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How Thor: Ragnarok Should Have Ended
- Loki ditches the team at the last minute, and recounts his exploits at the Villain Pub.
- When Loki reveals that he has the Tesseract, Thanos finally gets up and swipes it.
- Valkyrie shocks Hela with the shock devices used to keep Thor in check.
- The Stinger: Thor makes a bad pun in regards to his name while drinking Doctor Strange's never-ending beer. Strange then empties the beer.
How The Last Jedi Should Have Ended
- In the beginning, BB-8 literally says "I have a bad feeling about this..." in robotic voice.
- Chewie roasting and eating a porg. When he sees another porg giving him Puppy-Dog Eyes, he takes a quick bite, and then offers the living porg a drumstick; the porg immediately perks up.
- Rey sees a vision of Kylo Ren shirtless... and using the bathroom, much to her disgust.Rey: Oh my gosh!Kylo: A little privacy please!Rey: Eeww! The image is burned in my brain!
- The fact that Kylo is reading a newspaper called The Daily Jawa, with the head story being "WHO'S DRINKING ALL THE MILK?"
- The icing on the cake: Snoke is busy chuckling, as if knowing he had scarred Rey for life.
- Rose decides that she and Finn should land in the grass and get on with their mission rather than get sidetracked by freeing horses and being sympathetic to kids.
- Rey using the Force to ignite her saber and hack Kylo's hand off. Seems that the Skywalker tradition of getting hands hacked off has passed on to him.
- Obi-Wan's Force ghost appears to clarify he's Rey's grandpa. Cue Anakin's Force ghost reacting with joy:Anakin: (gasp) YOU'RE A GRANDFATHER TOO?!
Obi-Wan: Not this again, Anakin. Every time!
- Admiral Ackbar blasts through hyperspace to destroy the First Order fleet while exclaiming, "IT'S! A! TRAP!!!!!" after failing to get Hux to say it.
- After Rose "saves" Finn, he complains that she ruined his heroic moment. Rose doesn't care at all, even as the First Order destroys their base. Which Finn's sacrifice would have prevented.
- Right afterwards, Poe is shocked by Finn and Rose's deaths, but Leia's reaction?Leia: Finn and who?
- Right afterwards, Poe is shocked by Finn and Rose's deaths, but Leia's reaction?
- This exchange:
- Before leaving to help the Resistance, Luke decides to "get one for the road." As in, he takes a giant swig of a thala-siren's milk before whispering to it, "I'm gonna miss you the most."
- Following that, Luke and Rey Force-freeze the First Order's lasers before batting them back at them, and Yoda finishes off Kylo with lightning.
- Kylo plays the part of a whiny fanboy and complains that Luke in particular never froze lasers before, to which an officer named Karl points out that Kylo himself did it in the last film so it's really not that much of a stretch.
- Admiral Ackbar's first act as acting commander is to explain their current plan and brief everyone on what their goal is. He assures everyone there is no reason to panic or start a mutiny, as they have a plan to survive. Poe gives a sigh of relief next to a glowering Holdo.
Star Wars Best Picture Summary Oscars 2018
- In a callback to the Harry Potter video, the cast of Star Wars raise their complains about its Award Snub, this time with Luke and Kylo joining together to complain while Rey acts as the Only Sane Woman.
- Luke rants that Last Jedi was critically acclaimed with 91% on Rotten Tomatoes only for Rey to point to the 48% audience score. Rey quickly hides a poster of The Greatest Showman when Luke states that the critics always show majority opinions.
- Luke stating that The Shape of Water doesn't deserve an award because they too had an Interspecies Romance between man and aquatic monster.Luke: I love my milk sirens!
Rey: Perhaps a little too much.
- Snoke's upper half is a Reylo shipper.Snoke Torso: Hashtag Reylo forever!
- Luke and Kylo finally hit the Rage Breaking Point when they learn about Hans Zimmer's nomination only to suddenly calm down when they agree Get Out was a genuinely scary film.Finn: Yeah, you're telling me.
How Justice League Should Have Ended
- The opening song, a parody of Sigrid's "Everybody Knows" which was used in the actual film, where the singers claim that Steppenwolf blows.
- When various kids film Superman (whose mouth is animated Synchro-Vox style, mocking his Uncanny Valley mouth), they spew a hurricane of mustache-themed puns.Kid 1: Superman! I mustache you a question!
