He and Jesu Otaku, after reading the articles on Japan (including one on an automatic pet washing machine):
Nash: Oh, but we can't just tell you about this atrocity... JesuOtaku: You don't me— Nash: Ye-ep! We've got video~! (Cut to a cat in one of these machines, wildly jumping around in abject panic as it gets sprayed with water.)
There's also the story of an alleged underground restaurant where people screw animals before having them slaughtered for meals)
Near the end, they decide to "share the pain" with the other TGWTG panelists at MAGFest, and their reactions are shocked, except for LordKat, who was laughing his ass off.
And Spoony gets this expression of a crawling freak out, shrieks in fright, and runs into a wall.
"It's all fun and games until Spoony gives himself a concussion doing a cameo. Then it's hilarious."
From "Nimrods are Forever", Space Guy gets Nash to turn off the filter for the questions they're getting... only for the questions to get really... weird. And when Space Guy finally manages to turn it, it destroys reality in the process. All that's left to do is Caramelldansen!
Said questions range from 'What is Space Guy's real name?' to 'Where did Arlo get his uniform from?' and most of them are about Nash's sex life. Unsurprisingly.
The Mag Fest notice at the beginning of "Good and Evil":
Nash: Oh, and if any of you decide to hold an elevator party at 3am, and I have to climb 38 flights of stairs to sleep so I can get up and do shit the next day, I will rise up and end you!. [Beat; Cheerfully] Hope to see you there!
From "Regret at Leisure":
Nash's enlightenment montage
"I no longer rage at my fucktarded brethren; I simply await them... in enlightenment."
Arlo: We review the latest space-age technologies and advanced medical research...and then just say the hell with it and subcontract the whole thing to India!
From "This is All YOUR Fault (Electric Boogaloo)"
It's a viewer submission episode, those are ALWAYS gold mines.
The Big "WHAT?!" montage following a story of a man grilling his own wang in public while wearing a crotchless body suit and shouting "we're having ourselves a weenie roast tonight!"
"This wasn't a random act of stupid! This took planning. He needed to choose a spot, buy the stuff, build the fire. THIS WAS PREMEDITATED BATSHIT!"
From "Deep Hurting"
"Mr. Owl, how many shocks does it take to drop a lunatic?"
Every single word in the following line:
Nash:The point is, if you toddle off down the sidewalk in nothing but your foreskin and try to make small talk with a kindergartener and you don't expect someone to react with a can of fuck-your-couch, then my question to you is this: Did you do ALL the drugs or did you save any for the rest of us?
The cameo by The Nostalgia Critic.
Nostalgia Critic: Today we're going to look at a good nostalgic movie. Citizen Kane. Now...("Last Friday Night" plays in the background) Anyone hear Katy Perry music? (Space Guy's ship falls on his house)
And afterwards, Stickboy holds up a sign saying "You are SO fired."
Including the unexpected appearance of Tara in a pre-taped WTFIWWY and Oancitizen inadvertently admitting that he dated Kurt Loder after a game of Telephone.
Linkara interrogating Stick Boy about recent changes in comics for the worse.
Nash transferring all his stress into a rocket and sending into space, and the Brick Joke that follows at the end.
Space Guy singing. It's priceless.
The bit where Nash sticks a knife in his computer, rants about how you can't stab a computer and magically destroy all the evil information... and then a picture of a scene from a porn magazine floats out of it.
Nash: I read the articles in it for research. *looks uncomfortable*
From Armed and Ridiculous
Nash's rant about how one does not need a gun to go to church, or a horse, and one especially does not need to be on a horse with a gun to go to church.
Nash telling anyone who disagrees with the above notion to go to a new denomination, like the Church of Jesus Christ of Shut The Fuck Up.
His history of weaponry started by explaining that weapons were used to hunt animals. At one point, two of the stick figures pull out steadily upgrading weapons and kill each other with them, and once they're both dead, the animal figure from earlier runs past them.
From Dumber Than Curling
Nash explains that the Olympics are sort of like a family gathering in that, 'While most are content to just enjoy the festivities, there's always that one cousin who decides to shoot, fuck and swallow the Christmas turkey whole. In that order.'
Nash tries to release the traditional dove of elaboration... and realises that he forgot to feed it.
Nash: Going back to 1936 with the first live broadcast of (Video footage of Hitler at the Olympics appears) OKAY! (Quickly cuts to footage of a bunny) Here's a bunny! Everybody look at the bunny! The...the Not-Hitler Bunny!
Nash gives us a short look at all the things Holly has had to stop him from doing. And then he drives a vehicle into a tree (she never said he couldn't break the laws of physics.)
All of the We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties captions. The most common one is 'Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up', but the others include 'Please do not provoke the raging jackass', 'Don't worry, we're pretty sure he won't find the gun this time' and 'Please hold your fucking horses'.
At the end of "Disorganized Crime", Nash tries to take matter into his own hands... and somehow ends up on the raid of the Death Star.
In "This Is All Your Fault (The New Batch)", Nash gets a story about kids who cocaine instead of candy on Halloween. He then proceeds to speculate on what happens when the children run out of it.
Nash: (Snorts a Pixy Stix) Damn these Pixy Stix! They're not doing it for me anymore! *Pant, pant* I need something harder! (He looks to the left and pulls out some Pop Rocks) (He takes a deep snort, leading to a giant explosion.)
