The Beatles / WMG - TV Tropes

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The Breakup

"Come Together" broke up The Beatles.

Apparently, the other Beatles didn't like their portrayals (George as a slow flattop with gooey eyeballs ("Here comes old flattop. He come grooving up slowly. He got joo-joo eyeballs."), Ringo as a Coca-Cola-shooting monkey (how else would he have the monkey finger?), and Paul as an ignorant, invisible person with bad math skills (he got the early warning, muddy water, is so hard to see, and can add one, one, and one), and they started to get mad at John. In protest, he left.

Yoko did not break up The Beatles.

Paul McCartney broke up the Beatles and has been funding a massive media smear campaign against her to divert attention away from him ever since.

Partially confirmed. Ever hear the Let It Be recording secessions?
To cover up that all the others died in a plane crash!
But he doesn't know he's funding it. His corporation is acting on its own.
- Heather Mills's demonisation by the media seems to support this theory. Unless she is that evil and retroactively broke up the Beatles!
  - Heather Mills is an evil Time Lord?!
  - This explains everything!
Considering how the other bandmembers felt about McCartney forcing them to record "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" for weeks on end, this might have a bit of truth to it.
- It was enough of a Berserk Button for George Harrison that he was STILL talking about how much he hated that song on the Anthology, which was filmed in the mid '90s.
The Anthology book confirms in Broad Strokes that Yoko was not the cause of the breakup. It firmly denies the details of the theory, but Paul did have to approve the contents of the work. So did Yoko, and so the smear campaign didn't make it in.
Howard Stern asked him point blank, "Who broke up the Beatles?" Paul's response: "John did".

The existence of Heather Mills broke up The Beatles.

Heather Mills was born in 1968. Things started going sour among The Beatles during the White Album recording sessions in 1968. Clearly, Paul McCartney's match made in purgatory has been disrupting his life since birth.

Cirno broke up The Beatles.

And she did it just to spite John for writing Revolution #9. Then she went on to kill him later (see below).

As stated on thebeatlesneverbrokeup.com, there is an alternate universe where The Beatles never broke up — but what the author of the website brought back with him was a sequel to that universe's equivalent of LOVE.

In that universe, The Beatles never broke up, but they still wrote many of the songs we know from solo albums, which were released as Beatles songs instead. They also had put out a remix album similar to LOVE, but with much more radical changes to the music. Then they put out a sequel focusing on the later material.

This explains why the posted album, Everyday Chemistry, sounds remarkably like a bunch of mashups of John Lennon, George Harrison, Paul McCartney, and Ringo Starr solo songs.

Phil Spector broke up the Beatles.

This is generally considered one of the more canonical variants on this theory, although whether Spector actually broke up the Beatles or served as a catalyst for the breakup is still debatable. Perhaps the final nail in the coffin for the group was when he remixed "The Long and Winding Road" for Let It Be, a fact that so infuriated Paul McCartney that he released McCartney as his way of saying that the Beatles were no more.

Brian Epstein's death broke up the Beatles.

Epstein's death left the Beatles without any manager, thereby leading to the chaos that ultimately ensued during the recordings of The White Album, Let It Be and Abbey Road.

The Beatles never broke up, but have not collaborated as a whole since 1969.

In a lot of cases, each of them collaborated more or less with one another, but the dispute between John Lennon and Paul McCartney essentially prevented the "four guys," as John stated in a Rolling Stone interview, from ever being together again as the Beatles.

Song and Album Theories (including solo songs)

Revolver has the personalities of The Who's Quadrophenia inverted.

Roger Daltrey is a hot-headed, extroverted socialist, and George Harrison sings "Taxman" (where he complains about taxes), "Love You To" (he's extremely calm in that song), and "I Want To Tell You" (in which he's incredibly shy). Keith Moon is not satisfied with his job, while Ringo certainly is. Both are hard-working, though. John Lennon is definitively in an ever-changing state, while John Entwistle constantly tries to affirm an identity. Paul McCartney sings about love in a more superficial way than Pete Townshend, really.

"Yesterday" and "She Loves You" are about the same relationship.

"I said something wrong," the man said something he shouldn't have and the woman was so upset he assumed the relationship was over. A few days later, however, she's calmed down and realized it's an accident, so she either runs into his best friend or seeks him out and tells him to tell her boyfriend she still loves him. "She said you hurt her so/she almost lost her mind/but now she said she knows/you're not the hurting kind." The friend can see that's she's still a little hurt and encourages the boyfriend to apologize to her.

In addition, "No Reply" could be considered a prequel to the above songs; the boyfriend believes he caught his woman cheating and calls her out on it, unaware that the other man was his friend, and there were no romantic feelings involved. Infuriated, she throws him out of her house, but a few days later she realizes that he was probably just misinformed, leading to the above happening.

"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" is one story... sort of.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is headlining a concert. For their opening number, they introduce their band ("Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band") and their frontman, Billy Shears, who sings them "With A Little Help From My Friends." He then goes on to begin to tell the story of Lucy, a girl who ran away from home. He introduces Lucy with "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," a song with lots of emphasis on transportation — "a boat on a river," "newspaper taxis," "a train in a station" — alluding to her departure. Billy then gives his own personal insight on Lucy's situation ("Getting Better"), saying he too "used to get mad at [his] school" and that he used to be an "angry young man." Lucy is about to run away for good, but her mind begins to wander, wondering where she will go. ("Fixing A Hole") She decides it "doesn't really matter," and departs on "Wednesday morning at five o'clock," and leaves her parents "a note she hoped would say more." She finds a job thanks to her connections in the motor trade, and with her newfound source of income, she finds she can now go out and have fun. ("She's Leaving Home") On her travels, she encounters Mr. Kite's circus, where she encounters Henry the Horse, one of the performers. Lucy is called from the audience to be a volunteer, and she ends up waltzing with Henry. ("Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!") During the dance, Lucy realizes leaving home has left a hole in her heart, and she and Henry have a conversation about love, and she finds she may have some feelings for him. ("Within You Without You") As it turns out, Henry reciprocates Lucy's affections, and proposes to her, making her "[his] forever more." ("When I'm Sixty-Four") However, one day, as Henry is out and about, he encounters a meter maid named Rita who gives him a ticket. Enthralled by Rita's dominant attitudes toward men, he begins to see her on the side and they begin having an affair, and he finds himself "sitting on a sofa with a sister or two." However, one day, as Henry is driving around, he passes by Rita, and he bids that she "give [him] a wink and make [him] think of her." Henry, distracted, does not see the changing traffic light, and is hit by another car. ("Lovely Rita") Henry is rushed to the hospital, an incident that Billy recounts from the doctor's perspective. The doctor says that there is "nothing to do to save his life," and decides it's "time for tea and meet the wife" — that is, break the news to Lucy. ("Good Morning Good Morning") Billy and the band conclude their performance, but are cheered on for an encore. ("Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)") Billy returns and tell the audience about his own experience with Henry's death, noting how insignificant the loss of another man's life seemed to be as he read the obituary in the paper, no more important to him than learning "how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall" or his rush to avoid being late for work. ("A Day In The Life.")

"Revolution 9" is the mad ramblings of a Psyker from Warhammer 40,000.

In Warhammer 40,000, psykers are usually insane and have almost no control over their minds. "Revolution 9" is nothing but insane ramblings and talk of Satan and death.

Eleanor Rigby is the only sane woman in a Crapsaccharine World.

She is viewed as a poor, lonely beggar because she doesn't follow the customs of the rest of the world, and the dictator, Father McKenzie, killed and buried her. Her existence was then covered up (wiping the dirt from his hands, died in the church and was buried along with her name) to keep the face of the world clean.

"How Do You Sleep?" Is actually an angry dialogue between John Lennon and Paul McCartney, as imagined by John Lennon

The song begins with the line, "So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise? You better see right through that mother's eye." The line is from "Paul's" perspective — he is telling "John" that he knew exactly what was happening when Pepper was a massive success, and McCartney wrested the leadership of the group from him, and that to claim otherwise is disingenuous.

The next line is a response from Lennon, referencing the classic Paul is Dead rumor, and accusing "McCartney" of arrogance.

"McCartney" responds by attacking "Lennon's" dependence on Yoko Ono: "Jump when your momma tell you anything."

This comment leads "Lennon" into a full frontal assault. "The Only Thing You've Done Was Yesterday" "A Pretty Face May last a Year Or Two, but Pretty soon they'll see what you can do" "The Sound You make is muzak to my ears"

In case it's unclear, the quote marks around the names is simply a way of distinguishing the Lennon and the McCartney voice in the song, from the actual John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

This theory may seem far fetched, but John Lennon did admit that parts of the song were about him rather than Paul McCartney...

"Come Together" is about the various members of the Beatles.

Each verse refers to a different member.

The opening is a depiction of George Harrison, a "holy roller" with "Hair down to his knees." He came "groovin' up slowly": he started out as "just" a guitarist, but eventually caught up with Lennon-McCartney's songwriting skills. For "joo-joo eyeball", there was the problem of fans throwing jelly babies (and jelly beans!) at him, and his fear of getting hit in the eye with one. He was fiercely independent, and in January, he had walked out on the group, so he's "a joker-he just do what he please."

The second verse refers to Richard Starkey. "He wear no shoeshine" — Ringo came from a lower class than the other members of the Beatles. "I know you you know me" sounds like a Ringoism, like "A Hard Day's Night." or "Tomorrow Never Knows."

The third verse is about John Lennon. He ''bag production" because that's the name of his production company, Bag Productions. "He got walrus gumboot" — John was the walrus. "Ono sideboard" — John was dating Yoko Ono at the time the song was written. "Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease" could refer to John's problems with drugs and abuse, in the same way as songs like "Help" and "I'm A Loser".

The final verse is about Paul. "One and One and One is three" — by 1969, Paul was something of the odd man out in the group. He refused to accept the management of Allen Klein and was generally resented by the other three. "Got to be good looking cause he's so hard to see" is a reference both to Paul being considered "the cute one" and to his generally diplomatic nature — essentially, McCartney is hard to see because his personality makes to difficult to know just what he's actually thinking.

Given that The Beatles were about to break up when John wrote this song, this theory seems pretty believable (even look at the title- irony, perhaps?), even verging on Fridge Brilliance.
You could also swap the verses/identities for 2 and 4:
- Paul "wear no shoeshine": he's the barefoot one on the Abbey Road cover and of all of them he seemed to prefer sandals. "Monkey finger" might refer to his talent with the bass guitar, which is picked rather than strummed (John admired Paul's skill with the bass). Of the four of them, he seemed to have been the most into cocaine: "he shoot Coca-Cola". "I know you, you know me" seems to be a phrase that John and Paul would say when they were at odds to remind each other of their friendship: Paul mentions it in the (solo) song "Here Today." "One thing I can tell you is you got to be free" may have been John speaking to Paul, telling him to let the Beatles go ("Let It Be") and move on.
- Ringo is easygoing: you could say he rolls with it, so he's a "roller coaster". He might have been the "early warning" of the group's disintegration when he quit during the White Album sessions. Or it could be about him being friends with the Beatles before joining properly. He's the "mojo filter" in that he tied three very creative people together - John once called him "the heart". "One and one and one is three" could refer to him keeping the beat, and to his "Ringoisms". He's "hard to see" because he was often overlooked compared to the other three, especially at the end.

What the group as a whole were saying in "Come Together"

They were saying, "We know you guys think we're the biggest thing ever, and we might be. But when it comes down to it, we're just normal guys who get sick of each other and the world around us."

"Molly Jones" in The Beatles' "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da" is Molly Malone

, and the song is her fevered, dying dream.

Molly of "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da" is the famous Dublin fishmonger, overworking herself (eventually contracting a fatal fever in doing so) trying to put food on the table for her lazy, shiftless husband Desmond (whose only occupation is singing in a band, though he rarely makes any money from it) and their children. The song is her dying dream, brought about by the fever, in which their roles are reversed, Desmond is a successful fishmonger, and the family lives in relative comfort. (The reversal of "Desmond" and "Molly" in the final verse is a clue to the true situation.) "Life goes on" in the chorus is a particularly cruel irony, since life will not go on for Molly.

"Come Together" is Nick Fury, singing about the Avengers, specifically, its main four members

Shoot me refers to Nick Fury

Nick Fury got shot by the Winter Soldier

Verse 1 is about Thor:

Here come old flat top Thor wears a helmet; as God of Thunder he sometimes works up in the air; he's heir to his throne, and thus would wear a crown, etc.
He come groovin' up slowly - Thor, originally, was the most slow and dramatic of the Avengers
He got joo-joo eyeball Thor's eyes sometimes glow when he uses his lightning powers
He one holy roller God of Thunder
He got hair down to his knees Thor had long hair for most of the series
Got to be a joker he just do what he please Thor was the most eccentric of the main four, due to being from another planet. Could also be a jab at Thor not having a great grasp on humor in his early Avenger days.