Kid 2: Or should you shave it for later?
Superman: [tired sigh] Do you guys really have a question?
Kid 2: Why does your mouth look fake?
- The Running Gag of Steppenwolf immediately getting impaled by various weapons whenever he shows up:
- In the first moment, he gets shot by the Amazons in the face.Queen Hippolyta: Great job, everyone! This is exactly why we constantly train for battle!
- In the second, Batman orders Flash to stab him in the neck with Diana's sword with a variant of the "Save one person" speech from the actual film.Flash: I know you guys are all ready to do battle, but I've actually never done battle!
Batman: Stab one.
Batman: Stab one person.
Flash: What are you talking about?
Batman: To be more specific, stab that one, actually!
- In the third, Flash once again stabs Steppenwolf in the neck with Aquaman's trident.
- In the first moment, he gets shot by the Amazons in the face.
- Diana attempts to recruit Cyborg into the Justice League, but he reveals that he's already in a team: the Teen Titans.
- The final battle, where Batman has already brought Lois to help Superman. After all, Flash from the future said she was the key.
- The entire Super Cafe sequence:
- Batman calls out Flash for killing Steppenwolf in a clear Shout-Out to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Flash is sheepish about it, mentioning he thought killing their villains is what the heroes do.
- The Justice League call out Superman for not saying anything inspirational despite the film repeatedly mentioning how he was such a paragon of hope.
- Iron Man's cameo:Aquaman: Is that what we did?
Iron Man: (zooms by outside) Not even close!
Batman: Yeah, I think we rushed a team hero story with a seriously divided Superman origin arc.
- Adam Warlock — or rather, Martha. JUST Martha.
- As soon as Adam/Martha shows up, he deems himself "the slayer of franchises."
- Batman once again freaks out about Martha's name... before Martha destroys the cafe.
- Just this:
- Batman has a rather intricate plot to take down Martha... but then Superman simply snaps his neck. Batman is horrified.Batman: OH MY GOSH! Have we learned nothing?!
- The Stinger: When Lex Luthor is discussing creating his own League with Deathstroke, he's brought to the Villain Pub, but is immediately kicked out, since they just wanted him to know his Legion of Doom idea wasn't original.Lex: You brought me here, just to kick me out? That's so...
Palpatine: Evil?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Villain Pub The Dead Pool
- Voldemort lampshading Thanos' infamous reputation pre-Infinity War:
- As soon as Palpatine mentions making a Dead Pool, Deadpool shows up:
- The Joker first bets that no one will die because it's Marvel and the good guys always win. When Malekith, Stane, and Ego point out that some of them did die (like Quicksilver and Yondu), Joker corrects himself and says that the good guys mostly get away.
- The sheer irony of Malekith being at the pub when his last visit to the pub ended with Loki kicking him out for being too generic. Now it's Loki himself who isn't there.
- All three of the Red Skull's bets are on Captain America. Because he wants to see Captain America die three times.
- Among the names listed on the dead pool is Ned from Spider-Man: Homecoming.
- Voldemort bets on Iron Man (because he's like their dad and that would be really hard to watch), Doctor Strange (because he's got to have magic taken out of the picture), Hulk (because he's super strong), Hawkeye (because arrows are stupid, which everyone agrees with) and finally Spider-Man.Electro: No way, he can't get Spider-Man!
Vulture: What are you, nuts? Oh, yes he can!
Thanos: Oh, yes I can!
- Joker places his bets on Loki cheating death again and killing Thanos, much to Thanos' chagrin.Joker: I'm just saying, he's a trickster!
- Apocalypse betting on Wolverine, to the confusion of Palpatine.
- When Ultron bets on Scarlet Witch and Vision, Voldemort decides to try to change his vote, claiming he forgot that Vision has one of the Infinity Stones in his head.
- After Yellowjacket bets on the support group: Falcon, Ant-Man, Black Widow, Drax, War Machine and Korg, Zod states that he won't be pleased if Groot dies. Cue dead silence from the other villains.Zod: What? He's adorable!
- Palpatine bets on everyone dying except for Ant-Man who survives by shrinking between time and space and travels back in time to meet Captain Marvel and they team up to defeat Thanos in the fourth Avengers.Zod: Oh that sounds cool! [beat] I mean, boo! Heroes are so annoying!
