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Funny / Men in Black

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First film

  • The bug in the Edgar suit, full stop. No wonder a lot of people loved Vincent D'Onofrio's performance, convincing as a giant alien bug criminal trying very hard to contort himself in a smaller body.
    • The Bug's command for sugar water goes unnoticed at first
    (The Bug in his new "Edgar suit" clumsily bangs into the front door, then walks inside)
    Beatrice: Edgar, what on earth was that?
    Bug: Sugar.
    Beatrice: I've never seen sugar do that.
    Bug: Give me... sugar. (Beatrice grabs a jar of sugar) In water. (Beatrice grabs a glass of water and pours a bit of sugar in it) More. (Beatrice pours in a little more sugar) More! (Beatrice pours half of the jar in the water)
    • Then when Beatrice notices something is horribly wrong, as "Edgar"'s skin folds in on itself while he's drinking:
    Beatrice: Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones.
    (The Bug turns to look in the mirror, complete with a sound effect of the water swishing around in his stomach)
    Bug: Oh, yeah. (yanks face back as inhumanly far as the loose skin will take it) There. Is that better?
    (Beatrice faints)
  • Jay requesting upon his initiation that nobody refer to him as sport, kid, or any other condescending nickname, only for K to immediately call him slick. And later on, Zed refers to him as "junior" as he and K are about to leave to the investigation site. The look on Jay's face says it all.
  • The interrogation of Frank.
    • "Call the pound, we've got a stray!"
    • Especially when Tommy Lee Jones starts corpsing.
    • "Uh, the dog owes my friend money."
  • Jay's WTF expression when he saw Frank talking.
    • Especially his expression of the worms.
  • This exchange between Edgar and his wife...
    Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Hey, don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it! It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!
    [A UFO crash-lands into said truck]
    Edgar: (rushes outside to survey the mess) Figures.
  • In the recruitment sequence:
    James Edwards: Maybe you already answered this, but, why exactly are we here?
    Zed: [noticing a recruit raising his hand] Son?
    Jake Jenson: Second Lieutenant, Jake Jenson. West Point. Graduate with honors. We're here because you are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir! [shoots James a snobbish glare but Edwards bursts out laughing]
    Zed: Something funny, Edwards?
    Edwards: My boy Captain America over here! "Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!" Obviously, he's just really excited and he has no clue why we're here.
    Edwards (sheepishly): Y'all ain't laughing, though...
  • The entire "written test" sequence, with everyone trying and utterly failing to figure out how to actually do the test, which basically looks something similar to an SAT.
    • And then would-be!J pulls the little table in the room towards him. Oh, God, the noise...the NOISE it makes! CinemaSins had to take a sin off of this film because of how funny it was.
      • Perhaps even funnier is the fact J acts in an entirely logical manner; it's simple problem solving to actually use the desk, but the others look at him in the most pitiful manner possible.
  • The scene where Jay finally pushes the little red button, and he Screams Like a Little Girl at the sudden velocity.
    • Kay happily driving the car upside down and singing along with Elvis' "Promised Land." He pays the toll without missing a beat.
    • Plus, this golden exchange:
    Jay: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
    Kay: No, Elvis is not dead, he just went home.
  • After K interrogates Jeebs in the pawnshop, he threatens him with even more bodily harm and leaves. Edwards can only say "Yeah, and, and... I'ma be back to talk about them Rolexes."
  • Prior to this, when he first comes in, he comments that he's heard that Jeebs is into something hotter than stolen Rolexes.
    Jeebs: Well, also, I'm huge crack dealer now, but I still work here. I love the hours.
  • In a dark, strobe-lit shooting gallery full of mockup aliens, Jay holds his fire, looking around, until finally he lets off one carefully-placed shot - directly between the eyes of a cardboard cutout of a little girl.
    Zed: Edwards, what the hell happened?
    Edwards: Hesitated.
    Zed: (pushes a button a remote and brings forth the headshotted Tiffany) May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?
    Edwards: Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir.
    Zed: How'd you come to that conclusion?
    Edwards: Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some shit, Zed! (By now, Zed is grinning widely) She's about eight years old, those books are way too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. (beat) Or do I owe her an apology?
    (Zed and the others start filing out)
    Edwards: (to another candidate) That was a pretty good shot, though, right?
    • Which, according to the comics, is the right answer.
    • One might be worried for little girls who are carrying their older sister's textbook to their dorm, however.
    • Then there's Zed's statement to the others. "Gentlemen, congratulations! You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. And now if you'll just follow me, we have one more test to administer: an eye exam."
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    • When Zed mentions the "eye exam," he has a gleeful smile on his face. You just know he's going to enjoy neuralizing these guys.
