I Need a Freaking Drink
aka: Needs A Freaking Drink
"In victory, you deserve champagne; in defeat, you need it."
Ever just have one of those
days? Where things just go From Bad to Worse
? Everything that could go wrong does go wrong
? Does the entire universe have it in for you
? Or have you just had enough of being Surrounded by Idiots
That's when you just say to yourself (or whoever happens to overhear)..."I need a freaking drink."
This comes in one of three flavors:
- Someone recites this phrase, or a variant thereof; usually omitting the "freaking" or replacing it with something else, or
- Someone reaches for the nearest alcoholic beverage, or if he is currently holding one, will down the rest of it in the blink of an eye.
- Someone discards the alcoholic beverage to grab one of greater volume and/or potency.
While this is similar to Drowning My Sorrows
, this is only a temporary solution. If the situation is especially bad, the drink can incite the same reaction as the Best Beer Ever
. Once they have the freaking drink, they're back on their feet with their head securely attached and ready to get back to business. Someone who needs a freaking drink will never have a Beard of Sorrow
, either. If they need nicotine to go with their alcohol they may opt for a Cigarette of Anxiety
Can sometimes be a type of Trigger
. Contrast No More for Me
and Liquid Courage
. Also see Gigantic Gulp
. Occasionally, the drink might be milk
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Anime and Manga
- The guidance counsellor in Archie Comics did this in response to the students' crazy personalities/aspirations. This being Archie of course, he goes to Generic Pepto-Bismol to deal with the stomach ulcers caused by the stress rather than alcohol. He's typically downing an entire bottle of the stuff by the end of one of his stories, if not by the middle.
- Calvin's teacher Miss Wormwood has done this at least once. She also variously downs antacid medicine, coffee, and large quantities of cigarettes. But with Calvin in front of her for several hours every day, who wouldn't...
Calvin: Does her doctor know she mixes all those medicines?
- In the PSmIth arc of Buck Godot: Zap Gun for Hire, Der Rock The Destroyer ends up making a big order at the bar after getting Out-Gambitted by the hero.
- Captain Cold needs a damn beer.
- Iron Man had a great inversion of this during the original Armor Wars story arc: "Even though I've never wanted a drink more... I've never needed one less."
- During Fear Itself, the Grey Gargoyle's slaughter of Paris forces him back into alcoholism, not helped by enabling dwarves and endless amounts of mead.
- From Nextwave, "My robot brain needs beer."
- Most Warren Ellis characters are like this, actually. Special notice should go to Spider Jerusalem, who, after finding out that the President is out to kill him, walks into a bar and orders 37 shots of whiskey. Earlier, after a particularly frustrating episode, he produces a shot, downs it in a blink, then shatters the shot glass against the wall (later on, his assistants copy the move perfectly at a bar to vent their own stress).
- Tintin's Captain Haddock is like this all the time. Of course, he runs around with a danger-prone reporter who's probably wanted in several countries, so this is not surprising.
- In The Simpsons Charlie and the Chocolate Parody, Krusty starts his promotional tour of his new mechandise factory (after initially forgetting about it and sleeping in) with a look at a cyborg monkey-run assembly line.
Barney: Is there anything to drink?
Krusty: You bet, and I'm going to need it after this death march.
- This Knights of the Old Republic fic features Carth of all people saying something to this effect.
- In the Harry Potter fanfic, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, Professor McGonagall goes into the bar for a drink after a long day of taking Harry shopping for school supplies. This is perfectly justified.
- Said by George (without the “freaking” part) in With Strings Attached after John reveals his wings to him. The four then proceed to a bar and get trashed (except for John, who can't any more).
- Small colorful horses have a way of driving those around them to drink. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic includes two examples in the show and a lot in its fan works, including, among many others:
- In The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle has this reaction to a movie studio's legal team trying to intimidate her into signing over the rights to her likeness for a movie the Great and Powerful Trixie is making. It probably didn't help that Twilight had thoroughly embarrassed herself in front of Trixie several times earlier in the fic.
- One My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfic, "Once Bitten, Twice Shy", gave this reaction to Fluttershy of all ponies on a disastrous not-date with Twilight Sparkle. After one setback, Rarity gives her a glass of wine to help get her confidence up. Following a particularly stressful incident, Fluttershy drains most of the wine bottle and has to be magically sobered up before she's able to stand, let alone go back into the restaurant.
- In the Friendship Is Magic fanfic Ditzy Doo's Dismally Derpy Day , Big Macintosh says that if Ditzy were to die, "Ah might just have to break my own rule against Gran'pappy Moonshine's blastin' hooch. Don't think there's nothing else that could dull that hurt."
- Windfall sees Nurse Redheart requiring a long pull of Granny Smith's "special" cider after having to deal with an outburst from mother-to-be Fluttershy, which according to Word of God included a dose of "The Stare".
- Earth and Sky: Diamond Tiara, when Professor Destiny blows her plan to tie up the Harmony Harness in a duel over patent rights by instead staking the royal charter on a race, grabs a glass of champagne and chugs it.
- When Shining Armor realizes he has to tell Princess Celestia that the Flim-Flam brothers have escaped again and turned one of her officers into a giant grape, he pulls out a bottle of liquor and a shot glass. Then he puts away the glass and chugs the bottle.
- Duel Nature: Luna's revelation that the theories he's developed over fifteen years of study are completely wrong, that he's misidentified an artifact of world shaking power as an ashtray, and that the ancient religious document he's spent the last month trying to decipher is actually an ancient takeout menu prompt Buried Secrets to start taking pulls from a hip flask in the middle of the afternoon.
- A Brief History of Equestria: According to one biographer, when Puddinghead finally won the chancellorship, her father responded by drinking heavily for almost a week.
- Rarity and the protagonist constantly do this after their dealings with Cashmere in Sophistication And Betrayal. At one point Cashmere even offers them a drink for that very purpose.
- Fluttershy and Princess Luna, at two different points, find themselves in need of alcohol in The Model Caretaker. Fluttershy steals Fleur de Lis' glass of red wine after Fleur kisses her and asks her out (Though this is pretty much the culmination of a somewhat stressful Coming-Out Story on Fluttershy's part), and Luna asks for one after finding out just how badly managed Ponyville's disaster planning is.
- Big Mac is reading Sonichu. His reaction is understandable.
- Fluttershy also has this reaction when two of her co-judges spend their time arguing with each other rather then focusing on the Battle of the Pans.
- And one semi-meta example. The Infinite Loops sometimes does this to Loopers who end up in some strange variant or other universe, but only Equestria has a bar specifically for visiting loopers to do this.
- The Great Alicorn Hunt: After her short arc in Neigh Orleans — which included, among other things, being literally dragged through the bayou by her own magic — Rarity decides to get "smashed off [her] plot" (her words) once back on her airship. Fortunately, her servants eventually switch out the champagne in her mimosas for ginger ale, keeping her from doing too much damage.
- Romance and the Fate of Equestria uses this constantly, starting in the very first chapter and remaining as a Running Gag throughout the story, sometimes Played for Drama. Fluttershy's relationship with Big Macintosh tends to be a source of these moments, from Applejack discovering he's a Chick Magnet, to Fluttershy calming her nerves on her first date with him, to Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack taking shots of what turns out to be raspberry vinaigrette as more and more bombshells about a Love Triangle are dropped.
- The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds: When Tirac's forces attack Ponyville, the Mayor's reaction is to get hammered, forcing Twilight to take over organizing the town's defenses.
- In a Bleach fanfic called "Saying I Will", the final major arc of the story has Byakuya drinking a 1000-year old Sake after finding out that Ichigo is the deceased Soul King's nephew and is next in line for the throne. Made worse by the fact his reaction is all recorded on tape.
- In Through A Diamond Sky, as Flynn's working on escaping his captors, he remarks to himself that he needs a nap, a cold beer, and a long talk with his wife; not necessarily in that order.
- In Whispers, the mere mention of his brothers is enough to get Arcanus drinking wine despite asserting earlier in that scene that he has no taste for it.
- In the Fate/stay night fan fic Nerve Damage, this is Jordan Lionstone's reactions towards who his servants are, and his servant Archer's reaction towards him.
- In an omake for White Devil of the Moon, Makoto suggests this when the whole war with the Dark Kingdom ended because Nanoha (in this fanfic the reincarnated Princess Serenity) admitted she was a lesbian and Beryl took that as a chance to go chase Mamoru instead of trying to kill everyone.
