Funny / Ghosts (UK)

Moments of Funny for the BBC's Ghosts. Warning: Spoilers are unmarked as per policy.

Season 1

Who Do You Think You Are?

• When Lady Button asks who the ghosts are, Thomas starts launching into a speech about their nature as ghosts. Lady Button chooses that moment to Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence, and the ethereal background music goes with her.
  Thomas: [casually] Nah, she's gone.
• The ghosts react with horror when Alison and Mike state their intent to convert their home into a hotel. Apart from Robin, who has no idea what a hotel is. Pat begins to explain it to him before the scene cuts to Robin ominously stating what they should do;

  Robin: Kill them.

• When the ghosts are listing the ways in which they can try to haunt Alison and Mike, Thomas pipes up about the 'little plague girl who could be heard singing in the pantry'. Smash cut to Jemima (who died of the plague and very much looks it) singing 'Ring-A-Ring-A-Roses' while staring balefully at the group. Even the Captain looks rather nervous, while Robin has to grab Thomas' sleeve for comfort and Thomas himself is flat out terrified.
  Jemima: People find it scary, apparently.
  Pat: [chuckling, on the edge of a freak-out] Can't think why!
• The ghosts' first attempt at a haunting.
  • Robin tries flickering the lights but Alison just flicks the switch hard enough to knock Robin out.
  • Jemima tries her Creepy Children Singing but it's drowned out by Mike's loudspeakers.
  • Mary walks through Alison - who only thinks she can smell burnt toast.
  • And finally Julian tries to shove a large vase with his finger. The scene switches back and forth between Alison alone to the ghosts cheering and yelling as Julian scrunches his face with effort. But it's all in vain as Alison simply walks past it and doesn't even notice as the vase barely moves behind her.
    Pat: Haunting's hard, isn't it?
• The ghosts in the basement providing snarky commentary on Alison and Mike's attempt at fixing the boiler.
  Mike: There we go!
  Plague Ghost: [dismissively] That's just the pilot light.
• Fanny's genuinely emotional reaction at Julian pushing Alison out the window by revealing her husband murdered her that way gets... slightly derailed:
  Fanny: 'Twas my husband, George. I caught him 'pon the groundskeeper, with the butler 'pon him!
  Kitty: Like a sandwich?
  Mary: [salaciously] A man-wich!
  Julian: It's actually known as a "Moroccan Tea Party".
  • Fanny then says that clearly her husband didn't trust her with his "sordid little secret", so he killed her, but that he was wrong, because she has kept it for all these years. Cue Thomas, Robin, Kitty and Mary all revealing that they saw the whole thing go down, so they already knew what had happened (although Kitty and Mary's previous reaction suggested that this was the first they were hearing of it). Then Julian pipes up with "I wish I'd watched it" while grinning lewdly.

Gorilla War

• When Alison is panicky and trying to describe their invisible houseguests to Mike:
  Alison: There's a cave one! And an army one! And a one with no pants on!
  Julian: [Mildly peeved] And a First from Cambridge!
  Alison: [Terrified whisper] And a First from Cambridge.
• Mike tries to reassure Alison, with mixed results:
  Mike: I know it may seem very real, but remember what they said at the hospital, yeah? "May experience visual disturbances."
  Alison: But I can hear them too.
  Mike: And my Uncle Graeme, he thought he could smell toast, but you know what? There was no toast.
  Alison: He was having a stroke! He died, Mike!
  Mike: Okay, bad example.
• The Captain and Pat squabbling over their next move.
  The Captain: She's not conversing because Mr. Sledgehammer up there has convinced her we are figments of her imagination, which is why we need a change of tactics. [...] Guerilla war.
  Robin: [shakes head] Gorilla always win.
  Pat: Why is it always about war with you?!
  The Captain: [Makes a disbelieving sound and gestures broadly at his uniform, scoffs]
  • Then Julian interjects with "Perhaps I should handle the negotiations. [Everyone looks at him askance] Well, I did, after all, resolve the Arabian Crisis. '91."
  The Captain: What, you stopped a war?
  Julian: No, I stopped a crisis. *Beat* By... starting a war, as it happens.
  • He then announces that his resolution of the crisis is his legacy, and he'll prove it. He then gets infuriated by Thomas' mocking and flounces out, attempting a Door Slam of Rage only for his hand to pass straight through the door.
  Julian: [pokes his head back through with an expression of highest dudgeon] *Beat* Imagine that slammed!
• Mary's strategy for getting Alison to leave the house? Getting uncomfortably close to her and repeating "Get out" over and over again. By the time Alison has gone to bed, she's still going.
  • This is includes, at one point, Mary doing so while poor Alison is trying to use the toilet.
• Julian, outraged at the fact the internet has him as that 'weirdo MP who died during a sex act', pesters Alison to have it amended. He claims that however he died, it was nothing compared to what his colleagues had done. All the while Alison attempts to block him out. Some of his accusations include:
  Julian: The MP for Watney got horses involved. Yeah, that's plural! Horses! It was the shire ones as well. You know, the ones with the flares?
  [several scenes later]
  Alison: [tries to read a book "Finding Sanity in the Insanity", talking to herself] I am a strong, sane woman.
  Julian: [talking angrily around her] He’d crafted it from a rubber glove and was using the gravy as lubricant!
  Alison: [still ignoring him] Challenges only make me stronger.
  Julian: And you can imagine the jokes about the "Chancellor's Red Box". And then there was this Liberal fellow, well, you can imagine what he got up to. He was caught in a sailor's sauna, and he was not there to learn about boats!
• Fanny goes into her room to see Mike has cut a substantial hole in the wall, and is outraged. Kitty attempts to make her laugh by going "down stairs" (basically doing the old trick of slowly lowering yourself down to make it look like you're going down a set of stairs). She just seems so earnest about it! Fanny takes offense, and calls her a half-wit, saying that they're not friends and have nothing in common. Kitty's response? "Fine, then I'm not letting you go in my canoe!" She then pretends to paddle a canoe away from the hole, leaving Fanny at a loss for words.
  • There's also Fanny and Mike's interaction when he first begins working.
    Mike: [singing] Daddy's going to drill a hole in the wall...
    Fanny: Daddy is not drilling any holes in any - [is drowned out by the drill]
  • And then there's a shining example of Hypocritical Humor: Fanny calls Alison an "ill-bred hen" for shrieking in her presence, only to shriek louder and at a higher pitch upon seeing a portrait of her husband/killer. What's even better is that when Fanny shrieks, she actually sounds like a hen!
• The plague ghosts in the basement attempt to tell Mike how to restart the boiler (complete with one ghost referring to him as "Daddy"), but he can't hear them and starts whacking it with a hammer. Cue their offended exclamations of things like "Technophobe!"
  Mike: [singing] Daddy's going to fix the boiler now...
  Plague Ghost: Oh no, "Daddy" - [they get drowned out by the banging]
  • It gets funnier when you realize these ghosts are also played by the same actors as the main group.
  • The cherry is Mike bringing the TV up and when Alison asks if he fixed the boiler, replying "Nah, it's in a pretty bad way - some idiot's taken a hammer to it."
• When Alison interrogates the ghosts about what exactly it is they want, Pat says that he just wanted to say hello. When Alison angrily snaps "Hello!" at him, he cheerfully responds in kind and tries to start up a conversation, as if they were just introduced at a party.
  • Julian on the other hand demands that 'Goggle' amend his entry for the next edition, stating that he is a 'respectable politician'.
    Alison: It, it doesn't work like that - it's the internet.
    Julian: Right. And where are they based?
    Alison: It's everywhere. In every house in the country, in the world.
    Julian: You mean...every person on the planet just thinks of me as the weirdo MP who died in some sex scandal?
    Alison: That was you?!
    Julian: [blusters] What? No! [laughs nervously] I don't want anything, actually. Who's next?
  • Fanny's only demands are that the portrait of her hated dead husband be removed from in front of her room, and that Mike fix the hole in her wall he made while trying to fix it. He patches the hole... with the portrait, making the late Lord Button's face stare directly into the bedroom.
  • Mary, who has been fixated on the idea of Alison being a witch due to her ability to see the dead, quickly discovers that the effectiveness of a witch hunt has shifted dramatically since her day.
    Mary: RENOUNCE SATAN! WITCH!
    Alison: Okay.
    Mary: [Deflated and sheepish] Yeah, that should... probably do it...
  • When Alison returns from the doctors, all the ghosts are crowded around the car yelling, chattering, and basically being the massive pains-in-the-arse they've been all episode... until Alison gets out, slams the car door and yells right back, making it abundantly clear that her last bit of patience with their bullshit has well and truly snapped. At which point everyone jumps back nervously and falls silent as if they're in danger from Allison hurting them.

