Self Demonstrating / Bowser

Sorry to crash your tiny troping party, but I'll be sure to make it a LOT more fun! GWAHAHAHA!

(For any wimps who speak English, you oughta read this in the voice of Harvey Atkin, Marc Graue, Rob Wallace, Scott Burns, Patrick Pinney, Christopher Collins, Christopher Hewett, Kenny James, Dennis Hopper, Tigura21, ProZD, or Jack Black. For the Japanese punks, read this in Akiko Wada, Masaharu Satō, or Kenta Miyake's voice. Think up anyone who isn't my voice,^note unless you have a good idea about who should be, and I'll be sure to drop a Bob-omb brigade right at your door! Now, what else... Oh yeah! For added effect, put on one of my sick jams while you're at it, too! Though THIS should be your go-to one. Any gals feelin' romantic should give this one a whirl, by the way! And one more thing...THIS PAGE'S GOT UNMARKED SPOILERS. So don't come crying to me, if for whatever crazy reason you wanna unlearn something awesome I did! Happy reading, chumps!)

(Oh, by the by, if you hear my main man Kamek, go right ahead and pump Atsushi Masaki or Kevin Michael Richardson's voice in your head for when he pops up.)

(a large, ominous castle pooling with lava waited with trepidation and awe for the arrival of the handsomest, manliest king known to man...as I stomp my way toward the throne room, I bark out the order:)

OPEN THE DOORS!

(and so...with gusto, my troops popped open those massive doors, as my muscled, powerful self was framed in shadow)

Kamek: Behold...the King of the Koopas!

(stomp...stomp...)

(rears my head back...for a triumphant laugh!)

GWAHAHAHAHAHA! Did someone page the king of awesome?

Well, if so, it took 'em long enough! I don't know what kinda messed up mind would think that Ol' Purple 'Stache deserved a page before me... it just ain't fair! I always hog his spotlight, so clearly I should deserve even MORE of it! The dude's a loser if you ask me! And yeah, seriously, you don't gotta tell me that Eggy got a page too...^note Dr. Eggman: Hello! but that's not enough awesome villainy for this site! So who better to provide more grade-A, prime-cut, 100% evil^note the COOL kind, not the stupid overkill junk than the meanest, toughest tyrant around - KING BOWSER!

Unless you nerds were livin' under a rock^note which, if you are...Get Out! How do you even EAT down there?!! ...S-Scratch that, I'd rather not know., I don't think I gotta have an introduction! I'm just that big of a deal, baby! Right now I'd just jump right into the tropes from here, but...bah! Forget it, I guess I can make sure the rock-dwellin' losers know my name well too. I might even get a couple minions outta it!

I'm Bowser, the supreme leader and ruler of the whole Koopa Troop and kingdom, and I've pretty much been callin' the shots since I was a baby Koop! I got a wonderful little boy, Jr. (ask about his mom and I'll fry ya!), and seven...fellas working under me known as the Koopalings! Now you might be askin', if I'm a king, how come I don't have a crown? Well, I figured that my long, flowing locks should do the talking! Me and my troops are all about evil plans, especially those to do with the way lamer, wuss-ville Mushroom Kingdom, where those linguini lapping Mario Bros. laze around in!

Trust me, I've known both of 'em since we were kids... they REALLY suck. They're EVERYTHING I can't stand about idiots tryna look like heroes! They look like man-babies, they act like man-babies, and considering that they got nothing else to do with their lives besides trashing my plans and looking stupid, I'm gonna just take a wild guess and say that they're legit man-babies! If you ever wanna see a real pain in the tail who trounces all over a perfectly good evil plan, look no further than that pair of spaghetti squash for brains! ...Though I gotta admit, they sure know how to set up a good time for even me and the son... but I just see races and sports as more opportunities to stick a victory into their faces!

So, apart from stomping plumbers flat, what's my big deal with that shroom kingdom? Well, I'll give you two words; Princess Peach! I used to snatch Peach so I could use her magic for whatever I wanted (hey, with how annoying they are, those Toads deserved being bricked up) ...but...eh...to keep that long story short, that changed a little bit after a while...

...I'm blushing?! YOU'RE blushing!!

Anyway, you can probably get the gist of my routine by now. I roll up, I grab Peach, hope to the stars she loves me for anything, the pasta punks chase me across different worlds to stop me... aside from me LOSING every time, I think the schtick hasn't gotten old! If there's anything that makes evil plans kick-butt, it's making 'em timeless! I've been nabbin' Peach anywhere and anywhen I can! I've stolen her from her castle, on her vacation (and my own!), in my dreams (no, seriously, don't you dare laugh), stuffed her INTO her castle using its own Power Stars, tossed Mario out of her castle so I could take it over personally, stole some Star Rod doohickey and took her whole castle hostage on top of my own, teamed up with some weird papery version of me to get our Peaches and take out BOTH our Marios (and Luigi), set up a whole wedding for her, on the MOON...shoot, I even kidnapped Peach IN SPACE. ...twice!

... (stomps the ground hard) WAKE UP, DUDE! Jeez, I didn't know nerds like you got bored so easily! You wouldn't know how to respect your rulers if it was punching you in the face with a THWOMP! Hmph, whatever, I think you get the point... I've been nabbing Peach a lot over the years, and I'll just keep doing it over and OVER until the deed is done! I don't even care how many times, one of these days she'll fall for me and dump stachey boy like a bad habit. Who would EVER fall in love with a stache-grooming, pasta-scarfing, shroom-smuggling, wahooing, minion-squishing, Yoshi-riding, coin-hogging, toilet-CLEANING LOSER?!! IT'S SO DISGUSTING! AND, OOOH... DO I... REALLY... HATE HIM!!!

(blows a large stream of fire up at the ceiling)

CURSE YOU, MARIOOOOOO!!!

...Grrrr... gimme a sec... yeah, let's forget about that whole Peach thing for now. The more I think about it, I think up a thousand more ways to stomp Mario's pudgy face in. It probably goes without saying, but no good villain is an one-trick pony! I've pulled off plenty of cool schemes without laying a finger on Peachy! Case in point, I caught those little fairy things to power my own amusement park^note try and beat MY production value, Eggy!, crashed pretty much all of Mario's silly little get-togethers, and once trashed a whole island with some new awesome power born from my rage!^note Crud, Junior... I still gotta ground that dang kid for painting all over my face... I just wanted a nap!! And hey, people like to talk about how I own a bazillion castles (y'know, because they're jealous! What OTHER reason is there?!), but imagine the look on their faces once I tell 'em, I WAS a castle once! And for the record: my joint has NO VACANCY. EVER. I don't want any plumber freaks pestering around in the old bod'...not after LAST time!

Of course, you probably didn't just see me pullin' off one awesome boss fight after another! I've graced the world of television with my handsome mug, where I had a million different identities and was willing to cause some big trouble with every one of 'em! Speakin' of trouble, I also dominated a kingdom of penguins dressed as wannabe royals for the Super Star they've hidden away, all comin' to you on the big screen! GRAB YOUR TICKETS FOR THE BOWSER MOVIE, NERDS! And there was also... uh… the weird human me. W-We... we don't talk about the weird human me. EITHER of them. Besides, you'd be thinking of the wrong me right there.

Anyway, enough of all that! I think I've covered all the basics... now time to get troping! Keep 'em accurate! Write it how I would! And most importantly, don't half-shell it or else I'm pulling out the spiny shells! Now scram, and don't disappoint! Gwahahahahaaa!!

---

These are the biggest, baddest tropes around, and don't you forget 'em!

