The song "You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)" (available on Past Masters and The Beatles Anthology). It's like a comedic version of "Revolution 9", but as a John and Paul collaboration. Includes Paul as "Dennis O'Dell."
When John introduced "Help!" at a live show in the ABC Theater (Available on Anthology 2), the crowd got a little too loud, so...
Crowd: JOHN!!! John: Next song we'd like to sing... Crowd: (continues screaming) John: Shut up, I'll kill you. note Some people claim that it's actually "Shut Up, I hear you". Still funny, though.
All the crazy ways the Beatles counted off songs:
"One, two, three, FAH!"
"One, two, three, BREAD."
"One, two, three, FAWWEH!"
"One, two, three, HAWW!!"
"Sugar plum fairy, sugar plum fairy..."
In the The Beatles Anthology outtake of "I'm Down", Paul criticizes his performance as "plastic soul". And it wasn't half bad. Allegedly, it was what Paul heard black musicians call Mick Jagger's early British blues style at the time. The phrase reportedly led to the band calling their next studio album Rubber Soul.
"Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" from The White Album, arguably the dirtiest and simultaneously funniest thing Paul ever did during his time with the Beatles.
For "Oh! Darling" from Abbey Road, Paul went into the recording studio before the other Beatles would show up for days on end to try and nail the raw vocal performance he wanted in one take. And to have fun with the tape delay, judging by this outtake. Oh, the delirium of it all!
The Beatles were often known to have fun with delays (and other effects) in the studio, one result of which was the ending of "Lovely Rita".
The outtakes from "No Reply" on the The Beatles Anthology collection. Basically they keep singing "YOUR FACE!" over and over again instead of replacing it with a different lyric each time, resulting in some hilarious combinations.
Also an outtake from "I'll Be Back." After Lennon finds he can't sing in the current key, he continues singing like he's completely drunk.
And another from "And Your Bird Can Sing." Paul starts giggling, and then he sets off John. Neither of them can stop for the entire song.
The "Polythene Pam" outtakes from Abbey Road have John and George devolving into gibberish.
A Rocky Raccoon outtake is hilarious for a number of reasons, chief among them the fact that Paul accidentally says 'sminking'.
The "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" outtake
John: "Paul's broken a glass, broken a glass, Paul's broken a glass, a glass, a glass he's broke today"
An outtake of "This Boy" has the band corpsing when they sing "thas boy" by accident.
"I Should Have Known Better"
John: "George, what did it sound like with the bass doing a funny thing? Did it sound any good or did it sound just a lovely crap?"
"Only a Northern Song", if you listen to the lyrics.
"If you're listening to this song, you may think that the chords are going wrong, but they're not, we just wrote it like that"
Even funnier in the Anthology version
"If you're listening to this song, you may think the chords are going wrong, but they're not, I just wrote it like that. If you listen late at night, you may think the words are not quite right, but they are, I just wrote them myself."
"Drive My Car" from Rubber Soul, especially the climax:
"I got no car, and it's breaking my heart But I found a driver, and that's a start"
Many people ask what are Beatles? Why Beatles? Ugh, Beatles, how did the name arrive? So we will tell you. It came in a vision—a man appeared in a flaming pie and said unto them "From this day on you are Beatles with an A." "Thank you, Mister Man," they said, thanking him."
The band's annual Christmas fan club records were this, when not being downright surreal.
The skit in which all four Beatles perform the "Pyramus and Thisbe" scene from A Midsummer Night's Dream (available on YouTubehere). It's one of the funniest scenes in all of theater anyway, but when the Beatles get their hands on it, well.
Made funnier by the two hecklers in the audience and the boys' interactions with them.
"Hey Bulldog". It's so demented it probably inspired The Residents.
On Help!!, the track immediately after "[I have got] Another Girl" is "You're Gonna Lose That Girl". The song titles are also heard immediately after another. There is absolutely no way this wasn't intentional!
"What's the New Mary Jane" from The Beatles Anthology is this (when it isn't being Nightmare Fuel-ish) thanks to some fun Spoonerisms and such. The laid-back, uber-hippietastic "Let's-do-this-in-one-take" fake children's song vibe also helps.