- In Who Silenced Elly Patterson, Anthony, who was supposed to be the designated driver, invoked this and said they can hire a cab instead when he figured out his father was arrested because he murdered his mother.
- In You're Cute When You're Happy, England states that he needs alcohol when he finds out America didn't realize they had been in a real relationship when they were sleeping together (which they had been doing for over sixty years).
- Snape in Harry Potter and the Descent Into Darkness after he learns that Harry is a Dark Wizard and allied with Voldemort.
- In Once More with Feeling, on a whim Shinji confesses to Pen-Pen that he's a Peggy Sue come back in time to stop the evil plans of SEELE, his father, and the Angels. Pen-Pen grabs his morning beer, thinks about it, and grabs another.
- Played more seriously with Kaji claiming it took him a few hours in a bar to steady himself after learning about the future.
- In Empath: The Luckiest Smurf, many of the adult Smurfs end up having Tapper's sarsaparilla ale instead of smurfberry wine after witnessing Smurfette marrying Papa Smurf in an alternate timeline. In the normal timeline story "Papa's Big Crush", Duncan McSmurf goes with Tapper to the tavern for a drink to get the thoughts of Smurfette with Papa Smurf out of his mind.
- In The Big Reveal, after finding out Colin Morgan has been replaced by his character Merlin in a Real World Episode sort of thing, Anthony Head reaches for a bottle of wine. He then puts it back down, stating he needs something stronger.
- In Bring Me All Your Elderly, both Zuko and his movie counterpart, Z-Patel, visit a bar for similar reasons: the former just found out he's a cartoon character, while the latter is coming to grips that he's a good actor stuck in a bad adaptation.
- In Minima Maxima Sunt OC Jenny Anderson's reaction to her adopted stray dog turning into Sirius Black was "I need a drink, want one? I've got whiskey and brandy and wine..."
- Agent Coulson leaves to get a drink in Amateur Theatrics after having to tell Fury about a spectacularly bad mission that ended with Steve depowered, Tony gender bent, Natasha and Bruce body switched, Loki an amnesiac child, and Thor in a coma (Clint ends up being left in charge purely because he's the only one who hasn't had any crazy shit happen to him).
- Odin asks for more wine after waking up from a coma in The Morning After when he finds out Loki had been in charge and had made several changes to Asgard, including instituting a parliamentary democracy, writing a constitution, setting up an electrical grid, and establishing banks (and bank holidays to go with them).
- In Back to the Future Part III, Doc heads to a bar after Clara dumps him, not believing his story about being a time traveler. Notably, Doc doesn't actually drink until the early morning... and as soon as he downs one shot, he collapses.
- Done in the Robin Williams/Nathan Lane comedy The Birdcage. After Armond learns his son, Val, is getting married, Armond downs an entire glass of white wine, then goes to get even more.
- The Patriot. After getting thoroughly chewed out by his superior, Col. Tavington watches a ship full of munitions, supplies and General Cornwallis' good clothes get blown to splinters by Benjamin Martin's militia. This takes place at a very gallant ball overlooking the harbor (and the ship). One of the partygoers mistakes the destruction for fireworks. Tavington quickly downs his drink and spikes the glass into the ground.
- In Paint Your Wagon Clint Eastwood's character, who doesn't usually drink, needs a drink really badly after Jean Seberg's chraracter reveals to him and Lee Marvin's character that she loves both Eastwood AND Marvin and wants to live with both of them.
- Unforgiven, another Clint Eastwood film. Clint's character, who is trying to put his murderous past behind him, has sworn off the bottle because when he gets drunk, he gets mean. When the news that Ned was killed reaches him, he takes one drink after another, signaling a return to his murderous ways and one hell of a violent revenge coming against Ned's killer, Little Bill.
- From Hell: One of the prostitutes says as much and goes out to buy some hooch. Bad idea with Jack The Ripper on the prowl.
- In UHF, "Weird Al" Yankovic's character, George, has hit the low point of his life, so he leaves the TV studio saying that he needs a drink. His friend Bob points out that he doesn't drink, and George replies, "Yeah, but I've been meaning to start."
- Galaxy Quest: "Where are you going?" "To see if there's a pub!"
- Played with in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country: After the not-quite-successful diplomatic dinner involving Kirk, Chancellor Gorkon, their respective senior staffs, and rather too much Romulan Ale, the Klingons have just beamed off the Enterprise, at which point Bones leaves the transporter room proclaiming, "I'm going to go find a pot of black coffee".
- The Indian in the Cupboard had the cowboy character stumble hungover out of the titular magic cupboard, unaware that he'd been transported through time and space (and size). After swearing to lay off the hooch several times in a row, he realizes that he's surrounded by giants, and proclaims, "Oh my dear sweet Lord. I need me a drink."
- Parodied in Airplane by Lloyd Bridges' character, Steve McCroskey, complaining "Looks like I picked a bad day to quit smoking/drinking/amphetamines/sniffing glue" and then being shown indulging in the indicated substance in the next scene.
- Shorti does this in Scary Movie 2. Watching the butler "mishandle" the turkey for the feast forces him to down a bottle of red wine in short order.
- Red Dawn (1984) has Col. Tanner explaining military tactics to a bunch of high-schoolers: "Now I think that's pretty simple. Any questions so far?" Kid: "Yeah, what's a flank?" "What's a defilade?" Tanner: "I need a drink!"
- "Well if we stay down here long enough, I'll have to lay off the fuckin' booze, Steel, 'cause there won't fuckin' be any of it fuckin' left! In the meanwhile I will continue to indulge myself and I will continue doing my best in the good fight against dry-rot and rust."
- Done in the 2009 Sherlock Holmes film. After systematically taking out his opponent in a pit fight, he walks over to a small table, snatches a bottle of beer off it, uncorks it with his teeth and chugs it as he walks by.
- Of course, Holmes tends to be the opposite of this, in that when things are crazy is for the most part when he doesn't need a freaking drink. Calm moments and inactive periods, however, inspire him to get zonked out of his mind to stop it from being bored.
- Variation in Hellboy II: The Golden Army. "You're in love. Have a beer."
- One of the Americans in The Mummy, while hiding from Imhotep (ineffectively; it's Imhotep) tells his friend to bring him "a glass of bourbon. And a shot of bourbon. And a bourbon chaser!"
- Benny & Joon: Shortly after meeting Cloudcuckoolander Sam for the first time, Benny mutters "I need a beer."
- In My Man Godfrey, during a typical evening at home, Mr. Bullock takes a whole tray of martinis & asks Godfrey to repeat the order in 30 minutes.
- Star Wars: After a wild skimmer chase through downtown Coruscant and an attempt on Padme's life, Obi-Wan announces his intention of getting a drink - or two. Never get into a vehicle piloted by Anakin Skywalker.
- Pirates of the Caribbean: "But why is the rum gone?" It's an impressive day when you can accomplish a mission 'without a drop of rum'.
- In Clue, as the guests try to determine how Mr. Boddy died when it seems like he wasn't murdered, Mrs. Peacock shouts "Oh, I need a drink!" and helps herself to some brandy. But while drinking, Professor Plum theorizes "Maybe he was poisoned!", making Mrs. Peacock throw the glass on the ground and scream her head off.
- In The Little Shop of Horrors, Mr. Mushnik returns late to the shop to get some money to pay his restaurant bill and sees Seymour feeding body parts to the plant. He instantly dashes back to the restaurant and demands alcohol—any kind they've got, as long as he gets drunk.
- In The Avengers, after his army is destroyed and he gets hilariously stomped by the Hulk, Loki admits to the Avengers that, if it's okay with them, he'll have the drink Tony offered him earlier.
- In Thor, Coulson lets Selvig take Thor back to town with the admonition to "keep him away from the bars". Where does Selvig immediately take Thor? "To get a drink!"
- Bridget Jones' Diary: When Bridget screws up her cooking, she takes a swig from a bottle of some alcohol.
- In Gattaca, Jerome says to Vincent that they "must get drunk immediately".
- John Constantine has had a pretty rotten day. Between a bad exorcism, getting the long face from his doctor, hearing from Gabriel that he's damned no matter what he does, Midnite turning down his plea to use the Chair, and John himself hacking up blood, it's small wonder he busts out the Ardbeg when he gets home.
