While Jack's driving Zoe back home in the first episode.
Zoe: Listen... dog.
Jack: No, you listen, home girl...
Zoe: (pointing) No, dog!!!
Many of the moments in the first episode are funny. For instance, when Carter first meets Taggart he ends up in a dog kennel.
Jo and Zoe.
Jo: That's one.
Zoe: Ooh, is that supposed to scare me?
Jo: That's two.
Sheriff Cobb: She must like you. I've never seen her get as high as two before.
Henry's introduction with his assistant Spencer grumbling about having to work on the liquid nitrogen tanks and stuff the way some people wold grouse about doing the dishes.
In "Primal" a neural interface for computers developed by Fargo (of course) and tested by Nathan Stark is interacting with Taggart's medical nanites, creating an army of Starks living out his subconscious desires. Carter has to press to get specifics about Stark's last dream.
Jack: Oh, come on Stark, it's no time to be bashful Stark: There was some. . . wish-fulfillment fantasies in there. Jack: Like? Stark: Ali. And. . . some other stuff. Jack: I need specifics. Stark: The usual! Power, success, control over. . . everything. Jack: You dream about world domination?! Stark: (defensively) Not all the time.
Near the end of "Dr. Nobel":
"Did somebody cut the blue wire?"
Anytime Jack and Stark snip at each other is a moment of funny.
Nathan Stark: Yes, he said "invisibling".
While Stark was technically an illusion in the season 4 episode "The Ex-Files". It was still pretty funny to see them snip at each other again.
Jack: I just don't get it. (Behind him, Stark is suntanning)
Stark: It's science, Carter. No one expects you to get it.
Jack: Well, if it's... (sees Stark) Put a shirt on!
Stark: Hey, this is your fantasy, not mine.
In "Many Happy Returns", S.A.R.A.H. locks Carter out of the house because he didn't call and say he was running late. Followed by Carter actually stroking the door as he tries to placate the house so she would open the door.
Carter: [trying to get in his house] Open the door! S.A.R.A.H.: Due to technical difficulties I cannot visually confirm identity at this time. Carter: Okay, listen to my voice. Its me. Jack Carter. S.A.R.A.H.: Voice recognition imprint is currently off-line. And in the future, when someone says theyll be home for dinner and theyre running late, its polite to call. Carter: Youre joking. Youre mad at me?
Purple Haze. The residents of Eureka are infected with something that dramatically alters their personalities. Henry becomes mean and sullen, Jo becomes bubbly and hyper, and Alison shirks her responsibilities, quits her job, and comes on very aggressively to Jack. And Vincent is rude to people in Cafe Diem.
Henry: Aren't you supposed to be watching the game? Jack: Fargo called. Henry: Ah, Wagner again. Jack: I get all the conductors confused. Henry: Composers. Jack: I rest my case.
As part of her affliction, Beverly Barlowe, town psychiatrist, starts spilling everyone's secrets over the PA system that streams directly to everyone's cell phones, starting with Alison Blake (she went alphabetically). Jack arrives as she hits "Perkins".
Jack: (taking the PA away) Look, people are having a little trouble controlling their impulses today, so I'm just going to save you from yourself. Alison: (busting in the front door) You're a dead woman. Jack: And her.
H.O.U.S.E. Rules, after it's revealed that S.A.R.A.H. started her/its existence as a war-game simulator:
Alison: (walking up from beind) Oh, I'll remember this when you're being arrested on Dateline. Jack: Nice. No we're— planning— the surprise party! Alison: Uh-huh.
A few moments later:
Jack: So, you coming to Zoe's surprise party? Alison: Me? I thought you were into young brunettes. Jack: No, I'm into old bru— nettes. Alison: Didn't come out right, did it? Jack: No.
Games People Play, Jack wonders if people (starting with Jo) are vanishing from reality and he's the only one who remembers them, or if he just cracked his head really hard. Using Occam's Razor, Henry convinces Jack to get an MRI.
