- After buying some drugs and a spiked drink for his dad we get this from Jimmy during a father/son moment.
- There's also this gem that follows a father-son bike ride:
Jeez, Pop, too much more of that and maybe I won't be dead by 35!
- How about the fact that buying drugs is considered a father/son moment for the DeSantas!
- Near the end of the second trailer.
- Becomes a Brick Joke in Michael's trailer:
- The line in its in-game context as part of the third ending is pretty good, too.
Trevor: Jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for.
Michael: I know, I still hate myself. But at least I know the words for it now.
Trevor: Well, I hate you, and I know the words for it. So does that mean I don't have to go to therapy?
- Trevor's trailer, which shows Ax-Crazy Hair-Trigger Temper Played for Laughs. Especially with "Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way" by Waylon Jennings playing over the video.
- If you make Trevor play tennis against Amanda, then some of the banter is funny.
Trevor: Winner gets to keep Michael!
- Trevor's first interaction with Maude, the woman in charge of bounties.
- Franklin reprimands Lamar for getting into a car chase that results in the death of a repo target, which Lamar blames on his "Apache blood":
- The mission where Franklin has to sneak into the DeSanta household has a lot of funny reactions from the family.
Jimmy said I had a massive... Jimmy called me a BITCH!!
Kyle Chavis, upon seeing Franklin
: "Help! He's Black! Help!"
- While robbing a jewelry store, Michael has this to say to the frightened customers:
- At one point, Trevor is shown trying (and failing) to flush a severed human leg down the toilet. Doubles as Nightmare Fuel because, well...he's trying to flush a severed human leg down the toilet!
- During one of the hang outs between Michael and Trevor, Trevor ends up saying to Michael that he represses everything and when he finally bursts, it'll be big. He also calls Michael an emo.
- This conversation between Franklin and Simeon Yetarian:
- The ad campaigns for the next Governor of San Andreas.
- In the Official Trailer, we get this brief outburst from Trevor:
- Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.
- One of the side missions involves Michael smoking a super-blunt, and having a Mushroom Samba of shooting up Aliens (yeah, those Aliens!) with a gatling gun!
- Mr. Raspberry Jam.
- Late in the game, Trevor's truck permanently gets Mr. Raspberry Jam tied to its grille.
- Switch to Trevor after letting him roam on his own for some time, and, given what he's doing when you switch over to him, you get the idea that he's having a much more fun time than when the player's controlling him. Possible activities he could just be finishing are: throwing a guy off a bridge; waking up in the middle of the desert wearing a dress; or waking up surrounded by dead bodies, beer in hand, in his underpants.
- A mission sees Trevor in a police helicopter alongside a corrupt cop before switching to Franklin. If, immediately after completing the mission, control is switched back to Trevor, he'll still be in the police helicopter. He'll also be alone, and he'll be saying "Hope it was a soft landing!"
- Note: he'd been threatening to kill the cop because the LSPD is racist and once framed (or "framed", considering it's a GTA protagonist) Franklin for indecent exposure. Trevor may be an amoral sociopath, but he's a non-discriminating amoral sociopath.
- On a related note, Michael can occasionally be found causing traffic jams on the highway for shits and giggles.
- Franklin is often found walking out of weed shops, taking a whiff of the product.
- This line from the prologue, which only becomes funny after completing the game.
- An early mission involves Franklin using Chop to help him find a rival gangster. Only for Chop to run off and go hump a random dog in mid mission. Franklin's reaction is priceless (especially when he finds out the dog being humped is a male dog). For more hilarity, you can even see this through Chop's eyes in first person.
Franklin: Gee, Chop you nasty-ass! That's a dude you're fuckin' there!
- Dialogue between Franklin and Lamar is consistently priceless, with almost everything that comes out of Lamar's mouth being CMOF-worthy.
- As if Franklin's conversations with Lamar are funny enough, we get Stretch, who often ends up getting caught up in Volleying Insults between him and Franklin: the best ones are the starting and ending conversations in "The Long Stretch".
- And then there's Franklin's borderline Cloudcuckoolander Aunt Denise, who's obsessed with getting her "femininity" back, and often has crazy meetings with Straw Feminist friends that really dig under Franklin's skin. One notable instance is also seen at the start of "The Long Stretch", where Franklin walks in on a group of his Aunt's friends collectively screeching their heads off, and stopping dead in their tracks when they notice Franklin:
: ...... I don't wanna know... Denise
: Franklin-! Franklin
: What the fuck?!
I mean, what the hell goin' on here? Denise
: Wait a minute, Franklin, what are you doing here?! Franklin
: I live here!
This half of my house too! Denise
: So you say? (Explains that she's reinvigorating her femininity) So make yourself scarce, boy! Franklin
: (Rolls eyes until they're in the back of his head) With pleasure!
- And as you walk away you can hear them start chanting "Vulva... vulva..."
