The line in its in-game context as part of the third ending is pretty good, too.
Trevor: Jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for. Michael: I know, I still hate myself. But at least I know the words for it now. Trevor: Well, I hate you, and I know the words for it. So does that mean I don't have to go to therapy?
A mission sees Trevor in a police helicopter alongside a corrupt cop before switching to Franklin. If, immediately after completing the mission, control is switched back to Trevor, he'll still be in the police helicopter. He'll also be alone, and he'll be saying "Hope it was a soft landing!"
An early mission involves Franklin using Chop to help him find a rival gangster. Only for Chop to run off and go hump a random dog in mid mission. Franklin's reaction is priceless (especially when he finds out the dog being humped is a male dog). For more hilarity, you can even see this through Chop's eyes in first person.
Franklin: Gee, Chop you nasty-ass! That's a dude you're fuckin' there!
And later, after find the gangster and chasing him down:
Franklin: Don't hump 'im! Bite his ass, Chop!
Dialogue between Franklin and Lamar is consistently priceless, with almost everything that comes out of Lamar's mouth being CMOF-worthy.
And then there's Franklin's borderline Cloudcuckoolander Aunt Denise, who's obsessed with getting her "femininity" back, and often has crazy meetings with Straw Feminist friends that really dig under Franklin's skin. One notable instance is also seen at the start of "The Long Stretch", where Franklin walks in on a group of his Aunt's friends collectively screeching their heads off, and stopping dead in their tracks when they notice Franklin:
Franklin: ......I don't wanna know... Denise: Franklin-! Franklin: What the fuck?!I mean, what the hell goin' on here? Denise: Wait a minute, Franklin, what are you doing here?! Franklin: I live here! This half of my house too! Denise: So you say? (Explains that she's reinvigorating her femininity) So make yourself scarce, boy! Franklin: (Rolls eyes until they're in the back of his head) With pleasure!
And as you walk away you can hear them start chanting "Vulva... vulva..."
Franklin's reaction is good, but Trevor's reaction? Pure gold. When Denise and her friends leave the house, they are chanting "We are women, we are strong" over and over again at the top of their lungs. They walk past Franklin who says nothing. Then they walk into Trevor, and....
Not to mention Trevor's earlier interaction with Denise:
Denise: (Ranting at Franklin for disobeying her constantly and also for ignoring his gang-banger friends) I say become a doctor, you say become a patient! I say-who is that? Trevor: Helloooooo, missy! Franklin, you never told me you had a sister. Denise: I'm Denise, Franklin's housemate. Franklin: AND aunt, my mother's old dried-up ass sister- Denise: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Trevor: Yeah, SHUT THE FUCK UP! (Franklin flashes a middle finger at Trevor) Trevor: (hands Denise money) Here, darlin'. Why don't you go get yourself somethin' nice, okay? Denise: Oh, thank you! (giggles, flips through the money) ...this is seven dollars. Trevor: I said something NICE, not something EXPENSIVE. You wanna be a greedy fuckin' cow, huh? No. Now get the fuck outta here, alright? Denise: You men are all the same!
At the beginning of Trevor's tenure with the Minute Men, one of them gives an American salute. The other, apparently an immigrant from Europe, gives the Hitler salute before realizing what he's done and correcting himself.
Michael's interactions with Barry, the marijuana-legalization activist.
Barry:: I smoke this all day and I'm fine! (Lights one up for Michael) Just a pure... mellow high... Michael: (Inhales deeply from the bunt) Barry: ...But I do get concernedabout the monsters... (Michael's trip starts; he slowly gets more distorted) Yeah... I mean, I'm sure they're nothing serious but, uh...
Barry: -so I take it I can count on your support? Michael: ...the fuck just happened?! Barry:W-What're ya talkin' about? We discussed globalization, the state- Michael:...stay the fuck away from me! (storms off) Barry: Wha... But it's for a good cause...!
Trevor's interactions with him are just as funny.
Barry: "Hey man, come on over." Trevor: (comes over, looks at desk then frowns) "What is all this?" Barry: "Just trying to get weed legalized." Trevor: "WHAT! NO! You know much money I make selling this shit?!? NO! I am NOT FOR THIS!"