  • When K and J go to interview Beatrice about her husband being killed by the Bug, K whips out the neuralizer as she mentions about "Edgar" wanting sugar water and erases her memory using a story regarding light from Venus reflecting off swamp gas. J is unimpressed with K's "weak-ass story" and convinces him to at least give her some closure about her husband.
    Kay: On a more personal note, Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend, so my advice would be to go stay with your mom for a few days and decide you're better off without him and move on.
    Jay: Well, yeah, because he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what? (points at Beatrice) You. Kicked. Him. Out. Alright? And now that he's gone, you're gonna do what he said, you're gonna go stay with your mother. Then you're gonna go into town, go over to Bloomingvale's and get yourself some new dresses, some new shoes, maybe find somewhere where you can get a facial. (looks around the house) Oh, and hire a decorator to come in here quick because, damn.
    (Beatrice sits there, completely deadpan and slowly blinking.)
    • As Jay goes into his spiel, Kay leaves the room with a "this smart-ass rookie's gonna be the death of me" scowl on his face.
    • Later in the film, the gag is paid off when Jay fires his "Noisy Cricket" weapon in public and then starts spinning a story to a crowd about swamp gas before being mercifully called away so the crowd can be neuralyzed en masse.
  • When J and K show up to interview Beatrice, she offers them some lemonade, which J finds so awful that he spits it back into the glass. She never bothered to get any more sugar after giving it all to Bug!Edgar.
  • Agent K's eagerness to use the neuralizer gets on J's nerves...
    Kay: Have a look at this, please...(triggers neuralizer)
    Jay: (barely able to shield his eyes with his glasses) Would you stop that?!
    Kay: (annoyed) What?
    Jay: That thing is gonna give that poor woman brain cancer or something!
    Kay: Never hurt her before...(he leaves, Jay in tow)
    Jay: "Never hurt her before"? Kay, how many times have you flashy-thinged that poor woman?
    Kay: A couple.
    Jay: So you're not worried about any long-term damage?
    Kay: A little.
    Jay: Kay, have you ever flashy-thinged me?
    Kay: No.
    Jay: I ain't playin', Kay! Have you ever flashy-thinged me before?!
    Kay: No.
  • Identifying the Bug:
    Kay: I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
    • Just before that:
    Jay: Yo, Kay, look, check it out, man, when do I get my own little flashy-memory-messer-upper-thingie?
    Kay: When you grow up.
    Jay: Mmm, ok. *wipes his brow with his middle finger *
  • The alien childbirth scene. Jay is getting pummeled all over the car and screaming in the background, and Kay is just chatting calmly with Reggie. It's harder to pay attention to the foreground event, but it's pretty important. The start is particularly hilarious.
    Kay: (to Jay, looking at an alien woman in labor) And you, uh, deal with this!
    (Kay dodges off to talk with Reg)
    • Later:
    Kay: What kind of an emergency? What's the rush to get off the planet all of a sudden?
    Jay: (as he's being pummeled by the tentacle) KAY! KAAAAAY!
    Kay: You're doing fine, Ace!
    Jay: KISS MY ASS, KAY! (gets dragged into car by tentacle)
    Kay: (pats Reggie on the back) Congratulations Reg, it's a... squid.
    Jay: (cradling newborn) Well, is kinda—
    (The newborn alien projectile vomits all over Jay's face)
    Jay: ...cute.
    • And when it's over:
    Kay: Did anything about that seem weird to you?
    (Jay just stares at him, still covered in sticky squid-juice)
    Kay: What would scare Reg so much that he would risk a warp-jump with a newborn?
  • Agent J receiving the Noisy Cricket.
    Kay: (cues up Wall of Weapons and grabs a powerful looking blaster) Series-4 Deatomizer.
    Jay: (expectantly) Now that's what I'm talking about—
    Kay: (hands Jay a very tiny pea-shooter) The Noisy Cricket.
    Jay: (gawking as he receives his weapon) Kay...hey, man! You get a series-4 deatomizer and I get this little midget cricket?!
    Kay: (panics and pushes Jay's hand away as he almost points it at him)
    Jay: I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing!
  • The scene where Jay accidentally releases the alien super ball that caused the 1977 New York blackout in MIB HQ.
    "That was a practical joke from the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell."
    • The best bit is when it bounces around Zed's office and he is still calmly doing his work.
  • The two Arquillians at the diner (speaking their own language) bonding over their dislike of Earth's taxi drivers and shared love of pierogies, and talking about the diamonds Rosenberg has brought along as a souvenir for his aide's children.
  • When Zed is talking to Kay about the Arquillians after Kay requests a massive mindwiping for a lot of witnesses, Zed notices the Worms are leaving, fully packed for their evacuation of earth despite years of loyalty to the MIB. His reaction?