And then, Nash, being Nash, wonders how people can tell the difference from a hopped-on-cocaine kid to a normal hyperactive kid.
Nash: Fortunately, the story states that none of the kids ingested the cocaine. But, honestly, how would they tell the difference? (Cut to a scene of a child freaking out over getting a Wii) I've always said: "there's no finer birth control than...other people's kids".
Nash mentions that one thief's quarter-assed attempt at identity theft still went better than his did... when he pretended to be Jesus.
Nash: Hey, everyone! I'm baaaaack! So... where are the brewskis?
The gimp suit. Just... the gimp suit. There's really not much more that can be said.
"Why isn't Tara on the recorded episodes?" "Because I have a life!" (Previously, on Lost...)
05/09/11: The story of a man who was able to steal a fire truck because the firemen left the truck unlocked with the keys inside. Nash says that if you are a fireman in Florida, and you think only an idiot would steal a fire truck you have to remember that you live in Florida.
Nash states that one of the rules of life is "all women are crazy, all men are idiots", and then gets Tara to unwittingly make his point by having her show off her collection of hippo-themed objects. He just sits back and chuckles while Tara goes on about her hippos.
Tara: These are just the ones that are within reach, people.
Nash: You are not just making my point, Tara, you are lovingly hand crafting my point!
Also Tara's open-mouthed gape of shock upon seeing the last story about an Ugandan school using a bomb as a bell.
From the 7/25/11 Live episode, at a story that the weapons check at the entrance to ComiCon turned up a stiletto dagger, a machete, and an "honest-to-Rambo AR-15":
Tara: Seriously, guys? I mean, I don't like Twilight either, but...
Tara pointing out that if she ever took LSD, it would be bad because all her hippos would come to life. Nash adds that Staring Into Your Soul hippo would turn to her and say "You are not your flesh" and suchlike.
From the 08/01/11 Live episode, when Tara shows off her very first hippo plushie Humperdink using a newer version of it:
Nash breaking down once again when Tara starts making dolphin sounds.
9/05/11: Nash's awed reaction to a story about a man who caused an explosion by pouring gasoline onto a beehive and lighting it on fire. Made even funnier when he expresses his desire to want to try it himself and Tara trying to talk him out of it.
10/03/11: Tara gives us this little gem:
"Protip: If you have to tell people you're invisible, you're not invisible."
Nash: I think we've just learned that Doug is more fucked up than me or Tara!
"[The culprit in the second story] was dressed all in black with a hooded sweatshirt covering his head...[glances at the camera] Todd..."
Doug's reaction to the story about a drunk driver crashing into a "You Booze, You Lose" truck.
Nash: I don't know what I'm more pissed at him about—the drunk driving, or ruining an '89 Camaro! Tara: Being from Long Island, I can't be mad at him ruining an '89 Camaro, because...there are such few things that are good Guido shorthand. Doug: Maybe the guy was driving drunk and he was like, "Lord, if you want me to stop, please give me a sign!" Nash: (dies laughing)
Implying the cop in the image was taking a picture of the wreck with his phone. "They're not gonna believe this shit!"
The Double Entendres flying between Doug and Tara at the end of the show. Even better? Doug's fiancée was right beside him. The boy has no shame.
During one story, Nash tells his own story about how Hope took him to a water park, at which point Doug interrupts to ask if he meant Hope the person or just a general kind of hope leading him to that park. Once that's cleared up, Nash continues to explain how she convinced him to get on a water slide, which, contrary to her descriptions, was not in fact fun, and more 'Oh Jesus, I'm going to throw up'- at which point Tara interrupts to say that Hope might not like it if Nash keeps telling everyone details of their sex life.
1/2/2012: A story featuring a Florida man who burned the house that he was renting down because he did not want a woman moving in with him. Unfortunately, the man's dog was killed in the fire and the man willingly knew the dog was inside when he started the fire. Nash loses it and actually plays Gunther's "Ding Dong Song"LIVE in response.
1/23/12: "Don't say 'fuck' in the Chuck E. Cheese!"
2/6/12: Halfway through talking about political blunders on Facebook, one of Tara's hippos starts randomly making noise. Tara immediately puts on a sultry voice and says, "He's in my lap, that's why he's happy." Nash cracks up.
Tara, in response to the antics of the Pants-On-Head Bank Robber: "What. (Nash cracks up) What?"
2/25/12: Hope calling the Disneyland security team the 'Disney po-po'.
Oancitizen claiming that "Organized basketball is essentially a bunch of rich white men controlling a group of athletic black men and making them fight each other," leading Nash to crack up and Hope to remark, "Tonight, on a very intellectual What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?..."
During a story on a homophobic builder who left hand-crafted concrete penises on the front doorstep of a gay neighbour, Hope idly asks, "I wonder if he took the time to grow moss on the balls."
Confusion over the badly written title, "Squatting Naked Man Raymond H Blair Found With Crack In Buttocks In Stuart, Police Say."
Oancitizen: The buttocks were in Stuart?! [...] How does Stuart feel about that? How did they get the buttocks in Stuart?
(Nash, in southern accent) "Picked from the freshest assholes: Martin's Home-Style Crack!"