- A subtle version happens in Babylon A.D.. During a bonding session with the two women on his Live-Action Escort Mission, mercenary Toorop offers Sister Rebeka a Quick Nip from his hip flask. She refuses despite his kidding her over it. Suddenly Aurora says, "We're all going to die in New York". Sister Rebeka says, "She's just scared" then drinks from the flask.
Toorop: Yeah, right.
- The Quick and the Dead. Lady after her gunfight with Dred; she resists a demand to Finish Him! by the Big Bad and heads straight for the saloon for a drink. As Dred just raped his daughter, the Saloon Owner is only too glad to hand her a free one. As he does so, it's shattered by a bullet fired by a Too Dumb to Live Dred, who's burst into the saloon after her. The murdered drink is immediately avenged by the quick-shootin' Lady.
- In 9 to 5, all three leading ladies — Violet Newstead, Doralee Rhodes, and Judy Bernley — decide to leave work and head for Charlie's for a drink when faced with their individual work crises (Violet being passed over for a promotion, Doralee's advertised "affair with the boss", and Judy witnessing one of the co-workers being fired over a private discussion of wage differences). And at each of their departures, Margaret the alcoholic secretary simply says "Atta girl!"
- In The Godfather, after Sonny Corleone's death, Tom Hagen needs a drink to steady himself before he can break the news to the Don.
- An Invoked Trope in Sword of Gideon (1986). A Mossad agent defuses several Booby Traps in his safehouse. Relieved, he opens the fridge to get a drink and sees an Incredibly Obvious Bomb just before it explodes.
- From the Deryni works by Katherine Kurtz:
- In Deryni Checkmate, after he meets a strangely well-informed grey-cowled figure on the road to Coroth, Duncan goes to Morgan's study and pours himself "a small glass of the strong red wine Alaric kept for just such emergencies", downs it and pours another for sipping while waiting for Morgan to gracefully exit his state dinner in progress downstairs. After Duncan begins recounting the event to his cousin, Morgan gets up and pours a glass for himself.
- After Rothana shares Janniver's memory of her rape, Kelson wanders his camp for a time before going to Morgan's tent. Seeing the expression on Kelson's face, Morgan sends his stepson Brendan to bed and pours Kelson a cup of wine; Kelson gulps half of it down, sits down with a sigh, and takes a second deep pull before he can discuss the experience.
- Commander Vimes tends to think this when things are going particularly poorly, but after Guards! Guards! he quit (with a brief relapse in Men at Arms), and for a long time afterwards had to remind himself that just one would be too many. William de Worde's first impression of him in The Truth is that Vimes is "badly" everything, as in badly spoken, badly dressed, and badly in need of a drink.
- It's actually been mentioned that Vimes is, in fact, slightly "Knurd": meaning he's more sober than sober, and actually needs at least one drink in him to be "normal". Klatchian coffee is so strong that it has the same effect, but the Klatchians make very certain they are well and truly out of their heads on orakh (the only liquor on the Disc that can match scumble for potency, made from cactus sap and scorpion venom) before partaking.
- In a scene in Witches Abroad, Nanny Ogg is both figuratively and literally stuck between Magrat and Granny Weatherwax after the two have a falling-out. As the three walk along a yellow brick road, Magrat says, half to herself "What some people need is a bit more heart," to which Granny replies "What some people need is a lot more brain." Nanny, meanwhile, thinks to herself "What I need is a drink."
- Honorary mention of Carpe Jugulum here, where having a damn drink actually HELPS you resist vampire mind control... and Nanny rather seems to approve.
- In Hogfather, when a huge surplus of extra belief floods Discworld, one of the beings created is Bilious, the Oh God of Hangovers, who experiences the consequences when other people engage in this trope. At one point, he much relishes a chance to turn the tables on a god who loves to get drunk: his brother, Bibulous, God of Wine.
- In Mort, one of the mortal pleasures Death attempts is drinking. When he and the bartender discuss his lack of friends, he pauses, then muses aloud that he thinks he could be friends with the next bottle of booze.
- Good Omens: Crowley and Aziraphale do this after Crowley delivers the newborn Antichrist to the hospital where he'll be switched with another family's baby, and the pair are forced to confront the possibility of The End of the World as We Know It, and all the great things Earth has going for it.
Crowley: ...The point is... the point I'm trying to make... is dolphins. That's my point...
- This also happens to Crowley in the backstory:
Crowley got a commendation for the Spanish Inquisition. He had been in Spain then, mainly hanging around cantinas in the nicer parts, and hadn’t even known about it until the commendation arrived. He’d gone to have a look, and come back and got drunk for a week.
- Harry Potter gets his first taste of Ogden's Fire Whiskey in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows after the Battle Over Little Whinging.
- More fitting this trope is of course Hagrid's reaction to only narrowly escaping the most powerful dark wizard of all times: "Haven't go' any brandy, have yeh, Molly?" asked Hagrid a little shakily, "Fer medicinal purposes?" (She has.)
- Happens a lot in the Garrett, P.I. series, as befits a homage to Hardboiled Detective fiction. Even the Grand Inquisitor demanded brandy in a jar when he stopped by to complain about his ecclesiastical colleagues. Upon his return from one emotionally-wracking case, Garrett's associates practically forced a mug into the main character's hand, anticipating that this trope was in effect.
- Lightsong, a Physical God in Warbreaker, is rather fond of avoiding his godly responsibilities by trying to get drunk, despite his long-suffering high priest's insistence that he is physically incapable of getting drunk.
- Henry Kuttner's character Galloway Gallegher works best when plastered anyway, but special mention to the story "Time Locker".
"Yeah, that's it," he murmured after a while. "Whew! I guess Vanning must have been the only guy who ever reached into the middle of nest week and—killed himself! I think I'll get tight."
And he did.
- Used in more than a few volumes of The Dresden Files. The biggest one occurs in Changes after Harry learns he and Susan have an 8-year old daughter she never told him about.
- Lawrence says this (though not in those exact words) when Temeraire brings up the subject of prostitutes. Specifically when he notes that the runner Emily Roland seemed rather young to seek their services.
- Shows up all the time in the works of Robert Asprin.
- In Another Fine Myth, Aahz asks for a drink after he realizes just how stuck he is in Klahd's dimension.
- Deconstructed in Sweet Mythsteries Of Life, where Skeeve's constant need of a drink pushes him toward The Alcoholic.
- Shows up in the third book of the Serpentwar Saga. Pug, Nakor and Miranda have finally tracked down the legendary wizard Macros the Black in their quest to get his aid in dealing with the Serpent Queen. Miranda (whose background has been a total mystery up to that point) addressed Macros as Daddy and then says
Miranda: It's Mother. She's trying to destroy the world.
Macros: I need a drink.
Miranda: First you need a bath.
- In "Best Served Cold" by Joe Abercrombie, Cosca turns "A drink, a drink, a drink," almost into a personal credo.
- In The Wheel of Time after Min, Aviendha and Elayne bond Rand, Elayne decides to take this opportunity to finally bed Rand. Birgitte, who's bonded to Elayne and, like everyone else is aware of everything Elayne is doing and feeling through their bond and the other two decide that yes they do indeed need a drink, in the plural sense and as soon as can be arranged.
- In "The Winds of War," Pug Henry declares his need for a drink when his son Byron is still missing somewhere in Europe, his son Warren the fighter pilot has apparently been shot down in his plane, his wife Rhonda is leaving him and his battleship was sunk shortly before he was scheduled to take command of it.
- Happens pretty frequently in Jeeves and Wooster, since Bertie's automatic stress response is to go someplace and order a few drinks. If Jeeves is in the vicinity, he'll prepare the drink, but he never needs a drink himself.
- Ciaphas Cain (Hero of the Imperium!) has often been found taking a swig of amasec (brandy) "far faster than such a fine example of the distiller's art deserved." Considering the Tyrannid swarms, suicical terrorists, and other horrible reasons for needing the drink (and yet passing for normal in this psychotic universe), this is fully justified.
- Robert A. Heinlein's short story And He Built a Crooked House: Quintus Teal and the Baileys become trapped in the middle of his bizzarrchitectural masterpiece. When Teal hands Bailey a shot of liquor to help revive his wife who fainted, he downs it himself.
- In the book Widow's Walk, Spenser and Rita Fiore are dealing with the stupidest person they have ever dealt with (in a series notorious for the level of stupidity possessed by the characters the protagonist sometimes encounters), and Rita says to him "I need a drink". After finishing up and leaving, they go directly to a bar and have two martinis each.
