Characters Literature Main YMMV
Mediochre Q Seth Series
An (incomplete) list of characters from the Mediochreverse.
The Main Party
Professor Doctor Laird Sir Mediochre Quirinius Seth, PhD MusD MSc CBE OBE MIMC VC-Bar
An enigmatic 400-year-old
with superhuman abilities to heal and calculate probability, due to a magical accident in his younger days.
Adventurer Outfit: He is rarely seen outside of his dracology clothes. Anti-Hero: Type III. Awesomeness by Analysis: He sees the world as an endless list of numbers and factors, and he can therefore calculate the probability of any given occurrence when he concentrates. Applied Phlebotinum: Chips the Intrusively Mantic Phone, whom Mediochre can use to send out or block pretty-much any electromagnetic signal he wishes to. Author Avatar: The author admits that Mediochre looks much like he did aged fifteen, and that there are some similarities in their personalities – although Mediochre is more idealistic, more badass and more heterosexual. Badass Bookworm: Emphasis on the bookworm. Badass Teacher Bat Deduction: He can sort-of do this by calculating the most probable explanation. Batman Gambit/ Xanatos Gambit: It’s hard to tell with him. Berserk Button: People who harm dragons. Beware the Nice Ones: When he’s angry, he’s a worse enemy than Joseph. Brave Scot: Curiously, he's the only one of the four central protagonists to have been in Scotland long enough to have an undiluted accent. As for the brave - his job is to research fire-breathing monsters. Byronic Hero Camp Straight Celibate Eccentric Genius: The former two are due to his being 400 years old in a 15-year-old body. The latter’s natural. Chekhov's Hobby: He’s a member of the Inner Magic Circle. You can bet that comes in useful. Cheshire Cat Grin: Frequently. Chronic Hero Syndrome Companion Cube: Chips the IMP. I Call It Vera: His phone is named Chips. Contemplate Our Navels: Well, he is an academic... Cool Teacher Crazy-Prepared Cultured Badass Cursed with Awesome: His Healing Factor and Awesomeness by Analysis both. Dark and Troubled Past: He was nearly killed by Maelstrom and subsequently made immortal by the blood of the dragon he failed to save. And that may not be worst thing he’s been through. Deadpan Snarker: Stands out, even in this universe. Defective Detective: He’s not the most emotionally stable of slayer-catchers. Eureka Moment: He does this a lot. Everything's Spoonier With Spoons: Or sporks, in his case. Exotic Detective: Cos, y’know, he’s got superpowers. Famed in Story Fascinating Eyebrow: Fairly often. Geek Physique: Stuck in a nerdy teenage body. Good Is Not Nice Great Detective: It’s basically a superpower for him. Guile Hero Healing Factor: Due to the self-replicating dragon’s blood in his system. Heroic Safe Mode: What he enters whenever he gets beaten. Hot-Blooded Immortal Immaturity: Zig-zagged. Immortality Immorality: Also zig-zagged. Impoverished Patrician: Technically a laird, but he needs to hold down several jobs to avoid having to sell his house. Incredibly Lame Pun: He likes them. Indy Ploy: His default Plan B, it would seem. The Insomniac: He doesn't seem to sleep until he has to. Fridge Horror: Considering his emotional problems, and the fact he's a war vet, he's probably trying to avoid nightmares. Insufferable Genius Interdisciplinary Sleuth: He’s a dracology professor who catches slayers. Jerk with a Heart of Gold Large Ham Lonely Piano Piece: Plays them occasionally. Magician Detective: The MIMC stands for Member of the Inner Magic Circle. Merlin Sickness: He de-aged from fifty to fifteen. Mysterious Past Nice Hat: It’s flameproof, and he seems quite attached to it. Non-Action Guy: Fights like a wimp. Not Growing Up Sucks: He does not like being stuck in mid-puberty all the time. Occult Detective: He catches dragon-slayers. Out-Gambitted: Pulling this on people is Mediochre’s purpose in life. Pop Cultured Badass: When he ran out of classic novels to read between adventures, he moved on to comic books. Also, like Joseph, he's a fan of The A-Team. The Professor Really 700 Years Old: He’s around 400. Saved by the Awesome: Why Queen MAB lets him have so much free reign. Self-Mutilation Demonstration: When he wants to scare an opponent into giving up, such as when he blows off his own finger in front of Antler’s goons. Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Every so often. Sesquipedalian Smith Shrouded in Myth: Intentionally so, it appears. Smug Super Technical Pacifist: Well... he tries... Theme Music Power-Up: He thinks better when he plays piano. Tranquil Fury: If you push him too far. Try to Fit That on a Business Card Who Wants to Live Forever? Charlotte Johnson
The viewpoint character, at least at first. An ordinary girl, recently moved to Scotland from America, who forces her way into Mediochre’s world after he almost gets her killed.