2/27/12: Tara using one of her hippo plush to do a "dramatic reenactment" of a story about a large naked woman stomping out the windshield of a man's car.
3/5/12: The entire story about Hitler Chic (IE: Clothing and memorabilia of pop-culture icons with their faces replaced with Hitler's).
Tara: Why is Ronald Mcdonald Hitler?
The "Overtime Special" from the same episode, where Nash and Tara talk about attending a White Wolf World of Darkness convention in Chicago in what was probably the sketchiest hotel in America at the time. They nicknamed it "Ghetto Con." Find it here
3/12/12: The story of the man who broke into a woman's house because God told him to.
Tara: Well, we've heard worse excuses...
Nash trying to get back on track... and realizing he doesn't want to:
Nash: "Back in our wheelhouse. Why is this our wheelhouse? This should be nobody's wheelhouse!Why is this our wheelhouse, Tara?! Cuz you know what I'm going to say, don't you?!"
Tara: "...something about naked rampage?"
As Nash delivers the setup to the "corpse abuse" case, take a good look at Tara's facial expressions.
After a story involving a drunken woman calling 911 because of being lost in the woods and not knowing where to take a leak, both Nash and Producer Mike (filling in for Tara) point out the logical problem: when you're lost in the woods, you can pee anywhere. Except on a bear... or on someone's tent... and Mike caps the whole thing with a funny anecdote:
If you're in the woods and you have to pee, and you're cooking in the woods and you're cooking with something that involves jalapenos, wash your hands before you pee and then wash your hands after you pee. (Beat) My scoutmaster, twenty years ago, twenty-five years ago, learned this lesson. (Beat) We heard the scream from a quarter-mile away.
Nash asks why a man's arse was so strange (he was exposing it to people and filming the reactions.) Mike responds 'It had portraits of all the Presidents of the United States- inspiring fear and majesty.
4/16/12: The ketchup covered homeless man complaining about tourists.
Tara: Are the tourists mustard people? Is that the problem?
Nash: Damn mustards, I hate them mustards! Especially the spicy ones!
Tara: Is he trying to start some kind of burger topping war?
Nash: Fuck all them fancy Grey Poupons! Keeping the Heinz man down!
Nash:(does a simple Google search) Hey, Olympics people, you owe me money! I'm doing your research for you!
Nash's reaction to Tara's explanation that people have weird fetishes regarding tying things to their private parts.
Nash: Everything you just said made me sad.
Nash's and Tara's utter awe about a man who managed to commit 11 felonies in one day while in Nashville.
4/23/12: Tara shows off a hippo candle she has had for years but never lit because she didn't want its behind burnt and make her sad. Nash, however, doesn't share the same opinion.
Nash: Nah, it wouldn't make me sad. I'd be like burn, burn!
Tara: That's because you are a bad person with no soul.
Nash: I am. I really am. Thanks for noticing.
Also, the Midnight Nightshirt Police-Camera Shooter:
Nash: No! Don't call! If you know who that guy is, don't tell him! Nobody snitch! Because I think my world is a little bit more awesome, knowing he's out there!
Tara: No! No it's not! Do you really want some random old man running around in his jammies shooting things in the middle of the night? That's what makes your world better? That makes my world scarier!
5/6/12- The story about a woman who found cocaine in her tampons and Nash's and Tara's reaction to it.
Made even funnier by Nash joking about it being a botched terroist attempt.
Nash: I'm just picturing Al Qaida with all these different brands of tampons trying to figure out which ones would be best to stuff with Anthrax.
The video at the beginning of the lioness pawing at the enclosure in the zoo while a toddler sat right on the other side. Nash feels sorry for the lion, Tara gets bothered that Nash keeps referring to it as "he".
5/14/12- Nash and Tara's reaction to the sex offender caught watching porn at a McDonald's and wondering why anyone would be aroused by said restaurant.
Also, upon seeing the wide-eyed Slasher Smile on the offender's mugshot...
The story about the old man who set a retirement home on fire because he hated retirement homes and got aroused by fire.
Nash: (As an old man) How can I make this place better? Oh, I'll set it on fire! Then I'll get a boner!
5/21/12 - There were a number of funny things, from the giant penis monument (named "Gaia") that was "blown" up in the name of art, to another Florida story where a senior prom was held in the same place as a porn convention, to the "live" coverage of the porn prom, but the funniest was the look on Nash's face when he found out that he forgot to hit the record button and almost lost this session. To think we almost lost the story of the giant wang that exploded.
5/28/12- Nash and JesuOtaku nearly losing it over Jew Wario's robotic kitty-cat ears.
Nash commenting that one day he'll wake up with JO hovering over him wearing the cat ears and saying 'Nyan?'
When discussing a blatantly unrepentant arsonist who tried to burn down a Home Depot and claimed he'd do it again if given the chance, Hope starts singing:
Hope: (In Schwarzenegger voice) It is going to digest in five years time, and I will gain nutrients from it, argh argh argh...
6/4/12: After hearing a story about a deceased cat that was turned into a helicopter by its owner, the sheer absurdity of the event causes everyone to burst out laughing.
Nash: How do you get — from dead cat to helicopter?
JO: Oh God!
Nash: There are some pages missing.