Happy Death Day

• Fanny's disgusted reaction to being exposed to Plumber's Crack by the construction workers.
• Thomas getting annoyed over the melancholy Pat sitting in his "sighing place".
• Pat's talks about how his friend was so helpful with him and his wife, even before his death.
  Pat: Morris was actually my best mate, so it was really lovely when he married Carol. He was always such a support to her, even before I died.
  Alison: [Has figured out where this is going] Hmm.
  Pat: He was always around. He had his own set of keys. I remember, one Sunday, I came back from camp and I found all his clothes in the hallway!
  Alison: [Winces]
  Pat: - everything, his socks, his knickers, they were all strewn up the stairs! *Beat* ...Oh no.
  Alison: [grimaces sympathetically]
• Fanny's entire Birds and the Bees talk with Kitty.
  Fanny: You want to know how babies are made, Kitty? Well, the bees, you see, like men, visit the flowers. Some bees like just one type of flower, though it turns out not your flower cause your flower just isn't good enough, so there you are, on display, waiting for the big, strong bee with his big pollen sacs underneath him and he goes to a different flower and sometimes, Kitty, the bee only likes other bees, and you think, well, why have you chosen that bee and not my flower? But they don't care, you see? They just buzz around and ignore you!
  Kitty: [Smiles politely before slowly and silently walking backwards and away from Fanny]
• Just the very idea that poor, sweet, innocent Kitty thought another appropriate person to ask about the birds and the bees would be Julian.
  Julian: That's known as a "Norwegian Picnic" - you won't make any babies that way, but it sure is a lot of fun... A lot of fun, a-ha ha. A "Himalayan Campsite" is an altogether more complicated position involving four people and a rope swing. Now -
  Kitty: [looks very uncomfortable and grossed out]
• Pat is bathed in a bright light, and assumes this means he's about to move on and makes an emotional farewell... Right before discovering it's actually just a builder's light.
  Pat: You were all my family, in a way, and I loved you all - apart from Julian, who I didn't really trust.
  Julian: [looks mildly offended and put out]
  Robin: [behind Julian, shrugs his head in a "Yeah, I can understand that" sort of way]

• After spending the episode running to the pub to avoid the Ghosts from seeing him naked, Mike decided that he's no longer afraid of having them see him in the nude. As proof of this, he strips naked and dances around, crying out how he's no longer afraid - while the ghosts were on a different floor discussing something else, ignorant of his strip tease.

Free Pass

• When Thomas learns the film will be about Lord Byron, he gets ticked.
  Thomas: I will not tolerate this sordid pantomime in my house glorifying this charlatan! This cad! This... wazzock! [he looks shocked and slightly abashed after saying this]
  Kitty: [confused] What's a "wazzock"?
  Thomas: [defensively] Pat says it.
  Pat: [shrugs guiltily]
  • Thomas also claims that Alison is the woman of his dreams, and Kitty points out that every woman is the woman of his dreams.
  Thomas: I have a lot of dreams! And most of them are about women! ...apart from the one where I have the body of a crab.
  • And then he finally stomps off, sobbing that he's going to drown himself in the lake. Even better, the last shot of the episode is him standing in the lake and pouting.
• The suave, handsome Toby Nightingale falling through the floor and uttering some very undignified shrieks as Mike tries to help him.
  • Not only that but he landed in such a way that his crotch was directly in Mike's face.
  • During lunchtime, Alison spots him eating his food, that is until he realises that she's staring and then he quickly switches from normal chewing to Erotic Eating much to her confusion.
  • And a quick one - during the filming the AD calls out his name to ensure he gets into position. The AD asks for Toby a few times, before he stops then asks for Lord Byron - the character he was playing. The crewmembers in the background can be seen rolling their eyes as Toby finally acknowledges the AD.
• The Captain being absolutely smitten with the director and eventually beginning to emulate him.
• Pat trying to explain video cameras to Mary.

Moonah Ston

• Mike and Allison's neighbour comes over:
  Barclay: Barclay! Beg-Chetwynde.
  Alison: What... what's that?
  Barclay: That's me! Barclay Beg-Chetwynde, from next door.
• Robin attempts to communicate with one of Barclay's dogs, and Barclay jokingly says "Ah, must have seen a ghost!" When he notices Alison and Mike glancing at each other, he informs them of the place's history, right in front of the ghosts themselves.
  Barclay: Ah... don't you know? This place - absolutely riddled with them! So legend has it, there's a lady falls from a window in the west wing.
  Fanny: East wing.
  Barclay: Dressed in white.
  Fanny: Grey.
  Barclay: Georgian.
  Fanny: Edwardian. [rolls her eyes]
  Barclay: Attractive... early 20s.
  Fanny: [raises her eyebrows, glances around and doesn't say anything]
  Barclay: And a strange creature that roams the grounds... half man, half ape. [The ghosts turn as one to stare at Robin who turns around to stare behind himself]
• Julian realizes he's met Barclay before, calls him a "berk" and says he loves the sound of his own voice. He then starts to tell a story, but the other ghosts all leave the room (beginning with Thomas, who doesn't even bother being subtle).
  Julian: [notices their departure and follows after them] Guys? Guys! Anecdote alert! Right in the middle of one.
• Robin realizes an eclipse is drawing near, and it's time for the ritual. Only problem is he can't quite articulate it properly, leading to...
  Robin: [Sniffs the air, then stands up excitedly, making grunting noises]
  Julian: Um... Book! Film!
  Robin: [holds up his hand with all fingers extended and proceeds to gesture wildly while grunting]
  Julian: Five words... The Importance of Being Earnest! Great Expectations! Tootsie! Tootsie! Tootsie! Tootsie! Tootsie! It's Tootsie! Tootsie. It's Tootsie. Tootsie. Tootsie.
  The Captain: [sounding supremely annoyed] Stop saying Tootsie!
  Mary: What be a "Tootsie"?
• Once Pat figures out Robin actually means "eclipse", the other ghosts all groan and grumble.
  Robin: Moonah eclipse!
  The Captain: God, not this again.
  Thomas: Must we humour this bullcalf?
  Fanny: It's absolutely asinine.
  Pat: [Admonishingly] It is a wonderful group activity, and he doesn't ask for much.
  Fanny: Well, he can't ask for much.
  Robin: [offended] Hey! Me speak good!
  Thomas: Well! Me speak well! [he catches himself and grimaces] I!
  Kitty: I'm not actually free tonight, but I could do Thursday!
  Robin: [whining] No, eclipse is tonight!
  The Captain: All right, all right, all right! We'll do it, provided I can do the reading.
  Thomas: [sweeps to his feet] Not a chance, sir! Me always do the reading! [he catches himself again and looks even more frustrated] I!
• Thomas and the Captain continue to squabble over the reading throughout most of the episode (with Mary asking if there's a third option when the other ghosts are asked to vote).
  The Captain: Now, I trust everyone remembers the drill? I, of course, will be doing the reading -
  Thomas: Farcical. It should be I... Me!
• Mike is out shooting a pheasant for dinner with some help from The Captain. After shooting one the Captain had this to say:
  Captain: Ha ha! Gleaming bundook op from the civvy. We'll have him out boshing Jerry in no time!^note "Ha ha! Excellent shooting by the civilian. We'll have him out killing Germans in no time!"
  Mike: What did he say?
  Alison: No idea. And then something racist.
• The Beg-Chetwyndes arrive (with Bunny being absolutely plastered), and everything promptly goes to hell.
  Barclay: Bunny's been so looking forwards to meeting you!
  Bunny: Have I? Ooh!
  Barclay: [hands Alison a bottle of wine] Et voila, Pelaverga.^note A wine made from rare grapes.
  Kitty: Let me see it! Let me see it! Let me see!
  Alison: Thank you, that is most kind. [she holds the bottle out to Kitty and lets go with a pleasant smile, forgetting Kitty can't actually touch the bottle... resulting in a large puddle of shattered glass and spilled wine]
• Mary is drafted into helping with the cooking, resulting in the textbook definition of an Epic Fail. She lets the pheasant burn (because all she's smelled for the last 400 years has been burning), she accidentally ruins the stew (not her fault, she didn't understand what "reduce" meant), and her poker advice leads to Alison losing £40,000 (because she didn't know how to play poker).
  Mary: There's a person whose blanket is also a person, but it's upside down and be like they've had a quarrel. There's a number more than three but with a shape that's like a loaf, but it's on its side, on the end of a wrong stick.
• The entire lunar eclipse ritual. Featuring the ghosts hopping, dancing, howling and Thomas trying to recite the reading dramatically over the Captain and all the other noise... all around the table where Alison, Mike and their guests are.
• Mike shows the Bag-Chetwyndes around, and takes them into the basement, where unbeknownst to him, the Plague Ghosts are watching.
  Mike: To be honest, there's not really anything that fabulous down here.
  Nigel: [tosses his hair] Speak for yourself.
• After Alison yells at Robin for holding a lunar eclipse ritual while she's holding a dinner party, the Captain says that she should show Robin some respect.
  Robin: Yes, moonah-
  Captain: Shut up, Robin!
• Alison gets the ghosts to leave her in peace by showing them Friends on DVD.
  Thomas: She is beguiling, the Lady Rachel... Is it her hair? Perhaps it's her hair.
  Kitty: I'm Phoebe. And Lady Button's Monica. [the others agree with her] And the Captain's Ross.
  The Captain: What? No, I'm clearly Chandler. It's a dry wit, but it's there.
  Pat: I'm sorry, did we zip our lips? I think we zipped our lips.
  The Captain: Oh.
  Robin: [Looking wistfully at the moon and singing] There'll be a light in the dark...
  Pat: Robin! We're watching Friends here, mate!
  Alison: [Enters the room] Right, I need your help. [the ghosts shush her] No, no, no - this is important.
  Thomas: As is this! My empathy's hewn betwixt lovelorn Ross and Joey, the Veronan lothario.
• The fact that it's Julian of all people who ends up unintentionally saving the day by inadvertently revealing that Barclay has an illegal bank account in Fiji, which Alison uses to scare Barclay into forgiving their debt and signing over the access rights to her and Mike. Seeing him go from Smug Snake to just barely holding on is a thing of wonder.
• The Captain and Thomas both take on characteristics from Friends characters, with the Captain emulating Chandler ("Could this be any more vexing?!") and Thomas emulating Joey ("Pray tell, how are you doing?")