A-D

• Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: Hey, look...I can wear clothes, I just have the choice not to. The shell and bands are enough to get my manliness across! Now don't think about it too hard, and DON'T GET ANY WEIRD IDEAS.
• Achilles' Heel: I don't even know if I wanna know why, but...I can pretty much tank anyone in a fight EXCEPT for Mario! And...well, any one of his chump pals too now that I think of it, but especially the moron himself. I'm attributin' it to really crummy luck until then!
• Acrofatic: Go ahead, buddy, call me lardy all you want, but what you're really lookin' at is pure muscle! This is a Koopa who knows how to REALLY throw his weight around! Heck, I can jump higher than Mario if I feel like it!
• Adaptation Dye-Job: Back in those freakin' cheap cartoons, those doofus animators colored me entirely green without a hint of my usual orange. Do it right or don't do it at all!
• Adaptational Villainy: Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm a nasty piece of work, alright, but my grand return to theaters is... Uh... Simply showing off what I could do if I just went all-out. No going easy on my troops, no hesitating with torture or not tryin' to drop prisoners into lava, not even Peach would have gotten a pass for trying to weasel out of our wedding. Like I said, I could've done that kind of stuff if wanted to, I. Just. Don't. Feel like it. End of story, moving on! Besides, it's not like the usual laughs aren't there when you're played by ol' Jacky.
• Actually a Doombot: GWAHAHA! Don't fool yourself into thinkin' you beat me in, like, world one. That's probably just a minion I had who disguised themselves as me! I also pulled this off at one tower I had, just to make sure I keep on winning!
• Adipose Rex: If you're thinking I'm just a slow tubby guy, you're in for a surprise! I'm a tank of muscle who can slam anyone down into the ground in a second!
• Advancing Boss of Doom: When I used Mario's goofy little powerups against him, I was doubling myself over and over as he climbed up my great tower! It was just swarming with adorable kitty me's, and I stood at the very top, cornering that pesky wimp...I almost had him on the ropes, until I remembered that some AIRHEAD left a POW block there!! Gee, THANKS for that!
• Affably Evil: Me? Nice? ...Pfft, I don't like to think so, but...alright, look, I do really love Peach, and you bet I will for my whole life. I just don't understand why she'd choose that pizza addict over me...well, alright, I guess Mario isn't all bad. If there's one thing I can respect him for, it's for the challenge he gives me! Again, if you're one of my troops, you get where I'm coming from.
• Alternate Self: Do we really have to talk about the human me? Grr... fine. The human version of me wasn't too bad I guess, Denny was the only thing keeping that movie from being a total stinker, even if I looked more like a Sleazy Politician than The Conqueror I really am. Besides, I don't need elections to get me in power! I can just WALK IN and take it for myself!
• And Now You Must Marry Me: If Peach is reading this, YOU BETTER! Just let me pick out a really pretty gown for ya and I'll crash by! ...um, would you be okay wearing white? Wait a sec- HEY! YOU HEARD NOTHING, TROPE-DOPE! I have enough weird fanatics as it is, I don't wanna MARRY some basement-dwelling nerd too!
• Anti-Climax Boss: Do I REALLY have to...?! ...Okay, much as I hate to admit it, I do have a track record of fights that aren't that challenging.
  • My first shot against Mario isn't much of a step up from the fakes I sent his way... The first six breathed fire, and the last one threw hammers. You know I'm the real deal 'cuz I do both at once! I still go down easily if you just run past me and cut that stupid bridge like a spoilsport, instead of fighting me like a REAL man with no power-ups to help you... But cut me a break! That was the first game I popped up in, so it was a beginner's mistake! Plus just getting through my castle is a challenge enough already. You know, BESIDES the stupid bridge architecture...I should know! I LIVE IN THERE!
  • In my rematch with Mario, I'm a totally unique enemy with NO fakes at all... who still doesn't put up much of a fight. I try to jump and do a good Bowser Bomb right on top of Mario, which is so weighty it smashes part of the floor! Of course considering how much of a slippery slimeball he is, he can dodge the attack easily, and if I smash the same spot in the center of the floor three times, I fall through it, and he wins. Again...WHO DESIGNED THIS ARENA?! I still breathe fire at Mario too, but he's such a pipsqueak that he makes my aim get so cruddy, I can't even hit him if he's below me! Jeez... I gotta get myself better castle designers, ones that don't actively PUT MY LIFE AT RISK.
  • When it comes to our first big brawls in 3D, I know I didn't make them that easy. Sure all it took was one lousy bomb for the first two rounds, but just tossing me out of the ring 'ain't gonna cut it! I would've gotten him to slide off in Round 2! Now Round 3 was where Mario was 'gonna have to work for it... Bigger and tougher than ever, it'd take more bombs than the last two to take me out this time, and just to be sure, I broke the arena around us so that last hit would be a real nightmare to land! See? Not ALL the times we fought were a piece of cake for him! Especially not if he had to get all the stars first.
  • The level Mario has to get through when he interrupts my family vacation was brutal enough, so I went easy on him! Hey, it was tough for ME to go through that stupid mountain, I empathize with him! All beating me in that game takes is a Ground Pound in the right place on the stage, and knock me out of my nice, scalding hot bath. RUDE.
  • My second battle with Mario in space gets screwed up ROYAL in the final phase where I fight Mario in the middle of a black hole...and this time the loser just needs to ground pound rocks into me. Hey, SHUT IT, it's not my fault! I would never design a fight so short the player doesn't get to enjoy the great final boss theme! COSMOLOGY SUCKS AND ISN'T FAIR!
  • Mario caught me off guard when he crashed my wedding with Peach, so I didn't have time to come up with any new attacks from our last fight apart from souping up what I already had. Hey, so we're clear, those strats worked out the THIRD time! I just needed to work extra hard and throw you nerds off-guard!
• Anti-Villain: Sometimes I may look like I'm stirrin' up some evil, but some of my goals aren't that evil! What's the big problem with decorating my castle with those pretty Mini Stars? Remodelling's not evil!
• Arch-Enemy: Yeah, NO DUH! Those two dumb plumbers have been the bane of my existence ever since Mr. Miyamoto first created us!
  • I've fought tougher chumps in my time, but none of them, ZERO of them have EVER grinded my gears the way Mario does! I mean, with how many times he's wrecked my plans, it almost feels like he's expecting me to yield one of these days! Well, guess what, fat boy...I DO NOT.
  • It's not as prominent as my loathing of Mario, but I despise his brother Luigi just as much. When Mario's not the one stomping my minions and kids, and confronting me at the end of the game, it's usually that green beanpole! Sometimes, when I try to be proactive and kidnap Mario before he can muck up my latest scam, Luigi is the one who ends up saving him. Bah-once a plumber hater, always a plumber hater!!!
• Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: You know what they say about big people having a big presence! I once went on a galactic conquest while huge the whole time, I always get to have a snappy Giga look in those Smash tournaments, and in that weird dreamy world? I was able to OUT-HUGE Luigi. That's what daily servings of spicy hot meat can give ya, kids! Gwa ha! Though that's not saying I always enjoy it. My vacation at that lake...uh, I coulda handled that whole thing better. Let's just leave it at that!
• Awesome Ego: Look, when you've got yourself a huge kingdom and an even huger adoring following, how could ya not give yourself a pat on the shell for it?
• Back from the Dead: More often than I'd like...sometimes when I fall into lava, I get to come back as a Dry Bones for a while. It stings...a lot, but I always go back to my living prime!
• Badass Armfold: Always love that pose! Besides, it gives me a free reason to show off my hulking guns!
• Badass Cape: Used to wear one back in the day, but I quit for two reasons; the stupid thing never stayed on my shell right, and when it comes to battle, I keep tripping over it! So then and there I learned a lesson in trouncing plumber boy: NO CAPES!
• Badass in a Nice Suit: I got the best tailors over at my kingdom, and they only give me their best! I got a gorgeous wedding suit, a smokin' hot doctor's coat, some hip sports outfits...you name it, I got it! Just don't ask about the metal-plated shoes...Koopa anatomy is a pain sometimes!
• The Bad Guy Wins: Oh yeah! It's true, people! Mario may win almost all the time, but I actually got one total win over his sorry rear! Ready to hear it?! Here ya go... I booted him off my bubble making tower! ... Look, it's much more impressive than it sounds, stop staring at me!!
