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Quotes / Who Writes This Crap?!

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"Bring me the vile creature who drew this cartoon!"
Dr. Robotnik, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehognote 

"Who wrote this crap? Oh yeah, Scott. Well, uhh, good work."

"Who writes this guy's stuff?"
Eddy, Ed, Edd n Eddy

"Rosebud... yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness and green pea-ness. Wait, that's terrible, I quit."

Here, under protest, is 'beef burgers.' "We know a little place in the American far west, where Charlie Briggs chops up the finest prairie-fed beef and tastes..." This is a lot of shit, you know that?
Orson Welles (for real this time), in the infamous "Frozen Peas" Blooper Reel (which Maurice LaMarche was parodying in the preceding quote)

"I was wondering how those hack writers were going to wrap things up."

"Right. Let's give this a whirl. 'Oh eternal and all powerful Lord, to whom the darkness itself bows down, from whom flows the damnation of humankind...' who writes this dross?"

The Nostalgia Critic: Okay, your story sucks.
"The shadowy conspiracy theory would work fine...if we really kept anything secret about ourselves. But we don't. At least...I don't. If anyone asked us, we pretty much told them upfront. About anything. Anyone that really wanted to look into how we operated just had to ask. But they didn't. ...It's kind of like someone's trying to write a knockoff of The Da Vinci Code, but forget to ensure all the red herrings lined up."

"…what? Who writes this junk?"
Kooper, Paper Mario X, "Epilogue: The Last Good-bye"

Daffy Duck: I wonder where all the hunters are today? [gets shot by said hunters]
Bugs Bunny: I'd like to tell him, but, uh... [chuckles] modesty forbids.

This sounds like the premise for a bad Saturday morning cartoon.
Julian, Digimon re:GENESIS

"...Who the hell wrote this crap?!"
Lord Zetta, Makai Kingdom, when confronted with living corn cobs

Harry, I don't know who I am anymore. What I just did is so Out of Character that I don't know what came over me!

Executioner: This is the seven o'clock noose. This is the nine o'clock noose. This is the noose at ten. And the fellow who wrote that joke.

Whoever wrote this episode should DIE!
Gwen Dimarco, Galaxy Quest

"Page 62, 'Johnny Cage dies?' Is someone high?!"
Johnny Cage, Mortal Kombat 11

"Thank you, ladies and germs! I, uh — I just slithered in from headquarters, and — ha ha ha — and boy, does my stomach hurt! But, uh, seriously, folks, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio... [screams in frustration] NO! No, I cannot continue with this idiotic drivel!"
Destro, "Cobrathon", just before shooting his cue card to pieces

Who wrote this dialogue!? Who looked at this script and said it was okay?
Chris Zito, Nekopara Let's Play

If there were no books in the world, I'd never have to scream, "Who published this trash!?"

Yo, Master, what the hell's going on!? What's a giant mechanical little girl doing outside? Oh, right, she's not really little anymore, is she? So, just plain old giant mechanical dragon girl then?
Ugh, what the shit, man? Who comes up with this stuff?
Assassin of Shinjuku, Fate/Grand Order

People tell me most consoles aim for being loss leaders these days. Well, I don't know about that but they certainly are Dross Leaders! Leaders in the field of Dross! (beat) You know, I got paid money to write that!
Yahtzee Croshaw, Zero Punctuation

James: These drawing boards have been the birthplace of some of the most beloved animal characters of all time. So it's no surprise that the artists chose, for our next segment, "The Carnival of the Animals" by Camille Saint-Saëns. Here, the sensitive strains of impressionistic music combine with the subtle artistry of the animator to finally answer that age-old question: what is man's relationship to nature?
(Eric Goldberg hands him the script)
James: Oh, sorry. That age-old question: what would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? Who wrote this?

Look, it is Fire Dedede! Our hero! ...I would never say that.
Meta Knight, Kirby: Right Back at Ya!note 

I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!

I think the writers are tired. Or drunk. Probably a little of both.
The Narrator, Sgt. Frog

"With the Golden Disk finally within my grasp, I posses the unlimited power to... (script says putitinmyass) duh... [breaks character] I can't... No... I just can't."

What is this segment? [Beat] Pretzels is the same.
Hannibal Burress, The Eric Andre Show, "Hannibal's Pretzels"

Proto Man: Mega Man?
Author: No. I am the being that controls your every thought and movement!
Proto Man: Who?
Author: I'm the author of this comic strip!
Proto Man: Oh, so you're the hack to blame for this mess.


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