Alison: I'm not saying you can't have one, I'm just asking why do you want one? Jack: It's not a big deal, I just bumped my this morning and Henry thought it would be a good idea if I had it looked at. Stark: Have any dizziness, nausea, headaches? Jack: No, my head was pounding earlier, but it's fine now. Actually, it's totally fine now. Stark: Problem solved. Jack: (to Alison) What is he even doing here? Alison: He works here. Jack: He was fired weeks ago. Stark: (Beat) O-kay, brain scan it is.
Duck, Duck, Goose, Henry explains an abandoned experimental weapons project to use electromagnets to drop space junk on incoming missiles that was tested in Nevada.
Henry: We abandoned it after our very first attempt. Jack: I'm hoping you didn't suck down a bunch of planes and helicopters. Henry: No, but nearly all the recorded data in Nevada was erased. Tapes in video stores, floppy disks in casinos, half the database of Area 51. Jack: (grinning) Area 51 is real? Henry: (nodding) No.
Noche de Suenos, Fargo, after nearly getting hit by an out-of-control toxic waste truck and saved by Carter, is whining in the GD infirmary when Jack and Jo come in to check on the driver of the truck.
Carter: Morning, how's the driver doing? Nurse: Mr. Wyatt should be fine. Suffered a mild concussion, a few cracked ribs, we're just running some more tests. Fargo: Nurse! More pillows! Nurse: But that boy? May die!
Fargo in Jo's dream playing... El Fargo! With Stark as the mustache-twirling villain. And then when they wake up...
Fargo:Madre de Dios!
Fargo: That could have been anybody's dream.
Jack dreaming about kissing Allison while the local efficiency expert is hovering in the background and critiquing his methods.
Zoe and Pilar got suspended for copying on a test....in a dream. Their teachers dream. And considering neither of them were GD employees it was all in the teacher's mind, not there's.
In E=MC. . ., Eureka's high-tech handcuffs, which Carter puts on himself and Zane to keep the latter under control.
Jo: They're geodedic coordinate transceivers. It'll show his location within one meter, and if her tries to run, it's also got a restraint field. Zane: An emerging graviton field generator? Very cool. Jo: If he tries to escape, hit the button. Jack: (looking at his cuff) What button? (Zane hits the button on his cuff, Carter starts screaming and convulsing) Zane: Got a button! Carter: (Screams Like a Little Girl)
After almost everyone's been rendered extremely unintelligent, Jack stumbles across some GD employees playing Marco Polo. . . except they're all saying "Marco". He corrects them, that one of them is supposed to say "Polo," the game's called "Marco Polo," only to leave as they all keep saying "Polo".
Zane explains how he's going to use the high-tech handcuffs to reinforce the containment field around a budding big bang experiment to Henry, Stark, Alison, and Carter (all of whom, save Carter, are experiencing extreme degradation of their intelligence).
Henry: (laughing) I have not a clue about anything you just said! Jack: He's going to contain it. Henry: (stares at Jack) Jack: (worried) What? Henry: I'm sorry, Jack, I just realized this is how you must feel all the time. Jack:: (looks offended) Thank you, Henry, very kind.
Jack recruiting a socially awkward veterinarian, as she's one of the only scientists left in town not "turned dumb".
Scientist: (nervous) I, don't work on people.
Jack: Today you do. (starts to drag her along)
Scientist: (even more nervous) No, you don't want me too.
Sight Unseen, where it's possible lifeforms from moon rocks kept at Global Dynamics are spreading Aluminum-26 radiation through the entire building.
Alison: Just what we need. Airborn intelligent radioactive life. Jack: From space! Stark: Can we put a bell on him?
All That Glitters, something is turning metal in Eureka into gold, via metal-to-metal contact. Half of the metal objects in Cafe Deim are the latest victims.
Jo: (grinning) We just became the richest town in the world. Henry: Well, that's one way to look at it. Gold is a soft metal, so it doesn't bear the same weight as steel, so our infrastructure could be collapsing. We'd be rich, but dangerously unstable. Jo: Like. . . Paris Hilton?
What About Bob?, Carter having Lab 27 explained to him.
Derek: Lab 27 is a sealed biosphere. A self-sustaining ecosystem designed to research and support the Mars missions. Jack: You do mean the potential Mars missions? Derek: (sarcastically) Right. Alison: (shakes her head warningly at Derek) Derek: I mean, right.