• Benevolent Boss: What good's a king if not grateful to his workers? My troops fear me for sure, but that was never the reason why they came to me. They just joined my army because I'm that awesome! Movie me on the other hand...hmph, at least the dude still knows how to keep 'em all in line!
• Berserk Button: The moment plumber boy starts up with me is the moment Mr. Nice Bowser goes buh-bye! ^note ...well, that and someone reading my diary...wait, WHY IS MY DOOR OPEN?!
• Beware the Silly Ones: Oh, you think I'm silly, huh? Well, say that again after seeing me punch a dark, ancient copycat of me to death! And that's just one achievement I got under my belt!
• Big Bad: Pfft, what gave that one away?! I am THE big bad anywhere I go, pure and simple! And I'm not bluffing - look up that world records' top 100 video game villains, and yours truly is right where he belongs - the tip-top!^note GLaDOs: You are kidding me. You DO understand that the ONly reason I am SECond place could be BEcause I was turned into A POTATO. Don't bother BRAGging, it might make you MORE tolerAble. Yeah, yeah, keep on shakin' salt, robo-lady! SUCKERS DON'T TAKE THE PRIZE!
• Big Bad Duumvirate: While I usually don't care to make it last, I did work with a few other guys to take Mario out in the past, including another me! There was also that one weird Antasma guy...heh, no regrets on dumping that sorry dingbat.
• Big Bad Wannabe: YOU DARE CALL ME A WANNABE?! I OUGHTA PUMMEL YOU SILLY, YOU—!!! ... (heavy sigh) Fine...yeah, I was duped, humiliated or used a lot in the past, but I've straightened out, really! Just don't remind me about all that crud, I'm tired of being possessed by weirdos!! Besides, why else would I still be around when most of them aren't?
• Big Beautiful Man: Oh, you'd better believe it. I'm a mountain of testosterone just waiting to pump iron and piledrive scrawny nerds like no tomorrow!
• Boss-Arena Idiocy: Idiot? YOU'RE an idiot! Sorry if you're so stuck up about it, but to me, NOTHING is wrong with putting an axe near my bridge! And besides, it ain't ME who approved it! It's just the bozos who design my castles who screw up such an awesome, super-climatic setup every single time!
• Breakout Villain: Before me, Mario had some no-name pinheads goin' up and at him, like...uh...that one foreman dude, and I think Donkey Kong's grandpa? Yeah, you don't remember these chumps because I turned out to be so much cooler than them! Gwa ha ha!^note Okay, fine. Old Man Kong's still kicking, but that old timer is gonna crack his back before he ever show his furry face at a sports tournament.
• Breath Weapon: My trusty Captain Flame usually does a lot of the talkin' for me, though after that little bean nerd conned me, I also got myself a Vacuum Mouth power on top of that!
• Butt-Monkey: Call me that again and I'll punch you into next month, buddy! ...Though I guess it's right. The whole stinkin' world is against me sometimes, especially when there's some nobody trying to upstage me... good thing I've moved past that crud after that Antasma guy tried it! I'd even rather be called an Iron Butt Monkey for how I'm still here after everything they've dished out!
• Card-Carrying Villain: I just love being mean! I don't need no reason or purpose for it, it's just all running in my blood! And if you got an issue with it...too bad!
• Casting a Shadow: Hey, the rule of Dark Land's gotta have some dark powers, right!? I managed to copy Mario and that Luma's spin during our fight in my dark matter plant, but I gave it a sweet purple touch to it! And there was that time a buncha magical orbs came around and I got to use that Dark-attribute against those mustached wimps.
• Cats Are Mean: Just fetch me a Super Bell, and I'll have Meowser prove that to you! Hope you don't mind all the property damage! BWAHAHA!
• Chained by Fashion: Well, I don't wear chains per say, though I don't think my stylish collar and armbands are holdin' me back from looking like a beast!
• Character Catchphrase: I had a few that stuck for a while, though they never really lasted like that shroomface Mario's did.
  • Way back then I always used to say this ol' chestnut: "He who koops and runs away gets to koop another day!" Hey, it's dated now, but it's still ringin' true in my book!
  • I also got a habit of saying "I'll remember this!" whenever someone screws me over in one of Mario's dumbo parties. And trust me, I still remember EVERY single one!! I don't need to forgive if I don't forget!
  • Ooh, yeah, and there's also my personal favorite... SHOWTIME!
• The Chosen One: Eugh, now you're just making me cringe! Who CARES if I'm one of these goofball "heroes of light" in the Light Proggo-not-worth-reading?! I deserve better than to be lumped with Mario! In fact, I think calling me the Chooser of Wimps to Dropkick fits me better, thank you very much! GWA HA HA!
• Chubby Chaser: One of those short video the Big N released to advertise my future takeover of the Flower Kingdom had me staring Wingding Eyes at my beloved Peach even after she ate an elephant fruit. Gotta problem with that?
• Clipped-Wing Angel: During the last phase of the fight with me in Mario Party 5, I drink a potion to turn into a giant. Unfortunately, it makes me a bit... TOO big, and I fall through the floor, getting stuck. What kinda shrooms were you ON, Kamek?! Weren't ya supposed to, y'know, TAKE PRECAUTIONS ABOUT THIS STUFF?!^note Kamek: I may have overlooked some things, Your Rottenness, but didn't I tell you to drink only small doses at a time? Me: Small doses?! SMALL?! I was about to LOSE, man! I even broke a monitor because of that PINHEAD Mario! Desperate times like those call for VERY FRUSTRATED measures!!
• Clown Car: My go-to ride for when I wanna fly from kingdom to kingdom, or just rain Mechakoopas all over Mario's wimpy face! Though I still think it's got a fuel issue...
• Cool Car: I've always had plenty of hot rods, but my best one's gotta be the Bowser Mobile I used when I nabbed those puny Sprixies. That thing even lit up all over, and it was just AWESOME!
• Cool Airship: Not only do I own one grade-triple-A in awesomeness airship, I got a whole fleet of 'em looking for stuff to bomb up!
• Dark Is Evil: Well, I don't look it myself, but I've got plenty of dark magics and dark castles to make up for it! Though, I don't really wanna take it TOO literally after I messed with that color fountain...
• A Day in the Limelight: It's way too rare for my taste, but I've gotten a lot more time to shine when Fawful decided to crash in, and I also got to totally DOMINATE one of Mario's parties! MAN, I love bein' the center of attention...heh heh heh!
• Demonic Possession: Rrrrgh...do I really gotta talk about this? Fine. A lot of times, my mind's been controlled by...geez, everything these days. From a weird witch ghost, to weird black paint, to a weird mega-dragon thing, to STICKERS?! WHY WOULD A STICKER EVER BRAINWASH ME?!?! I DON'T GET IT! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT TIME WHEN MARIO USED CAPPY TO CAPTURE MY SOUL (though he did save me and Peach from inside the moon, so I'll have to give him that, plus he didn't have as much luck with her either)! THAT'S A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF A SLAP TO THE FACE! Funny thing is though, I got to possess stuff too! The black paint Jr. rubbed all over me gave me a huge power boost, but it was really my fury that did the rest of the work and started makin' everything as crazy as I was. HA! NOW I know how cool it feels!
• Despotism Justifies the Means: And the means are that you bow down to ME and kiss my tail every day of your life! Making the world better for people? Making my minions be as useless as possible? BAH! What a total waste of time! I prefer my kingdom thriving in my name with my armies working full-time at full strength! This whole world's got my name written all over it, and if I'm gonna take it over only when I'm some old geezer, then that'll be good enough!
• Determinator: If I ever give up kidnapping Peach, then my name ISN'T King Bowser Koopa! I'll just keep nabbing her, trouncing Mario and taking over those shroomheads until the END OF TIME!! Because I got the guts, the perseverance, and the MIGHT to see it all through! OH YEAH!
• Devil in Plain Sight: For some weird reason, there's still batches of morons who don't even know who I am! I once even had to introduce myself to somebody as a "businessman of legend"! What am I to them, the King of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS?!!
• Disney Villain Death: Fine, fine! Those first three bouts with those plumber boys all involved either cutting the bridge below me or having me stomp so hard I crashed through the floor. But unlike those wimpy villains, I'm still alive!
• Draco in Leather Pants: WHOA, WHOA, MAN! TIME OUT! What makes ya think I'm so stinkin' sweet on the inside, you weeb?! I'm nasty, cruel and WICKED throughout! I'm the evilest guy who's ever lived! ... ...well, I still love my son...and Peach, and my troops...Mario can put together a blast of a party, when he actually bothers INVITING me...and I never really got to ride a Yoshi back when I was a squirt...and...I never knew what happened to Jr.'s mother... ... ... ...j-just somethin' in my eye. Let's...just move on...