Action Girl: Not exactly, but she’s better than Mediochre at least. The Apprentice: Eventually becomes Mediochre's. Audience Surrogate: The only non-magical teenager in a series aimed at (presumably) non-magical teenagers. Deadpan Snarker: Gives Mediochre a run for his money. Fish out of Water: A mantically-unaware American in Mantically Aware Britain. Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: She’s the least morally ambiguous of the four, and she’s blonde. The Heart Jumped at the Call: And kept jumping until The Call gave up and let her come along. Ordinary High-School Student Supporting Protagonist: She gets the most pagetime and the series starts off (and largely remains) from her point of view, but it ain't called "The Good, the Bad and the Charlotte", now, is it? The Team Normal: Mediochre has a Healing Factor and Awesomeness by Analysis, Dhampinella has Super Strength and Super Speed, and Joseph is a Genius Bruiser with Improbable Aiming Skills. Charlotte mostly hangs around being sarcastic. Took a Level in Badass: Over the course of the first book. Unfazed Everyman: Or rather, Unfazed Everygirl. The Watson Professor Joseph Carrion, PhD
A cynical, gun-loving professor of
, intensely loyal to Mediochre and revealed in the
to be his godson.
Action Hero Anti-Hero: Also a Type III, but for different reasons to Mediochre. Badass: One of the biggest in the series. Let’s count the ways: Badass Bookworm: A former Teen Genius and The Professor by some point in his twenties, but he’s been able to hold his own in a fight against stronger opponents since he was eighteen. Badass Normal: Is a better fighter than most of the people with magic powers or a Healing Factor, and part of his job requires him, as a normal human being, to subdue undead monstrosities. Badass Longcoat: In black, of course. It holds some of his guns. Badass Teacher: He knows Dhampinella can handle herself, but it’s pretty clear it would be bad idea to attack any of his students. Boisterous Bruiser: Shades of this. The Champion: For Mediochre. Dark Is Not Evil: Strongly associated with guns, violence and the colour black, but he’s arguably a nicer guy than anyone else in the party. Depleted Phlebotinum Shells: His guns run the gamut. From Dress to Dressing: Seems to be used to doing this. Good Is Not Nice The Gunslinger Hollywood Nerd: He's incredibly intelligent and makes various pop-culture references (including one that implies he's read some X-Men), but he's also handsome and well-built. Hot-Blooded: Less than Mediochre, but it's there. Hot Scientist: To contrast with Mediochre. Improbable Age: He's somewhere in his twenties, but he's already a Professor. We find out in that he was a Born to Raise the Sons of Earth Child Prodigy and wrote a thesis at seventeen. Improbable Aiming Skills: They're his Charles Atlas Superpower. Interdisciplinary Sleuth: A zontanecrology professor who catches undead-slayers. Made of Iron: His other Charles Atlas Superpower. He can basically shrug off bulletwounds. Names to Run Away From Really Fast: Carrion. It's what he'll reduce you to if he has to. Occult Detective Overshadowed by Awesome: He's Mediochre's godson, Mad Lex's apprentice and his family has a history of great scientists. He's felt this way since he was a kid. Poisonous Friend: To Mediochre. Pop Cultured Badass: A fan of The A-Team and The Beatles, among others. Pragmatic Hero: In contrast to Mediochre's attempted idealism. Self Stitching: He's clearly practised. Tall, Dark and Handsome Tall, Dark and Snarky Teen Genius: Used to be one. Dhampinella
Joseph’s Dhampir apprentice.