"She like to be married with yeti he grooving such cookie spaghetti She jumping as Mexican bean to make that her body more thin"
The many times they took advantage of deafening crowd reactions by doing stuff like using Nazi slogans, or John acting like a "spastic" (his words) just for a laugh. And nobody ever noticed... because, seriously, how would they be able to?
The Rooftop Concert for the Let It Be production: a brief moment at the darkest hour as the band was breaking apart, they head upstairs and put on a performance where they're actually enjoying themselves and cracking jokes between takes.
When the police show up to warn them off the roof, the band goes into one more cut of "Get Back", only this time Paul ad-libs the "Get back, Loretta" to say she's going to get arrested for "playing on the roofs too long."
At one point during the Let It Be documentary, Ringo is relaxing after a take when Paul's stepdaughter, Heather, taps on one of the cymbals, spooking him.
When the Beatles (minus Ringo, who hadn't joined yet) first auditioned for George Martin, he and two other Parlophone Records producers felt they weren't good enough. The other two producers were blunt about it. Martin, trying to be nice, asked the boys, "Is there anything you don't like?", meaning the recording session. George quipped, "Well, I don't like your tie." Martin cracked up. Encouraged, the Beatles just started riffing off each other for several minutes straight: they got the three producers laughing so hard they were in tears. And that, boys and girls, is how the Beatles got their first record deal.
Ringo's ad-lib before the solo on "If You've Got Trouble", sardonically commenting on his bandmates' rather lackluster performance: "aw, rock on, ANYBODY!"
Judging from the surviving recording, they were in a very good mood for what ended up being their final concert at Candlestick Park in 1966, making all kinds of silly comments in the song introductions:
John: This one's about the naughty lady, called "Day Tripper". George: We'd like to carry on with something that's very old indeed. And this one was recorded about 1959 and it's called "I Feel Fine"note It was actually more like 18 months old. Paul: We'd like to do the next number now, which is a special request for all the wonderful backroom boys on this tour and the song is called "I Wanna Be Your Man".
A quote attributed to Lennon after being asked if Ringo was the best drummer in the world: "He isn't even the best drummer in The Beatles".
It should be noted that Lennon never stated this (and indeed felt quite the opposite as he frequently went out of his way to praise Starr's drumming). The quote was made up by a British comedian in 1983... Over two and a half years AFTER Lennon was murdered.
Reporter: In Detroit, Michigan, there handing out car stickers saying, "Stamp Out The Beatles."
Paul: Yeah well... first of all, we're bringing out a Stamp Out Detroit campaign.
This priceless exchange from the boys' 1964 meeting with Cassius Clay (the future Muhammad Ali):
Cassius: Youre not as dumb as you look!
John: No, but you are!
Saturday Night Live - in a nice bit of Self-Deprecating Humor, when Ringo hosted the show it opened at a Sotheby's Beatle auction where guitar picks were going for tens of thousands of dollars - then Ringo himself came up for auction, and nobody would even match the opening bid. Later we see a family had picked him up for $800, where he spends all his time watching reruns of The Jeffersons and popping sheets of plastic bubble wrap.
"Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she doesn't have a lot to say..."
John: Hello, Australia! This is John Lennon of the Beatles here, and we hope you're all having a great time over there... Paul: This is Paul speaking. We're hoping to come over soon and visit Australia... George: This is George. That's if you move it a few thousand miles nearer... Ringo: [Beat] Hello. (Everyone proceeds to burst into uncontrollable laughter)
Paul on "cranberry sauce" being heard by conspiracists as "I buried Paul":
That's John's humour. John would say something totally out of sync, like cranberry sauce. If you don't realize that John's apt to say cranberry sauce when he feels like it, then you start to hear a funny little word there, and you think, "Aha!"
As much of a Tearjerker as Yesterday is, it becomes hilarious when you find out Paul was desperate to hold on to the melody after it came to him in a dream, so he hastily scribbled out some lyrics about scrambled eggs that filled the meter.