Trevor's reaction after the high is pure gold.
Michael comes to a revelation about Trevor later in the game, and it is incredible.
Made ever more hilarious when switching to Trevor in one instance:
Trevor: I am a hipster!! Let me in!!!
Another moment that counts is the cutscene after the above conversation, when Michael and Trevor reach the bus stop. Trevor is sitting on the bench, bored out of his mind. What does he do to pass the time? He throws rocks at Michael like a kid in elementary school. Naturally, Michael gets pissed off.
*Trevor throws a rock at Michael* Michael: Come on man, knock it off. Trevor: What? *Trevor throws another rock* Michael: I'm going to break your fucking fingers if you don't knock that shit off. Trevor: Well, please, alright. You'd alleviate the boredom.
Just about every moment that Wade is present. In particular, the scene where Trevor is telling him the story of "Trisha and Michelle."
Franklin steals a car being used to film a movie. He accidentally abducts an actor with it, who tries to make him crash while studio security tries to shoot him off the road. In the end, Franklin is able to lose the security, and then notices a button he never did before:
The dialogue between Trevor and Michael when Trevor reveals that he kidnapped Martin Madrazo's wife after Martin got angry and refused to pay him and Michael for assassinating Javier Madrazo. Michael's reaction and Trevor's utter glee just sells it.
When Debra returns to Floyd's home, Trevor has a rambling emotional breakdown in an attempt to make peace with both of them. Combined with Debra's incredibly hammy acting, the scene is priceless.
Debra:I want you to leave, NOW! Trevor: Look, this is all I've got, alright? I've had a tough upbringing! My daddy was not nice to me! Okay? Look, Debra, I love you, and I love you too, Floyd! Why can't we all just be together, huh?! [To Floyd] You can have Mondays through Thursdays, [To Debra] you can have the weekends, alright?! I know that's not normal, but in this crazy, crazy world, is normal so good?! Huh?! Look, Debra! Floyd! Will you marry me?! Debra:[Arms flailing]GET OUT OF MY CONDOOOO!!!!
Franklin finds a dog barking at the entrance of a park. Turns out he can talk to it: the dog tells him that he's stuck in a tree. Franklin starts running after the dog...
Franklin: I've officially lost my damn mind. Dog: Woof. Franklin: What, boy? He just jumped out of a fucking helicopter? Dog: Woof. Franklin: His parachute failed to open? Dog: Woof. Franklin: And now you kind of wish he'd missed the tree? Dog: Woof. Franklin: But morality is a human construct and you're not hardwired to think that way? I can't believe I'm getting smart-talked by a fucking dog. Dog: Woof. Franklin: Say what? Dog: Woof. Franklin: Wait, you talkin' about my kind of bitches or yours? Dog: Woof. Franklin: This shit is getting weird now, man.
It's worth noting that the dog disappears right after Franklin gets to the guy, meaning that Franklin wasn't just getting smart-talked by a dog... he may have been getting smart-talked by an angel pretending to be a dog.
Michael:Well how about you? Why don't you share with the group? I'm here. I'll back the facts. Trevor: That checks cashed place? I went in, took 'em for eight grand, walked out. Michael: It was a bit more complicated than that, though, wasn't it, T? Trevor:MaybeI knew the guy, maybehe ID'd me...] Michael:Maybe you did six months. Trevor:Maybe I was out in four- and that, children, is why we don't leave witnesses! Michael: That, children, is why you don't rob people that you know!
Later on during the over-the-top shootout with the cops, Michael tries to remind Trevor, who's busy spouting one-liners, to treat the situation seriously. Trevor is quick to point out the absurdity of the situation.
Trevor: I've got a minigun, you humorless prick!
In one mission, Trevor is flying in a helicopter with a camera that can scan peoples' drivers licenses to check their arrest records. The first person he checks is Franklin, who we find out was arrested for... Public Exposure. It leads to this exchange:
Trevor: Was my African-American friend unjustfully arrested?! LSPD helicopter pilot: (utterly terrified) It isn't like that around here, man. We have come such a long way, we have minority quotas now! Trevor: Your nightsticks is the only thing that has minority quotas!
Another one that happens on the same mission that's incredibly easy to miss because it requires a huge Violation of Common Sense: watch Michael make his way to the meat grinder instead of switching to Franklin and, on the way, you get this gem.
Michael: Hey, I ain't even gonna make a tasty hamburger! I only drink broccoli juice!
One of the last FIB missions, "The Wrap Up", contains what is possibly the most over-the-top Mexican Standoff in recent memory. Let's just say that at some point a gunship gets involved. However in the beginning when Steve Haines enters into another Villainous Breakdown, it comes off as Narmy the way he says it. For example, when Dave Norton tries to point out how the whole situation is "unorthodox"...
It doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Rockstar, considering how many motion-captured actors there are at once in a game where cutscenes usually contain no more than four or five actors at a time.
Despite its grim nature, "By The Book" has a single funny moment between Michael and Dave, while they look for a man they need to kill. Once Trevor "gotten some info" from Mr. K who tells you what the man looks like, Michael can spot and kill said man while Dave is talking. Dave's utter disbelief over how fast Michael killed the man while Mike just bemuses it all as a "gut feeling".
When they finally get back to her place, we learn that Trevor apparently damaged or tore off Madrazo's ear in a fit of rage during the kidnapping. In contrast to his previous menacing demeanor, he's now absolutely terrified of Trevor, to the point that he's practically grovelling at the sight of him.
If you try to jump a wall and hit it at the wrong angle, you'll simply smack into it and fall down. The first time it happens, it's catches you completely off guard, and it's hilarious.
In fact, if you jump and hit the cancel button ("B" on the 360), you'll just faceplant onto the pavement. There's absolutely no reason for this to be in the game, other than to make your character suffer.
You know how you can greet people on the street, and they'll respond with generic answers? There's one guy who responds to "What's up?" with a long, angry rant about his life.
Pretty much everything that comes out of Wade's mouth after Trevor drops him off at the Vanilla Unicorn:
The last we see of Trevor before going in to "meet" the manager of the Vanilla Unicorn is him closing the door behind himself saying, "Prepare to meet your new 'partner...'" Still focusing on the door, the scene suddenly turns red - as though Trevor's rampage mode has been activated - before switching to another character.
In Reuniting The Family, Michael hits Fabien (Amanda's yoga instructor who she's been sleeping with) in the head with some woman's laptop (who was writing a screenplay in public and trying to get the others to shut up.). Afterwards he goes and picks up Tracey and walks in on Lazlow saying he'll get her back on the show if she gives him a blowjob. Michael then makes him pay and forces him to get her on the show. After this, the De Santa family go to therapy and it quickly turns into Michael and Amanda yelling at one another and Amanda tells him to "find a center" and Michael ends up screaming "HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK MY COCK?!".
A subtle one: Trevor Phillips Enterprises is never given a completely consistent name. It's also referred to as Trevor Phillips Industries, Trevor Philips Enterprise, Trevor Philips Corporation, TPI Conglomerate, TP Conglomerate, and TP, Inc. Trevor never actually keeping the name consistent is hilariously in-character for him.
Now you're posthumously ironic!! You ruined everything, for everyone!!! It's true what they say: HIPSTERS! ARE!!DEAD!!!
In the final session with Dr. Friedlander, he mentions that women used to call him "Pube Head" due to his curly hair. Moments later, when he's running away from an angry Michael, Michael may yell out "PUBE HEAD!" at him.
The cutscene where Wade tells Trevor he might have located Michael. Plenty of moments, actually:
When Wade mentions he did find a "Michael De Santa" fitting the description, married to a woman named Amanda:
Trevor: (In as proud a tone as he can muster) You're a genius, ya moron! Come on, c'mere! (Wade climbs the fence; Trevor punches him back down) Don't you ever not tell me shit I wanna know! Trevor: We're going to Los Santos!... Let's go, Wade! C'mon, I'm drivin'. You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm joking! You can suck me off. Wade:...We goin' to stop for ice cream?
The more you do the Epsilon missions, the more seemingly-brainwashed Michael appears. Almost all he says in the later missions is "Kifflom." Of course, his true state depends on how you do the last Epsilon mission.
Michael:[After stealing $2.1 million from founder Cris Formage.] Got to go, brother-brother! Kifflom!
Michael, Franklin and Trevor each have their own in-game LifeInvader pages that can be accessed from their phones, and update often after missions. While all three guys have some funny stuff to be found on their pages, Michael's takes the cake for hilarity, due to his family members' comments on his wall. You can also go to Amanda's, Tracey's and Jimmy's pages for even more laughs - Jimmy's page in particular is just hysterical.
Right after said beating of the folding chair, Lazlow, the host of the show, hauls ass out of the studio, with Michael and Trevor having to give chase; once they catch up to him, Trevor forces Lazlow to strip down to his drawers and dance if he wants to live. The kicker, Trevor's recording Lazlow dancing just for extra humiliation.
During said mission, you park illegally, and the parking attendant complains that you can't park there. You have the choice to sock him in the face. And doing this is actually a gold requirement called "No, I can park here".
And after that scene, Trevor (still pissed off about Michael's "betrayal" in North Yankton) bumps into a CGF homie on his way out:
Trevor: (As if he heard something) What was that? CGF homie: What? Trevor:What was that?! CGF homie: Uh... nothing. ( Trevorlays out the CGF homie in one punch, and snarls at him) Trevor:Asshole! (screams to the neighborhood) Everybody! Assholes!!! (storms off)
The cutscene that introduces Trevor to Nigel and Mrs. Thornhill, an elderly British couple obsessed with collecting celebrity "memorabilia," in which the two mistake Trevor for former stuntman and governor runner-up Jock Cranley, and ask to take a picture. Trevor, playing along, poses for the picture as if he's choking Nigel, but, Trevor being Trevor, quickly descends into strangling Nigel proper until Mrs. Thornhill hits Trevor with her purse, then the couple carry their conversation on as if nothing happened.
The entire series of missions with the pair contain some of Trevor's funniest dialogue in the game; despite his initial misgivings, he's clearly having a ball victimizing the rich and famous for petty reasons (especially when driving Al DiNapoli out to the train tracks to murder him in spectacular fashion), and eventually grows rather fond of the old dingbats for being even more deranged than he is.
Trevor's bicycle race with Mary Ann is hilarious from start to finish. See for yourself.
Trevor: Just think of all the angry revenge sex! Mary Ann: I am not having sex with you! Get that through your thick head! Trevor: Okay, then jack me off into a cup. Slap me around. We got options, baby!
When you go steal the Z-type with Trevor:
Trevor: "So who's gonna be at the airstrip? That dick who won't pay us 'til we get all the cars or (lustful) Molly. Franklin: "I don't know dog. Both, I think. Molly and Devin." Trevor: "Oh. Well when you see her, tell I said Hi." Franklin: "What? No." Trevor: "Oh come on!" I thought is was just about time to settle down." Franklin: (laughs) "Man, you gon' need a lion tamer or something. Molly might have balls but you is something else." Trevor: "Just put in a good word for me." Franklin: "Man, I ain't hitting on no one for your ass." Trevor: (mock anger) "What!? After everything I've done for you. You're just like Michael."
Trevor's response to one of the crew members you can hire:
"Y'know, it really irks me when people refer to my lifestyle choice as a game."
As horrific as the torture scene is, it does have its moments of gallows humor, and Trevor and Steve Haines work surprisingly well together.
If Molly's death by Turbine Blender isn't Nightmare Fuel, then it's Bloody Hilarious, especially considering how sudden and out of the blue it is. Things are even more darkly funny when you later find out that the film she was trying so desperately to keep out of Michael's hands has plenty of digital copies in storage, making the entire chase and her resulting death completely pointless.
"Monkey Business" finds Michael going on a diving mission for the FIB, with David Norton and Steve Haines. The dialogue in the mission is often hilarious, especially between Michael and Steve.
