Characters / The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!
Here's a list of characters from the webcomic The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!.
The webcomic's own detailed character descriptions can be found here.
Bob is a very nice but very ordinary man, whose life had been "uneventful almost to the point of noteworthiness, but not quite," who one day, for reasons he does not understand, became a magnet for all things paranormal.
He runs a newsstand in the suburb of Generictown. Bob has a kind and very mellow personality. He's no intellectual, but he's wiser than he looks—he's good at both debating with megalomaniacs just why
they shouldn't destroy the world; and at figuring out solutions to problems which seem obvious once he's said them, but not before then. He's physically unremarkable, but he will push himself to the limits of his strength and endurance for the sake of those he loves. And by now, he's become very adaptable to the absurdities constantly being thrown into his life, and it takes a lot to faze him—though this may be more due to being thick-skulled than being broad-minded."Oh boy! Crunchy peanut butter! If I get it home in time, I can have peanut butter fluffer-nutters during the
Laverne & Shirley reunion show!""I guess Generictown
isn't the most exciting town in America. When a good bake sale comes up, most of us don't want to miss it! Myself, I stayed home 'cause they're showing
Love Story on cable this afternoon.""Huh?"
Dr. Jean Poule
Jean is a biologist at Generictown University. She met Bob when they collided on the sidewalk. She was carrying her life's work, a genetic experiment in a test tube, and Bob was carrying a jar of peanut butter—the two combined to form Molly the Peanut Butter Monster. Bob asked her to coffee, and after a couple of dates they hit it off very well and began going steady. Jean is much better educated than Bob, and better able to grasp the implications of much of what goes on in his life (this is not necessarily an advantage, as it freaks her out a lot of the time). She is far more emotional than Bob, and when in a bad mood her fury has been known to frighten Sasquatches. She is currently raising Molly, and loves her deeply. She laments the state of her career, because her experiment was ruined (and she's reluctant to expose Molly to much scientific scrutiny)."If I can make it to Algy's House of Discount Agar before closing time, I can start the test tonight!""Egads... the awful thing is I'm so far gone I
believe you.""ARE YOU CLINICALLY INSANE?!?!"
Molly The Peanut Butter Monster
Molly is a lab accident, a pink furry monster with a peppermint striped tail, who grew to human size in the space of one month. She is superhumanly intelligent but not very wise (the opposite of Bob), able to build advanced technology like robots and interstellar communicators out of scraps. Her personality is childlike and generally very cheerful, reflecting her happy if brief childhood, raised by Bob. She is currently living with Jean, and she wants her "parents" to get married. Her speech patterns are unusual, reflecting her broad reading and TV-watching interests, so she intersperses bits of teenage slang, outmoded medieval language, technical jargon, and kindergarten talk into the same sentence without giving it a thought."Zounds and jeepers!"
(to Galatea) "Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?"I'm buildin' a new interstellar transmitter! So I need an umbrella, a Speak n' Spell, and a baloney sandwich! The sandwich isn't part of the mechanism; I'm just hungry!"
Voluptua is heir to the throne of the interstellar Nemesite Empire. Their homeworld circles Nemesis, an undetected brown dwarf not far from Earth's solar system (yes, that
Nemesis Star). Earth is part of the empire, though humanity doesn't know it; they've designated Earth as a nature preserve, and consider humans part of the local wildlife. In their natural form, Nemesites resemble man-sized butterflies, although Voluptua usually uses a shape-shifting device to appear as a strikingly beautiful woman when dealing with humans. Voluptua has recently taken the title of Vicereign of Earth's solar system. She is a good and just leader who takes her responsibilities very seriously, although she views many of the conceits of royalty as being a bit ridiculous."Ah, and I see you've established yourself with the planet's intelligentsia.""Well, yes, we
have held the lease to your planet for half a billion years... but we're not going to start charging rent or anything... I mean, charging rent from the wildlife would be silly!""I am Voluptua, heir to the throne of Nemesis, and you will stand down!"
