassy Black Woman: Carries herself in this manner. Being voiced by Maya Rudolph helps.
- Skewed Priorities: Connie's main shortcoming as Jessi's Hormone Monstress is that she is so focused on encouraging general misbehavior that she doesn't consider whether or not it is actually puberty-related (e.g. shoplifting). This ultimately gets her taken off Jessi's case by Human Resources.
- Smells Sexy: Jessi mentions she smells great, to which she explains she doesn't uses deodorant and only takes bubble baths.
- Women Are Wiser: Compared to Maury, Rick and Tyler. She's nowhere near as promiscuous, inexperienced, and/or just plain weird.
An unwashed, beaten up male hormone monster with some, er, unique ideas on how human interactions and relationships work. He appears to be Coach Steve's personal Hormone Monster, which explains a lot.
- But Now I Must Go: He chooses to retire after Coach Steve finally has sex.
- Catchphrase: "What are you gonna do?"
- Elderly Immortal: Looks far older than both Maurice and Connie, despite all of them being presumably ageless beings as old as life on Earth itself. Then again, his signs of "age" might actually just come from a rougher life.
- One possible reason he's aged so badly is that he's been waiting 30 years for Coach Steve to lose his virginity.
- Expy: Of Gollum.
- Fun with Subtitles: In season 2, he gets automatic subtitles due to being The Unintelligible.Connie: Rick, I can never understand what you're saying.Rick: That's why they have subtitles.
- Hidden Depths: Apparently, he helped Maurice abandon for a short while, at least his Lovable Sex Maniac ways, off-screen. How he did that, being as perverted as your average hormone monster (just in a really awkward way), is a mystery. Of course, since most of the episode in which this occurs turns out to be a dream, this may be subverted.
- Nice Guy: While like all hormone monsters he condones violence and perversion he is overall a friendly, forgiving guy.
A younger and very naive newbie hormone monster that is assigned to Nick.
- Ass Shove: Gavin likes to put cigarettes up his butthole.Tyler: He calls it his asstray.
- Baby Talk: He often does this in an attempt to defuse Nick's anger at him by pretending to be cute.
- Beleaguered Assistant: To Gavin.
- Body Horror: The way his horn grows is shown to be quite painful.
- Fetish: He shows signs of having a mommy kink, constantly mentioning Nick's mom, calling Connie a "strong mommy" and even calling Elliot a "tiger mommy" when impressed with him.
- It's All About Me: Nick calls him out on the fact that his advice is only for his own pleasure, which benefits neither of them.
- The Mole: He is actually working for the Shame Wizard, believing him to be an actual nice guy and feeding him information.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Enjoys it when the Shame Wizard starts hitting him with a newspaper.
- Naïve Newcomer: Unlike the other Hormone Monsters, Tyler is a full newbie that has no prior experience before taking over as Nick's Hormone Monster and has very little knowledge of everything related to puberty.
- Youthful Freckles: He has a smattering of them to emphasize his youth and inexperience.
An "alpha male" Hormone Monster.
- Book Dumb: Needs Tyler to help him minimize Safari.
- The Bully: He enjoys kicking the shit out of Tyler both physically and emotionally.
- Ink-Suit Actor: His slick hair and eyebrows were clearly taken from his voice actor.
- Jerkass: He's an aggressive, swaggering asshole.
- Testosterone Poisoning: He's jacked and has a violent streak, hinting at steroid abuse.
The Shame Wizard
And to shine a naked light
On all the horrid things you do
And fill you with SHAME!
Debuting in Season 2, the Shame Wizard makes teens feel guilty.
- Anti-Villain: By the end of season 2, Andrew admits that shame is a part of life all need to deal with and may teach them to be better people, which is the Wizard's goal. Once the Shame Wizard drops his more villainous traits, he is able to work together with Andrew.
- Big Bad: He's the driving negative force of Season 2, and all characters start to have to deal with them as their actions call him forth.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: He talks directly to the audience over the "to be continued" screen at the end of "Dark Side of the Boob".
- Casting a Shadow: the Shame Wizard is able to teleport and manifest himself by using shadows in a given room.
- Catchphrase: "Shaaame..."
- Collector of the Strange: His hobby is collecting vintage Nazi dildos.
- Color Motif: While he doesn't wear green, he's connected to the color. Many of his appearances, especially when he is at his most threatening, have the whole show tinted in a green shade. Even the trial he puts Andrew through is in an entirely green court.
- Dastardly Whiplash: Has a pencil-thin moustache, large hooked nose, hunched posture and dark robes.
- Disc-One Final Boss: Despite being the Big Bad for most of Season 2, he gets defeated in the penultimate episode allowing Kitty to take over as the Final Boss.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He's a little upset by the racist treatment of Missy's American Girl doll, Maddie, by the company that made her.Maddie: I'm the only doll that doesn't come with a birthday!Shame Wizard: What this company has done to you is not right.
- Evil Brit: He has a British accent.
- Evil Laugh: On occasion, he releases a pretty masterful one.
- Foil: To the Hormone Monsters. While the Hormone Monsters represent the teenage Id, the Shame Wizard represents the teenage Superego.
- Coach Steve is this to him, with Steve's utter lack of shame confounding the Shame Wizard.
- Forehead of Doom: He's got a weird eggplant-shaped head with a large amount of space between his hairline and eyebrows.
- Friendly Enemy: Despite being the antithesis to the hormone monsters, he's able to converse with them on a casual basis.
- Hidden Depths: Likes Nazi dildos and did a cover of A Ha's "Take on Me".
- Humanoid Abomination: Not only does his appearance look slightly abnormal (elf ears and sharp teeth), but he can manifest through shadows and create countless doppelgangers of himself.