JO: Oh God! Somebody in the chat said "tape some Poptarts to it and fly a rainbow banner behind its ass!"
Nash, Tara, JO: *cracks up*
Nash's slackjawed "WTF?!" expression while watching the clip was pure gold.
This graduates to hyperventilation and screaming incredulity when the kitty-copter is piloted towards a herd of grazing cows, who immediately flee in terror.
Tara, inspired by the story about the Japanese chef, expands on her funeral plans for Nash. And this time, JesuOtaku's there to hear it...
Tara pointing out how horrifying kids' shows would be if viewed by a person under the influence of drugs.
Tara: Like, could you imagine watching Phineas And Ferb while high? Candace would become the stuff of nightmares.
The anecdote Tara tells about how a LARP game was interrupted by a couple having sex across the street.
6/11/12: Tara giving a rather poor PSA about drug use.
JesuOtaku: This PSA brought to you by Snowflame!
To be specific, she actually said that she encouraged the use of cocaine as opposed to meth. The entire conversation was just wonderful.
The story about the man whose private parts were burned by a blast of steam while using the urinal at an Arby's. Also, their reaction to the fact that this incident has happened more than once.
Nash getting utterly blindsided by JO and Tara suddenly talking about gloryholes is the best part.
6/18/12: A news story about a man who got caught having sex with a teddy bear in public for a fourth time resulted in Tara asking how one would have sex with a teddy bear. Which resulted in actual suggestions from the audience.
You've got teddy bear fuckers, Nash.
Made better - or worse - by her suggestion that one of them's fucked Teddy Ruxpin because they wanted to hear him talk. "Call me daddy, Teddy Ruxpin, call me daddy!"
Not to mention Nash repeatedly going "Get Out!" as she's talking.
Tara and JO latching onto the idea of a cat strip club. Nash's horrified reaction is priceless.
6/25/12: The story about a man making antisemitic comments while dressed as Elmo. Nash's and Tara's reactions were priceless.
Jesu Otaku's off-screen cameo during a story about a teenager who got his arm caught in a vending machine.
JesuOtaku: That's how I want to die! With my arm caught in a vending machine! Now I can die happy!
7/2/12- The story about a man who showed up drunk at a kindergarten graduation and began waving a machete around. Nash's question of whether or not the guy had any clarity over what he was doing makes the whole thing priceless.
Nash and Tara's reaction to a video of a naked man going around punching people and getting tazed twice by cops.
The story about Michigan State police wanting to implant talking urinal cakes into bathroom stalls to deter drunk driving.
Nash: (Impersonating a drunk) Toilet's talking to me! The....the toilet's....toilet wants to take me on a ride home...
Nash gargling "Don't drink and drive." is just pure hilarity.
Nash: How much have you had to drink!?
7/9/12: After hearing about a baby who ended up being smuggled through an airport baggage scanner and another baby whose mother went on a drug-fuelled rampage around the hospital (luckily neither kid was hurt), Nash and Obscurus Lupa start joking about the kids will earn "superpowers" and form a superhero team.
Nash: Bath Salt and the X-Ray Kid! Fighting crime!
14-year-old boy blows 0.165 BAC driving his drunk 49-year-old father home. More than twice the legal limit to drive in the state of South Dakota.
Nash: [Applauding] Hats off to you, kid! Holy Shit!
Tara: Well you'd like to say at least Dad had the presence of mind to get a ride home, cuz his ass is drunk. But then you consider that he got a ride home from his fourteen-year-old, who's also drunk, and all that goes out the window!
Nash: He was ALL of the drunk! That was every single drunk! There was no more drunk left!
Tara: And he had an open container in the car, according to the rest of the story. He was still drinkin'! The party was ongoing!
Nash: I wonder which one of them said "Here, hold my beer." Y'know it was said at some point!
Ladies and Gentlemen: The Greatest Story In the History of Ever! Nash has been trying to contain himself through the entire episode, and Tara is clutching her hippo plushie in terror of what he is about to unleash!
Nash: This is officially 'The Best Thing in The History of Ever'. ... I'm so happy to get to tell you guys about this story. You don't know. You just. You. Don't. Know."
Nash: "If he sez he'll let the monkeys loose, he will let the monkeys loose!" "Saw him get ahold of a dog once..." "oh yeah..."
Tara flubs and coins "Marky-Mark and the Monkey Bunch"!
The live broadcast had no sound in the beginning, so when the recording was uploaded to the site, it was edited to look like a silent film. This happens twice.
Discussing an elderly woman who vandalized a church fresco:
Tara: [Jesus looks like a nesting doll.] Oh God, they could have the Twelve Apostles [inside]...
Nash: [dies laughing]
Tara: The Twelve Apostles, and the tiniest one would be the Baby Jesus! That would actually be really adorable!
Nash: And really blasphemous, but...
Tara: NO, it wouldn't be blasphemous!
Tara's hilarious wordless reaction to Nash's comment, "I have never comprehended the entire concept of the orgy," ending with zipping her lips.
Following a story about a man who got jealous during an orgy, Nash wonders if he saw the Sesame Street short that taught "sharing is caring", which leads Tara to wonder if there was an orgy etiquette lesson on Sesame Street.
Tara: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12... PENISES!