Action Girl: Heck yes. The Apprentice Badass: Oh my, yes. Badass Longcoat: Which she only removes when she wants to really let loose with the violence. Boyish Short Hair: Dhampinella has a bob haircut, presumably so that it stays out of her way when she's fighting. The Champion: For Joseph. Cute Bruiser: A little bit. Cute Monster Girl: But only in a woobieish way. Dark and Troubled Past: Her father was not a very nice man, even by Vampire standards. Her mother left when she was very young, and her father was eventually murdered. Dark Is Not Evil Dhampir Emotionless Girl: See under The Spock. Half-Human Hybrid: Her father was a Vampire, her mother a human. Ladyella: Her name roughly means Little Dhampir Girl. Lightning Bruiser Made of Iron: All Dhampir are, it would seem. Not So Stoic: In the second book, she gets worried about her sister, and angry about Guinevere Spencer. The latter even provokes her to mildly . swear One-Man Army: Well, One Dhampir Army, technically. OOC Is Serious Business: Whenever she goes Not So Stoic. Parental Abandonment Missing Mom: Her mother left when she was very young. Disappeared Dad: Her father has a better excuse – he was murdered by a slayer. The Quiet One: Says almost nothing unless addressed directly. Relative Button: She becomes Not So Stoic whenever her sister is involved. Significant Green-Eyed Redhead: Her eyes are very green, and her hair is reddish. It adds to the ethereal feel. The Spock: Possibly. Dhampir may just show their emotions in a different way to humans. The Stoic: Again, possibly. Super Speed Super Strength Terse Talker Tranquil Fury: If she ever feels any emotion at all, it’s probably this. Uncanny Valley: Tends to invoke this in people. You Killed My Father: In backstory, this was how her first case alongside Joseph began. Desra
Mediochre’s pet mouse, which mostly lives in his jacket. Was apparently a present from Joseph.
The Mantically Aware British Government is in charge of keeping the mantically-aware side of Britain running. And hidden.
MAB Prime Minister Kathryn Queen AKA Queen MAB MAB MP James Chrome
The most senior Member of the MAB Parliament in Edinburgh, and an occasional opponent of Mediochre.
Badass Bureaucrat: Nobly steps up in the third book, when someone is needed to handle the official side of the unofficial government in the absence of a Prime Minister. Big Good: Takes this role in the third book, since Queen MAB is absent. Enemy Mine: With Mediochre in the third book. Inspector Javert: He does have a point in his trying to bring Mediochre under control, but he goes a bit far. Hanging Separately: If he were more open to trust he’d cause far fewer problems. Obstructive Bureaucrat Alexander Tanner
Queen MAB's devoted Personal Assistant.
The head of the opposition
and eventually of the MABGov. Altum Videtur: He peppers his speech liberally with Latin. Except when he's mid-breakdown. Badass Bureaucrat: Capable of this, but only in his attempts to outdo or discredit Queen MAB. Big Bad: Of the third book, technically, since he's responsible for the Stig Unit incident and the resulting prison escape. He was being manipulated by TOWIR, though. The Caligula: He is terrible at running the country, and the stress of it drives him insane. Corrupt Politician: Fervour is a bully who is only in politics for the power. The Coup Famous Last Words: He wanted his to be "Dulce et decorum est pro patrium mori" ("It is sweet and honourable to die for your country", roughly). His actual ones are... less noble. Killed Off for Real: In the third book. Meaningful Name: Fervour implies zealotry, which he seems to be guilty of. Maccabeus was also the name of a revolutionary in Jewish history... whose first name, for added points, was . Judas : Mediochre believes him to have become this by the end of the second book. Puppet King : By the end of the second book. Tyrant Takes the Helm Villainous Breakdown
The Dusk Foundation
A half-way-house-cum-youth-hostel type arrangement for the Undead and non-human residents of the city to retreat from the
judgement of humanity
for a while.
Frankenstein Igor Shelly
A Revenant who runs the Edinburgh Dusk.
A Yurei who's spirit is bound to the Edinburgh Dusk. An old friend of Rowan.
Reverend Archibald Maria "Archie" Elijah
A Vampire contact of Mediochre, who is also a Christian minister and something of a father-figure to Dhampinella.
The Organisation Which I Represent
A mysterious unnamed group manipulating events from behind the scenes for some clandestine purpose.
The tempomancer AKA Topaz
Real name unknown. A powerful and enigmatic man who functions as some sort of field agent for The Organisation Which he Represents.
Danny Boy Snapfax AKA Jade
A colleague of the tempomancer who advises Charlotte in secret and claims that the tempomancer is a rogue agent whom he is hunting down.
He’s lying, it seems. He’s actually the tempomancer’s underling. Catriona Haulier AKA Obsidian
Seemingly the tempomancer's direct superior. She takes over as the
Enigmatic Minion du jour
in Book II.
Apparently Obsidian's direct superior.
An underling of The Organisation, assigned to keeping alive
Carnelian Enigmatic Minion du jour
in the third book - although working
the tempomancer this time. Is able to influence Fervour on account of being
Mr. DeMort's PA.
