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Funny / No Gods, Only Guns

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  • Is Mister Torgue in the chapter you're reading? Then it's probably a hilarious moment.
  • When Brick approaches Tali while she's being attacked by Fist's goons, she tries to shoot him, thinking he's another bandit. He yanks the shotgun out of her hand, so she draws a pistol from her SDU. Brick grabs that gun too. Then she draws an assault rifle, and he snatches that. Then she draws a sniper rifle, and he knocks that out of her hand. Then she draws a rocket launcher.
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  • Most of the dialogue between Tali and Brick.
    “Do we have a plan?” Tali asked, mind racing. Brick shrugged.
    “That’s not a plan!” she muttered.
  • Torgue-Urdnot: Because fuck subtle.
    • To elaborate: Mr. Torgue's first appearance in the fanfic consists of him speaking in nothing but caps, blowing up ten floors of his own headquarters, and shaping the resulting explosion into a giant middle finger leveled right at Maliwan and Hyperion's headquarters. While playing air guitar, no less.
  • The sheer Deadpan Snarker of the narrator in this line:
    "Swift death to the robot-abusing pig ***ers! And then, we shall slay those who programmed the autocensor into my voice module!"
    Narrator: Claptrap provided emotional support.
    • Also in this line:
    ...and the last scumbag has told him said quarry was sending a few of his best men to have a chat with on Chloe Michel, M.D.
    So Brick did what anyone with said information would do when confronted with a locked door.
    • Aaaand these lines:
    "Gaige engineer."
    "Holy freaking crankshaft!"
    The first words spoken in peace between humanity and the geth would likely be kept out of the histories.
    • Salvador rampaging through a neighborhood on Omega, murdering dozens of Blood Pack mercs in a tidal wave of bullets.
    So, y'know.
  • In the early chapters, the Lance boss tells his men that Roland's crew have defected. "All loyal squad members have been brutally executed, and likely, I dunno, dismembered and teabagged."
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  • Claptrap complaining that porn isn't legal tender.
  • When Vega, Axton, and Garrus get done killing an entire warehouse of Eclipse mercs, they start to leave. Then a car randomly explodes behind them for no reason.
  • Niftu Cal. Actual BIOTIC GOD.
  • The sheer amount of Seen It All from the people on Illium.
    • Massive gunfight raging in the building next door to the trading hub. Some people flee. Others? They just activate kinetic barriers and keep on trading.
    • Moxxi off-handedly mentioning that she has special insurance to protect her bar from human-related violence.
    • When Niftu Cal enters the Dantius Towers and starts throwing Eclipse mercs around, human and turian onlookers start taking bets. When he hurls a giant desk into the next wave of Eclipse mercs while shouting his status as a BIOTIC GOD, they respond by betting even more.
    • And according to Char-Nobyl's scene in Chapter 10, overlapping corporate raids are technically classified as natural disasters by Illium insurance companies.
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  • Some of the displays of awesome badassitude are hysterically funny just because of their unexpected source. Take Ambassador Udina nonchalantly wiping the walls with Nine-Toes, for example. Or Niftu Cal effortlessly plowing through a pile of mercenaries.
  • Niftu Cal is simultaneously one of these and a Moment of Awesome with every word out of his mouth.
  • After hearing that there are no less than three other merc teams are assaulting Nassana's HQ, Roland mentions that they'd better get started with their plan before someone else gets involved. Immediately after:
    Handsome Jack: I was thinking about just sitting this one out, but if that's not an invitation, I don't know what is!
  • Joker was expecting to steal a freighter. He was not expecting a Hyperion fast-attack frigate. He and Angel eagerly steal it anyway.
  • Niftu Cal trying and eventually giving up on re-enacting that scene from that turian remake of the asari remake of the old human movie. The bullets, they are just too small!
  • Okeer trolling Nassana. Even funnier when you consider that it's a word-for-word Shout-Out to Deus Ex: Human Revolution.
    Nassana: Okeer? How did you get this frequency?
    Okeer: Ancient krogan secret.
  • Just before this, one of the Eclipse soldiers mentions that Niftu Cal got into an argument with a water cooler...and he lost.
  • Mr. Torgue referring to Niftu Cal as a "TINY BIOTIC PINBALL OF PURE GODD***N BADASS."
  • The canonized snippet from Char-Nobyl, found in Chapter 10. Short story shorter, it's serious Mugging the Monster at work there.
    • This line from the snippet:
    The megacorps were always running operations against each other, ranging in subtlety from "covert" to "Torgue."