E-M

• Egopolis: Awesome castles and awesomer kingdom aside, I even got the coolest city in the world...NEO BOWSER CITY! Where I'm the ever-lovin' president looking out for his people, people get rich on Koopa Koins, and every person's life depends on whether or not they worship me! It's a heck of an awesome place to- WILL YOU STOP BRINGIN' UP DINOHATTAN?!! IT! DOES! NOT! EXIST! No, but seriously, it doesn't.
• Enemy Mine: It blows when I gotta do it, but Mario and I have teamed up to stop some wannabe evil dudes in the past. There was the weird robot guy who stole my castle, and that lame count with all his ditzy henchmen workin' for him. I bet you a thousand coins I coulda roasted those chumps to a crisp ALL ON MY OWN. Pff, oh well...at least I got to use a real cool bazooka one time!
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: There's nothing, and I mean NOTHING on this world I wouldn't do for my Peach, my brat pack of Koopalings or my boy Jr.. I may be evil for sure, but I still got a heart for those who earned it!
• Even Evil Has Standards: Look, storming a kingdom and taking it over by force is one thing...but planning to wipe out a whole species? Stealing Peach's voice and swapping it out with a bunch of bombs? Using a black hole to suck up all dimensions?! Those are something else altogether! NOT what I want to deal with!
  • And let's not get started on so-called supreme entities that plague Smash. I want to conquer the world/universe, not destroy it! Preferably, BEFORE any OTHER dork out there takes it from me!
• Everyone Owns a Mac: Yeah, I got an iPhone not too long ago! You probably saw me use it to keep Jr.'s Switch parental controls up and running... the kid's gotta start catching up on his duties soon!
• Evil Counterpart: I still find it crazy that dark star thing had to go and copy MY DNA to try and become unstoppable...too bad he didn't copy much of my skill! Though I can't help but think on what he last said...the guy almost acted like me when I lose. It's...uh...I don't think too deep on that. All I know is, he's gone and good riddance!
• Evil Laugh: I bet it's stuck in your head already, isn't it? GWA HA HA HA HA!
• Evil Is Bigger: And all the better for it! Gwar har har!! When it comes to big bad brutes, I pretty much wrote the book! Everyone else looks like a twerp next to me...and that's just me being at NORMAL size!
• Evil Is Burning Hot: My sweet fire breath, refreshing hot lava, volcano activity all around a fiery castle...heh, notice the pattern?
• Evil Is Cool: And don't you know it! I'm not just cool, I'm KILLER KOOPA COOL. My whole empire follows me outta love and honor! Every one of you dudes out there love me for rockin' the world with my awesome might, even if it's in a rough situation where I eat dust. Lots of fans favor me over Mario - which is the CORRECT option, may I add - for all that, and that I have a much more fully formed personality. I mean, would ya look at me the same way if I started goin' around and shouting WAHOO everywhere I go? I mean, that'd be next-level— NO. NOOOOPE YOU ARE NOT BRINGING THAT UP. NUH-UH.
  • I also get this same kind of love in my return to the movies! All thanks to me being a side-splitter, a terror, and more savage than ever thanks to Jack da Man's menacing take on my sweet baritone! Plus, my battle with those piddly penguins? Pssh, WHAT battle?! I WIPED 'EM OUT CLEAN. AND YOU LOVED IT!
• Evil Gloating: I know it's Villainy 101 to not gloat too much, but I just can't help it! Winning against Mario is just SUCH an awesome rush!
• Evil Is Hammy: Well, what's the problem in lettin' out your energy and expressing yourself? I'm very passionate about what I do, y'know!
• Evil Overlord: You're looking at the best of them! I even rule over other kings like King Boo, so the whole "overlord" part fits me to a T now that I think about it!
• Evil Redhead: I know, my mane is hot stuff! I even groomed it over for my wedding!
• Evil Sorcerer: Not so much anymore, since punching stuff is more fun, but I've still got bunches of Koopa magic when I need it. Like I said before, I stuffed Toads into blocks, stuffed Peach into her own castle walls, caused a big lightning storm at the Star Festival...I even get to teleport! IN SPACE. Awesome, huh?!
• Evil Sounds Deep: I always got my soothing, alluring baritone to woo Peach over with and yell at my troops with! ...provided I get a glass of water anyway, otherwise it sounds too ugly. Just listen to me give Peach a "special" announcement and try not to squee!
  • And y'know, I love the sound of my voice so dang much, I thought that Black-Jack guy had no chance of doin' it himself! And what do ya know, that dude turned up TENACIOUS!
• Evil Versus Evil: Everyone tries to copy my style these days, to say nothin' about the times they tried stealing it! I don't work with others unless they're working for me, and that's that! Don't even talk about that king croc guy either, he doesn't know the first thing about treating an army well! Even that ripoff flat me doesn't get that I'M the top dog here!
• Evil Versus Oblivion: The reason I help Mario, Peach, and Luigi find the Pure Hearts to save the world. I can't rule the world if the world ends. No I did not need Mario to point this out to me.
• A Father to His Men: I don't always show it, but my troops follow me outta respect and honor, and I keep 'em around for it. No more, no less!
• Fiction 500: Wreck a castle of mine? Pssh, oh well, I got like a million more to move into. I got riches that even Mario's fatty knockoff only wishes he had!
• The Fighting Narcissist: I'm pretty sure the whole world knows I'd completely knock down everyone else in those Smash tournaments. I GUARANTEE IT! Not that they suck at fighting, though a lot of 'em do (seriously, TOO MANY SWORD WEEBS!!), but just that I'm so way ahead of them all!
• Final Boss: What's a finale without Bowser? A crummy finale, that's what! Chances are, when you think "final boss", your mind goes straight to me! I'm THAT legendary, baby!
• Fluffy the Terrible: Go ahead and laugh at how my name use to be used for dogs. You won't be laughing anymore once I torch ya!
• Foe Yay Shipping: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? Mario and I play games, but... WE! ARE! NOT! A! COUPLE! And even worse, there are those messed up people who like to draw me as a lady so they can pair me with Mario!
• Fountain of Expies: Wouldn't you know it, I wound up being so daring and unstoppable, that I was inspiring a lot of my fellow villains! From that backstabber Ganon (okay, at least that poser got the hint and got a makeover), to that nutcase K. Rool, to that goofus Dedede...just to list off a few! There's even one from Eggy's joint that he tried to control. What's his name again...Zippy? Eh, who cares.
• Fusion Dance: Just let me touch a wonder flower and show you how cool I look as a castle...I make it look like a TOTAL RAVE CLUB!
• Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: To be fair I'm pretty good at avoiding this, because I make it a point to be right there from the start. I want you to know who the real bad guy is, straight up! The only time I pulled this off was just after that sorry excuse of a lizard rescued Luigi the second time Kamek captured him. Psssh, you probably got bored with the game anyway, so I decided to sprinkle in some BOWSERIZATION! GAH HAH HAH! ...Plus I just thought it was a cool idea.
• Genius Bruiser: Duh! If you wanna be a king, you gotta have some smarts! I've put together a wedding on the moon, hired some of the most dangerous monsters in the Mushroom World to take Mario down, I even managed to run seven different hotels at once with my Koopalings! If those aren't impressive, I can't tell ya what is!
• A God Am I: Well, I don't really come out and say it, but I sure feel it a lot of times! One time I've been able to make a whole galaxy and I've been prepping to make Peach my eternal queen by my side...bummer that didn't happen. I've also gotten godlike power through a lot of cool powerups, like the Grand Stars and that one weird Dream Stone! I still miss my rainbow flame, that was so rad...
• Go-Karting with Bowser: What?! You didn't think my page wouldn't have THIS trope on it did you? Hey, it has my own glorious name on it after all! Then again, I shouldn't even bother with Mario's dumb tournaments and whatever, but...argh, I can't help it! I'm too competitive to just not jump in!! Don't blame me for just wantin' to trash those wimps and get an easy win! Pity that clownface stole my page with his ugly mug on the image though... EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NAMED AFTER ME!!!^note The Joker: Ohhh, you grumpy Gamera! Can't you see the appeal?! The trope shines a zillion times brighter showing my beaming smile...But don't shed a tear! I have plenty more grins to share with you and your shellhead gang! Hehehehehe... Me: I'll be smilin' once I get ya choking on a streamer, lipstick! And it ain't a gang, IT'S AN ARMY!
• Ground Pound: Hey, guess what? Yoshi and Wario might be better known for doing these slams in their lousy adventures, but I was the one who invented the technique back in during my invasion of seven kingdoms. So cough up that royalty money, chumps!
• Guest Fighter: Those chumps from those Skylands or whatever drafted me and Donkey Kong to fight a war against some screaming bald dweeb that one time. Weird job, but worth it; I came with a whole bunch of awesome stuff such as an awesome hammer bigger than my head, a Cool Plane, an awesome set of armor, and wielding magma powers! If only they'd let me KEEP that crud to wipe the floor with Mario... Plus, I even got my own plane, the Clown Cruiser! But with a price; you can only use us on portals that connect to the Big N's consoles! There's no way I'm working with consoles made by those nerds that created the Polygon poser or that "Lord of Geeks!" And guess what? You can even use me in the sequel! Who cares about that orange rat or that yellow nerd they brought in afterwards? Ya think that bighead's a villain? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN NOTHING YET.^note Wuzzat? He's an uncle? Huh, maybe Junior should arrange a playdate with that niece of his. The thought of seeing those tykes making all the mischief they can just... warms my black heart.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: HEY!!! I'm not that snappy! It's just that being a king is hard work! You try it one day and see how fast the stress comes to your head!
