In "Your Ed Here," Kevin makes Eddy kiss Eddon the lips. If you listen closely, you'll hear "nooo" and a "lock n load" sound effect before Eddy kisses Edd. Kevin and Nazz's reactions are funny too.
In "The Good Ol' Ed", in a fake flashback, Edd was suffering from an extreme case of hiccups, which Ed tried to cure by holding Edd's mouth open very wide and shouting "I am a zombie, and I will malice you with a shoehorn!" into it.
How about when he made swiss cheese in "Stuck in Ed", by using a corkscrew to make holes in the cheese?
"The harsh realities of your miserable lives have been restored! Thank you."
"A wooden board saved you from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly? MAMA! The fairy tale that haunts Rolf has come true!"
"Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets..."
Even better is how the split second before the cow falls on him, he has enough time to scream "Mama! A bandage for Rolf!"
The entire "That's My Horse" sequence from "Wish You Were Ed".
"A giant sea cucumber arose from the depths with one eye, blinking and blinking and looking at Rolf like a sandwich!"
"The space beneath the rock is vacant, she who gives migraines."
"Are you weak in the upper story?"
"Rolf will release his rage now!
"Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters."
Then there's his doomsday speech about school in "Out With The Old, In With The Ed." Or at least, the fact that it's a doomsday speech. Especially "The time of reckoning is upon us, half naked ed boys. For it is here we will be mercilessly judged."
Kevin: *Laughing at Edd* You throw like a two-year-old!
Rolf: Yeah, and two-year-olds are not even good at stuffing sausages!
Eddy: He'll show you!
Kevin: Show me what, his butterfly collection?!
Rolf: Yeah, and butterflies cannot stuff sausages, either!
Later, during the Eds vs. Kankers wrestling match
Rolf: Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft!!
Ed with bananas up his nose.
Ed: Buy one, get one free! Ha ha ha.
In "A Boy And His Ed", Edd is teaching Ed and Eddy about Kevin while they plan to get jawbreakers from him. At one point, Ed and Eddy shoot spitballs at the Kevin dummy Edd made.
Eddy: Not bad, huh, burr-head? Ed: Graah. * Ed puts a book in his mouth, chews it up, and tries to spit it out through the straw, but it backs up.* Ed: Oh no! My brain came out! Eddy: That's too big to be your brain!
Edd: What do you notice about Kevin? Eddy: His chin is almost as big as yours? Edd: (quickly pulls his shirt collar up over his chin) No, I was talking about, um... Eddy: Those three stupid hairs on his head?
In "Key to My Ed", Eddy is trying to figure out what a key they found opens. Edd starts to drone romantically about what it could possibly open, until Eddy tries to pry open a manhole cover, and the key flings away and ends up stuck in Edd's gap.
Eddy: It's a key! Itís supposed to open something! Edd: That's right, Eddy. Something dear and personal, like a box of photographs, or a diary with pages of truth and duration, or as simple as a locket of love. It's our responsibility to see that this key returns to its forsaken owner so life can- *thunk* *beat* Mortified? Yes. But I won't let myself fall prey to such shallow emotion. Not now. [continues talking through the shift in scenes] There's a fellow human crying for help, trying to mend the unraveled ball of yarn handed to them. Maybe that's the kind of world you wish to live in, Eddy, where the unyielding and the indifferent supersede the malevolent. I say- Eddy: SHUT UP, DOUBLE D! Ed, you understand anything Double D said? Ed:Pass the mustard.
The "Slide on the soap!" sequence in "From Here to Ed".
From the same episode, when Eddy prepares to fire a cannon at Kevin from a very crudely-built cardboard cloud contraption, Double-D's reaction takes the cake:
Edd: No one would ever suspect Mother Nature to harbor a spring-loaded circus cannon and blow innocent bystanders to kingdom come!
Eddy: *beat* I'm rubbing off on you, Double D!