- Paladin of Shadows:
- Mike Jenkins, in Choosers of the Slain, made plans for meeting Pierson in a bar after the talk with Senator Traskel, though meeting with the Senate leadership is noted to have been more of a "ballbuster" for him.
- In Unto the Breach, after flying low and slow (due to the helicopter being heavily overloaded) past a trio of enemy bunkers Captain Kacey Bathlick says to her helicopter's crew chief that after "one hairy fucking mission" she seriously needs a drink... Kacey doesn't drink. She later laments, in A Deeper Blue, that some times she wishes her water were beer when she's told about the Rite of Kardane and what happened with Gretchen.
- An inversion in the Tim Powers novel The Drawing of the Dark: Brian Duffy, a tavern bouncer and sometime mercenary, staggers into his workplace and demands an explanation for the crazy weird stuff that keeps happening to him. His boss responds: "You need a drink," and after a moment's thought, Duffy replies: "Yes, but if I have one I'll be sick." (Instead he gets something to smoke.)
- Subverted in Honor Harrington. Queen Elizabeth and President Eloise Pritchart are meeting aboard Honor's flagship. Her steward, MacGuiness, asks everyone if they would like refreshments. Elizabeth considers having a rather strong drink, but decides against it.
- Katniss in Catching Fire after the Quarter Quell announcement.
- Jane Eyre: When Mr Rochester hears from Jane that Mr. Mason arrived at Thornfield, he says that it's a blow, and asks Jane to bring him a glass of wine. She does and he promptly swallows the contents.
- In The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, after narrowly avoiding death by Vogon via escaping to the titular restaurant, Zaphoid and Ford quickly head for the bar. Ford becomes so drunk he's hilariously incoherent for much of the scene.
- While August from Of Fear and Faith usually bemoans needing a smoke, he mentions how he used to drink very heavily instead and invokes this trope after his painfully awkward attempts to introduce himself to the other main characters.
- In Dave Barry Slept Here, the final chapter has only one discussion question at the end: "How about we go get a beer?"
- As the series progresses, this is an increasingly common response by Stephanie Plum's mother to antics by her mother or her daughter.
- In Sheeps Clothing, two close encounters with vampires in 24 hours drive Dic Meadows to whiskey to calm his nerves.
- Various characters at various points in Death Star, as the ethical implications of serving on an installation that destroys planets become keenly felt. Stated in Atour's narration, almost word for word.
- In the Hoka series, this is a common response by humans to Hoka antics.
Live Action TV
- In Auction Kings, the team needs to test a gasoline-powered blender. They resort to a margarita-making contest.
- The Trope image is The Colbert Report. During this "The Wørd" segment after the 2006 Midterms (and giving the Democrats control of the House), Stephen Colbert was visibly depressed, slouched over and with his head in his hand. The bullet point reacted to this by displaying this exact phrase (see above)
- Happens several times on Happy Endings. In one episode, after finding out that her husband Brad had taken her to a restaurant when they were dating, planning to break up with her, Jane says, "I will be at the bar, destroying myself."
- Again in the Valentine's Day episode, after almost the entire gang have failed to have a good romantic evening, they watch Max leave after reconnecting with his ex-boyfriend Grant.
Penny: What should we do now?
Dave: Let's get drunk.
- In Season 5, Episode 2 of The Good Wife, Alicia comes home to find her meddlesome mother has taken Alicia's daughter shopping for dresses. Alicia asks if the dresses are appropriate, her mother insists (with characteristic telling indignation) that they are. Alicia says, more to herself than anything else, 'I'm going to start drinking."
- Done on The Daily Show when Jon and Mike Huckabee discuss abortion and the pro-life movement.
- Jon Stewart after a bad day on The Daily Show:
...I could do with a hot fudge sundae. And a bottle of vodka.
- Ben Harper in My Family takes this to almost Catch Phrase levels.
- Happens every now and then on Babylon 5. In one episode, Londo hands Vir an unpleasant mission while at the bar and Vir finishes off the drink his boss abandoned at the table before heading out. The temptation is probably pretty heavy for Garibaldi at times.
- As with virtually every other liquor-related trope, Battlestar Galactica has developed this trope into high art. Virtually every major character says some variation of "I need/could use a drink" at least once in the series, typically at a very important moment.
- In an early How I Met Your Mother episode, Ted is going to break up for the second time with a girl he dated much earlier in life - the first time he broke up with her he accidentally did it on her birthday. When he realizes it's her birthday yet again and she starts to say how he's brought hope back into her life, he turns to the waiter and says "Oh so much more wine."
- Jen does this in The It Crowd when hearing of how a high school classmate has the perfect successful life that Jen wished she had.
- Nate says or does this every now and then in Leverage. As a recovering alchoholic, it's a bad sign. Notably, at the end of The Twelve-Step Job, after he has been in rehab with a happy-pilled Parker for several days.
Sophie: (Indicating that he should return to rehab) Well. Are you ready to finish what you started?
Nate: I need a drink.
- Anya in the Buffy episode "Doppelgangland" (3x16). Subverted because she can't get even that as she's stuck in the form of a California high school student. "I'm 1,120 years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!!"
- A season later, in Buffy's "Something Blue" (4x09), Giles is driven to his limits by the sight of Buffy and Spike engaged and smooching each other (under the influence of a spell gone bad). When Buffy asks Giles to give her away at the wedding and declares "we're family," Giles can only reply, "It's all right. I have more Scotch." (And he's had more than a few shots by that point.) Later in the season, after Spike's attempt to split the True Companions, he goes into a depressed funk and consoles himself with drink.
- The Trio had made a pretty good attempt at destroying Buffy's life, and Spike tries to console her with whiskey. She drinks most of it on him, then he invites her out to a demon bar to get information. She goes because there'll be more alcohol and when a drink of some indeterminate spirits is about to be poured for Spike, Buffy takes the bottle and spends the night going through it. Every shot is straight.
- In a season 7 Buffy episode where Buffy is showing the potential slayers the demon bar, Clem plays a particularly frightening joke on them, causing Vi to say, "I could use a shot of that yak urine right about now."
- In season 5 of Buffy, Quentin Travers does the Stuffy Brit version after Buffy reads him the riot act.
Travers: Uh, Rupert? When we inventoried your shop, we found a bottle of single malt scotch behind the, uh, incense holders.
Giles: Well, it's, it's not, you know, during working hours...
Travers: I think I could use a glass.
- Fred is rather alarmed when Angelus says this, because he's an evil bloodsucking vampire.
- Lorne often needs a Sea Breeze, or as he calls it, Our Lady of the Perpetual Sea Breeze.
- On an episode of Mork and Mindy, Mork tries to explain religion to Orson, who becomes so confused he decides he needs a drink.
- In Sex and the City, Carrie and Samantha are stuck on an interminably long train ride. This includes "dining with the Amish", a couple who happen to be sitting next to them in the cafeteria. Momentarily forgetting her company, Carrie says "Oh, God I need a big ol' drink." The Amish couple look at her. "Sorry."
- In Pawn Stars, Rick and Corey get a Peter Lik print. While staring at the image, Corey remarks that it makes him want to have a beer.
- Stargate Universe, Air Part 3. Chloe Armstrong's mother finds out her husband is dead and her daughter is stranded on a ship billions of miles away. The way she throws down whiskey is this trope without the phrase.
- NCIS. "Minimum Security". Gibbs grumbles "I need coffee" after being woken up by a naked Tony pointing his pistol at an iguana.
- In the Supernatural episode "Red Sky," Sam is escorting an elderly woman at a fancy-dress party, who is hitting on him ''very'' hard. At one point she presents him with a glass of champagne, raises her own, and says, "To us." Sam promptly downs the entire glass.
- Also, in the episode "The Real Ghostbusters", Sam and Dean say "I need a drink" in sync after being thoroughly weirded-out by some LARPing fans. Of themselves.
- Also, Castiel does a variation of this in the season 5 finale (when they realise that they are really really screwed):
Castiel: I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol.
- In the ill-fated early 90s reboot of Dark Shadows, after saving Josette from the zombie of Jeremiah Collins, his father Joshua says, "I need a stiff drink!"
- In one episode of Yes, Minister, Jim Hacker comes home and states 'I want a triple scotch'. Bernard comes in and is asked by Annie if he wants a scotch. He says, 'Yes, could I have a large one please' to which Annie replies 'so, another triple'.