- Franklin's reaction is good, but Trevor's reaction? Pure gold. When Denise and her friends leave the house, they are chanting "We are women, we are strong" over and over again at the top of their lungs. They walk past Franklin who says nothing. Then they walk into Trevor, and....
- It's even better if Trevor just woke up from a drunken stupor that put him in a lady's dress.
- Not to mention Trevor's earlier interaction with Denise:
: (Ranting at Franklin for disobeying her constantly and also for ignoring his gang-banger friends) I say become a doctor, you say become a patient! I say-who is that? Trevor
: Helloooooo, missy! Franklin, you never told me you had a sister. Denise
: I'm Denise, Franklin's housemate. Franklin
: AND aunt, my mother's old dried-up ass sister- Denise
: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Trevor
: Yeah, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
(Franklin flashes a middle finger at Trevor) Trevor
: (hands Denise money) Here, darlin'. Why don't you go get yourself somethin' nice, okay? Denise
: Oh, thank you! (giggles, flips through the money) ...this is seven dollars. Trevor
: I said something NICE, not something EXPENSIVE
. You wanna be a greedy fuckin' cow
, huh? No. Now get the fuck outta here, alright? Denise
: You men are all the same!
- At the beginning of Trevor's tenure with the Minute Men, one of them gives an American salute. The other, apparently an immigrant from Europe, gives the Hitler salute before realizing what he's done and correcting himself.
- Michael's interactions with Barry, the marijuana-legalization activist.
: I smoke this all day and I'm fine! (Lights one up for Michael) Just a pure... mellow high... Michael:
(Inhales deeply from the bunt) Barry:
...But I do get concerned about the monsters
... (Michael's trip starts; he slowly gets more distorted)
Yeah... I mean, I'm sure they're nothing serious but, uh... I never let them get too near. Michael:
(look of utter disbelief
) WHOOOAA!!! Da... fuck... is that?!
- Then when his trip ends:
... so I take it I can count on your support? *Beat* Michael:
... the fuck
just happened?! Barry: W-What're ya talkin' about?
We discussed globalization, the state... Michael: ... stay the fuck away from me!
Wha... But it's for a good cause...!
- Trevor's interactions with him are just as funny.
Barry: Can I get a signature, sir?
Trevor: For what?
Barry: The most important fight of all!
Barry: Er, no, another most important fight.
Trevor: ... The AIDS?
Barry: No, no, another one.
Trevor: Animal Welfare?
Barry: Legalization! Here, sign! ... Shit, where's my pen? Where's my pen?
Trevor: Legalization of what?
Barry: Of things our founding fathers took as a right! To consume medicinal plants!
Trevor: Legalize smoke? You fucking kidding me?! I make a shitload of money selling that, alright?! The last thing I can handle is legalization, now fuck off!
- Trevor's reaction after the high is pure gold.
- Michael comes to a revelation about Trevor later in the game, and it is incredible. The triumph in his voice in the later lines is what really sells it.
(after talking about Trevor's dress sense and personality) YOU!...are a hipster! Trevor: What. Michael:
You're a hipster! Trevor:
I hate hipsters Michael:
I. Abhor. Hipsters
, I eat them for fun! Michael:
love saying they hate hipsters
Well I really fucking do! Michael:
Self hatred. Common hipster
Only because I'm living out here away from the bean machines, and the bankers? Michael:
You're gentrifying! Soon the skinny jeans will show up, and then the skinny lattes, and then, the bankers.
And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster
, but you are what the hipsters
aspire to be! You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster! Trevor: (completely calm sounding) ...I don't know, what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bullshit, and you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very, very angry, and I want this conversation to end right away. Michael: Hipster. Trevor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MICHAEL! SAY IT AGAIN! Michael:
I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.
- Another moment that counts is the cutscene after the above conversation, when Michael and Trevor reach the bus stop. Trevor is sitting on the bench, bored out of his mind. What does he do to pass the time? He throws rocks at Michael like a kid in elementary school. Naturally, Michael gets pissed off.
*Trevor throws a rock at Michael* Michael:
Come on man, knock it off. Trevor:
What? *Trevor throws another rock* Michael:
I'm going to break your fucking fingers if you don't knock that shit off. Trevor:
Well, please, alright. You'd alleviate the boredom.
- Just about every moment that Wade is present. In particular, the scene where Trevor is telling him the story of "Trisha and Michelle."
- Franklin steals a car being used to film a movie. He accidentally abducts an actor with it, who tries to make him crash while studio security tries to shoot him off the road. In the end, Franklin is able to lose the security, and then notices a button he never did before:
- The dialogue between Trevor and Michael when Trevor reveals that he kidnapped Martin Madrazo's wife after Martin got angry and refused to pay him and Michael for assassinating Javier Madrazo. Michael's reaction and Trevor's utter glee just sells it.
(Regarding the job that he and Michael just did for Martin Madrazo
) I asked for a fair day's pay after a fair day's work. He kinda got a little angry. And, I'll admit, I kinda got a little angry! Michael:
) Did you kill him...? Trevor:
What kind of fucking animal do you take me for?! No I didn't kill him! Michael:
Oh God... Trevor:
BUT I DID KIDNAP HIS WIFE! Michael:
Oh, no! The FUCK
did you do?!
- When Debra returns to Floyd's home, Trevor has a rambling emotional breakdown in an attempt to make peace with both of them. Combined with Debra's incredibly hammy acting, the scene is priceless.
Debra: I want you to leave, NOW! Trevor:
Look, this is all I've got, alright? I've had a tough upbringing! My daddy
was not nice
to me! Okay? Look, Debra, I love you, and I love you too, Floyd! Why can't we all just be together, huh?! [To Floyd] You
can have Mondays through Thursdays, [To Debra] you
can have the weekends, alright?! I know that's not normal, but in this crazy, crazy world, is normal so good?! Huh?! Look, Debra! Floyd! Will you marry me?! Debra: [Arms flailing] GET OUT OF MY CONDOOOO!!!!
- Franklin finds a dog barking at the entrance of a park. Turns out he can talk to it: the dog tells him that he's stuck in a tree. Franklin starts running after the dog...
Franklin: I've officially lost my damn mind.
Franklin: What, boy? He just jumped out of a fucking helicopter?
Franklin: His parachute failed to open?
Franklin: And now you kind of wish he'd missed the tree?
Franklin: But morality is a human construct and you're not hardwired to think that way? I can't believe I'm getting smart-talked by a fucking dog.
Franklin: Say what?
Franklin: Wait, you talkin' about my kind of bitches or yours?
Franklin: This shit is getting weird now, man.
- It's worth noting that the dog disappears right after Franklin gets to the guy, meaning that Franklin wasn't just getting smart-talked by a dog... he may have been getting smart-talked by an angel pretending to be a dog.
- In one of the earliest Trevor missions ("Crystal Maze"), it starts off with Trevor being so pissed that most of his dialogue is "Arrrg!"
- Michael's rant on sarcasm during the setup mission for the Paleto Score.
Michael: A few weeks ago, I was happily retired, sulking by my swimming pool. Then my psychotic best friend shows up out of nowhere to torture me over mistakes I made - honest mistakes - I've made over a decade ago! We, our little posse, are flat fuckin' broke! But hey, let's go out and spend two million dollars on a tandem-rotor fuckin' chopper, so I can go steal nerve gas from fuckin' terrorists! Forgive me, you ignorant fuck, but sarcasm is all I've fucking got! Sarcasm, and a room fulla you cunts!
- The story of Trevor's first score (in context, he's trying to force Franklin to spill the details of his, since Franklin keeps trying to dodge the question).
Well, how about you? Why don't you share with the group? I'm here. I'll back the facts. Trevor:
That checks cashed place? I went in, took 'em for eight grand, walked out. Michael:
Ah, it was a bit more complicated than that, though, wasn't it, T? Trevor: Maybe I knew the guy
, maybe he ID'd me... Michael: Maybe
you did six months. Trevor: Maybe
I was out in four- and that, children, is why we don't leave witnesses! Michael:
That, children, is why you don't rob people that you know!
- Then, after Michael reassures Franklin's first heist couldn't have been much worse than Trevor's Epic Fail of a story, Franklin finally cracks; he was the getaway driver for one of Lamar's store robberies, and he managed to get several thousand dollars... or he WOULD have if a dye pack didn't go off and ruin the money.
- And from the same mission, the sheriff's reaction when the crew come out of the bank wearing body armor and carrying machine guns (Trevor even has a handheld minigun!
Sheriff: Sweet... mother of... shit!
- Later on during the over-the-top shootout with the cops, Michael tries to remind Trevor, who's busy spouting one-liners, to treat the situation seriously. Trevor is quick to point out the absurdity of the situation.
Trevor: I've got a minigun, you humorless prick!
- In one mission, Trevor is flying in a helicopter with a camera that can scan peoples' drivers licenses to check their arrest records. The first person he checks is Franklin, who we find out was arrested for... Public Exposure. It leads to this exchange:
- It's funny enough that the Triad kidnap Michael because they think Michael and Trevor are an item. But then Franklin comes to rescue them and what's their immediate response? "Oh no! Another boyfriend!"
- "Do they have an adopted son?!"
- Another one that happens on the same mission that's incredibly easy to miss because it requires a huge Violation of Common Sense: watch Michael make his way to the meat grinder instead of switching to Franklin and, on the way, you get this gem.
Michael: Hey, I ain't even gonna make a tasty hamburger! I only drink broccoli juice!
- One of the last FIB missions, "The Wrap Up", contains what is possibly the most over-the-top Mexican Standoff in recent memory. Let's just say that at some point a gunship gets involved. However in the beginning when Steve Haines enters into another Villainous Breakdown, it comes off as Narmy the way he says it. For example, when Dave Norton tries to point out how the whole situation is "unorthodox"...
- Despite its grim nature, "By The Book" has a single funny moment between Michael and Dave, while they look for a man they need to kill. Once Trevor "gotten some info" from Mr. K who tells you what the man looks like, Michael can spot and kill said man while Dave is talking. Dave's utter disbelief over how fast Michael killed the man while Mike just bemuses it all as a "gut feeling".
- If Michael doesn't take the shot, he cranks his Deadpan Snarker to weapons-grade lethal, complaining about the vague hints of how the target looks, with the most he gets early on being "He's Azerbaijani."
- Also hilarious if you attempt to kill anyone before getting enough information or killing the wrong target after getting enough information.
- Finally, if you stick around to ALL of the information, Michael takes a moment to sum it up...
- Earlier in the mission, Steve Haines tells Trevor to show his friend Devin Weston some respect:
- After Jimmy's Crowning Moment of Awesome ( knocking out a Merryweather hitman who was about to kill Michael and likely the rest of his family), he decides add to it by teabagging the hitman, but ends up teabagging Michael by accident.
- It's also funny the way he held his weapon and free hand up in front of his face. There's no justification for it, other than imitating the common FPS stance.
- Most of Trevor's whirlwind romance with Patricia Madrazo qualifies as hilarious but the kicker has to be when he's returning her home to her husband while Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" is playing during the car ride and Trevor is blubbering uncontrollably.
- When they finally get back to her place, we learn that Trevor apparently damaged or tore off Madrazo's ear in a fit of rage during the kidnapping. In contrast to his previous menacing demeanor, he's now absolutely terrified of Trevor, to the point that he's practically grovelling at the sight of him.
- If you try to jump a wall and hit it at the wrong angle, you'll simply smack into it and fall down. The first time it happens, it's catches you completely off guard, and it's hilarious.
- In fact, if you jump and hit the cancel button ("B" on the 360), you'll just faceplant onto the pavement. There's absolutely no reason for this to be in the game, other than to make your character suffer.
- You know how you can greet people on the street, and they'll respond with generic answers? There's one guy who responds to "What's up?" with a long, angry rant about his life.
- Pretty much everything that comes out of Wade's mouth after Trevor drops him off at the Vanilla Unicorn:
- The last we see of Trevor before going in to "meet" the manager of the Vanilla Unicorn is him closing the door behind himself saying, "Prepare to meet your new 'partner...'" It's as funny as dark when you find out Trevor has the man's body sitting in the fridge in his office.
- In Reuniting The Family, Michael hits Fabien (Amanda's yoga instructor who she's been sleeping with) in the head with some woman's laptop (who was writing a screenplay in public and trying to get the others to shut up.). Afterwards he goes and picks up Tracey and walks in on Lazlow saying he'll get her back on the show if she gives him a blowjob. Michael then makes him pay and forces him to get her on the show. After this, the De Santa family go to therapy and it quickly turns into Michael and Amanda yelling at one another and Amanda tells him to "find a center" and Michael ends up screaming "HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK MY COCK?!".
- A subtle one: Trevor Phillips Enterprises is never given a completely consistent name. It's also referred to as Trevor Phillips Industries, Trevor Philips Enterprise, Trevor Philips Corporation, TPI Conglomerate, TP Conglomerate, and TP, Inc. Trevor never actually keeping the name consistent is hilariously in-character for him.
- Every Rampage mission results in a priceless Oh Crap! reaction from the people who pushed the berserk buttons on Trevor Phillips one time too many, and their initial reactions can be summarized as "run the fuck away from the crazy motherfucker I pissed off!". Special mentions to Rampage 4, where the Army soldiers mock him with hilariously fake Canadian accents, causing Trevor to pull out a Grenade Launcher, and Rampage 5, where Trevor has a hilarious scene where he chews out a hipster for wearing a "Yes, you ARE a motherfucker" T-shirt. Words can't describe, so just... just watch...
- What makes the rampages even more funny is Trevor's random dialogue which are unique to each rampage with such gems like
- In the final session with Dr. Friedlander, he mentions that women used to call him "Pube Head" due to his curly hair. Moments later, when he's running away from an angry Michael, Michael may yell out "PUBE HEAD!" at him.
- The cutscene where Wade tells Trevor he might have located Michael. Plenty of moments, actually:
- When Wade mentions he did find a "Michael De Santa" fitting the description, married to a woman named Amanda:
(In as proud a tone as he can muster) You're a genius, ya moron! Come on, c'mere! (Wade climbs the fence; Trevor punches him back down) Don't you ever not tell me shit I wanna know! Trevor:
We're going to Los Santos!... Let's go, Wade! C'mon, I'm drivin'. You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm joking! You can suck me off. Wade: ...We goin' to stop for ice cream?
- In one of the Epsilon missions, Michael has to fly a plane to an actor who is most certainly not Tom Cruise. After taking off, he gets a call and they have this exchange:
- The more you do the Epsilon missions, the more seemingly-brainwashed Michael appears. Almost all he says in the later missions is "Kifflom." Of course, his true state depends on how you do the last Epsilon mission.
Michael:[After stealing $2.1 million from founder Cris Formage.] Got to go, brother-brother! Kifflom!
- Michael, Franklin and Trevor each have their own in-game LifeInvader pages that can be accessed from their phones, and update often after missions. While all three guys have some funny stuff to be found on their pages, Michael's takes the cake for hilarity, due to his family members' comments on his wall. You can also go to Amanda's, Tracey's and Jimmy's pages for even more laughs - Jimmy's page in particular is just hysterical.
- The Pißwasser commercial. The lyrics are especially hilarious.
Ya oughta speak English, if you like it here so much! Not Spanish, or Chinese, or British, and not fucking Dutch! Fuck the Dutch!
- In a post 100% completion mission, Franklin heads into the woods and ends up hunting down a Sasquatch. Except it's not really a Sasquatch: it's a Furry! Outside of the surreality of the mission on it's own, it also ends up as a hilarious parody of a certain mission from Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, complete with an Identical Great-Grandson of The Hunter, and a spoofing of the final dialogue between the player character and Sasquatch.
Sasquatch: Shoot me, human
... Franklin: I just did... Sasquatch: Shoot me, human
! Make it stop! Franklin: I just shot your ass! It's stopped! Sasquatch:
I'm the last of my kind. Franklin: Yeah, evolution is a bitch! Sasquatch:
We've lived in these woods... for a thousand years
Man, wait a second... Is this a fuckin' mask?
(Franklin yanks off the mask, revealing a completely normal guy under it
. There's a loooong pause after this
...Make it stop, human
Man, shut the fuck up with that bullshit! What the hell is wrong with you? running around the woods in a costume
?! Sasquatch: I'm the last of my kind
! Franklin: Man, you fucking freak! Sasquatch:
Hey, I'm no freak! It's perfectly normal to admit to being aroused role playing as a fantastical beast!
(Suddenly starts making dog barks
) Franklin: What the fuck was that?! Sasquatch:
What do you want it to be? ( Woof!
continues to bark like a dog
) Man, go fuck yo' self, man.
- Michael's daughter Tracey on "Fame or Shame". Not only is her performance cringeworthy, but the producers think Michael and Trevor are both her fathers. And then Trevor belts a security guy with a folding chair.
- Franklin, who usually isn't the one to laugh out loud, can't stop himself from laughing hysterically (and the player probably can't either, when Trevor tries to hop his fence, but end up falling over it at the start of "Fresh Meat")
- And after that scene, Trevor (still pissed off about Michael's "betrayal" in North Yankton) bumps into a CGF homie on his way out:
(As if he heard something) What was that? CGF homie:
What? Trevor: What was that?! CGF homie:
( Trevor lays out the CGF homie in one punch
, and snarls at him) Trevor: Asshole!
(screams to the neighborhood) Everybody! Assholes!!!
- The cutscene that introduces Trevor to Nigel and Mrs. Thornhill, an elderly British couple obsessed with collecting celebrity "memorabilia," in which the two mistake Trevor for former stuntman and governor runner-up Jock Cranley, and ask to take a picture. Trevor, playing along, poses for the picture as if he's choking Nigel, but, Trevor being Trevor, quickly descends into strangling Nigel proper until Mrs. Thornhill hits Trevor with her purse, then the couple carry their conversation on as if nothing happened.
- The entire series of missions with the pair contain some of Trevor's funniest dialogue in the game; despite his initial misgivings, he's clearly having a ball victimizing the rich and famous for petty reasons (especially when driving Al DiNapoli out to the train tracks to murder him in spectacular fashion), and eventually grows rather fond of the old dingbats for being even more deranged than he is.
- The intro to GTA Online. Your character has been Internet friends with Lamar for a while now, and is finally going to meet him as you leave the airport. As a male, he and the player shake hands and get to know each other. As a female, he shows up with a rose, asks for sex, and fumbles around trying to talk her into a relationship. Fem!Player is clearly unamused.
- Some of the less serious Mission Failed screens are this:
- If you fail the Yoga mission, the game over screen will read "Michael did not reach enlightenment."
- For disrupting the meeting at the start of Three's Company, you get "Trouble was caused at the food court".
- "Trevor killed innocent people".
- Lamar's contact picture, which is presumably set by the owner of the phone themselves, is that of Chop, rather than, well, Lamar.
- If you get someone's stolen bike back to them, Trevor may say he hates bullies. One place he may say it is right after a mission where Floyd points out that Trevor forced him to participate in his Merryweather heist.
- In "Blitz Play", when the three protagonists are told that some of the government is corrupt, all three give a variation of a "Holy shit, I did NOT know that!" expression.
- Late in the game, Tracey actually makes it into the finals of Fame or Shame due to Michael pressuring Lazlow, and she performs a song called "Daddy Issues" that you can watch. Not only is it not very good, but the lyrics are hilarious. Alas, in another CMOF, she loses to... "Three Masturbating Monkeys"!
- Trevor's bicycle race with Mary Ann is hilarious from start to finish. See for yourself.
Trevor: Just think of all the angry revenge sex!
Mary Ann: I am not having sex with you! Get that through your thick head!
Trevor: Okay, then jack me off into a cup. Slap me around. We got options, baby!
- When you go steal the Z-type with Trevor:
Trevor: "So who's gonna be at the airstrip? That dick who won't pay us 'til we get all the cars or (lustful) Molly.
Franklin: "I don't know dog. Both, I think. Molly and Devin."
Trevor: "Oh. Well when you see her, tell I said Hi."
Franklin: "What? No."
Trevor: "Oh come on!" I thought is was just about time to settle down."
Franklin: (laughs) "Man, you gon' need a lion tamer or something. Molly might have balls but you is something else."
Trevor: "Just put in a good word for me."
Franklin: "Man, I ain't hitting on no one for your ass."
Trevor: (mock anger) "What!? After everything I've done for you. You're just like Michael."
- Trevor's response to one of the crew members you can hire:
"Y'know, it really irks me when people refer to my lifestyle choice as a game."
- As horrific as the torture scene is, it does have its moments of gallows humor, and Trevor and Steve Haines work surprisingly well together.
- Likewise, Trevor has some characteristically Laughably Evil lines when selecting the torture instruments:
- If Molly's death by Turbine Blender isn't Nightmare Fuel, then it's Bloody Hilarious, especially considering how sudden and out of the blue it is. Things are even more darkly funny when you later find out that the film she was trying so desperately to keep out of Michael's hands has plenty of digital copies in storage, making the entire chase and her resulting death completely pointless.
- "Monkey Business" finds Michael going on a diving mission for the FIB, with David Norton and Steve Haines. The dialogue in the mission is often hilarious, especially between Michael and Steve.
Michael: (After Steve brings up a useless fact about the Oxy-Hydro cutter he's using) So, you got any more little facts for me from the instruction manual?
Steve: Thought you'd want some intel on the equipment we sourced using your hard-won funds.
Michael: Ah, I figured it was all gonna go on a wardrobe full of windbreakers... oh, and maybe some nipple clamps.
Michael: (As they're swimming up an underwater tunnel) Ah, I feel like I'm giving a colonoscopy to the Statue of Happiness!
Steve: Nice change from being up Trevor Phillips' ass all day.
David: You feel that? Water's getting warmer.
Michael: You wet your pants, Davy?
Steve: This is a cooling tunnel. Of course it's getting warmer. No one urinated.
Michael: Uh... I know for a fact that that ain't true.
- At the end of the mission, Steve shoots himself in the leg to let Michael and Dave escape with the toxin and hide his involvement by making it look like he tried to stop them to the approaching IIA agents. As Trevor's flying them all away in the Cargobob, he has this to say:
- Jimmy's explanation of "trolling" to Michael in "Parenting 101". It must be heard to be believed.
- One of the Gold requirements for the "Derailed" mission, where Michael and Trevor rob a train is "Better Than CJ," a hilarious nod the the infamous Big Smoke mission from San Andreas.
- The beginning of "Surveying the Score" has Trevor drunkenly stumbling into his office at the Vanilla Unicorn, opening the refrigerator for a beer, and shoving the rotten corpse of the club's previous owner back inside. Just as he shuts the door, Michael walks in.
Trevor: Before you ask, the fridge is broken.
- As Michael and Franklin finish surveying the façade of the Union Depository, the game cuts back to Trevor pissing at the side of the road.
- When Hao first challenges Franklin to a race, he openly claims he's getting first place. However, the game doesn't change the scripting of vehicle activity for when he pulls out of his alley, so it's possible that - as he's done smack-talking you - he plows right into someone's car.
- The movie Meltdown. Just, the whole thing.
- If you see the movie during a friend activity with Michael, he may comment that the talking monkey was his idea. Who'd have known?
- An unintentional example: if the player quickly switches characters from one who's in a diving suit (easily gained by exiting the submarine underwater) and starts a mission that stars the previous character, they'll play through the mission still in the full wetsuit with a rebreather in their mouth.
- Trevor´s weed trip, where he begins imagining an army of evil, dancing clowns trying to kill him. From the clowns attacking to the priceless sounds (including squeaky shoes) and Trevor´s remarks about the clowns not being funny, it´s simply HILARIOUS.
- When driving through Chamberlain on the TV crime exposé The Underbelly of Paradise:
Steve Haines: (Obviously nervous)
H-hey... you guys stay out of trouble, now. Balla:
Suck my dick
, Steve fucking
Haines! (Steve goes quiet, uneasily glances at the camera)
- Some of the NPC dialogue is just terribly weird.
Families Gangster: Hey. You like potato salad? 'Cause I like potato salad, nigga.
Other Gangster: Hey, that's the game.
Hispanic NPC: [To Trevor] You're that guy from Midget Fuckers 22 I know it!
Redneck NPC: Man, that toilet cleaner's got me real messed up!
Other Redneck: You're acting like I'm interested, which I ain't.
Lifeguard NPC: I had to punch a dude that was drowning yesterday.
Other Lifeguard: You have anything interesting to say?
Hispanic NPC: [After crashing into the protagonist.] Is it wrong how turned on I am?
- Depending which character you use, when in a vehicle with no weapons equipped, your character will spout out road rage dialogue whenever using the "weapon fire" button. Michael's road rage dialogue however has the most hammiest and the most angry variety out of the three characters. It's hilarious as all hell.
Michael: Why DO YOU EXIST?!?
- Sometimes, he'll say this little gem....
- You don't even have to be pushing the button to get some hilarity out of Michael. Several of his quotes after wrecking into somebody are pure comedy gold.
Michael: HEY! I LIKE THIS CAR!!! Michael:
OH, YOU SCREWED UP MY CAR! Michael:
piece of shit!"
- Trevor's lines are, if anything, even funnier.
- If you hang out with Michael, Franklin, or Trevo in Story Mode and get yourself into a shootout or even a fistfight, they will get their guns out and start shooting the NPC that started the fight. What makes this funny is that for Trevor, such an action looks completely in-character for him.
- Some of the post-mission cutscenes in Online occasionally have the employer reacting to the player with awkward silence. Trevor, however...
(Trevor walks out of his trailer to check on the player's delivered vehicle)
Trevor: Yeah, just leave it there...
(The player looks back at the vehicle, then back at Trevor)
Trevor: God, and I thought I was weird!
- This also happens sometimes when completing a mission for Ron:
Trevor: Ron, go out and talk to that creepy friend of yours that doesn't speak!
- During Trevor's hunting minigame, you can send pictures of your kills to anyone in Trevor's contact list with some amusing replies.
Michael: Could you be any more of a redneck?
Michael: Thanks, but I'm more of a medium rare kind of guy.
Michael: Glad to see you have so much time on your hands.
Franklin: Is there anything you won't shoot?
Franklin: Why u sending me photos of dead animals?
Franklin: I hope u gonna eat that.
Jimmy: Politically correct as ever, Uncle Trevor.
Lamar: I only smoke homies with 2 legs.
Tao Cheng: WTF? Is this some kind of threat?
Dave: That one I can't arrest you for.
Wade: One for the wall!
Ron: Y u no take me hunting Trevor?
Devin Weston: That's not how you alpha-male a vegan.
Patrica Madrazo: carino you're so unpredictable xx
Various contacts: Dude, seriously.
Various contacts: Is that what I think it is?
Various contacts: What the fuck, Trevor!?
- In the PS4/Xbox One ports of the game, there are minigames involving the players taking Peyote trips, and they don't just trip balls: they turn into animals! Here's the full list:
- In the online heists trailer, Lester lampshades the community demanding them.
Lester: I know you've been... "complaining," but you weren't ready.
- Some of the PA announcements at the airport and in the Metro stations can be quite funny.
- During one mission for the cab company after you buy it, Franklin is told to pick up a specific passenger who wants to go to the docks. On the way there, the guy wants him to help sort out some gangsters messing with his daughter.
Franklin: So you think because I'm a black guy I'd be cool with this shit?
Walter: So you're not cool with it?
Franklin: No, for sure, I am. -beat- That's not the point though.
- While Michael and Franklin will generally give pedestrians a friendly greeting if you hit the greeting button, Trevor exclusively hurls insults instead. The funniest ones are the ones for specific peds (Gang members or fat people, for example.)
(To a gang member, imitating them) "I have confused thoughts about other men! That's why I joined a gang of guys, just like me!"
(To a gang member, imitating them) "I'm in a gang! Uh! I'm really tough! So, but it's okay when I jerk off my buddies!"
(To a gang member) You look real tough. Oh, I'm so frightened! Oh, please don't scowl at me!
(To a gang member
) Hey, hard man - Fuck you
! Yeah, I said, fuck you.
(To a gang member) Stop trying to act hard. You look like a penis.
