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How The Force Awakens Should Have Ended
- We find out the real reason Kylo Ren never met Anakin's ghost: [He's too busy celebrating how he has a grandson.
- Supreme Leader Snoke is Gollum.
- When the Resistance puts up the holograms showing the two Death Stars with the Starkiller Base beneath the two of them, it looks just like the Mickey Mouse logo. Leia can't be bothered calling it "Starkiller Base" because it's just a bigger Death Star.
- Kylo Ren singing the Imperial March theme after knocking out Rey during the final lightsaber duel.
- The Millenium Falcon crashing into Starkiller Base. At lightspeed.Leia: Well, so much for that idea...
- In one segment, when Finn holds Phasma at gunpoint and has her drop the shields of Starkiller Base, she responds with this:Phasma: Oh, did you say, "shut down the shields"? (presses a button) I thought you said, "alert everyone to your presence".Han: Chewie... we're screwed.
- Luke Skywalker appearing out of nowhere at the last second, popping up behind Kylo Ren and stabbing him through the abdomen, then sending him toppling to his death before he can do the same to Han. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.Luke: SURPRISE!
- Han's reaction counts, too:Han: WHHHYYYYY? [angry] WHY!? Where did you come from, Luke!?
Luke: Got bored on my island. Why didn't you shoot first, man?
Han: He was my BOY!
Luke: He was going to kill you.
Han: How do you know that!?
Luke: I always sense when you guys are in danger. It's kind of my thing.
Han: [sigh] Leia's gonna be pissed.
Luke: Wow, you're hot!
- Luke and Rey's meeting, shown in both the original and "alternate" HISHE videos:
Rey: What!? Gross! We could be related!
Luke: (beat) Never bothered me before.
Rey: Okay! Bye!Finn: Let's play a game. On the count of three, name your favourite creature. Don't even think about it, just name it. Ready?
Finn: One, two, three.
Poe: Hottest clothing in the galaxy?
Both: Slave Leia costume!
Finn: If you were a chick, who's the one guy in the whole galaxy you'd sleep with?
Both: Lando Calrissian!
Poe: Did we just become best friends!?
Poe: ...Did we just forget we're being shot at?
[TIE Fighter is hit]
How Deadpool Should Have Ended
- Captain America shows up to call out Deadpool's filthy mouth and beat up the thugs.
- Deadpool comments on some of HISHE's shortcuts, like Batman never changing his sitting and holding coffee pose and how they've used the same busy road background since 2007.
- Deadpool crashes the Villain Pub. Palpatine tells him he's not allowed as he still has good in him. Deadpool reluctantly agrees, but he leaves the old Deadpool from X-Men Origins: Wolverine, horrifying Palpatine, Voldemort, and the Joker.Palpatine: Nobody likes that Deadpool!
- Deadpool's comeback when Superman claims he doesn't kill all his enemies.Deadpool: You're right. Not everyone in that city was your enemy.
The Force Awakens Lego HISHE
- Finn wonders what would have happened if Kylo Ren had found Luke Skywalker first, cutting to an Imagine Spot of Kylo and several Stormtroopers arriving on Ahch-to to confront him. He gets absolutely mauled by Luke (complete with a good old-fashioned spanking), then Kylo is literally dragged back to Han and Leia with the Force.Luke: I'm taking you home to your parents!Kylo Ren: No, NO!Luke: You're gonna be grounded for the rest of your life.(cut back to Admiral Ackbar)Admiral Ackbar: IT'S A TRAP!(All Resistance members quietly look at him)Admiral Ackbar (walking away): I just wanted to be included...
- Even funnier, after Luke has beaten Kylo Ren and killed every single Stormtrooper, he starts spanking him with a Stormtrooper's baton and tells to "say uncle"!Kylo Ren: Grandfather! Grandfather, help me!!Force-ghost of Anakin Skywalker: I'm sorry, kid. But I'm totally on Luke's side, y'know? (high-fives Luke)Luke: Thanks, Dad.
How The Jungle Book Should Have Ended
- Raksha and her cubs mistaking the baby basket for a picnic basket, to Bagheera's horror.