- A double example appears in one episode of Friends: first Monica accepts Rachel's offer of margaritas after her painstakingly organised photo collection gets messed up; later, while collecting ingredients for the margaritas from Ross' apartment, Rachel accidentally overhears Emily leave a message on Ross' answering machine saying she's having doubts about re-marrying. She immediately unscrews the cap of the tequila she's holding and takes a swig straight from the bottle.
- In the episode "Everybody Finds Out", Phoebe and Rachel decide to have Phoebe hit on Chandler to prove that he and Monica are seeing each other. This escalates to the point where they're in Chandler's apartment for a date. When Phoebe pours them wine and they toast, both promptly drain their entire glasses.
- When Monica dates Fun Bobby, she notices that he drinks too much, and convinces him to stop. However, he was fun for a reason, and throughout the episode, Monica needs freaking drinks to deal with his boring stories.
- A noteworthy example in a M*A*S*H episode is when Hawkeye takes a challenge to abstain from alcohol. The story climaxes with Hawkeye having the terrifying experience of keeping a prisoner's grenade from detonating in the operating room. After the successful conclusion, the gang goes to the Officer's Club where Hawkeye gets a drink saying that he needs it. However, after a few fateful seconds, Hawkeye pushes the drink away saying "I'll have it when I want it, not when I need it."
- Amusingly subverted in one episode of Bones (paraphrased):
Brennan: (searching) I need vodka!
Booth: So do I, Bones, but we're on duty here!
Brennan: No... to preserve the tissue samples.
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Kira is helping two rival Bajoran clans resolve a territorial dispute. This exchange ensues.
Quark: Kira! I always look forward to your infrequent visits.
Kira: Quark, save the small talk and get me a Stardrifter.
Quark: So how are the negotiations going?
Kira: Make it a double.
- In The West Wing, when C.J. tells Abbey Bartlet that the swing vote on her medical review board is recusing himself:
Abbey: Claudia Jean? Let's go get drunk.
- In the House episode "Role Model", House is pressured by Vogler into giving a speech. When House, in mid-speech, goes Off the Rails (putting it very mildly), Chase reaches for his glass, presumably of champagne, and downs the whole glass in one gulp.
- Used in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries as "D'you fancy a drink?", usually said by one of the partners to the other after a particularly hard case.
- Subverted in an episode of Monk, in which Monk, who doesn't drink, is visiting Natalie's parents while despairing over a hiring freeze at the police department:
Monk: There's never hope. I wish I drank. Is it wonderful?
Peggy: Yeah. It's pretty great.
- In an episode of Castle when Rick is practicing making drinks in the kitchen, his teenage daughter walks in saying "I need a drink." When he gives her A Look, she explains she meant water.
- In another episode, Castle "quotes" Ernest Hemingway as saying, "Man, I sure could use a drink right about now."
- In one of the earlier episodes, Castle takes Beckett to a fancy ball, after being introduced to the mayor, Castle asks Beckett if she wants a drink, her reaction was very much this trope, though she tried to back out of it (Castle ignores her).
Castle:Can I get you a drink?
Beckett: Yeah. Vodka. Lots of vodka [he makes a great face and leaves to do so but she holds him back]...But I'm on duty. So water?
Castle: [rolls his eyes and smirks]
- Beckett spent a few months in Ukraine as an exchange student, so, yes, she knows how to handle vodka.
- In the 30 Rock episode "Christmas Attack Zone," Liz downs her entire glass of white wine upon learning exactly want Jack was going to do: ambushing his mother with his biological father to get back at her for her hypocritical disapproval of getting Avery pregnant.
- On Home Improvement, Jill hastily asks for some liquor when she is worried about her son Brad driving by himself for the first time. In another instance, Tim gulps down his drink after he is Mistaken for Gay at a bar.
- In the Community episode "Mixology Certification" Annie starts off the night ordering Root Beers but as she gets progressively worked up about planning out her entire life she eventually ends up switching to screwdrivers.
- Mad Men features this constantly, albeit usually without saying the phrase. Expect Roger (and Don during Season 4) to immediately reach for the booze when something goes wrong... or simply when they enter a room.
- Doctor Who
- Amy needs another glass of wine when she realizes she's the Doctor's mother-in-law.
- In "The Snowmen", Captain Latimer's first response when things start going wacky is to head for the drinks cabinet. The Doctor pours himself one too... then hands it to the Captain.
- From the the original series, this exchange from the end of "The Daemons" as Yates and The Brigadier are watching some Morris dancers:
Yates: Fancy a dance, Brigadier?
Brigadier: It's kind of you, Captain Yates. I think I'd rather have a pint.
- The Big Bang Theory uses this as a Running Gag with Penny, notably in the season four premiere where she is dragged into chaperoning Sheldon on his first "date" with Amy Farrah Fowler. As it becomes clear that Amy is the Distaff Counterpart of Sheldon, especially when it comes to No Social Skills, they eventually turn their combined lack of tact on Penny. Once it gets to calculating how many men she has slept with, she begs the waiter for a drink.
- Toward the end of the Parks and Recreation episode "Dave Returns" (S4E15), Leslie says "And now I am going to endorse ten beers into my mouth, because today has been very stressful." (Or words to that effect). Despite the large number of beers, it counts as needing a freaking drink and not Drowning My Sorrows because Leslie specifically cites stress as a factor, and it's a one-time thing (at a party at a bar, no less).
- In the Bitchin' Kitchen, when Nadia asks Panos' wife how she deals with her marriage, her response is "a little ouzo goes a long way."
- Sam on Burn Notice has "always loved his beer" as one guest star put it. It's when he stops drinking that you should worry:
Please, I'm not leverage. You want a beer? (opens the fridge) Sam: (slams the fridge shut)
No, I don't
want a beer! Madeline: Okay, this is serious
- Played straight at least once, at the end of "Old Friends".
- Sam double-subverted this in a season 6 episode - with 4 guys outside with guns, he turns to Barry and says, "ok... I need a beer." Barry tells him to keep it together, this is no time to get drunk. Sam actually wanted the can for a plan, for which he needed the beer, some scissors, Barry's wallet, and a glass. What's the glass for? To drink the beer, after he's done with the can.
- Once Upon a Time:
- The X-Files:
- JAG: The first season episode "War Cries" gives us Ambassador Bartlett, a snarky career politician who discusses matters of state and embassy security while sipping scotch. As the episode continues, we see that she has quite a bit to drink about.
- The Muppet Show: in one episode, set on a train station because the theatre is being fumigated, Miss Piggy opens a Veterinarian's Hospital sketch by attempting to extract a bottle of wine from a nearby box.
- Haven: Duke has a pretty good excuse when he's suddenly stranded in the past:
Man: It's 1955. It's the year you should think about sobering up.
Duke: Actually, I think that it's the year I start drinking. Heavily.
- Monroe’s response to finding out that a hardcore Grimm might be in town, he keeps drinking a glass of red wine like it’s a lifeline while telling Hank and Nick about it.
- Also, in "The Three Bad Wolves", after finding out that Hap was willing to cooperate with a Grimm (and also that none of them were trying to kill each other), this was Angelina's response.
- Happens a lot to Monroe in "Season of the Hexenbiest", though the circumstances are more emotional than physical in the above cases.
- Nick and Monroe both do this in Face Off, Nick after seeing Renard kissing Juliette and being told they're probably under a spell and Monroe a bit later. They're having that kind of day — at the end of that kind of week.
- Monroe does this when he and Nick are trying to figure out how to undo the spell on Renard and Juliette. The reason he needs one is because all the twists and complications in the process pretty much involve every character in the show.
- A lighter version occurs in "Mr. Sandman" as Nick, Hank, Monroe, and Rosalee talk about Captain Renard and his... complex backstory.
- In "The Waking Dead", Juliette, Monroe, Rosalee, and Bud are unanimous on this point after events in the spice shop.
- In The Borgias, a quite snarky version, courtesy of Machiavelli: "Now that we've surrendered Florence, can we at least pour the wine?"
- Rome. This is Marc Antony's comment after the religious ceremony (implied to be long and boring) to make him tribune. Antony's slave agrees, "Perhaps after the meeting?"