The Sapphire Smuggling Syndicate
A criminal organisation smuggling magical contraband around the globe.
Sapphire AKA Dean Kiwi Mashuga
of the first book and head of the SSS
is actually Mediochre’s employer and old friend. Mr Antler
The head of the Scottish branch of the SSS, and Sapphire’s direct underling.
An old, old enemy of Mediochre’s whom the SSS hired as a dragon-slayer.
Isobel Linda Williams
An SSS mercenary sent to recover Glint from Mediochre.
Also Kiwi’s daughter
The Edinburgh Kiss
A crime mob of Vampires living underneath Edinburgh.
Revealed to be in league with the necromancer
Guinevere Spencer Broodmother
of the Edinburgh Kiss.
A lower-down member of the Kiss.
Badass Longcoat Emo Teen: Looks like one, but he's probably a lot older than that. Superhero Packing Heat: Something of a super villain packing heat, as it turns out he'd rather threaten people with a gun than with his natural Vampire powers. Charlotte thinks that counts as cheating. Millacra Karnstein
A former member of the Kiss, now mostly reformed and trying to live a quiet life in the Edniburgh Dusk.
A secret floor in the Stygian Secure Unit where the MABGov indefinitely keeps its most dangerous criminals in induced comas. Naturally, some of them escape in the third book.
The Choromancer A choromancer
(telekinetic, basically) who wants to gain a form of immortality by becoming infamous enough to enter the the cultural psyche as a Bogeyman figure.
Simultaneous Velocity Carnage
A woman with a long-standing grudge against Mediochre and a rare psychological condition where all choices she makes are completely random and unpredictable, making Mediochre's usual skills useless.
Implied to be the traceable descendant of Mediochre's original daughter. Affably Evil: She's just as likely to engage you in jocular conversation as she is to kill you. Arch-Enemy: To Mediochre. Confusion Fu Deadpan Snarker: Manages to out-snark Mediochre, in fact. Indy Ploy It's Personal: Between Carnage and Mediochre, it's always personal. Noodle Incident: We don't know much about what happened last time she and Mediochre fought, but apparently a lot of people died and Mediochre temporarily lost an arm. Springheel Jack
The English folk villain, actually a real creature and still alive after a couple of centuries.
A power-obsessed old lady psychomancer.
A philiamancer who doesn't seem quite human - although he views himself as
human than other people. No explanation is given of exactly what he is except that, by his own words, he's what people become if they give in to every urge to dance they ever get.
Bogle "Jonathan" Scruff
Valentine's brother, with many of the same skills and abnormalities. A phobiamancer.
The Pied Piper
. He's an audiomancer and a psychomancer.
Another creature much like the Pied Piper, although without any obvious mancy. He punishes children whom he perceives as guilty or sinful in some way. Nastily.
A metallimancer who uses his ability to 'talk' to metal as a "terrorist for hire".
Mediochre’s long-time friend and one-time apprentice, who was caught in the same accident he was.
Melinda’s many-times-great niece, who acts as an informer for Mediochre and befriends Charlotte.
Professor Your Almighty God Deep Ocean
A dragon with trans-species telepathy, whose eggs the SSS stole and whom Maelstrom wished to kill.
Deep Ocean’s unhatched child.
The necromancer The Heavy
, if not
, in the second book.
actually his name
. A Strigoi who serves as
and is almost certainly
Doctor Prometheus Modern, MD
A medical doctor who is an old friend of Mediochre and Joseph, skilled in improvisational field medicine.
For Science!: He's willing to have Mediochre crucified to prove his theories about dragon's blood. Mad Scientist: He seems a little... off. Goes completely off the deep end some time before the second book. Meaningful Name: A Modern Prometheus is the alternative title to . Frankenstein The Medic Noodle Incident: He's apparently had to perform some kind of improvised emergency surgery on someone in the past. Prophetic Name: He gets a nail through the neck like a Frankenstein-style bolt. Sudden Sequel Heel Syndrome Terse Talker: Not the warmest of conversationalists - although, in fairness, it is pretty clear that English is not his first language. You No Take Candle: Slips into this occasionally, when he's too distracted to focus on his English. Zac Abrahams
Leader of the Humanist Movement, a militant human organisation in favour of human supremacy.
Doctor Alexander "Mad Lex" Gunpowder, PhD
Joseph's old mentor. Turns up in person in the