Carter laughing about the missing scientist's name being "Bob Knob".
Fargo hacking into the feed from Lab 27 so others can watch it like a TV show. He even calls it "the mother of all reality shows," and many of the comments made while watching go quite meta.
Fargo: The injection of new talent has really made the show fresh again! Vincent: So, which of the scientists do you think is the Red Herring? Lucas: Do you think the arrival Sheriff Carter has made the show more. . . procedural?
And Zane needs one last thing to fix the problem of the week, and goes to the one person in all Eureka who can help.
Zane: (busting into the Sheriff's office) Jo? I need a gun. A big, powerful gun. Jo: (standing up and grinning like a lunatic) I've been waiting for someone to say that to me my whole life.
Best In Faux, Jo explaining to Carter about Eureka's robotic dog show.
Jack: So what, the DoD has some program to create heavily-armed robotic dog soldiers? Jo: No, but that would be so cool.
Stark says that he needs to go over some information with Carter about an earthquake that only he felt. Once Alison leaves:
Stark: Shut up, Carter, there was no earthquake, Jo was fifty feet from you, she would have felt it. I need a favor. Carter: And that's how you ask? Who raised you?
Fargo points Jack at the lead seismologist, volcanologist, geologist, etc. in Eureka. The man is. . . a bit eccentric, even by Eureka's standards.
Dr. Hood: Dougie Fargo? That wild man! He tell you about the time we were running those Columbian drugs? Jack: (understandably concerned) Uh, no. Dr. Hood: Yeah. Columbia Med School wanted to make mineral-based vaccines.
Alison gets bombarded by a Fumarole (she calls it a "mud volcano") that Dr. Hood and Carter are chasing. . . in a big white wedding dress she was trying on.
And Carter and Stark are at it again:
Carter: Okay, I've got an idea, just tell me if it's incredibly stupid. Stark: Yes.
SARAH's an AI who might be learning a bit too much from Jack.
SARAH: Sheriff Carter, you planed to do aerobics tonight from eight to nine-thirty, followed by bill-paying. Jack: Yeah, I'm taking the night off. SARAH: Good idea, stress is America's number-one health problem! Jack: (muttering) Oh, drop dead. SARAH: Followed closely by sarcasm.
Here Come the Suns:
Zoe's efforts to be the campaign manager for her boyfriend during the race for mayor, and her Oh, Crap! expression and muttering about how she needs to resign after learning her lab partner is behind the latest scientific mishap because Zoe left her unsupervised.
When Zoe doesn't want to leave Carter in the middle of the catastrophe, he tells Lucas to move her, asking if he's more scared of him or Zoe to which Lucas replies it's no contest, picks Zoe up over his shoulder and takes her way.
In Phased and Confused, Fargo gives Carter a prototype communication device to test. For starters, it burrows into the skin after Carter puts it behind his ear as instructed, to access his synapses and call whoever he thinks about calling, and transmitting their side of the conversation directly into his brain (which Carter describes as creepy when he tests it by calling Fargo). Then Carter tries to call Zoe, and gets an electric shock. Fargo informs him there are some kinks, and he should avoid names that begin with Z. Or A. Or anything with umlaut.
The ending to Here Come the Suns, when it's revealed that the winner of the mayoral election is none other than Henry.
The fact that Jack desperately wanted him to take the position, because Lucas would be next in line for the job.
"Welcome Back, Carter", Sheriff Andy's name database getting scrabbled after a satellite dish landed on him.
Andy: (addressing Dr. "Leonardo") Now, are you willing to cooperate Dr. Leotardo?
It's Not Easy Being Green, dealing with a runaway microbe (that's no longer so micro) designed to eat radiation. After finishing off all stocks of its favorite food (a nuclear element made by Global Dynamics), "Spot" is a big green blob hungry for any kind of radiation. Also, Alison is pregnant, and Jack has his "Eureka!" Moment looking at a tub of ice cream on her desk.
Jack: Judging by it's size, it'll eat just about anything. Alison: Did you just look at me when you said that?