• Hijacked by Bowser:
  • We can't just let the newbies have all the fun, right? Almost every time a new guy rolls up, I'll normally find a way to pull the rug under their feet and take it from there. Just ask Purple 'Stache and Antasma!
  • Wuzzat? Something about my "hideous form" during Green Stache's mansion romp? Well I would be pretty proud if I was the one who captured Mario that night, but nope! Turns out King Boo wanted Green Stache to wet himself by using a suit based on yours truly.
• Hopeless Boss Fight: Like you'd ever stand a chance against ME, pal! Gwa ha ha! Case in point, my first ride with the Star Rod made me INVINCIBLE! And I REALLY do mean it: Mario's only at level 1, and has no abilities besides his dumb "WA-HOO" jump. And that's it! No party members, no items or badges. So all he can do is one attack, which eventually doesn't work when I power myself up with the Star Rod! The only way to win the fight is to hack the game...if you don't mind a hard crash, of course! Either way you look at it, I win no matter what! GWA HA HA HA HA HA!
• Hostile Show Takeover: Let's face it, just leaving the fun to Mario and punks would just be boring. That's why I love to step in and spice things up! After all, I'm already doing it right here, aren't I?
• Hulking Out: I sometimes get bigger and far more nastier like in smash bros, but I pull it off far better than that green oaf does.
• Humanity Ensues: Oh now what? I already talked about Denny, I don't have another human self. Wait, you don't mean... OH NO, we are not talking about THAT version of me, I'll burn you to a crisp if you even think of bringing her up! It took me months to forget about all the "art" you freaks made of her. I'd rather you fantasize about me RESPECTFULLY, not...yeesh, the weird crud you think up. That crown doesn't even work on me!
• Hypocritical Heartwarming:
  • You got NO permission to kidnap Peach OR lay a finger on Mario! Only I can do those two things! And hey, what do ya mean by that?! It's not sweet or hypocritical, it's...well...I just don't want anyone stealing my schtick!
  • Any henchman working in my castle is MINE! They're BOWSER'S people to diss and yell at, PERIOD. So I'm not a big fan of seeing some dorky green nerd who's NOT ME givin' 'em a pounding and FLAUNTING over it! As if I'd ever WANT to!
• Hypocritical Humor: An event I can set up in Mario Party is to make the person who lands on my space play the minigame the 1v3 Bash 'n' Cash. The basic idea is that three players hit the other guy, and grab the coins they drop. In my version though, NOBODY gets 'em but yours truly! Plus, after seeing how many coins the poor player loses, I get the shot to remark about what terrible people the other players are. Those dorks should let ya keep your cash...because, well, I WANT IT!
• Implacable Man: The day you find something that wipes me off the map is the day I open up a city called Dinohattan! In short... NEVER!!!
• Improbably High I.Q.: Haven't ya heard? I got 9,800 IQ! Elephants can't even think about the brilliance I'm made out of!
• Identity Amnesia: Somethin' or other hit me on the head while Peach's voice got stolen, and from what I remember...I think I was workin' for some pipsqueak crook? Dude kept callin' me Rookie, what a slap in the face that is! Bah! Like any of it matters now! I put the pieces back together myself with my huge, sinister brain! And I remembered that I am...BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING!
• It's All About Me: So? It really is! Whatever kingdom, fancy castle, cute princess, magic something-or-other, anything cool you got? ALL MINE.
• Jerkass: Thanks for the kind words! Gwa ha ha ha!
• Joker Immunity: C'mon. Would you really want me to just kick the bucket and go away? If a whole galaxy collapsing in on me won't take me out, what makes ya think anything else can?! BAHAHAHA! I mean, it's definitely more than what that really lame clown went through! ^note Joker: Oh how cute, at least I provide the page images to the tropes I’m named after, even I provide the page image to your trope.
• The Juggernaut: Don't even push your luck if you know what's good for you; I'm fast, strong AND smart! I can crush even the biggest posers without breaking a sweat!
• Kaiju: When I'm not just huge, I've taken on a lot of giant monster looks in the past. Imagine seeing Giga me or Fury me messing up your city! You'd all be DOOMED! GWA HA HA HA!
• Knight of Cerebus: Ooh, yeah. When I mean business, I make sure you know it! I was pretty no-nonsense when it came to my first galactic conquest, and both me and paper me were way straight to the point after our kids got beaten up. Shell hath no fury like a papa scorned!
• Large and in Charge: Just because I'm HUGE doesn't mean I'm some lumbering doofus, buddy! They call me King Koopa because there's no better army leader like me!
• Laughably Evil: What?! You think I'm funny?! Do I look like I'm joking, buddy?! NOPE. I'm only funny when it comes at the expense of others!
• Lightning Bruiser: Sometimes I might be a bit slow, but I'm usually a lot faster than what my size makes me look like! I'm a powerhouse of destruction AND dynamics!
• Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: I appeared in one of Ralphie's movies alongside Eggy and all kinds of villains (and that wrestling guy for some reason). Mario didn't even get to show his wimpy face at all! Good thing, because he woulda brought the whole thing down... while I ELEVATED it!
• Love to Hate: You know what those younger koops say: Haters gonna hate! I conquer kingdoms, I kidnap princesses, I give ya a tough controller spiking fight, I make all of your friends laugh at you losing for all your coins at parties... and YOU KNOW you love me at the end of the day. I'm just a bit rough around the edges!
  • Even Hollywood's a big fan of me now! Name any review of the big flick out there that DOESN'T praise me and my atrocities to the high heavens! I've done evil things from sacrificing prisoners, destroying kingdoms...and hypnotizing the world with my romantic serenades!
• Made of Iron: I've fallen down lava pools and pits, got dunked out of my space tub, fell right into my own sun, got launched into orbit, I even got sucked into BLACK HOLES...and not a single scratch on me!
• Magnificent Bastard: Bwa ha ha! What can I say about that? I'm not Mario's number one thorn in his side for nothing! I've been pulling off brilliant stuff all across the board, and I plan on keepin' the roll going!
  • First off, my big galactic conquest. I wasted no time in blasting Peach's castle into orbit, leavin' her with no escape, and I've had some of the most epic fights with Mario yet! Not sure why my chorus was all up in arms about takin' a bath, but I'm glad I brought 'em with my galactic conquest! Even as Mario beats me, it's not like he's making progress! Time flies by and so does my ultimate plan...Maybe try comin' at me WITHOUT any stars, then I bet you'll be fast enough!
  • Then the time I skipped Peach to grab other gals for myself! Mario didn't even hear about my plan till right after I got all the Sprixies, and even after he got 'em all back, guess what? He danced around with them in one spot...SO I COULD TAKE THEM ALL AGAIN! GWA HA HA HA! And right there did I use 'em for the most amazing theme park of all time: WORLD BOWSER! Open 24/7, you must be taller than plumbers to enter!
  • So here's the scenario. You don't get invited to a party. You're ticked off and your blood's boiling, so you wanna get those chumps back! How do ya do it? Well, you wouldn't be smart enough to come up with what I did: I used... BUBBLES. (Dramatic Thunder) And I used 'em wisely, to make clones guarding my tower and playin' it fair as Mario goes up. Too bad he fell for my decoy AND COMPLETELY LOST! GWA HA HA!
  • My big wedding day went without a hitch, y'know! Mario's lunky butt couldn't even get back ONE treasure I stole, and he got his tail whooped by me no less than THREE times! I woulda thought the giant dragon would've done him in for good, but that dumb luck just won't let him go...pssh. But hey, he can't take away one thing: I CRUSHED his chance to marry Peach! YOU DIDN'T WIN, PASTA PUNK!
  • Ooh! And then one of my greatest accomplishments... BOWSER'S RAGE STAGE! My fists were poppin' the sickest bass you've ever heard! The floor was shakin' with how hard we were jamming! Even it was for a moment...the whole world was havin' the ultimate rave, in the name of THE GREATEST DUDE TO LIVE ON IT! Maybe I could sneak back to that dumb kingdom and grab another one of those flowers...a sneak attack should do the trick! If it takes Smash to make it happen, maybe I'll invite that eight-armed beatmaster. He sure as heck knows how to drop 'em!
• Malevolent Mugshot: If it doesn't have my face all over it, it's just not Bowser territory! But really, who would get sick of that handsome face of mine? You'd wanna see it everywhere!!
• Manly Man: All the ladies want me, and all the guys wish they were me. That's the life I live and I would never have it any other way! GAHAHA!
• Man of Wealth and Taste: Over in Odyssey, I not only get to wear a fancy schmancy purple and white tux for my wedding. But I also have my castle decorated in some gold decor in the style of Japan.
• Mighty Glacier: I'm up there with Dorky Kong and Garlic Breath as tanky opponents in our sports meetings. Sure, one says he's bigger, faster, and stronger too and the other says he doesn't feel like dying, but they got nothing on my max power stats!