- The Walking Dead Has the season four episode "Still." Beth Greene decides that she needs a freaking drink. She's lost everyone, except Daryl, her father was killed in front of her, and she was driven from her home and into the undead filled wilderness. Again. The episode revolves around Beth's search for booze.
- "Seven Days" by Sting is about the singer trying to beat a dumb but strong guy for a girl. The second verse ends like this:
My rival is Neanderthal, it makes me think
Perhaps I need a drink
IQ is no problem here
We won't be playing scrabble for her hand I fear
I need that beer
- "Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota" by "Weird Al" Yankovic
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity
I had to pop myself a beer
- Very many Country Music songs about Drowning My Sorrows, far too many to count, will also have the narrator explaining this in some way.
- "Teenage Daughters" by Martina McBride, however, is a non-Drowning My Sorrows example (it's, obviously, about the highs and lows of raising teenage daughters). The first and last stanza of the song is:
I ain't complaining, but I'm tired, so I'm just saying what I think
And if we're being honest, then honestly, I think I need a drink
- Also, there's Terri Clark's "The World Needs a Drink", where she fantasizes about gathering all the world powers together for a drink at the bar to forget their troubles.
- The Drive-By Truckers song "Daddy Needs a Drink".
- The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, when it's established that (due to the effects of the Infinite Improbability Drive) Ford and Trillian are the only two members of the core cast who haven't coincidentally met before:
Zaphod: Oh, god. [rapidly] Ford, this is Trillian, Hi. Trillian, this is my semi-cousin Ford who shares three of the same mothers as me. Hi. [...] Zaphod Beeblebrox, this is a very large drink. Hi.
- Dr. Conway (known as Uncle Kage) was talking about his woes with the "ABC" Security Company—then he slipped and said the company's real name (ADT). While he usually sips wine from a glass throughout his show, after that goof he chugged straight from the bottle, much to the amusement of the audience.
- Kathy Griffin 's mother's reaction to hearing that Kathy would be going on a cruise with lesbians and their children: "I need a drink!" *click*
- A Very Potter Musical:
"Uggh. I need a butterbeer."
- Several productions of Les Misérables (including the 2012 film) have Fantine take a swig of something just before she makes her decision to be a prostitute.
- Near the end of 1776, John Hancock reverses his position on rum in the Congressional chamber after Rutledge and the South walk out over the anti-slavery clause. Not as funny as it sounds, as it's basically the Darkest Hour in the debate.
- The Moon Is Blue:
Patty (suddenly): I'd like a drink.
David (promptly): Good idea.
Don: I thought you considered it high school to drink unless you actually craved it.
Patty (defiantly): Well, I crave it now.
- In The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) Romeo is about the drink the poison, kiss Juliet, and die. As both characters are played by men, the actor playing Romeo takes another swig of the "poison" before kissing the man lying before him, as if hoping that the stuff will deaden his senses.
- One of the disgruntled Motor World pedestrians in Crash Tag Team Racing exasperatedly shouts "I need a drink! That's an understatement."
- In The Punisher video game, after you complete the Stark Enterprises level, a cutscene with Iron Man appears where he looks at the mess you made and, visibly shocked, says "I need a drink."
- In Bully, Galloway says "I need a drink!" if you annoy him by repeatedly writing gibberish in English class.
- In Metal Gear Solid 3, one of Snake's radio support members Para-Medic, who has the job of telling him how to maintain his health and what animals and plants are okay for him to eat, informs him of a certain type of mushroom he has procured that should never be combined with alcohol. Para-Medic being the good physician she is explains that the mushroom inhibits the body's natural ability to absorb and break down alcohol so if you were to go drinking after eating it you would get a hangover from hell. Snake finds this fascinating but he takes Para-Medic's words as an insult asking if she honestly thinks he would risk compromising the mission at hand by drinking alcohol, Para-Medic responds by saying that she is popping back a shot right now as they speak and says that Snake should join her and loosen up. Snake is flabbergasted by Para-Medic and grunts in disgust, who then says that she was only joking, which in frustration causes Snake to mutter under his breath, "Uh... I need a drink.", before ending the conversation.
- In Half-Life 2, the phrase "Huugh... I need a drink, who's with me?" is said by a Rebel Base Commander after surviving a raid by a Combine Hunter-Chopper.
- In Blood, "I sure could use a drink." is one of the lines that is uttered by Calib. After all he's been through, like being turned into a zombie and having his god desert him, you can't blame him.
- In Mass Effect 1, a Renegade Shepard can destroy businessman Lorik Qui'in's career for being reluctant to testify against a corrupt Administrator. When he finds out, the poor guy's reaction is, "Excuse me, please. I feel the need to order more drinks while I can still afford them."
- In Mass Effect 3: Citadel, this will be Jack's response to the suggestion that she sleep with Miranda, who concurs.
- In Lair of the Shadow Broker, it turns out that Admiral/Councillor Anderson a) watches a lot of material that obviously annoys him (such as a documentary aimed at exonerating the bad guy of the first game) and b) buys a lot of expensive alcohol, usually immediately after watching said material. The inference is obvious, especially given that most of the time where that isn't happening, his work involves Ambassador Udina and/or the Citadel council, which would drive anyone to drink.
- Fallen London has an entire side quest started by and devoted to one of these moments.
- In Dragon Age: Origins, if you discuss Alistair becoming king and marrying Queen Anora with him and Arl Eamon at Arl Eamon's estate, Alistair will say, in a shaky voice, "I think I need a drink. Or ten."
- Once Arl Howe explains that he hired the Antivan Crows to assassinate the surviving Wardens, Loghain turns away and drains his goblet.
- In Dragon Age II, Hawke can invite Varric to share a drink at the Hanged Man after dealing with Bartrand being warped by the lyrium idol in Act II of the game.
- In Ar tonelico Qoga, returning character Cocona is often seen mentioning her need for a drink whenever you end up building some of the more reality-breaking items in the game, such as a floating tablet... out of spare parts.
- More or less implied in a few Tales Series games. One case that leaps to mind is from Tales of the Abyss, when the party briefly disbands in Grand Chokmah. You have to relocate a few of your party members. Jade Curtiss is in the bar.
- During episodes 3, 4 and 5 of The Walking Dead, Kenny has this reaction to most events (after Duck and Katja have died, Kenny will be unable to refuse any bottles of Whiskey he finds) . Crista also falls prey to this despite being pregnant and Lee has the option to drink with Kenny and Chuck on several occasions.
- Played With in a humourous way in season 2 episode 1, when Clementine has a juice box with her when she has to fix a wound on her arm. The player can invoke the trope by having her sip from the juice box before each step in the process.
- Malvolio Portius requires a glass of Something Expensive before talking about WildStar's Chua.
- In a World of Warcraft cinematic trailer two warriors locked in a life-or-death struggle were soundly defeated by a Pandaren. A later cinematic showed the two of them getting drunk while trying to come to terms with being beaten by a "bear".
- Show of hands. Who here has felt this way after a long session of multi-player gaming when you just have one idiot team right after another?
- In The Witcher, the phrase is uttered by Shani if you are on the Neutral path during chapter 5. As a doctor, she sets up a field hospital in the middle of a battlefield between the Order and the Scoia'tael and is treating both sides indiscriminately. Scoia'tael members barge in her hospital and, after seeing that she is treating humans, try to kill them and her. After Geralt dispose of them, members of the Order enter the hospital. Shani tells them that they are late and that their help is no longer needed, only for them to start attacking her and her non-humans patients when they realize she is helping non-humans. Once again, Geralt deals with them, leaving behind a bloody mess in the middle of the hospital. At this point, a very shaken and distraught Shani says she needs a drink.
- Nodwick: After Piffany essentially out-lawyers a pair of devils, one of them proclaims,
"I do so need a three-martini lunch right now."
- Variation in Questionable Content #513:
- In The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, the titular Doctor goes out to a bar after arguing with his parents. He orders a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila and downs the entire bottle in the time it takes the bartender to turn around and get him a shot glass.
: "It disappeared! Oh my God! Jose Cuervo must have been a ninja too! HAHAHAHA!" *thud*
- Variation in "On the Origins of PCs" in The Order of the Stick; when Elan insists you have to recruit adventurers in a tavern, Roy asks "Why? I need adventurers, not a drink. ...Well, not JUST a drink."
- And played straight with the Cliffport Police Chief here.
- Aaand Durkon combines it with Brain Bleach here.