Getting Out

• Fanny's emotional speech about how the house should belong to Alison starts thusly:
  Fanny: When you first came here... I thought you were a prostitute. [Sudden Soundtrack Stop]
  • Fanny eventually continues to deliver a very Heartwarming speech about how Alison could use the hidden jewel she had been gifted to allow Alison and Mike to stay at Button House. Alison is touched by the gesture until she actually opened the jewel box only to find a note:
    Fanny's Husband: Sorry darling, pawned it.
    [cut to outside shot]
    Fanny: YOU THIEVING GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Season 2

The Grey Lady

• With Alison's help, Humphrey is reading a book about Charles I. When Alison turns the page...
  Humphrey: Ooh. I do not like where this is going. [looks down at severed neck]
• Alison's putting on a football video for Pat goes slightly awry:
  Pat: World Cup '86. It's quarterfinals.
  Alison: England/Argentina... Alright. [she goes to put the tape in the VCR]
  Julian: [playing "Pong" on a laptop beside them] Ah, the "Hand of God"!
  Pat: You what?
  Julian: Maradona. Scores with a handball, swings the match.
  Pat: [still with his usual cheer, but slightly strained] Well, don't tell me the score!
  Julian: [without missing a beat] 2-1 to Argentina.
  Alison: [glares at Julian and shakes her head in disgust]
  Pat: [furious and high-pitched] What's wrong with you, you absolute—! [he storms off]
  Robin: "Dickhead"!^Explanation Robin's accent turned "ticket" into something decidedly ruder.
  Alison: Robin!
  Robin: [points to his crossword] Six letter, "permit to ride".
  Alison: ...Oh, ticket!
• The archaeologist's reporting on his findings of the plague victims:
  Archaeologist: From the pelvis, I'd say female.
  Victims: [impressed] Oooohh!
  Archaeologist: Thirty to forty.
  Geoff (a male victim): Ohhh, settle down, settle down.
  Archaeologist: Bowed right femur. Probable limp.
  Victims: Oooh, we have a winner! [points to a female plague victim]
  Archaeologist: Evidence of extensive syphilis.
  Female Victim: [taken aback] No, no, not that bit.
  Archaeologist: Same as the male from yesterday.
  Female Victim 2: Geoff!
  Geoff: [feigning innocence] What?
• Mike explains to the photographer on turning the house into a place for events.
  Mike: Er, well, you know, weddings, parties, bar mitzvahs...girl mitzvahs.
  Photographer: Bat mitzvahs.
  Mike: For bats?
  Photographer: What?
• Mike keeps a bulletin board in the pantry to try and match the ghosts' names to their appearances. Some have photographs or paintings, but Thomas, Mary, and Robin have cutesy little drawings.
  • Mary's picture is labelled "Mary (Toast)". While it's probably just a shorthand to indicate she causes a burning smell, the fact that a picture of a woman burned at the stake is labelled "Toast" is darkly, darkly humourous.
• The Hypocritical Humor of Julian calling people morons for believing in ghosts, despite being one himself.
• Julian wants his own smart phone in return for helping out Alison create a haunted house. Alison accuses him of blackmailing her, and he tries to explain that he's not, until...
  Julian: [bombastically] With respect, I think the real issue here is - is - Ah... Oh. *Beat* [In his normal tone] Hang on, I'm not on Newsnight, now am I? Yeaaaaah, it's blackmail.
• One of the ways Mike and Alison try to make the haunting a bit more intense is by setting up a coffee mug on top of a cabinet, then have Mike move it with a magnet while hiding inside said cabinet. Only problem is, Julian decides to also move said mug, by pushing it in the opposite direction. Julian ends up beating the magnet only for the built up force of the mug to suddenly make it rocket off the cabinet and shatter against the wall as everyone (both living and otherwise) gapes in surprise.
• Pat and Thomas decide to help by creating some EVP^note Electric Voice Phenomenon, with Pat sitting down and attempting to do it in the style of a radio show, while Thomas makes the most ridiculous faces in the background. However, Thomas is soon persuaded to join in, when Pat invites him to do a "commercial break".
  Thomas: [struggling and unsure] Buy... Louise's Pleasing Cheeses. [he becomes suddenly more confident and his voice gets richer and more mellifluous] Made from only the freshest Jersey milk, lovingly thumbed from all our Friesian herd...
  Pat: [stares in surprise and swallows hard, his eyes going wide]
• The episode has a blast with the double meaning of Fanny's name (in the U.K. it's also slang for female genitalia) culminating in Pat's horrified realisation that "Fanny's exposed!!!"
  • In fact, just the general double meaning of Fanny's name, Fanny meaning a certain type of genitals, and therefore "Lady Fanny Button" reads as "Lady Clitoris". Of course, the name is all the funnier with such a reserved and repressed ghost.