Verse 2 is the Hulk/Bruce Banner

He wear no shoe-shine Hulk is barefoot
He got toe-jam football Hulk is a renowned athlete on the Grand Master's world, and plays dirty
He got monkey finger Bruce Banner is great with technology
He shoot Coca Cola refers to that fateful injection Bruce gave himself, leading to the Hulk
He say I know you, you know me, one thing I can tell you is you got to be free Referring to his duo personalities

Verse 3 is Tony Stark

He bad production Tony is the most troubled of the main four, and in the early days, caused the most trouble
He got walrus gumboot Tony often does his own investigating when something doesn't smell right
He got oh-no sideboard Tony's personal issues that he deals with on the side
He one spinal cracker As Iron Man (and even as Tony Stark) he's a badass
He got feet down below his knee He doesn't "kneel" to anyone else, he stands his ground and does what he wants
Hold you in his arms yeah you can feel his disease Referring to his mental "diseases"

Verse 4 is Steve Rogers

He roller coaster refers to his inconsistent, and increasingly erratic, moral compass and priorities
He got early warning Of the main four, Steve was the first to work as a superhero on Earth, and saw how dangerous supervillains could be before the other four did
He got muddy water As time went by, Steve gradually became less and less "pure" than he thought he was
He one mojo filter In the early days of the Avengers, Steve was known for his humility
''He say 1 and 1 and 1 is 3" Steve was the first to leave the Avengers, causing the domino effect of their breakup
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see Referring to the image of Captain America that the public puts on a pedestal, while the real Steve Rogers struggles with his identity and purpose, and compared to the otehr three, arguably has little to offer without his superhero persona.

"Come Together" is the Sorting Hat, singing about the four Hogwarts founders.

Verse 1 is Rowena Ravenclaw

''Here come old flat top" - Rowena's diadem (tiara)
He come groovin' up slowly - She is often portrayed as the most elegant and thoughtful of the four
He got joo-joo eyeball - Could refer to her skill with clever spells and charms
He one holy roller - Erm...rolling dice is often used in games of intellect?
He got hair down to his knee - She is often regarded as the more elegantly feminine and attractive between her and Hufflepuff, with long flowing hair
Got to be a joker he just do what he please - She loved riddles, and Ravenclaws are often eccentric (Luna Lovegood, Sybil Trelawney...)

Verse 2 is Helga Hufflepuff

He wear no shoe-shine - Hufflepuff didn't go in for fancy or showy things, plus people who love nature often go out barefoot
He got toe-jam football - Hufflepuffs are known to work in the dirt and mud; football could also refer to group activities, referring to Hufflepuff's social nature
He got monkey finger Hufflepuffs are not only hard workers, but "good finders." Probably good with their hands, in other words.
He shoot Coca Cola - A double entendre: the soda refers to Helga Hufflepuff's goblet; the drug, to Hufflepuff's being the "stoner house" (as they're all chill, love plants, have their commonroom near the kitchen for munchies, and what sober person would think of a badger for a symbol?)
He say "I know you, you know me, one thing I can tell you is you got to be free"- Hufflepuff's social nature, and free spirit

Verse 3 is Godric Gryffindor

He bad production - Gryffindors often cause trouble with their bold natures
He got walrus gumboot - A line that describes a tough dude who wants to know exactly what's going on
He got oh-no side board - Gryffindors address trouble that they see, and characters in that House often have dangerous missions or mischievous pranks on the side of their schoolwork
He one spinal cracker - A badass
He got feet down below his knee- Stands his ground, "kneels" before no one
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease - The Gryffindor common room is a place where trouble is often discussed, or caused.

Verse 4 is Salazar Slytherin

He roller coaster- His Basalisk, slithering through the pipes
He got early warning - "Enemies of the Heir Beware"
He got muddy water - He wanted to "purify" the school from "mudbloods"
He one mojo filter - Slytherins have egos...but also call other people out on theirs
He say 1 and 1 and 1 is 3 - Was the first founder of the four to leave the school
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see - Slytehrin is the most secretive and mysterious of the four founders. Slytherins are often concerned with outward appearance, but don't always have the most to offer in personality

"Come Together" is about the Marauders, being sun by the Map.

Verse 1 is James Potter

Here come old flat top" - "Flat top" could be a type of Quidditch broom, or a joke about how un''-flat his messy hair was
He come groovin' up slowly - James was cool, and carried himself with an attitude
He got joo-joo eyeball - His glasses
He one holy roller - Was a star in Quidditch, and later, considered a wizard war hero
He got hair down to his knee - Exaggeration about James shaggy hair
Got to be a joker he just do what he please - James was a mischievous prankster

Verse 2 is Sirius Black

He wear no shoe-shine/He got toe-jam football - Refers to his alias, Padfoot
He got monkey finger Sirius escaped Azkaban, and no one knows how
He shoot Coca Cola - Double entendre: both the soda and the drug together refer to Sirius's implied drinking problem
''He say "I know you, you know me" - Harry is shocked to learn about his connection to Sirius
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free - Sirius was wrongly imprisoned

Verse 3 is Remus Lupin

He bad production - Remus has a serious issue he's trying to keep secret
He got walrus gumboot - Werewolves...are vicious and have fangs...like a walrus...?
He got oh-no side board - His wolf transformations that he must manage on the side of his school and career
He one spinal cracker - His body undergoes painful changes
He got feet down below his knee- Despite his condition, he is a human being, and (usually) has feet, not paws
Hold you in his armchair/arms yeah you can feel his disease - Being a werewolf is essentially a magical disease, but Tonks loves him anyway

Verse 4 is Peter Pettigrew

He roller coaster- Peter's inconsistent loyalty, or simply his weak emotions
He got early warning - He was the first servant to return to Voldemort
He got muddy water - Referring to what a "dirty rat" he is, in more way than one
He one mojo filter - He puts his own well being before his friends and their families
He say 1 and 1 and 1 is 3 - Counting his number of former comrades he is betraying to his new master Voldemort
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see - Stays hidden for 13 years disguised as a rat, and is wrongfully given a great reputation as a martyr in the wizarding world; in reality, he's not very talented and is a dirty little rat with nothing useful to offer anyone.

John Lennon was telling the truth about Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.

Sorta. His son did draw such a picture and did name it that; there's hard evidence for it. But it wasn't until John realized the initials of it that he was inspired to write the song. So, it's about a picture of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and it's also about what everyone who's ever heard it knows it's really about.

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is about Money, Dear Boy

Pounds, shiilngs and pence, in pre-1970 British currency, were abbreviated L, s, d.

And the imagery of the song is saying how great it is to be rich, like Lucy.

Paul McCartney's "The World Tonight," written in 1995, foretold Princess Diana's death.

The first few verses describe a famous person with a troubled personal life; in the last, the person is described as "hiding from a flock of paparazzi" — and the story ends abruptly there, obviously indicating death. The chorus explicitly portrays this narrative as a vision of the future ("Look into the future"), anticipates that it will be reinterpreted after the event ("See it in a different light"), and implies knowledge of a conspiracy ("It doesn't matter what they say / They're giving the game away"). In the Flaming Pie liner notes, McCartney admits that he doesn't know where the lyrics came from; obviously he wrote them in a prophetic trance.^note

Paul frequently writes songs and song lyrics when in prophetic trances.

He dislikes analyzing them, partly because he is aware of Prophecy Twists, and partly because many of the ones that can be proven prophecies in hindsight are depressing in the execution... For instance, "Yesterday" was a prophetic song. It wouldn't seem to apply to someone who is 23 and at the toppermost of the poppermost; it almost certainly did apply approx. 33 years later.

Eleanor Rigby had an affair with Father McKenzie, who killed her to cover it up.

She was at the church frequently, gathering the rice or cleaning. "When there's nobody there" implies there was some reason she would not go when there were others, and she would look out her window with the face in the jar (make-up) waiting for her chance to go meet her beau. She died in the church and was buried alone by Father McKenzie because, for some reason, he killed her there and had to quickly hide the body. "Wiping the dirt from his hands" was his first step to start hiding the evidence. In the end, "no-one was saved", not even Father McKenzie.

Thanks a bundle. The song was creepy enough to begin with....
"Eleanor Rigby picked up the rice from a church where a wedding had been..." But not hers, because Father McKenzie refused to marry her.

The walrus is the eggman. And a metaphor. As narrated by a delusional schizophrenic.

"I am the eggman. I am the eggman, I am the walrus. (Goo goo g'joob.)"

It seems to list multiple things that a person is ("I am god! I AM GOD! I Am The Ruler Of All Things!), rather than multiple beings. The walrus ate the penguin that laid the egg that is humanity ("I am the eggman, they are the eggman")- an egg created in god's image but immeasureably less complex. Then the "egg-man" rises as a walrus to overthrow the penguin. ("I am human. I am human- yet I am greater than god!" A stealth Bigger Than Jesus.) Humans are now as the yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye- meaningless filth in comparison to the narrator's godhood. The elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna and pornographic priestess bits are saying, "Worship me! And if you're a hot female, worship me naked! You, god, are lower than me, so sing my praises!" The Joker is a reference to both a deck of cards, and how the most worthless card in the deck, a pitiful mortal, is now one of the greatest beings in existence, unfathomable to those who play, let alone the other cards- the Jokers from The Dark Side of the Sun. The first line is about Instrumentality, and the second (see how they run, et al.) is the other mortals refusing to join him in ascendance. The first verse (sitting on a cornflake/corporation t-shirts to See how they run/I'm cryin') is the narrator's interpretation of a protest as being a service held in his honor, then trying to fight off the puny mortal police and his delusion of "scaring them off". The last verse until the end of the song is fading into deeper and deeper disconnection from reality, why it seems to get so much creepier and mixed up with radio broadcasts at the end.

Joke's on you, bub. Lennon said he wrote that song as a sort of prank for the express purpose of creating Wild Mass Guessing. An early case of The Walrus Was Paul before they did it again in the Trope Namer, "Glass Onion".
- That's what he wanted the squares to think. John was prone to flip-flops of God.
  - You're thinking of DID, not schizophrenia.

"I Am the Walrus" has a deep and profound meaning — which John would not or could not admit to by the time the song was released.

The song has a strong What Do You Mean, It Wasn't Made on Drugs? vibe. Maybe John did have Artistic Stimulation when he wrote the song — but he was definitely sober when MMT was released. And when John was off drugs, he was careful to deny getting any positive creative influence from drugs at all. So if this was to LSD what "Got to Get You Into My Life" was to marijuana (according to latter-day Paul), John couldn't admit to the song having a meaning at all.

Or maybe the song was advocating revolution — it has a dystopic feel and seems to be attacking authority at every turn — but John dared not say that because it would've gotten the song banned by the BBC and made the single a lot harder to find. Or worse, telling the true meaning could've led EMI or Capitol or both to find another B-side to that single (the other A-side was "Hello Goodbye." John only had one all-new song for the MMT project, so losing it on the single would seriously weaken his position in the group.

"Good Night" is related to an earlier song.

After the sweet melody and Ringo's soothing voice, the listener goes to sleep in peace, and then, several hours later, YNN YNN YNN YNNNNN GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING-A!!!

Abbey Road was specifically written with 'In My Pants' jokes in mind.

Think about it; "Come Together," "Something," "Maxwell's Silver Hammer," "Octopus's Garden," "Carry that Weight," "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window"...

""Oh! Darling"? "Here Comes the Sun"? Sun King"? "The End"? "Her Majesty"?
- Still works.
Get your mind out of the gutter.

John Lennon was writing songs about Yoko Ono before he met Yoko Ono

His marriage with Cynthia went bad almost as soon as it happened, and so any tender love songs that he is responsible for have to be for someone else. And John thought they were for Yoko once he met her.

John Lennon subscribed to this theory.
- Lennon pretty much said this himself, talking about "Girl." What he really said (if memory serves) was that he was writing about the kind of woman he wanted to fall in love with, but he didn't know her yet, and then he met Yoko.

All of Abbey Road is about the same four people.

Mr. Octopus Mustard is a mean old man, but if you give him your money (he's saving up to buy some clothes), he'll let you into his garden. His sister Polythene Pam, who came in through the bathroom window, takes him out to see Her Majesty, and he always shouts out something obscene, usually related to how she's so heavy and yet he wants her, with the net result that, if things go well, he'll have to carry her weight a long time. Mr. Mustard's friend is Maxwell Edison, the Sun King (people tend to say "here comes the Sun" when he arrives), who says "I know you, you know me, one thing I can tell you is you got to be free." Max nearly broke down and died when Pam told him she didn't need him anymore—there's just something in the way she moves, and oh yeah, she's gonna be in his golden slumbers tonight. And it's all because love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you.

Well, it's more cohesive, well-thought-out, and sensible way to connect their songs than the screenwriters of the film Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band could come up with, so you're ahead of Hollywood's best efforts on the matter.
"Here Comes the Sun" is obviously part of a musical motif with "Sun King", yes; but if any two specific characters recur between songs, then it would be "Come Together" being about Mean Mr. Mustard.
What's personally odd to me about this theory is that, upon reading it, I was reminded of a dream I had which was basically an explanation of what this theory states.
Who was the fourth person? Or were you counting Her Majesty?
- Yeah, probably. She's just a minor character, though.
- If she counts, then all of Maxwell's victims should as well, Joan, the teacher, the judge, Rose and Valerie.

Rocky, Lil and Dan are bandits on the run from the law.

They're living under pseudonyms. "Her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil", "who called himself Dan"...and come on, "Rocky Raccoon"? That's not subtle.

"Rocky Raccoon" is about Ronald Reagan.

Same initials. 'To shoot off the legs of his rival' Remember RR in "King's Row" ("Where's the rest of me!?")? 'But everyone knew her as Nancy' Mrs. Reagan, of course. 'Rocky burst in and grinning a grin, he said Danny boy this is a showdown' Danny Boy is an Irish song, RR is from an Irish family, and can't you just picture movie-era RR in that very scene? The part about getting shot, but it being 'only a scratch' and RR saying 'I'll be better' clearly refer to the assassination attempt. 'Now the doctor came in stinking of gin, and proceeded to lie on the table' this is a veiled reference to RR's alcoholic father. 'Only to find Gideon's bible. Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt to help with good Rocky's revival' A bible did help with RR's "revival" as far as his public image, first he was an actor, then became (by swearing on a bible) President of the USA.

"Rocky Raccoon" was released in 1968. Reagan didn't become president until 1980 (he was sworn in as governor of California in 1967) and Hinckley didn't attempt to assassinate him until 1981.
Also Gideon wasn't a person (well, he was...in The Bible...), "Gideon's bible" refers to Gideons International, a bible distributing organization well known for donating bibles to be left in hotel rooms, meant to be left there to be used by the occupants.

"Getting Better" is about Maxwell Edison

Think about it. He certainly did get mad at his school, and his teacher really wasn't cool to be making a Medicine Major write on the board 50 times like some kid. And he was pretty cruel to his woman, beating her and keeping her apart from the things that she loved (by killing her). Man, he was mean, but he's changing his scene, and doing the best that he can. You must admit, it's getting better for him, a little better all the time. And after he killed the judge at his trial, it really can't get no worse.

Except "Getting Better" was written a couple years before "Maxwell's Silver Hammer."
- Prequel Song.

Another one: "Norwegian Wood" is about Maxwell's first date with Joan.

After she left him, he set fire to the furniture as a warning. Joan shrugged it off. Maxwell then took a pseudonym, "Edison", and called her for a date. When she was getting ready, BANG BANG! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head!

By extension, "Long Long Long" is about Maxwell's murder of Joan in "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"

As a Stalker with a Crush, he's had delusions and fantasies about her for as long as he's known her, to the point that he's deluded himself into thinking that they've always been together ("How could I ever have lost you / When I loved you"). "It took a long, long, long time" for him to come up with the perfect excuse to ensure that he'll never "misplace" her again. He kills her, takes the body back to his place, keeps her in his closet so he'll always have her close ("Now I can see you..."), and as he slides further into dementia, begins dressing himself in her clothing and impersonating her a la Psycho ("...Be you"). The last bit after that shows how his mind is only barely holding up under the strain, his sense of guilt over killing her threatening to overwhelm the elaborate fantasy he's put together and desperately clings to.

"Run For Your Life" details Maxwell's first kill

"I'd rather see you dead, little girl, then to see you with another man".

Any song that John wrote which is about himself but addressed to "you" is also about Paul.

He claimed that "How Can You Sleep?" was really about himself once the McCartney/Wings fans of the era noticed what exactly he had tried to pull with that song. And many of the other songs John wrote about himself that aren't in first person are very rough on himself. Since the Beatles were still getting along when the earlier songs of this nature were written, and since Paul helped write many of them — either from obliviousness or because he wasn't going to let his ego get in the way of good music (at least not that way) — the second target was never noticed.

This would explain how John could be the Nowhere Man and also be there as a first-person narrator...

I Am The Walrus is a dramatic retelling of Humpty Dumpty

Paul is supposedly "Dead", and the Walrus was Paul, so the "Walrus" represents death, and Humpty Dumpty is obviously the "Eggman". And Humpty Dumpty could have been taking LSD while sitting on the wall, explaning both his canonical loss of balance, and the "Yellow custard, dripping from a large black pot" nonsense most of the song blabbers on about. The refrain explains what was going on in his head at the time, as he referd to himself as "the eggman" for some reason right before he fell off, thus becoming "The Walrus", AKA death.

And Humpty Dumpty's final words were "Goo goo ga joob", by the way.

Rocky Raccoon dies

Despite his insistence that his gunshot wound is "only a scratch", and that he'll be "better as soon as he is able", Rocky eventually dies in the comfort of his hotel room, taking comfort in the words provided to him in the Gideon's Bible, thus allowing him a Religious Revival before he passes on.

Supported by the contents and tone of the scatting Paul does after the last verse.

Jojo and Loretta are the same person

According to "Get Back," "Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman, but she was another man." Perhaps Loretta is Jojo in drag.

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is about an alien abduction.

The song describes the mind-boggling experience of a modern human attempting to comprehend and describe a Starfish Alien world in terms of his experiences on Earth.

The "cellophane flowers of yellow and green towering over your head" are the searchlights of the alien ship picking him up. "Lucy" is the alien being assigned to monitor him, whom he perceives as a "girl with kaleidoscope eyes".

The "rocking horse people" who eat "marshmallow pies" are an alien race resembling horses eating their race's traditional cuisine. The "newspaper taxis" that take him away "with your head in the clouds" are shuttles taking him to a space station ("picture yourself on a train in a station").

Finally, the "plasticine porters with looking glass ties" are robots who operate the transport that he is on.

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is about events John Lennon experienced directly.

And those events are why he was spaced out for a year or two afterward.

"Revolution 9" is John's garbled premonition of the twenty-first century.

Number 9, number 9, number 9...interspersed with random snippets of radio. The Revolution was to begin in and dominate the year 9, 2009, number 9, number 9, number 9; the radio snippets certainly contain further clues of what's to come, but for now, as it begins, all we hear is radio bloo-bloo, radio blah-blah...Radio Gaga.

People are saying ponderous things such as, "Take this, brother; may it serve you well." Like the early Christians talking about the Eucharist. It's necessary to be vague; if discovered, they might wind up dead.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is about being committed to an insane asylum.

The "newspaper taxis" aren't black-and-white cabs in the old/British sense; they're black-and-white cabs in the "like a cab, but black and white" sense. The train station is the admittance block, and Lucy is a fellow inmate or a member of the collection crew.

The descriptions from earlier may be indecipherable delusion, but there's a distinct chance that the narrator's hypothetical "yourself" has a psychotic break near a park (one with the little bouncy animals on springs or (if the river was metaphorical or paint on the floor, but the cellophane flowers weren't) a big fancy toy store.

Octopus's Garden is about a Starfish Alien.

There is a bit that sounds like a radio transmission from an astronautical documentary. The sea is an empty mar; the storm is some sort of cascade or other aurora. The main point of the song is that the shade in which the octopus's garden rests is on The Dark Side of the Sun — that is, on the animal side of sentience, without intellectually-imbued conscience or authority. The speaker is saying that he would like to frolic the way the animals do.

Octopus's Garden is referencing The Call of Cthulhu

Listen to the lyrics. R'lyeh is under the sea, where Cthulhu dreams ("Resting our head on the sea bed"), Cthulhu and his kind know all that is occurring in the universe ("Knows where we've been"), the song takes place during a storm, just like when R'Lyeh rose, both the Cthulhu Cult and Octopus's Garden are hidden. Finally compare these two passages:

"We would shout and swim about/ The coral that lies beneath the waves./ Oh what joy for every girl and boy/ Knowing they're happy and they're safe./ We would be so happy, you and me. No one there to tell us what to do."
"The time would be easy to know, for then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones, Free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy."
- This troper has long suspected this, and now is convinced. Good job.

Eleanor Rigby was a homeless person who frequented the church before she was found dead there of age, malnourishment, or illness.

She kept her face in a jar by the door (makeup, just a big, cheap jar of concealer or something that could have been caught on a dumpster diving trip or something that was bought using a bit of spare change that was occasionally left after the minimum requirement for food in Eleanor's opinion) instead of in the washroom because the abandoned building had no washroom mirrors or runnign water and/or had a mirror by the door. She picked up the rice to cook for supper, possibly also because she was a Homeless Pigeon Person and didn't want to risk her pigeon friends eating it out of the garbage or off the sidewalk when someone else swept it out of the church. Father McKenzie found her late at night in the church (possibly when preparing for midnight mass, if the "sermon no-one would hear" was more than emphasizing the lonely tone of their lives) and buried her in a nameless grave out of respect, but could not invite her friends and family (even if she had them, he wouldn't know who they were to invite them). "No-one was saved" is because she never recieved last rights. "Wiping the dirt from his hands" was just to emphasize that Father McKenzie had bothered to dig the grave himself, and not a metaphor.

Penny Lane is about The Slender Man

The first verse describes the barber, who ends up calling the Slender Man by drawing him (the picture of every head he's had the pleasure to know includes Slendy's face). The banker is the Slendy himself, a strange man in a suit, who the narrator immediately connects to children and notes acts odd (never wears a mac in the pouring rain. Very strange). The fireman is someone who already knows of Slendy, and tries to help people exposed to him ('it's a clean machine' symbolising this). The pretty nurse is Slendy's first victim, which alerts the fireman. Then Slendy appears in the barbershop, the fireman rushes in to save him, ending the song on a Cliffhanger. The narrator is completely unaware of all this, and goes on living his life comfortably. (Inspired by listening carefully to the bass of the song, and noticing that at certain points it sounds really creepy).

The fireman might be the song's totheark. The hourglass and constant cleaning of his engine represent his obsession; the way that the line "it's a clean machine" is said makes it seem like some kind of empty attempt to explain and justify his obsession.
This is probably happening somewhere in Canada. The Fireman's "portrait of the queen" that he keeps in his pocket is on a Canadian $20 bill that he's planning to give to Slendy in case that works. The nurse selling poppies was selling them for Rememberance Day, which falls on 11/11 (sequences of the same number show up a lot in The Slender Man Mythos, plus the dead of winter seems the best time for Slendy to strike). The references to her "thinking she was in a play" imply that she had a similar experience to the Everyman HYBRID crew; she thought she was just in a play about Slendy but he turned out to be after her in real life.
...I hate you.
- Okay, this idea sounded really bloody ridiculous to me until I went and listened to the song off Itunes on headphones so I could hear all of the background noise and bass and hear how creepy a lot of it is. Now it makes a lot of sense, at least the idea of The Banker being a sinister figure (there's a really creepy Hell Is That Noise effect when he arrives at the barber's at the end) and the Fireman rushing in to save the barber at the end (his Leit Motif is trumpets and a clanging bell that seems like perfect music for The Cavalry). Also note the Banker "waiting for a trim"...didn't one branch of the Mythos-maybe even Tribe Twelve-connect Slendy to a German folktale about a sinister creature that wielded a giant pair of scissors with which he pursued naughty children?
OP Here: This theory, by-the-by, dovetails perfectly with the 'Paul can predict the future' theory.

Maxwell Edison never killed anyone.

The song continually mentions Maxwell's silver hammer coming down on people's heads. It never says who was wielding it, only that it belonged to him.

After the murder of Joan, Maxwell, her boyfriend, was one of the prime suspects. The teacher was keeping him in captivity, intent on asking him a few questions about it. After she was killed, the hammer was found at the crime scene, and Maxwell was arrested.

The trial is where it all comes together. If Maxwell was truly a sociopath, and Rose and Valerie knew about it, then why would they defend him? And how could he sneak up behind the judge and kill him when he was still at the defendant stand?

We are truly dealing with is a hammer-stealing psycho.

Why did he target the two people who suspected Maxwell the most when letting them live would take the heat off of himself? Does he want Maxwell alive? And why did he attack Joan in the first place? Was it because Maxwell had left the hammer at her house the last time he was there, and he didn't want her calling the cops when he broke in to steal it?

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" is the desire for a drug fix.

No one is killing anyone - they're all drug addicts. They're just going on about their lives when *Bang-bang* "God, I'm wiped out - I really need a hit to keep going."

Joan realizes she needs a hit to go out to the movies - by herself. The teacher is trying to keep his/her addiction down during the school day - it hits them after school. Rose and Valerie were demonstrating for drug legalization when they get arrested - the Twist Ending is the judge who is trying them is a user himself.

And Maxwell is their dealer, hence why he gets arrested and why it's specifically Maxwell's silver hammer.

Billy Shears is Sargent Pepper.

To quote Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band,

So may I introduce to you, the one and only Billy Shears, and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band! Billy Shears!

Why else would he be so notable? Early names for the Beatles themselves were "Johnny (Lennon) and the Moondogs" and "Long John and The Beetles". Therefore William "Shears" is Sgt. Pepper himself.

The girl in "She's Leaving Home" had a paper route.

But when she ran away, she quit her job.

One of the people on her route was Lady Madonna. That's why "Wednesday morning papers didn't come": the girl left home at "Wednesday morning at five o'clock."

"Lovely Rita" is the story of a man's denialistic failure to exert traditional dominance in an era of changing gender roles.

The song's protagonist's relationship with Rita seems to defy traditional gender roles at every turn - the two meet when Rita gives a parking ticket to the protagonist (who doesn't miss out on the irony, noticing Rita's juxtaposition of authority with femininity by claiming that her uniform "[makes] her look a little like a military man"), and Rita even takes the traditionally male responsibility of paying for their first date. Given how often the protagonist feminizes his girlfriend and her authoritative position as a "lovely meter maid," he seems to be discontent with The '60s and the rise of feminism.

The songs in Beatles for Sale tell a composite story

The story begins with "No Reply," in which the protagonist is shunned by his love interest. In "I'm a Loser," he reflects on his misfortune in romance, and in "Baby's in Black" he realizes that this new girl is only avoiding him because she is still mourning her late boyfriend and is not yet ready for another relationship. "Rock & Roll Music" has him clearing his head with a night of dancing, and the next morning, he decides to just "Follow the Sun"and take life as it comes.

A few nights later, he spots the girl at a party ("Mr. Moonlight") and learns she is leaving for ~~Kansas~~ Missouri. He wishes to follow her, and she accepts ("Kansas City"). The relationship is a happy and carefree one ("Eight Days a Week," "Words of Love"), but soon the protagonist begins to doubt his love's sincerity ("Honey Don't"). He tries to convince himself he is still happy with her ("Every Little Thing"), but when she abandons him at a party (I Don't Want to Spoil the Party"), he realizes it's over and calls her out for hurting him in "What You're Doing." He returns to his hometown, finding himself with plenty of female admirers and a happy ending, in "Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby."

The Walrus and the Sun King are one and the same, an evil mastermind attempting an Assimilation Plot.

No, this theory isn't a joke. No more than any of the other theories on this page, anyway. So, let's pretend these two songs have a plot. It starts out with a normal man obtaining mind control powers by an unknown means — let's just say it involved copious amounts of LSD. Realizing the influence he could obtain with these powers, he sets out to assimilate the entire population of the world into his mind and, having always been a fan of Alice in Wonderland, renames himself "The Walrus" after another famous evil manipulator

. The events of "I Am the Walrus" tell the story of one of the Walrus's early victims, an unidentified man who finds himself unable to fight the Walrus's hypnotic power. He exclaims "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" as he feels his mind being pooled into the Walrus's alongside several others, finally giving in and admitting "I am the Walrus!". The rest of the song consists mostly of disjointed nonsense as the protagonist's mind melds with that of other victims around him and is finally subdued at the hands of the Walrus. However, it should be noted that there are a few cryptic references to apparent survivors of this attack ("See how they run like pigs from a gun," "Naughty girl," "Naughty boy"), indicating that the Walrus still has a long way to go before his goals are achieved.

By the time we see him again in "Sun King," though, the Walrus has come a lot closer. Having finally subjugated most of the world into his Hive Mind, he has renamed himself "The Sun King" after another famous absolute ruler. (Let's say this guy was also a pretty big history buff.) The song tells the story of yet another victim as he is ambushed by the Sun King and his legions of mindless slaves — He states "Here come the Sun King" (specifically using the plural form of "comes" — come on, listen to the song and tell me if you hear an 's') in reference to his attackers all sharing the same Hive Mind. Unable and even unwilling to resist the now absurdly powerful Sun King, the protagonist slips into a state of euphoria as his mind is assimilated, explaining the song's completely happy (if surreal) tone and lines such as "Everybody's laughing / Everybody's happy" (refering to the mindless docility of the Sun King's followers) — None of the vague desperation of "I Am the Walrus" remains. As the protagonist loses his coherence and feels his mind being pooled into those of the world-spanning army around him, he slips into the native languages of his fellow victims, spouting several multilingual nonsense words.

And one of these phrases is "chicka ferdy," a contribution from the protagonist himself that he recalled from his childhood in Liverpool as his dying thought. Yes, with this final breath, Paul McCartney slipped from the conscious world and died, his mind completely and utterly inhabited by that of the Sun King/the Walrus, John Lennon. And The Walrus Was Paul.

MUST SEARCH MORE BEATLES SONGS FOR CLUES!!!!
- I Want You (She's So Heavy): Assimilating his crush
- Come Together: Four more victims, and the title should give away the obvious
- Here Comes the Sun: A father explaining to his young daughter about the Sun King coming to assimilate them
- Penny Lane: The world the Walrus has built for the victims
- Eleanor Rigby: A sole survivor in the above world, a poor homeless woman who dies unloved (and yet unassimilated)
- Get Back: The Walrus fails at assimilating everyone, and the resistance fights back. JoJo and Loretta are two members of the resistance
- Octopus' Garden: A "Somewhere" Song about a place where no one has to be assimilated: "We would be so happy, you and me / No one there to tell us what to do." The line "in the shade" implies protection from the Sun (King).
Here's a thought:
- Act I: The Walrus
  - The Fool on the Hill: The Walrus accidentally discovers his mind-control powers when he causes a man to stand "perfectly still" on a hilltop for days on end.
  - Please Please Me: The Walrus' friend advises he use his powers to revive his awful sex life at home, and so the next day he recounts the tale of his success.
  - I Am The Walrus: The Walrus' rise to power.
  - I Want You (She's So Heavy): The Walrus assimilates his girlfriend.
  - She Said She Said: Father McKenzie, a revolutionary leader, gives a rallying speech to his supporters about his niece Julia, who strongly opposes assimilation, before the Walrus' police attack and take him hostage along with many of his followers.
  - Come Together: The Walrus assimilates Father McKenzie and some of the revolutionaries.
  - Hello Goodbye: The Walrus turns on his friend and assimilates him so that he no longer has to share the power.
  - Sun King: The Walrus adopts the title of "Sun King" and makes his new slaves while his old best friend, his wife, and Father McKenzie sing a song of praise for him.
  - Within You Without You: The Walrus gives a speech about the unifying powers of assimilation.
  - Penny Lane: The Walrus describes his utopia to his new slaves.
  - I'll Follow the Sun: Father McKenzie agrees to follow the Walrus wherever he goes.
- Act II: Julia
  - What Goes On: Julia's boyfriend Jude, an aspiring young novelist, questions why she is breaking up with him.
  - Hey Jude: Julia tells Jude that everything, she believes, will be fine.
  - Here Comes the Sun: Julia's father tries to win her over and convince her not to resist assimilation.
  - She's Leaving Home: Julia runs away to avoid assimilation.
  - Yesterday: Julia's parents regret causing her to run away and are assimilated to forget about their pain.
  - All You Need Is Love: The Walrus comes by in a parade, preaching the powers of assimilation as a form of love.
  - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: Julia finds the new revolutionary camp in the woods. Sgt. Pepper, who was Father McKenzie's second-in-command, is the new leader.
  - With A Little Help From My Friends: Some of the revolutionaries put on a show to keep morale high, led by Billy Shears, Sgt. Pepper's right-hand man, and Eleanor Rigby, a brilliant spy.
  - Octopus' Garden: Sgt. Pepper tells Julia about his dream of living in a world untouched by the Sun King.
  - Julia: Sgt. Pepper and Julia begin to fall in love.
- Act III: The Inner Light
  - The Ballad of John and Yoko: Sgt. Pepper tells the story of two people who escaped to Mainland Europe to avoid assimilation, which he compares to Jesus's crucifixion.
  - Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!: Sgt. Pepper stages a benefit show with Mr. Kite, a former circus performer turned spy, and his friends the Hendersons.
  - Mean Mr. Mustard/Polythene Pam/She Came in Through the Bathroom Window: Julia's neighbours, who share her anti-assimilation views, join the revolutionaries. Jude, who is Mr. Mustard's son, also joins them, and despite his jealousy over Sgt. Pepper for Julia, he warms up to the idea.
  - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds: Sgt. Pepper and Mr. Kite persuade Julia to disguise herself to fool the Walrus.
  - Yer Blues: Mr. Mustard expresses his suicidal thoughts to the revolutionaries.
  - Get Back: The revolutionaries liberate some assimilated people, including Julia's parents, in their effort to fight the Walrus.
  - I'll Get You: After Father McKenzie tells him what has happened, the Walrus threatens revenge against the revolutionaries.
  - You Can't Do That: Mr. Mustard warns Pam about the dangers of assimilation.
  - The Inner Light: Julia discovers what the Walrus is really doing and how to avoid it.
  - Only a Northern Song: The revolutionaries engage in a strange acid trip.
- Act IV: Revolution
  - For You Blue: Sgt. Pepper writes Julia a song, and all the revolutionaries enjoy a period of contentment.
  - Eleanor Rigby: Billy returns from a failed espionage mission, reporting Eleanor is dead, killed by the assimilated Father McKenzie. The revolutionaries want to go find her and pay their respects, but they know they cannot as it would compromise them.
  - Yellow Submarine: Billy and some of the other revolutionaries become disillusioned and decide to abandon the camp to try and find a way to escape instead of fight. Billy tells the others of a man he once knew who owned a yellow submarine, and they leave. Julia is tempted to leave, but Sgt. Pepper makes her stay. They get into a fight, and Sgt. Pepper goes off into the woods to be alone, where he runs into Father McKenzie and is assimilated.
  - Revolution: Sgt. Pepper returns to the camp and tries to stop the revolutionaries from proceeding any further.
  - Michelle: Julia confronts Sgt. Pepper about his behavior and finds he is acting strangely, speaking in French and calling her "Michelle." She realizes he has been assimilated.
  - Run For Your Life: Julia fails to tell the other revolutionaries about Sgt. Pepper as he forces her to run away.
  - The Long and Winding Road: Julia says goodbye to the camp as she goes on the run.
  - A Day in the Life: Julia reads a local newspaper, where she learns about a car crash in which Mr. Mustard and Pam were killed. She eventually stumbles upon Jude and her parents, all of whom have fled to escape assimilation.
  - Paperback Writer: Julia encounters the best-selling novel section of the newspaper, where Jude's novel, Maxwell's Silver Hammer, is at #1 on the list. Maxwell Edison, the novel's protagonist, is a medical student studying the effects of drugs on the human body.
  - For No One: Jude laments the loss of Julia's love for Sgt. Pepper.
  - Not a Second Time: Julia laments about how her parents were assimilated and have now changed their minds about it.
  - I Should Have Known Better: The same, but from the perspective of Julia's parents.
  - Maxwell's Silver Hammer: Julia reads Jude's novel, thinking of it as a possible way to kill the Walrus.
  - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise): Sgt. Pepper assimilates the other revolutionaries and catches Julia. They bring her before the Walrus, and they sing the song that they sang when she first joined them to taunt her.
  - We Can Work It Out: The Walrus promises Julia a painless assimilation if she surrenders. She refuses, punching him in the face and running away.
  - Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End: Julia runs to where Billy says the submarine would be, but finds it is gone. Sgt. Pepper catches up to her, and she tells him that "in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" before kissing him one last time and pushing him into the sea, drowning him.

"Here Comes The Sun" is a father comforting his daughter Just Before the End

The Earth is slowly moving towards the sun, and the father knows it won't be long before they die. It's like "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" Played for Drama, and affecting everyone.

"And Your Bird Can Sing" is about Paul.

Conventional wisdom has it that this song is a diatribe directed at Mick Jagger, who as the story goes liked to brag about his "bird," Marianne Faithfull. Provided that was true, it seems doubtful that John would even care enough to be piqued into taking the passive-aggressive route of writing a song about it, especially one so uppity and personally affected. "You don't get me! You can't see me! You can't hear me!"

Meanwhile, in late 1965 and '66 there was some strain on John and Paul's relationship, for various reasons. One, Paul had decided to stay in London instead of moving out to Weybridge with John and the others. Even though they kept in constant touch (according to Cynthia Lennon, they would even sing and play to each other over the phone) and Paul regularly drove out for visits and/or songwriting sessions, this was a blow to John, since they had been virtually inseparable for almost ten years, and the Beatles were customarily a like-minded unit. Two, while John felt stuck in Surrey, Paul was swanning about the London art scene, befriending its inhabitants, attending plays and happenings, and living an enviable swinging bachelor life. Three, and perhaps most crucially, Paul kept balking at taking LSD with John in spite of increasing peer pressure and his willingness to take cocaine with Robert Fraser. (Not that it's a total no-brainer that Paul would opt for coke over acid or anything.) So John vented his jealousy and frustration with Paul ca. 1966 through song, as he was wont to do— but couched it in metaphor, because he wouldn't have wanted to really hurt Paul then. His care for his target comes through in spite of his put-downs: "When your prize possessions start to weigh you down, look in my direction. I'll be 'round."

On a minor note, the line "You say you've seen seven wonders," which would be in response to Paul enthusing over the things he was seeing and doing in Swinging London, also reminds of his (hilariously amazing) pot-inspired epiphany the night Bob Dylan turned the Beatles on to cannabis that "THERE ARE SEVEN LEVELS."

The lyrics are cryptic enough that Paul might not have noticed they were about him; if he suspected, it would be like him to just ignore it if it meant hedging a confrontation over such a difficult subject.

"Revolution 9" is the ninth revolution in the Beatles' career.

The formation of the band was the start of a revolution in pop music
The British Invasion
Rubber Soul led to the shrugging off of their "bouncy pop idol" image, with a revolution in how the world saw them
Tomorrow Never Knows, with the editing revolutions (the "evil seagulls" and tape recorder sounds)
Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band's revolution in creativity (or drugs)
Magical Mystery Tour had a revolution from light pop music to darker music (especially evident in Blue Jay Way and I am the Walrus)
The White Album and the preceding albums had a revolution in song topics
Early takes for Revolution 1
Revolution 9

Batman villians are mentioned in "I Am the Walrus"

Consider the lyrics, "Don't you think The Joker laughs at you?" and "Elementary Penguin.

Considering that John Lennon was a closet superhero fan, this ain't too far-fetched.

"Rubber Soul" is telling one story

Almost every song in it is about a girl who recently broke the singer's heart, and many of them are about how he still loves her. In Drive my Car, she is asking him to do all the work to get her famous for her, therefore driving her car. In You Won't See Me, the girl is cheating on him, and he is trying to get in touch with her. In Michelle, speaking French is a metaphor for the man not being able to get the girl to understand how much he loves her. In What Goes On, the man is asking the girl why she keeps taking advantage of him. In Girl, the man is talking about what the girl did. In I'm looking through you, he finally realized that it is hopeless to try to love her, and in Run for Your Life, he is telling her to leave before he decides to get revenge.

"I Am the Walrus" is about Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.

Take a look at the lyrics:

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" � The Dodo and the White Knight, both of whom are the alternate forms of Lewis Carroll in both books
"See how they run like pigs from a gun" � The White Rabbit, even though he has his own song
"See how they fly" � Alice encounters the "Dodo" and the "Duck"
"I'm crying" � obviously the "Pool of Tears"
"Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come" � Alice, when she is one inch tall, expects to catch a train ("the van")
"Corporation t-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday" � The Jabberwock and its slaying?
"Man you've been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long" � The Pool of Tears again
"I am the eggman" � Humpty Dumpty or the Carpenter (the former is more likely)
"They are the eggmen" � Tweedledum and Tweedledee
"I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob" � Do I really need to explain this?
"Mister City Policeman sitting pretty little policemen in a row" � maybe Alice lives just outside London or another large British town like Liverpool or Glasgow
"See how they fly like Lucy in the sky" � the Dodo and the Duck again
"See how they run" � The White Rabbit again
"Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye" � Jabberwocky?
"Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess, Boy you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down" � Lewis Carroll was known for photographing naked girls, although Alice Liddell/Hargreaves was never known to be one of them
"Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun" � where Alice In Wonderland both begins and ends
"If the sun don't come, you get to tan from standing in the English rain" � More from the Pool of Tears
"Expert texpert" � Lewis Carroll, who had gone through nearly 90,000 revisions of Alice In Wonderland and more than 60,000 of Through the Looking-Glass at the time of his death in 1898
"Choking smokers" � The Caterpillar
"Don't you think the joker laughs at you?" � The Cheshire Cat or the Mad Hatter
"See how they smile like pigs in a sty"� The Cheshire Cat again
"See how they snied" � To sny means to move or proceed. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare not only appear at the trial but in some chapters of Through the Looking-Glass as well
"Semolina pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower" � Alice speaks French, hence the Eiffel Tower, in her "pool" of tears (a pilchard is a fish; semolina is an ingredient in pasta)
"Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna" � the Dodo and the Duck again
"Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Alan Poe" � Lewis Carroll wrote a riddle for the Mad Hatter in which he says "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" A common answer to it is that "Poe wrote on both," but it has no answer and was not suggested by him.

"Yellow Submarine" is about Abbey Road Studios.

My sister (she's 14 and I'm 18) was playing Yellow Submarine on Rock Band when she gave me this theory. "In the town where I was born" could represent Liverpool. "Lived a man who lived a sea" might represent Brian Epstein. "And he told us of his life, in the land of submarines" is representing being in the music business. "So we sailed into the sun" is the Beatles on tour "till we found the sea of green" could represent fame/mmoney. "And we lived beneath the waves, of our Yellow Submarine" is talking about living on the success of their fame.
Continuing on this, we have "Our friends are all aboard" could represent people on management or people close to them. "Many more live next door" could represent other people under management. "And the Band begins to play" could represent the Beatles and their own music.
We insert the bridge with Mr. Barkley and them speeding ahead, is the Beatles leaving the touring scene and heading off to Abbey Road Studios.
Last but not least "As we live a life of ease" is them now relaxing and chilling in Abbey Road Studios. Then "everyone of us has all we need" is about them having not being stressed out and have what they need to make music. "Skies of blue" is no stress and "Sea of green" repeats the theory of the fame. So that means "We all live in a yellow submarine" is about their life at that very moment!

I am The Walrus is about an Orwellian Dictatorship

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." refers to society being reduced to identical citizens. The 'he' refers to the ruler of this dictatorship who insists that he is the same as the citizens.

"Sitting on a Cornflake" is the ruler's reflections that his society could collapse at the slightest rebellion.

"I am the Eggman" refers to the repressed citizens who have became "The Eggmen" — mindless blank slates.

"I" refers to the ruler who insists he is like the citizens ("They are also the eggman"), but he later adds "I am the Walrus" and therefore is not an eggman. This is a reference to Nineteen Eighty-Four doublethink: citzens are brainwashed to the point that they can be told two contradictory facts by the goverment and believe both of them.

The "pretty little policemen in a row" are his squads that he uses to control the populace.

"Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down." refers to gender growing irrelavant in the society and also implies the anti-sex attidutes in 1984.

Paul wrote 'When I'm 64' about Heather Mills

This whole song is ironic and sarcastic.

The title: at 64, Paul was in the middle of divorcing She Who Shall Not Be Named.

The 'scrimp and save' part on the second verse: when he reached 64, Paul McCartney probably didn't have to 'scrimp and save.' He wanted to, which probably annoyed Heather Mills no end. He was at his most openly extravagant when they were together.

Also in the second verse, there are comparisons to Linda. Linda was more dependent on, or more willing to pretend to be dependent, with Paul than Heather; hence, lines like 'I could be handy mending a fuse' and 'doing the garden, digging the weeds'. Those are basically Paul's wish for him and Heather to have more traditional gender roles ('you could knit a sweater by the fireside' etc), like he had with Linda.

Heather would not be born for another year, and Paul held onto more pre-1960s ideals than the average rock star, so the ideals were different almost to the point of the Generation Gap. This also affects the line 'grandchildren on your knee': Heather is too young to have grandkids of her own, but Paul and Linda's children provided Paul with several.

This theory implies the "Paul writes songs in prophetic trances" theory.

Brian Epstein is Sergeant Pepper.

Another part of the "Paul writes songs in prophetic trances" theory. Brian Epstein died only a few months after the Sgt. Pepper album was released. The line "It was 20 years ago today / Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play" gives the impression that the Lonely Hearts Club Band are struggling to carry on after the loss of the man behind them—exactly what the Beatles ended up doing for the next two years.

The Fool on the Hill is about The Joker

Aside from the fact he apparently has a "foolish grin" enough for it to become a defining character trait, he also refuses to give answers and due to his nature and what "he wants to do" no one body seems to like him. If you want, you could even throw in a reference to the Nietzsche Wannabe traits he is shown to have at times with the line "He knows that they're the fools" when describing the same society that knows what he wants to do and ostracizes him for it. And did I forget to mention how there's a portion of the song right before the revelation he sees them as fools where maniacal laughter plays in the background?

The Fool on the Hill is a Hippie

Makes sense if you listen to it. The Fool on the Hill is a Hippie in 66/early 67. He's trying to be politically active, but at this point in time, no one wants to be associated with a Hippie (English and American Society was still the Suit and Tie, Leave it to Beaver type life). The Sun going down is one of three possibilities: 1) He's literally seeing the sun go down, 2) He's seeing the rigid society around him crumbling, or 3) He thinks time is running out to free people from their oppressive society. The World spinning round is one of two things: 1) He's high, or 2) He thinks that if he can change his country, he can change the world for the better.

The "Jealous Guy" is the same man who threatened his woman in "Run For Your Life", but is now repentant about it.

In the first song, he's going on about "I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to see you with another man" and "you better run for your life if you can" and "catch you with another man, that's the end" and other threatening words to that effect. However, after the two break up (or if you want to get Darker and Edgier, he kills or injures her), he's eventually filled with regret and remorse for the nasty things he said. Therefore, the heartwrenching apology song. "I was swallowing my pain." "I began to lose control." "I was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore." "I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm just a jealous guy." And this would seem like a good move for Lennon, as "Run For Your Life" didn't fit in at all with the Beatles' (and Lennon's) general peace-and-love vibe at the time.

People need to stop trying to evaluate "Run For Your Life" in a modern context. Back in the 60s, someone cheating on you was far more shocking, as the majority of married couples in the UK were faithful to each other. It's only in recent years that people have gotten divorced more often, mostly because people don't have the patience they once did.

"With A Little Help From My Friends" has homoerrotic subtext.

The gender of the singer's "love" is never stated with any pronouns. Not only is the gender not stated, but it's repeatedly asked if it could "be anybody," and in one verse, a point of playful secrecy is put on the subject.

"...I want somebody to love." "Could it beeee anybody?" "...I want somebody to love...."
"...What do you see when you turn out the lights?" "I can't tell you but I know it's mine..."
...Yeah, I get bi with a little help from my friends.

Beatles '65 tells a definite story.

No, this does not rip off the Beatles for Sale theory despite the first six songs being in the same order on both albums. As the story begins, our hero, Robert Hartford, is waiting outside the house of his girlfriend, Margaret Barton, but she doesn't answer ("No Reply"), and Robert laments that he's lost her ("I'm a Loser"). Not long thereafter, he finds out why Margaret didn't answer; she mourns for her deceased fiancé, Charles Lambert ("Baby's in Black"). Hoping to get away from his sorrows, Robert takes a plane from London to Miami Beach BOAC, where he enjoys the upbeat songs ("Rock and Roll Music") and decides to become a rock musician. Despite only having an acoustic guitar, he believes that he has found his true calling and hopes to pursue music as his dream ("I'll Follow the Sun"). Still lovesick, however, Robert gives a prayer ("Mister Moonlight") to find the girl of his dreams. Returning to London, he is greeted by Margaret, who has realised how wrong she was to ignore him, but he warns her that if both should part ("Honey Don't"), no matter how distant they may be, he will always return to her ("I'll Be Back"). When she agrees to marry him, Robert is ecstatic ("She's a Woman"), and they enjoy a jubilant matrimony ("I Feel Fine"). Robert enjoys a happy life as a musician even when the groupie brigade ("Everybody's Trying to be My Baby") wants to pull him away from his wife.

Several of John Lennon's songs make allusions to the death of his mother, Julia.

This is in fact true of the White Album track "Julia" and John's solo song "Mother." According to the Genius page for the latter song, it is said that "Yes It Is," released as the B-side of "Ticket to Ride," was also inspired by the tragedy of his mother. Here are some other lines that "hide" such references:

"Please Please Me": "[But] you know there's always rain in my heart" � John was always sad without her.
"Misery": "I'm the kind of guy/Who never used to cry" and "I've lost her now for sure/I won't see her no more" � John never cried as heavily before seventeen (Julia was killed in the summer of 1958), then his thoughts shifted more toward his mother after her death.
"This Boy": "This boy wouldn't mind the pain" � it hurt so much to think of Julia.
"I Call Your Name": "I call your name, but you're not there" � he knew that she would never answer (leading to "No Reply" later on), even if he waited to the death for her.
"Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)": "And when I awoke, I was alone" � John was alone without his mother.

"Good Morning Good Morning," "Good Day Sunshine" and "Good Night" make up a supposedly incomplete story arc.

The plot of the three songs, when combined, is very similar to Days of Future Passed, but as a whole, the story arc is missing "Good Afternoon" and "Good Evening."

"Eleanor Rigby" is about John F. Kennedy's assassination and its aftermath.

The "lonely people" in the song are the people who believe the world to be lonely without JFK, and the church motif reflects JFK as a Roman Catholic. The title character is not a woman named Eleanor Rigby but a metaphor for JFK's assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald. The fact that [s]he "waits at the window" reflects exactly what Oswald did when he killed JFK. The use of Father McKenzie is also a metaphor, used in the second verse for Jack Ruby — whose "sermon that no one will hear" is a speech that he never delivered to the employees of his strip club, the Carousel, because he killed Oswald and was arrested for it — and in the third and last verse for the men who were at Oswald's funeral. Ironically, Oswald's funeral was held on November 25th, 1963, the same day as JFK's, so "nobody came" and Oswald, despite being notorious for his actions, was "buried alone." In the end, with JFK dead and the world depressed, "no one was saved."

Lady Madonna is Jewish.

This is why Paul McCartney bypassed Saturday in the song — it's the Sabbath for Jews, and Lady Madonna is taking the day off for rest.

"Come Together" predicted the characters from The Loud House.

"Hair down to his knees" is about Lucy � not the one that we love or the one in the Sky with Diamonds, but Lucy Loud, whose hair covers both eyes
"Got to be a joker" describes Luan
Lori "just do what [s]he "please"
Leni "wear no shoeshine" because she wears sandals
Lynn has both the "toe jam football" and "Ono sideboard"
Luna might not have the "monkey finger," but she comes close as a rocker
Lincoln is the one who "got to be free," but is also the "early warning" and the "Mojo filter"
"One and one and one is three" describes Lola, Lana (the "muddy water") and Lily, who are all voiced by Grey de Lisle
And lastly the one who's "so hard to see" is Lisa because she wears glasses

Sgt. Peppers lonely heart club band is one patient's experiences being accidently admitted psychiatric facility

1. The title song represents the Patient being admitted to the Facility which is named Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band.2. With a little help from my friends is a group therapy session that the patient had.3. Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds is about a child the patient meets. "The sun in her eyes" represents her innocence4. Getting Better represents the change in the patient's mental state after being medicated.5. Fixing a hole is a hole is about the patient witnessing the maintance staff fix a hole that another patient made in the wall6. She's leaving home is a suicidal teen the patient meets7. Mr. Kite is a paranoid schizophrenic the patient meets8. Within you without you when I'm sixty four and lovely Rita are all multiple personalities of someone with DID. Within You Without you is one of a spiritual figure, When I'm sixty Four a sixty four year old. And Lovely Rita a maid.9. Good morning is a song is the patient waking up the next day10. The reprise is the patient being discharged11. A day in the life is someone reflecting back on their time at. Sgr. Peppers.

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is about I Love Lucy.

Although it's unlikely that John Lennon would know about the series, we all know who Lucy is, but as for the other two parts, the "sky" represents the show's popularity, both in its original run and in reruns, and the "diamonds" represent the wealth Lucy and Desi made thanks to their show.

Revolution 9 is the ninth major revolution in world history since 1750.

The rough chronological order is thus:

The Industrial Revolution
The American Revolution
The French Revolution
The Revolutions of 1848
The American Civil War, sometimes called the "Second American Revolution"
World War One, a revolution in warfare
The Russian Revolution
World War II, an even greater revolution in warfare
Revolution 9

Paul Is Dead (Or Not)

Paul's Replacement has been Secretly Assassinating the Other Beatles

To cover up the conspiracy, of course...
He framed Mark Chapman for Lennon's murder.
A second Beatle being murdered would have attracted too much attention, so he infected George Harrison with cancer and orchestrated 9/11 so that it would not be widely reported on in the media (Harrison died in November 2001).
He may also have been responsible for Brian Epstein's death, along with any other notably dead Beatles figures.
His attempts at trying to kill Ringo, however, have been reminiscent of Wile E. Coyote.

Paul Died but Got Better

Notice that the cartoon "Beatle" on the cover of A Collection of Beatles Oldies is in the same position as Michael Jackson on the cover of Thriller on which Paul is a guest star.
Notice that if you play the gibberish at the end of "A Day In The Life," backwards, it sounds like, "will Paul be back? He's Superman," and Paul is wearing a blue costume on the cover. The first Superman movie ends with Superman going back in time to make sure Lois doesn't die in her car.
On "The Girl Is Mine," Paul sings, "sending roses and your silly dreams, really just a waste of time."
- Of course, in the 2008 remix, Paul is replaced by a William... or should I say, Will.I.Am.
The title song contains the lyrics, "I'll save you from the terror on the screen," which could mean a movie screen, but could also mean a windshield. Also, the video for said song shows zombies being risen from the grave and dancing with Michael.
A "Just Say No" advert used the song "Beat It," featuring a bunch of teenagers getting in an accident.
"Billie Jean," not only lays out the reason for covering up Paul's death, ("don't go around breaking young girls' hearts) but declares that William Eugene Campbell is an impostor if we reverse the gender of the title ho of the song, "Billy Gene is not my lover."

This can only lead to the inevitable conclusion that Michael Jackson raised Paul McCartney from the dead and that Paul then went back in time to prevent his own death while instructing his past self to keep everything the way it was. This accounts for Paul's domineering attitude toward his bandmates in the later years.

Paul McCartney can fly

We see him do it in the videos for "Off the Ground" and "Your Loving Flame." It's uncertain if he can take off without help, but once he's in the air, he can fly skillfully and even hover.

Well of course he can, he's dead. Angel wings and all.
- Or he's just good at missing the ground.
Of course he could fly. After all, he's got Wings. But even after he lost his Wings around 1980, he could fly. The Wings were decorative.
- The above troper wins one internet.

Paul McCartney is dead, and Billy Campbell has orchestrated everything

A mysterious man by the name of William Shears Campbell saw how lucrative The Beatles were and decided that he needed a bit of the action. To do this, he ensured that an "accident" would befall Paul. Knowing that the Beatles were arguing more and more, he waited for a session where Paul would become angry enough to storm out, and then cut the brakes on his car. He succeeded in killing Paul. Then he waited for the right opportunity to present an idea to the grief-stricken Beatles, manager Brian Epstein, and EMI: he bore an impeccable likeness to Paul and had musical skills, and so he roped them into the charade of his becoming Paul. Billy Campbell was a megalomaniac, and so he couldn't help but gloat about more-or-less taking over the Beatles; thus, he started to plant clues in the albums that indicated Paul was dead. He also figured that if he did this, the Conspiracy Theory would sound so patently stupid, it wouldn't be taken seriously in the long run. His plan worked, but he developed a Gambit Roulette to seize full control. He made sure things got worse for the Beatles until he could effectively disband them. He couldn't let Brian Epstein stand in his way, so he made sure Epstein had a drug overdose. While Billy waited for his time to come, John Lennon began to feel guilt for covering up Paul's death; for this reason, Billy Campbell arranged to have Lennon assassinated. Campbell didn't have the foresight for handling Michael Jackson, though. Campbell never expected Jackson to actually take that advice to buy the publishing rights to the Beatles' catalogue, which deprived Campbell of its money. Incensed, Campbell started a subtle and manipulative campaign to discredit and destroy Michael Jackson's life. Free of the people who stood in his way, knowing that George Harrison's health was slowly declining, and knowing that Ringo wouldn't say anything, he decided to ride the Beatles train for as much as he could, reaping as much money as he could, knowing that one day he will be the only one standing.

So what you're proposing is basically a musical real-life Forrest Gump from hell?
How, exactly, does the OP know all this?

Paul is a vampire.

Paul is dead and loving it. Although he did die in a car crash in 1966, he was not replaced. He returned shortly after his death, as a vampire. The clues sprinkled throughout the albums were not trying to tell fans that Paul was dead and gone but that he was undead ... and still an active member of the band.

The famous "girl in the blue dress" was in fact the vampire who 'turned' Paul. Was it just a split second decision to save his life after their car crashed? Or did she plan it all, hoping to make him her vampiric mate? We may never know.
When officially debunking the rumour that Paul was "dead," the Beatles' statement was, "...Paul is still very much with us." The magazine that first debunked the rumor uses the same words. Not "alive," but "very much with us." In other words, Paul wasn't "dead" in the sense the conspiracy theory said, but they couldn't technically call a vampire "alive" either.
Paul was the "pretty" Beatle, and had some influence over women, a la Dracula or Edward Cullen. While it's true he had these traits before his death, they increased afterwards, hence his portrayal in Yellow Submarine.
The subtle differences in Paul's appearance after the crash can be explained by his vampiric transformation. His later "aging" has two possible explinations:
- (1) He is literally a vegetarian vampire, taking care not to kill any living being he sucks blood from. Because he isn't drinking quite as much blood as a vampire should, and also spends far too much time in the sun ^note, he appears to be "aging" like a living person.
- (2) He uses vampiric magic to make himself appear to have aged, but really looks the same way he did in 1966.
Now, for the clues. Naturally, after his death, Paul feared his mates wouldn't want anything more to do with him; after all, how could an undead blood-sucking monster ever be welcome among the icons of peace, love and sunshine? But the other Beatles would not stop supporting their friend just because of his new condition. However, just for fun, they sprinkled messages about this throughout their subsequent works...
- Firstly, the clues in the album covers: while it's true that there may be small background images depicting Paul apart from the rest of the group, the central images all show the "dead" Paul enclosed by the others, signifying that he is very much still part of the group. On the Abbey Road cover, the "funeral" procession has the "corpse" walking along with all the "living" members, rather than being carried by them. He's also holding a cigarette. The completely-dead generally don't continue activities like smoking, but an un-dead person could. He's holding it in the "wrong" hand for the same reason he is out of step with the others; he's still living live like they are, but from the "other side", so to speak.
  - The line of cars that runs "through" Paul's head signifies the crash that killed him ... and how he walked away from death relatively fine.
  - The background image of one man standing on the opposite side of the road from three others signifies that yes, Paul and his mates are on "opposite sides" of the road between life and death. But the main four are all crossing that road together. Interestingly, they're all walking towards the side where the "dead" figure is standing on. One might argue that this is part of the "funeral procession," that the band is just walking their friend "home" just to drop him off in his grave; but if that were the case, should't Paul be in front? Answer: it's not a "funeral" at all. It's just Paul's mates sticking by him, even when he has to make some unpleasant stops at Purgatory or the graveyard.
- On the "Yesterday and Today" cover, Paul's in a "coffin," but the other boys aren't posed as if they're saying goodbye to him. They're surrounding him, in casual stationary poses, as if they have no intention of going anywhere. The fact that the "coffin's" door is wide opened represents Paul is still interacting with the living.
- Sergent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is packed with death imagery on its cover, but once again, the main four are shown with Paul enclosed by the others. He's wearing an icy blue band uniform, while the others are in "warm" colors, to signify his icy new body temperature; but he is still a part of the band.
  - The hidden word "Lies" refers to Paul having to lie about his nature, as it would be very dangerous for him if the public knew he was a vampire. (Bear in mind that this was in the 1960s, back when vampires were still "bad guys" in mainstream literature and movies.)
- So, whether he's having a kip in his coffin, strolling barefoot across a scorching blacktop that doesn't affect him, or just being his icey-blue room temperature on a hot summer's day, he is still an active and loved member of the group.
Now onto the backmasking messages:
- In "I'm So Tired" played backwards, Lennon is saying "Paul's a dead man." But the next line is not "Miss him, miss him." It's actually "It's him! It's him." As in, Paul's dead, but it's still him. It's not an impostor. And you're not a monster, Paul. We don't care that you now sprout pointy teeth at night; you're still our Paul.
- "Turn me on, Dead Man" sounds like a Beatle addressing a friend at a party, just asking casually for a light.
- "I buried Paul" is the only one that throws a wrench in this whole theory, as vampires generally aren't buried after climbing into their coffins. But when have the Beatles ever done what was normal? It would be just like John, George and Ringo to bury their vampiric mate's coffin during one of his kips, either as a prank, or because they were extremely high and just thought it was the proper thing to do at the time.
"Here's another clue for you all...the walrus was Paul." Even if the walrus really is a symbol of death in some culture somewhere, why not choose a more obvious animal like a black cat, black dog, or bat? Well a bat would be too obvious; they don't want vampire-hunters catching on. But a walrus will be just obvious enough to vampires and their friends. Basically, by calling Paul "the walrus" the Beatles are saying he has "tusks" (fangs!).
- John also says, just before that line, that he and the Walrus are "as close as can be man," with a happy tone. Again, implying that Paul has not been lost in any sense, and is still right here with them.
- The chanting at the end of "I Am the Walrus" sounds like "Ha-ha, Paul is dead!" if you hear it clearly.

Paul's death was a metaphorical, spiritual death so he could be spiritually reborn, like the phoenix.

Paul McCartney died in 1966 or thereabouts—but was not allowed to stay gone.

After that unwanted car crash, EMI and the British government itself was in a panic: after all, the Beatles had been their prime export. The secret formula for getting King Arthur to return was broken out—and then modified when they realized Paul's ancestry can be traced to King Arthur: why not just call Paul himself? (Yes, that ancestry goes through Mordred—it can't be helped.) They were able to pull Paul back out of the afterlife. He still sometimes shows unworldly/otherworldy traits... For some reason, the need for Paul McCartney has been continual—either he hasn't been allowed to go back to the afterlife, or he keeps getting summoned here when he tries.

What do you mean the above post wasn't made on drugs??

Paul McCartney is the only surviving member of The Beatles

They never did replace Pete Best; Ringo was just an actor. Plus this theory wins based solely on the irony of it.

Doesn't look like Ringo to me in his Wikipedia photo. Come on, you've seen Robert Klein's stand-up, haven't you? We all know that Ringo Starr isn't Pete Best: he's really secretly Yassir Arafat!
Alternatively, everyone but Paul and Ringo died; but Ringo's career is dead, so you may as well count him too.
Because he drains all future regenerations from the other Beatles, he arranged for a few little assassinations...
He killed the others, and then started the "Paul is dead" rumors to throw everyone off his track.
Batman had the idea first. Yes, he did.

Alternatively, WE'RE all dead, but Paul McCartney is alive.

Does this mean Paul McCartney is Shinji and Instrumentality was an instant-upload Matrix?
- Yes to the second. The Generation Gap happened because Paul altered the programming of reality somewhat, and there was a debate for a while about whether this Matrix was an improvement or not. The end of The '60s and its idealism was a severe programming error, though not yet so severe as to crash the program... Paul has his own Author Avatar running around in the program, of course - with the musician's equivalent of a Battle Aura.
  - This absolutely has something to do with why the Sixties and only the Sixties are known as the (musical) British Invasion. (There were also Loads And Loads of English bands popular in America in the 80's and 90's — but because of the McCartney-based Matrix, we're meant to ignore this.)
- Ubik?
  - "Reversion to earlier, more primitive forms" might explain why the mono mixes were so prized.

Paul is an angel of Death.

Prophetic epiphenies about deaths? Check. Friends around him dying like crazy (Ringo never was his friend)? Check. Purposefully hinted Easter Eggs for his supposed death just for kicks? Check for sure. He's an angel of Death, and he likes his job.

He could be Death and dead; that's touched on in WMG Poison Oak Epileptic Trees.

Paul is a Shinigami and is using a Gigai

He is dead, but he never was alive to start with. The accident caused a few problems to the one who built his aging gigai and everything (Urahara?), but that was fixed pretty quick.

Paul was dead until the Millenium Earl brought him back.

Let's hope he doesn't shoot blood bullets...
- He uses his fame to draw in Paparazzi and then kill the Paparazzi to evolve further. Based on the amount of time he has been dead, a Level 4 Akuma answers to the name Paul McCartney...that is just plain Nightmare Fuel.
- On further research — judging from the D.Gray-Man entry in Replicant Snatching — this means that Paul McCartney is the Millenium Earl. Yikes!
- Or Paul grieved for someone and then the Earl appeared to him. Paul called out the name. Thus, Paul = Akuma. Just to add to the fiendish machinations, in one of the Beatles songs with a mysterious ending, the part at the end sounds eerily like Road Kamelot's song. So Paul is an Akuma and his manager is Road in disguise.

Paul is not dead; he is possessed by Azazel

<shakes head sadly>
- It kinda makes sense. Maybe he changed because he was spending his time making psychic children... Great, now we all need Brain Bleach.

Alternatively, Paul is dead, but Van Hohenheim was such a fan that he decided to look like Paul

Or...Paul is dead, but was brought back to life by a Black Lantern Ring.

But — the one we have now seems more emotional than the original, not less...
- Its a trick by Nekron to get us all hopeful...and then rip out the hearts. You Bastard!, Nekron

Julian Lennon was Paul via Freaky Friday

Hey Jude was written for Julian under the name "Hey Jules" which he did "not find out about 20 years later. But in reality, a incident involving copious amounts of LSD and Cannabis a rubber duck, a piece of paper with the words "A born lever puller", and a lock of Linda Eastman's hair which caused them to switch bodies, and Julian Lennon is actually Paul, who wrote the song in secret after experiencing John's divorce from their son's point of view, and had Paul McCartney/Julian Lennon perform the song. Then subsequently switched back in time to record the rest of "the Beatles."

Everything about the classic "Paul Is Dead" theory is true — except for Paul dying and being replaced

Suppose that Paul was in a car crash like the one in that theory, but lived. Odds are, he'd need to be surgically reconstructed to look like himself. And in the 1960s, even state-of-the-art isn't gonna be absolutely perfect.

So, this explains changes in looks and personality (Paul would've had one heck of a concussion). It also explains how he is able to remember things he shouldn't be able to if he wasn't him, and how he can fail to remember things that any Beatles fan can look up in our Big Book of Independent Beatles Resources of choice. And it explains why no one dared argue that this wasn't Paul; after all, it was!

Pretty believable. "He blew his mind out in a car"—not his head, not his skull, not his brain, but his mind. Adding to this, the other Beatles decided he was as good as dead and buried since he was no longer the same and started hiding the clues. When he found out, he naturally got so furious at them that he walked out, breaking up the band.

The classic Paul Is Dead theories are irrelevant

Maybe they were relevant when they started, but they sure aren't now...

If the classic Paul Is Dead theories are true, then the original Paul died no later than 1966. We know the Paul we have now much better than the original, and we have known him for longer. Since no one who survives from the era when the original Paul was alive and who knew the original Paul dares suggest that the Paul we have isn't real, for whatever reason, we might as well treat him as real.

This applies only to classic Paul Is Dead theories. There's no point in worrying whether the person answering to the name "Paul McCartney" is the original Paul McCartney if the alternative is that he's some other person who happens to look like him and sing really well. But if there's a serious chance that the person who answers to "Paul McCartney" is an evil demon incarnate (which two of the above guesses amount to), then it matters a hell of a lot!

Addendum: the original was not Paul McCartney, but some other guy. The Beatles then used their music to make the world forget that Paul was not one of the originals. The hints refer to the death of Paul McCartney's predecessor.

Paul's not dead, and the band dropped the hints that started the rumour as a practical joke.

It's a more likely explanation than either Paul's death being successfully hushed up without any of his next-of-kin speaking out at some point in the last four decades, or all those hints being a complete coincidence. It also allows fans to hunt for "Paul Is Dead" clues without guilt. The Beatles wanted us to find them!

Paul was dead, but was retconned back to life

And the retcon made us all forget he was ever dead. Including him.

Retconned by whom? God?
- It was retconned by a huge Paul fanboy who got into some dark stuff. Too bad about that whole "equivalent plus" exchange thing, which was one poetically relevant human life and having your most beloved subject change to The Catcher in the Rye.
- Retconned by the Walrus, that's who. And not the one who was Paul. Or the one who was John. Or the one from Scamper the Penguin.
- It was Michael Jackson. Duh.
- Jackson wills it.

John was Paul.

Think about it. John said he was the walrus in "I Am The Walrus." Then he said the walrus was Paul in "Glass Onion." If John is the walrus and the walrus is Paul, then John must be Paul!

Additionally, in Glass Onion, John says that he told us about the Fool on the Hill, while that was one of pferences to her, (she's at least 60, remember), she took it as teasing. So, she asked Youmu to kill them.

That explains why John died first...

The number nine has nothing to do with anything at all.

It's not inconceivable that 9 is a random number picked out of the blue for Revolution #9, and nobody froze on 9/9/09, so...

Word of God from Lennon has it that he uses that number in his songs so much because he likes the number since it's the "ultimate" one: after 9 everything resets.

Paul killed the other Beatles

He then started the rumors that he was dead to throw everyone off his trail.

Paul did not die, but made a botched suicide attempt.

Everything prior to Revolver was mostly John's work (even Revolver itself was evenly split, though more in Paul's favor), and Paul got so clinically depressed when the group ended concert performances that he just wanted to end it all. The motorcycle crash he was in was an accident that severely injured him, but he survived it.

Paul is dead, and the current Paul is a homunculus created by a failed attempt at human transmutation by John

I know someone already had an FMA-related theory, but this was too good to pass up. We know, for example, because of King Bradley/Pride that it's possible to create homunculi that can age like normal humans, and it also conforms with various supposed "Paul is Dead" hints in the songs and album covers:

a) Him being out of step with everyone on Abbey Road - to show that he's out of step with humanity because he's not a real human
b) Dressed as the walrus on Magical Mystery Tour (and "The walrus was Paul" lyric on "Glass Onion") - perhaps in the pose he had it would reveal his telltale Ourobouros tattoo, so they needed to conceal it by having him wear a full-body costume
c) "Can you take me back where I came from" from "Cry Baby Cry" - a reference to the fact that Paul comes from The Gate

Also I amended the theory to make it John because the Gate has to take something from someone. The Gate took part of John's eyesight, which is why he wears glasses from 1967 onward. (I'm the same person as before, created a new account to change my username.)

Paul is a Skrull replacement!

Paul faked his own secret death.

Self-explanatory.

Paul was already dead.

Same as the above theory, except that Paul was already a vampire long before joining the Beatles. He worked to keep his true nature a secret from his mates, fearing an undead blood-sucking creature of the night would not be welcome amongst the singers of love and sunshine. The grizzly car accident blew his secret, when he "survived" injuries that only a vampire could. When his secret was blown, not only did his mates not abandon him, but John and George revealed they'd known all along, because "it was kind of obvious mate." The only one left surprised was Ringo, because of course he was. The gang then inserted "clues" into their albums to show their support for their mate and all their undead fans, in a way that authorities and monster-slayers would hopefully not catch onto.

Paul's death was actually figurative and metaphorical.

It marked the death of the "old" Paul, who was essentially "killed," along with the others, after they quit touring.

Paul's "death" was actually intended for Ringo.

Apparently, Paul got hold of a note by Pete Best that was not intended for him. See below for more details.

Paul is not dead, and the "hidden messages" are just coincidence.

The rumour is just a misconception; the messages just happen to be there.

The Life and Death of John Lennon

Mark Chapman is a Blue Meanie.

It's obvious.

Mark Chapman was hired by Ronald Reagan to kill John

You see, John would have started a liberal movement that took over the country in the late 80's. Reagan was doomed to be impeached and removed rom office, so Reagan made MDC go back in time and kill John.

John Lennon was a woman.

But the cover of "Two Virgins", ahem, clearly shows us that he wasn't...
- O RLY?
- The obvious corollary, which handily clears up the above issue, is that Yoko Ono was secretly a man.

John Lennon was a psyker

He was the primary writer of "Revolution 9," and a theory on this page asserts that the song is by a psyker.

All of John's Cloud Cuckoolander behavior and drug abuse were caused by Slaanesh whispering in his mind and telling him to do things.

John Lennon was actually a time traveller from the future

Much of the Beatles' output was highly innovative for the time. This came about because John Lennon actually travelled from the future with a vast musical repertoire (much of which would have been unknown to a twentieth-century musician) in order to meet his all-time favourite songwriter � Paul McCartney (who, in the original timeline, was only a moderately successful performer but a great songwriter) � and convince him to form a band. The results quite literally changed the course of human history.

Mark Chapman was actually a time cop who was sent to stop Lennon from changing the original timeline. However, even time cops get it wrong sometimes. Having mistakenly travelled to 1980 (way too late to prevent Lennon�s time meddling), he improvised by killing him without even trying to make it look like an accident. For this, he was punished by being prevented from returning to his own time.
Most of the fans at the Shea Stadium gig were also time travellers (albeit not from Lennon's original timeline) who wanted to see a live Beatles performance. For time travellers who are into music, this would be an experience as desirable as space tourism. This explains why George visited the USA before and noted that the Beatles were not very famous there.

John Lennon became an atheist because he had a bad acid trip influenced by the Book of Revelation.

The symbolism in that book is pretty freaky, almost everyone has a Bible lying around, and it's perfectly likely that John would, on a whim, decide to read Revelation to supplement his acid trip. It also makes total sense that, when faced with the decision to give up either religion or acid, he would part more easily with the former.

John Lennon was raised by walruses

Goo goo g'joob

John Lennon was warned of his death by a time traveller

That's why he was such a free spirit; he knew what was going to happen, that he would not die from a drug overdose. He knew he'd be shot in 1980 and planned accordingly - spend plenty of time with his young son, then make one last big album to be released just before his murder in order to secure his musical legacy.

Yoko hired Mark Chapman to kill John Lennon

Maybe Yoko understood that her limited artistic abilities could not possibly fuel her overwhelming ambitions to win fame and prestige. Her various art projects would always be overshadowed by comparisons to the work of Lennon and the Beatles, and as "that bitch who broke up the Beatles", she would find her artistic efforts to be forever blocked by resentful barriers.

Yoko's attempts to gain more cultural prominence would have required the full support and willful, focused effort of a determined John Lennon. But the John Lennon that Yoko was chained to was a mellow, satisfied house-husband who lacked all ambition, content watching the wheels. But a divorce from the beloved ex-Beatle would remove her from the dazzling cone of publicity that still surrounded Lennon. The possibility that Yoko might become a footnote like Cynthia Powell must have been intolerable.
The possible flip side of John Lennon as house-husband was that he must have been very easy to manage and influence. But if Lennon happened to patch things up with the other guys in the Beatles, Yoko might find her influence waning. And Julian was beginning to hang around. Could Yoko be absolutely sure than Lennon might not decide to give Cynthia a ring for old times' sake?
The public's perception of John Lennon had come to reluctantly include Yoko Ono in that picture. That perception would be infinitely easier to maintain if John wasn't around to ruin it. And, hell - maybe she just didn't want to be a mommy/wife to what she might have seen as a acid-casualty manchild who was absolutely disinterested in doing his part to put Yoko Ono on the cover of People magazine. What was the man good for?
What would it take for Yoko to step out of Lennon's shadow and yet stay in the spotlight? Was there a way for her to persuade a previously dismissive or hostile audience to view her work a bit more sympathetically? Could she engineer a situation in which she became the foremost arbiter of the Meaning and Memory of John Lennon - and thereby permanently secure her own, unassailable place as Someone Who Matters?
Was Lennon's public execution the best thing to happen to Yoko Ono's career?

MDC killed John Lennon because he believed that he was a Communist.

Perhaps he thought "Lennon vs. Lenin" and suspected this. Lennon himself described his most famous solo track, "Imagine," as "virtually the Communist Manifesto, even though I'm not particularly a Communist and I do not belong to any movement."

Other Character Theories

The Beatles were the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Think about it:

Death: Paul. Paul is Dead, etc. Fits in with the above Shinigami/Death God theories too.

War: John. Think about it: The last place you'd expect to find War is with peace activists, right? That and maybe he was lazy. Or, just because he was War, it doesn't mean he had to like his job, right?

"I came not to bring peace, but a sword."

Pestilence: Ringo. Have you looked at his medical history? Plus, he replaced one of the earlier members, Conquest. (Wait, Conquest, Pete Best...)

Famine: George. Process of elimination, mostly, but also he was kinda tiny. Or... Something.

He was interested in India, which suffers from famines?
- He felt starved of recognition due to being overshadowed by Lennon and McCartney for most of the bands run?

So basically, the Horsemen are pleasant guys who wanted a break from their unpleasant jobs, so they incarnated on Earth and formed a band, and became incredibly popular, and so on.

... That, or we may be in trouble soon.

Lennon was Famine (his angst over being the not the Thin One and his subsequent heroin addiction). George was the Quiet One because he was always at war with himself over what to say, and often ended up saying nothing. While My Guitar Gently Weeps is the bemoaning of him being the central node of all the trouble that was going on, and that he wished he could just play. "The problems you serve are the troubles you're reaping", a line which was eventually cut, was a too-overt reference to him being War while he (along with the other band members) was troubled by war.
It might be a bit late to point this out, but this is more or less exactly what Charles Manson believed. The Beatles were the four horseman, and had the four keys. He was the fifth, and their music was an attempt to seek him out and "activate" him. Helter Skelter was about a race war that would destroy civilization, and the Manson Murders were an attempt to bring the Helter Skelter about. who knew WMG and Charles Manson had so much in common... Coincidence? Or something more?
It should be noted that the proper order of the four horsemen is War, Famine, Pestilence, Death. John Lennon AKA War died first. George Harrison AKA Famine died next. So we're either halfway through with defeating the horsemen or we're halfway to the Apocalypse.

George Harrison is The Pyro

He never died. In order to save himself from his illnesses brought on by smoking, he donned a life support suit. However, an awful accident while he was meditating sent him back in time to the 60's, where he was forced into servitude by The Announcer. Although unable to speak clearly, both due to the suit and his illnesses, his musical talent extends to his melee weapon taunts. Here Comes The Sun indeed!

The Beatles are insect enthusiasts

Specifically, beetles. But they don't want to make it too obvious and their band name "The Beatles" is a result of a Pun that one of the musicians came up with.

Ringo Starr is now, also, a vampire

As explained in the "Paul is Dead" section, Paul is a vampire. When Ringo was around 60, he became one as well, hence why he not only looks shockingly good for 79, but is also surprisingly active and up to date on modern technology. What caused Ringo's death? Maybe it was a hoard of fangirls he could no longer outrun, who trampled him. Maybe Thomas & Friends rebelled against their human oppressors, in a bloody train rebellion that left hundreds dead on both sides. Maybe the octopus whose garden he loved to visit accidentilly hugged him too tightly and suffocated him. Maybe his drum set fell over, who knows. However it happened, Ringo was killed/fatally wounded. Paul didn't hesitate to save his friend, and make him a blood relative. Since then, Ringo hasn't aged a day over 60. He now wears sunglasses to hide his bloodread vampiric eyes. (Paul has more experience being a vampire and learned to hide them with his undead magic.)

In 2015, Ringo posted a photo on Twitter of his bare (75-year-old) feet. The last time a Beatle showed off his bare feet, it was to tell us all that he was dead! Count Ringo was just making a Call-Back.

Pete Best has been making attempts on Ringo's life since 1962

...and Ringo, being Ringo, is still completely oblivious. Best's attempts to end his replacement include the following:

11 Sep 1962: Best hires Andy White as a hitman to kill Ringo and replace him as a temporary drummer. White does not bring any weapons, however, because he figures that they would be confiscated, and Ringo's life is spared.
1962: Best tries killing Ringo with a poisoned candy apple; but Ringo's immune system has had years of childhood illnesses to strengthen up, and the attempt fails. So Pete plots to get more creative...
1964: Pete Best sends Richard Starkey an invitation to a casino club, where a hitman will be waiting for him. However, manager Brian Epstein won't let Ringo go, and Paul's grandfather steals the invitation and goes in Ringo's place. (Fortunately, the hit-men knew what Ringo looked like, so Paul's grandfather wasn't in any danger of being killed in his place.)
1965: Pete talks an Indian Beatles fangirl into mailing Ringo her sacred Sacrificial Ring. However, her older sister intervenes, and Ringo is not disemboweled as Pete Best hoped; though he is briefly (har har) de-pants-ed, suffering a taste of the shame Best has had to live with for the last three years.
1966: After returning from touring, Ringo is sent a note saying: "I AM COMING FOR YOU. P.B.". He does not get to read it, however, because Paul McCartney looks at it first, realises what's going on and tries to reason with his former bandmate. This leads to a car "accident" and rumours of Paul's "death".
1967: Following the release and success of Sgt. Pepper, the group celebrates by going out to the bar, where Ringo orders "two lagers and lime and two lagers and lime." Little does Ringo know that his own drink has some LSD in it^note, and later that night he dreams up the events of Magical Mystery Tour in an awful hallucination.
1968: After reading the children's book Babar, Pete gets the idea to use poisonous mushrooms. He arrives at the Beatles' doorstep dressed as a Pizza Hutt driver, with a mushroom pizza ordered for them as a gift from an anonymous "fan." Naturally, Pete got the wrong kind of illegal mushrooms. The events of Yellow Submarine are what followed.
1969: Pete Best pays the Mafia to take Ringo out on a boat and send him for a swim with cement shoes. Ringo (still enjoying the effects of the mushroom pizza from the year before, in addition to the rest of The '60s) thanks the friendly businessmen for the boat ride and the groovy new stilettos, before being tossed overboard. He lands in an octopus's garden. The animal takes a brief taste of the drummer before detecting the various dangerous substances in his body, and tosses him back onto land, leaving Ringo with a new idea for a song.
1974: Best tries poison a few more times, with various drugs and alcohol, which he delivers while disguised as various beautiful women (mustache still present), but Ringo is now fighting his addictions, and sings "No-No" to all the tempting offers.
1979: Pete poisons Ringo's drink, still underestimating Ringo's immune system. The resulting illness is mistaken for childhood health problems resurfacing, and Ringo gets life saving surgery...
...so while he recovers in hospital, Pete sneaks in dressed as a sexy nurse with a matching eye-patch (mustache still present) and walks to Ringo's room with a poisoned injection, whistling "Twisted Nerve." Just before he is about to administer the fatal shot into Ringo's nose, the drummer bursts awake from a dream screaming "NO AUTOGRAPHS!" knocking Pete out a window.
1980: Hearing that one of the Beatles is in New York City, Pete suggests him as a target to a certain deranged lunatic seeking fame via murder. But Pete's voice is barely audible as always, so the gunman doesn't hear the right name and just goes for the most famous of Pete's former bandmates.
1981: Pete, with the help of the two mad scientists from Help!, sends Ringo back in time to prehistoric years, hoping that he'll be eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger or something. Instead Ringo invents fire and music, and returns to the twentieth Century with his new wife Barbara Bach.
1984: Best ties Ringo to railroad tracks, not realizing that some trains are sentient. While Thomas, Gordon and the others debate what to do about this obstruction on their tracks, the ensnared Beatle makes some comments about how their teamwork and mechanisms could be improved. They realize they have found the new Conductor they've been searching for, and Ringo gets a new job.
Sometime in the mid-1990s: Ringo actually dies, but vampire Paul McCartney is able to 'change' his friend at the last minute, causing Ringo to physically revert in age and become seemingly indestructible. Pete, who now has a bit of extra cash thanks to the Anthology project, goes all Van Helsing, making various attempts with sunlight, garlic, silver bullets, crucifixes and stakes, only to learn that none of these have any effect on the now-undead drummer.
2006: While in Fiji, Best overhears that a stoned British rock star is tripping out in a coconut tree. Hoping the tropical sun might be enough to disintegrate the vampiric ex-Beatle, or at least weaken him enough to die in the fall, Pete runs to the tree and shakes its trunk, aiming to dislodge the hiding vampire from the shade of the leaves. He shakes the tree until the star falls out, but it's not the Starr he was aiming for! Keith survives the fall (possibly due to him also being a vampire).
2008: Pete plans to mail Ringo a bomb disguised as a Yellow Submarine figurine made by an adoring fan, set to detonate when Ringo opens it. But the day he's about to mail his fiendish thingy, Ringo releases his "no more autographs" video on YouTube. Pete rushes to get his weapon mailed within the given due date, but in his haste, mis-writes the address, and blows the rock home of a different "Starr" in Bikini Bottom instead.
2012: Pete makes his move on Leap Year Day. Unlike his previous attempts, he actually kills a celebrity this time — but it turns out he's got the wrong 60's music icon.
2016: Pete takes up the dark arts, invoking a vicious Voodoo curse in order to kill Ringo. Because he speaks so inaudibly, however, the Voodoo gods get the wrong guy. Undeterred, Pete continues with this, resulting in the deaths of several high-profile celebrities who aren't Ringo Starr. As 2016 draws to a close, the Voodoo gods become fed up with Pete, granting him one last try on New Year's Eve, following which they will refuse to help him any more. In this final attempt, they once again gets the wrong person.
2019: Following the release of Yesterday, the Beatles are back in the public eye, and Best figures he might be able to use the fanbase as a weapon. So he attempts to badmouth Ringo with a provoking clickbait article (written under a fake pen name obviously), making it appear as if Ringo has "brutally disrespected" Paul McCartney, hoping this will lead to a hoard of angry fans tearing the undead drummer limb from limb. However, no one falls for it.

WMG / The Beatles

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