- Ken in Dork Tower responds to a badly mangled takeoff of O. Henry's Gifts of the Magi:
"If anyone needs me, I'll be seeking the Spirit of Christmas Spirits. 98 proof."
- In what is likely an homage to Airplane, at one point in Bob and George, Zero mentions "I picked the wrong week to stop snorting Energon cubes.
- This Starslip strip.
- This Concession strip.
- Out There: Miriam always needs a freaking drink. Sherry, Araceli, Rebecca, et. al. sometimes need a freaking drink. Clayton never needs one, but he'll have one anyway, thank you.
- Freefall's Winston Thurmad suspects he'll need one due to an upcoming discussion with Dvorak and Qwerty.
- In Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures :
- In one of the Erf World summer updates, Parson gets into a discussion with Jack and Maggie about the nature of time in Erfworld. At some point, he realizes that he is either too drunk, or not drunk enough to participate in the conversation. Having no way to sober up, he gambles on the latter, and downs a wineskin.
- John Kossler of The Word Weary goes from The Teetotaler to this after a particularly bad day.
- Considering the week/months in comic time that the cast of Girl Genius has been having by this point, it's amazing that Wooster is the first to invoke this trope and that it took that long.
- Roxy does this in Homestuck at the end of this conversation.
- Early in Hivebent, Eridan does this while pondering his relationship with Feferi. Simultaneously, Feferi does the same thing for the same reason.
Another emotionally exhausting conversation. Too many FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS. It couldn't be any clearer to you. You and this sea princess have splashed down hard into the moirail zone, and now you don't know which way's upward. Perhaps tonight you will reveal your true feelings toward her, and end these exaggerated emotional theatrics once and for all, one way or another.
You need a stiff drink.
- Friendship is Dragons: Three times so far:
- Twilight Sparkle in the Nightmare Moon story arc at Pinkie's surprise party:
Twilight: Well, yes, but… Why…? Ugh, I need a drink!
- The Dungeon Master in the Dragonshy story arc when a major plot hole is pointed out by the players.
- Both Applejack and Twilight Sparkle when confronted by Pinkie Sense in the Feeling Pinkie Keen story arc.
- Get Medieval: here◊
Sir Gerard: Now, I just need a bath and a drink. A long bath, and a big drink.
Eleanor: How long and how big?
Sir Gerard: Could we just fill the tub with Ale?
- In Hark A Vagrant, this is how Jane Austen reacts to Sense and Sensibility and Mister Darcy and Sharks in Space Riding Motorcycles Plus There Is a Time Machine.
- Buck Godot: Zap Gun for Hire: After being decisively Out-Gambitted by the title character and about to be shipped off in chains to an extremely annoyed Sufficiently Advanced Alien, Der Rock the Destroyer heads for the bar.
You. Get me a drink. Make it large, strong, to go and put it on Godot's tab.
- Errant Story: Jon needs lots of freaking drinks after he, Sarine and Meji get away from the Giant Magic Potato. Of course, the next Oh, Crap moment, just minutes later, leaves him Suddenly Sober. (Predictably, Sarine is stone sober throughout.)
- The Angry Video Game Nerd does this quite a lot in response to always having to play such despicable games. His favorite seems to be Rolling Rock, and he apparently believes that the only thing better than Super Mario Bros. 3 is having a leprechaun bring him beer.
- The Nostalgia Critic does this fairly often:
- In the review for Titanic: The Animated Movie, he pulls out progressively larger bottles of Jägermeister until he has one the size of himself. And when it's discovered there's another animated Titanic movie that's even worse, he shoves that off the desk and calls in one so large it has to be airlifted by three helicopters.
- He delivers the line "Booze. I must have booze," in a traumatised monotone during Baby Geniuses, while staggering shell-shocked through a convention, before fishing out a silver flask...
- Then there was Howard the Duck.
: Uh...how many more puns
are there going to be in this movie where you simply insert the word "duck" into common, everyday phrases [1,358 more]
okay, I'm just gonna have (pulls out bottle) this
on standby, I hope you don't mind.
(later) Just to check, this, ah, idiotic waif
isn't going to play any major part in this movie, is she [LOVE INTEREST]
okay, bottoms up. (takes a shot)
(slightly afterwards, he is seen chugging
it straight from the bottle.)
- In his review of Seven Pounds, Film Brain signs off with "...and I need a stiff drink."
- Bennett The Sage needed some strong stuff to get through reviewing Sonic The Hedgehog The Movie. He starts wondering why the hell it's not working before it kicks in and needs a stomach pump commercial break.
- Linkara has also done this by tossing back a bottle in a paper bag on occasion. On top of that, every Atop The Fourth Wall episode reviewing an issue of Marville opens with a drunk Linkara. Even when it's a holographic version of him! The very first review ends with this:
"I'm not gonna review issue two next week. Why? Because if I'm gonna continue with Marville I'M GONNA NEED A LOT OF ALCOHOL!"
- Spoony did this once. After seeing Breaking Dawn, part 1. For real. (For added points, he's not much of a drinker, but he does keep a small stock in case of company, so he was dancing from rum to vodka to whisky, and also nursed a can of Diet Coke.) And since he didn't want to drink alone, he had a conference call with Linkara and Jew Wario while he expounded upon the outright terribleness of the movie. For an hour and a half.
- The end of the trivia section on Transformers Wiki article for the G1 episode B.O.T.:
"Good God, I need a stiff drink."
- Played straight on the online Test Cricket radio station Test Match Sofa, frequently admits to being run on booze; so much so that a running jingle says "Won't Someone, anyone, fix me a drink""
- The Nostalgia Chick is a full-blown Lady Drunk, and went straight for the bottle after watching The Christmas Shoes.
- GM Dave of Bannable Offenses is quite the heavy drinker, mostly due to the fact that he spends 8 hours a day (plus whatever he plays at home) often dealing with the dumbest members of Final Fantasy XI in existence, and will occasionally (read, very, very often) use this phrase or a variation thereof. Unsurprisingly, his most vicious (and therefore funniest) punishments come on the rare occasion when he runs out of Jack Daniels. Lord help you if you anger him then...
- Protectors of the Plot Continuum go through Bleeproducts like water, after most missions.
- Subverted in The Batterys Down: Molly's cousin tells Dani that he's Irish which means he needs he "needs another fucking drink".
- It's not alcoholic, but the version of Kyle Rayner in DC Nation frequently "needs a sketchpad" in the aftermath of shit hitting fan.
- The Autarch of Flame says this occationally at the end of his countdowns.
- Dr. Shelton says something like this when he starts hearing a voice in his head.
- Said by a Great Soft Jelly Thing in this YouTube Poop.
- The FanFiction Critic, during her review of Legolas By Laura: "It's five o'clock somewhere, right?" *swig*
- Derek the Bard often finds himself in need of one, and often reaches for a crystal skull full of vodka.
- In Pay Me, Bug!, Grif Vindh says this over, and over, and over.
- The Cracked column "7 Celebrity Animals: Where Are They Now? (A Drunk Column)" was supposed to just be a fun self-imposed drinking game for Soren, but ends with Soren doing this when he finds out that all his favorite and not so favorite Celebrity Animals are dead.
Drink Count: Hard to say. I've been pouring out a lot of it and reevaluating some things.
- SFDebris's review of Star Trek: Generations opens with what might be a fitting metaphor for the film: A bottle of booze!
"Like the viewers' hopes, the bottle's dashed within the first few minutes."
- One does not simply walk into VOY without rum. *sound of clinking ice*
- In the re-release of "The 37's", Chuck says that whenever someone says "ancient" in Trek, he takes a drink. Not as a drinking game, but as a coping mechanism.
- Ghost often invokes this trope by name after a particularly effective set of trolls.
- When the sporker of Conjugal Felicity decided to tackle the Maradonia Saga, he decides to ignore pointing out the countless spelling and grammar errors in favor of simply taking a drink for each one. When sporking the third book, upon reading a clumsily-written part in which a character is raped, he tells his readers that "I am now drinking heavily to get that thought out of my head. I apologize if the rest of this sporking does not make any sense."
- In one of the more gentler examples from Demo Reel, Nice Guy Uncle Yo immediately asks for some Guinness on tab when a drunken depressed Donnie hits on him with the Pocky tagline.
- Zero Punctuation has Yahtzee doing this in the DayZ review.
"So I started my first game, spawned on the shores of a mysterious land, made for the nearest visible building, and was immediately beaten to death by six squawking working-class zombies in flat caps. Then I paused to have a little drinkie."