  • Niftu Cal managing to get Nassana's frequency... in which he says a line so incredibly absurd, even for this story, that even Handsome Jack is confused.
    "I am a BIOTIC GOD, mortal! And I can SMELL YOUR FREQUENCIES!"
  • 'Splode-hacking. The only way Mister Torgue hacks things is when it results in the target's IT team screaming because their faces got hacked.
  • When Lilith needs to contact Okeer, she asks everyone who has any tech-savvy to help out. The whole team starts activating their omnitools...including Bloodwing.
    Lilith: Wait, your bird has an omnitool?
  • It's worth mentioning that thanks to the various fans screwing around, making headcanons, and pointing out Fridge Brilliance, the Spacebattles threads for the story are also hilarious. Highlights include realizing that mooks are issued white gear because it's cheap and not worth looting and because their bosses realize how expendable they are, realizing that the human equivalent of insurance comes in guns, (Doctor Fluffy: So that's why Hyperion has a line of sniper rifles known as the Policy) The crowning moment, however, is likely everyone's reaction when someone realized that Nazara/ Sovereign is a PSYCHO-SIREN-REAPER. Hilarity and Freak Outs abounded, for well over a page, punctuated by notes from the author that "mine is an evil laugh".
  • Chapter Eleven: People Getting Shot In The Face
    • MANY moments, but the highlight is likely the FISTING-BOOMING SHITPUNCHER curb-stomping three Maliwan frigates and a cruiser, the last one by punching it.
    Abruptly, every comm system in Nos Astra flickered, and Mister Torgue’s muscled specter appeared on every vid screen and holographic projector in the city, as well as in most of the ships in orbit.
    “I’M GONNA GET FINED SO MUCH FOR THIS AND I DON’T GIVE A F***!” He leapt up onto his chair - a massive throne made of guns and missile launchers - and began playing a thrashing air guitar solo.
    • The aforementioned Curbstomp Battle is described as "being Torgue'd and Urdnot'd."
    • The Stinger for that chapter, involving Face McShooty.
    • When Nassana is finally killed, everyone starts cheering, looting the body, or catching their breath. Then Zaeed points out that they needed her encryption key, which likely didn't survive the explosion.
    Feron: ...oops?
  • Pretty much anytime Gaige indulges in her Mad Scientist tendencies, up to and including in the middle of combat. Her reaction to being attacked by the geth on Virmire is to Squee! and beg Deathtrap to be careful when killing them so she can take the intact geth apart herself.
  • Udina's reaction to everything about Gaige.
    Let me get this straight. If what I’m hearing is correct, the most important documentation regarding synthetic-organic relations, and evidence that could lead to lasting peace between humanity and the geth… is a podcast.
  • "I'm the one with the goddamn horse made of diamonds."
  • Saren's reaction when Gaige unintentionally annihilates his entire Virmire operation while looking for spare parts.
    Gaige: Gethtrap was all ‘recommend reconnaissance’ and ‘request reinforcements’ and ‘advise extreme discretion’ but I was all whatev. So we attacked the place.
    • Then Sovereign's reaction: subscribe to her ECHO channel.
  • The entirety of Tali's visit to Hev'Sharro's office. Highlights include Brick and Tali (poorly) trying to imitate Jules Winnifield's interrogation from Pulp Fiction and revealing there's an Asari and Elcor version of it, the reveal that Brick's stomach can somehow process dextro-amino meat, and Brick stealing someone's Porn Stash, implying that he's an Extreme Omnisexual.
  • Maya's snarkery and close-to Only Sane Man status.
    “Hey, guys,” Maya cut in. “Is... anyone else concerned that our Plan B appears to be ‘Fight the entire planet?’”
    • Brick, Shepard, and Nihlus immediately act like that isn't a concern, just shrugging it off.
  • Any time Peptuck answers a question. And the lunacy that follows. Particularly the entries that invoke Brain Bleach, like an asari version of Piston.
  • This line when Gaige offers to "upgrade" the damaged Geth-Buddy you can almost imagine the panic in their voice.
    "This platform is not available for experimentation," Geth-Buddy hastily said.
  • Charns bad luck. Slave raid? You are attacking Salvadors home planet. High bounty on a single human schoolgirl? Gaige.
  • Tediore sells a massive number of guns to the Batarian Hegemony. They then roll out a big firmware update for said guns. Anyone who is familiar with Tediore guns should expect what happens next: every single one of the countless Tediore guns in Batarian space explodes simultaneously. Even in this story, the Batarians remain the universe's butt-monkeys.

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