The Eds' disguising themselves as Johnny by dressing up in a giant papier-mache head with a crudely-made replica of Plank glued to it. At the end of the cartoon, Johnny walks by wearing the thing and quips "Check it out, guys! I'm inside my own head!"
Kevin doesn't even take a second-glance at the disguise and just says "Oh! Hey, Johnny!". Then, the Eds trip over a fence and get stuck because of the large head, prompting Kevin to snark, "What a freak."
Then there's "It Came From Outer Ed", showing us exactly what happens when Ed comes up with a scam. It involves many parts that make no sense, including Ed telling Edd to move a bunch of rocks onto an X on the ground, despite the fact that Ed actually painted a Q. This is probably the highlight:
Ed: Nice job, Double-D! That looks just like a Q. Edd:Excuse me? Ed, I think somewhere along the line you lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential... Is that a doggy treat? Ed: * munching on a dog biscuit* What's the rock for, Double-D? Edd: * bewildered, drops the rock on his foot* My foot! Eddy: * comes into scene brutally injured* MY HEAD!
Ed: (Eating the mattress, and finishes as Double D shakes in fear of seeing things he rather not see, and somehow manages to digest the whole thing into his stomach, and retaining his original form shortly thereafter) "That hit the spot!
Edd: "Ed, what have I told you about the needless taxing of one's digestive system?"
"Wolf down the non-believer!"
The end of "I am Curious Ed", when the Eds have failed to explain to Jimmy and Sarah where babies come from, Ed delivers this gem of a line;
Ed: There there, Double D, it is not your fault you are so useless!"
The fact he delivers this line whilst smiling is hilarious, as is him picking up Eddy by the scruff of his neck with his teeth and flying over his house to drop him down the chimney.
Leading up to that moment, we've got Ed all eager about touching the grass.
Ed: I'm smarter than a sign!!! *Lifts up grass and crawls underneath it*
Ed: *Pops out of grass* BOING!
Edd: Well, I suppose that's not technically on the grass...
Robbin' Ed. All of it. From Edd's Bad Bad Acting in the "infomercial" for the Thing-a-ma-jig to Jonny's superhero alter-ego Captain Melonhead being saved from getting dunked in gravy by Ed (AKA "Average Joe").
Edd: Hold your horses! This butt's been used!
The entirety of "Eds-aggerate", especially the part with Ed interrupting Edd yet again by showing that he has a bone in his ear canal.
Ed: Well, I was walking down the sidewalk, carrying Eddy's box, when I saw a bug. Hello, bug! I followed the little dickens to this tree, see? And I hit my head on that branch! (hits head on branch) Nope, sorry. It was this one. (hits head on another branch) Then, I gazed at the stars.
Edd: Ed? Please don't do that.
Eddy: C'mon, we're wasting time! Where'd ya hide the magazines, Ed?
Ed: Here we go... (pulls out a rubber chicken) ... a rubber chicken. (throws chicken) "Hide the box, hide the box", I said... (trips on rubber chicken) ... but then I tripped; hanging onto my pal's box of magazines for dear life! (falls over) I fell, and slid into a sewer.
Eddy:A SEWER?! My magazines are in the sewer?!
Edd:Seems appropriate. You do realize that if your magazines are in that sewer, they'll be totally illegible; the text smeared by the damp sludge.
Edd: Uh-oh, a fence. (runs into it) Gravy! Ed: Aw, c'mon, Double-Dee, I don't say "gravy" all the time Edd: Buttered toast, then.
In "Ed, Ed and Away", Ed manages to make Eddy fly by pulling on a strap on Eddy's pants, causing his hair to spin like a helicopter. Edd's reaction is the funniest part:
Edd: Remind me to ask how you did that Ed...
The same episode has Edd, near the beginning, complaining about their endless series of failed scams:
Edd: It's the same thing, day in and day out... it's so monotonous! A pipe dream, at best! Ed: You are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes, too.
Also, in the same episode, all three Eds are chasing after a balloon as they run through Rolf's farm and plow through several animals... Except for a cow which promptly falls on top of Rolf.
