"Bring me the vile creature who drew this cartoon!"
Dr. Eggman: Water you waiting for? Climb aboard the exotic aquarium for a boatload of—ugh, who writes this drivel?
Orbot: You do, boss!
Dr. Eggman: Oh you're right, I do! I'm hilarious!
Orbot: You do, boss!
Dr. Eggman: Oh you're right, I do! I'm hilarious!
"Who wrote this crap? Oh yeah, Scott. Well, uhh, good work."
— Roger Wilco, Space Quest VI: Roger Wilco in the Spinal Frontier
"Who writes this guy's stuff?"
— Eddy, Ed, Edd n Eddy, "Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?"
"Rosebud... yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness and green pea-ness. Wait, that's terrible, I quit."
Here, under protest, is 'beef burgers.' "We know a little place in the American far west, where Charlie Briggs chops up the finest prairie-fed beef and tastes..." This is a lot of shit, you know that?
— Orson Welles (for real this time), in the infamous "Frozen Peas" Blooper Reel (which Maurice LaMarche was parodying in the preceding quote)
"I was wondering how those hack writers were going to wrap things up."
— Babs Bunny, Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation
"Right. Let's give this a whirl. 'Oh eternal and all-powerful Lord, to whom the darkness itself bows down, from whom flows the damnation of humankind...' who writes this dross?"
— Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (2002)
The Nostalgia Critic: Okay, your story sucks.
"The shadowy conspiracy theory would work fine...if we really kept anything secret about ourselves. But we don't. At least...I don't. If anyone asked us, we pretty much told them upfront. About anything. Anyone that really wanted to look into how we operated just had to ask. But they didn't. ...It's kind of like someone's trying to write a knockoff of The Da Vinci Code, but forget to ensure all the red herrings lined up."
— Umika, We Are Our Adventuring Avatars
"…what? Who writes this junk?"
— Kooper, Paper Mario X, "Epilogue: The Last Good-bye"
Daffy Duck: I wonder where all the hunters are today? [gets shot by said hunters]
Daffy Duck: [enraged] I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT!!
Bugs Bunny: I'd like to tell him, but, uh... [chuckles] modesty forbids.
Daffy Duck: [enraged] I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT!!
Bugs Bunny: I'd like to tell him, but, uh... [chuckles] modesty forbids.
This sounds like the premise for a bad Saturday morning cartoon.
— Julian, Digimon re:GENESIS
"...Who the hell wrote this crap?!"
— Lord Zetta, Makai Kingdom, when confronted with living corn cobs
Harry, I don't know who I am anymore. What I just did is so Out of Character that I don't know what came over me!
This is the seven o'clock noose. This is the nine o'clock noose. And this is the noose at ten. And this... (camera pans down to a man in modern dress on a chopping block) is the person who wrote that joke.
—Executioner, Horrible Histories
Whoever wrote this episode should DIE!
— Gwen Dimarco, Galaxy Quest
"Page 62, 'Johnny Cage dies?' Is someone high?!"
— Johnny Cage, Mortal Kombat 11
"Thank you, ladies and germs! I, uh — I just slithered in from headquarters, and — ha ha ha — and boy, does my stomach hurt! But, uh, seriously, folks, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio... [screams in frustration] NO! No, I cannot continue with this idiotic drivel!"
— Destro, "Cobrathon", just before shooting his cue card to pieces
If there were no books in the world, I'd never have to scream, "Who published this trash!?"
Yo, Master, what the hell's going on!? What's a giant mechanical little girl doing outside? Oh, right, she's not really little anymore, is she? So, just plain old giant mechanical dragon girl then?
Ugh, what the shit, man? Who comes up with this stuff?
— Assassin of Shinjuku, Fate/Grand Order
Though I fall to dew, and fade away with the mist... Hm? Hang on. This is Monkey's deathbed haiku. Okay, seriously. What hack wrote this garbage? Well, no matter. Farewell...
— Demon King of the Sixth Heaven - Himiko (Oda Nobunaga), taking part in a play, Fate/Grand Order
People tell me most consoles aim for being loss leaders these days. Well, I don't know about that but they certainly are dross leaders! Leaders in the field of dross! (Beat) You know, I got paid money to write that!
— Yahtzee Croshaw, Zero Punctuation
James: These drawing boards have been the birthplace of some of the most beloved animal characters of all time. So it's no surprise that the artists chose, for our next segment, "The Carnival of the Animals" by Camille Saint-Saëns. Here, the sensitive strains of impressionistic music combine with the subtle artistry of the animator to finally answer that age-old question: what is man's relationship to nature?
(Eric Goldberg hands him the script)
James: Oh, sorry. That age-old question: what would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? Who wrote this?
(Eric Goldberg hands him the script)
James: Oh, sorry. That age-old question: what would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? Who wrote this?