Alison: Just be careful, Carter. Jack: I should be able to handle a mindless eating machine. Alison: . . . You looked at me again. Jack: Oh, no, the. . . no, I was, dah. . . you're pretty.
Carter's visible disappointment when the visiting Aliens from Area 51 just turn out to be the name of its bowling team.
Shower To The People, when they're concerned a scientist's new super-absorbency technology may have been used to murder another scientist via excessive drowning:
Carter: Hey, uh, Fargo's checking Draper's diapers. Alison: You realize how strange that sounds? Carter: Yes.
Then another scientist dies the same way, and Carter makes one of his usual intuitive leaps, suggesting that maybe the drowning people are making excess water and drowning themselves. Fargo is unconvinced, stating that he'll need more evidence to buy that theory. Then they turn and see the body bag swollen and water shooting out along the zipper like a garden soaker hose.
Carter thinks he's the next drowning victim, as he's had several visits to the bathroom recently and is suddenly feeling very bad. He wakes up in the GD infirmary, with Alison and Fargo standing over him, assuring him that, while he's not drowning, his condition is serious.
Carter: What condition is that? Alison: Couvade syndrome. I had Bruce examine you, he's an expert on neural pathway anomalies. Carter: (increasingly worried) How serious is this? Fargo: (shaking his head sadly, pausing) You're pregnant. (Alison and Fargo begin smirking and chuckling) Carter: Excuse me? Alison: It's sympathy pregnancy.
In You Don't Know Jack, Carter and Allison are trapped in GD, everyone but Jack and Zoe are losing their memories, and GD is scheduled for a thermal cleaning. Jack keeps trying to convince Allison to help him as she keeps forgetting what he's saying.
Jack: All right, one more time. Allison, we're about to be vibrated to death, and not in the good way. (later) Jack: You're the head of Global Dynamics. Allison: I am, when did that happen? (looks at her very pregnant belly) Oh my God, when did that happen?
Fargo: (of newborn baby Jenna) She's so wrinkly! But cute.
Have an Ice Day, Zane has not been acting himself after being away for a month, much to Jo's dismay. They finally figure out what's up, and Zane's recovering in the infirmary, while Jo fluffs his pillows with all the gentleness and finesse she would use working a boxing bag.
What Goes Around, Comes Around, it's Muffin Monday at Cafe Diem, but Carter has to watch his blood pressure (according to SARAH). Then, a colorful encounter involving a theoretical star that will wipe out all life on Earth in 2,000 years and GD's massive supercollider that makes "CERN look like a slingshot" has him recap the last five minutes of the episode with Jo:
Carter: So, the laws of physics are in peril, my daughter's moving out, and the world's coming to end? Jo: I say, have the muffin!
Carter walks in on Fargo and Julia "consummating their relationship," with mellow jazz playing and Martha (the GD security/attack drone) providing mood lighting via retractable disco ball.
Carter needs to go to ground zero of an electromagnetic storm to Reverse the Polarity on the device causing the problem of the week. Because the intense electromagnetism can result in complete loss of motor control, he uses Pilar's subcutaneous transmitters to allow Henry and Tess to control him. When Tess urges Carter to get on with reaching the device:
Jack: Don't boss me, blondie! Tess: (hits a button on her remote) Jack: (hits himself in the head) What was that for? Tess: Saying "blondie" like it's a bad thing.
Jack walking under Tess' remote control is physical comedy at its finest.
Founder's Day, Jack and Henry are speculating as to how and why a bunch of people from the 21st century ended up in Camp Eureka, 1947.
Jack: Tess was telling me about massive solar flares that were putting out lots of negative energy, ironically just before she dumped me.
Henry: I think she's right.
Jack: Well, that's not very supportive.
Henry: No! About the flares!
Fargo's explanation to Joe about why he's not wearing any clothes.
Fargo: (worst Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation ever) Your clothes, give them to me, now!