About Last Night

• During the party Alison misplaces Dante, a taxidermized dog who once belonged to Fanny. Horrified, Alison asks for the other ghosts to help her find him while also keep Fanny in the dark. The Captain takes umbrage at this, finding the idea of deceiving Fanny appalling.
  The Captain: I will not allow Fanny to be deceived like this, to be -
  Alison: No more war documentaries, then.
  The Captain: - your secret's safe with me. It's classified. She'd have to kill me first. Well, you know what I mean.
• Mike gets stuck on the roof in his dressing gown, and since he's lost his voice, can't call Alison for help.
• The plague ghosts try to move into the main house to get away from Mick, who they found out was the one who killed them all by bringing plague into their village. Julian tries to help them make up, and succeeds – by making them hate him more than Mick.
  Plague Woman: I'd rather live with Mick, and he killed my whole family.
• Julian gets sniffy about inquiries.
  Julian: I'll have you know I have a lot of experience with public inquiries! ...Nice to be the one asking the questions for a change...
• When Alison first sees Thomas after she wakes up, he's happy about something she supposedly told him the night before. Alison (who still doesn't remember much about what happened) thinks it's because she told him he's part of the family, so reaffirms that she meant it, which makes Thomas even happier. But then later she finally remembers the words she said that Thomas was actually referring to: that if they were the same age, he wasn't dead and she wasn't with Mike, there would've been a chance of a romantic relationship between them. Cue Alison's horrified expression before she hurriedly tells him that she was "very drunk" and didn't actually mean it.
  • Thomas' reaction to drunk Alison's words. He clasps his hands over his chest with an awestruck expression on his face and floats dreamily backwards through the wall.
• The sight of the ghosts (except the Captain and Fanny) having fun and dancing at the party, up to and including the Captain attempting to get them to shut it down and Pat's reaction^note it's also a callback to Thomas using the word "wazzock" in "Free Pass" and mentioning having learned it from Pat.
  The Captain: [stalking up to Pat, who is happily dancing] Patrick! Patrick! What on God's green earth are you playing at, man?! I sent you down here to stop this nonsense, and now you're joining in?! Carousing?! You are a spineless little traitor!
  Pat: [furious and very high-pitched] Oh naff off, you wazzock!
  [...]
  The Captain: [storming up the stairs] He's the wazzock!
• The episode climaxes with the wedding planner turning up — then in rapid succession the rubbish Alison was hiding spills out of a nearby closet, Mike falls off the roof along with the drainpipe he was clutching, while he's fine he ends up covered in pigeon shit, Dante the stuffed dog catches alight, and Alison's hangover nausea finally catches up to her and she pukes right as the episode cuts to the credits.

Redding Weddy

• Fanny starts reading saucy romance novels, and as a result, becomes sexually attracted to Mike. She spends the entire episode becoming increasingly distracted at Mike doing variously mundane things. It gets so bad, she decides to confess to Alison out of shame. However, before she can, she sees Mike eating some nachos rather ungracefully, causing the attraction to die.
• Julian and Thomas almost come to blows over movie night. Julian looks like he's doing a good modern boxing stance, and the stance that Thomas tries is a little more old-fashioned.
• Julian and Thomas decide to settle the matter of who gets to choose what to watch on film night by playing rock-paper-scissors. Rather than any of the traditional options, Thomas chooses pistol. Julian decides to "play it his way" and chooses AK-47 assault rifle. And hand grenade. And flamethrower.
• Julian and Thomas playing volleyball with Humphrey's head. Humphrey is just happy to be included for once. Bonus points to Pat averting his eyes during some of Julian's more risque volleys (like spiking Humphrey's head between his legs).
• This bit of dialogue, heard off-camera when Mary is looking for a place to hide:
  Mike: That was my favourite toe!
  Alison: You have a favourite toe?
  Mike: Don't you have a favourite toe?
  Alison: I've not really thought about it, Mike.
• The Captain throws himself on top of the bomb before it explodes... and only afterwards realizes that it was a futile gesture, being a ghost and all. Before this happens, he convinces Alison not to dig in a certain spot in the garden because she could uncover something "potentially explosive". She assumes it's some kind of scandalous secret, and doesn't realize it's an actual bomb until Mike lights a fire on top of it.
• Alison shows the Ghosts a documentary about the 1969 Moon Landing. When it ends, everyone except Robin leaves to watch Julian and Thomas fight. As soon as they vacate the room, the video autoplays to a conspiracy video on how the moon landing was faked. Robin is then exposed to various conspiracy theories ranging from the JFK Assassination, Elvis Presley being alive and finally, that the British Monarchy had been replaced by weasels.
  • When Alison first tells the ghosts about the moon landing, the older ghosts are understandably skeptical. Thomas, of all people, looks at her condescendingly and tells her she's "dicked in the nob" ^note An old-fashioned way of saying "touched in the head" that sounds extremely inappropriate today .

The Thomas Thorne Affair

• When the ghosts are telling what they would wear if they could change out of the clothes they died in. Kitty would want to dress just like Allison, Robin would want a fully-functioning spacesuit of all things, and Julian wants trousers. No specific kind of trousers, mind, just a pair.
  Julian: You never miss them til they're gone.
  • Thomas - broody Regency dandy Thomas - says he'd wear double-denim and aviator shades. When Pat brings this up, Thomas is lounging in a chair with a look that says "So what?"
• Thomas is trying to tell his backstory, but keeps getting interrupted. First by Alison rummaging in her drawer, then by Robin, then by Kitty and Mary, and then by Humphrey... whose head has been in the room the whole time.
  Thomas: Good God, how long have you been there?!
  • Then the rest of the ghosts show up.
  Thomas: No! Come one, come all! The more the merrier! We're only talking about my death!
• Robin's version of Thomas's backstory has everyone speaking in the same broken English as him, all while keeping their proper Regency accents. Special mention goes to Robin's rendition of Thomas's poem.
  Thomas: Something 'bout flowers, or wine or girls, or something.
• Mary has a rather... unique recollection of the events of Thomas's backstory, imagining things like people literally floating in the air and the proper Regency gentlemen and ladies dancing like medieval peasants at a pub would.
• When Thomas is lead to believe that someone has insulted his lady love, he immediately blusters up to them and tears them a new one, including the immortal line:
  Thomas: Damn your eyes, I say! Damn your head, shoulders, knees and toes, sir!
• Mary tells Alison about Annie, another ghost who haunted the building for about 100 years and then 'moved on'. Only she doesn't use that phrase; she uses 'sucked off' (to be fair, that does pretty much describe ascending to whatever comes next). Then she uses it several more times, while Alison grows ever more uncomfortable and finally says 'Moving on' to get the story back on track.
• The Captain hijacking the story and picturing Thomas's duel as an epic battle that involved Bullet Time, automatic dual wielding muskets and complete with anachronistic hand grenade.
  Fanny: Do you mind?! Kitty was telling the story!
  Kitty: You weren't even there!
  Captain: ...well. S'what I would have done.
• Also, Thomas' foe bewildered reaction after he has done his ten paces only to find Thomas still counting and had his back turned towards the man. His foe could only mouth "What?" to the judge before shrugging and shooting Thomas dead.
• After being shot, Thomas dropped his pistol which went off and hit a bird. Still dazed by the shooting, Thomas mutters, "Sorry," as it falls from the tree at the side of the lawn.
• Upon learning that Thomas's cousin was Francis Button, Fanny's husband's great-grandfather, Alison realises that she and Thomas are related. Thomas is excited... then realizes what that means, backtracks and tells her that they're only distantly related. ^note And not even by blood, in fact, since the last owner of Button House was Alison's step great-aunt, but Rule of Funny...
  Thomas: Our children will be fine.
  • The fact that he's under the delusion that he can father children with anyone (being a ghost and all) is funny in itself.
  • Pat tries to decrease the awkwardness by pointing out that everyone's related to each other at some level.
  Robin: Yeah, you all come from me! And my sister.
  Everyone else: [variations of confusion and disgust]
  Robin: Heh-heh, joking!
  Everyone else: [murmurs of relief]
  Robin: [hidden Oh, Crap! expression]
• Mike gets increasingly nervous when he learns more about Alison's ex-boyfriend, Kevin, who she dumped to go out with Mike. He finds out that Kevin is a boxer, has gone to prison and likes guns. When he's adamant about not going to the reunion out of fear that Kevin will kill him, Alison sheepishly admits that there's nothing to worry about... because Kevin dumped her.
• The very last shot of the episode is Thomas removing the letter from his vest and putting it on the table, where it vanishes... only to reappear in his pocket. After about the fifth time, he bellows "FUUUUUU-" before the episode cuts to the credits.