Nash and Tara keeping their fingers crossed for when they (inevitably) get a story of someone sneaking aboard the space shuttle.
Because of the setup for three people, Nash's screen is inbetween Lewis' (Linkara) and Tara's screens. When one of them is talking, he turns his head so that it looks like he is looking at that person. When Linkara and Tara start talking quickly, Nash's head is whipping back and forth between them.
Lewis' comments before and during the Slow Loris story.
When he brings up that aphrodesiacs do not work like Head-On:
Tara and Lewis have a religious debate... which veers into the topic of child psychology.
At the end of the What Have We Learned segment, the three end up trying to one-up one anothers' toy collections.
Special mention goes to Lewis' laugh during the chihuahua story.
"And Nash thought this would be too blue for me."
The Stinger: Disembodied Orgasm Hippo doesn't work. Nash is thrilled.
The video opens up with everyone admiring JO's new hairstyle, which JO states people have said it resembled Reese's Pieces. Nash, however, doesn't agree.
Nash: The fuck Reese's Pieces have you people been eating!?
In the story about the guy who breaks into people's houses and tell them God sent him to marry their daughters, Nash wonders if that's God's idea of a prank.
Nash: "Guy. Hey, guy. Um.. Yeah, it's God. I want you to go to 287 Winslow and break in because, guess what? You're getting luck tonight. Go on, there you go... *Turns around, laughing* "Hey, Jesus! He's actually doing it, check this shit out! Where's the Holy Ghost, we gotta show him!"
JO: Gabriel! Gabriel! *Mimics holding newspaper, in a British accent* "Oh, not this shit again..."
Nash and Hope's speculations about the "strange noises" the stalker did into the telephone.
The story about the documentary Donkey Love being entered in a film competition and WINNING horrifies everyone, until they find out this was from Australia and Tara thinks it all makes sense. Nash then tries to stop her, fearing he's going to get letters, but when she keeps going, Nash mimes writing a letter:
Nash: "Dear Nash, I live in Australia, and I resent the idea that my people fuck donkeys. The red-headed woman is making me angry."
Tara makes Nash completely break down during the story about a man making love to an abandoned couch on the street:
None of this would be a problem if the Invisible Woman wasn't such a bitch and would just own up.
In one Christmas episode, Nash and Jesu Otaku were wearing Santa hats. To keep with the Christmas theme, JO proceeded to drape Christmas lights over herself.
10/15/12: Nash's facepalm when Tara starts relaying another hilarious story from her childhood about melting her family's TV. Later, Tara's reaction to Nash's story about his father and dynamite:
Tara: I'm sorry, and my childhood's fucked up? [...] My father never blew anything up. Yes, he set a dog's ass on fire, but that was an accident.
Nash and Tara talk about making a website that regularly updates to indicate where a certain man's penis is stuck that day.
Nash: I'm imagining him sitting there, going "I should do something", and there's the angel and the devil. One of them goes "shit in your pants!", and the angel goes "...yeah! Shit in your pants!".
Also the Halloween special that accompanies the video, "This Is Hookerween." Most of their reactions to the Top Ten Worst Sexy Costumes qualify, but the #1 spot, a giant black inflatable penis costume, takes the cake. The more they look at it the more things they find wrong and offensive about it. Then Nash reads the description and discovers the costumes comes with "four AA batteries." Tara proceeds to ask what is simultaneously the best and worst question ever:
Tara: Does it vibrate? (Video fades out on one of the most horrified faces that Nash has ever pulled.)
11/19/12: A story of a man jerking off at a drive-thru of McDonald's makes Nash wonder why they keep getting stories of McDonald's shenanigans.
1/21/13: The story about the cleaning lady who started a train by accident. First, Tara gets all giddy about stealing a train and making RDA Express and then the show devolves into Mr. Tran & The Toy Cack quotes.
A man broke into a house and baked a pie while in underwear. The article worded this incorrectly.
Nash: Now what's wrong with that phrasing?
Tara: He must have really, really been running a bad fever.
1/28/13: The tie for "worst of the week" to end the episode- both featuring drug induced insanity. The first had a man who got high on lysol, got naked, tried to set his bed on fire, tried to eat coins and taser barbs,growled at people, and finally bent over and spread his anus open and proclaimed "Who wants some?" The other is simply summed up as "violent naked pooping masturbator".
Nine words: "Take off your fucking fedora and do some heroin!"
Also, the opening to the episode: Tara is wearing fake glasses with hot-pink plastic rims- and pretending not to notice them; Nash is utterly bewildered. After about ten seconds of near-total silence, Nash finally asks, "Must you?"
Tara bitching about the friend zone while Nash quotes Airplane.
The friend zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the friend zone.
2/4/13: Tara revealing the secret to her youth:
Tara: I sleep in Tupperware filled with this mixture of argon-oil and unicorn blood and the tears of virgins. Works like a charm!
Tara has to ask Nash to rephrase the phrase 'comes at you', given the show's content...
2/11/13: Disembodied Orgasm Hippo returns. Much to Nash's dismay.
The story about a man who tried to hide a phone up his butt and was caught when the phone began ringing. Tara explains that it may be the first case of a "reverse butt-dial".
Nash claiming that God is a Troll during the story about a huge colony of flying spiders in Brazil.