N-Y

• Never My Fault: Never was, never is, never gonna be! Not one thing is wrong with my kick-tail plans, and anyone sayin' otherwise is LYING to you! It's either Mario stinking it up or whatever wannabe loser decides to tag along with me! Have I mentioned how much Antasma SUCKED?!
• Nigh-Invulnerable: You can literally dunk me in lava and have my scales burn off my bones, and chances are I'll STILL be planning out my revenge later on as a skeleton. Just to really clue you in...Mario dunked me into my galaxy's own sun, and my galaxy exploded...and I'm still here, all fired up!^note ...what? What're you talkin' about, "the universe got destroyed that time and then came back"? How come no one told me?!
• Nominal Hero: Being a good guy is just so obnoxious! Whenever I'm working with Mario, I'm only doin' it because I gotta do it! The second the problem's solved, I'm STRAIGHT back to my evil comfort zone!
• No One Could Survive That!: When I fought one of that weird count's henchmen, he and I had to deal with a falling ceiling which we tried but couldn't lift up. So yeah...so ends the story of the mighty Bowser, right? OF COURSE NOT! Even Greeny and Peach knew I'd power through it at the end - in fact, I really just fell through the floor and came out no worse for wear!
• Not Zilla: And in fact, BETTER than 'Zilla! Any time I get to go huge, it's one HECK of a spectacle to behold! Trains are total paperweights! I get to wreck whole towers! I completely screwed up my home insurance! ...um. IGNORE THE LAST BIT. Like I said, I got more castles than just that one!
• Obviously Evil: Took ya a while to figure that one out, huh? I mean— what, dude?! Did the ominous lava-surrounded castle not clue ya in enough on that?!
• Omnicidal Maniac: Uhhh, WRONG-O! I mean, I won't be shy to admit that me and paper me WERE gonna roast that book world, but it was already emptied out anyway! Only those stupid plumbers and that stupider yellow thing would get toasted in there. Huh? What's that? You mean that there were still billions of other inhabitants besides the paper versions of me, my son, my minions, the mustachioed plumber, his brother, the princess, and all her pathetic mushroom followers that were living in that book as well? I ALREADY KNEW THAT, CHUMP! I WAS JUST PLAYING DUMB! Not like I really care anyway! What's the loss of a bunch of pathetic and innocent lives gonna mean to me anyway? I don't live in that joint! Paper me does, and he didn't have any other problems with it!
• One BOWSER Limit: There we go, fixed that name for ya. Anywho, THERE'S ONLY ONE KOOPA KING AROUND HERE! I still can't believe that Douggy dude shut me out of E3 when it was still rollin'! HOW COME I DIDN'T GET TO ANNOUNCE THE AWESOME BRAWL-EM-DOWN ACTION SPIN-OFF, STARRING ME?! ...WHAT?! WHA—THEY NEVER SHOWED IT??!!! Jeez, I SHOULDA taken the lead from that dude then! I'll reveal it on the spot and make the guys make it PRONTO!
• The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Like how I always say that only I can kidnap Peach, that also goes for trouncing Mario! I don't care what the reason is, if it ain't me stomping his big nose, it's nothing I want! I'm hoping fatso and toothpick learned their lesson by now... And you! Grape! If you so much as scratch my precious Peaches and she doesn't take you out first, swear to the Stars, I will eat you and your entire troupe!
• Orchestral Bombing: When I'm not beating up Mario and his loser friends to the tune of an awesome metal banger, I go for an absolutely BOMBASTIC orchestral piece to set the mood! Just listen to my boss themes from both of my galactic conquests and prepare to feel all the might of the legendary Koopa King in musical form!
• Orcus on His Throne: I usually just sit and chill until Mario stops by my castle. Though not all the time! If I feel impatient and wanna trounce the dude way earlier, I'll do it in no time!
• Other Me Annoys Me: Little dude me got on my nerves at first, but he's grown on me pretty fast by the time we fought those wimpy plumbers and their little dudes. Paper me though? Well...he's an adult, I can totally work with him, but man, I cannot STAND his unoriginality!
• Papa Wolf: Go right ahead. Beat up my boy. No, seriously, I dare you to do it. I'll be willing to jam you in a book and light you on FIRE if you even THINK about it!
• Pet the Dog: Alright, look. Hear me out. I was BORN to be evil, down to the last cell in my body! But just 'cuz I'm evil doesn't mean I'm just some Blitty punting psycho. I mean, if I was, how would I get myself an empire like mine?!
  • I do love my son, and I apologized to him for lying about Peach being his mother. Kid's got every right to be mad at me...so hearing him say he wants to tussle with that plumber's...hmph, FAT, was a big and dang welcome surprise!
  • I crash every Mario Party to mess with the players, but sometimes I get nice on them. I will give out coins if they don't have any to steal, and sometimes I will give out useful items. Just DON'T ask for too much! What kind of chump would hoard a bunch of stars and coins and do nothing with 'em?! ...Don't look at me, I don't got any!
  • The Mario Bros defeating me again on Pi'illo Island puts me in SUCH a bad mood! I got so close, I practically controlled REALITY...AND STILL IT WASN'T ENOUGH?! Like, were those pasta freaks CHEATING?! Still, The Elite Trio did all they could, so I couldn't get mad at them for putting in the effort...more than what I can say about the gullible DORK I dumped out!
• Plot-Irrelevant Villain: WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'm ALWAYS public enemy number one when I'm around! What do you mean I'm...grr...AARRGH! FINE! I had NOTHING TO DO with that whole Crystal Star thing, okay?! I was just following Mario's trail, and I keep arriving after he's already found the Crystal Star, because he's always CHEATING WITH HIS SHORTCUTS. When I finally catch up to him at the end of the game, I wind up just being clobbered anyway! I don't even know what happened to Peach! Doesn't anyone think I deserve to know?! Hmph...oh well. My awesome fans still agree that I was the highlight of the whole adventure, so who cares if I didn't get to do much?!
• Poke the Poodle: There's nothing more entertaining than the small things in life...like crashing Mario's stupid parties, taking their hard-earned coins and stars. Man, I LOVE this villain gig!
• Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: Eh, I'd rather call it tail-kicking, but I've got bunches of these that I'm proud of! Here's just my top favorites to hype you up:
  "Mario! You again! Well that's just fine—I've been looking for something to fry with my fire breath! Your Star Power is useless against me! Your friends are all trapped in the walls... And you'll never see the princess again!"
