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Henry Stickmin Series - Character (Mr. Macbeth)

• BFG: He owns a futuristic rifle that can shoot an array of bullets, a accurate thin laser or a giant laser blast.
• Energy Weapon: His gun can shoot lasers of different sizes.

Animator Vs Animation - Characters (Victim)

• Identical Stranger: He have the exact same appearence of the Chosen One but they are different persons with different powers.

Joueur du Grenier

• Art-Style Dissonance: Antoine Daniel's PSA about the four magical gems looks straight out of a children cartoon and depicts the gems as a group of friends, the red gems introduce himself and the other gems and explain that collecting them all allow them grant any wish, including destroying the universe, then the gems are shown dancing in circle and singing about how they will destroy the universe while keeping their cute voices.
• Bait-and-Switch: The description of the Instruments of Chaos Starring Young Indiana Jones review says that "this video may contain a cameo". At the end of the video, Fred's ancestor, Archibald Von Grenier admits that he's not actually Fred's ancestor and asks him to pay attention on the initials of "Archibald Von Grenier" (with a little emphasis on Grenier's letter N), Fred then lists the letters A, V, G and N and exclaims "Wait, you are..." only for Archibald to reveal himself as an alien named "Alpha V de Gelganech" who is not related to the Angry Video Game Nerd in any ways. Fred is then stuck with a dumbfounded expression for the rest of the video.

Madness Combat - Trivia

• Fan Nickname: The art-style of the new character sprites introduced in DedmosRebuilt is nicknamed the "Dissenter style" by fans, even though Dissenter is the second episode to use these new sprites.

From page 343 @Strafe 2409

On the one hand <- no comma her character is enjoyable to play... However, when it comes to...In the second act of Chapter 15 <- no comma in particular, Kiana questions her why she is still working with Schicksal, despite her boss Otto being responsible for the mess that happened in Chapter 8 and 9. Only for Durandal then counter-questions her...For this moment alone...despite knowing that Otto is responsible for Kiana's awakening as the Herrscher of the Void, or is she deliberately dodging the point entirely and suppressing the truth behind the Honkai Eruption by stating the Schicksal's strengths but nothing of its darker aspects?note In the Chapter 9...It doesn't help in this matter that Otto has groomed her...the consensus from the fanbase and the player base alike agree that Durandal is a powerful but incredibly naive and hypocrite...as well as a person who never feels what it's like to lose someone she loves and cares about, <- comma with even some of them...

^ Changed verbs from past to present tense as per How to Write an Example - Write in Historical Present Tense.

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Kazuya Prota a couple of pages ago:

^ This is a huge Wall of Text paragraph. Is it really necessary to include all of this information?

How to Write an Example - Avoid Detail Bloat says:

Likewise, How to Write an Example - Keep it Brief says:

When you find yourself writing giant paragraphs like this, you should always go through and try to remove all unnecessary information.

Also, several of your sentences are very long because they've been filled with too much information. Please try writing shorter sentences.

Edited by Arivne on Nov 30th 2020 at 11:35:21 AM

From page 343 @benzboagr

...Both have mastered the art of spin, <- comma except Barwick <- no comma fully believes his own lies.

...The epilogue shows Foster stuck back in his constituency over septic tanks, and Miller stuck in a conference with Barwick over what should be approved on the soldiers' DVD roster.

Sorry about the Hobeymoon in Vegas gaffe. I should have caught that but the correct way somehow sounded wrong when I said it out loud. This next post I should slightly longer than my most last several. I'm trying to get stuff for the same page checked and ready to post at the same time unless it's too much (like it would have been with the fourth Kingdom of Heaven character from my last post.

@ Kingdom of Heaven

Next up is is stuff for the new season of Fargo, Justice Society of America, and more.

Edited by Melinda on Dec 1st 2020 at 1:13:56 AM

Twisted Wonderland Characters

• Disappeared Dad: Riddle rarely mentions his father since he never part of his early childhood and he only talks about his mother. It implies it's from Parental Neglect due to his work as a healer or Riddle has very restrain relationship with his father than his mother.
• Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": With the exception of the Queen of Hearts, the rest of the the Great Seven are never address by their real names and only by their titles.
  • Scar refers as "The King of Beasts".
  • Ursula refers as "The Sea Witch".
  • Jafar refers as "The Sorcerer of the Sand".
  • The Evil Queen refers as "The Beautiful Queen".
  • Hades refers as "The King of the Underworld".
  • Maleficent refers as "The Witch of Thorns".

Tales of Crestoria Characters

• Combination Attack: Assid and Forte shared the same Mystic Artes, "Xenomalenifica", which them to attack a single enemy together with Forte attack first and Assid delivers the final blow with his magic.

Edited by Stardust120 on Nov 30th 2020 at 6:59:54 AM

So, erm, just made a page for Operation Delta Force, would anyone like to try and refine the synopsis portion?

After I'm done with the page, I decide to re-read the paragraph, and somehow the synopsis doesn't read as smoothly as I thought it would

Edited by RobertTYL on Nov 30th 2020 at 10:53:22 PM

For Artstyle Dissonance:

• Avenging Spirit has a colorful theme and an adorable ghost protagonist and cartoonish enemies but the story is pretty dark to begin with, as the hero of the game is resurrected as a ghost by his girlfriend's father after being killed by evil syndicate organization members who kidnap his girlfriend.

Edited by Minorica on Dec 2nd 2020 at 7:39:44 PM

2

Here's what I'd do differently for your synopsis. Nice job with the rest of the page by the way, at least in terms of context and story.

Major Tipton (Ernie), a former Delta Force leader who had resigned in disgrace after inadvertently causing the deaths of his entire team, now works as a medic and consultant for the UN's Biochemicals Research Division. During a routine inspection in a South African UN Research Facility, terrorists led by Colonel Johann Nash (Joe Lara) hijack the facility's latest project, a strain of highly contagious Ebola virus and the sole sample of it's antidote, and kill everyone but Tipton. A team of Delta Force specialists are sent to stop the terrorist legion, but as luck would have it, their leader turns out to be Captain Skip Lang (Jeff),the grudge-holding brother of one of Tipton's dead teammates.

x 5 @Melinda

Token Enemy M Inority -> Token Enemy Minority

Firuz is a Saracen, <- comma but is fighting alongside European crusaders.

He later journeys to Jerusalem to participate in defending the Holy Land.

x 5 @Stardust 120

Riddle rarely mentions his father (since he was never part of his early childhood) and he only talks about his mother. This implies it's either from Parental Neglect due to his work as a healer or he has a more strained relationship with his father than his mother.

With the exception of the Queen of Hearts, the rest of the the Great Seven are never addressed by their real names, <- comma and only by their titles.

List of names and titles: I would change all of these to the format <name>: <title>, e.g. Scar: "The King of Beasts".

Assid and Forte share the same Mystic Artes, "Xenomalenifica". <- period It allows them to attack a single enemy together, <- comma with Forte attacking first and Assid delivering the final blow with his magic.

^ Changed verbs from past to present tense as per How to Write an Example - Write in Historical Present Tense.

Edited by Arivne on Dec 1st 2020 at 8:46:55 AM

x 4 @Minorica

Avenging Spirit has a colorful theme, <- comma and has an adorable ghost protagonist and cartoonish enemies. <- period However, the story is pretty dark to begin with, as the hero of the game is resurrected as a ghost by his girlfriend's father after being killed by evil syndicate organization members who kidnap his girlfriend.

Edit: I realized that the first half of the sentence is a list, so changed it to that form by adding a comma. Also split it up into two sentences because it was so long.

Edited by Arivne on Dec 2nd 2020 at 9:35:43 AM

Thanks. I actually did have Holy Land capitalized at first, but then I uncapitalized it on a round of editing because of something I red out of context on a google search about whether or not to capitalize Holy Land.

Here's my next eight posts. I was going to just do seven, but changed my mind due to how short most of them are. I was planning to post more Justice Society of America stuff, but then realized not all of my examples were accurate ones. The Fun Jungle example is for the list and synopsis of books in the series at the top of the page.

@ Justice Society of America: Villains

• Would Hurt a Child: Captain Nazi and his teammates remorselessly kill women and children first whenever they attack the families of patriotic-themed superheroes.

@ Fargo: Season Four

• He's Just Hiding: Not everyone is willing to write off Rabbi after he gets sucked into a tornado funnel.

@ Whodunit Mysteries

• Dartboard of Hate: The mayor allegedly throws knives at a picture of his political rival.

@ Alpha and Omega

• Wide-Eyed Idealist: Barb Taylor, an American volunteer for Eric's dig, is excited and optimistic about their work's religious impact while remaining unworried about the ensuring conflict.

@ Don't Make Me Destroy You

• A variant is used in the short story "A Family Resemblance" from The Associates of Sherlock Holmes. Mycroft Holmes deduces that Professor Moriarty's brother has turned to crime and offers him a chance at redemption, along with a warning.
  Mycroft: A shame I never got to meet your brother, and it might be a bigger shame still if you were to have to meet mine.

@ Nice Mean And In Between

• Wicked Spring: Harrison is a kind-hearted man who longs to return to his fiancee and befriends the Union soldiers. Hogg is a Jerkass and Blood Knight who is even willing to threaten his comrades. After Stand keeps to himself, but considers Harrison's proposal to release their prisoners.

@ Fun Jungle 7. Bear Bottom. Teddy’s family and several other FunJungle employees visit a ranch outside of Yellowstone National Park and find an adventure involving disappearing bison, a rambunctious grizzly bear, and a disappearing necklace.

@ Son of Interflux

• Sore Loser: Querada does not take it well when anyone beats him or his students in a painting contest.
  Querada: To this very day I curse the names of those who won in my place, especially those who are still alive.

Edited by Melinda on Dec 2nd 2020 at 9:55:42 AM

Moriarty the Patriot

• Creepy Souvenir: Moires Baskerville collects the heads of the children he murders and keeps them in a special room on shelves so that he can admire his handiwork.
• Serial Killer:
  • Duke Enoch J. Drebber is a prolific killer and rapist of women who uses his position to get away with his crimes.
  • Moires Baskerville charms children into following him before he hunts them using his dogs and kills them.
• Serial Rapist: Flashbacks show that Duke Enoch J. Drebber was a prolific rapist of women. Having them kidnapped and then tortured and raped before killing them afterwards.
• Would Hurt a Child: Moires Baskerville and his minions capture children and then remove a vital organ or limb to disable them. They then hunt them with vicious dogs before catching and killing them in grotesque ways.

For Character Outlives Actor:

• The Idolmaster: After Kan Tokumaru (the voice actor of 765 Production president Junichirou Takagi) passed away, the later game reveals that Junichirou resigns, becomes a chairman instead and goes for a long vacation in Hawaii, and the position of president is filled by his cousin Junjirou Takagi.

Edited by Minorica on Dec 2nd 2020 at 9:42:06 PM

@Melinda

Not everyone is willing to write off Rabbi after he gets sucked into a tornado funnel.

A variant is used in the short story "A Family Resemblance" from The Associates of Sherlock Holmes.

^ According to How to Write an Example - Italicize "Long" Work Names, short works (such as short stories) should be inside quotes, not in italics.

AfterStand keeps to himself, <- comma but considers Harrison's proposal to release their prisoners.

Bear Bottom.

^ As the title of a book (a long work), this should be in italics.

Edited by Arivne on Dec 3rd 2020 at 4:34:51 AM

@miraculous

Flashbacks show that Duke Enoch J. Drebber was a prolific rapist of women, <- comma having them kidnapped, <- comma and then tortured and raped before killing them afterwards.

^ This sentence has a list, so I changed that part of it to make it work.

^ This was actually one sentence which was incorrectly split into two parts. You can tell that because the second sentence was a sentence fragment - it doesn't make any sense by itself.

@Minorica

After Kan Tokumaru (the voice actor of 765 Production president Junichirou Takagi) passed away, the...

^ I deleted the commas and put the parenthetical phrase inside parentheses because, as written, the comma after "Takagi" made the sentence awkward.

...and the position of president is filled by his cousin Junjirou Takagi.

You could also say "...and he is replaced as president by his cousin Junjirou Takagi."

You can fill a position and you can replace a person, but you can't replace a position (at least in the way you meant).