- Vegeta in Ducktalez 5, as a result of watching Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties with Scrooge in Ducktalez 4.
- ProtonJon, during the Four-Player Battletoads race with Super Jeenius, NintendoCapriSun, and Pcull, says this after one particularly hard section of Rat Race. The achievement quotes the trope name.
Jon: I'm just going to put down the controller at this point, and I'm going to drink something.
- Not Always Right has a story where the narrator asks, after finally closing the store nearly half an hour past the stated closing time, "Who's buying the first round?"
- Todd in the Shadows says "I need a stiff drink" in Suburban Knights when he finds out that Malachite's Hand is hidden in the field where they started. The rest of the team don't sound any better.
- Krimson Rogue's reaction to the Adaptation Decay of the Percy Jackson movie is to get hammered. He ends the review by puking his guts out.
- The Simpsons
- The episode "Lisa's Sax" has this from a parody of Michigan J. Frog:
- King of the Hill:
- After Hank gets into a fight with Peggy in a hotel room, he heads to the minibar, sighing and proclaiming, "I need me one of those eight-dollar beers..."
- In the "Returning Japanese" two-parter, Hank and his Japanese half-brother Junichiro are wandering around a subway station looking for Cotton, who plans on spitting in the face of the emperor. They pause, and Hank sees a neon billboard advertising beer. He says he could go for a beer that size. Junichiro without hesitation goes to the nearest vending machine and buys both of them a beer.
- During "Edu-macating Lucky" when Luanne announces she's pregnant with Lucky's child Peggy rather calmly sits down, and tell Bobby to get her "A cold towel, and a glass of bourbon."
- In Metalocalypse, an episode has the band awakening a lake troll. In the ensuing chaos, Nathan states he needs exactly one hundred beers. Cut to the Nathan and the band in a bar, asking for one hundred beers.
- The Dover Boys at Pimento University; or, The Rivals of Roquefort Hall:
: "Confound those Dover Boys! Oh, how I hate them! I hate Tom! I hate Dick! And I hate Larry! They drive me to drink
running over to the bar to pound down drinks at ludicrous speed, with the bartender taking a single drink in the middle. Blurs
back to original position)
- In the Hey Arnold! episode "Helga On The Couch," upon learning her daughter will be attending therapy, Miriam Pataki loudly announces, "I need a smoothie." If you watch enough of the show (and you're old enough) you know she really means something stronger.
- My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fan works are full of these moments, but even the show itself has a few. Despite its being TV-Y.
- In the first episode, main character Twilight Sparkle pours herself a glass of what looks like booze while Pinkie Pie talks her ear off. It's actually hot sauce, much to Twilight's dismay. The scene has become a minor meme in the fandom in conjunction with the quote from The Dover Boys seen above.
- Rarity takes a turn in "Sweet and Elite"; during an upper-crust garden party that her friends have just gatecrashed, she drains a glass of (what appears to be) punch in one shot.
- Berry Punch is usually the one to do this in all fan works, especially so after her scene where she took a taste of the punch straight from the bowl. (Lauren Faust's name for her during the development process was Pinot Noir, for the drink that helped her get through the stress of coordinating a very spread-out team.)
- Another children's cartoon example: Jake from Adventure Time, when he attends a really boring meeting disguised as Princess Bubblegum.
Ugh. (turns to a prince)
Buy a lady
- In "Another Five Short Graybles", Jake Jr. pours herself some more "juice" in response to Finn and Jake being annoying.
- "Bad Timing" has Princess Bubblegum pour herself what looks like whiskey after watching LSP cry.
- Batman: The Brave and the Bold episode "Crisis 23300 miles above the Earth!", has Martian Manhunter say he needs a cookie once Aquaman starts singing whale songs at the party the Justice League is hosting for the Justice Society. He was earlier shown eating a boxful out of nerves, and even pours the rest of another box into his mouth before joining the massive brawl breaking out between the two teams. So while it's more kid friendly, the effect is the same.
- In the comics it's explained that due to his physiology that Oreos are literally as addictive as drugs to him. So for him it is a 'drink'.
- In the American Dad! episode "Oedipal Panties", Roger has been trying to keep himself off of alcohol, only to go back to drinking when he sees Stan giving his mother a scrubbing in the bathtub.
- In the episode "1600 Candles", Stan and Francine have been altering Steve's age with a serum to avoid dealing with the same puberty-induced violent mood swings they suffered through with Hayley's puberty. After Francine accidentally turns him five in a bid to keep him 14, Stan tries to instead age him to 21, happily musing about his plan to Francine after he gives Steve the serum. When Steve appears, aged all the way to 80 years old, Fran simply groans "Oh my God" in disgusted resignation and downs both shots of whiskey that Stan had poured for him and Steve to share.
- Several air forces (US and UK come to mind) would hand their pilots a shot of whiskey after returning from a mission during World War II and other wars.
- Lost Moon, a memoir by Jim Lovell (the commander of spaceflight Apollo 13) recounted an incident from his military days, in which he had to land on a darkened aircraft carrier at night as part of a training exercise. First, his tracking beacon locked onto the wrong signal, putting him miles off course. Then, as he tried to find the carrier again, he accidentally shorted out the lights in his plane, leaving him unable to see his instruments. Ironically, this lights failure allowed Jim to see the glowing algae in the wake of the carrier, and so he found his ship, but his plane's lights were still out, meaning he was aiming at an unlit runway in the dark with only a penlight to view his instruments. His landing, as a consequence, was rougher than the norm. Upon exiting the cockpit, the ship's doctor offered him brandy, saying "Have a little medicine, on me." He downed most of it in one gulp.
- Other airforces (USSR and Japan) pass around the liquor before the mission.
- German soldiers in WW2 who were assigned to slaughter Jewish civilians by shooting them at close range, were provided with alcohol in the evenings. They partook heavily.
- Truth in Television for many many people. Reasons for falling into this trope are usually from very high stress environments including but not limited to: college homework projects, corporate/work projects, a new baby, or playing I Wanna Be the Guy.
- In general, nobody is allowed to eat or drink anything — except perhaps water — in the British House of Commons chamber. There is one exception: the Chancellor of the Exchequer is allowed to have an alcoholic beverage while delivering the Budget speech. Considering how long (George Osborne's 2010 Budget speech lasted 55 minutes, and that's short; William Gladstone's 1853 Budget ran nearly five straight hours) and important the speech tends to be — to say nothing of all-too-likely Opposition heckling — the Chancellor is well-advised to take advantage of that exception.
- Past chancellors have opted for:
- While smoking and eating may be banned, the House of Commons does offer its members free snuff, a powdered form of tobacco that is inhaled. This is due to the smoking ban being implemented in 1693 when tobacco use was far more common.
- After the historical Battle of Rorke's Drift the real Henry Hook — a teetotaler — stunned his companions by getting in line for the grog ration. "After all that," he explained, "I feel I need a little something."
- When person has low blood pressure (or other problems which has similar symptoms), one of the things that might help them temporarily is bit of alcohol. Coffee and few other things have similar results, but alcohol is also calming on their nerves. And its faster to take quick shot than sit with hot coffee.
- Pi mnemonic: "How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics." Count the letters. 3, 1, 4, 1, 5, 9...
- In 1995, orthopedic surgeon Angus Wallace had to treat a woman with tension pneumothorax—on an in-flight airplane. He first used cognac to sterilize his improvised surgical equipment (for example, a coathanger for a trocar) and, after the surgery was successful, the rest of it to calm his nerves.
- The Royal Navy abolished the rum ration in 1970, but temporarily reauthorized it in 1982 because of the Falklands War.
- A quote from a drug and alcohol counselor: "Do you know why people turn to alcohol? Because it works. People wouldn't drink if it didn't."
- You, at some point. Maybe because something you don't like is being continued, or because what you liked got a crappy continuation, among countless other scenarios.
- Bill Simmons' friend Daniel needed one when the two were watching the 2011 Red Sox blow a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the 9th against the Baltimore Orioles and minutes later watch the Tampa Bay Rays come back from a 7-0 defecit and beat the New York Yankees 8-7 in extra innings, capping off the largest September collapse in baseball history (the Red Sox had a 9-game lead for the AL Wild Card on September 3rd). The line itself comes in at 8:45 PM PDT on Simmons' live blog of the games.