  "Finally! You got here just in time to see the creation of my galaxy in the center of the universe! WATCH AND WEEP! From this galaxy, I'll rule a great galactic empire with Peach by my side. It will last forever! I will rule every pitiful corner of the universe. So, Mario, as you can see, I got big plans. And stomping you is at the top of my list!"
  "Hey... guess what, Mario! Breathe a sigh of relief, because it'll be your last! Know why?! Because this is finally the end...The end of YOU!"
  "GWAHAHA! Great dark hurricane! Seriously, perfect backdrop for an awesome final battle! You really sweat the details! Listen up! You're saying the kingdom will vanish? NOT TODAY! THIS KINGDOM IS ALL MINE! SO YOU VANISH!"
• Promoted to Playable: In case you go insane from playing as that ultra-boring drain-brain plumber - and let's be honest, nobody would blame you if ya did - I'm usually available in most spinoff games...but folks, what if I told ya I was playable in a main game? You better get the reporters and cameras ready for this one!! ...it's really not all that. Mario just possesses me and only uses...what, TWO of my awesome abilities? When the heck am I gonna get my REAL spotlight?!^note Save it. I know EXACTLY what you're gonna say.
• Rank Scales with Asskicking: Hello? I'm the king of Koopas! I'm nothing cuddly!
• Real Men Eat Meat: I really love meat, especially those TNT Drumsticks. Spicy and meaty in all the right ways. But if I need to recover both the health and brawl points to wreck Fawful's day, I just eat one of those Cheesy Drumsticks and I'm ready to rumble!
• Red and Black and Evil All Over: Not myself, but I like making my flags and logos in these colors, just so people KNOW I'm bad news all around! On the flipside of that, I kinda did become all red and black when I went crazy at Lake Lapcat...but the less said on that, the better!
• Red Eyes, Take Warning: You better, pal! The last thing you wanna see are these gorgeous eyes giving you a death glare! And believe me, it's way more scary than what Green 'Stache can make!
• Red Herring: Back when that green doofus thought he won a mansion, from a contest he didn't even enter (...man, and I thought MARIO was the stupid one), that little scaredy cat found signs of me all over that run down mansion, it made him think I was responsible for Mario going missing. WRONG. It actually wasn't me that time! That psycho runt King Boo finally decided to get his...nubs(???) dirty and fight Greeny, by bringing in yours truly into battle! But, lucky for green dude, that's still not me; it's just that wannabe king's puppet/suit/robot/illusion/LITERALLY PLAGIARISM of me. Made without permission too! I should sue that freak first chance I get! Sure, Linguini may have used that silly vacuum cleaner on me on those Smash tournaments, but it wouldn't have a chance to defeat me for good! Gwa ha ha ha!
• Reptiles Are Abhorrent: That's KOOPA to you, buddy! But thanks for the compliment, I try my best to be my worst! Bwa ha ha!
• Rotten Rock & Roll: YEAAAAAAH! I've been a hardcore metalhead since I was a baby! I almost always whip out a heavy shredder track when I tussle with Mario! And if there's any minion out there seeing this, make my funeral march the heaviest metal you can find. THAT'S AN ORDER.
• Royals Who Actually Do Something: Now you get me! Every other royal chump out there (not counting Peach...hugs and kisses to you!) thinks that just sitting around and looking stupid pretty (huge emphasis on STUPID) means that they can have whatever they want! Well, guess what, your lownesses! When I want something, I come out and TAKE IT! And your kingdoms are way up on the list, so pack your things and eat dirt!
• Secondary Color Nemesis: So... what about my colors? Orange and green just look so much more stylish than red and blue! Ick, that kinda gets sore on the eyes after a bit... My luxurious hair is all the red I need, thank you very much, and I can look a bit yellow-ish anyway. Speakin' of secondary colors, I also rocked some purple a few times (just don't tell that lanky wimp!).
• Smug Super: When I get a boost in power, I just can't help but rub it all over Mario's face! And besides, I feel pretty super even when I'm just normal!
• Spanner in the Works: ...Wait, so you're saying me kidnapping Peach stopped a whole alien invasion?! ...Huh! I guess that's a lesson to be grateful for your enemies! GWA HA HA!
• Spikes of Villainy: Claws, horns, armbands...I'm all about the big points, pal! Plus, if I invest my points into refining my horns, my luck with critical hits goes up a notch!
• Strong Family Resemblance: When I was a kid I really resembled Jr., and it's so much so that EVERYONE always confuses him with baby me, and vice versa. I mean, I get it, but also? COME ON! We're CLEARLY different! I never had the awesome art skills my boy has! Didja see the scribbles on my throne room's walls?! They were AWFUL!^note Kamek: Your Insecureness, no need to be so harsh on yourself! You were just a child back then...if anything, your art was better than others your age. Me: Well, obviously it is! 'Cuz it's MY art, ergo it's the best compared to the rest! Bwa ha ha!!
• True Final Boss: In one of Yoshi's weenie-hut-junior-adventures, I decided to just say "forget it" and warp through space and time to snuff out Mario from history! Why? ...Because it's COOL to time-travel! Need another reason?!
• Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Ah! I remember the time when my troops obtained the triforce when suddenly, out came Ganondorf. I never expected it to be a trap, especially since it was one that I LOST. I mean, WHAT?!! It blows my mind AND infuriates me! All because I had no holy weapons to finish him?! I have a magic paintbrush for crying out loud!
  • On the flipside of that, I've stomped not one, but three chumps without a hitch! Eggy and Dedede didn't stand a chance, and that bucket of bolts ABSOLUTELY had it coming when he almost killed my boy!
• Unstoppable Rage: Think I'm scary already, huh? Well, you got no idea what I'm made of till you get on my nerves! Get enough dirty hits in on me, and I'll kick into Fury gear to bring down the REAL PAIN! And that's if you're lucky! Jr. once tried prankin' me in my sleep once, and...I'm not sure what triggered it, but I didn't just go into Fury mode. I BECAME RAGE ITSELF. So...sleep tight knowin' what I can do, scaredy cat! HAHA!
• Vile Villain, Saccharine Show: I put a DEAD STOP to all your dumb wahoos and wahees once I come on stage! I'm called the Great Demon King Koopa for A LOT of good reasons! I've tried to remake the universe in my image, TWICE, I tried wipin' out another world with Mario inside it, and that's not even talkin' about the insane stuff I can do when I go Giga! I become a MASTER of magic and annihilation!! ...Oh wait, what am I talkin' about?! I'm already a master of those to begin with! Heh!