- Apparently no one bet on Black Panther dying because according to Deadpool, it would be commercial-suicide.
- The ending.Thanos: Well guys, it's finally my time. [gets up to leave] I'm off to destroy the universe! You guys were fun. You guys did indeed brought a smile to my face. [steps out for a bit before sticking his head back in] I hope they remember you. [he finally leaves]Voldemort: What does that mean?
How IT Should Have Ended
- HISHE's take on the film's opening scene:
- At the Neibolt House, Bill rallies the Losers to stick together:Bill: I'm serious now. I don't want to turn around and see you guys running off by yourselves. Everyone sticks together to fight the crazy shape-shifting clown. Right?
Bill: Let's do this.
(cut to IT as Judith the oil painting lady feasting on Stan)
Bill: I said we all stick together!
- The increasingly ridiculous assortment of characters that attack Pennywise, from Batman to the Ninja Turtles to King Kong and even the freaking Ghostbusters, who end up trapping IT.
- Pennywise's glorious reactions to the Ninja Turtles beating him up:Pennywise: I hate turtles.
- Pennywise's glorious reactions to the Ninja Turtles beating him up:
- The fact that the Once an Episode Running Gag of the phrase "But this is how it really should have ended..." appears here as "But this is how IT really should have ended..."
- Eddie and Richie decide to investigate the "Not Scary At All" door. Cue them encountering Mike and Sulley, with both parties screaming.
How Black Panther Should Have Ended
- T'Challa enters the spirit realm, only to discover Mufasa.
- The Reality Ensues moment courtesy of Okoye choosing to exit the Vibranium car to attack while they're being shot: She gets shot and falls behind.Nakia: Okoye, WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
- During the scene where Killmonger springs Klaue from Ross and T'Challa's custody, Klaue can briefly be scene being hustled out through the hole in the wall, all the while screaming "Precious!"
- A priest woman seemingly pours the Heart-Shaped Herb's liquid into Killmonger's mouth, claiming that it will grant him the strength of the Black Panther, before revealing that it was actually poison that she just gave him. That's right, Killmonger, the guy who claimed that he killed in America, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and bested T'Challa in combat... utterly loses to one woman who knew what to do to a murderer like him.Priest Woman: Wakanda forever.
- Cap's team briefly returns to Wakanda to check on Bucky (and see how his "Jesus costume" is going)...only to enter right in the middle of the Wakandan civil war and get shooed out. T'Challa awkwardly tries to explain to Cap that the entire battle is the Wakandans "having a disagreement". He even punches W'Kabi in the face quickly after saying so.
- T'Challa offers Batman vibranium, but Batman says no, claiming that something tells him that he's going to need the vibranium more than them. When T'Challa asks why, the background shows Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian flinging cars around outside, the former giving his usual speech.Batman: Just a feeling.
- Both stingers:
- In the first, Blade shows up to challenge for the throne.
- In the second, Batman satiates Shuri's love of old memes:Shuri: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?!
Batman: You like tired memes, huh? [hands Shuri a stack of tired memes] Then you're gonna love these!
[cue Shuri Squeeing over said memes]
- As a Freeze-Frame Bonus, among the set of tired memes are "One does not simply...", "Ermagerd," the Trollface, and even Ugandan Knuckles.
How Avengers: Infinity War Should Have Ended
- Gamora brings Thanos to a completely different planet besides Vormir that has a lake of acid lava that totally has the Soul Stone at the bottom of it and that Thanos should hop right in to look for it. Instead, Thanos turns the lake into bubbles with the Reality Stone, either to make sure she wasn't lying or as a way of saying he sees through her transparent plan to kill him.Thanos: You lied to me again.
Gamora: Whaaaaat? That's crazy! You must have turned it into bubbles. I mean, I wouldn't lie to you.
- Then when Thanos realizes she once again lied, he teleports back to his ship to torture Nebula, but then...Guard: Oh my gosh, Thanos! The sister has escaped!
Thanos: Dang it! You guys had one job! This does not put a smile upon my face!
- The HISHE title sequence ends with the logo disintegrating. Cue someone (who sounds like he's crying) screaming, "Too Soon!"
- The endings are depicted as the five futures Doctor Strange saw in which they won:note
- 1. Strange uses the Cloak of Levitation to restrain Thanos, uses his Sling Ring to send Thanos into a portal, and slices his left hand off.