Edited by Arivne on Dec 2nd 2020 at 10:02:44 AM

@ Noble Confederate Soldier

• The majority of heroes in William Johnstone's western novels are former confederate soldiers who believe in racial equality but have no guilt about fighting for the South. To a man, they believe that the war was about states' rights instead of slavery and rarely hesitate to say so in an unsubtle Author Filibuster monologue.

@ Hogan's Heroes

• The final scene has some Fridge Horror when General Burkhalter's house is blown up. What if Burkhalter's wife was inside at the time, and Burkhalter blames Klink for launching the (sabotaged) rocket?

@ The Punisher MAX Alternate Character Interpretation

• Mafia capo Big Jackie displays hatred and disgust for Nicky Cavella in the first arc. However, a flashback has him claiming to support Nicky's Ax-Crazy strategies and telling Nicky to look up Jackie's cousin for work once he goes to Boston. Was Big Jackie always disgusted by Nicky and merely hiding it in the flashback to make Nicky more compliant, or did he turn against Nicky later due to Nicky falling out with Jackie's cousin (or perhaps even killing him)?

@ Furniture Blockade

• In Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, Bud and Lou try to push a dresser against a door to keep out several pursuers. The door opens the other way, and when the villains open it, Bud and Lou push the dresser right out of the room and into the midst of their enemies.

@ Hogan's Heroes

MY BROTHER, MY TRAITOR by ColHogan

• Recommended by Melinda
• Status: Complete
• Synopsis: Three new prisoners arrive at the camp with very different, yet equally dangerous, secrets, while Hogan adapts to a wheelchair after a paralyzing tunnel accident.
• Comments: This story is the third in a series about Hogan in a wheelchair but isn't impossible to enjoy as a standalone tale. Approximately eight years after first reading that series, this story is still stuck in my head while I couldn't remember a thing about any of the other installments.

@ Superman III

• While Lorelei doesn't get a Heel–Face Turn, there are several scenes in the final act where she's rooting for Superman not to die and gets upset when it looks like he is doomed.

Edited by Melinda on Dec 2nd 2020 at 4:25:31 AM

Thanks Arvine. Made the change

Mary Marvel

• Light Is Good: Her second costume Post-Crisis was a white minidress with the yellow lightning bolt on the front.

1 Mary's second Post-Crisis costume is a white minidress with a yellow lightning bolt on the front.

Blood of Zeus

• Apollo
  • Light Is Good: Is the god of the sun, and is one of the sympathetic gods, relating to Heron as an illegitamet son of Zeus.

"William Johnstone's western novels" Of course, it's fine to say "I read a Stephen King novel". But in this case, with the genre mentioned too, it's better to use the genitive.

"Burkhalter blames Klink"

"this story is still stuck in my head"

Thanks.

@ Cocoon

• Art giving away his money to people outside the bank after deciding to go to space.
• Joe finding out his cancer is in remission.

• When Beetee asks how Cashmere found out about the arena plot, she gives a Badass Boast about her network of contacts, then admits that it was just because she had a one-night stand with Connor and he took a phone call to discuss the plot without checking to see if Cashmere had left his apartment yet the next morning.

• Dark Jedi apprentice Tavion Axmis from the Dark Forces Saga is pretty popular, both for Evil Is Sexy reasons and because she Grew a Spine between the second and third games.

• Affably Evil: King Leo is a usurper who is willing to kill anyone who crosses him, but he's also fairly jovial and is amused by Jamal's antics for the most part.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Princess Regina isn't seen during or after the final battle against her father.

• In Five-Minute Mini-Mysteries by Stan Smith, one story involves the will of a dead tycoon who planned to leave his fortune to charity. A fake will turns up which divides his money between three relatives (presumably the forger included the other two to avoid standing out as the obvious culprit). The protagonists deduce the culprit due to the order of the numbers in the fake will's date suggesting an American civilian wrote it. Of the other suspects, one is British and the other is a soldier.

P.S. A question about future posts. I've been told by a mod that I'll be banned again if I copy and past anything written by another trope that contains spelling errors from the works page to the main page for that trope or vice versa. Would it be improper to post that stuff for review on here? It would be nice if it is, but since this thread is more dedicated to helping us with our own spelling and grammar problems, I understand if that's a no-go.

Edited by Melinda on Dec 3rd 2020 at 6:28:28 AM

Thanks, Arivne.