Rolf: Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets...
And again, from the same episode and sequence:
Edd: We'd have to sprout wings to reach it at that height! Ed: Fly, Double-D, fly! *throws Edd* Nazz: *walks by* Hey, guys, whatcha doin'? Ed: Fly, Nazz, fly! *throws Nazz* Eddy: "She didn't even make a grab for it!
Then, after the balloon pops...
Ed: Float, little friend, float. *tosses balloon*
The whole episode, really. Gets even better when you realize that the show managed to make a funny and entertaining episode about chasing a balloon.
The entire episode 'They Call Him Mr. Ed', including the gratuitous use of the word "up", Ed's cardboard elevator, and Edd and Eddy's reactions to espresso:
Edd: Well that was an upturn for the worse. Eddy: I almost upchucked!
The bit where Ed carries something into the homemade elevator cartoon-style with one of him at each end and the part where he runs into the invisible barrier Double D set up before! Cartoon logic at it's best, folks!
Edd: Ed... Not that you'd understand the geometry involved in such an endeavor, but... That isn't how you go "through" a maze! Ed: Hang on, Double-D, I'll think of something.
In "Cry Ed", Eddy tries to injure himself to get the kids to worry about him and not Jimmy. To do so, he prompts Edd to punch him, but Edd refuses to do so. Eddy taunts Edd for being chicken. Ed looks at this exchange with confusion, then smiles with an idea before walking off. Later, a shadow casts over Eddy and Ed, which prompts this little dialogue:
Ed: (Holding a house over them) Here, Eddy! Lots of hurt, hold the onions. Edd: (Completely and rationally freaks out) OKAY FINE I'M A CHICKEN! (quickly runs away) Eddy: (dumbfounded) Um... Ed? (Ed drops the house on Eddy) Edd:ED! What in heaven's name were you thinking?! Ed: (proudly) Absolutely nothing, Double D.
The bit in "Quick Shot Ed" where Rolf fell into his own sausage machine and got turned into a giant hot dog, which prompts him to freak out, going, "I am a wiener!"
From "Laugh, Ed, Laugh", Eddy using Ed as a shovel while Ed gleefully chants "Dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole..."
The entire episode qualifies, from Eddy going nuts, to Ed's explanation on why the kids weren't outside....
Ed: The kids entered a wormhole and were spewed into a alternate universe! Simple. Eddy:You're simple.
Double-D locks Eddy in a shed, and tells Ed to hide the key "discretely." Ed promptly places the key between two slices of bread and begins chewing on it. Then Eddy gets back to normal and finds they're locked in the shed:
Eddy: Where's the stupid key? Ed: (happily) I ate it! Discretely.
"Jonny, you dropped your face. I'll get you a new one!"
"HAM AND EGGS WITH BUTTERED TOAST!!!" (bites off a piece of fence)
Eddy tries to impress someone without going crazy.
Eddy: Guys, wait!! Um.... *Wraps tongue around his head like a turban*
Ed: Aw, c'mon, Eddy, we've seen that before! Now you're boring us!
"I AM ED! CHEESE AND MACARONI!"
"Eddy can be the world's shortest elephant!"
"I smell my fingers after I eat cheese!" (cue a 'WTF' expression from Eddy and his brother)
In "Tag Yer Ed" when the Eds are about to pour milk into their bowl of Chunky Puffs:
Eddy: I love Chunky Puffs! (slab of expired milk falls out of the carton into the bowl) Eddy: I hate chunky milk.
The Kankers want to fight their "boyfriends":
Lee: Ha! I say we wrestle you! May and Marie are great at purple nurples!
Eddy: YOU'RE ON, KANKERS!
Ed: What's a purple nurple?
Edd: I think it has something to do with a strudel filling.
The very fact that Ed could get rid of the Kanker Sisters at any time, if he weren't bound by one rule:
Eddy: Give 'em the burrhead bump, Ed!