- Insane Troll Logic: Much how shame actually works, the Shame Wizard finds ways for people to feel guilty about things they shouldn't or that don't even have any way to be blamed for, which includes making Jessi feel like she was the cause for Trump's election as she was not sufficiently aggressive as a Hillary supporter.
- Knight of Cerebus: The show never had an antagonist or Big Bad prior to him coming along, and it shows that the second season, in part thanks to his antics, is much darker.
- Manipulative Bastard: As the embodiment of shame, he whispers in everyone's ears and makes everyone act against each other's, and their own, best interests.
- Mismatched Eyes: He has one hazel eye and one blue eye. There is a large scar over the hazel eye,suggesting it may be a replacement.
- Mommy Issues: He has a tense, troubled relationship with his mother.
- Necessary Evil: Sees himself as this, and is later agreed to be this. Yes, shame might be a bad feeling to have, but feeling shame will teach you to not do something again and without it, as he mentions in his song, humanity could revert to a depraved state of hedonism, which actually happens in the sleepover.
- Parental Abandonment: His father abandoned him, leading to severe issues in his adult life.
- Pet the Dog:
- He develops a friendship with Coach Steve, and keeps the drawing he made framed in his office.
- During his trial of Andrew, he allows a witness, who is a sock to smoke on the stand out of sympathy for what it went through with Andrew.
- He also appears to have some sympathy for Jessi's father, though he uses it to make Jessi feel guilty about shoplifting.
- Villain Has a Point: Although he takes things too far, he's right that an unrepentant human race devoid of guilt would not be a good thing.
- Villain Song: He gets a show-stopper worthy of Disney in "Dark Side of the Boob".
A creature from the depression department. She has been a outside consultant in Jessi's case, and tries to take over Jessi's guidance when she and Connie have a fallout.
- Allegorical Character: Of depression. She isolates Jessi from her friends and family and tries to keep her in a constant state of lazy indisposition. Even when she is defeated, Jessi still admits she needs to see a therapist.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: She shows up as disarming and even somewhat pleasant and friendly, but once that Jessi is under her thumb, she shows herself controlling and very antagonistic.
- Cats Are Mean: Doesn't get more mean than to basically trying to drive someone to suicide.
- Final Boss: She is the last threat faced in Season 2, well after the Shame Wizard had become weaker and sympathetic.
- Foil: To the Shame Wizard, who was the Big Bad for most of Season 2, Kitty was introduced right at the end and serves as a sort of Final Boss for the same season. Where as the Wizard starts as a fully evil and antagonistic being, he ends as a sort of Anti-Villain that not only has a sympathetic backstory and understandable motives but is ultimately able to befriend both Andrew and Maurice, Kitty is much more apparently nice and pleasant, her suggestions to Jessi make her feel instantly comfortable, but she is much more devious, wanting Jessi to lose connection to her friends, family and goals and instate depression on her, and all the kids and monsters run away from her, as Jessi seeks help in therapy to get rid of her fully.
- Knight of Cerebus: Like the Shame Wizard, every of her appearances makes the show darker.
- Shout-Out: Bears a striking resemblance to the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, specifically it's Disney's incarnation, down to a similar color palette and fur pattern. As well as the way she first approaches Jessi: suddenly appearing behind her.
The Ghost of Duke Ellington
The spirit of Duke Ellington living in the attic of the Birch household, where he died. Andrew and Nick often go to him for advice, which he gives with convoluted and bizarre analogies to his life.
- Bait-and-Switch: At one point, he tells Nick the hypothetic scenario of him firing someone from his band for being gay, leading the man to commit suicide. Nick is surprised and the viewer is led to believe that's something that Duke did. Duke however says it was all hypothetical, because he loved having gay bandmates, as they attract women that Duke can then flirt with without competition.
- Conspiracy Theorist: According to him Stevie Wonder faked his blindness and 9/11 was an conspiracy organized by Jews.
- The Obi-Wan: Serves a mentor to the kids.
- Out of Focus: Gradually becomes this as the series progresses and the kids interact with an increasing number of Hormone Monsters and the Shame Wizard, likely due to Jordan Peele's increasingly busy schedule.
- The Pollyanna: For a guy stuck in limbo, he's pretty cheerful. Given that he's not damned to haunt a single spot like ghosts in fiction normally do, he's probably not that inconvenienced.
Jay's pillow, whom he has sex with.
The manifestation of Missy's self-loathing.
- Enemy Within: Exists to make Missy feel bad about her lack of physical development.
- Shadow Archetype: While Missy is sweet and optimistic, Evil Missy is a Jerkass.
- The Man in the Mirror Talks Back: The basic concept of her character.
- I'm Melting!: What happens when Missy finally overcomes her self-loathing
Missy's celebrity crush.
- As Himself: With the obligatory Adam Westing.
- Celeb Crush: Naturally, but it goes a bit beyond that. Though Missy's hormone monster is also supposed to be Connie, Nathan Fillion fills in a kind of pseudo-Hormone Monster role to distinguish her more from Jessi.
- Composite Character: Missy pictures him as a cross between Mal from Firefly and Castle.
- Love Triangle: Both Missy and Andrew fantasize about Andrew competing with Nathan Fillion for her affections.
- MayDecember Romance: Andrew points out that Nathan is over 30 years older than Missy.
Suzette & Brad
Suzette is a motel pillow and Brad is a couch cushion. Jay has sex with both of them.
- Bi the Way: Brad is into guys, but will have sex with Suzette even if Jay isn't involved.
- Pair the Suitors: Suzette initially gets jealous of Brad, but as soon as they meet she develops an attraction to him. Jay then has a threeway with them.
- Put on a Bus: The stress of trying to please both of them convinces Jay that they should break up.