2/18/13: Nash and Oancitzen's reaction to the inevitable- a story about a police chase involving a donut truck.
Kyle tries to come up with a verb that means 'to create a snow penis' and ends up with 'snow-dick'. Nash loses it.
2/25/13: Having recovered from last week's illness, Tara apologizes for not making an appearance, but speculates that trying to present her half of the show through charades wouldn't have been entertaining... whereupon Nash decides to run with it by tugging on his earlobe and making a certain gesture. Tara follows this up by making a hilariously overexaggerated "angry face" and hoisting two middle fingers at the camera. And this ended up being this episodes' thumbnail in the blip tv episode guide!
3/18/13: Hope and Tara being divas about not having their names in the credits, after Nash plays the opening without the latter's name in it.
Much all of what Space Guy says can count as this, but his comment that the Whizzinator should be a hands-free device stands out for making Linkara completely crack up.
4/29/13: Nash recites a story title, only to be so utterly baffled at it that he starts trailing off mid-word.
One journalist used so many bad puns that Nash kept interrupting the article with his fervent wishes to kill the author.
After reading an article about a guy releasing a song on iTunes about his penis which is filled with jokes about penises, Nash loudly proclaims that the writer must die.
The article about the burglar scared by a cat. "They're not coming to rescue you. They're coming to arrest you."
The chat went nuts because a burglar in one of the stories looked eerily like Bennett the Sage.
5/12/13 The fact that someone stripped naked after claiming to be a monkey.
A man called 911 to get Koolaid and drugs (80 times!). Nash's reenactment is hilarious.
5/13/13 The chat beginning a recitation of dozens of nautical-themed euphemisms for A Date with Rosie Palms, bringing both Kyle and Nash to raucous laughter, finishing off with one viewer's simple declaration of, "Masturbation", sending Nash into a fit.
I think what was actually said (written) was "Master Baiter" - another nautical pun, but it sounds the same when read by Nash.
"But this week the Doctor faces what could be his most dangerous foe yet! (a picture of a head of lettuce fades in as a dramatic noise plays) ...you have no idea how much much I wish I was kidding."
Nash: "Several times, the original Doctor Who had season long arcs, many of which are considered classics by fans and one which is... not. Guess which one we'll be looking at this week. Here's a hint." *facepalm*
Also, the reveal that the Vervoids are to be used as a slave race over perfectly good robots who DON'T resemble plantmen with very Freudian faces causes Nash to lose his sanity and declare himself Zodan the Unbounceable.
Zodan!Nash: Now, Nash would point out that had there been enough light and carbon dioxide to accelerate the life cycle of plants that much, it would also be enough to suffocate and flash-fry everyone in the vicinity. Zodan the Unbounceable, however, gives not one fuck! *puts on a mask and begins chanting Uga Chaka*
Nash complaining about the framing device for the episode: Elton's V-Log- a man sitting in front of a camera and talking about the Doctor. Halfway through demanding to know who would find this sort of thing worthwhile or interesting, Nash realizes that he's talking about himself.
Responding to Bliss's off-screen death by saying "And nothing of value was lost."
After examining the entire rating system from ten to zero, Nash has to settle for something different.
Here's where this episode belongs, folks: this is Less Than Zero. He lives in a trailer park. He fills his days with the hits of Conway Twitty, watching his bugzapper and fucking his sister. His hobbies include filling roadsigns with buckshot, and eating things he finds lying on asphalt. He is the personification of the lack of effort, creativity and common sense that went into this episode.
His Motor Mouth racetrack announcer commentary when the Doctor and pals are being chased by pigmen:
Aaaaand they're off! It's Needy Bitch in the lead, followed by Smart Black Man, Southern Stereotype and Hipster Geek is bringing up the rear!
The Top 5 Best Classic Episodes (For New Series Fans):
Nash to the people who will complain about his choices:
"For those of you who are bound to lob profanity at my choices I would like to remind you that I am rubber and you are glue, everything you say bounces of of me and sticks to you, I would also like to add times infinity and nanny nanny boo boo."
It begins with him showing examples of social commentary in Doctor Who. When he gets to the modern era a clip is shown of Jack kissing Nine, and he stops what he's saying to shout "HOLY FANFICTION FUEL BATMAN!"
"This is Ace, she likes hitting things, hitting things, hitting things, hitting things, and blowing shit up. I like her."
Kandyman: "You see, I make sweets. Not just any old sweets, but sweets that are so good, so delicious that sometimes, if I'm on form, the human physiology is not equipped to bear the pleasure." Nash: "So are you gonna make candy or fuck them to death?" followed by "Before the Doctor can experience the Kandyman's creamy center..."
" If you tested the writers for drugs the test results would scare Keith Richards."
" So The Doctor and harmonica man escape into the candy pipes and dear god how insane do I sound right now?"
"Hey Brad, Phelous! Look, I found Troll 5!"
"I keep spouting so much gibberish I should be dancing with snakes!"
"They head back into the sewers, meet up with the trolls in the candy pipes and are pursued by a hand puppet. Also I'm running out of booze."
"The Doctor goes back to talk to the Kandyman because this episode hates you."
"How do you pimpslap someone with a hand made of licorice and gummy bears?"