(To a gang member) You and your friends seem really sad. Like you all watch too many silly movies.
(To a gang member) All that posing, not fooling anyone! I bet ya got a tiny pee-pee!
(To a gang member) The tough guy act is ridiculous! I bet you have a vagina.
(To a gang member) You don't look tough, pal. You look constipated.
(To a gang member) Hey, tough man. Yeah, you. You and your friends wanna fight?
You look like you struggle with simple tasks.
How are you allowed to walk the streets, moron?
(To a dead body after combat) Now you are as dumb as you look!
Listen, even your parents can't stand you!
Listen, nobody likes you.
You depressing afterthought.
You hideous mistake!
(To an overweight pedestrian) Well, you're a big hunk of love, aren't ya? A massive, blubbery ball of hot, sexy, chubby lust! (As pedestrian runs away) Hey, come back here! I was enjoying that thought!
(To an overweight pedestrian) What's your problem, fatso? I said, what's your problem, fatso? (As pedestrian runs away) Aw, come on! Where's your sense of humor? Did you eat it?
(To an overweight pedestrian
) Hey! Porkchop! How's it goin'? I said, how's it going
(As pedestrian runs away
) Well that's not very friendly!
(To an overweight pedestrian) Have you ever tried exercising, porkchop? And I don't mean just your arm. (As pedestrian runs away) Oh, there you go! See? That's not so bad.
(To a cop) Let's be clear: only an idiot joins the cops. See? You can't even understand simple sentences.
(To a cop) Aren't you just a great example to us all? Living proof that shit can talk.
(To a cop) "The police force"! What a bad joke. "Police farce" would be a better one.
(To a cop) Nice name badge! But, they misspelled "Dick".
(To a homeless person) You stink. You really stink. It's revolting. (As pedestrian runs away) I mean you really stink! It's not an insult!
- The cutscenes during heists, especially the last one. Lester high fives only the heist leader, leaving the rest of them hanging.
- In Prison Break, the online player pushes the other player out of the prison bus and then pushes him/her again once he/she's out of it, making him/her turn around and give a "What the hell, man?" look.
- All cutscenes where Trevor appears. Even the Online player characters, who are know for not having any emotion fear him during them.
- If you play on the team that has to steal the Casco in the Prison Break setup, Station, prepare to have a quick chuckle on your online character getting all cheery on seeing the luxury car. What makes it funny is how he/she shows no emotion for a large chunk of the game and seeing him/her get all excited like that is quite surprising. Even more so considering the player that is driving will gleefully jump and slide across the hood to get to the driver's seat.
- If you make a mistake (going off road, getting turned around, etc.) while chasing the van in the mission "Mr. Philips", this exchange might occur:
Ron: You think they sabotaged this truck?
) Shut up
- A minor one at the end of Ending C. After Franklin and Michael drive off, Trevor realizes that he drove to the meeting spot in Devin's car (which is now in the ocean) and the final shot as the credits roll is Trevor awkwardly walking off screen.
- The next-gen releases added an interesting new feature. Characters will headbang depending on the song playing on the radio. If it's a calm and smooth song, the character will simply bob his head around, but, if it's something fast and with loads of beats, the character will headbang so violently to it, you can use it as a new way to justificate why you crash a lot.
- If you choose the roof entry option for "The Bureau Raid" and then pick a low-skilled gunman, when the team parachutes in, the gunman will have picked a bright rainbow chute that basically sticks out for miles around. Michael is not impressed.
Michael: I guess you didn't hear that this is a stealth mission!
- The completely out-of-nowhere nature of this exchange between Michael and Trevor in "Caida Libre" made this troper laugh more than anything in the game:
Michael: When the time comes, he'll do the right thing. If he don't, please, let me handle it.
Trevor: You don't get a wife like that without being rich and an asshole, right?
Michael: The fuck?!
- This gem that happens on Fly Lo FM:
Flying Lotus: Yeah, let's get to the phones real quick!
Caller: Yeah, I'm calling to request, uh, any music...that ain't this. Stop playing everything you've been playing because your music sounds like a dumpster rolling down five flights of stairs!
- Even funnier when you realise the caller is Carl.
- Lead the cops on a car chase for long enough, and their warnings over the loudspeaker will become increasingly angry and profane. It's pretty funny to hear for yourself just how much you're getting under their skin.
"Stop your vehicle, you fucking piece of shit!"
"What don't you understand about STOPPING THE FUCKING CAR?!"
"Can't we just drop a missile on this moron?!"
- Lamar's egg speech at the end of Funeral Party.
- The characters' reaction to it is even funnier.
- At the beginning of the "subtle" version of "The Big Score", you see Lester looking at some of the strippers at the Vanilla Unicorn, who are busy discussing filing taxes.
- One of the game's billboards have this◊ on it. It's spetacularly funny to see it in-game while going around causing chaos with a tank.