In A New World, Dr. Trevor Grant hitchhiked on the main character's time-travel from 1947 back to 2010, and is a little disappointed in the lack of flying cars, robot servants, and so on. Jack figures out that Grant didn't accidentally end up in the future, but did so deliberately, nearly stranding Jack in 1947 in the process. So Jack being Jack, throws Grant in his jail cell, where Grant meets Deputy Andy, the android cop.
Grant: Now this is more like the future I envisioned. Come closer, robot man. Andy: (obligingly steps closer to the cell) Grant: You're incredibly lifelike. Andy: (clearly flattered, makes "aw, shucks" gesture) Grant: I'd love to get a look under your uniform. Andy: (rather uncomfortable now, turning to Jack with a worried tone) Boss?
Despite the seriousness of Tess having just been electrocuted, her delirious ramblings about Jack's hair are funny.
Tess: Don't you love his hair? It's so fluffy. Fluffy. Fluffy's a funny word...fluffy.
All The Rage, Henry and Grant are working on repurposing the Bridge Device for something worthwhile, since it can't be used to correct the timeline anymore. They get it turned on, then anything they touch vaporizes instantly. They spend the whole episode thinking the combination of their time travel plus reactivating the device has done something that's causing them to destroy everything they touch. Turns out, it was all a prank by Grace (Henry's wife in the new timeline) because Henry said he'd use those old tools of his "until they fell apart."
Grace: I'm just getting you back for magnetizing all my pots and pans. That was one of your better ones.
Deputy Andy is getting used to his new face, but is still completely unflappable.
Andy: (sitting in his cruiser, looking in the rearview mirror, pressing his cheeks up his face repeatedly) I'm liking the higher cheekbones! (enunciating very clearly, watching his lips move) Lin-ol-i-um. Al-um-in-um. (gets a call from Jo, asking him to look for crows at the rocket launch site who may be acting, for lack of a better word, drunk) Drunk crows, I'm on it!
Jo catching the E.M.O. robot spying on her in "Momstrosity".
Deputy Andy's attempts at flirting with Jo.
Andy: Has anyone ever told you your PH level's are perfectly balanced?
Stoned, Henry is trying to connect with Grace, who he's suddenly found himself married to in the new timeline. He's come clean with her about the time-travel, and takes her on an absolutely fabulous first date. . . the same first date the Henry from her timeline took her on. Henry realizes that anything he can think of to try and be passionate and romantic and spontaneous the other him probably already did, and talks to Jack about it.
Jack: It's hard to win a girl when you're competing against yourself. Henry: Exactly. So what do you think I should do? Jack Well, um. You could find the person you'd be least likely to go to for advice and ask them. Henry: I thought that's what I was doing. (Beat) Jack: I walked right into that, didn't I? Henry: Mmm-hmm. (both laugh)
This, of course, gives Henry the idea to go to Fargo, and he and Henry rig up a Top Gun/Scream 2 style romantic musical number, the song in question being "She Blinded Me With Science,", Henry singing to her in the middle of the GD Rotunda, and Fargo DJing!
Fargo: It's so romantic!
In I'll Be Seeing You, Jack and Allison finally get together, and the afterglow is interrupted by a 911 text from Fargo. So, they head to his office at GD, trying to cover their Relationship Upgrade.
Fargo: Where have you two been? Allison: (simultaneously with Carter) Working. Carter: (simultaneously with Allison) Sleeping. (Beat) Carter: People work better when having slept. Jo: O-kay.
O' Little Town starts with Jack trying to cheer up some kids upset that they're stuck in Eureka due to snowstorms, cancelling their vacation plans. His first impression leaves a lot to be desired.
Jack: Hey, guys. So, uh, stuck in Eureka for the holidays, huh? I used to try to escape Eureka at Christmas until one year when I got stranded here. (the kids all stare at him blankly) Jack: Yep. It was crazy. (silence) Jack: O-ho-oh-kay, gather round, you can hear all about it! Kid: Do we have to? Jack: (turning and pulling back his coat) Sheriff badge says yes.
Jack's reaction to Vincent's fruitcake. If you ever wondered what a "food-gasm" looks like, wonder no more. And the fact that the fruitcake being created via shrinking technology caused the whole problem.
Taggart pioneering the scientific field of "Santaology." This is the very limit and definition of Mad Science.