"Because the Trolls have turned on the pipes and unleashed a flood of strawberry DEATH", which is followed by a Hurricane of Puns.
"Don't judge me, I'm very drunk right now."
"It is official: The Doctor is the whitest man in time and space."
"Happiness will prevail", "My gigantic ass it will!"
Nash using a video of monkeys on little bikes to represent the writers at the time. "Aw, they think they're people!"
"Dimensions In Time" could have been a grand adventure bringing together all the Doctors!
Nella: I'd watch that! I'd watch the hell out of that! I'd watch it 'til it called me "Mommy"!
Nella's reaction how "Dimensions in Time" really turned out:
Nella:[Boils with fury, then heads off-screen.] [CRASH! BANG! SMASH!] Nash: ...You okay? Nella:I'M FINE!
Their discussion of the 6th Doctor and his outfit.
The jab at the Fox Network. "So Fox is the reason we had to wait another decade for more Doctor Who? Is there any show they won't strangle in the crib?" "Not unless your last name is McFarlane, I guess..." "Touché."
Their reaction to Kamelion.
Nash: You know, for kids!
Nella: [punches him]
They decide to go to a bar, but first Nash has to ask Jesu Otaku if he can go out to play.
After a massive hammy rant about how Nash's previous reviews "tossed his childhood memories into a meat grinder", Linkara's sadistic glee when he finds out Nash is going to review.... that... is perfect.
Linkara: The Twin Dilemma? You're going to sit through that classic ball of misery? [Gigantic evil grin]
Nash: [Worried] Um... yeah? Why?
Linkara: Oooh, nothing. Forget I said anything... ya poor dumb schumck.
Nash: Okay, in doing these reviews, there are rare, beautiful moments; moments where the stars align, where 'Synchronicity' becomes more than the best Police song ever! Where from this madness springs something of such unspeakable, terrible beauty. My friends, prepare thyselves...
Plays 'the song' over the clip of Astrid pushing Max Capricorn off the ship with a forklift
Nash: [expression of unquantifiable bliss] I need to change my pants.
His elaboration on how RTD doesn't write actual stories but simply takes concepts and puts them in Doctor Who. He demonstrates this by taking items and putting them in his toy TARDIS.
Nash: (grabs smartphone) Reality TV. (puts it in)
shows clip of "Bad Wolf"
Nash: (grabs microphone) Mass media. (puts it in)
shows clip of "The Long Game"
Nash: OK... (grabs werewolf figurine) Werewolves. (puts it in)
shows clip of "Tooth and Claw"
Nash: ... (opens TARDIS, makes a farting noise with his hand)
When talking about how the Doctor is putting the crashing Titanic into a nosedive as part of his plan, he cuts to a clip of "Turn Left" where it crashes into Buckingham Palace. Black Comedy at it's finest.
Top Classic Doctor
Nash, in a really appropriate bit of what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you, recounting all the votes for other Doctors than the Classic ones, including the Eight Doctor (who nobody was sure if he counted), and:
Nash: Wait, what? You had a scanner this whole time but instead of using it to look around for slimy alien death you just let everyone blunder out of your box of crazy...yeah, come to think of it, he pretty much is The Doctor.
The Thals roping and destroying a Dalek. It has to be seen to be believed.
[Replays the clip]
Nash: No words... should've sent a poet...
Nash saying there were nothing like the Daleks seen before... followed by an image of salt-and-pepper shakers. "Except that."
Linkara: I am committed to sparkle motion! LET'S DO THIS!
Phelous apparently stays alive despite dying a lot via cloning himself with a genetic loom like the Time Lords use. Evidently, you really don't want to spill Dr. Pepper in the gene intake on one of those.
Before that, he trolls Nash:
Phelous: Oh, so you think I'm a Doctor Who fan just because I keep regenerating in my reviews?
Nash: Well... yeah.
Phelous: That's racist.
The Last Angry Geek repeatedly asking Nash who he is.
The Web Planet:
The opening when Nash gets covered in silly string.
Him noting that the voiceover narration has nothing to do with what's happening onscreen. He then tells the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears over the footage.
Nash: Once upon a time, there were three bears: A papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear, and one day it would come to pass a blonde-haired bimbo called Goldilocks would vandalize their home, criticize their food, and be discovered in their beds. But it is not for me to know if these bears did devour the stupid twat. Though they probably did, they're fucking bears.
His reaction to dubbing over the English lead actress with an American one.
Nash: Gee, what language do they speak in England? Let me think, oh yeah that's right, ENGLISH!
"It is at times like these when I recall the words of my mother when she said to me, 'You idiot'."
"OK, so our story begins with FUCK ME!"
Nash freaking out over a three minute scene of nothing but the main lead climbing a mountain. In fast-forward.
The 7/4 RDA discussion of Winnie The Pooh. What does Nash think Eeyore wants for a present?
Nash!Eeyore Thumbs and a gun.
JO did a very temporary Hostile Show Takeover on 8/22/11 (which was done at her house). Her mark is still left though — the regular banner is modified to look very girly (Nash's reaction is priceless when he realizes this).
While Nash is in the middle of giving some much-needed exposition, Tara's computer begins auto-playing a video of a baby crapping in a pool. Listening to the audio, Nash can only reply: "...The fuck was that?"