- 2. Strange turns Thanos into a baby. Everyone (except Nebula) gushes over baby!Thanos... but then Drax suggests that they kill him immediately on the spot. The rest oppose that, so Star-Lord wonders who should take care of baby!Thanos, since they can't just leave him here. Cut to Tony taking baby!Thanos to Pepper, who faints in shock.Tony: Oh, come on! This is not the weirdest thing I've brought home before!
- 3. Nebula subdues Star-Lord just before he attacks Thanos in rage. She then dons the Infinity Gauntlet and uses it to punch Thanos into oblivion.Nebula: You know what I yearn for, dear Thanos? Revenge! [kills Thanos and stares at the gauntlet for a few seconds] Sweet!... Okay I'm done. [drops the gauntlet on the ground and leaves]
Strange: No no no. I don't think so. I'll be taking that, thanks.
- 4. At the confrontation in Wakanda between the Avengers and Wakandans' alliance and the Outriders, Wong shows up and traps Proxima Midnight and the Outriders in the Mirror Dimension.Wong: YES! WONG!
- 5. Thor stabs Thanos, but when Thanos says, "You should have gone for the head," Thor reveals that he actually cut Thanos's left arm off.
- The entire Super Cafe sequence.
- It's revealed that all the heroes are gathered in what looks like the biggest booth in Super Cafe history. In fact, it's so big that Batman and Superman can't hear Thor declare he's their new ruler.
- When Tony points out Thor can't just rule Earth, Thor points out he's still wearing the Gauntlet.
- Star-Lord is still sulking over Gamora dying, so Thor brings Gamora back to life with the Gauntlet, to which Drax exclaims, "There is Gamora!"
- Batman takes advantage of Groot's bored "I am Groot" to attempt to start another "I'm Batman" vs. "I am Groot" battle, but since Groot is a teenager and doesn't care, it doesn't happen. Then Cap says, "I am Steve Rogers," much to Superman and Batman's resignation.
- When Captain America notes the massive amount of heroes reunited, Superman corrects him, noting that Hawkeye, the "Netflix Avengers" and Ant-Man are missing. Then Ant-Man appears outside the Café while skidding by holding a truck, apologizing and saying that they didn't make it because Siri couldn't find Wakanda.
- The heroes call out how Rhodey and Banner sported different faces before.
- Rocket snatching Bucky's Vibranium arm when he wasn't looking.
- Bonus points for Thor saying, "Silly rabbit! Tricks are for wizards!"
- When the heroes remember moments from the franchise, none of the others believe Strange's story of how he saved the world from Dormammu without their help, much to his annoyance, considering it involved letting himself be murdered millions of times.
- Just the sheer fact that while most of the heroes have glasses of beer, Spider-Man and Groot have Cokes since they're both teenagers, Batman is drinking coffee out of a mug, Tony has a glass of scotch on the rocks because of course he does, and Thor has a gigantic mug of beer, again, because of course he does.
- Thor starts jamming to the beat Korg is blasting, and accidentally does two lethal Badass Fingersnaps with the Infinity Gauntlet. Cue the Mood Whiplash as Rocket asks Thor what he had done. Even Batman stops dancing the Batusi in shock.
- Back in the Villain Pub, Voldemort is frustrated that Thanos (who now sports a bandage on his severed arm) failed, with Joker wondering if that means he won his bet.
- Thanos is seen with six shot glasses, each holding a drink the color of an Infinity Stone.
- The effects of Thor snapping his fingers: Every single goddamn villain in the pub starts disintegrating. It's mostly Nightmare Fuel and Tear Jerker, but some can be seen as Black Comedy, since many of them echo how the heroes died in the actual film:
- When Jason Voorhees disappears, he quips that it's different from the other times he's died before a zombie sings out a Big "NO!".
- Khan goes out like Black Panther, helping Magneto up. Unlike Okoye, Magneto also dies.
- Bowser dies in the same vein as Groot, with Palpatine taking up Rocket's role and screaming his "No, no, NOOO!" from Revenge of the Sith.
- Voldemort begins fading as he quotes Spider-Man's dying words, but adding that he really doesn't want to die this way because he already disintegrated to dust before. Then Joker "helps" Voldemort by stabbing Voldemort in the back ("because it's funny!"), making Voldemort complain.