Ed: *Walks over with all three Kankers grabbing on to him, trying to beat him up* I can't, Eddy! My mom says I can't fight girls.
Eddy: Ed, gimme a hand! (Ed gives him Double D's hand, starts snickering) Ed: [Found one! Double D: This joke is older than my Mesozoic fossil collection, Ed. Ed: Whoops, there it goes! Yup, my brain stopped. —>(the Kankers are sunbathing) May: Hey Marie, can you flip me over, I'm getting crispy. (Marie ignores her) MARIE, FLIP ME OVER, I'M GETTING CRISPY! (she still ignores her)MARIE!! Lee: Shut up, May! (Literally flips May over, chair and all)
In the first scene of the episode, Eddy crashes Rolf's tractor into a house. Ed tells him he's "seen better" and proceeds to criticize the way he crashed it.
Ed: Look, the tractor is still intact, you could have done a lot more with the tree, and you hardly wrecked Kevin's fence. And the steering wheel should be rammed over your head, like so!
The Eds finally realize who the trailer could belong to:
Eddy: You hear that? *Laughter* ...Kankers!
Edd: And we're out in the open!
Ed: *Rams Edd and Eddy into the trailer door* Quick! Hide in here!
Then, when the Kankers settle on what they (read: Lee) want to watch:
Ed: I am a whale, Eddy, an endangered mammal! Hug me.
In "To Sir with Ed":
Eddy: My brother told me that chicks are only wowed by one thing: cash!
Edd: That's so superficial, Eddy! Females admire more meaningful things. Like sincerity, respect, and good grooming.
Ed: And potato chips!
Eddy: We, the Eds, are smarter than-
Eddy: Um, no, Ed.
Ed: Buttered Toast?
Edd: Oh, boy...
Ed:A bus driver??
Everything from "Who, What, Where, Ed", in which the Eds are forced to make a bunch of trades just to get an egg.
Jonny had clams that the boys needed, in which he gives this line.
Jonny:Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Plank.
Eddy: Clams?! What's with clams? *rings a doorbell* Could you spare some clams?
Edd: *Ringing another doorbell* Pardon me; you wouldn't happen to have any clams, would you?
Eddy: *At another house* Say, you haven't seen any clams around here, have you?
Edd: *At yet another house* Could we borrow a cup of...clams?
Ed: *At final house* Can Eddy come out and play?
Eddy: I'm right beside you, Ed.
Ed: Hi, Eddy!
Jonny wanted an anchor. Of all places, the Eds think to go to the Kankers' trailer, disguised as a really tall man with a mustache and a pimp hat. (Actually just the Eds on each other's shoulders covered in a trench coat, with Eddy on top.)
Eddy: Greetings, ladies. Um, we're doing a survey, and-
Edd: *From underneath the coat* Eddy!
Eddy: Oh, uh, ahem *makes voice deeper* I mean, I'm doing a survey, and-
Lee: Our mom's not home!
Marie: Yeah, so take a hike! *Kankers laugh like hyenas*
Eddy: I was wondering: How many anchors do you own? *Big nervous grin*
May: That's stupid!
Lee: You look familiar, mister!
Eddy: *Lee's interjection caused Ed to walk back and laugh* *Grunts* Stop it, will ya?
May: You've been on an infomercial?
Eddy: Um, no-yes! Quite famous, actually. Want my autograph?
Ed: *pops out of costume* I'm the legs!
Edd: *Costume is ruined* Oh my, exposed!
Marie: It's our boyfriends!!
Lee: *Dreamily* Eddy's such a weasel...
Marie: Group hug! *Lips turn giant as she puckers up*
May: Let's kiss 'em!
Ed: Oh no, not me!! *Runs off, while the Kankers all land, while trying to kiss their boyfriends, on their airbag lips.*
From "Three Squares and an Ed", in which Eddy tries to get Ed out to freedom.
Eddy: Now all we have to do is go up the- *stairs aren't there* What happened to the stairs?!
Ed: My parents took 'em down because I am grounded!