Having multiple personalities since before you were a teenager doesn't make you mentally unstable, it makes you a reality-shattering badass. And if those other personalities tell you to enslave others to your will because they'd be much happier that way, do so immediately. Heck, if you don't, some of your would-be victims will force it on you anyway.
The only way to prevent the end of the world is to inspire everyone, everywhere, to become fanatical religious zealots willing to annihilate all that opposes you by any means necessary.
Well if you lived in the Imperium of Man this fic would pretty much be the Saturday morning cartoon you watched as a kid.
My Immortal: Goths are horrible, horrible people. Also christians (example: Snape Snap) are all incompetent villains who side with people that masticate to naked 17 year old girls.
Alternately, making persistent sexual advances on a lonely, emotionally distraught person with serious self-esteem issues is perfectly okay if you're the Uke in the relationship.
Nobody Dies: Rape is okay—hilarous, in fact—if you're a female sociopath.
Lube isn't necessary. Why would it be? Who needs lube?
Alternatively, anything can be used as lube- motor oil, foodstuffs, random items lying around- it'll be good.
Additionally, condoms are unnecessary, especially for anal sex. Cleaning up bodily fluids after intercourse is simply ridiculous: just go to bed or, better yet, go to the bathroom and have shower sex.
Anal sex is 100% clean and painless the first time around. Fecal matter? People in fanfiction don't poop, so you don't have to worry about that. If there is any pain whatsoever, it will always be "the good kind" of pain. It will last only a few seconds before giving way to untold pleasure beyond the character's wildest dreams.
Men can get pregnant. This is scientific fact. They will not be disturbed, they'll be happy to serve a wifely role.
Every relationship requires a dominant and a submissive member in order to work. There is no such thing as equal partnership, and there are no situations where couples trade-off or take turns being in charge. Sex only works if one party is a domineering overlord and the other one is a limp doormat.
Becoming a furry with a cybernetic arm that possess any powers you want, thus putting Kamen Rider Decade, Megaman and the Gokaigers to shame makes you totally awesome and cool, even if you use your powers for killing gay people for no other reason than being bullied.
Women will flock to a person with a Story Breaker Power and said guy with love them equally no question asked.
Remember Hinata the only way you'll get Naruto to notices you, is that wear virtually nothing.
Also Hinata can't exist if she's not stuttering or fainting every five seconds.
Also Hinata faint because she likes you Naruto.
It's okay to mock him if he doesn't notices.
Remember never defend yourself despite the fact that you're being blamed for something you never did. Don't forget to forgive them too.
Don't forget to hide our son heritage so my enemies won't gets since he isn't strong or old enough and don't forget to do nothing and cry while the said fellow villagers are beating him within an inch of his life.
Or arrive late after said beating.
Remember Sakura's a whore because she doesn't give up on Sasuke.
and Ino isn't despite the fact she just went after Naruto since he defeated Sasuke.
The Hokage is a glorified figurehead that does all the paperwork.
Dobe (Deadlast, Bottom Feeder) is an excellent nickname for someone.
Lots of shipping fanfic: It doesn't matter if you're too shy or awkward or whatever to confess your feelings to someone you care about, since eventually they'll fall for you anyway. This goes double if you happen to be gay.
Cult leaders who take days to brainwash people are pussies; if you're serious about it, you can do it in an afternoon.
When it comes to having a child, mindraping an adult is easier than adoption or dating.
Destroying your closest friend's mind with psychological torture and drugs is the best decision you will ever make.
Pharmacists will gladly help you create a drug with abuse potential that makes GHB look like paracetamol. You probably won't even have to pay.
You'll never know who's into the same things that you are unless you randomly ask every adult in your town to try it.
People who share a kink with you will gladly help you run a teenager through a gauntlet of "tests" dotted with the risk of mindrape.
If someone doesn't grasp and agree with a philosophy you never bothered to explain clearly, it's OK to drug them in such a way that it permanently regresses them into an infant. This even applies to people in their early teens.
If you're into age play, you're a sick and twisted soul who will sink to any depths to indulge your fetish.
It's better to have stayed with your abusive family, ignorant of your true heritage and never having met your true love, if that world is less than perfect.
Bromance is just an illusion to cover a latent homosexual lust.
It's okay to press your personal issues onto characters and depict them Out Of Character, your audience will love you to bits for it!
If you hate a character, it's perfectly okay to demonise them because they deserved it even if they didn't do anything!
Cupcakes: The most silly and goofy of your friends is actually a cold-blooded, Axe Crazycannibal! So if they ever ask you to come over to their place, don't listen to them or they'll kill you!