- During the end credits, Baloo sings a parody of "The Bare Necessities" about wolves eating people.
- In The Stinger, Kaa ensnares Winnie the Pooh, and the two of them realize they sound exactly the same (since Disney always uses the same voice actor for them: Sterling Holloway in the '60s, and Jim Cummings after his death).
How Ant-Man Should Have Ended
- Batman and Ant-Man get into an argument when Scott says "Because I'm Ant-Man". When Ant-Man throws a challenge to Batman, he accepts... and promptly shrinks down to a tiny size, leaving everyone flabbergasted as to how he can do it."Because I'm BATMAN!"
- One comment gave us this little gem:"Batman: Can reverse engineer a shrinking suit just by looking at it...and morph it into his own suit...while sitting down...and not moving."
How Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Should Have Ended
- Reprising the very first Superman video right down to calling Lex a "diseased maniac".
- "Tell me... Do you have insurance?"
- "Like a good butler, Alfred is there!"Superman: Whaaa--?
- "Bruce! Bruce! Listen to me! Rotten Tomatoes! Rotten Tomatoes everywhere!" It's also worth noting that the bottom row of Bruce's computer has statistics on Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises while the top reads NOLAN MY FACTS.
- When Aquaman shows up. "Looking for theeeeese??"Lois: Are you here to help fight the monster...?
Aquaman: Nope, not this time. Good luck with your cave troll.
- Batman freaking out about Martha, ending up outside, and wondering aloud what it all means before abruptly calming down and returning to his seat in the cafe.Batman: Okay, I'm good now.
- This exchange between Batman and Wonder Woman:Batman: I like you, Wonder Woman. Wanna help us to form a team?
Wonder Woman: Like the Avengers?
Batman: NO! This is totally different! Why would you think that? I'm saying, like... a league... that, serves a... justice.
- Green Lantern appears with the Justice League at the end, but turns out to be Deadpool. Deadpool also doesn't skip the opportunity to mock Batman for resorting to killing.Deadpool: Hey, great job murdering people Batman! "Killing your enemies is wrong!"
Batman: Oh, man...it's gonna be a while before I live this down, huh?
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull After Credits
- Han Solo's cameo.Han Solo: My strange son is an evil space wizard and I fell off a bridge.
Doctor: I QUIT!
How Finding Nemo Should Have Ended
How Captain America: Civil War Should Have Ended
- When Bucky is trying to run away in a helicopter and Steve is holding on to both the railing and the helicopter, he kisses his biceps. This causes Bucky to yell "Too sexy!" and the helicopter crashes as a result.
- During the second segment, how does Cap handle the Sokovia Accords? He crosses the name out, re-titles it the "Tony Accords", and changes some conditions to limit only Tony Stark, due to his recklessness. Even General/Secretary Ross ends up agreeing to it.
- When Peter Parker tells Tony about the reason that he is Spider-Man, Tony says that it misses a certain choice of phrasing...Tony: No. That's not it.
Peter: It's-It's not?
Tony: That's not the line. Come on. Say it right.
Peter: What line?
Tony: You know.
Peter: With great power Comes Great Responsibility?
Tony: There it is!
- A great bit of Black Comedy comes in after Rhodey's fall to earth:
- It comes in again during the final battle when Tony shoots his blasters at full force at Steve and Bucky, killing them. It is also worth noting that, while Rhodey gets a dramatic choir as his funeral music, Steve and Bucky get a bagpipe solo.Steve's grave: Threw a mighty shield. When his girlfriend died, Cap didn't hesitate to make out with her niece.
Bucky's grave: He just wanted some plums.
- In the sequence before the above, after Tony calms down enough after Bucky apologizes to him for murdering Tony's parents, he starts to cut Zemo out of the room he's hiding in, and bring him in to the authorities, while Zemo rants about his plan falling apart.Tony: [sigh] Get him out of there. Let's go.
Zemo: NO!!! You were supposed to collapse from the inside! I was lucky enough that Stark even showed up at the same time you to watch this video, and now you're totally foiling my plans! C'MON!!
[Black Panther, who was eavesdropping on the situation to see if Bucky was innocent sneaks away]
- In the last segment, in a combination of this and awesome, Bucky takes advantage of himself breaking out of his restraints while Zemo goes through the Russian trigger phrases to make Bucky go into Winter Soldier mode by plugging his ears and making noise to prevent Zemo's words from activating the Winter Soldier mode.Bucky: I'm sorry, were you saying something?
Zemo: NO!! [gets tackled by Steve/Captain America]
- When Cap gets angry at the rest of the superheroes singing his song once again, Tony jokes that Cap must have become HYDRA, in reference to Cap being revealed to be HYDRA in Nick Spencer's Captain America (the next issue revealed that it was the result of a Cosmic Retcon, of course.)Cap: NO! Why would— Why would you think that!?
- Black Panther is told to go over to Team Cap's table, where Superman and Batman are sitting. Panther wants Batman's seat...
- After Superman gets up to let Black Panther have his seat, it turns out a shrunk Ant-Man had been stuck under him the whole time. "I have seen things..."
- Special mention goes to The Stinger, in which Zemo is revealed to have brought Steve and Tony to the Siberian base because he ships Stony.
- In the Alternate Civil War HISHE, Black Panther, a depowered Iron Man and Zemo leave Siberia in Black Panther's jet. They all sit in the cockpit, which is too small for them. Tony makes an unfortunate comparison with Batman to Black Panther, who doesn't take it well. Zemo also chooses this moment to taunt Tony and the ensuing scuffle causes Black Panther's jet to lose altitude. Black Panther has enough of this, and decides to join Captain America once they're done with Zemo.
How X-Men: Apocalypse Should Have Ended
- Erik's... erm, blunt way of tucking his daughter in.
- During the scene when Erik's daughter is freaking out, most of the cops are suddenly crushed by Gandalf (wearing a Magneto helmet no less) on an Eagle, and the stray arrow hits Boromir instead of Erik's daughter.
- Quicksilver has so much extra time that he goes to save the Marvel Cinematic Universe Quicksilver from Avengers: Age of Ultron from getting killed.Quicksilver: Bet you didn't see that coming.
- When Jean Grey goes to free Wolverine, she instead frees... Deadpool (2016).Deadpool: Surprise! What!? You were expecting another tacked-on Wolverine cameo? Well, this is awkward. You're probably wondering: how did I get here? Well, talking heads, that's simple: Time travel. [shows that Cable is with him] Someone has to save this franchise! [draws his katanas] Well, it's slicey dicey time. [goes to kill the guards]
- When Quicksilver reveals he's Magneto's son, he literally drops everything and rushes to everyone announcing that he has a son, including Darth Vader.
- When Jean Grey unleashes the Phoenix Force on Apocalypse:Mystique: I'm supposed to be the Girl on Fire...
- Magneto, Storm and Cyclops start attacking Apocalypse alongside Jean's Phoenix Force (meanwhile all Beast can do is growl and point his claws at him). Then Weapon X!Wolverine appears... to stab Jean with his claws.Wolverine: Oh, am I too early? Kitty send me back in time and I'm really confused.
Jean Grey: [faintly] You stabbed me...
Wolverine: How did I end up with Stryker again? I though Mystique saved me? How is this even possible? [to Jean, whispering] You look so different.
- Mystique's reaction to the above is to ask Charles Xavier "Is he with you?", to which he says "I thought he was with you," in a Shout-Out to Batman and Superman having the same conversation in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
- Xavier utters the more polite "Well, poop" instead of the more obvious "Well, shit."
- "OH LORD, THE DEVIL HAS RETURNED!"
- The X-Men telling Apocalypse that he doesn't want to kill everyone, but actually yearns to be a makeover artist, citing all the awesome cosmetic changes he gave to his Horsemen. It then cuts to Apocalypse with Voldemort in a barber shop, making him grow a nose, a stronger jawline, a beard, and long flowing hair.
- Superman's and Batman's anxious facial expressions reveal that they consider Professor X and Magneto to be absolutely nuts.Batman: So, you guys aren't going to disagree anymore?
Professor X: Oh no, we will ride this merry-go-round to our graves!
Magneto: Just before that, we'll time-travel and start it all over again!
[Professor X and Magneto laugh merrily together]
- Because X-Men: Apocalypse is set in The '80s, Mystique shapeshifts into Michael Keaton's Bruce Wayne to ward off Batman's amorous advances.
How Ghostbusters Should Have Ended
- The alternate ending where Ray Stantz actually says "yes" when Gozer asks if he is a god. Gozer then acts like a shy nebbish wanting to make friends and the Ghostbusters use Ray's lie to trick the Sumerian deity into walking into a ghost trap.
Pinocchio Starring Terminator
- When T-800 meets puppet master Stromboli:Stromboli: How would you like to be the star of Stromboli's Puppet Show?
T-800: I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.
Stromboli: ... What.
- The fairy finds T-800 in the cage.Fairy: T-800, I can tell you're lying.
T-800: They are not lies, they are True Lies!
- When T-800 finds out Gepetto has been eaten by Monstro, he puts on sunglasses, pulls out a shotgun and declares "It's time to go whale hunting". Then it cuts to Gepetto inside Monstro's stomach and T-800 rides in on a motorcycle and says Come with Me If You Want to Live. Then it cuts to Monstro, who explodes and T-800 and Gepetto fly away.T-800: Hasta la vista, whaley.
[Monstro's fin turns into a thumbs up as he sinks]
How Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows Should Have Ended
- When Krang appears, Leo immediately stabs him. The other turtles react in shock that they can actually use their weapons to harm others.Leonardo: Well, alright then. I guess we're not h-
- As result of the above, the turtles start using other weapons, ending with Mikey firing a gun into Krang, to which the other turtles tell him that's too far and "this is a kids movie". Only to cut to Bebop and Rocksteady looking down their pants and April in a sexy schoolgirl uniform, also telling him that it's a kids movie.
How Suicide Squad Should Have Ended
- When Amanda Waller demonstrates Enchantress' powers, she leaves a briefcase containing Enchantress' heart and her brother Incubus' artifact open. So of course Enchantress takes its contents and stabs Waller in the heart in one swoop.
- June Moone finds Enchantress's statue and decides to... preserve it, because she's a good archeologist (emphasis hers) and it looks delicate.Enchantress: [in a squeaky voice] Aw nuts.note
- Batman captures the Joker and Harley Quinn, just like the actual movie... but this time by using his Batman GO app game, and singing his own version of the Pokémon song:I wanna be the very best
Batman ever was!
To fight crime is my real test
Justice is my cause!
Gotta catch 'em all!
[Batman goes to save Joker and Harley from drowning after crashing and punches Harley like in the actual movie, but this time before she can attack him with a knife]
Shoot at me and I'll punch you
- When Rick Flagg exposits how Katana's sword traps the souls of those she kills, Harley excitedly asks if they'll see this in action. When Katana says no, Diablo understandably asks why Flag even brought it up in the first place.
- When Harley attempts to escape on the Joker's aircraft and Rick Flagg discovers that her Explosive Leash was disabled, Waller scolds him reminding him that he still has a gun, so he just shoots Harley dead.
- The way one of the "endings" is just the rest of the team telling Diablo that it's a bit premature for him to call them "family" since they only met each other that day, up until Incubus takes the opportunity to attack them.
- In the scene where Killer Croc throws explosives into Enchantress' weapon, Captain Boomerang instead offers to throw explosives, forgetting that he's used to throw boomerangs, and as such the explosives return to him and explode.
- The words on Deadshot's neck say "Get Jiggy With It."
- When all is said and done, Harley proposes a place to go for drinks: the Villain Pub. Where the Joker is the featured artist.The Joker: ♫ I started a joke... ♫
General Zod: What is his problem?
The Joker: ♫ But they cut me out of my movie! ♫
Loki: Oh, the cutting room blues.
The Joker: ♫ Now I finally see / That the joke was on me. ♫
- The squad gets thrown out of the pub after Palpatine points out that they saved the world, and as such they're heroes.