Galatea (or Golly, as Bob has nicknamed her) is a clone of Molly secretly grown by Jean's boss, Dean Martin (no, not that
Dean Martin). During her one-month childhood, the dean treated her as a lab specimen, never showing any love or parental compassion, though he did allow her access to his library full of books by Nietzsche and Ayn Rand. When she finally escaped from him, she had become intensely paranoid and bitter, and believed herself and Molly to be ubermenschen destined to overthrow mankind. Thanks to Bob, Molly, and Jean, she has calmed down, and her megalomaniacal ambitions have abated somewhat. She has apparently become a successful burglar (Bob, Jean, and Molly are unaware of this), thus financing a ritzy life for herself in Paris (Molly knows she's been living in Paris, but has been too naive to ask how she's supporting herself). She has invented a holographic projector disguised as a hat, with which she can appear human, though she usually gets by without it through sheer audacity (most people are too polite or too startled to point out how weird she looks). She can be distinguished from Molly by the fact that Golly likes to wear clothes,
while Molly is a happy furry nudist."We are a new race, more intelligent than man and obliged to supplant him! We... are the
ubermensch!... Or is that ubermenschen? Or uberfrauen...?""Ahhh! The sky is bleeding!... Oh. 'Rain.' Right, I read about that.""I'm here! I'm the Singularity and I'm ready!!"
Fructose Riboflavin is the greatest criminal in the Nemesite Empire, and has dedicated his life to overthrowing its government and becoming emperor. At 1,900+ years old, he is very elderly, even by the long-lived Nemesites' standards. He keeps himself in good shape and is an excellent hand-to-hand combatant, though he will grumble about aches and pains afterward. On the one hand, Riboflavin is a clear villain, complete with cackling laughter and a complete disregard for the lives of others. Yet on the other hand, he's a lonely, even pitiable old wretch who has wasted his entire life desperately seeking an outlandish goal he set for himself as a small child in a moment of grief after witnessing his highway bandit father's death at the hands of the emperor's guards.
He's fully aware of how empty his life is, and it's not unusual after a scheme has failed for him to literally break down in tears, because after almost two millenia
of trying to conquer the empire, he just can't do it.
But he always finds the determination to return to his mad goal for yet another try. He is terrifyingly resourceful, good at manipulating others, and almost impossible to keep locked up. When dealing with Earthlings, he uses a shape-shifter unit to appear as a handsome and muscular man; unlike his real form as a withered old moth-creature with frayed wings."I said
BOW, you half-sentient lemur!""That was taken out of context. And I
like heads on pikes. I find them charmingly decorative.""Nyah-hah-hah-hahahahahaha!!!"
Hibachi The Dragon
Hibachi is a fire-breathing dragon. In the age of the dinosaurs, Earth was ruled by dragons. However, a botched first contact by the Nemesites made the dragons panic and start a war among themselves. This culminated in their detonation of an iridium bomb, which wiped out the dinosaurs and destroyed the dragons' civilization. The Nemesites helped them recover, on the condition that they join the Empire. The dragons shunned most technology after the disaster, living as "rustic philosophers" in the Earth's wildernesses. When humans came along, the two races clashed, and the dragons chose to leave Earth for a world in the Kuiper Belt which they terraformed and named Butane. Hibachi is a Butanian dragon, in service to his vicereign, Princess Voluptua. He secretly harbors a crush on her.
Generally a good guy, even chivalrous, he has a low opinion of most humans but counts Bob and Jean among his trusted friends. All dragons talk in "pseudo-medeival speak," a lot like Marvel Comics
' Thor."When yon wee box goes up, it shall mightily smite all things for leagues in every direction!""Ought I not to... breathe fire at them, or some such? I feel... restless.""Grrrr!"
When Bob briefly wound up in prison, his cellmate was humongous scary goon Rocko Sasquatch. Rocko actually turned out to be a pretty nice guy (he was locked up for beating the living daylights out of some guys who were trying to evict his adoptive mother), and he and Bob corresponded by mail until Rocko was finally released. He was adopted as a baby, and only learned recently that he is a bigfoot, abandoned by his clan because he was born bald. He has now been reunited with them. The bigfeet have access to very large diamonds and gave him one, with the result that
Rocko is suddenly very wealthy. Rocko has a thick Brooklyn accent he picked up from his adoptive mother. He has an innocent crush on Molly, ("I've always dug hairy chicks! Dunno why!") and was disappointed when she rejected him (although Bob was relieved). He is younger than Bob, although he looks older. He is a gentle giant, but it is still unwise to provoke him."Da etiquette school didn't hire me. Dey said I was 'uncouth.' Whatever
dat means.""I beat th' tar outta some dudes.""It's kinda borin' bein' rich! I need somethin' ta do!"
