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Fanfic: Curse Of The Demon Pony
Curse of the Demon Pony
was a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
story by Fanfiction.net
Set two weeks after the events of the season two finale, Twilight Sparkle and her friends are invited back to Canterlot to participate in the "founding ceremony." While there, they learn a demon pony is on the loose, and that it may have a connection to Twilight's lost love...
This was the first of several stories in the author's universe, followed by Ben's First Day
, Happy Birthday, Nyx
, ''Black Pony of the Family''
, and Lorcan's Wrath
, as well as the side stories The Return of an Old Friend
and Lorcan's Rage
. More stories followed soon after, even going as far as crossover, such as ''Total Drama Equestria''
As of 2013, JusSonic
has been banned from Fanfiction.net
, so this story and all of the others by this author no longer exist on said site.
A complete dramatic reading/critique of this story has been made thanks to AgainAFanficCritic on YouTube
. For some episodes, he brings in RegretfullyYours to help point out some of the plotholes along with him. Part 1 is here
The following story contains examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Boris for Twilight. Not that he notices.
- Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: Ben is mentioned to only ever wear a red collar, a gift Twilight got him as a colt. This is how Twilight realizes he's the Demon Pony.
- Adorkable: Nyx at her grandparents house, wearing socks on her hooves and horn.
- Also Ben, to a degree. Especially as a foal; his grabbing Celestia's snout was what inspired her to keep him.
- Aerith and Bob: Boris' and Ben's names really don't sound like they belong among the other characters' names.
- As You Know: A pair of pegasus guards helpfully inform the hiding Crusaders (and the readers), about that mysterious locked room in the Eastern part of the palace that Princess Celestia doesn't let anypony enter, and can only be opened with alicorn magic.
- The Atoner: Spell Nexus (from Past Sins), who still feels bad about that whole "bring back Nightmare Moon" thing.
- Berserk Button: Don't ever say anything bad about Ben Mare (and oddly enough not her friends or adopted daughter) around Twilight, or she'll transform into Rapidash.
- Also, demon pony or not, do not ruin Pinkie's games!
- Hurting Nyx is one for Twilight, and hurting Nyx or Twilight is one for the Demon Pony, as Boris found out the hard way.
- Nyx does not appreciate being called Nightmare Moon.
- She also doesn't like it when somepony hurts her mom or her friends.
- Big Bad: Boris.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Pinkie, as usual.
- Broad Strokes: The author takes elements of Past Sins, The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds, and Fixing Up Miss Smartypants and acknowledges they all happened in the show's canon, despite pretty much all contradicting each other. Try not to think too hard about how that works.
- Brought Down to Normal: All the Mane Six (except Twilight), Derpy Hooves and Pony Joe lose their horns and wings thanks to Boris. They're restored after Ben comes back to life.
- Call Forward: During her flashbacks to her fillyhood with Ben, the story notes how Twilight used to tease Shining about liking Cadence.
- Cerebus Retcon: Twilight yelling "Snakes! Snakes!" in "Winter Wrap-Up"? Funny stuff, but this story reveals that, when she was a filly, she was nearly killed by snakes in the sewers of Canterlot.
- Chekhov's Gun: The flower camera that Rainbow gives Twilight is later used to record Boris's confession of what he did to Ben.
- Also, the necklace the Cutie Mark Crusaders find in the palace restores Ben to life as well as everyone's missing horns and wings.
- Continuity Nod: Many for A Canterlot Wedding since this takes place after it, including Pinkie again using Twilight like a gatling gun.
- Twilight notes that the pegasus guard that arrives to take them to Canterlot is one of the ones who dropped her off in the pilot.
- Twilight yells "Snakes! Snakes!" again, like she did in Winter Wrap-up, only this time, a reason for her dislike of snakes is revealed.
- When trying to keep Fluttershy from learning about that they saw the Demon Pony, the CMC tell her they're playing the "shh game" from Stare Master.
- Dark Is Not Evil: The Demon Pony; he looks and seems evil, but only attacks when he's provoked. That's because he's Ben, and he has his intelligence.
- Department of Redundancy Department: One of the story's most frequent (and correct) criticisms is that it tends to repeat what the characters say after they've just said it.
- Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: "The princesses hired me to get rid of Ben Mare and that's exactly what I'm going to do!"
- Disney Death: Ben.
- Expy: Boris is basically a unicorn version of Gaston; he has a red coat, is an Egomaniac Hunter, has two bumbling Lefou-like sidekicks, and even has a gun for a cutie mark.
- Speaking of which, his sidekicks are both heavily based on Lefou.
- Fantastic Racism: Boris and his goons have an extreme hatred of Earth ponies, believing them to be low class. Naturally, this doesn't endear them to the Mane Six.
- Fate Worse Than Death: Celestia tells Luna that she considers Boris being sucked into the Void to be this.