From the 5/28/12 show, JO's improvised bit with the hippo doll in the TARDIS warning Nash about the "Hippocalypse".
From the September 17th, 2012 show, Disembodied Orgasm Hippo died. Nash cheered.
RIP Disembodied Orgasm Hippo. 20XX-2012. Gone but not forgotten.
From the 1/21/13 show, Nash must pet a hippo through the internet to get Tara back.
Nash was talking about MAG Fest 2013 where he and a few friends were trying to get to Todd's room on the 18th floor and the staff told them that the 18th floor doesn't exist. What follows is a story of pure weirdness.
Nash and Hope related a story once where they were in a Wal-Mart and a guy was screaming 'Come on, Wal-Mart!' and generally trying to be a dick. After talking to the manager, the guy said that he 'just wanted to use his huge voice for good', upon which Hope commented 'Yeah, I thought "Huge voice, tiny cock".'
On the 3/18/13 stream, Nash had not been having a great day. In comes Hope, trying to cheer him up by dumping an armload of plushies on him. Three times.
During the March 2013 Megastream, Nash and several others, mainly TGWTG people, played the game Cards Against Humanity. The best round was probably the one that Nash referenced several times afterwards:
Black card: In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to ______.
Also from the Megastream, during the Q&A with Film Brain, there was this gem...
Matt: I was balls deep in Chipmunk for about a month.
April Fool's Day 2013. Space Guy hosting.
During a Q&A session, a Twitter user asks him why he didn't help out with the Plot Hole crisis. The answer? Nobody asked him.
That's a very good question, seeing as that involved space, and I am from space. I have a spaceship. I am Space Guy. I was sitting there, waiting, willing to lend a hand. Did anybody ask me? No! Rather than coming to the guy with his own flying saucer, what did you do? You strapped engines onto a house. Nice one.
Nash left Space Guy very specific instructions to play Tom Jones' "What's New Pussycat" four times, then "It's Not Unusual", and then another "What's New Pussycat". Funny enough on it's own, especially with the chat going absolutely nuts, but then, an hour later,this comes on, and suddenly everything makes sense.
Later, when Diana's "deal" is that she won't kill Elizabeth Hurley.
Nash and Film Brain stare in fear at Linkara
Linkara: No, you only get one head explosion per crossover. It's in my contract.
Linkara attempts to comfort a traumatized Film Brain after seeing Wonder Woman gruesomely murder a security guard.
Linkara: No, no, no, sweetie, he's just sleeping.
Nash: (scoffs) Oh great, and next you'll be telling him Santa is real… (Film Brain's face falls further.) …ly jolly…and swell, a-and great and…I'll shut up now.
(Film Brain breaks down in tears and Linkara puts his hand to his head then walks away.)
They see Wonder Woman snag a perp around the neck with her lasso, yank him towards her and then stab him in the neck with a hypodermic needle, just after Linkara finishes explaining how Wonder Woman was a paragon of honor and compassion in the comics.
Linkara: (weakly) …Well…a-at least she used a sterile needle.
Their constant calls to the other characters not to confront or irritate Diana lest she kill them after she gives her assistant a Death Glare for scolding her language.
Film Brain: You get the idea that Wonder Woman's previous assistants are in a shallow grave in a field somewhere.
The comments about Wonder Woman casually violating the law and basic rights, culminating in:
Veronica Cale: You have entered my place of business with no warrant! You have injured several of my employees, some catastrophically! Others you have killed, and I have it all on various cameras! You are about to meet your equal, Wonder Woman: the American criminal justice system!
Nash: [as Wonder Woman rolls her eyes] Laws are for poor people.
Later, when Wonder Woman saves the day and is met by applause from her employees:
Linkara: I'm smiling! I'm clapping! Am I clapping hard enough? OH GOD, WONDER WOMAN, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!
"I think feminism just got whiplash."
Film Brain's failure at finding the right amendment for unreasonable searches and seizures*
the Fourth Amendment
Film Brain: Second amendment be damned!
Linkara: That's the right to bear arms.
Film Brain: Fifth amendment!
Nash: That's self-incrimination.
Film Brain: Thirteenth amendment!*
Linkara: Yeah, sure, go with that.
Linkara's foul-mouthed Dr. Phil impression from the blooper reel.
From the commentary: "I can just imagine Grant Morrison in the middle of the night getting on a jet to go fight crime. It's Peyote-Man!"
From the 9/11/12 Tuesday Tech Talk, LordKat starts reading ridiculous hot-air quotes from tech-industry people at a recent conference. When he gets to the word "glocal" (short for global-local) Nash lurches into a gradually building rage, eventually coining the term "brenis" to explain how little sense "glocal" made.
You cannot make a tesseract business model! It doesn't work that way!
From the same talk:
LordKat: "We don't measure our success by financial results". * beat* Nash: What do you measure it by, candy?!
The Trials Of The Incredible Hulk review is full of hilarious commentary by Nash, Linkara, and Film Brain to the point where the whole episode could be considered a CMOF.
One point in the film features two thugs sexually harassing the female lead and an elderly man much to the trio's horror.
Film Brain: Leave Santa Claus alone, you monster!!!
Right after a scene of intense interrogation, the three bust out their best legal quotes - to mixed success: