Funny / The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

This is the page for funny moments from Jon Stewart's run. For examples from Trevor Noah's run, please see here.

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1999

• January 11, 1999: From Jon's first ever show, his report on the news about the comic book The Wedding of Popeye and Olive Oyl.
  "Move over, Charles and Di, there's gonna be a new "wedding of the century," as Popeye the Sailor Man is finally going to get "hitchked" to his baffling object of affection, Olive Oyl. To honor the blessed event, Popeye's best man, J. Wellington Wimpy, threw a raucous bachelor party, after which, he had to convince a bodyguard he'd gladly pay for the stripper on Tuesday. The couple is eager to consummate their long relationship, but considering the size of Popeye's forearms, Olive has only one rule for the wedding night: no fisting. Popeye was introduced to Olive Oyl by her older brother, Castor Oyl, although the two did not become close until the untimely death of her younger brother, Lorenzos Oyl."
  • And at the end of the show, he asks if feminists will be pissed off at Olive Oyl when she becomes "Olive the Sailor Man."
• December 6, 1999: For Indecision 2000, Steve Carell, Mo Rocca and Vance DeGeneres troll the GOP presidential debate. They are also really excited about their Daily Show jackets, even showing them off to John McCain (who happened to be wearing a longcoat of almost exactly the same colour) and getting them into a group photo.
  McCain: You scamps, c'mon over here! Where's the camera?
  • While interviewing a George W. Bush supporter outside the debate hall, Vance manages to turn the concept of not liking Santa Claus into an Armor-Piercing Question. A few seconds later, Steve Carell asks Santa about his position on abortion, but Santa stops mid-answer and walks away.
    • For that matter, naming it "Indecision 2000" became Hilarious in Hindsight, as the election dragged on for weeks.

2000

• April 11, 2000: one early Even Stevphen segment (debating whether Elian Gonzalez should be allowed to stay in the US or go back to Cuba to be with his father) started with both Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert agreeing that Elian should stay in the US—which completely goes against the main dynamic of their debates. Stephen, of course, is against sending him to Cuba because it's a dirty Commie Land. It becomes clear, however, that Steve Carell is against it because he has unresolved Daddy Issues.
  • And then Colbert roleplays as Carell's father, including becoming Abusive Parents once Carell decides he wants Elian to be with his daddy. By the end, Carell is nothing but a blubbering mess only able to say Goo Goo.
    Colbert: OH my daddy doesn't love me! Oh boo hoo hoo! Well MY SON IS DEAD!
• August 2, 2000: In the early, early days, while The Daily Show was still finding its feet, Jon conducted a (staged) interview with ex-candidate John McCain, only to be undermined by his and the Senator's internal monologues. McCain's face was a portrait.
  Inner Jon: Awright. Home stretch. Sitting Senator, fabulous interview. Now knock this last one outta the park, Stewart.
  Outer Jon: Poo-py. (Cackles)

2001

• March 27, 2001: Colbert and Carell conduct a serious investigation of responsible drinking or, to use the alternate synopsis, Steve Carell gets hammered. In the interview later that same episode, Richard Lewis made Stephen Colbert laugh till he cried.
• July 30, 2001: Colbert is sent to Harlem, 125th Street, to cover President Clinton; but he goes instead to 25th Street (100 blocks from Harlem), then Lincoln Square (60 blocks from Harlem), then to what is revealed as a green screen, before confessing his mysterious, inexcusable, unbigoted... fear of Presidents.
• December 12, 2001: Reverend Al Sharpton doesn't show up, so instead Jon interviews Reverend Al Sharpton as played by Stephen Colbert.

2002

2003

• January 20, 2003: At the end of this 2003 report on the mysterious explosions underneath Cheney's house, U.S. Navy Rear-Admiral Pietropaoli carries Stephen Colbert through his offices in his arms, with Stephen wearing the Admiral's hat.
• September 29, 2003: Rob Corddry attempts to talk to candidates at the Democratic Party debates. He...
  • practices saying "Reverend Sharpton. Reverend Sharpton. Reverend Sharpton" into his mic in a journalistic tone, only to whips round and deliver his question to thin air, the Reverend having walked through the crowd five seconds ago
  • asks Dennis Kucinich his question with a mouthful of peanut butter sandwich
  • finally succeeds in making contact with Sen. Lieberman.
    "Rob Corddry, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." [The senator and several journalists look amused.] "How can you justify repealing some or all of Bush's tax cuts when leading economic indicators say that the economy is slowly picking up steam?
    "...YES! YEAH! OH YEAH!"
  • ...and he punches the air and walks off without hearing the answer.
• October 7, 2003: In the live show Re-Decision 2003, the California Recall, the 135 candidates are all covered by The Daily Show. The list of correspondents includes Elliot the Intern and a bag of plums and keeps getting sillier from there.
• November 10, 2003: The Prince Charles gay scandal segment that left both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert completely unable to keep a straight face... no pun intended.
  • Later that episode, Will Ferrell pulled out a banana and did the same.

2004

• March 3, 2004: Indecision 2004: the Bush re-election campaign summons forth storm clouds, thunder and blood-red skies. Colbert doesn't just bring the ham, he drags in the whole pig.
  Stephen: The treasures will be emptied, the ads unleashed, and the blue states will run red with a hundred million dollars of hellfire and retribution!

2005

• February 16, 2005: The Daily Show's 2005 piece on White House press reporter Jeff Gannon being exposed by bloggers. After previously being dubbed "Chip Rightwingenstein" for his notably non-neutral style of questioning, Jon remarks that Jeff is "holding the President's feet to the fire so he could more easily give him a reach-around", with (in)appropriate hand gestures. Jon repeats the hand gesture when it's revealed that Jeff Gannon is actually James Guckert, a gay prostitute.
  • In the next segment Stephen Colbert confesses that his own real name is, in fact, Ted Hitler. He spends the rest of the skit trying (successfully) to make Jon corpse.
• June 16, 2005: Ed celebrates the lifting of the long-standing Speedo ban with style.
• June 23, 2005: Stephen laments the loss of the porn vote to the Republican party. And gets in on some of the action himself.
• July 12, 2005: This montage of the White House Press Secretary's superb acrobatics on being grilled by the press. Secretary-fu!
• July 18, 2005: Samantha Bee reenacts the CIA leak scandal (in which an agent's identity was leaked to the press by goverment officials in retribution for her husband's article on WMDs) in the form of a sorority house.
  • Even better, the reenactment is then a rescored version of "Telephone Hour".
    Jon: So... in your research, that's how it happened, Sam.
    Sam: That's exactly how it happened. Only in reality, the choreography was even gayer.
• October 5, 2005: Rob Corddry does his own version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" to discuss Judith Miller's role in the Valerie Plame scandal.
• December 7, 2005: Calling Bill O'Reily on presenting year old footage of a joke as a recent attack on Christmas.

2006

• February 13, 2006: The show spent the entire episode joking about "Cheney's Got a Gun" and with it he shot an old man in the face.^backgroundHeadlines were dominated by news that on the 11th, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was hunting quail at a Texas ranch when he accidentally, non-fatally "peppered" 78-year old Harry Whittington's face, neck, and chest with birdshot. Jon Stewart opened the show with the headline story and Ed Helms provided a "live update" from the hospital on the victim's condition, which was "stable, but still shot in the face." Rob Corddry justified Cheney's shooting using the administration's arguments about the Iraq War:
  Rob Corddry: In a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
• February 14, 2006: Jon provided an update on Whittington's heart attack and reviewed media reactions about how long it took to learn the vice president shot a man in the face.
• February 15, 2006: Jon reacted to Cheney's Fox News interview about Cheney's feelings after accidentally shooting a man^*... in the face.
• February 23, 2006: Jon tries to explain the plot of his movie Doogal to film critic Roger Ebert.
  • He also brings up Ebert's review of Death to Smoochy, in which Ebert stated "You have to be amazingly talented and gifted to make a movie this bad". This would be used as the Moment of Zen the day Ebert died in 2013.
• July 13, 2006: Stephen Colbert's wife makes him dress up as a pirate for the toss-up.
• August 16, 2006: Stephen Colbert's advertises for his oncoming expose on media scare tactics.
• September 19, 2006: Looking back, Even Stephen was a beautiful segment but this exchange is one of the best (regarding Bill Clinton):
  Carell: Two words Stephen: Dow ten-thousand.
  Colbert: White-water.
  Carell: Welfare reform.
  Colbert: Monica-gate.
  Carell: Eight years of peace.
  Colbert: Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! God your voice is like a jackal picking at my brain. I hate you! I hate who you are and what you do and how you sound and what you say! You're like a cancer on my life! God!
  [Beat]
  Carell: Well that was ugly and humiliating. You feel any better now?
• October 3, 2006: John Oliver's presentation of life before Habeas Corpus.
• October 5, 2006: One of the President's toughest jobs (said President Bush) is to connect Iraq and the War on Terror. Jon demonstrates why this is so difficult:
  Jon: Let's pretend that this plug is Iraq, just a simple electric plug, and you're trying to connect it to the War on Terror... which is this avocado.

2007

• July 19, 2007: Jon eulogizes Farfour, recently deceased host of Pioneers of Tomorrow. And then reveals the Jewish response from "Dr. Bagelman's Hour of Hate": A bagel and a wallet whose attempt at discussing martyrdom devolve into arguing.

2008

• February 28, 2008: John Oliver is bewildered at having used the words "Bush" and "good" in the same sentence regarding Bush's 2008 trip to Africa and the apparent lack of ulterior motive behind his aid efforts. When Stewart suggests that perhaps there is no ulterior motive, Oliver considers that an even worse possibility, adding:
  John Oliver: Over the past seven excruciating years, I've come to terms with the President being incompetent. The fact that we now know he's been capable of doing good all along and has simply chosen not to—that really burns!
• April 3, 2008: John Oliver reading the names of Britain's Fallen Soldiers. Their names will be with us always.
  John Oliver: The base level of respect will be enough.
  Stewart: (hopelessly corpsing)
  John Oliver: Penistopher Wimplecrappe!
• June 17, 2008: George W. Bush is asked if he has any regrets from his presidency. He admits that his Iraq War rhetoric was inappropriate ("It's their choice to make."), before showing a clip of Bush saying "It's their choice to make" about Iran this time.
  Jon: (shrugging) Here We Go Again!
  (cue "Yakety Sax")
• August 26, 2008: The Daily Show correspondents riff on various beer commercials while discussing Denver.
• August 28, 2008: "Barack Obama: He Completes Us".
• September 5, 2008: "John McCain: Reformed Maverick"
• November 10, 2008: Jon discusses the first meeting between President Bush and President-elect Obama. After impersonating Bush, Jon tries to impersonate Obama, but it's just another Bush impression, leading Jon to say "Oh, Bush impression, I'll miss you the most..."
• November 20, 2008: Jon bullies John Oliver into reporting the Somalian Piracy attacks in a more traditional fashion.
  John Oliver: Jon, I look like Captain Crunch!
• December 8, 2008: "President Goofus and Gallant". Jon compares how President-elect Obama and still-President Bush handle the recession, with side-by-side clips of Obama giving a speech and Bush awkwardly leading children in a dance.
  Jon: (Beat) Can't we just have the guy on the left already?

2009

• May 14, 2009: But Jon; he's gay.
• Jon Stewart never met a mispronunciation of Rod Blagojevich's name he didn't like. Every time it sounds like an old Jewish man moaning/groaning/wailing.
• May 20, 2009: John Oliver has his impassioned defense of moats.
• June 10, 2009: Jon Stewart is attacked on Morning Joe for attacking Morning Joe in an earlier episode. He is called an incredibly angry man with a Napoleonic complex. How does he respond? Running out of the studio sobbing (with running mascara), donning a Napoleonic outfit, riding his horse, and meeting John Oliver as the Duke of Wellington. Completed with a French accent.
• July 30, 2009: Jon Stewart and Wyatt Cenac bond over beer in a bar. Fight dance fight dance fight dance GROPE.
• November 5, 2009: The "11/3 Project" skit where Jon Stewart mocked Glenn Beck's method of punditry is pretty hilarious... and would have been even funnier if it weren't an uncomfortably accurate impersonation.
• December 10, 2009: Stewart's reactions to Barack Obama's acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize—everything from noting Will Smith being in attendance to "research the role [of Obama for a movie]" to assuming (wrongly) that he'd scrape and plead with Europe for forgiveness to saying that while King and Gandhi had great examples, as a head of state he can't use them alone:
  Jon Stewart: (rubbing temples) Obama...forcing us to live in an area between absolutes...BRAIN HURT!!!

2010

• January 21, 2010: Jon Stewart's response to Keith Olbermann's tearing into Sen. Kennedy's Republican replacement (air date January 21, 2010) ended, like his "11/3 project" skit, with a parody/pastiche that was hilariously on the mark (granted, while being a lot more sympathetic, likely because he has a lot more respect for Olbermann). It ends with him pontificating in true Olbermann-esque over the top style, about how Olbermann's lately slipped from respectable news coverage into basically silly, immature name-calling:
  "...and that's my thing!"
  • Made all the funnier by what may be Olbermann's own moment the following night, where he not only showed the skit in its entirety, he also took it like a mensch. He seemed at first like he was (disappointingly) going to respond in total seriousness (which is the worst way to respond to a parody by the Daily Show)... then it suddenly built into a hilariously over-the-top indignant pastiche of Stewart's parody. And then? And then siiiiir? A nice long Beat before this cheerful confession:
    "...you know what, you're right. I have been a little over the top lately. Point taken. Sorry! :)"
• February 2, 2010: "Jon Stewart's Story Hole", a poorly constructed puppet show featuring Jon's character "Dr. Bagelman"... which is all set in a bathroom with a hole cut in the stall's wall. And Stewart's reactions were priceless:
  Stewart: Could someone run the set design by me next time? Alright, let's just do this... Okay, shut your eyes and let's see wh—"(gawks, looks at his index card in shock)
  • Dr. Bagelman's earlier appearance in response to the Palestinan Mickey Mouse rip-off should not go amiss either, especially when they bring in the new character and the show devolves into Jews Love to Argue.
• February 10, 2010: The Global Warming denier parody Here
• March 4, 2010: Jon surfs Chatroulette, finding mostly dongs, reporters, and Jason Jones masturbating.
• March 19, 2010: Jon Stewart's magnificent parody of Glenn Beck. Fifteen minutes of industrial-grade skewering culminating in a demonstration of how Bert, Adolf Hitler, and Glenn Beck are part of an evil Libertarian Communist plot.
  • Taken to the extreme once more after that, and the third time. On December 1, 2010, Jon Stewart literally states "You know what? Fuck it, it's not even worth it anymore!"
  • Utilized again, for essentially the entire April 7, 2011 episode apart from the interview. Jon warns of the impending doom caused by Glenn Beck's that he would be leaving Fox News, despite having been sent as a messenger from God in the end times, which will come in 2012 because Barack Obama is Mayan.
    Jon Stewart: I'm going to fuck your ears with the truth.
• The whole episode from March 30, 2010:
  • Their coverage of the RNC lesbian bondage sex club scandal, including a fake video of Michael Steele (as the customer from Sesame Street) watching two lady Muppets make out "I have a total disregard for my donors!". Plus, Wyatt Cenac gets a little too into John Oliver's description of the club.
  • Their coverage of the Sarah Palin/John McCain rally
  • The guest, Robin Williams, points out that the basket in his dressing room contained vodka and tequila and that they should probably have done more research on that.
    Robin: Here's a little relapse, kid, good luck!
• April 20, 2010: The Jon vs. Bernie Goldberg / Fox News feud, capped off by Jon and a gospel choir inviting Fox News to "Go Fuck Yourselves". In song.
• June 9, 2010: While interviewing Samantha Bee (starts at 5:15) about the women winning in the 2010 Primaries—in the tone of a mother being exasperated by her husband or kids—we get this exchange at the end.
  Jason: (pantsless) Sam, I can't find my pants!
  Samantha: They're in your hands, actually.
  Jason: No, they're not. I've looked there!
  Samantha: Your other hand.
  Jason: Oh, *bleep* . I love you!
  • He then got his hand caught in an empty pickle-jar and needed his wife's help getting it out again.
• June 17, 2010: During the BP oil spill, it is revealed that one of the oil companies' emergency contacts is a marine biologist by the name of Dr. Peter Lutz.
  Jon: Okay, makes sense. Oil rig, disaster, spill... Doctor could be a crucial contact, especially a marine biologist like Dr. Lutz. I see no problem here.
  Clip: The problem is, that Dr. Lutz has been dead for five years.
  Jon: He added:
  Sound bite: DUN DUN DUUUNN!
• August 5, 2010: Larry Wilmore tries to use the race card, an actual credit card, but discovers it's been maxed out.
  Larry: (reading) "Void during a black presidency"? Fuck!
• August 19, 2010: Team Mohammed vs. Team Jesus.
  • On a similar theme, January 4, 2010: after Fox News urged Tiger Woods to convert to Christianity, more redemptive than Buddhism, Jon put together the Best F%&king Theological Team Ever to advise Woods on the best faith for forgiveness.
  • Jon connects Fox News to terrorism, using the logic utilized by Fox News.
• August 24, 2010: The offensive epithet ticker—apparently "kike" is up three-and-a-quarter—and also used around The Daily Show's office because they mistakenly thought it was a ''nicer'' way to say "Jew".
• September 15, 2010: following Tea Party victories in the 2010 primaries, on the subject of Carl Paladino's email scandal.
  Jon: in high pitched voice Ooooh! Racist jokes, porn, and bestiality! I was told this was going to be a Tea party! I didn't know they fucked horses at tea parties!
  • Also in the clip, John Oliver, Wyatt Cenac, and Jason Jones analyze "how will the Democrats blow [this election]?"
• The "Slogan's Hero" sketch where John Oliver covers the law in Wisconsin allowing five words in a campaign slogan. He interviews Iesha Griffin, a state assembly candidate about her picks, which are very bawdy. Also helping is that Griffin was not joking about it.
  Not the White Man's Bitch
  New Booty.
  • Even funnier is the sketch where there would be a middle-aged suburban white couple lamenting the taxes, saying they need a new politician....
    We need new booty
• September 29, 2010: "And we're all like, oh no, your slurpy's on top of the car!"
• October 26, 2010: this episode Jon can't keep a straight face when Wyatt Cenac declares his martini to be "drier than Harriet Tubman's vagina."
  Jon: That is NOT the line we used in rehearsal!
• December 2, 2010: Comparing John McCain to the Black Knight due to his opposition to a recent survey on the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell"

2011

• January 31, 2011: Jon Stewart concluding by Insane Troll Logic that makes a scary amount of almost-sense that Sarah Palin is actually Natasha Fatale.
  Jon: Squirrel! Ruun!
• February 1, 2011: Michael Steele, meet Michael Steele.
  • The best part is that the real Michael Steele was a fantastically good sport about their constant jokes at his expense.
    "That's what I said, cheddar bread!"
    • When Michael Steele returned to the show in August 2011, he did it sans puppet, and actually said at the top of the interview that he missed the puppet.
• February 3, 2011: Jon switches bodies with Justin Bieber.
• February 15, 2011: John Oliver interrupts Stewart talking about the Chris Lee sex scandal to give us... this.
• February 17, 2011:
  • The best f***ing news team ever reports on the Berlusconi scandals using a series of Italian stereotypes Jon is underwhelmed.
  • Aasif Mandvi tries to start a Cosby Show-style sitcom about an American Muslim family, hoping it'll help improve Americans' perceptions of Muslims. Though the test audience basically suggests that Aasif employ some Muslim stereotypes in order to stop such stereotyping.
• March 1, 2011: Aasif Mandvi's report regarding Batman's new Muslim sidekick:
  Bosch Fawstin: "Batman is not immune from what's going on in the real world. Batman has never faced down Jihad."
  Aasif (voiceover): "No. ‎Batman has only defeated the Joker, the Penguin, Mr. Freeze, and has a f**king tank that ejects a motherf**king motorcycle with guns. I'm sure he can't handle one jihadist as fearsome as Nightrunner."
• March 8, 2011: Jon Stewart's discussion with the newest Republican presidential candidate, the Reagan OS 911 computer.
  • Some especially funny bits from that:
    Jon: So, what do you think about Sarah Pal—
    Computer: NO.
  • Later, talking about the Obama birth certificate controversy (the computer believes Obama is not American, and the computer is also pro-life), Jon confronts the computer with this dilemma: Obama was certainly conceived in America, and the computer believes life begins at conception. Then that means that Obama is a US citizen. But Obama was not born in the US. So either Obama was not born in the US and fetuses are not human beings, or Obama was conceived and is therefore a US citizen and the rightful President. But—that—what—ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE 10101100100111
• The story Jon broke on an Iranian facility where they could eventually be making nuclear weapons. However, it was a little hard to take seriously when the town it's located in is called Qum. "The neighboring town will be showered with loads and bits of hot Qum!"
• March 21, 2011: John Oliver discusses America's "freedom packages", basically a parody of time-share salesmen.
• John Oliver as "The Polisher", offering this spin on recent protests over Koran burning:
  John Oliver: Yes, a Koran was burned. Yes, people are being senselessly murdered because of it. But perhaps this is the final period of fundamentalist fervor that precedes a religion's embrace of modernity, much in the same way that the 16th century excesses of the Catholic church preceded the Reformation.
  • Stewart's reaction is even better:
    Jon: ...That's a little too intellectual...
• April 7, 2011: The sendoff to Glenn Beck. Must be seen to be believed...
• May 9, 2011: Jon talked about some of the lesser-known GOP candidates, remarking that while people may have to google some of them, "Rick Santorum would probably prefer that you didn't." Later in the show, his guest Keira Knightley came out and dropped this gem:
  Knightley: I just googled "santorum." I feel like my innocence has been taken away.
• May 11, 2011: Everything about the Tone Def Poetry Jam segment.
• June 1, 2011: Jon Stewart's reaction to Donald Trump demonstrating what is the antithesis of true New York pizza, such as stacking the slices and (what really slams on Stewart's Berserk Button), eating them with a knife and fork.
  • Including possibly the funniest pun headline in show history (about Trump taking Sarah Palin out for pizza): "Me Lover's Pizza with Crazy Broad."
    Jon: Let's just go to the content of your meeting; and then we'll just—(Clip of Palin and Trump eating pizza focuses on Trump with his pizza slices one on top of another)—SON OF A BITCH! Motherf—and you stack your slices, Donald?! (trying to contain his anger) With all due respect, you stack slices of pizza, the steam from the bottom of the slice is gonna make the top crust so—you piece of shit! Maybe all those years, all those years of making your hair do whatever it is that it does, you think you can go around layering any fucking thing you wanna layer, and no one's gonna say anything about it?!
  • And it gets far, far worse...
    Jon: ARE YOU EATING IT WITH A FORK?! A FUCKING FORK?! AW, MARONE! La forcella è satanico! Uno strumento del diavolo!^note "You force of Satan! Instrument of the devil!" Donald Trump, why don't you take that fork and stick it right in New York's eye?! Donald Trump, we work hard. And you do this? You disrespect us in our own house? Scadagouch—you can put your name on anything you wanna build, your fucking glass and gold-plated buildings to the sky, blocking out the Central Park sun, it's fine. It's fine! But you invite an important visitor to our house, to our town, and you eat your pizza with a fucking fork right in front of us?! Who the fuck do you think you're—you know what, hey, why don't you take a shit in Fiorello LaGuardia's hat and feed it to Joe DiMaggio's crying ghost on Liberty Island, you son of a bitch? You son of a bitch!
• Will Ferrell, Jon Stewart, and a baseba—"Comedy helmet". They never even make it to the movie they're supposed to discuss.
• All the puns in the coverage of Anthony Weiner's 2011 photo scandal, especially the part where Stewart can't decide if he will be a journalist and cover other news stories or be a comedian and laugh at a guy named Weiner's weiner.
  • And the subsequent fake-News Conference on June 7, 2011, where Stewart apologizes for his lack of professionalism and "resigns" from the show, allowing John Oliver to host. After cutting his hand, having that fact brought to the attention of the audience by Oliver, and mentioning that they'd better wrap it up soon so he can get medical attention, Oliver has this to say.
    John Oliver: Don't be so Jewish about it, you're fine!
    Jon Stewart: Incoherent laughter at the ad-lib
  • Later:
    Jon Stewart: I should be Catholic? I should turn it into a drink?
    • June 8, 2011: Also his intro the day after he hurt his hand, where he pretends to have a pirate hook and tells us his 6 year old kid's reaction to hearing how daddy injured himself.
  • The R. Kelly impersonator's song.
  • Further on Anthony Weiner, Jon's reaction to hearing that Weiner, in light of the scandal, apologized to Bill Clinton of all people.
    Jon Stewart: WHAT!? The congressman had a scandal and had to apologize, to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?! A patent violation?! Are you insane?! That is insane! I can hear the big dog taking a call! (Clinton voice) "Anthony, I'm very disappointed! Now, this "Twitter" thing... can anyone sign up for it?"
    • Followed shortly by his complete mortification when it was revealed that Weiner suggested having sex while watching the Daily Show.
      Jon Stewart: (throwing up in his mouth a bit) You want me to cut my wrists again?
    • Then Jon gets curious if there are any other viewers that do the same thing...or all of them.
      Jon: Are you doing it right now?! Cameramen, let me see the camera that lets me see them—OH GOD!!
    • And then the brick joke...Jon goes back to see what episode of The Daily Show was on the night that text was sent...the guest? Bill Clinton. Jon's look of dawning realization is nothing short of hilarious.
• June 21, 2011: Jon interviews Puppet Senator John McCain about his stance on illegal immigration and his allegations that they caused forest fires in Arizona.
  Puppet Senator McCain: Jon, you can't deny we have a problem. Immigrants are stealing my pills, they're making my legs twitch; they took my reading glasses and I haven't been able to seen a damn thing for three weeks!
• June 23, 2011: Jon shows a clip of Obama talking about how he was "amused" by his announcement of the "Rally for Americans in Favour of a Return to Sanity or Something Like That." Jon then launches into an imitation of Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. When he gets to "What, funny like a clown?" he puts his feet on the desk to reveal two big clown shoes.
• June 28, 2011: The entire interview with Louis C.K. in which Louie hilariously deconstructs Toilet Humor. Poor Jon can't even get two word in cause he's laughing so hard!
  • The part where Jon (and the audience) completely loses it is when Louie starts describing in inspiredly lurid detail how gross and obese he plans to be when he no longer has people in his life. Jon looks like he's going to die halfway through.
  • When Fox News came down on Stewart for the satirical voice he used when imitating a (black) Presidential candidate, he was accused of, among other things, not being fair and balanced and an extreme left viewpoint. He then counters with a video package containing virtually every time in the show's history when he used a satirical voice to imitate somebody.
  Stewart: If my ridicule of silly things with bizarre caricature voices has given FOX what appears to be several days of very strong programming...your cup's about to runneth over, motherfuckers! Grab a knife and fork, FOX! Because I have turned my crack research team on myself! In a brand new segment called—
  (Graphic appears at the bottom of the screen: Jon Stewart F#*ks Himself with His Own Mouth. Studio Audience erupts into raucous laughter as Stewart sits there dumbfounded.)
  Stewart: I thought we weren't gonna...I though you were gonna run these by me before...
  • At the end, after a bit of Michael Bloomberg going "Tonight, we celebrate!" and him Steward answering with, "Wednesday, we go SHOPPING~!" he makes a I-did-that-last-impression-a-little-too-well face.
• July 13, 2011: Jon has to try and resist the urge to call Michele Bachmann's husband gay for the way he dances and resist tearing into him for referring to homosexuals as "barbarians who need to be educated." So what he does is call in his comedy therapist... Jerry Seinfeld, who told Jon that being funny is a choice and that he wasn't born that way among other things. He then leaves with "I gotta go. Don Rickles is about to get Chinese food from a guy that's half-Puerto Rican and half-Jewish."Linkski
• August 10, 2011: Larry Wilmore bemoans the fact that America's credit gets downgraded on a black president's watch, suggesting Obama own his downgrade, "and by own, I mean rent-to-own."
• There are SEVERAL Dick Cheney segments that qualify, but special mention must be made of "The Humanization of Dick Cheney" on September 14, 2011, for its stellar use of Obi-Wan Kenobi's "He's more machine now than man."
  Jon: Thank you, ghost of Sir Alec Guinness. The thing that's sapping my ability to make fun of Dick Cheney is that Darth Vader jokes are now more true than funny!
• October 3, 2011: Jon questions Obama's ability to rain death from the skies. Obama's response:
  Obama: "Yes! We! Can!"
• October 19, 2011: when talking to Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore, Jon brings up the disproportionately long prison sentencing of crack cocaine users as opposed to powder cocaine users as an example of racism^note  Crack cocaine users tend to be black and powder cocaine users tend to be white.. He says:
  Larry: That's your proof of racism? That people smoking crack are sitting in prison longer than people smoking coke?[...]I don't recall Dr. King dreaming of the day crackheads and coke heads would be singing "Free at last, free at last".
• October 26, 2011: Aasif Mandvi goes deep into the 'secret hidden agenda' of Science and interviews Noelle Nickpour, whose native language appears to be Insane Troll Logic.
• November 10, 2011: The Daily Show projects the winner of the 2012 Republican primary about three or four months before everyone else the night after the November 9 debate, which featured a huge gaffe by Rick Perry.
  Jon: Now, before we get into Rick Perry's now-infamous "ABC Wide World of Sports Agony of Defeat"-worthy brain turd—and believe me, we WILL get there—I would just like to start with a brief announcement: I'm calling the fight! Throw in the towel; it's over, it's done. Republicans, you had your chance. You didn't want Romney? Too bad! You are now stuck with Mitt Mothafuckin' Romney. Done. He is the winner. Romney wins; we're calling it tonight. It's over. "Indecision 2012: Mercy Rule Edition", because in presidential primaries, as in Little League, if one team is up 10-0 in the 3rd, you call it a day and you head over to Friendly's for some Fribble's...and some food poisoning.
  • How were they so sure that Romney would win at this point in the primary, with over half a dozen people still in the running?
    Jon: How bad is it at this point? (Beat) In our coverage of Romney's clinching debate, we need not even show you highlights of Romney, but merely the spontaneous combustion of his opponents.
• December 5, 2011: Jon's coverage involving the Pokemon Movie, including the Shellder Of Knowledge and "Thank you, magical Japanese cat-monster."
  • Specifically, Jon is discussing Herman Cain's quotation of lyrics from the end credits of Pokémon 2000. He then turns it around by finding an even more philosophical quote from the first movie, even identifying Mewtwo as a genetically-engineered psychic Pokemon, then says that, for Cain, a more appropriate line would be Slowking's "I could use pants" and correctly identifies its crown as a Shellder. He does though incorrectly refer to it being specifically the "Shellder of Knowledge", a phrase that has never been used in any Pokemon medium to refer to Slowking's crown, but Pokemon fans were laughing too much to get bothered by the details.
    • This also means that either Jon and his crew were Pokemon fans to begin with, or that they went through at least two of the movies looking for quotes specifically to use in that segment.
    • Or it could simply be the fact that staff members do have children around the right age to be Pokémon fans, and they absorbed it through having to sit through the fifth viewing in a week.
  • After Herman Cain withdrew, Newt Gingrich was very confident that he would be the nominee (another hilarious story for another time). This is why:
    Gingrich: [The other candidates] were the new kid on the block and "isn't this wonderful" and "boy, it'd be great if it worked out", and we don't know anything about them. I'm the guy who's been around forever.
    Jon: That's Newt Gingrich's pitch! "I'm the thing that has been in your pantry forev—you can try your newfangled Popped Tarts and your Eggoed Waffles, but if you look way back in there, there's a can of La Choy Baby Corn, a product that may or may not still be offered by the La Choy company; you don't remember buying it, yet you don't remember ever being without it. And now, you have no choice but to elect it president. "I'm Newt Gingrich and I approve this message."
• December 12, 2011: John Oliver suggests that Mitt Romney embrace his image.

2012

• January 19, 2012: John Oliver explains why the Chinese cannot win negotiations with Newt Gingrich. "Their culture is based on shame Jon, and Newt has none."
• Any time Jon does his impression of the former Queen of England.
• Jon Stewart goes progressively crazier and crazier over the Accidental Innuendo-laden rhetoric of Rick Santorum, especially as they're ass-puns, and he has a strong aversion to homosexual sex.
• February 14, 2012: Be amazed as Jon Stewart and Ricky Gervais quickly find themselves discussing the sexual life of pandas and get nuttier from there.
• February 16, 2012: Larry Wilmore theorizes that Jeremy Lin's success in basketball is revenge by the Asian-American community for Neil Degrasse Tyson's success in science.
• February 29, 2012: The interview with Masha Gessen gets a note if only because Masha Gessen is a completely perfect example of The Comically Serious, and takes seriously Jon's jokes.
• March 6, 2012: Jon sums up American politicians' opinions on Israel as either "I unequivocally support them, and might bomb Iran!" or "I unequivocally support them, and will definitely bomb Iran!".
• March 7, 2012: The "real" Leeroy Jenkins invades CNN's 2012 virtual Super Tuesday coverage.
  • Funnier still is how Jon completely loses it when Leeroy and his comrades come in. Through a pretty good chunk of the rest of the segment, he has an uncontrollable case of the giggles.
  Jon: I guarantee you... there's a dude right now watching TV that just had to change his pants.
• March 13, 2012: Will Ferrell comes in wearing a baseball helmet, riffing on Jon's earlier comment that "comedians don't wear helmets." The helmet completely derails the plug for Will's new movie; seriously, it's all they can talk about.
• March 29, 2012: Taiwanese. Animation. Of note is Jon's flustered reaction to "Chief Justice of Our Hearts" Cee 'Lo Green, the ice cream cone bribe, the statue of lady justice decapitating two senators, and shirtless Joe Biden punching a man in the face while laughing.
• April 4, 2012: As the Trayvon Martin case is simmering, Larry Wilmore urges everyone to take a Racist Timeout. That is, taking 5 minutes to refrain from making accusations about racism throughout the case.
• April 5, 2012: In the midst of the outrage at a $823000 government conference, a surprising moment of funny shared between Stewart and Bill O'Reilly (yes, you read that right).Can you make Bill O'Reilly pay $4.00 for a shrimp?
• May 31, 2012: Jon hates the fact he agrees with Tucker Carlson when he criticizes Michael Bloomberg's proposed ban on drinks larger than 16 oz.
• June 28, 2012: Herman Cain apologizes for killing Nicholas Cage in the most hilarious way possible!
• Back in the epic thrashing of CNBC in 2009, after illustrating the network's less than stellar(read completely false) financial advice that they give to their viewers, Jon said this about the financial market:
  Jon: See? It's not rocket science, people! (Beat) It's apparently alchemy.
• August 28, 2012: The brief segment in Part Two of John Oliver's coverage of the 2012 RNC, in which a shirtless surfer strides easily across the rocks and a skinny, suit-clad Englishman stumbles awkwardly behind him, gesturing with his microphone.
  • Judging from RNC chairman Reince Preibus' strange manner of speaking, Jon theorizes that Priebus' real name is "Ryan Peterson", but is always too drunk to say it right.
• August 29, 2012: Jon notes that the catchphrase of the Republican National Convention, "We Built It!", sounds less like a Badass Boast and more like Charlie Sheen's odd catchphrase "Winning!".
• August 31, 2012: Jon discovers the Fridge Brilliance in Clint Eastwood's strange debate against an empty chair representing President Barack Obama: there is a President Obama which only Republicans can see.
• September 6, 2012: Larry David narrates an Obama video on the stance that "it could have been worse". Pointing out there was no asteroid hitting the earth or zombie apocalypse.
  • Jon's frustration over Bill Clinton's overly long speech at the Democratic national convention.
    Jon: "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow," 'cause it's a half-hour away!
• September 7, 2012: Jon's reaction to Jennifer Granholm's over-the-top speech.
  Jon: (yelling and gesticulating) Holy shit! I can't believe it! In my estimation, that woman shouldn't be driving at all!
• September 18, 2012: The Moment of Zen is a clip from The Simpsons of Mr. Burns speaking to the Republican party, overdubbed with Mitt Romney's "47 percent" speech.
• September 26th, 2012: Patrick Stewart reveals that the Daily Show News team, emboldened by the NFL labor dispute, has gone on strike, and are being replaced by himself, Al Pacino, Glenn Close, and "the incomparable" Mandy Patinkin.
• October 8th, 2012: In response to Mitt Romney's plan to cut funding to PBS, and the Conservative Right's attack on Sesame Street, the Daily Show only has one response. Eight words—Wyatt Cenac, John Oliver, Jon Stewart...as Muppets!
• October 31, 2012: In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, Jon gives a monologue with Samantha Bee standing behind him offering a parodic sign language translation, parodying the expressive sign language translator present at a press conference held by Michael Bloomberg.
• November 1, 2012: A segment that aired during the week Hurricane Sandy struck New York was about the flooding of Ohio's television commercial breaks with political attack ads. The segment merged Hurricane Sandy and the storm of election attack ads into a single hybrid story.
• November 6, 2012: From the 2012 election coverage, we get Hologram George Washington!
• November 7, 2012: From the 2012 post-election episode, John mentions that Maine and Maryland had legalized gay marriage to no noise, but when he mentions that Colorado and Washington State legalized marijuana, the crowd goes wild. He looks at them with a "What the Hell?" look, then jots a note on his papers.
  Jon: Gay marriage: nothing. Marijuana: batshit crazy.
  • Jon's commentary on Karl Rove's meltdown when Obama's reelection was confirmed.
    Jon: Like when Truman Burbank discovered the world he was living in was not what it seemed, discovery would take a voyage.
• November 12, 2012: Jon brings up the affair former CIA director David Petraeus had with his biographer Paula Broadwell. He goes back to the original January 25, 2012 interview with Broadwell on the show (about the biography itself, no less), and notes that a lot of innocuous things that were said in the interview (and the title itself) have suddenly become Hilarious in Hindsight... while ragging on himself for missing it back then.
  Jon: And by the way—in case anyone out there thought I had actual journalist's instincts... I give you a quick snippet of the interview.
  • The opening to that segment expressed how a lot of viewers were feeling:
    Chris Wallace: The dramatic fall from grace of one of the most respected military men of this generation...
    Jon: Please don't be Captain America, please don't be Captain America...
    Wallace: ...CIA Director and retired four-star general David Petraeus stepped down Friday, after admitting to an extramarital affair.
    Jon: (dejectedly) It was Captain America!
    • Jon then tries to console himself with the idea that the affair (and its exposure) might have at least been exciting, involving a sexy Bond-girl-style spy with a suggestive name and/or "a man with saws for hands!" Nope. The FBI got suspicious about Broadwell's activity and read her emails.
• December 12, 2012: Jon and the Daily Show's entire "It's a Wonderful Life" spoof where he is shown "what the would be like if all holidays were treated equally": Jon would have had more friends, and been both the president and a quarterback!
  • Then Jon goes ballistic when Jessica Williams tells him that he's 5'6" in this timeline. Instead of 5'7".
  • What really makes the bit is how everyone else keeps trying to stick with the It's a Wonderful Plot, while Jon points out that it doesn't work when things are better.

2013

• January 8, 2013: Jon is somewhat bemused by the fact that NRA chairman Wayne LaPierre specifically blames the nearly 20-year old works Natural Born Killers and Mortal Kombat for the surge of mass shootings.
• January 21-24, 2013: Jon makes a running gag about Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, having thunder go off when his name is brought up, pretending that he's behind various schemes like impersonating Beyoncé and controlling the weather, and making numerous puns based on his name.
  • Tuiasasopo had become famous by impersonating a friend of a celebrity, whom said celebrity never had any direct contact with and allegedly came back from the dead. No wonder that the Pope abdicated.
• January 21, 2013: Larry Wilmore mocks those who co-opt Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., from pro-gun lobbyists to corporate commercials, and also criticizing Occupy Wall Street for shunning US representative John Lewis, a man who actually worked with Dr. King himself.
• Feb. 13, 2013: Jon mocks Marco Rubio's odd behavior during his state of the union rebuttal, going for water, extracting juice from fruit, eating crackers, taking a bite out of a submarine sandwich, and applying an absurd amount of lip balm.
  Jon: What?! You've never seen a show hosted by an aging French whore? Prudes! Pussies! Don't judge me! I judge you!
• Feb. 14, 2013's Moment of Zen—The Daily Show does its version of the Harlem Shake...sort of. Jon attempts to get the ball rolling, but after the cut, everyone disappears except for him. He looks around wondering where everyone went, and continues dancing anyway.
• Feb. 19, 2013: Jon makes mention of the recent Russian meteor incident. At one point, he was expecting a driver to just cuss out in Russian, only for him to not even be fazed. He comes to the conclusion that, in a place where women can rip off car bumpers with ease, helicopters, jets and tanks appear out of nowhere and cows can recover from a mass cow-tipping with just a "meh"...
  Jon: America may be fucked, but not as bad as these guys... [cue Yakkity Sax montage]
• Feb. 26, 2013: "Crazy Stupid Dov," where a New York assemblyman known for calling out public figures' anti-Semitic acts and statements got in trouble for blacking up to celebrate Purim. For more, Jon turns to the resident expert on Jewish holidays...Jessica Williams, who delivers a long screed^note complete with noisemaker to drown out Haman's name about how the true meaning of Purim is being trivialized and forgotten. A "War on Purim," if you will.
  Jessica: Where's the hamantashen? Where's the kreplach? Where's the booze?! Jon, Purim used to be about getting so f--ked up, you couldn't remember that the Persians tried to exteriminate the Jews! Now it's nothing but a Halloween party four months too late!... What's next, on Simhat Torah, they just read the Cliffs Notes and you're done? Hells no, not on my watch, Stewart! Not in my house!
  Jon: Somewhere, there is a rabbinical college laughing their asses off at this. Meanwhile we have an audience of Lutherans going, "I don't know... I thought they were gonna talk about the sequester."
• March 4, 2013: Jon notes how people are more upset with President Obama apparently mixing up Star Wars's "Jedi mind trick" and Star Trek's "Vulcan mind meld" by calling it a "Jedi mind meld" than the fact that John Boehner basically describing federal taxes as "stealing from the American people".
  • Jon mocks Dennis Rodman for describing Kim Jong-Un as "humble", but realizes that after working with Donald Trump on The Apprentice, Kim Jong-Un actually does seem humble by comparison.
• March 6, 2013: In anticipation of Neil deGrasse Tyson's return (who pointed out on his last visit that the globe on the opening graphic was spinning the wrong way), they use a different, low-tech intro, involving a globe stand spun by hand (in the correct direction, even), a shot of the street outside, and a mug in place of the logo.
  • Then, when Neil comes in, he points out that the globe is spinning too fast, and they could have just run the graphic backwards.
• April 2, 2013: When it's revealed that a photo of North Korea's naval forces was in fact Photoshopped, Jon says "That doesn't like Photoshop, that looks like MS Paint. Windows 95 slam!", only to cause a Blue Screen of Death that goes away after Jon says that Windows 95 was groundbreaking, complete with Windows 95 login theme.
• April 3, 2013: In response to Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert's incomprehensible rambling argument comparing gun control with bestiality, Jon asks "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND THE ANIMAL FUCKING?!".
• April 9, 2013: Jessica Williams' coverage of the decline of pubic lice. Featuring cameos by John Waters and Amy Mann, a fake ad advocating for the protection of lice (à la Sarah McLachlan's ads for the SPCA, and the digs at Brooklyn and Baltimore.
• April 11, 2013: Aasif Mandvi talking about the NCAA: "College athletes: They're princes of their schools and enjoy everything from the love of enthusiastic coaches to all the attention they get when they twist their poor little ankle...out of their skin." Referring, of course, to Mike Rice and Kevin Ware. Another highlight of that segment is the end, when Aasif's intern Eric concludes that the NCAA are "kinda douchebags."
  • Pointing out that while "racist Islamophobes" and asbestos manufacturers have willingly submitted to interviews with him, the NCAA won't do anything more than issue a statement, which he gets Eric the intern to read over the phone.
  • During the same episode, Larry Wilmore tears apart Rand Paul's lecture at Howard University, in which he wondered how the GOP's been losing the African-American vote for the last 50 years, pointing out that they willfully alienated black voters by appealing to the "Dixiecrats"^note Southern Democrats opposing the Civil Rights Movement. "You can't just walk out for 40 to 50 years, and then sashay back into Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles saying 'Hey, Party of Lincoln's back!'."
• April 22, 2013: While showing CNN's coverage of the manhunt for the Boston Marathon bombers, they show a clip of a CNN correspondent describing how eerie it is that the streets of Boston are empty during lockdown, saying "it's as though a bomb had dropped". Cue epic Facepalm by Jon.
  Jon: That's not so much a metaphor as what actually happened.
• April 24, 2013: A Fox News anchor starts worrying that because the Boston Marathon bombing suspect has been read his Miranda rights, it apparently means there's no way to stop any more attacks he may have planned.
  Jon: Okay, first of all, not reading someone their Miranda rights doesn't mean they don't have their Miranda rights. You have Miranda rights under the Constitution, you don't have to say them out loud for them to become "real". You're thinking of Beetlejuice.
  • The rest of the segment, which calls out how Fox News wants to throw out Constitutional rights to fight terrorism...except The Right To Bear Arms.
    Jon: God help us, if the Muslims ever decide... to form a well-regulated militia. We'll have no way to stop them.
• May 9, 2013: "Stay Out of School": At about 2:55, Aasif Mandvi asks a career advisor to "jazz up a little bit" his advice to teenagers... and he does.
  Aasif Mandvi: You know, I have to be honest, you're kinda awesome at that.
  Marty Nemko: That's why I do the work I do; I love it.
  • Earlier:
    Marty Nemko: They end up doing jobs they could have done straight out of high school, like selling extended warranties. Or they are bartenders.
    Aasif Mandvi: Wow, I always assumed they had a bartending major.
    Marty Nemko: That thing's called English literature.
  • Then he brings in two non-college-educated thugs to scare kids out of college (fun fact: one of the thugs was New Jack):
    "Wassup, Einsteins! Why're you smiling?"
    "I'll break your nips off!"
    "Student loans are like herpes with compound interest!"
• May 20, 2013: The entire segment about how smoking crack is Canada's national pastime.
  Jon: Jason, that's an awful lot of crack you've got there.
  Jason Jones: Well, I've got three kids at home, John. And they all smoke crack.
  • And then they get to the blowjobs.
• June 6, 2013: Jon throws to the Moment of Zen one last time before his hiatus...except John Oliver hijacked it to shove a bunch of Jon's pens down his pants. It then cuts back to Jon, who had been chewing on one of them.
• June 10, 2013: Covering the NSA scandal, John Oliver goes to the news team for some site coverage...but the news team is miffed that John was picked to be the guest host over them, and they spend their time taking shots at him instead. Jason sounds like he's covering the scandal at first, but his true intention is revealed later on, Samantha complains about a foreigner being chosen over her (conveniently forgetting that she's Canadian), Jessica remarks about the glass ceiling, Al flees to Hong Kong to safely tell John to fuck himself, and Aasif mentions that Buzzfeed quickly put up a "27 Worst Moments of John Oliver's first Six Minutes" article, and gets the hashtag #johnoliverblewagreatdane trending.
• June 12, 2013: On Lewis Black's segment, John Oliver mentions that Lewis had a good point partway through Lewis' speech. Lewis looks over at John, stares for a bit, and asks, "Who the fuck are you?".
• June 17, 2013: John Oliver reaches an epiphany about dealing with Sarah Palin: "Wait a second, we can just ignore her!"
• June 18, 2013: When a Professional Wrestling debate on immigration attacks John Oliver, John takes it personal, rips off his sleeves and challenges Zeb Colter to bring it—but he's not quite got the requisite muscle mass, so there's only one thing to do. Bring in Mick Foley.
  Foley: You come here next week—
  Oliver: Yeah. You come here next week. And we will take these chairs, these cold steel chairs—!
  Foley: And we will unfold them!
  Oliver: We will unfold them, yes we will, and we will sit down. And we will discuss the complexities of immigration reform with you!
• June 20, 2013: John Oliver opens up with a segment on Paula Deen and her admitting to have used the N word. Amongst the commentary, he makes comments about her unhealthy cooking, like the N word couldn't have been "non fat". The segment might even be called "Fried & Prejudice".
  • Followed by Jessica Williams figuring that Paula Deen would be diagnosed with Type One(inherited)or Type Two Racism (adult on set after being exposed to Dixie nostalgia)and reporting that Paula can reduce her racist expressions with a "N*ggerette" patch. She ends the segment with jokes about Paula's cooking and eating habits.
    Oh please, Paula Deen's racism isn't hurting black people as much as her recipes.
• June 25, 2013: George Zimmerman's lawyer opens with a joke, making sure to add a disclaimer prior to the joke that Zimmerman did not come up with said joke and that the attorney, and the attorney alone, should be considered responsible for it should the jury find it reprehensible. If that sentence alone sounded too legal for you, you may not love this knee-slapper by John Oliver:
  The following joke (hereafter referred to as the "Joke") is provided solely to amuse and entertain the intended listener. The Joke-teller expressly denies any liability resulting from any offense, embarrassment, pain, and/or suffering raised by said Joke.
  Paragraph II: The Joke
  This Joke hereby provides notice to you that a rabbi and a priest, pursuant to an oral agreement, jointly purchase a car (hereafter referred to as the "Automobile"). After the said purchase, the rabbi witnesses the priest sprinkling water on the Automobile and asks, "What are you doing?" The priest allegedly responded that he was blessing the Automobile (although the description of this statement is not intended to prove the truth of the matter asserted nor to endorse the existence or effectiveness of a blessing). The rabbi replied, "OK, since we're doing that," and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tailpipe.
  The Joke-teller reserves full rights concerning the repetition, dissemination and modification of said Joke. *drops mike* I'm out of here.
• June 27, 2013: In response to Rep. Louie Gohmert's assertion that the repeal of DOMA goes against the laws of nature, John Oliver gives us this:
  Oliver: Really? If your brain—if your brain can't process God's creatures enjoying different kinds of sex, you don't want to bring nature into this, because nature is where dogs hump each other in the face (video of exactly this pops up).
• July 17, 2013: Texas governor Rick Perry makes commercials urging businesses to move to Texas, but when he disparages New York City, Lewis Black makes his own rebuttal commercial. "Don't mess with Texas? No, don't fuck with New York!".
• July 24, 2013: Anthony Weiner gets caught texting a picture of his penis again, this time, using the alias "Carlos Danger," leading John Oliver to say "Danger... is my user name.", also starting a Running Gag where John dances and plays the song "Danger (Been So Long)" by rapper Mystikal whenever "Carlos Danger" gets mentioned.
  • Larry Wilmore explains how hard it is for black and white Americans to discuss race because both view race completely differently.
    Larry Wilmore: John, we can't have a conversation when we're not even on the same page. Or even in the same book!
    John Oliver: True. Or even in the same library, no?
    Larry: You're not supposed to talk in the library, John. Or maybe that's how they do it in the white libraries.
• July 31, 2013: John Oliver goes nuts when Anthony Weiner tries to compare his shaming to 9/11.
  Oliver: You are NOT 9/11-ing your dick pix!?
  • After San Diego mayor Bob Filner gets sued by several women for sexual harassment, John brings on an "Eww-Ometer" that measures the sickness of Filner's actions/statements. It breaks down from the extreme depravity.
• August 6, 2013: John Oliver realizes that with 42% of retiring US representatives and 50% of retiring US senators becoming lobbyists compared to 3% in 1973, Congress is much less morally upright now than during Watergate.
• August 8, 2013: The Big Bank Fury
  • When John Oliver is rejoicing that the big banks involved in the economic crisis will now get what they deserve, we get this.
  Oliver: How many people are going to jail? And just for the sake of simplicity, round it up to the nearest hundred.
  Joe Johns: This is a civil suit, so no one's going to jail.
  (Oliver, in a state of Tranquil Fury, pops one of the balloons on his desk)
  • Also because of that, Oliver won't get to release white doves from a box, but finds out they're all dead. It turns out they committed suicide. The note they left just tops it.
    "To whom ever finds us. The lack of Wall Street accountability is complete bullshit. We can't go on. Love, the doves."
• August 14, 2013: John Oliver's whole interview with Regis Philbin, discussing their childhood sports while Regis wonders what cricket is all about.
  • Also, when asking Regis about the new Fox Sports 1 network, he asks if Fox will do to sports what they did to news.
    Oliver: They're going to blame everything on the White House? The Eagles lost today because of Obamacare?
  • Oliver also complaining about the lack of people currently buying newspapers and the rise of rich moguls buying and owning the newspaper companies.
    Oliver: So basically, there are now more people buying newspapers than buying newspapers.
  • The entire bit with "deranged millionaire" John Hodgman, with his idea of printing three editions of his newspeper catering to the three biggest Internet demographics: liberals, conservatives and viewers of cat videos.
    Left-Wing Headline: Obama Empowers Proletariat with WIFI.
    Right-Wing Headline: Black Hitler Wastes Taxpayer Money. Again.
    Cat Headline: Meow-bama Can Haz Internetz?
  • When Oliver tells Hodgman that the Spanish-American War came about because William Randolph Hearst wanted to sell papers, he asks him if he wants to go back to that era again. Hodgman gives him a Blunt "Yes" and shows him tomorrow's headline "War with Spain!", as well as the cat headline "Rememberz the Meow-ne!".
• August 15, 2013: In John Oliver's last show as guest host, all the correspondents, including former correspondents Rob Riggle and Wyatt Cenac, trash John's performance over the summer.
  • In his summary of events that occurred over the summer, John recalls how gay bars protested Russia's anti-gay campaigns by pouring Russian liquor into gutters.
    Oliver: A powerful stand against homophobia and for drunk sewer gators.
• September 3rd, 2013: Jon Stewart returns from his time off. He got too in touch with his roots, so John Oliver, Jessica Williams and Stephen Colbert have to work together to make him more palatable as an american. It involves cheeseburgers with defibulators, a bat, lightsabers, and various other things, and sends Jon through various other phases.
• September 4th, 2013 Jon Stewart gets to meet "Carlos Danger". Turns out that dancing to the song is an involuntary reflex.
• September 5th, 2013: Jon introduces everyone to Sir Archibald Mapsalot III, played by John Oliver, the Englishman who arbitrarily drew the lines on the Middle Eastern map without any thought about the people living there, satirizing the damaging long-term effects of the Sykes-Picot Agreement.
• September 11th, 2013: Jon Stewart speaks of winning NYC mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio and his biracial family, particularly his teenage son who has a huge afro, and out of nowhere sprouts a massive afro himself.
  Jon: How did he do that? Just by watching him it just sprouted. It's...it's so beautiful.
  • After Anthony Weiner's defeat, John Oliver refuses to do the "Carlos Danger" dance anymore, but when he relents, he does so at a super-slow speed.
  • Samantha Bee and guests Bob Odenkirk and David Cross skewer Michele Bachmann, Louis Gohmert and Steve King's speech on Egyptian TV, apologizing for sending America's 3 stupidest people to Egypt.
• September 17, 2013: The entirety of Jon's interview with Jake Gyllenhaal.
  • His use of Insane Troll Logic when it came to CNN's botched coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing. He responded to an "apology" by CNN's president by interpreting that his apology was saying that CNN doesn't care what they do because the audience will keep coming back, and then interprets that by saying that the audience is in an abusive relationship with CNN.
    Jon: And it's time we kicked those bastards to the curb because we have to remember this network was created by Ted Turner, not Ike Turner.
• September 25, 2013: After Texas senator Ted Cruz likens Obamacare to Green Eggs and Ham, a story about a man who hates something before he even tries it (and when he finally tries it, he loves it), Jon reads the little-known Dr. Seuss story The Bore-ax.
  • Also, when Stewart tells Cruz that he admits Obamacare is not perfect, just like everything Congress makes.
    Stewart: You ask them to design a puppy, you get something with no face, two assholes and a semiautomatic machine gun for a tail.
• September 30, 2013: During the interview, Bill O'Reilly picks up the coffee mug like he's going to drink it, stops, checks inside the mug, and switches it with Jon's.
  • Also from September 30th, on commenting that the Republicans are acting immature when they threaten to shut down the government if the President does not comply to their demands on a bill that was passed legally and fairly in accordance with the current system of law, he offers to put it to them another way. Cue the classic clip of Willy Wonka saying "You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!".
  • He also compared the shutdown to the Giants responding to a 31 to 7 loss by demanding 25 more points or they'd shut down the league, before commenting that it would be great if the Republicans had the maturity and problem-solving ability of football players.
  • Oh, one other tidbit from September 30—Republicans love the U.S. Constitution SO MUCH that the majority of them carry a copy with them always. So imagine Republican Senator Phil Gingrey's embarrassment when he reaches into his breast pocket and can't find his. Whoops.
    Jon: (looks diligently through his breast pocket) Hold on, hold on. I got-I got-wait, that's my weed, I got my weed...I got-I got a couple'a rubbers here, I go—*jerks hand out* AH!! Son-of-a-bitch, that's the monitor lizard I use in there to guard my copy of the Constitution! *reaches back in* I think I got some Band-Aids in there a—SON-OF-A-BITCH, he bit me again!
• October 3, 2013: Jon returns to Bullshit Mountain, comparing the Republican party to Navin Johnson from The Jerk in how they claim they don't need any federal government except for the few things they themselves want.
• October 8, 2013: Jason Jones tries to interview a GOP spokeswoman on why Obamacare is bad, but, annoyed with her meaningless answers, he just walks out. But he meets with a hostage negotiator, who gives him some advice about how best to approach her, both in-person and over an earpiece. And when the spokeswoman gives the same empty rhetoric responses, even the negotiator gets annoyed with her.
  • During the same segment, when the spokeswoman says Obamacare was the worst thing to happen in American history, Jason grabs his megaphone and says:
    Jason: Do you remember fucking slavery?!
  • Bonus points: this same spokeswoman was interviewed previously by Aasif Mandvi in October 2011, in which she she said that global warming was a massive conspiracy since only scientists can draw conclusions about it.
• October 22, 2013: The Moment of Zen is a clip of a college-aged Karl Rove being interviewed about the importance of youth voter outreach.
• October 23, 2013: Mandvi interviews GOP chairman Don Yelton from North Carolina who all but admits that the new state voting laws are designed to suppress Democratic and black voters. At one point:
  Yelton: And now you have a black person uses the term n*** this and n*** that, and it's OK for them to do it.
  Mandwi: ...You know that we can hear you, right?...
  • The next day, the chairman resigned from his position.
• October 24, 2013: Jon discusses how press secretary Jay Carney left out past tense when he said the NSA wasn't spying on the German chancellor.
  Jon: By the way, that joke was brought to you by grammar. Grammar—grammar, it's the rules what make your mouth feel dumb.
  • In the same episode, Jon discusses a White House staffer who was caught after 2 years making inappropriate comments about the government on a secret Twitter account.
    Jon: You can tap the German chancellor's phone, but Bitchy McSnarkington was 3 cubicles away and no one knew what was going on?
  • During the same segment, Jon theorizes how German chancellor Angela Merkel got wiretapped in the first place: George W. Bush planted it on her during his infamous attempt at giving her a back massage in 2005.
• November 7, 2013: Most of Jon's interview with Patrick Stewart was on the picture Patrick posted on Twitter for Halloween.
• November 13, 2013: Jon's rant on Chicago-style or "deep dish" pizza.
  Jon: Here's how I know I'm right: You call it "Chicago-style pizza", you call it "deep dish pizza", "stuffed pizza". You know what we call it? Huh? You know what we call this? [takes out New York-style pizza] You know what we call this? "Pizza."
• November 14, 2013: Everything having to do with the never-ending Humiliation Conga of Rob Ford, including:
  • Ford claims he still has a zero-tolerance policy for drugs and gangs in the city of Toronto
    Jon: I'm sorry, did you say zero-tolerance for drugs, or Jim Morrison-like high tolerance?
  • Jon interpreting the eight-second pause Mayor Ford takes before answering the Toronto City Council's questions on whether he took drugs as Ford milking the time he had for game show-esque drama, complete with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?-esque answers.
    Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong: Have you purchased illegal drugs in the last two years?
    (answers appear)
    A) Yes, I have
    B) Yes, I have
    C) Of course I have
    D) Yes, I have
  • In a spectacular inversion of Children Are Innocent, Jon demands that parents wake up their children ("I don't care if they have school tomorrow!") so they can witness Rob Ford's spectacularly failed attempt at crossing the line twice with his "enough to eat at home" comment.
    Jon: Somewhere, in a basement, through his tears, Anthony Weiner is going, "What the fuck?!"
  • Neil Degrasse Tyson, Science Buzzkill.
• November 19, 2013: Jon's interview with Bill Cosby is packed with all kinds of hilarious stories by Bill.
  • Jessica Williams gets Canadians to play a game of "Who Said It?" using quotes by Toronto mayor Rob Ford and Charlie Sheen. You'll be surprised with who said what.
• November 20, 2013: Because Jon's rant on Chicago-style/deep dish pizza angered Chicagoans, The Daily Show airs a segment titled "New York Pizza is Magic" featuring Matthew Broderick and Steve Buscemi, which explains why they love New York-style pizza, and Jon invites Chicago pizza maker Marc Malnati for a slice of deep dish pizza, negotiating a truce and bonding in their loathing of California-style pizza.
  Steve Buscemi: Oh, you don't believe in magic? Maybe that's not magic's problem. Maybe that's your fucking problem!
• December 4, 2013: Samantha Bee keeps getting turned down at various news sources when she tries to get information out about the Blackstone loans scandal. It goes from the New York Times to Buzzfeed to getting a weather anchor to deliver it in front of a green-screened thunderstorm. Finally, it all leads up to making a YouTube video with kittens. And when THAT doesn't work, she makes a parody of Wrecking Ball.
• December 10, 2013: When a news report appears saying that milk can cost $7 per gallon if Congress doesn't pass a bill, Jon does a Spit Take with milk and proceeds to covet the milk in his suitcase, calling it "precious white gold".
  • Jon's sheer disbelief at John McCain comparing Obama shaking hands with Raul Castro to Neville Chamberlain shaking hands with Hitler.
• December 11, 2013: Jon's reaction to a female Republican referring to "compromise" as "the C-word", rather than another C-word.
  • "Budget Battle: The Movie", complete with Reginald VelJohnson humorously reprising his role of Sgt. Al Powell.
• December 12, 2013: Jon calls Megyn Kelly's statement "Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable, doesn't mean it has to change." "the official slogan" of oppression... and Arby's.
• December 18th, 2013: The whole interview with Steve Carell, Will Ferrell, David Koechner and Paul Rudd.
• December 19th, 2013: In John Oliver's last show as a Daily Show correspondent, after showing a montage of some of John's funniest moments, Jon and John do the "Carlos Danger" dance.

2014

• January 7th, 2014: The entire first segment on Colorado's legalization of pot.
• January 8th, 2014: After a scandal involving a bridge in New Jersey leaks, Jon turns to the New Jersey correspondent—himself! He then puts on an exaggerated Jersey accent and teaches them about how normal corruption is much worse than that.
  • During the same episode, Aasif Mandvi pokes fun at the Misaimed Marketing by both Democrats for Obamacare and Republicans against it.
• January 13th, 2014: Jon's mad about pizza again, this time at NYC mayor-elect Bill DiBlasio, who ate his pizza with a fork and knife. At one point, Jon almost cracks up when he mistakenly says "You of all pizza!" instead of "You of all people!".
• January 14th, 2014: The incredibly bizarre one-woman-show with Samantha Bee and Fox News's panel show The Five, mostly because of the Large Ham skills that she possesses.
  Samantha: Big fucking mistake, Bob. How 'bout I take your suspenders and hang you by your balls?
• January 22th, 2014: Larry Wilmore hosts the "Wilmore Awards", recognizing outstanding achievement in breaking down racial barriers nobody was asked to break.
• January 27th, 2014: When Fox News pundit Sean Hannity threatens to move out of New York, feeling like he doesn't belong anymore, various New Yorkers, including Nathan Lane, Tim Gunn, and the cast of Jersey Boys, implore for him to stay. In the end, Nathan Lane admits he personally doesn't care what Hannity does.
• January 29th, 2014: The entire rant about NY1, especially if you live in New York, after NY Congressman Michael Grimm was caught on camera threatening a NY1 reporter.
  • Not commented on the show, but still pretty funny, was the fact that the reporter in question actually turned out to be the nephew of a retired crime boss. Oops.
• February 3rd, 2014: After a lackluster handling of snow in January, NYC Mayor-elect Bill DiBlasio redeems himself by practically turning Downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn into tropical paradises, according to Samantha Bee and Jessica Williams, though Uptown Manhattan is still buried as Aasif Mandvi attests.
  • Later, in the interview, he admits that he could have done a better job of carrying snow to the upper east side.
  • Jon teachers Mayor DiBlasio how to eat pizza New York-style, after he got caught eating with a fork and knife (see January 13th). When he remembers that Michael Bloom is no longer mayor, Jon gets some Big Gulps for himself and Mayor DiBlasio.
• February 4th, 2014: Patrick Stewart plays China's "Jade Rabbit" moon rover, reciting its last words after it broke down on the Moon's surface.
• February 5th, 2014: During Jason Jones' segment on attack ads getting involved in small town elections, he more or less reenacts the song "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man in real life. It must be seen to be believed.
• February 10th, 2014: Jason Jones tours Russia, dismayed by the lack of animosity by Russians towards Americans, which culminates in a meeting with Mikhail Gorbachev himself, in which he asks if he'd be interested in rebuilding the Berlin Wall.
• February 12th, 2014: Jason Jones discusses Gay Rights with a Russian official and somehow ends up being told to have sex with a table by said official. Also an old Russian lady quotes Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
• February 18th, 2014: After the Michael Dunn verdict, Jessica Williams offers her opinion of the Stand Your Ground defense:
  Jessica: Stand Your Ground is like bleach: it works miracles for whites, but it will ruin your colors. (Mic Drop)
• February 19th, 2014: Jason Jones continues his investigation of Russia, and finds it's everything American conservatives could want: anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-immigration, anti-abortion, pro-guns and pro-Christianity. He then caps off his segment with a clip from The Simpsons episode "Last Exit to Springfield" of Homer Simpson saying "If you don't like it, go to Russia!" after different clips of conservatives complaining about Obama.
• February 24th, 2014: Jason Jones wraps up his reports on Russia, describing it as a testing ground for Jackass. At one point, Jason is befuddled by a Russian woman who doesn't think of "roofing" (jumping from roof to roof) as being particularly dangerous.
  • Larry Wilmore retorts Andrew Napolitano's assertion that if Abraham Lincoln left the South alone, slavery would have died a natural death, saying "The South was so committed to slavery Lincoln didn't die from natural causes!"
• February 25th, 2014: Jon pokes fun at Mexican drug baron El Chapo, whose alias translates to "Corn Porridge" from Spanish.
• March 6th, 2014: Barack Obama:weak, mom-jean-wearing dictator king. Also, after a conservative says that Putin reminds him of his mother, Jon cross-dresses as Norma Bates.
  • Aasif Mandvi interviews an anti-Obamacare spokesman, who insists that America already has the greatest healthcare system in the world. So, Aasif describes a third-world state with terrible healthcare, before revealing it is, in fact, Knoxville, Tennessee. The spokesman seems to shut down trying to take this in.
• March 11th, 2014: The entire post-interview game show segment, The Weakest Lincoln, with judge Andrew Napolitano's answers to questions about Lincoln, the Civil War and slavery constantly being shot down by the judging panel of history professors.
• March 13th, 2014: Jon Stewart spawns a meme called "#McConnelling", which is overdubbing a Mitch McConnell campaign commercial with any song.
• March 25th, 2014: Jon has Jessica Williams pretend to be Putin so they can discuss why Putin should not take Crimea. Putin!Jessica declares it's too late, Crimea is hers, and then casually annexes Jon's desk.
  Putin!Jessica: This is nice desk. Wow. Hey, Putin want desk. Putin want desk. 97% of people say take desk, so I take desk.
  Jon: Oh, oh, um, okay.
  Putin!Jessica: Thank you.
  Jon: You can't do that, though.
  Putin!Jessica: Yes I can, I'm Putin. Desk is Putin's desk now!
  Jon: Ok first of all I didn't notice you were as tall as me sitting down
  Putin!Jessica: I am large woman. Really, I am large woman.
  Jon: That's somewhat upsetting, even more than the taking of my land. This is my land though, this is my desk.
  Putin!Jessica: Well, historically is Putin's desk.
• March 26th, 2014: Samantha Bee brings back her off-the-wall one woman show to discuss Morning Joe.
  • Jon's interview with Jude Law, discussing facial hair and London landmarks.
• April 10th, 2014:
  • In response to advertisements showing Republican politicians shooting up charters they don't agree with, Jason Jones, as "Wilshire Jessup", does his own ad in which he tears an Obamacare charter, parodying the torture scene from Reservoir Dogs.
  • When discussing Colbert's move to CBS to take over The Late Show, after rolling the infamous corpsing clip from the Prince Charles scandal, Jon has this to say:
    Jon: By the way, we spent all day looking up old stuff on the Internet of Stephen, it's really fun. [Beat, while the audience cackles] Uh. [clears throat] I mean working. We were working.
• April 30, 2014:
  • Talking about employees at the IRS owing back taxes to the IRS, Jon proposes an IIRS to police the IRS, and an IIIRS to police the IIRS, and so on, until he goes deep and rambles on with a psychedelic background appearing.
  • Michael Grimm, New York's Congressman who'd previously been caught threatening a reporter on camera back in January, gets arrested for numerous corruption charges, which include perjury, obstruction of justice, while managing a green food restaurant. Jon performs how he believes the corruption went down, Goodfellas style, even though they use the theme from The Godfather.
• May 1, 2014: Jon checks in with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and does an unbelievably elaborate waltz with a Spit Take. By the time he learns that Ford will seek re-election despite admitting himself to rehab, Jon sits there for a Beat, drinks a sip of water and spits it out in disgust.
  • When Jon first learns that Ford is entering rehab, he admits that it was right at the top of the list of things he never expected to happen. Said list includes "Baby President", "Jersey Named Best-Smelling State", "Cats Unionize" and "Boehner and Pelosi Make Out".
• May 5, 2014: Jordan Klepper meets the spokespersons for South Carolina senator Lindsay Graham and his GOP primary challengers, who all accuse each other of not being a "true" conservative.
• May 20, 2014: After it's believed that a Phillies player got sick from eating NYC-based Shake Shack burgers, Jon goes into a humorous tirade about Philly cheesesteaks.
• June 16, 2014: Jon summarizes John McCain's entire philosophy as "Be everywhere, forever."
  • "Middle Eastern Politics: A Love Story", hilariously satirizing the shaky state of relations between America and Middle East nations.
• June 19, 2014: Talking about absurd legal matters, Jon goes to introduce the new segment, and is run through the usual Double Entendre titles... at least until the second-to-last one, which drops the indirectness entirely and is named "Jon Stewart Pulls Down Your Pants and Touches Your Penis".
  Jon: That's not even a legal pun...
• June 24, 2014: The IRS's email troubles--honest incompetence or deliberate stupidity? We're not sure, but it makes great comedy.
  "Well, first Congress had to fill out form, uh, 1218a-sub-ez, that is an email requisition form for our records; then we throw that form into a room filled with chimps. Then—then what we did is, we trained the chimps to read. So things were looking good. That's when, unfortunately, the chimps...unionized."
• July 21, 2014: Jon satirizes the fiercely pro-Israel bias in mainstream media by starting to talk about Israel, only to be immediately shouted down by the correspondents, being called a "self-loathing Jew" at one point. After Jon points out that being critical of Israel doesn't mean supporting Hamas, he gets shouted down for ignoring the plight of the Palestinian people. He decides to just Change the Uncomfortable Subject.
• July 23, 2014: Jon plays a video while screaming and holding a severed head in response to the "chaos" over an Affordable Care Act ruling. Fun begins at 3:25.
• August 26, 2014: As Fox News pundits (nearly all of whom are white) complain about how race is being discussed during the Ferguson crisis, one pundit claims the only people who talk about race are racists, leading Jon to ask "Did you just 'he who smelt it, dealt it!' racism?"
• September 22, 2014: Jon lecturing the House Committee of Science and Technology how global warming works with a glass of water and a bucket of ice.
• October 7, 2014: Because Jon fell sick, Jason Jones has to fill in as host, though things become complicated when Jason's wife Samantha Bee tries to take over starting in the second segment.
• October 8, 2014: Kristen Schaal satirizes Republican ads aimed at women, which liken Republican nominees to wedding dresses.
• October 16, 2014: Jessica Williams heads to Kansas, discovers that even old white guys like state Senator Wint Winter Jr. aren't necessarily fans of Sam Brownback running the state into the ground, and reaches the obvious conclusion:
  Williams: Are you sure you're a Republican?
  Winter: I'm a Republican.
  Williams: Because you don't sound like one. Name three hip-hop artists; Eminem does not count.
  Winter: Tupac, uh, would be one.
  Williams: Mm-hmm.
  Winter: And then, uh, there's...um...and, uh...
  Williams: You're taking too long.
  Winter: Uh, there's several others.
  Williams: Okay, you're a Republican.
• October 29, 2014: Al Madrigal addresses the Texan stance on immigration, which entails an interview with a sheriff who seems profoundly misinformed. This is capped off by Madrigal baiting the sheriff into making points against immigrants...and turns his points into the inscription on the Statue of Liberty. Starts at 3:29.
• November 4, 2014: Jon comments that other news channels' panels all have everyone sitting next to each other, and introduces the show's new panel, The Stack, where the panelists are sitting on another's lap.
• November 5, 2014: When John Cleese discovers the cover of his memoir So, Anyways... had his lower face cut off, Cleese tears it off and throws it away.
• November 13, 2014: Jon tries to discuss the film Rosewater, though as the film's director, he doesn't feel comfortable discussing it himself, so he summons John Oliver to be the guest host by rubbing a Queen Elizabeth teapot. It gets better: when Jon proceeded to (hilariously) make an ass of himself while Oliver interviewed Jones and Greenberg, Oliver summarily kicked him off set, then cheerfully admitted that he only got away with it because he didn't actually work there any more. It was hilarious.
• December 2, 2014: Larry Wilmore is brought on to discuss the Ferguson protests, and plays a clip of Bill O'Reilly stating that the protests set back race relations. His reply is overlaid with images of O'Reilly, Goldman-Sachs HQ, the Pumpkin Riot that happened in New Hampshire of that year, and Nickelback.
  Wilmore: You know, I have a dream, Jon, that one day, the actions of a handful of a few sh*{beep)*y white people as discrediting their entire race.
• December 9, 2014: Jon states that the CIA torture report is "the Frozen of...torture reports," complete with a picture of Olaf being tortured by the CIA.
• December 10, 2014:
  • Jon tries to decide between covering Prince William & Kate's visit to New York City and the aftermath of the Senate's torture report. He uses a variety of random methods to decide, starting with a coin flip, then drawing a specific card from a deck, and finally guessing the exact number of jellybeans in a jar held by Jordan. Jon intentionally guesses an extremely low number, but Jordan declares the guess correct and forces Jon to cover the Senate report.
  • Jon is upset by the full revelations about how the CIA tortured terror suspects since September 11th, until John McCain, who had been tortured as a POW during the Vietnam War, delivers a moving speech condemning torture, leading to a Slow Clap montage from such films as Citizen Kane, The Dark Knight, Rudy, Amadeus, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, and of course Independence Day.
• December 11, 2014: Jessica Williams discusses Prince William and Princess Kate's visit to America, which she believes was actually about looking for a Token Black Friend.

2015

• January 12, 2015: After the Charlie Hebdo terrorist attacks in Paris, Jason Jones, Jessica Williams and Hasan Minhaj act as "Condemnologists", apologizing for the wrongdoings of other people of their backgrounds, though Hasan is forced to overemphasize his apologies, skewering how Muslim communities are always mandated to apologize even though other peoples aren't.
  • Jon proposes an initiative to save the endangered guinea worm.
• January 20, 2015: When Jon learns that South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham is considering running for President in 2016, he brings in a jazz band to celebrate the joke potential.
• February 11, 2015: The day after announcing his retirement from the show, Jon reacts to the internet and media reaction to the announcement by gently deflating the outpouring of histrionics:
  So I was looking at the internet earlier, and... Did I die?
  • It's the tone of polite confusion he says the last three words with that really sells it.
• March 23, 2015: When senator Ted Cruz announced his plans to run for president in 2016, Jon is puzzled by the fact that Cruz rehearsed kissing with his wife for his announcement, until Jason Jones and Samantha Bee inform him they rehearse their kisses too, which they demonstrate by licking their chins and sucking on their elbows.
• March 24, 2015:
  • Celebrating a change of a ridiculous rule by Veteran's Affairs, Jon pulls out a guitar and strums it... only for an off-timed guitar riff to play longer than he was expecting. He strums it again, only for a steel drum beat to play. He strums it one more time, and when a voice saying "guitar sound" plays, Jon gives up and puts the guitar away.
  • While discussing income inequality among women, Kristen Schaal inadvertently looks into the wrong camera, when talking about the sexist and systemic wage gaps preventing female workers from being given the same salaries as men, briefly Corpsing when she realizes and turns to the camera aimed at her ("There you are!"). Later in the same segment, she accidentally mispronounces "systemic" (sys-TEM-ic) as "sys-tem-IC".
    Jon: You could say the "system-IC" or "sys-TEM-ic".
    Kristen: Both of them, gross!
    Jon: It's barbar...
    Kristen: -IC!
• April 7, 2015:
  • Hasan demonstrates how some House Republicans would have dealt with US-Iran nuclear negotiations—two minutes of acting out gunfire, lightsaber duels, fighting game moves, Transformers, and jetpacks.
  • Former Representative J. C. Watts flubs his speech and announces the call to elect Rand Paul as the next United States of America. Yes, not just the President, but the country itself. The picture of Paul's face stretched over the USA map that follows is equally hilarious and horrifying.
• April 13, 2015: Bassem Youssef returns, being humorously disappointed with Jon because he picked Trevor Noah as his successor instead of him. He then tries to explain the state of Middle Eastern affairs by likening it to March Madness brackets, only with the US with a bye in the finals. Who'd ultimately win the tournament? The tournament organizers, Military Contractors and Manufacturers (MCAM).
• April 28, 2015: As Hasan Minhaj tries to interview congressmen working on prison reform, Trevor Noah suddenly appears and tries to coach him in his interviewing skills, much to his frustration.
• May 27, 2015: Jon lambastes the news outlets declaring each current year the worst allergy season ever, only to have the Vice President of the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America come in and prove that the media is actually right.
• May 28th, 2015: In a promo clip for his run, Trevor sneaks onto the empty set and sits down in the chair, testing it out and playing around about a "new and sexy" Daily Show. Jon suddenly appears behind him.
  Trevor: Oh shit!!! [runs off]
• June 1st, 2015: Jon mocks the usage of James Brown's "I Feel Good" in Lindsey Graham's presidential campaign announcement, applying it to other inappropriate moments, and finishing off with "Get On Up" during another inappropriate moment.
• June 15th, 2015: Rachel Dolezal, the head of the Spokane, Washington branch of the NAACP, is revealed to actually be a white woman. Jon tries to discuss the story with TDS's Senior Black Correspondent... Jordan Klepper, who also tries to insist he's black, until Jessica Williams enters to bring order.
• June 16th, 2015: Donald Trump announces he wants to seek the nomination for President in '16. Jon is practically frothing at the mouth, and realizes his show is now on "comedy hospice" thanks to this, knowing he'll have no shortage of material in the last weeks of his show. (It's not enough to get him to keep his promise to not retire if Trump does run, though).
• July 21st, 2015: For his last interview by Jon, President Obama bemoans how Jon is leaving his job before him, and issues an Executive Order making him stay on The Daily Show.
• August 6th, 2015:
  • On his last show, every politician and news pundit that Jon has ridiculed in his sixteen years show up and say how glad they are to see him go. Just a few examples:
    Rahm Emanuel: What has nine and a half fingers and won't miss you at all? This guy!
    Chris Christie: I'll never forget you, Jon! ...But I will be trying.
    Hillary Clinton: And just when I'm running for President. What a bummer.
    Wolf Blitzer: Jon, I just don't know what to say. [cue monitor displaying "SCREW YOU, STEWART"]
    John McCain: So long, jackass.
  • Gitmo is happy about leaving with Jon, until he learns that Guantanamo Bay is still open.
    Gitmo: Gitmo not leaving? Only Jon Stewart? [angrily] MOTHERFUCKER, I'LL KILL YOU! ARGH!
  • John Oliver, in a parody of how his own show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver tends to go into deep detail on even the most mundane issues, reminisces about his first day on The Daily Show in excruciating detail, going into why he chose egg white sandwiches for breakfast that morning. When Jon tries to tell him they need to go to commercial, Oliver, this time parodying how since Last Week Tonight is on HBO it has no commercials, responds, "What the fuck is a commercial?"
  • Dr. Bassem Youssef, having had his show in Egypt forcibly ended after government pressure, expresses sadness that the same thing happened to Jon (he also is dressed as someone in hiding). When Jon tells him he's leaving on his own initiative, Bassem is completely unimpressed.
    Bassem Youssef: That's it? What a pussy.
  • The Goodfellas tribute, while mostly a mixture of awesome and heartwarming, it does have a few fun gems.
    • Jon notes how comics were the coolest guys around...after athletes, movie stars, singers, carnies, and narcs.
    • When Jon makes his way to the writers, he comes across Dan "The Breadmaker" McCoy and Elliott Kalan, who are having a conversation that seems transcribed right out of their podcast.
      McCoy: But if Hutt is a species, then why does he call himself "Jabba the Hutt"?
      Kalan: It's an ethnic epithet, like "Jimmy the Greek"!
    • Members of the studio production are noted as having the hardest job of all...watching the news all day. We come across a group of people watching Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC on adjacent monitors. We see that this has left them with dead, blank stares and bleeding eyes.
    • At the end of the Goodfellas tribute, Martin Scorsese shows up, complaining about how Jon has ripped him off for the last time.
      Jon: I don't know what he's talking about.
  • Arby's, one of the many fast food restaurants that's had its fill being taunted by Jon, decides to give him a proper farewell...by showing off multiple clips of him trashing Arby's and its food. Also crosses over into a Heartwarming Moment.
  • Even Stephen Colbert's unscripted thank-you speech to Jon, which was equal parts Heartwarming and Tear Jerker, slipped in one funny moment.
    Stephen: And personally, I do not know how this son of a poor Appalachian turd miner...I do not know! I do not know what I would do if you hadn't brought me on the show. I'd be back in those hills, mining turds with Pappy! Jon, you know, by now, I'd have...I'd have Dung Lung!
  • After Stephen's thank-you, the two men hugged and every correspondent rushed the set to join in a huge group hug while cheerfully chanting "Made him cry! Made him cry!".
  • Larry Wilmore gives his thanks, albeit slightly miffed that The Nightly Show got preempted by Jon's finale, telling him, "Black shows matter".

2024

• February 12th, 2024: On Jon's first day back, Ronny Chieng nearly breaks him and the rest of the correspondents by talking (and nearly choking) while eating a plate of potato skins.
  • The different subtitles given for Indecision 2024: "American De Mockracy", "Electile Dysfunction", "What the F#@K Are We Doing?" and last but not least, "Antiques Roadshow".
  • Jon's mockery of the Biden-Harris team's attempt to get an audience on TikTok during the Super Bowl. For context, it involved Biden being asked which of the Kelce brothers he liked more, and he answered "Mama Kelce" because she "makes great chocolate chip cookies".
    Jon: …Fire everyone. Everyone. How do you go on TikTok and end up looking older!?
  • Jon makes a rather inspiring speech about how the candidates we elect aren't the main thing that keeps America running, but rather the individual people who work hard every day to bring about positive changes. But for anyone scared about the prospect of working hard to bring about a better world, he makes sure to, uh… comfort them:
    Jon: Although, on the plus side, I am told that at some point, the sun will run out of hydrogen.

• February 19th, 2024: When his good ol' frenemy Tucker Carlson attempts to sugarcoat modern-day Russia and Vladimir Putin, Jon takes the opportunity to take the piss out of him once again:
  • Jon explains how there's an old stereotype that Polish people are dumb, and that in actuality the Poles are as smart as anyone and did not deserve to be invaded by the Nazis, who succeeded at taking over by marching backwards so that the Poles thought they were leaving.
  • Jon starts the segment pretending to learn important lessons in sucking up to those at the top from Carlson following the responses to his prior mocking of Biden and Trump, from words to body language to everything in-between. The act breaks when Tucker remarks that the shopping carts in Russia having a coin-deposit system^note which is by no means unheard of in many other Western nations, go to your local Aldi and see for yourself means that there's an incentive to return it rather than bring it to your homeless encampment.
    Jon: I know I've said this before… you're such a dick.
  • A particular highlight is Jon's response to Carlson's close-proximity sniffing and praising of the bread in this supermarket:
    Jon: He, uh… (eyeballs back and forth) …this fucking guy really likes bread. I hate to think what would've happened if he had found a bagel. But hey, if being a free-speech warrior means you have to bang the occasional sourdough, nostrovia.

• February 26th, 2024: The opening disclaimer for the segment finally discussing the Arab–Israeli Conflict, appropriately named "The Futile Crescent":
  Any discussion of Israel and Palestine is not meant to endorse or justify all the actions of either side. Mentions of Hamas that fail to condemn Hamas do not mean we don't condemn Hamas. Do not listen to this segment if you're predisposed to antisemitism or Islamophobia. Common side effects of discussing the Middle East are depression, anxiety, infections of the perineum, and craving hummus.
  • Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu claims that the IDF can easily finish off Hamas and occupy Gaza within just a few more weeks, leading to Jon stating that Bibi can have Bush's "Mission Accomplished" banner for when that happens — "It's a little wind-damaged, but equally delusional."
  • Jon comparing the United States' concerned apprehension towards Israel's actions in Gaza to a drug dealer telling you to go to bed at a reasonable hour as they supply you with cocaine.
  • Jon's response to the United Nations' collective failure to do anything substantial for this situation is as satisfying as it is hilarious:
    Jon: Why do you even have a fucking building!? Why!? Why do you — we could use that! We have a housing crisis! Give us back our fucking building! This is not right! What is… what is the United Nations, even? Just a support system for a diverse and pleasing food court? What are you!?
  • "Let's just ask God. It's His house! He's the one who started all this!"

• March 11th, 2024: When discussing the State of the Union and the response to it, Jon points out that Senator Katie Britt's insistence on keeping a smile through the whole thing kinda ruins the tone a bit, complete with his own Slasher Smile.
  Jon: Who smiles when they say the line, "Steeped in the blood of patriots"?
  • In response to many Republicans claiming to carry the Constitution next to their hearts, Jon reveals what he's got next to his heart: the Constitution, the Magna Carta, and the Gap employee handbook.
    Jon: (holding the Magna Carta) You know what, I'm sorry, this is just a flip book. Hold on. Oh, that dog's never gonna catch that car!

• April 1st, 2024: Before talking about AI, Jon brings up how CNN and MSNBC were hesitant to show a certain "disturbing" and "dehumanizing" image on the news, noting that it has to be significant if they were already willing to show footage from active war zones like Ukraine and Gaza… until it's revealed that it was art of a tied-up Joe Biden seen on the rear of a pickup truck that Trump shared on social media. No blood, no gore, no real-time violence. Listen closely and you can actually hear a couple members from the audience booing.
  Jon: (with a sad, disappointed expression) …Aren't you the same networks that show reruns of 9/11 every year?
  • The ending to the segment. On the topic of AI stealing away everyone's jobs, clips are played of tech industry members claiming that humans will thus be allowed more free time to think and create. Jon takes out a pair of drum sticks and decides that he'll spend his newfound "self-actualizing me time" learning to play the drums, as "music is what makes us human". Cue the Description Cut to a robot playing the drums perfectly, before we cut back to Jon wordlessly snapping one of his sticks in half.

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