Jack: Taggart's Santa. Jo: You just wrecked Christmas with two words.
In Reprise, the Running Gag of Kevin stealing Jack's jeep in order to "help" him.
Fargo's attempts at being intimidating after listening "Eye of the Tiger". Holly appears to be the only one who's actually frightened. And even then, only half the time.
When Jo's first getting used to her new P.A.L.s in "Glimpse" (contacts which predict the future, essentially), Carter points out that nothing is better than a cop's normal gut instinct. He tries to demonstrate while Jo's P.A.L.s identify the funny accident which is about to befall him. She says nothing. So naturally, he gets covered in lamacoid (banana slug) juice... FUN!
Jack: You knew this was going to happen, didn't you? Jo: (nods) Jack: You're a bad person.
Fargo and Holly's interview with Dr. Lee, aka Stan Lee. Or Generalissimo, as he prefers to be called.
Fargo: Don't you think you're just a "titch" too old for space travel?
Up In The Air, Jo playing Drill Sergeant Nasty for the Astraeus candidates, complete with such priceless gems as "toes on the line you worthless bunch of PhDs", "any of you want to go into space. . . on purpose (looking pointedly at Zane, referencing the earlier episode Liftoff)", and, after telling them all to do pushups, to one random scientist "You're a botanist, right? Kiss my grass!"
Jack's reaction when Deputy Andy calls and tells him someone robbed the bank. He's so excited to deal with "real" crime and normal police procedures, then so disappointed when it turns out the bank itself is gone.
From "Of Mites and Men", Jo threatening Dr. Parrish after being stuck in the same room with him... after just several minutes.
Parrish: No doubt the lack of ab crunches and deadlifts disappoints you, number one.
Jo: (throws a Death Glare at Parrish) Don't call me that.
Zane's singing "Car Wash", just to annoy Parrish.
Parrish: Dude, I just got that out of my head!
After a very touching and heartwarming moment between Henry and Grace, who weren't married in the old timeline but are now and have been working things out for half the season, Grace gives Henry back their old wedding ring and asks him to marry her. Henry excitedly announces to all of Cafe Diem that "We are GETTING MARRIED!" Confused silence ensues, since no one present except Carter, Allison, and Fargo has any idea what's been happening with the time travel shenanigans.
Vincent: (clears throat, whispers) Aren't you already married? Jack: They're renewing their vows! (everyone cheers)
The episode "This One Time at Space Camp " has poor little 'relationship auditor' Warren Hughes getting zapped by some tech. Then he starts running around thinking he's Jack. Warren's soon reliving moments of Jack's life as if it were his own.
Vincent even notes when the pair start speaking alike.
Also from that episode.
Mr. Hughes: What were you expecting, the Spanish Inquisition?
Poor little Holly during her interview with the committee can't stop thinking!
The entire 2011 Christmas special.
Jack: I HAVE A HAT?!?
Jack: Did my jeep just yell at me?
Later, The fight with Ninja Snowmen.
Jack: Back off Frosty!
Rapid Art Shifts, including Peanuts, Simpsons, South Park, and Scooby Doo.
Finally: the Anime fight at the end. Easily the most Crazy Awesome moment in the show.
In the Season 4 finale "One Giant Leap" Jack has recently discovered how to work the phone that has always been in his PDA that he never knew about. The disaster of the week starts to combine into a Eureka-consuming Black Hole and everyone is running for their lives. What's Carter doing? Taking pictures the whole way. Fridge logic later on when he's reviewing the images and it takes a minute of scrolling to find the one he needs.
Taggart and Dr. Plotkin's rivalry.
Taggart: (about Dr. Plotkin's energy rod) Eyesore, good riddance!
Plotkin: You know what an eyesore is? That "tank" you call a truck!
Jo: Ignore him Taggert, your truck is special.
"Lost", the fact that Fargo was able to sleep through the Astreaus nearly crashing into a mountain.
Fargo: (yawns) Hey. Are we there yet?
Fargo then rushing to be the first on "Titan", even planting an American flag.
Fargo: Gangway! (plants flag into the ground) First!