- Flanderization: The Mane Six (minus Twilight).
- Flat Character: Pretty much all of the original characters in this; especially Ben Mare.
- Hand Wave: So as not to have to write her rhyming dialog, the author has Zecora explain that she only rhymes whenever she's trying to appear strange and mystical (i.e pretty much always).
- How Do I Used Tense?: One of the major problems with this story (and by extent all of the other works by this author) is that the sentence tenses are all over the place. It's made even more painfully obvious with the Dramatic Reading.
- Insult Backfire: Twilight calls Boris "primitive" for thinking Nyx is still a threat, which he thanks her for.
- It's Personal: Both Twilight and Celestia have their own reasons to capture the Demon Pony, and both involve Ben Mare.
- Jerkass Has a Point: A very unintentional example. At one point Boris tells Twilight that she should get over Ben Mare. He may have said this for a very selfish reason, but in a way he has a point: Twilight has become so unnaturally depressed about losing Ben all those years ago that she's never even thought of giving romance a second chance with somepony else. In most cases it would be unhealthy for her to stay so focused on that one event for so long and never overcome it.
- Jerk Jock: Boris was kind of this in school to Ben.
- The Lost Lenore: Ben is basically a male version of this, as his disappearance apparently made Twilight give up on dating anypony, afraid they would disappear like he did.
- Ben, I am Your Mother: Ben turns out to be Princess Celestia's adopted son.
- Murder the Hypotenuse: Boris's main reason for wanting to kill the Demon Pony. He knows it's Ben, seeing as he was responsible for turning him into it.
- Narrating the Obvious: This happens a lot. See "Department of Redundancy Department".
- Oh, Crap: Most likely Boris's reaction when he realizes he said Ben Mare instead of "the Demon Pony" in front of Twilight and friends, thus revealing he knew what it was the whole time.
- One-Winged Angel: Boris uses a forbidden spell to transform into a giant, powerful form, known as a "devil".
- The Power of Love: What activates the Love Eternal and brings Ben back to life and restores everything Boris destroyed, is Twilight's love for Ben.
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: I! Am not! Nightmare Moon!
- Rescue Romance: Sort of. When they were young, Twilight protected Ben from bullies (i.e. Boris) and they eventually developed a deeper relationship.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Most of the story is written with this.
- Schizo Tech: Well, in addition to Boris's gun, there's also walkie talkies (although those have been seen before), Rainbow's laptop (see Shout-Out below) and the flower camera.
- Boxco and Dum Dum mention a submarine (or "ponymarine") as part of a joke.
- Sequel Hook: At the end, Lorcan rescues Boris from the Void and recruits him to join the Brotherhood of Tadaka. The other known members include Gilda and three unicorns (later revealed as Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers), and they've got a spot reserved for Discord...
- Shout-Out: Pretty much the whole story is a shout out to Beauty and the Beast, including the idea of a bookish filly being pursued by an Egomaniac Hunter, the beast destroying a picture of his former self, and his Disney Death. Twilight even uses a modified version of Belle's famous line; "he's not a monster Boris, you're the monster!"
"Say hello to my little unicorn friend," Pinkie said in a weird gangster like voice.
- Surrounded by Idiots: They may be loyal, but Boxco and Dum Dum are constantly screwing up Boris's plans.
- Tempting Fate: At the end, the CMC decide to try out Pinkie's new upgraded party cannon, wondering what would happen. They end up blowing up the Sparkles' home, forcing them to move into the palace for a while.
- Also when the CMC are walking through the streets of Canterlot at night, Nyx comments that everything has been fine moments before the Demon Pony finds them. Scootaloo even says "You had to say it, didn't you?"
- Those Two Bad Guys: Boxco and Dum Dum, Boris' moronic flunkies.
- Took a Level in Dumbass: Twilight Sparkle unintentionally comes off as a moron for some of the story.
- Unfortunate Names: Dum Dum. Granted, he's a one-dimensional goon of a bully, but still.
- Viewers Are Morons: Most likely not intentional, but it certainly feels that way what with the constant narration of the obvious, redundancy and Info Dumps everywhere.
- Villain with Good Publicity: Boris. He's a self-centered jerk with a hatred of Earth ponies, yet its' acknowledged that he was a big help during the Changeling attack, the princesses accept his idea (only after it appears that the Mane Six have failed), and he's easily able to persuade the ponies of Canterlot to go after the Demon Pony. By the end, he's lost the "good publicity" part.
- Who names their foal "Ben Mare"?: Lampshaded in the story by Apple Bloom, who notes that "mare" is a female pony term. Twilight tells her that Ben was teased because of that. note
- Maregillian? I don't know if that's better or worse.
- Forget Ben Mare; who names their kid Dum Dum?!
- Would Hurt a Foal: Boris has absolutely no problem trying to kill Nyx if it means getting the Demon Pony. This comes back to bite him later.