Bump in the Night

• Alison leaves Mike alone at night for once, which makes him nervous. As he tucks in bed he gazes nervously around his room.
  Mike: Right. I know you can hear me...
  [cut to Kitty singing her version of Amazing Grace to a wincing audience in another room]
  Kitty: [very high pitched] Ah-may-zing KITTY, so—
  [back to Mike in his room]
  Mike: Now, I'm going to stay in here, okay? And you stay...anywhere else.
  [cut the Ghosts]
  Kitty: LI-IKE KITTYYYY!
  [back to Mike in his room]
  Mike: I don't want any trouble. I just want to watch my show, and eat my trifle and go to sleep...[to himself] Not that I will sleep. Haunted house. On my own. In the middle of now-
  [cut to Mike asleep and snoring]
• Upon seeing the two burglars in the house, Julian claims to know what it is: Insurance Fraud. At the same time, the Captain says it's a burglar.
  Julian: Oh. Yes. I suppose it might actually be a burglary.
• Nev, one of the burglars, is not exactly the brightest bulb in the box:
  • He wears his mask incorrectly, exposing his entire face even before he finds out the house has no cameras or security measures.
  • After spotting a phone off the hook he insists the house is haunted, claiming the ghosts did it - before noting that it could actually be him who bumped into it.
  • When ordered to cut off the phone line, he can't figure out which one it is and plays eenie-meenie-miney-moe with the power box, and then uses a pair of scissors to try and cut it. Needless to say he's blasted across the grounds and blows the power off for the entire building. Amazingly, he survives to actually cut the phone line.
  • When asked to pick up a candlestick holder, he goes for the actual candle, surmising that it's also shaped like a stick.
• The ghosts try to call the police, and only after dialing realize that the person on the other side can't actually hear them.
  Robin: We not think this through.
• Fanny's increasing indignation as she follows the burglars through the house—not because they're stealing things, but because they're doing it wrong.
• The Ghosts attempts to wake Mike up. After Julian failed to rouse him by prodding Mike's nose, Thomas suggests the following:
  Thomas: You could try prodding his...[gestures to Mike's groin]
  Julian: No!
• The Ghosts then attempt to recruit Jemima (the plague girl) to speak to the police... but she keeps repeating "Ring a Ring a Roses." So then they try to feed her the right words to the tune of "Ring a Ring a Roses," but only succeed just as the telephone line is cut.
• When trying to communicate with Mike, the ghosts decide to try Morse Code... by tapping the eyelids of an old baby doll. Mike understandably freaks out and runs to hide in the wardrobe.
  Captain: Probably not the best choice.
  • While Mike calls Alison to tell her that the ghosts have gone 'rogue', she asks if he can open the wardrobe door so she can speak to them:
    Mike: [whispering] What makes you think I'm in the wardrobe?
    Alison: Are you?
    Mike: [beat] Yes.
  • After finding out that they are burglars in the house, Mike attempts to communicate with the ghosts for more information:
    Mike: Right, if you can hear me, knock three times.
    Julian: [scoffs] Why three times?
    [Julian struggles and succeeds to knock the table three times]
    Mike: Right, okay. Where are the burglars now?
    Julian: Well, how the hell am I supposed to answer that?
    Mike: No, that doesn't... Um...
    Thomas: What does she see in him?
    Mike: [...] How many burglars are there?
    Julian: Ah, yes, can do that.
    Mike: And where are they?
    Ghosts: [groans in frustration]
    The Captain: Oh, this is futile!
  • Eventually Pat comes up with the idea to turn on the tap and fog up the mirror as a way to communicate. When Mike asks how many burglars are in the house, Julian writes "2"... and then seemingly follows up with a "0". Thinking there're twenty burglars in the house, Mike flees, leaving the ghosts to just stare at Julian with big WTF?? looks on their faces.
    Pat: What are you doing?! There's not twenty!
    Julian: No, I was writing 2 of them!
    Pat: Just write 2!
    Julian: ...well, you know, hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
    Robin: Moron!
• Alison's rush to get home leads her to the desk of a very unhelpful car rental clerk. She walks away from his window, defeated...only to return, reach into his office, and pettily shove a stack of papers over without a word.
• Mike, thinking that there are 20 burglars in the House, tries to intimidate the burglars by donning a full suit of armor (sorry, British, armour), but when he tries threatening them, he falls backwards and they just turn and leave.

Perfect Day

• When Robin talks about his free love past where there was no concept of marriage and everyone raised the children together without caring who the father was, Julian, Fanny and Pat show varying levels of disapproval. Robin bluntly responds that Pat's wife cheated on him, Julian cheated on his wife, and Fanny's husband cheated on her with two men and then killed her. Not exactly a stellar case for monogamy.
• The cheerful, upbeat party planner gives Alison an update on everyone who can't make it to the wedding... including himself. The camera pans back to show his car upside down on the side of the road in the aftermath of a car accident, with a paramedic holding the phone to his ear. He reckons that he's still fairly chipper because the shock hasn't worn off yet.
  • Also, a bit of Foreshadowing happens when some of the wedding guests call and cancel due to "an accident on the M4.
• Alison assures one of the brides that it's completely natural to get cold feet.
  Robin: Yeah, it's snowing.
  Captain: It's a metaphor, Robin!
  Robin: ...You're a metaphor.
• In the middle of Headless Humphrey telling Fanny about his unhappy arranged marriage, he sadly says that he and his wife didn't really understand each other...then adds that wasn't just a turn of phrase: "She was French, so..."
• During the ceremony, Thomas looks at Fanny and says "You've changed your tune."
  Fanny: Well, times change, don't they? We should know. [the other ghosts smile and nod] After all, if George had been free to love as he chose, well, I wouldn't have been murdered. And I could instead have had a husband who wanted to know me. And when I say know...
  Humphrey: [standing behind her, his eyes go hugely wide in an Oh, Crap! expression]
  Fanny: ...I mean he would give me a really good - [she begins lasciviously pumping her arms]
  [All the other ghosts - even Julian - make frantic motions and noises for her to stop]
• When Pat sees the dinner guest who he somehow recognizes start to take a drink from the alcohol table, he tries to swing at him, but hits Thomas, who immediately tries to defend himself. What happens after is each of the ghosts around them starts fighting from all the pent-up feelings that have happened all series. Finally, Kitty checks the guest list and sees why that guest is so recognizable to Pat. It's the grown-up boy who shot the arrow through Pat's neck so long ago. When she announces the name, all the other ghosts stop fighting in shock — and Julian, who naturally didn't witness the accident, asks "Who?" in confusion, while trying to stick his fingers in Headless Humphrey's body's neck hole (for lack of any eyes).
• After assuming the wedding would be cancelled because of the heavy snow, the vicar officiating the ceremony isn't thrilled when Mike arrives at his cottage and tells him the wedding is now taking place at Button House. When the vicar explains that a leg injury prevents him from walking down the hill to reach Button House, Mike proudly produces a sled. We're then treated to a shot of Mike and the vicar sledding at full speed down the hill with the vicar cheering like a little boy. The kicker comes when the two finally arrive back at the house:
  Alison: That took a while.
  Mike: Yeah, he wanted to do the hill twice.

Christmas Special

• The episode starts with a flashback of Julian in parliament, insisting that family is the most important thing. Cut to him at a Christmas party, not wanting to speak to his wife on the phone, who he refers to as "this woman from my wedding". He also later refers to his daughter as an "it".
• Before Alison enters the kitchen, she "warns" Mike that what she's wearing is "very sexy". Cue Thomas immediately hurrying into the room to see... Alison walking in wearing a woolly Christmas jumper.
• Mike thinks the ghosts are in the kitchen watching him cooking because they're "admiring the master at work". Fanny immediately complains that he's burnt the custard. Twice.
• Alison hears Julian exclaim, "Bah! Humbug!"
  Alison: Not a fan of Christmas, Julian?
  Julian: No, no. I'm just saying there's a jar of humbugs here. (points at jar)
• Robin insisting that Christmas is just a fad; probably because of the fact that it's only been going on for about one and a half thousand years, after many more millennia of Winter Solstice and other winter festivals before it, Christmas being just the most recent variant of a thing that he has existed through several versions.
• Mike's indignation at his parents bringing along a bunch of food, even though he specifically asked them not to.
  Mike: [as his dad retrieves an armful of packages from the car] Mum, what's dad doing?! I told him not to bring anything!
  Betty: Oh, it's just a few side dishes, sweetie. [she smacks him lightly on the chest and heads inside]
  Mike: Beef?! I've got beef - beef isn't a side!
  Errol: When it's a side of beef, it is... [he chuckles and heads after Betty, while Mike mockingly chuckles and rolls his eyes]
• Alison sets up Angela and her baby in Julian's room, much to Julian's horror.
  Julian: [staring lasciviously at Angela] Hello - nobody told me I was hosting... [the baby wails and he jumps upright in full panic] Ahhh! Baby!
  • Julian tries to make the baby stop crying by waving Humphrey's head above the crib and then spinning it around like a mobile while Humphrey hums a lullaby.
  • He then attempts to get Mary to help. She thinks the baby just needs milk... and starts to undo her dress. Cue Julian frantically begging her not to.
  • He eventually gives up and leaves the room... to go and sleep in the fridge.
  Julian: I am literally in the fridge! How can I still hear it?!
• The entirety of Julian's breakdown in the forest where he's haunted by his past behaviour, especially when his hallucinations of his past self transform into multiple versions of his head bawling like a baby, complete with a Skyward Scream Big "NO!". Simon Farnaby's expression is on point and absolutely hilarious.
• Mike's mother hangs up some mistletoe, and Thomas misunderstands a smile from Alison leading him to believe that the two of them will kiss under it at some point on Christmas day. He constantly waits under it, keeps missing her whenever she walks by, and when he finally thinks it's going to happen... Mike's parents kiss under it, directly in front of him. His horrified expression says it all.
• Seeing a fire being lit still excites Robin, even thousands of years after its discovery.
• Mike tells his dad to "Sit" and "Stay", but he says it with such authority that Robin instinctively also obeys.
  Robin: Me good boy.
• After Fanny persuades Alison to persuade Mike to get a proper Christmas tree, the man mumbles to himself as he walks outside, while Fanny, the Captain, Pat and Kitty walk beside him unseen. Fanny mentions that she had at least 50 saplings planted during her time and believes they should have matured into Christmas trees. Then Mike stops and finds a HUGE tree, taller than Button House itself looming over them.
  Fanny: Huh.
  Mike: You have got to be kidding me.
  Fanny: Well, it has been quite some time.
  [As Mike prepares to cut it down, the Captain drops the following advice.]
  The Captain: Now, Michael, with a shaft of this girth, the trick is firm blows.
  • The ghosts being freaked out by a chainsaw; Kitty thinks it's a dragon, the Captain insists that they all hide behind Mike... Then we see it's just Mike's dad chopping down a tree with it. Because he brought the chain saw with him in the car. For some reason.
• Kitty continually poking her head through the wall to ask Alison "Is it Christmas yet?"
• Mike is annoyed that his parents still treat him like he's nine years old... but then gets excited at the thought of his mum leaving a pillow case in his room full of presents. Which consists of pants and deodarant.
  Alison: That's where you get your horrible pants.
• The ghosts' game of twister ends up dissolving into a serious match between Thomas and the Captain, where they won't let Kitty and Mary join in. By the time Alison comes in, Thomas and the Captain are locked in a rather suggestive pose where Thomas' face is placed directly in front of the Captain's crotch.
• Mike's family gets him an embarrassing reindeer onesie, which he ends up wearing for the remainder of the episode.
  Robin: He look like dumb animal! [he pauses as he realizes that he's dressed in a similar - albeit time-shifted - fashion and his expression falls]
• Julian finally soothes the crying baby... By making "politician gestures" like the Newsnight Thumb.
  Julian: (waggles one thumb) Hello, my name's Thumby. (Waggles other thumb) And my name's... Bummy? And this is the story of the politician who cared too much.
• The Captain's reaction to the Queen's televised Christmas speech.
  The Captain: Good lord! No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! No, it's like I'm in her actual drawing room!
  Alison: I thought this is what you wanted?
  The Captain: Well, yes. But no! I mean, this is unseemly! I can see her posy! [Alison sighs and leaves the room] No, no, no, this is very inappropriate, Alison! An officer and a gentleman should not be privy to the colour and thickness of the Queen's curtains! [covers his face] I can't look! [takes another peek before turning away, horrified].
• Julian tries to google up his daughter's name and is a bit nervous to what he may find:
  Julian: I'm not sure about this, Pat. What if my daughter is so traumatized by my death and she became something dreadful like a, like a drug addict or an alternative comedienne?
  Pat: It's better to know mate. Trust me.
  Julian: Okay. [squeezes his eyes shut and clicks on the laptop and the search turns up that his daughter is an MP]
  Julian: [elated] Oh! OH! She became an MP! Pat look! She followed in her old man's footsteps! She looks like she means business! [laughs]
  Pat: What's the Green Party? ^note A left leaning political party in direct opposition to Julian's right wing conservative party.
  Julian: Huh? Ugh...[beat] Ah, well. Nobody's perfect.

Season 3

The Bone Plot

• When Zara, the documentary presenter, begins to introduce her subject as "the most important person to ever walk these grounds", Thomas immediately assumes she's talking about him.
• Upon realising that the documentary is about Humphrey, all of the ghosts dramatically turn to him... only to see that it's just his body and his head is missing. Cue Thomas, Fanny and Robin looking down and frantically searching the floor for him.
• This:
  Zara: You can almost hear the history echo from the walls.
  Alison: Yeah, it's almost like they don't (cut to the ghosts following her, talking loudly) SHUT UP.
• Robin starts ranting about sensing bad omens, proclaiming that something wicked is coming. Cue Barclay entering the house.
  Robin: Oh, that explains it.
• Humphrey states that the circumstances of his death are complicated while dramatic music starts to play. Only to screech to a halt when he doesn't say anything more, cutting to the other ghosts waiting impatiently. After a long pause...
  Humphrey: ...I can tell you about it, if you like?
• Julian calling Barclay sleazy and self-serving. "Can you believe I used to associate myself with that type?" The best part is Alison, who's about to walk out the door behind him, pokes her head back in to give him a disbelieving look.
• The truth behind Humphrey's death: he managed to drag a bit of furniture in front of the door, then hurried away to find a weapon. After trying to yank off the swords displayed above the fire place, he gives up and hides up the chimney, instead. The guards break in, don't find him and leave, bickering. Humphrey comes out, sticks his head out of the chimney, proclaims his love for the house while knocking on the wall... causing the swords to fall down and behead him. The guards come back in having heard the commotion, and upon finding Humphrey's corpse, they decide to take credit for the beheading. The whole thing is the complete opposite of the dramatic re-telling in the documentary being made. Then Robin finds Humphrey's severed head and asks, "Bad day?" Humphrey promptly screams.
• Mike gets Obi to make him a branded jumper for Alison to wear on camera. But from how the words "Button House" are positioned, when Alison holds her arms down it looks like it says "Butt Ho" instead.
  • The older ghosts don't get the joke, leading to a hilarious bit of Innocently Insensitive.
  Fanny: What is a "butt ho"? Are you the butt ho?

A Lot To Take In

• Thomas switching between having feelings for Alison and Lucy on the fly, like his heart is playing table tennis.
• When he first dies, Julian very confused at how he can wave his hand and walk through a chair, but can sit on it perfectly fine. Thomas cheerfully admits that it doesn't make much sense.
  • Robin gleefully counting all of Julian's attempts to leave the Button House property, and his utter joy when that number reaches one hundred.
  • Julian finally starts to come to terms with being dead and getting to know the other ghosts — and then one of the first people to introduce herself is 'Fanny Button'. Julian thinks she's insulting him.
• Fanny reveals that she planned to go on a luxury cruise but had her identity stolen, the thief going in her place. The ship? Titanic. Bullet dodged.

The Woodworm Men

• Mary waking up one morning and absolutely freaking out at the woodworm men in the house. She spends the rest of the episode trying to get them to leave, even revisiting her "get out, get out, get out" method she tried with Alison all the way back in series 1.
• Whenever Mike talks to the ghosts, he always looks up.
  Thomas: Why does he always talk to us as if we're up in the air?
• Fanny looks forwards to the peace and quiet, but quickly gets bored without anyone around to nag or boss about.
• During the campfire, Pat tells the other ghosts a ghost story so scary, Robin and Julian flee into the night screaming. The next morning they are found in one of the alcove spaces.
• Thomas comes up with a genuinely poetic line ("No fault of the sun if the eye sees not its beauty.") and Alison encourages him to keep going. Cue him launching into his typical bad poetry instead.

I Love Lucy

• When Thomas goes back to admiring Lucy, Alison actually tries to get his attention back on her by putting on some lipstick... only to quickly remember how annoying he is when his attentions do return to her.
• Julian's taken to messing with Mike's work emails to get his kicks, changing "annual" to "anal" and the like.
  • After Julian makes Mike send a flirty email to his boss, he actually does a giddy victory dance as Mike tries to swing at him without any success.
  • Later, after Mike's manager said she feels the same way, he tries to tell her it's not what it looks like. Cue Julian putting on sultry music and Robin dimming the lights.
• The ghosts discover that Fanny is having an affair and immediately wonder who the partner is. The Captain initially brushes it off, stating he "knows Fanny better than anyone."
  • Robin realizes they have to know who it is, since it has to be a ghost.
  Robin: Ghost can only [mimes messily making out with someone] with other ghost. So whoever she [same makeout gestures and sounds] must be someone in this room!
  Kitty: Or the Captain!
  Robin:...Someone in this room.
  • Mary finally figures out Fanny's having the affair... with Humphrey's body. Humphrey doesn't know what to make of it. Then, when Humphrey reconnects with his body and Fanny rejects him, his body punches his head off in anger.
• The Captain thinks "pillow talk" means actually talking to his pillow. Which, as we see at the end of the episode, he actually does.

Something To Share?

• Thomas claims to have abandonment issues because his mother briefly left him in the nursery for what was probably all of five minutes.
• After Mary has shared her terrifying nightmare, the others sit in horrified silence.
  Alison: Yeah, sorry Mary, don't think I can help with that one.
  Mary: All right, never mind.
  Robin: Can we play with balloon now?
• The Captain proclaiming that there's nothing of interest for him in art class... while behind him a man takes off his robe so he can be painted naked.

Part Of The Family

• Alison goes out for a walk with Lucy and they end up having a serious talk... while the ghost of a Roundhead follows them, trying to get Alison's attention.
• Pat performing the thumb trick for Robin. And every time it looks like he's removing his thumb, Robin screams in terror.

Season 4

Happy Holiday

• The ghosts are watching the news when a story comes on about how scientists have found the body of a caveman, and they're able to recreate his face with 3D modelling to see what he would have looked like. Cue Robin exclaiming, "I know that guy!"
  • Robin spends most of the episode trying to convince everyone that he really did know the guy, including details such as his name being "Hat" (which the other ghosts think it made up) and that he traded the other man's furs for a useless tool, calling him "naïve". When they watch the full program, it's revealed that the man died of hypothermia due to not having any furs to keep him warm. A guilty-looking Robin then backpedals and denies he knew the guy.

Speak as ye choose

• After hearing about Mary's witch trial:
  Pat: Given the nature of what we've just heard, I think it only right that we cancel [the next activity]-
  Robin: (nonchalant) Cool.
  (walks away)
• Mike describes "business-y people" as "adults who say business-y words and drive nice cars".
• Julian affirms that times have changed and that men "listen to women" now. He then spends the episode barely listening to Mary's story and interrupting Fanny whenever she tries to speak.
• Alison telling Robin how she often forgets how cultured he is only to immediately be interrupted by him running off to chase a squirrel.
• Mike meets up with some old college friends who want to help him make money, but he and Alison realize that the friends are trying to get them involved in a cult. Alison's tactic? She starts talking to and acknowledging the ghosts right in front of them, making herself look crazy and effectively scaring them away.

The Hardest Word

• The Captain gets the rest of the ghosts to stop arguing by yelling "bang!"
  Fanny: What are you doing?
  The Captain: I was firing my pistol into the air.
  Thomas: You don't have a pistol!
  The Captain: We didn't win the war with attitudes like that, did we?
  • It becomes a Running Joke, with the Captain breaking up another argument by comically imitating a machinegun.
  The Captain: I did not for one moment want to bring out the Bren Mark 1 light machinegun in such an enclosed space, but you forced my hand!
  Thomas: (whispers) Is he having a breakdown?
  Robin: (whispers) Very hard to tell.
  • The next time they start arguing, Julian is the one who breaks it up.
  The Captain: Thank goodness. I don't think I had a grenade launcher in me.
• The Captain goes to offer Alison apologies on behalf of everyone. The whole exchange lasts only seconds and Alison doesn't even open her eyes or turn her head to acknowledge him.
  The Captain: Apologies!
  Alison: Not accepted.
  The Captain: Understood! (walks away)
  • And when he gets back to the others:
  The Captain: Can't be reasoned with. Nothing to be done. We shall just have to avoid her until she dies. Probably longer.
• Alison and Mike try to spend the day relaxing and it turns into a comedy of errors, starting when Alison wants to have a lie down.
  Mike: You can't go lying down! We've got relaxing to do!
  • Later, when Alison and Mike are preparing for a relaxing bath, Mike realizes they forgot the wine. So, he runs down to get some... while naked. It's hard to tell what's funnier, the fact that he completely forgot about the ghosts (and that while he can't see them, they can very much see him) or the fact that the ghosts go completely silent without comment when he runs past them both times.
• While the ghosts are trying to sing:
  Fanny: One is reminded of Battersea Dogs Home.
  Humphrey: Really? Was there are fire?
  • Then:
  Pat: It'll be a cold heart not to be won over by the sound of it.
  Fanny: Well, it did nothing for me.
• Alison and Mike end up watching A Quiet Place not knowing what it's about and thinking it's a nice relaxing movie. Ninety minutes later...
  Alison: That was the most traumatic thing I've seen today.
  Pat: (hurrying in with the other ghosts) Alison! We've written you a song!
  Alison: ...I may have spoken too soon.
• The apology song. All of it.
  • In the middle of it, Thomas improvises a rap. Much to the confusion of the other ghosts. And Alison's horror.
  • Mike, who can't see the ghosts, has absolutely no idea what's happening.
  Mike: That felt weird.
  Alison: You have no idea.
  • Then, after Alison has told them off again and after all of the ghosts leave...
  Mike: I think you guys should probably go.

Gone Gone

• Thomas attempts to grieve and talks with Alison. She thinks he's talking about Mary, until…
  Thomas: I still have so much yet to give. So much to create.
  Alison: Oh, you're talking about yourself.
  Thomas: If I am to be next, I want you to know that I love you.
  Alison: Yes, Thomas, I'm aware of that.
  Thomas: And however hard it might be, I want you to be happy. Move on! Marry another!
  Alison: I'm of course already married, to Mike.
• Alison gathers the ghosts together to talk about Mary.
  Alison: We need to talk about the elephant in the room.
  Robin: What? (starts looking around) Hey, there's no elephant!
• Robin's touching ritual of choosing a star for every ghost who moves on gets a little sidetracked.
  Alison: Which one's Mary?
  Pat: (points) How about that one? Brightest in the sky.
  Robin: ...That is International Space Station.

Poached Guests

• The ghosts discover a new ghost, Maddocks, over the hedge and immediately become obsessed with him. It gets to the point that Maddocks (with Robin's help) fakes his own moving on in order to get the others to leave him alone.
  Robin: Told you.
  Maddocks: They are a lot. See you Tuesday?
• When the Captain discovers the new ghost, Robin says that he's known about "the dead guy over the hedge" for a while and told everyone ages ago. Thomas complains that Robin says a lot of things because his imagination tends to run away with him. We then get this compilation:
  Robin: The Queen's out there!
  Robin: Two horses are doing it!
  Robin: They're filming a Carry On!
  Robin: There's a dead guy over the hedge!
• Kitty, of all people, wants to know all the gritty details about Maddocks's death and the insides of his leg.

Not Again

• The joke about everyone not listening to Robin returns from the previous episode when Mike brings home a stuffed bear. Robin, believing it to be still alive, runs screaming through the house about it and everyone ignores him. Barely a few moments later the Captain nonchalantly informs everyone about the bear like he's reporting on the weather and everyone immediately goes to see it.
  • Leaving behind Humphrey's head.
  Humphrey: Sounds exciting... for everyone with legs.
• Thomas walks in on Alison making the bed.
  Thomas: Were I alive-
  Alison: No!
  Thomas: I was going to say I'd help you make the bed.
• When Alison explains to Thomas that vegans don't eat meat, fish, dairy and eggs:
  Thomas: Those poor souls.
• As Alison and Mike quarrel over where to put the stuffed bear and move it about the house, Robin continually happens upon it, screams in terror and runs away. At one point he ends up hiding in the cellar, where the bemused Plague Ghosts wonder what all the fuss is about.
  Plague Ghost #1: What did it look like, then?
  Robin: (having just had a traumatic flashback) Eh?
  Plague Ghost #2: This bear you saw. Up there.
  Robin: ...it look like bear.
  Plague Ghost #1: Well, yeah, but what, brown bear, grizzly bear, Kodiak bear?
  Robin: I don't know. If you see bear in house, probably right bear.
  Plague Ghost #3: No offence, but what are you scared of? You're already dead.
  Robin: ...so is bear.

It's Behind You

• During the pantomime that the ghosts put on, Kitty (in the role of Cinderella) leaves behind her shoe, which is then picked up by Thomas (Prince Charming). Except after a few seconds, it fades and re-materialises on Kitty's foot, resulting in her having to keep throwing it to him so he can act out the scene while the shoe keeps disappearing.

Season 5

Fools

• After the ghosts pull an April Fools joke on Alison, Alison and Humphrey agree to team up to pull an April Fools joke on each of the others.
  • While trying to devise an elaborate plan, involving a balloon, Kitty overhears and small part of the conversation and starts looking for the non-existent balloon.
  • For the Captain, he states to the group that the enemy (Alison) is smart, motivated and should expect tactics of breathtaking subtlety and sophistication. All immediately undone when Alison walks past on a fake phone call, saying they found a Stuka dive-bomber in the woods and he runs out of the room like a giddy child. When he reaches the woods he finds a miniature fake replica plane in cardboard form. (He does admire the trick and calls her a "Clever Girl").
  • Both Alison and Humphrey team up to prank Robin, using ventriloquism and Alison's phone to make it seem like the taxidermy animals have come alive to get their revenge. Serves as added payback for all the times Robin made Alison jump in Series 1.
    Alison: April Fools!
    Robin: (running away) DAMN YOU, COOPER!

En Francais

• During the day the ghosts decide to try their hand at TV gameshows; however, it ends up being a series of failures as every show has an issue that they can't seem to foresee.

Bloopers

• What a complete gigglepot Mathew Baynton is, every single blooper reel...
• Charlotte Ritchie being unable to keep her composure while Katy Wix keeps repeating, "Get out," an inch away from her ear.
• Every time Martha Howe-Douglas laughs, because she transforms into a completely different person from Fanny Button.
• Jim Howick's "Wow!" and Mat Baynton's continued reaction to it.
• Ben: It is. It is hard to look at you, Jim.
• Mat Baynton pausing in a scene because there's a fly, which he pretends to eat. A minute later, there's another fly...
  Mat: Jesus, that's a different one!
  Larry: Well, he just heard about what you did to his brother.
• "ANSWER THE QUESTION, DAMN YOUR EYES!!!!!"
  • Mat's little "Oh" when the director tells him to go "even bigger" is everything.
  • His "even bigger" take deserves special mention, if only for the fact that (for once) it's everyone else who breaks down laughing (Larry as Robin cracking even before he's finished the line) while Mat just grins and tells the director "you said you wanted bigger".
• Larry in his Robin voice: What Thomas try to say is you die... switches to his regular voice: and that's it.
• Jim Howick's repeated ability to crack up Charlotte, Ben, and Mat with a particular look, gesture, or inflection.
• "Mat, can you give that crotch a straighten?"
• Who knew cavemen carried cellphones?
• The re-stuffing of Dante.
• Mat's violent reaction to Lolly's violent vomiting noise.
• Martha's reaction to Simon's pronunciation of "No way, Jo-say."
• Any time Larry talks in his normal voice while dressed as Robin, but particularly the bit when he assures Ben that he wasn't questioning his line reading, he just thought the line was longer (and therefore didn't react when he should have).
• Ben's little "woo" and then falling backwards laughing after Martha-as-Fanny says, "A gentleman's sheathe."
• Larry-as-Robin attempting to throw Humphrey's head and having the wig part detach... even funnier considering he's basically throwing his own head (since Larry also plays Humphrey).
• "Order, orderrrr!"
• Kiell can really make pigeon noises!
• Jim saying. "We may have to ask for an extra two hours tonight" after Mat dissolves into giggles at his "The greatest DJ in the area... Pat But-cher" jingle.
• Ben repeatedly breaking over Lolly's line reading of "We're going to be stuck here forever and I just think I'll go bad," made even better by Larry's loud off-screen chortle at Ben.
• The look on Jim's face as Martha stutters and then completely flubs a line... his expression goes from "did anyone else notice that" to "wait, is she having a stroke or something?" very quickly before everyone starts laughing.
• All the camping bloopers, from Mat's inability to get "spaghetti napolotana" out, to Jim's exaggerated turn cracking up Ben, to Jim forgetting he can't touch things as a ghost, to his line reading of "Nonsense!" doing in Mat and Charlotte.
• "High time it became something else...like my swimming pewl."
• "You want all the food to be the same color as my shirt and short and socks...and shoes and watch and hair."
• Lolly and Ben both choking in scenes with Mat. Ben basically faceplants into Mat's shoulder after he does it.
  Mat: That bit of air is quite choking.
• "You ain't comin' in with those shoes."
• Jim's increasing frustration as he keeps saying "birthday" when he's supposed to be saying "birthmark."
• A brief shot reveals that Jim and Simon forgot to take their pajama pants off...
• Martha repeatedly flubbing a line to the point that Larry ribs her, "That's a tricky line. Who wrote that?" Martha and Larry wrote the episode together.
• The plague ghosts repeatedly cracking up in the scene where they're supposed to be fawning over Thomas. Mat-as-Mick finally wheezes, "It's not even worth it," while everyone else is dying laughing around him.
• Mat is giving a particularly impassioned performance as Thomas as he breaks down in tears after Alison announces she could kiss him...before admitting that he's just trying to cover the fact that he started corpsing.

• The 2023 "Red Nose Day" skit has Allison and Mike giving a tour of the house to a client who, to their shock, turns out to be Kylie Minogue. The ghosts,of course, are crowding around, with comments on everything from lusting for her (Julian) to slams on Australia (Fanny) to not knowing who she is (everyone else), with Allison deeply embarrassed. She and Mike take Kylie's agent on the tour...at which point Kylie turns around and says "everyone, shut up!" It turns out that after suffering a knock to the head filming a music video years ago, Kylie can also see ghosts. Hilarity Ensues.