Fanfic / The Hound And The Blacksmith

They fight crime.

The Hound and the Blacksmith is a Fate/stay night fic written by Elf, the Mistress of Porn. It stars Archer, Lancer, and Ayako as they live their lives after the 5th Holy Grail War. It follows Archer's romantic problems, Lancer's courtship of Ayako, and the eventual partnership between Archer and Lancer.

The Hound and the Blacksmith can be found on Beast's Lair and Fanfiction.net.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• Almighty Janitor: Lancer, Cu Chulainn, the Hound of Ulster, Ireland's Son of Light, works at a supermarket. To an extent, Archer fits this as Tohsaka's "creepy butler."

• Big Damn Heroes: Sakura saves Ayako when she is being attacked by Dead!Shinji.
• Boisterous Bruiser: Lancer's solution to an enemy his lance thrusts backfired on is to hit it harder.
• Boy Meets Girl: Or rather, "Girl meets resurrected Celtic demigod."
• Buddy Cop Show: The premise of the story. Elf even admits that the story was inspired by '80s buddy cop films like Lethal Weapon.
• Can't Hold His Liquor: Which is how Archer manages to wind up joining Gilgamesh in singing Bohemian Rhapsody (quite terribly off-key) in the back of a limo.
• Cannot Spit It Out: Averted. Archer manages to tell Rin he wants to go with her when it's already too late.
• Chekhov's Gag: Gilgamesh once jokes that, since everything is made pure again when it's reborn, Archer is technically a virgin. Guess what the vampires are looking for.
• Cunning Like a Fox: Ayako all the way. Outsmarts an enemy that had Lancer on the ropes.

• Depraved Bisexual: "Flirting" for Gilgamesh involves very ethically dubious activities.
  Gilgamesh was going to approach Rin to work for him. Rin, unknowing who he was exactly, was going to take the offer. Archer cut her off and it ended in combat. Or rather, bound in divine chains with Gilgamesh laughing in his ear as something poked him that he really didn't want to think about.
• Didn't Think This Through: Lancer didn't think too hard about leaving Archer alone in the Matou mansion in the same room as a dangerous vampire in chapter 18. He gets called out on this.
• Dirty Old Man: Archer. And Gilgamesh for that matter.
• Double Entendre: Lancer's full of them.
  Lancer: Go on, pretty vixen. Take a lick at me.
  Ayako: Okay, that just sounded wrong.
  Lancer: You were the one who twisted my words, Ayako. Now if you want to take a lick at me I'd be more than happy to return the favor.
  Ayako: God you're really perverted, you know that?
  Lancer: I come by it honestly, but if it'll make you feel more at ease go ahead and give me a good hard blow.
  Ayako: Ack! God you're still doing it.
  Lancer: Give me a good beating?
  Ayako: No!

  Lancer: I'll believe anything you tell me, but out in the open's not the place to go baring yourself.
  Ayako: You're doing it again, Lancer!
• Droit du Seigneur: Gilgamesh feels a king is entitled to the pure and the new, and it also means a virgin's first night. Archer very much declines the honour.
• Even the Guys Want Him: Gilgamesh is GAR for Archer and not particularly subtle about it.
• Fiction500: Gilgamesh has his own company. It is obscenely lucrative. Such is the power of the Golden Rule.
• Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: Zelretch bails Rin out with the Association. But the other vampires in the story....not so much.
• Freudian Trio: Lancer is the Id, Ayako is the Ego, Archer is the Superego.
• Friendly Enemy: Archer gets along with Gilgamesh and Lancer pretty well.
• Happily Ever After: Referenced by Ayako with regards to Lancer.
• Genre Savvy: Ayako. Sometimes. See Tempting Fate.
  Ayako wasn't seeing Happily Ever After in their future, but she was seeing Happily Now.
• "Get Out of Jail Free" Card: Gilgamesh has one for Archer. Archer is less than pleased.
• Groin Attack: Ayako manages to get one over on Ethan by punching herself in the groin.
• Have We Met?: Ayako finds Archer's mannerisms weirdly familiar.
• Headbutting Heroes: Archer and Shirou, as discussed between Archer and Ayako. Shirou's more or less given up on being a hero, though.
• Heroes Gone Fishing/Villains Out Shopping: Gilgamesh manages to get Archer sufficiently drunk to sing along to "Bohemian Rhapsody" with him. He then demands that someone hunt down this Freddie Mercury fellow so that he can sing for him personally at all times, only to discover to his annoyance that the singer in question is too dead to do that.
• Homoerotic Subtext: Between Archer and Gilgamesh. It is hilarious.
• Honesty Is the Best Policy: Lancer comes clean with Ayako shockingly quickly in the story.
• Hot-Blooded: In Lancer's words, battle boils in his blood.
• I Call Him "Mister Happy": "You did not just refer to your genitalia as 'my boys.'"
• If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: Just about everyone has given Lancer this speech regarding his relationship with Ayako.
• I Love You Because I Can't Control You: Apparently, this is the reason why Archer is Gilgamesh's 'favorite subject'. Archer is...not that thrilled at this revelation.
  Archer: That's rather fucked up.
• Intergenerational Friendship: Archer and Lancer, after a fashion. They both come from two different time periods. They're not friends yet, but the premise of the story all but guarantees they will be.
• Kiss of the Vampire: Rider to Ayako. Ayako does not look back on it fondly.
• Knight in Sour Armor: Archer, as per canon.
• Ladykiller in Love: Lancer's biggest hurdle in his relationship with Ayako is proving that he's really not just a hopeless pervert trying to get in her pants. This is not helped by the fact that his quite various sexual exploits (most damningly, the ones he had while married) are conveniently available on Wikipedia for anyone's reading pleasure.
  Next person who says, "I know what kind of person you are, I've read your story," to me is going to get my fist in their face.