    • And what do the Worms do in response? They mock Zed and walk off while singing the Star Spangled Banner. Do note that one of them seems to be holding a bottle of beer.
  • The message that threatens to destroy the Earth if the Galaxy isn't returned. Not the message itself, but more of how they end it.
    MIB - Deliver the galaxy or Earth will be destroyed. Sorry.
    • Jay's response is hilarious: "Aw, naw. That's bullshit."
  • While James Edwards is being questioned.
    Police Inspector: Why didn't the other officers see either of these events?
    Edwards: Well, sir, most of the officers are a bit soggy around the midsection, which is why they were unable to catch up.
    NYPD Sergeant: Edwards, if you were half the man I am...
    Edwards: (stares at the cop's stomach) What are you talking about? I am half the man you are!
  • The sergeant shouts that he wants to talk to him.
    Sergeant: Ten minutes, take your best shot. (stalks off)
    Edwards: Take ten minutes on a Stairmaster, you pudgy bastard.
  • "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"
  • J's infamous Badass Boast about the NYPD. "N! Y! P! D! Means I will Knock! Yo'! Punk-Ass! DOWN!"
  • After interrogating a random merchant for information about where Earth's dead people are kept, Bug!Edgar knocks down a bunch of bug spray cans and swatters (I mean, why wouldn't he?) and then takes one of the postcards he's selling.
    Merchant: That's three for a dollar! Sir!
  • Laurel trying to discreetly tell J that Bug!Edgar is hiding under a gurney with a gun pointed at her. J thinks she's flirting. Even Bug!Edgar rolls his eyes at the situation.
  • J's supremely frustrated effort to get K and Zed's attention: "HEY. OLD GUYS."
  • During J's introduction into the M.I.B-HQ, he's shown a screen of aliens disguised as humans under supervision (which includes celebrities, one of them being Sylvester Stallone). This makes him remember how, as a kid, he was convinced that a teacher he had back in elementary school was an alien in disguise—J's talking in jest of course, but then K reveals that the teacher J's talking about is in fact an alien disguised as a human.
  • "I'm sorry. Was that your auntie?"
  • For everyone who knows what a financial clusterfuck the '64 World's Fair was, K's confession that the only reason it happened at all was to cover up a UFO landing is absolutely hilarious.
    K: Why else would we hold it in Queens?
  • The Montage has one funny moment where Jay puts his hands on a silver ball. Which is attached to a computer. Said ball is designed to remove fingerprints, so no MIB agent could have any trace evidence. After the deed is done, Jay violently removes his hands from the ball shouting "OW!!!!" In a blink if you miss moment, you'll see 5 orange glowing spots where his fingers were placed. This implies that his fingers were burned by the ball.
  • When Bug!Edgar is climbing to his saucer near the climax with Laurel in his grasp, whom he plans to eat on the way to his homeworld, she's quick to plea with him not to eat her, telling him things like she's "a goddess" worshipped by lots of people and that her kidnapping could lead to a war. Edgar, being Edgar, simply tells "her majesty" a war would result in lots of food for him and his family of one-million members.
  • This exchange at the end of the movie:
    Elle: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.
    Jay: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.
    Elle: Rodman? You're kidding.
    Jay: Nope.
    Elle: Not much of a disguise.
  • Laurel ultimately killing the Bug is simultaneously epic and hilarious at the same time due to how casual it is. Her line when J and K, covered in bug-slime stare at her in disbelief with J's gun in her hands, is what sells it:
    Laurel: Interesting job you guys have...
  • After the Arquillian died:
    Jay: (calling K) Doctor... whatever.
    Laurel: Doctor Whatever?
    • While he may have said that because Laurel already saw the alien, Jay has likely forgotten K's alias.
    • Laurel's remark about Kay, "But don't tell him, he looks like he's already under enough stress." That pretty much describes Kay.
  • The baseball player saw the spaceship Edgar was flying, and didn't see the ball as it hit his head.
    • At the end of the movie, he was mentioned in an article of a National Inquirer magazine of his claims that "UFO made me miss the ball".
  • Orion, the cat of the dead Arquilian, is brought to the morgue and Laurel wonders what the deal is.
    Police officer: Yeah, well there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.
    Laurel: (signing) What's the problem with the cat?
    Police officer: He's your problem. (chuckles)
  • When trying to stop the Bug from escaping with the Galaxy, J tells him that the only way off the planet is to go through him. The Bug simply punches him in the face with a left hook and knocks him aside.
  • When Kay goes to get his gun back from the Bug.
    Kay: Eat me! (jumps up in the air, while waving his arms) EAT ME!!!
  • On a meta level, the posters managed to get a lot of mileage out of the fact that the film's lead actors were literally named "Mr. Jones" and "Mr. Smith."note 


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