Look, it is Fire Dedede! Our hero! ...I would never say that.
— Meta Knight, Kirby: Right Back at Ya!note
I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!
— Mr. Bitte, during the "Cabin Fever" musical number in Muppet Treasure Island
I think the writers are tired. Or drunk. Probably a little of both.
— The Narrator, Sgt. Frog
"With the Golden Disk finally within my grasp, I possess the unlimited power to... (script says putitinmyass) Uh... [breaks character] I can't... No... I just can't. I just can't..."
What is this segment? [Beat] Pretzels is the same.
— Hannibal Burress, The Eric Andre Show, "Hannibal's Pretzels"
Proto Man: Mega Man?
Author: No. I am the being that controls your every thought and movement!
Proto Man: Who?
Author: I'm the author of this comic strip!
Proto Man: Oh, so you're the hack to blame for this mess.
Diabel: So as you enter the Boss Room, he's going to throw wave-after-wave of disposable minions at you. And you must answer in kind?
Kirito: uh, what?
Diabel: ...Send the Weaker Players first. Good rule-of-thumb, if a Player asks you for Gold 2-seconds after meeting you: Front Lines...
Kibao: HA! Serves 'em right!
Diabel: ...If they hijack conversations to rant about their political views: Front Lines...
Kibao: Oh shit...
Diabel: ...If they ask Female Players for pics of their boobs: Front Lines.
Male Gamers: "Oh BULLSHIT!" "That's Discrimination!" "BOO!"
Diabel: Now-now people, I believe there are some valid points being made here. Now, it goes on to say When Illfang's Health goes into the Red, he's going to switch from his Axe-and-Buckler to something called a Talwar. At that point we should initiate a strategy called "The Final Solution" and- I'm just gonna stop reading! Jesus, who wrote this thing?
Kirito: uh, what?
Diabel: ...Send the Weaker Players first. Good rule-of-thumb, if a Player asks you for Gold 2-seconds after meeting you: Front Lines...
Kibao: HA! Serves 'em right!
Diabel: ...If they hijack conversations to rant about their political views: Front Lines...
Kibao: Oh shit...
Diabel: ...If they ask Female Players for pics of their boobs: Front Lines.
Male Gamers: "Oh BULLSHIT!" "That's Discrimination!" "BOO!"
Diabel: Now-now people, I believe there are some valid points being made here. Now, it goes on to say When Illfang's Health goes into the Red, he's going to switch from his Axe-and-Buckler to something called a Talwar. At that point we should initiate a strategy called "The Final Solution" and- I'm just gonna stop reading! Jesus, who wrote this thing?
— Diabel reading the Strategy Guide, Sword Art Online Abridged
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: Darkness within darkness awaits you, Riku.
(Music cuts out)
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: Okay, time out! Who the hell wrote this script? I mean, really? "Darkness within darkness"? Darkness within freaking darkness?!
Just a Pancake: Stop complaining and continue with the script.
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: I don't get paid enough for this crap.
(Music cuts out)
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: Okay, time out! Who the hell wrote this script? I mean, really? "Darkness within darkness"? Darkness within freaking darkness?!
Just a Pancake: Stop complaining and continue with the script.
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: I don't get paid enough for this crap.
Boo: I wanted nothing more than to strangle this degenerate. Who was this disgraceful dinner? [greenscreen cuts out] Hold up! Cut!
Koopa: You can't cut during a story!
Boo: Dinner?! It's supposed to read "sinner"! "Who was this disgraceful sinner?" Who even prints these books?!
Koopa: Beats me!
Koopa: You can't cut during a story!
Boo: Dinner?! It's supposed to read "sinner"! "Who was this disgraceful sinner?" Who even prints these books?!
Koopa: Beats me!
—StacheBros, "Boo's Death Sentence"
Robotnik: WHAT KIND OF POOP IS THIS?!
Scratch: This?
Robotnik: THIS!
Scratch: This?
Robotnik: Yet again...T H I S ! !
How to write like me:
1 - Write whatever comes naturally.
2 - Nitpick the heck out of it.
3 - Victory dance.
1 - Write whatever comes naturally.
2 - Nitpick the heck out of it.
3 - Victory dance.
— Dan, El Goonish Shive
"…Is this fanfiction?"
— Boomstick's overall opinion on Dragon Ball Heroes, DEATH BATTLE!
"Who wrote this shit?"
Fubuki: *giggles*
Iroha: What the heck?
Noel: Who wrote this?
Lamy: Ugh. This is so stupid.
Iroha: What the heck?
Noel: Who wrote this?
Lamy: Ugh. This is so stupid.
— hololive, "[Overkill] What Happens If We Record with a Strange Script"
Angel Dust: "I am a bad man who never got enough hugs. Where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?" Who wrote this?!
Charlie Morningstar: It's great, right? Keep going.
