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Funny / HISHE 2012 to 2013 Episodes

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2012

     How Return of the Jedi Should Have Ended 
  • The first indication that the "I HAVE A SON?!" bit would become a long-running Running Gag, when Vader realizes he has a daughter.
    Darth Vader: [to Luke] Your thoughts betray you, especially for your... sister! You have a twin sister? [beat] I HAVE A DAUGHTER, TOO!? That is wonderful! I must tell everyone else! [offscreen as he leaves the room] I have a daughter, stormtroopers! I have a daughter, bounty hunters!
    The Emperor: [groans] See what you did? Who knows how long he'll be running around like that. Do you realize how annoying it is to put up with him this way—
    Darth Vader: [returns to the room] Hey, wait a second. You told me I killed Padme in my anger.
    Emperor: Uh... yes?
    Vader: Well, how did she manage to deliver two kids? That doesn't add up.
    Emperor: She, uh... lost the will to live....?
    Vader: YOU LIED TO ME! I'LL KILL YOU! GET OVER HERE! [kicks the Emperor's ass offscreen]
  • When Force-Ghost!Anakin appears, the Force Ghosts of all the Padawan children Anakin killed in Revenge of the Sith also appear.
    Yoda: ...Awkward, this is.
  • The stormtroopers lampshade their Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy and Armor Is Useless.
    Stormtrooper: [crying] Why are we so bad at shooting things!?
  • Pointing out Han Solo was blind during his rescue, so he missed the sight of Leia in the slave bikini.
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     How Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows Should Have Ended 

     How Pulp Fiction Should Have Ended 
  • The ending, when Pumpkin and Honeybunny decide to rob the diner because it cuts down on 'the hero factor'... only to discover Superman and Batman sitting in the very next booth.
    Superman: Hi.
  • Don't forget about Marvin's bit in the video.
  • At the end, in the Please Subscribe to Our Channel section:
    Vincent Vega: You know what they call a "Subscribe" button in Paris? "Subscribe with Cheese"!

     How The Hunger Games Should Have Ended 

     Transformers Play Battleship 
  • Megatron constantly interrupting his Battleship game with Optimus Prime to express his inability to accept the existence of a movie based on the simple game. The last straw for Optimus comes when Megatron points out that Battleship even stars Rihanna, and sings, "You sank my ship in a hopeless place!"

     How The Avengers Should Have Ended 
  • The opening sequence of the video, where Loki utterly fails at pulling a Most Definitely Not a Villain moment while watching the battle from his perch on the rock.
    Loki: [cheerfully] Hello!
    Iron Man: You're still here?
    Loki: Yeeeess.
    Thor: Why didn't you run away while we settled our differences?
    Loki: Oh, I'll never tell. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. Mwa-haaa hahaahahahaha...
    Captain America: OK, we're not taking him back to base, he is definitely up to something! [Thor nods in agreement]
  • After Tony asks Superman and Batman if they feel jealous about how epically he and the other Avengers managed to save the world from Loki:
    Batman: I'm not jealous. I'm Batman.
    Superman: I guess I would be jealous, if I wasn't like all of you combined! If I couldn't fly, or shoot lasers, or catch missiles, or see really far, or smash through buildings, or wear red and blue...
    [large piles of money suddenly appear]
    Tony: What's that? You're fading out.
    Steve: Whoa! We've broken too many records!
    Thor: We can't hear you through all of this box office money!
    [The Avengers laugh as the money pile grows so large, everyone gets buried except for Batman and Supes.]
  • Spider-Man has been hanging outside the cafe for over 2 years, because he thought he wasn't allowed to come in yet.
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     How Tangled Should Have Ended 
  • Rapunzel running around so cheerfully and laughing so manically, that she doesn't become fazed by leaves, branches, mud (hopefully), a dead squirrel, a Koopa, and Gollum (among other things) getting stuck in her hair.

     How Titanic Should Have Ended 
  • The entirety of Rose and Jack's argument.
  • The crossover with Avatar in the stinger.
    Neytiri: Draw me like one of your Earth girls, Jack! (breaks the couch and falls)

     How Prometheus Should Have Ended 
  • Elizabeth gives birth to one of the Toy Story aliens.

     How The Dark Knight Rises Should Have Ended 
  • Blake entering the Batcave, only to discover that Bruce left a Robin costume for him.
    Blake: Oh heck no, I'm not wearing that.

     How The Amazing Spider-Man Should Have Ended 
  • Superman reassures Spider-Man that The Amazing Spider-Man could have been worse - at which point Emo!Peter from Spider-Man 3 struts past the window.
  • Reboot!Peter getting interrupted by Emo!Peter, who breaks down because he never got to go inside the cafe or meet Stan Lee.
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     How Casino Royale Should Have Ended 
  • The way the different Bonds argue over who should shoot the cameraman at the beginning of the Casino Royale episode creates the impression that they treat him like a plaything. The cameraman also doesn't bother running away during the argument, or shooting one of the Bonds, as if he knows by this point that he can't escape one of their guns.
    Pierce Brosnan: Wait just a minute. Let me shoot him just one last time.
    Daniel Craig: You've had your turn! I get to shoot.
    Roger Moore: No, no. I believe I should get to shoot him.
    George Lazenby: No, I want to shoot him! Let me! Just once.
    Sean Connery: I was the original and the best! I get to shoot him.
    [Timothy Dalton and Woody Allen join in the argument, until Daniel Craig screams in impatience and quickly runs up to the camera, shooting the cameraman himself.]
  • And Bond suggesting that they take Le Chiffre, knowing that he's guilty, into custody NOW rather than risking him winning the money in the poker tournament (thus erasing all the action-packed events that make up the plot).
    M: [after Le Chiffre is arrested] You see how boring that was, James?
    Bond: [shrugs]
  • Earlier, when M explains the plot in question to an unenthused Bond:
    Bond: You want me to play cards against him.
    M: Yes. So that he will lose.
    Bond: Will the tournament be fixed?
    M: No. You must win fair and square. So play cards well, or we will have funded international terrorism.
    [...]
    M: ... and we'll be right back where we started... except for your testicles.
  • And the ending:
    Vesper: I love you, James! Now I must kill myself for no reason!-BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB...
    Bond: But I killed all the bad guys!

2013

     How Iron Man 3 Should Have Ended 
  • Tony Stark noticing that the plot is remarkably similar to that of The Incredibles;
    Tony: You're Syndrome and I'm Mr Incredible.
    Killian: This is not the same, I can breathe fire!
    Tony: I even have a black friend who helps me fight crime. And he has a super-suit!
    Killian: [shocked] Oh my gosh, this is totally The Incredibles...
  • Thor's response after hearing that Tony blew up all his armor.
    Sayeth whaaaaaaat!?
  • With Tony out of commission, the Avengers need a replacement. Who do they choose? Extremis!Pepper.
    Tony: She can't replace me! I am Iron Man, you hear me!? I AM Iron Man!
    [beat]
    Steve: So is JARVIS!
  • Superman exclaims that even if Tony and Batman retire from super heroics, he's "just getting started!" To Batman's disgust, Superman also removes his Underwear of Power before everyone else's eyes, and tosses it to him, asking him to "take care of these."
    Rebooot!
  • Bruce and Tony being somewhat dejected when they ponder if they're retired or not;
    Iron Man: I am Iron Man.
    Batman: I'm Batman.

     How Man of Steel Should Have Ended 
  • Instead of going to a random priest for advice, Clark decides to consult his SPACE DAD!
  • Admiral Ackbar suddenly pops up in Zod's ship to deliver his Catchphrase everybody remembers him for.
  • Superman and Batman later discuss what would have happened should Supes fight Zod and co. on land (which is what actually happens in the movie).
    Batman: Can you imagine if you had to fight those guys on land?
    Superman: Oh my gosh! Thousands of people might have died!
    Batman: Plus billions of dollar of property damages.
    Superman: I can't pay that kind of debt on a Daily Planet salary. I mean, you could, because you're-
    Batman: Because I'm Batman?
    Superman: ... I was gonna say rich.
    Batman: I am also rich. [beat]. I'm rich Batman.
    Superman: Oh my gosh! You know, some might thing that's getting a little annoying.
    Batman: Oh, well, what are gonna do about it? Snap my neck?
    Superman: I could if I wanted to!
  • Aquaman's appearance in the "thanks for watching" section note :
    Aquaman: Hey. Hey Clark. You thinking about your childhood? You look like you're thinking about your childhood... Well, I'll be over here if anyone needs me... [whispers] Justice Leeeeeeaaaague...

     How Pacific Rim Should Have Ended 
  • When the world leaders are debating on what to do about the breach:
    British PM: I say we nuke the kaiju as soon as one is detected!
    Japanese PM: I say we build the giant robots as big as kaiju, so that we can watch them fight!
  • The Power Rangers' Mega-Zord vacuuming up all the kanju remains.

     How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended 
  • In the "Thanks For Watching" segment, the scene starts out as a parody of Uhura speaking in Klingon, then the Klingon she was speaking to speaks in English, saying "I'll take it from here.", voiced by the Honest Trailers narrator himself!

     How World War Z Should Have Ended 
  • Many familiar faces from the zombie genre show up:
    Shaun of the Dead: OK, ship all the non essentials back on the helicopters.
    [camera pans out to show the stars of pretty much every zombie series including Ash from Evil Dead and Cherry Darling from Planet Terror still onboard the carrier]
    Lori Grimes: Where's Carl?!
    Shaun: How did you get off the helicopter?
  • In The Stinger, Brad Pitt sings, "Just A Lonely Brad Pitt". A zombie interrupts him and says, "HEY! That's MY song." When Brad apologizes, the zombie asks, "Who said that?"note 

     Super Café: Who's a Hero 
  • The Eleventh Doctor visits the Super Cafe. Including moments like Batman saddened over the loss of Amy (that she was hot helped), the Doctor calling out Superman for the infamous final scene of Man of Steel, and Batman somehow getting in the TARDIS and trying to hit on Clara (with the Doctor shooing him out).

     How Thor: The Dark World Should Have Ended 
  • In the Cold Open, Heimdall abusing the power of his all-seeing eyes to watch Jane bathe.
    Thor: STOP CREEPING ON MY LADY-FRIEND, DUDE!
  • In the beginning, Jane proves that Loki is Faking the Dead:
    Jane: Yeah, I'm not buying it. Here: [kicks Loki in the nuts]
    Loki: [cries out in pain] REALLY!? Okay, you caught me, alright!? I'm not dead! Jeez! Right in the berries...!
  • Loki hanging out with The Joker and General Zod in the Villain Pub! And this exchange as Hannibal Lecter walks past:
    Hannibal: I always liked Odin.
    Loki: Pfft, you would.
  • Malekith, missing two of his arms, storms into the pub to call out Loki for stealing his spotlight, and gets himself roasted for his troubles.
    Malekith: I'm totes' going to control the darkness and rule the universe!
    Loki: You were foiled by two human scientists and two brainless interns carrying nothing but tripods!
    Malekith: Beat So?
    Loki: So good day!
  • Loki pointing out to Zod that if he'd just colonised Mars he could have saved his entire race.
    Zod: You're blowin' my mind, Lok!
  • In The Stinger, Thor getting stood up at the cafe by Superman and Batman. Cue the two of them childishly giggling outside the window.
    "Cuzi'mbatman."

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