Agent Ben and Agent Jerry
Two FBI agents who frequently get stuck investigating the strange events in Bob's life. Much to their own displeasure, they have recently been promoted to being full-time "paranormal investigators," so now they're constantly stuck with assignments like checking out fish people reports in Innsmouth
and stuff like that. Ben is tall and thin, and fairly easy-going. Jerry is short and fat, and has a bad temper. In their black suits and dark glasses, they look rather like the Blues Brothers
, and Bob in fact mistook them for them when they first met. "Oh Mr. Belushi! I always knew you weren't really dead!""A 'paranormal taskforce.' We are a 'paranormal taskforce' ... How the $#?!! did that happen? I used to be a real cop! We
both used to be real cops!""Hi, Bob. Don't try to hug Jerry this time; he's packing heat.""Ben, don't side with this anarchist!"
Roofus the Robot
Since spaceships and other large objects are always crashing into Bob's roof, Molly decided to do her daddy a favor by building a robot to fix his roof. (She used parts from Jean's uncle's milking machine, much to his chagrin.) The result was Roofus, a hulking big robot that is very good at fixing roofs. However, Molly did the job a little too
well, and was surprised to discover Roofus was sentient
and wanted to find some meaning in life once his first repair job was done. Roofus is very simple-minded and doesn't talk much, but he has an appreciation of beauty and has a need for a sense of purpose; "soulful" is probably the best word for him. Princess Voluptua agreed to take him away to raise on Butane, where they were more used to dealing with artificial beings. He is now an official member of her court, and wears a fancy sash to display this. Still, his favorite pastime is fixing roofs, and he will gladly jump at any opportunity to do so. His catch phrase is a matter-of-fact "I will fix the roof!""I will fix the roof!""Will I see... the sky... when I am off?""I have... touched the sky... walked on other worlds... and I will go back to them tonight, and I am glad... but till then... I really, really
like fixing roofs!!! (contented happy sigh!)"
- Crush. Kill. Destroy!: Throws a tantrum of existential despair when his first roof repair job is ruined, but he cheers up when Bob points out that now he'll get to fix it again!.
Snookums the Tentacle Bunny
Snookums is Molly's pet space alien. One of Riboflavin's evil schemes once involved unleashing a gigantic tentacled monster on the Earth (it was really only peripheral to his main plan, but nonetheless, Snookums ended up dropping through the atmosphere onto Bob's roof). However, environmental conditions on Earth caused Snookums to shrink to the size of a basketball. He's not the least bit hostile, and doesn't seem to mind his size change very much. Molly named him Snookums and keeps him as a pet. He still has all of his original mass,
however, and the ground shakes with a loud WHAM! every time he hops around. He resembles a bunny rabbit with six tentacles instead of forelegs, and another two tentacles instead of ears. He has super senses, because he still has just as many nerve endings packed into a small space as he did when he was big, and this makes him an excellent tracker. He has only animal intelligence and cannot speak, though he does make noises like "Iggy wiggy bappa fazoo!" and "Glib!" that would probably mean something to another member of his species."Glib! Glib glib glib!"
- Kaiju: He used to be one till he got shrunk.
Oswald Blivius Bystander
A regular customer of Bob's newsstand, and an antisocial grouch."I know you're self-employed, but you really should consider firing yourself!"
- The Napoleon: Short and eternally bad-tempered.
- Punny Name
- Unsatisfiable Customer: Almost never has a kind word for Bob — just wants his newspaper, and is furious when he can't get it.
- Weirdness Censor: Common in Generictown, but this is Mr. Bystander's defining character trait. No matter what lunacy is going on around him, he notices absolutely none of it — until it inconveniences him in some way, in which case his reaction is invariably rage instead of fear.
NessieThe Loch Ness Monster
is very cute.
She was kidnapped by a bad guy but escaped and now lives in Lake Generic. She follows Bob around sometimes, unobtrusively."Coo!"
- Dinosaurs Are Dragons: She's a newt mutated by radiation during the dragons' war that wiped out the dinosaurs.
- Hidden in Plain Sight: She can hide herself almost instantly, wherever she is. She's had millions of years of practice.