• Villain Ball: I don't know what a villain ball is, but it's caught my interest...maybe I'll grab it after I kidnap Peach again for the heck of it! But what to do when Mario gets there...uh...fight him on a bridge with an axe! YES! PERFECT!
• Villainous Rescue: When Mario and his pals celebrate their victory over me in the Baseball Kingdom, Mario provides fireworks by hitting little Bomb-ombs into the sky. Wario and Waluigi are, of course, sore about losing to the Mario Bros and load a full-size Bullet Bill into the cannon shooting the baseballs to try and blow up Mario. Well, nobody pulls any dirty tricks on Mario without my say-so, so I hit that Bill right back at Wario and Waluigi and blow them sky-high!
• Villain Protagonist: Don't let anyone tell you otherwise; that whole Fawful thing was stopped thanks to ME. Those lasagna noodles couldn't have done a THING without me! Though...I still gotta pummel them for screwing around inside my bod. How dare they?!
• Villain Respect: There's a big reason why I got Mario as my arch-nemesis. He's so ridiculously tough to just stomp out and leave behind! It ain't easy trying to stop the most awesome ruler in the WHOLE world, so as much as he makes me wanna throw a spiny blue shell at the nearest guy...I guess I can give him props. I GUESS.
• Villain Song:
  • Yeah, some while back I actually used to do some musical numbers. They haven't aged that fine, but I gotta admit, my voice was smooth stuff! I'm sure at least one of ya knows about THIS oldie...
  • For my return to the big screen, I came with this sick power ballad about my love for Peach. Three decades in and I've still got the pipes! No wonder they got 'im to play me instead of Mario, in your face, plumber!
• Villainous Breakdown: Look, I do got a temper, but my poor evil heart can only take so much these days. Most of the time I'm left blowing up with rage or just weeping in a corner because of how badly my plans got trashed...I can't even remember how many meltdowns I had anymore! Someone gimme a dang break! Movie me isn't safe from stress either, but then again, I'll be one to empathize; he wasn't the only one who had his wedding go down the Thwomper. Hmph.
• Villainous Friendship: When it comes to all my fellow villains who I worked with or squared off against, who's the one who's always got my back? The doc who blew up the moon!^note Eggman: You're far too kind, my rambunctious reptilian acquaintance! And if you need a big celestial object blown up yourself for whatever reason, just give me a ring!
• Villainous Glutton: I got a big appetite and little regard for the starving! Though...maybe not way big. I still got bad memories from Fawful stuffing all that food down my gullet...
• What the Hell, Dad?: Telling Jr. I lied about Peach being his mama was...tough. It was really tough. I'm still surprised the little squirt forgave me at the end, but...geez, what was wrong with me? Though maybe he just played along to have his first big shot at the pipe-cleaner, 'cause he was hoping to do it again. That's my boy!
• The Worf Effect: Why is it that every newbie villain just has to mop the floor with me before anything else?! Don't they even know who I am?! Because if not, I'm getting the feeling that batface Antasma will tell them all about what I really am! HA HA!
• Worthy Opponent:
  • No wonder I went ahead and picked Mario as my arch-nemesis...the guy's so hard to crush, but man does he know how to put up an awesome fight! I guess I could count Luigi as a good one too, his weird dream powers sorta won me over.
  • Remember that time I tried to take over the Dream Depot with that... not Junior minion? (Seriously, who in Jaydes' name even was that kid?) Well those heroes managed to beat me yet again. But hey, I told them I dreamed of fighting a strong opponent and they delivered! I tend to think positively!
• Would Hit a Girl: I may be a power-hungry tyrant, but I'm an equal opportunity power-hungry tyrant!
  • I'd love nothing more than to make Princess Peach my one-and-only, but she's become almost as a much of a pain in my shell as her plumber pals! When she's not helping the plumbers ruin my fun, she's the one who ends up saving the plumb-bums when I capture them! And when she does, I go just as all-out on her as I do on the moustached morons.
  • And I ain't no slouch against the ladies the Hand invites to his tournaments either. I don't care if she's a tin can with frickin' lasers, a witch who needs to get her freaky hair cut or a goodie two-shoe goddess. I don't back down from those canoli-chomping plumbers and I won't back down from any of them either! Bring It!
• You Killed My Father: No idea about my own pop, but I know I got taken out once! After being melted to the bone that one time, Jr. took over the troops and did everything to stop Mario and get me back to life. Not like I was GONE gone, though! I was just stuck as a Dry Bones - which SUCKED, by the way - till Jr. found the magic to restore me!
• Younger Than They Look: If that's your way of saying I'm ugly...SHUT UP! You can't tell from my chick magnet muscles, but this big bad boss isn't even half a hundred years old! I don't see a point in tellin' you a number, but I can say I've been around the block longer than that tomato-sauce-gulping wimp of a plumber has! And, HELLO, who said I was stinkin' 34?! Like I'd get to be a king THAT fast! That stuff takes time, ya know! What were you chumps even gonna use that info for anyway?! ...oh wait, LET ME GUESS... ^note  Don't click on it, Junior!
• Your Size May Vary: Yeah, I said earlier that I'm real huge and all, but it really depends on how huge. Sometimes I may be twice Mario's tiny size, other times I'm a literal mountain of awesome terror! And how's all that work? KOOPA MAGIC, SON!

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...hey, haven't ya forgotten that you came here through a Bowser Space? Well, time for a wake-up call... because I already spun my roulette in secret, right when you clicked the page! GOT YA! GWA HA HA! Now, let's see the "treat" you're gonna get...
...You've hit 10,000 Stars! Well, I guess you can get outta here a filthy rich chump! Now get over here so I can fork over the stars to you...
...
PSYCHE!!! You really thought I'd just give 'em to you?! NOT AT ALL, BUDDY! GET THWOMPED!
(a Thwomp lands on the tropey wimp, sending them back to the Main Page)
How's that for generosity?! HA! Now while you'll excuse me, I'm off to grab myself a princess and toast a couple plumbers, while you just waste your time clickin' and scrollin' all over here! GWA HA HA HAAAA!
See you later, alligator! Now WHO'S GONNA STOP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!!^note ...oh, right. BUT NOT THIS TIME, BABY! I'M COMIN' FOR YOU, TOILET SCRUBBER! JUST! YOU! WAIT!