Michael: (After Steve brings up a useless fact about the Oxy-Hydro cutter he's using) So, you got any more little facts for me from the instruction manual? Steve: Thought you'd want some intel on the equipment we sourced using your hard-won funds. Michael: Ah, I figured it was all gonna go on a wardrobe full of windbreakers... oh, and maybe some nipple clamps.
A little later...
Michael: (As they're swimming up an underwater tunnel) Ah, I feel like I'm giving a colonoscopy to the Statue of Happiness! Steve: Nice change from being up Trevor Phillips' ass all day. David: You feel that? Water's getting warmer. Michael: You wet your pants, Davy? Steve: This is a cooling tunnel. Of course it's getting warmer. No one urinated. Michael: Uh... I know for a fact that that ain't true.
As Michael and Franklin finish surveying the fašade of the Union Depository, the game cuts back to Trevor pissing at the side of the road.
When Hao first challenges Franklin to a race, he openly claims he's getting first place. However, the game doesn't change the scripting of vehicle activity for when he pulls out of his alley, so it's possible that - as he's done smack-talking you - he plows right into someone's car.
The movie Meltdown. Just, the whole thing.
An unintentional example: if the player quickly switches characters from one who's in a diving suit (easily gained by exiting the submarine underwater) and starts a mission that stars the previous character, they'll play through the mission still in the full wetsuit with a rebreather in their mouth.
Trevor┤s weed trip, where he begins imagining an army of evil, dancing clowns trying to kill him. From the clowns attacking to the priceless sounds (including squeaky shoes) and Trevor┤s remarks about the clowns not being funny, it┤s simply HILARIOUS.
When driving through Chamberlain on the TV crime exposÚ The Underbelly of Paradise:
Steve Haines:(Obviously nervous) H-hey... you guys stay out of trouble, now. Balla: Suck my di*BLEEP*k, Steve fu*BLEEP*kin' Haines! (Steve goes quiet, uneasily glances at the camera)
Some of the NPC dialogue is just terribly weird.
Families Gangster: Hey. You like potato salad? 'Cause I like potato salad, nigga. Other Gangster: Hey, that's the game.
Hispanic NPC: You're that guy from Midget Fuckers 22 I know it!
Redneck NPC: Man, that toilet cleaner's got me real messed up! Other Redneck: You're acting like I'm interested, which I ain't.
Hispanic NPC:[After crashing into the protagonist.] Is it wrong how turned on I am?
You don't even have to be pushing the button to get some hilarity out of Michael. Several of his quotes after wrecking into somebody are pure comedy gold.
Michael:HEY! I LIKE THIS CAR!!! Michael: OH, YOU SCREWED UP MY CAR! Michael: "Youfool!" Michael: "You entitled piece of shit!"
Trevor's lines are, if anything, even funnier.
Trevor: I just hope that BROKE YOUR GODDAMN NECK!! Trevor:THAT WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! Trevor: YOU HIT ME! Trevor: I'm making a personal injury claim!!!!!
Trevor (Running over an animal): The Apex Predator in action.
A player once had Franklin take Trevor to a movie and had accidentally started a fist fight. Trevor's response? Startshooting people.
The same thing happened to another player in a bar. Trevor's response? An LMG.
Some of the post-mission cutscenes in Online occasionally have the employer reacting to the player with awkward silence. Trevor, however...
(Trevor walks out of his trailer to check on the player's delivered vehicle) Trevor: Yeah, just leave it there... (The player looks back at the vehicle, then back at Trevor) Trevor: God, and I thought I was weird!
This also happens sometimes when completing a mission for Ron:
Trevor: Ron, go out and talk to that creepy friend of yours that doesn't speak!
During Trevor's hunting minigame you can send pictures of your kills to anyone in Trevor's contact list with some amusing replies.
The British group known as the Ultimate Sidemen has pulled out many great GTA shenanigans, especially their races.
When Hudson Mohawke released his contribution to the soundtrack, "100HM", on his Soundcloud, it came with this song artwork.
The three main cast members were in an interview with IGN, when Ned Luke is asked by the reporter how it feels to be... Franklin. Without missing a beat, Ned does a passable imitation of Franklin's accent.