• Lightning Bruiser: Lancer is fast, strong, and smart. He also has rune magic as a back-up.
• Naïve Newcomer: Ayako is introduced to the world of Magi—at least, as much as Lancer knows of it.
• No-Sell: Lancer is pretty much immune to Eloise's "want" power, much to her consternation.
• Noble Demon: Eloise somewhat, when compared to her companions anyway. She certainly doesn't have to target murderers, rapists and molesters to survive.

• Our Vampires Are Different: They have superpowers that can take out cocky Heroic Spirits.
• Parenthetical Swearing: "I've read your story" is everyone's way of calling Lancer a man-whore.
• Precision F-Strike: It's made by Sakura, of all people.
• Rape as Drama: There are elements of this between Rider and Ayako. Lancer is more than ready to kill Rider over it.
• Really Gets Around: Lancer, being Cu Chulainn and all, has a very colorful sexual history that anybody with access to the Internet could find. "I've read your story" quickly becomes shorthand for "I know you are incapable of keeping it in your pants."
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Archer is the Blue Oni and Lancer is the Red. Inverted by their battle attire.
• Shout-Out: Apparently Seto and Mokuba work for Fujimura.
• Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Archer's the sensitive guy and Lancer's the manly man.
• Supernaturally Delicious and Nutritious: Rider takes a rather unsettling liking towards Ayako for this reason.
• Superpower Lottery: Ethan's power is pretty good. Elouise refers to the trope by name
• Tempting Fate: Ayako.
  Not like I'm going to get attacked by another vampire or anything.
• The Nose Knows: Lancer's got it.
• Too Dumb to Live: Sêhinji propositions a vampire for sexual favors in return for shelter. She starts giving a blowjob and uses her teeth.
• Tsundere: Rin is the obvious one. Archer is much less so. Doesn't stop Sakura from calling him on it.
• Unresolved Sexual Tension: Archer and Rin, because Archer confessed far too late.

• Virgin Power: The blood of virgins is useful to vampires for keeping their bodies from degenerating. This is why they're so interested in Ayako and Archer.

• When All You Have Is a Hammer…: Subverted, as Lancer's solution of "stab him even harder" just makes things worse for himself.
• Wine Is Classy: Gilgamesh loves his booze and is willing to share! Even if Archer can't hold his own worth a damn.
• Wunza Plot: "One's a Celtic demi-god with a lust for battle and the ladies, the other is a former Counter Guardian whose body is made of swords. Together they fight the forces of evil. Or something."
• Yakuza: Archer works for it.
• Yaoi Fangirl: When Gilgamesh bound Archer in chains and bent him over the table, Rin apparently had such a telling look that her Servant feared for his virtue.
• You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You: What Ayako tells Lancer when he asks about Rider attacking her at night and drinking her blood. Not only does Lancer believe her, he then proceeds to systematically destroy the entire Masquerade for her.

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