Villain Pub The Boss Battle
- The pub's new theme song. "Sometimes you wanna go WHERE EVERYBODY HATES YOUR FAAAAAAAACE..."
- The first lines of dialogue:Voldemort: Holy CRAP, it's Batman!
Batman: Hey, what's up? Found your little clubhouse.
- And where has Thanos been this whole time? On the toilet.Loki: Are you sure you don't want to get in on this, Thanos?
Thanos: Nah. Still not my time.
Batman: [taking the Infinity Gauntlet] Then you won't mind if I borrow this?
Thanos: OH NOW IT'S ON!
- After Batman punches out Thanos, we cut back to Joker, who hasn't moved once:Joker: Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous.
[cut to Batman, now carrying the Infinity Gauntlet, Loki's scepter, and his cup of coffee]
Batman: Because I'm Batma-
Joker: [evil laugh] Finally! I got you!
[epic music swells as Batman rises, having caught the bullet with his teeth]
Joker: Aw, come on...
- Batman gets to punch the Joker so much that each time he starts to change back to his version from Batman: The Animated Series, then The Dark Knight, then the 1989 Batman film, then finally the '60s Batman series. He even has Cesar Romero's moustache!Voldemort: I think [Batman] is punching him back in time!
Loki: Should we try to stop him?
Voldemort: Not in this case. No, I don't think so.
[they wait until Joker is in his Dark Knight version again]
- Batman is about to be eaten by the shark from Jaws... when he suddenly appears at the Super Café, safe and telling Superman his story. When Superman asks how he managed to get free, Batman uses his "Because I'm Batman" schtick, but even then Superman is skeptic. It turns out that he was saved by Doctor Strange.
How Star Wars Should Have Ended (Special Edition)
- When Luke asks Obi-Wan how his father died, it shows what would have happened if the latter had just straight-up told him that Darth Vader is his father. Hilarity Ensues.
- Obi-Wan curb stomps Darth Vader simply by remembering that he chopped off his legs.Darth Vader: I've been waiting for you Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last...
Obi-Wan: How did you get new legs? I seem to remember chopping those off...
Darth Vader: [having apparently not heard that] When I left you I was but the learner... Now I am-
Obi-Wan: [uses the Force] Are those made of metal? [crushes Vader's limbs, sending him to the floor] What is this, a breathing device? [crushes it]
Darth Vader: No, I need that!
Obi-Wan: What's with the helmet? Show your face, silly. [removes it] ...Oh my... ...someone has not aged well...
Darth Vader: [wheezing] I hate you so much.
- Earlier on, R2-D2 decides to stop the Stormtroopers from boarding the Tantive IV himself ("What do you mean, 'not if I have anything to say about it'?") — by whipping out a blaster from his rusty innards and shooting every single one of the Stormtroopers. And they ALL let out a Wilhelm Scream. It plays out almost like a Shoot 'em Up video game. And then Vader recognises him when he finally boards. Artoo makes a run for it.Rebel #1: That little droid did it!Rebel #2: Such a Mary Sue...
- When the two Imperial gunners see the fired escape pod with R2-D2 and C-3PO in it — instead of listening when he is told to "hold your fire", he quickly blasts it down anyway.Officer: [stands up] Jensen, may I speak to you in my office?
- Greedo suddenly realizing Dr. Cornelius Evazan and Ponda Baba must be worth quite a bounty if they've got a death sentence on them in twelve systems as they claim, and escorting them out at gunpoint.Evazan: Aw...! Yep. Shouldn't have said that out loud.Han Solo: I woulda just shot that guy.
- During the mission briefing, Dodonna keeps snarking that the Rebel base is comprised because of Princess Leia's fault.
- In The Stinger, Luke taking Obi-Wan's advice in the Death Star trench run a little too literally.Obi-Wan: Let go, Luke...
Luke: [lets go of controls] Okaaaaay, I'm letting gooooo...
Obi-Wan: No no, not like that, you IDIOT—
Obi-Wan: [sigh] Skywalkers.