- Just the fact that Voldemort goes to the Joker of all people for comfort.
- A Xenomorph and a Predator disintegrate while battling.
- Palpatine, in a last-ditch effort, tries to contact someone before dying like Nick Fury. That contact? Deadpool.
- And as a bonus, Palpatine's famous last words are "Heroes are so annoy-."
- Even better, Pennywise/IT is seen in the basement, ALSO disintegrating. Looks like the Demogorgon was right in regards to Pennywise flaking.
- In The Stinger, Loki arrives, having faked his death, only to stumble upon an empty Villain Pub.
- The alternate HISHE has some good gems:
- When Thanos is about to get the Soul Stone, he starts shedding tears... but there's a new twist:Gamora: Really? Tears?
Red Skull: They are not for him. *visibly confused as Thanos walks past both of them* They are also not for you.
Gamora: Wait, what?
(cue Thanos throwing his throne into the abyss)
Thanos: Forgive me.
- Heimdall has the Bifrost send Thanos and the Black Order to the depths of outer space. And the best part: Thanos doesn't freeze while the others do freeze.
- Steve and Thor compare their beards and haircuts. Then Steve notices Thor's Stormbreaker:Steve: Is that a new weapon?
Thor: This thing? Oh, yes, it's great! It's got a good weight to it. You can summon the Bifrost. It's gonna help me defeat-
Stormbreaker!Groot: (pops out from Stormbreaker) I am Groot.
Thor: Aaaaaaah! Demon Axe Handle!
- When Thanos is about to get the Soul Stone, he starts shedding tears... but there's a new twist:
How Venom Trailer Should Have Ended
- The entire trailer itself is this, with Venom using Malaproper phrases while telling a robber he'll eat him, to both him, and the cashier's exasperations. These include:
- Turd in the wind (movie Venom actually says this).
- When pigs freeze over.
- Rocket surgery.
- Do not beat a dead gift horse in the mouth.
- You opened this can of worms, now you must lie on it.
- Curiosity killed the cake, and eat it too.
- One phrase that he actually mean something and not a Malaproper? "[Him and Spider-Man] will burn the bridge when they get to it".
How Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom Should Have Ended
- After Ian's "welcome to Jurassic world" line, a paper is handed to him, reminding him that humans have a buttload of weapons and firearms. The scene then cuts back to the Tyrannosaurus rex and lion, now with the military in the foreground, who proceed to unload a crap-ton of bullets upon the dinosaur, which lives long enough to give a very annoyed "Ahhh... Rude!" before falling dead.
How Solo: A Star Wars Story Should Have Ended
- The fake-out opening. Han claims that he grew up with a "slimy snake monster lady, so the officer names him "Han Slimy Snake Monster Lady." Cue "Slimy Snake Monster Lady: A HISHE Story"... until Han interrupts, naming himself "Han Solo" and the real logo.
- Han complaining about there being too much Star Wars films. All while Qi'ra tries to shoo him away to contact Maul.
- When Maul does show up, he notes that Han probably didn't recognize him because of the metal legs.
- Lando's parody song. ALL OF IT.Lando: This is the Falcon
It made the Kessel Run
Don't try to steal it, Han
Han: Great! Now Lando's stealing the scene!
How Incredibles 2 Should Have Ended
- Batman's attempt to do his usual routine gets derailed:Batman: Cops get mad at me all the time for doing their job for them. Do you know why? (starts drinking coffee)Jack-Jack: (turns his head into Batman's) Because I'm Batman!Batman: (gets startled enough to send his coffee out his nose)
How the Avengers: Endgame Trailer Should Have Ended
- The sheer number of heroes who show up to join the Avengers. No, seriously. It must be seen to be believed.
- Deadpool tries to join the Avengers because he heard that Wolverine is there. Cap's reaction:Cap: Can you watch your LANGUAGE?!
- The fact that Ethan Hunt had the sheer audacity to let himself in.
- Natasha's reaction to Sora and Donald:Nat: This is getting really weird.
- The Fantastic Four- er, Three, show up. When Nat asks them if they lost someone to the snap:
- Deadpool tries to join the Avengers because he heard that Wolverine is there. Cap's reaction:
- Nat asks Steve why he knows his plan will work: