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Funny / Queen of All Oni

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  • The Dream Sequence from the third Interlude chapter is a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, but it's still the most hilarious part of the story to date. To sum up: Jade bursts into Shendu's palace in order to challenge for the position of Arch-Enemy, only to realize she's not wearing pants. She and Shendu (who's now a short-order cook) then argue over whether this violates the palace (which is now a diner)'s "No shirts, no shoes, no service policy", and drag Daolon Wong (now a waiter) and Valmont (now a busboy) into it. When Valmont merely states that he hates them all, Shendu says that that's not an answer and sets him on fire. They then decide to ask management, which turns out to be Tarakudo — the real Tarakudo, who's trying to communicate with Jade in her sleep, and is confused as to what's going on, so he just sides with Jade. She then proceeds to eat a popcorn bowl-sized bowl of ramen, during which she thoroughly ignores Tarakudo's attempts to talk to her, before running off, saying she's got to get some paperwork to Captain Black. Shendu then chases after her, squashing the confused Tarakudo in the process; he decides he's had enough and leaves, as Jade wakes up and the dream dissolves... except, for some reason, Valmont, who's still on fire.
  • The story has some other moments, most notably when Jade tries to steal the first tablet from the sages, and Brother White repeatedly throws her and Hak Foo out through the walls. At one point she says that she's had enough of it and that it won't happen again — so he promptly throws her through the roof (Brother Dark matter-of-factly says he won't be the one to fix it).
    Hak Foo: "Snake kick!"
    Brother White: "But snakes have no legs."
    Hak Foo: "Bull charges!"
    Brother White: "Sorry, I'm not as quick on the take as you. Where do you get these names, young man?"
    Hak Foo: "You mock me?!
    Brother White: "Just curious."
    • At one point during this sequence, Jade finds Hak Foo calmly waiting for Brother White to make the first move, in order to try and get the upper hand. We then get this exchange:
    "Cougar watches grass grow," Hak Foo stated. Jade's left eye started twitching as something snapped in her head.
    "No it doesn't! If cougar won't be helping, it will go back down and beat up my uncle!" Jade roared, pointing towards the door.
    • After that, White has something to say.
    "Did you have to do that? He is such an entertaining young man, nice hair too. I can see why you keep him around"
    • After this, Jade outright demands White give her the tablet, and when he does, saying she should have just asked, we get this amusing rant:
      "I know what you're doing! It's a trap, isn't it?! Once I take it some huge boulder will chase me. Or wait! This whole mountain is really a volcano and it will start to erupt after I take it! We'll all end up fighting as we ride rubble down the eruption, fighting over the tablet and it will get lost in the lava just when I think I've won! Well you know what? Screw you and your volcano, I'm taking it anyway!"
      • And then none of that happens, and an embarrassed Jade runs off with the tablet. She then stops to issue one last threat... only for the tablet to throw her off balance and send her falling down the hill again.
    • When Right reveals his newfound ability to speak, Finn loudly cheers while Ratso and Chow reveal their wallets. Apparently Finn made a bet against them whatever the Shadowkhan would start speaking or not.
  • Ratso's attempts to activate his mask.
  • When Ikazkui's mask is fished out of the ocean, Jade offers to pay the fisherman plenty to take it off his hands. The fisherman freaks out and runs away. Jade's response?
    "Spaz much? I said take it off his hands, not take off his hands."
    • Later, when Ikazuki takes full control of his host, he states that everyone should kneel to his "mighty form" — and then realizes that his host is Chow, the shortest of the Enforcers.
    Ikazuki: This won't do at all.
    • And between those two moments, we have the fight at the airport. Among other things, Tohru accidentally hitting Uncle with a suitcase.
    Uncle: Whose side are you on, Tohru?!
    • When Viper delivers Ratso a Groin Attack, he calls it unnecessary roughness before passing out.
    • When Ikazuki first meets Jackie and challenges him to a duel, Jackie flees, much to Ikazuki's chagrin.
    Ikazuki: What? Get back here so I can destroy you properly!
    Jackie: Not thank you, not today!
    As the chase continues
    Ikazuki: Cease fleeing and fight! What manner of sacred warrior flees in the face of battle?!
  • In an early chapter, when Jade denies plans to Take Over the World, she jokingly says she'll settle for Australia. When the Enforcers take her seriously, she snaps:
    "THAT WAS A JOKE, YOU DOORKNOBS! I mean really, take over a country? Why not just put up a giant sign with big glowing letters, 'Here I am, please magic me into a mayonnaise jar for a thousand years'?"
    • Left's attempts at breaking the Dog talisman, though mostly because we here about most of them second hand from Finn.
      • And because we catch Left being about to try and blow it up with a ton of dynamite.
      • Valmont and the Enforcers' reactions to Jade ordering the talisman's destruction.
    • The Enforcers' brief conversation with the imprisoned Shendu while they're stealing the Talismans.
    • Jade saying that Daolon Wong's "in the closet" and Ratso assuming it means something else.
  • The name debate over Operation Steel Lightning. The Shadow Hand point out that the name makes no sense, and start suggesting random other names (all of which do make sense in hindsight), until Jade can't take it anymore, at which point she assigns Chow (who interrupts her) the codename "Bonkers" in order to make a point, then leaves the room in a huff. And the Enforcers comment that she's still a better boss than Shendu.
    • Jade's attempts to get Ozeki's mask off the totem pole, including arguing with it. Mostly because the Enforcers are watching, and can only hear her side of the conversation.
    • Black's reaction to the Sumo Khan Human Ladder. Likewise, Jade's reaction to Ozeki's fanatical Undying Loyalty.
    • Jackie contemplating whether to tell Viper that she's starting to smell like the onions she's always carrying around, then deciding that it doesn't matter, since Uncle will likely blurt it out at some point.
    (thought) "Wait, why am I giving Uncle the opportunity to be rude?"
    • Ozeki's reaction to meeting Jackie:
    "Jackie Chan – your name floats through the sleeping darkness of the world. Both a curse and praises for laying low so many. I thought you'd be taller."
    • Viper performing a Groin Attack on the Ozeki-possessed Captain Black for ripping out some of her hair.
    • Hak Foo attempts to shift Jade's body back into its proper shape after she traps herself in naga form, by wringing her like a towel. When Blankman walks back into the room a few minutes later, Left and Right are holding Hak Foo still while Jade whips him with her "tail".
  • Half of chapter 10 is Hero's comedic-dramatic attempts at retaking control of Jade's mind, which include such gems as his repeated failed attempts at a Rousing Speech, Love being stuffed in a barrel and thrown overboard because no one wants her complicating things, and Hero and the Queen taking the time — while the ship is on the verge of being sucked down a maelstrom, mind you — to knock other Aspects away from the sword that represents control of Jade's mind.
    • The other half of the chapter has its moments. For example, Tarakudo's reaction to seeing that Jade's family is not only not helping her, but completely unaware:
    "Oh, what the Hell! Isn't this supposed to be your thing, heroes?!"
    • Or Left confessing why he keeps using dynamite:
  • Jackie and Tohru's accidental Dynamic Entries into the hidden chamber in Shendu's palace containing Kaito's mask are this with a dose of Awesome — Jackie falls through a hole in the chamber's ceiling, landing on the lid of a chest, which see-saws up and nails Jade on the chin. Hak Foo then attempts to attack Jackie, only for Tohru to fall through the hole as well and squash him. Then Uncle jumps in and smacks Tohru on the head, admonishing him and Jackie for falling during serious business.
  • Any time the Enforcers try to make small talk with the Shadowkhan.
  • There's something deeply hilarious about Shendu and Drago's interaction — they just hate each other so much. Of special note is the part where Shendu says he left Drago sealed away because he hoped it would "build some character" and gives the Drago the impression he'd be casually shrugging if he could.
    • Speaking of Drago, his reaction when he's sent back to the future, chained up, and left at the mercy of a group of Shadowkhan wielding metal baseball bats. And the Matriarch states that that's her being merciful.
    • The elevator scene.
    • The heroes' reaction to Karasu's escape:
    Viper: Well, now I can believe he works for Jade.
    Wisker: We really should make knocking them out standard procedure.
  • The Shadow Hand laying an ambush for the heroes when they go after Kuro's mask by hiding in hidden holes... in the desert, in the middle of the day. By the time the ambush is sprung, Hak Foo and Right are the only ones not suffering from heat exhaustion.
    Viper: Someone didn't think this through.
    • Right blames the above ambush's failure on the humans' lack of finesse. Hak Foo and Finn take offense at this.
    • When Jade announces that she's going trick or treating, Ratso asks where she's going to get a costume on such short notice. Everyone else just stares at him, while he's completely oblivious.
    • Jade throwing live rats at people who either don't give her candy or healthy stuff kinda Crosses the Line Twice.
    • Jackie, distracted by talking to Captain Black, gives some candy to a trick-or-treater... who turns out to be Jade. By the time he realizes this, she's long gone.
    • Hak Foo's reaction when Finn gets Kuro's mask instead of him.
      (Twitchy Eye) "Lion... Lion ROARS IN FURY!"
      • Jade lampshading that Finn got his mask accidentally, the same way Captain Black got Ozeki's.
    • When Jackie shows up to the exchange with backup:
    Finn: I told you to come alone!
    Jackie: ...No you didn't.
    Right: He's right, you were rather vague.
    • Hak Foo defeats Wisker and takes Ozeki's mask, claiming he is now invincible... and the fake mask falls off. You can almost picture the perfect beat during this.
    • Viper kicks Finn in the face during the Prisoner Exchange.
  • Tarakudo's reaction to seeing the Oni Elders face-to-face for the first time, providing some nice Mood Whiplash for an otherwise serious scene.
  • The first time we see the Shadow Hand in their new base, the Enforcers walk past a Shadowkhan vacuuming. Picture that.
    • Speaking of said new base, Jade apparently got the house's ghouls to obey her by threatening to tear down the mansion and erect a taco stand in its place.
  • When the J-Team meet with the Mexican police, one of the photos they have of the Shadow Hand is Ratso trying out an oversized sombrero.
    • Paco's dumbfounded reaction to Blankman's choice of escape craft — a giant paper airplane.
    "You can't be serious?"
    • How Viper cuts off Jade's Evil Gloating by throwing a piece of onion into her mouth.
    • Ratso accidentally admitting that when in the zombie pit, he just closed his eyes and swung his blade while screaming... and then trying to deny it.
    • Nameless realizing Jackie isn't evil is so awkward it's hilarious.
    • Ramirez's driving.
    • Ramirez nonchalantly saying he hates Mondays too when he sees the monsters in the Vault of Endless Night.
    • Jade's habit of giving her plans bizarre code-names continues, as she name drops something called Operation Painted Lemur.
    Tohru: ...Lemur?
    Right: I know what you mean.
  • Tarakudo in chapter 8.
    • After helping Uncle in summoning him and trapping the chi wizard with his own magic, Daolon Wong asked Tarakudo to restore his power and immortality in exchange for freedom.
    Tarakudo: "I'm thinking... no."
    Wong: "What!"
    Tarakudo: "It's just, past failures aside; you don't seem to be in much of a position to aid me. What with an angry sumo about to squash you and everything."
    Cue Tohru (who had been hidden there the whole time in case Daolon Wong did what he did) swatting Wong aside and freeing Uncle.
    • On Wong's inability.
    "Pffh, dark wizards – all talk and always falling short when it comes to actually getting the job done. Why do the talented human wizards that are actually good with magic always going good? Or did I just answer my own question?"
    • Tarakudo stated he was interested in Jade as his queen, in a century or so, and a livid Tohru threw an onion at him. His reaction? An offended "Sheesh, I said a hundred years or so, I do have standards".
    • Upon being foiled in his attempt to stay on the mortal plane:
    "Drat, I was hoping that would work. Ikazuki should have just taken the flame haired warrior and been done with it."
  • While Jade's confronting her father, the Enforcers, Blankman, and Right are playing poker, and quickly realize a problem with the setup.
    Ratso: Someone's cheating.
    Blankman: We are a poker table with three mob enforcers, a wizard who uses enchanted paper, and a magical ninja. The question is not who is cheating, but who is cheating better.
    Blankman: ...The answer is me. (scoops up the winnings)
    • When Jade takes off her father's blindfold, she tries to be dramatic with the big reveal, only for him to not recognize her. This sets her off, ranting about how he completely killed the moment, and that is how he realizes it's her.
    • Then, Shen thinks she's fallen in with cos-players, and it's only when Jade points out that she's floating that he realizes it himself, and has a double-take!
  • The fact that Hebi keeps stealing things.
    • The bit with the X.
    • Jade's reaction to the Mini Khan.
    • Jade getting mad at Hak Foo for ruining her plan to trick the heroes into thinking Viper's Face–Heel Turn was voluntary.
    • Hak Foo's Freak Out over the Mini Khan's apparent uselessness, which Right and Hebi watch while eating popcorn.
    • In a darkly hilarious way, there's Jackie angsting over the fact that even if they restore Jade, they'll probably just get caught up in another adventure, hypothetically wondering if he'll have to stop Zeus' wicked stepbrother from gathering a collection of bottle caps that will destroy the world if put back on their respective bottles.
    • The Enforcers partying at a pub in London to celebrate their newfound freedom, only to then get arrested by Wisker and a number of London policemen.
  • Chapter 16
    • Tohru taking out a number of Hebi's samurai with an enchanted umbrella is more an Awesome moment than a Funny one. But Jade's deadpan pointing this out to Hebi, and Hebi's outrage at such a ludicrous method of fighting her troops, are hilarious.
    • Jade's online auction account? Queen of Awesome. The J-Team instantly recognize she is the other bidder.
      • Not to mention the fact their most intense battle for an Oni Mask being the online auction, something Jackie lampshades.
    • Thanks to Tohru's sutras redirecting Jade's transport spell, she and her minions end up at some kind of farm filled with magic animals, and end up fighting them. We only see bits and pieces of this, but it's apparently one of the toughest fights in the story, leaving Jade very freaked out and frustrated. And then the farmer gets involved...
    Jade:... sure, why not?
    • Jade's reaction when they finally get to Mortimer's mansion and she uses her Genre Savvy to figure out what happened.
    • Jade's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Mortimer is equal parts this and CMOA, what with all Jade's comments on their roles in the story, deriding him as a Big Bad Wannabe, and sending Left to give him a wedgie when he flees.
      • She also tells her minions to steal everything of his that isn't nailed down, then find the power tools and take the stuff that is bolted down as well!
  • Just about everything about Courageous Conrad.
    • His overly detailed stores sign.
    • No Selling Uncle's two-finger slap, for selling to the Shadowkhan, and then cheerfully explaining his True Neutral stance in a way that gives Jackie a headache.
    • Tohru wonders if Uncle is more offended by Conrad's salesmanship style than anything else.
    • When he joins in the fight and boasts about his "genuine anti-evil hunting knives", he apparently feels the need to also mention how much they cost.
  • Hebi's kleptomania continues to be a thing — first, when bragging about how she solved the riddle leading to the last tablet, she helps herself to an apple she apparently snatched from Left, to his annoyance. Later, after her robbing of Conrad leads to him joining the J-Team, Left derisively thinks of her habits... and then his mind drifts to his own obsession with dynamite.
    • Speaking of which, he apparently bought out Conrad's entire supply.
  • In the seventh interlude, the Sages are shown recruiting apprentices by force. Though in Grey's case, we cut to him having already done so, and he's rambling his way through a dinosaur metaphor about the coming age of conflict to his chosen apprentice, who he's Bound and Gagged and is pushing in a shopping cart.
  • Conrad has apparently been calling the J-Team, demanding restitution for Jade robbing him. Uncle insists they're not liable while Jade's evil, and says to just give him Captain Black's number.
  • When seeing that Verde's base is an Abandoned Warehouse, Uncle complains about all the villains using them, and says that Section 13 should buy them all out.
  • In one of the most meta jokes ever, a shipping order leaves the Shadow Hand with a surplus of lampshades. Jade is uninterested:
    "I am an evil overlord getting ready for the final battle with my sub-boss squad after clipping all the plot coupons and nailing down my heel turn! I have no time for lampshades! Just hang them somewhere or do whatever you want."
  • Jade is ranting about her latest defeat, but grows annoyed when a Shadowkhan wonders into the room with a vacuum, spoiling the moment. She poofs him to try and restore it, but the vacuum is left running. Jade concedes defeat at this point and moves on.
  • Jade's I Know You Know I Know logic about figuring out that Black had changed the password on the Vault back to "007". Hebi, a bit lost, just decides to think that she went A Wizard Did It.
  • During the above, Shendu is observing and is trying to figure out what's happening, while the two are ignoring him. When he gets their attention and claims to be Jade's Arch-Enemy, she derides him in a similar manner to Mortimer above and shuts the door on him.
  • The Enforcers mocking Strikemaster Ice's crew for not having committed enough crimes that Section 13 could charge them for those openly while maintaining The Masquerade.
  • Jackie's reaction to Jade saying that the Generals are summoning Tarakudo completely nonchalantly.
  • The Sages delaying the Generals is equal this and Awesome.
  • The Aspects are still hating on Love.
  • When the J-Team is held captive by the Shadowkhan, Right gets annoyed by Uncle's backtalk and tries smacking him, only for Uncle to No-Sell it and keep talking. So Right starts hitting Jackie instead.
    Jackie: If you think hitting me will make him stop, you don't know him well.
  • Agent Henry Allen, the Section 13 agent placed in charge of Plan B, is a little overeager in his work.
    Agent Allen: I'm warning you! I am in the process of getting licensed to kill!
    Right: Did you escape capture because you're the guy they send out to get everyone coffee?
  • Tarakudo getting hit by an energy scroll after absorbing Hebi's General essence.
  • Desire shows up to help Hero and Father against the Queen, and after she's bound, Hero asks Desire when she got there.
  • Blankman trolling the leaders of the Magisters, whom he had just taken the reigns of, by acting like he's going to attack them, only to deposit file folders and the like on the table with his magic.
  • Love asking Desire if romance is in the future with what Jade desires. Blushing, Desire kicks her barrel back into the waves, with Love defiantly declaring that she will eventually get out and that Jade will have an epic romance someday.
  • Tohru and Uncle have a very touching moment in which Uncle declares Tohru's training complete and names him a full chi wizard... and then fires him, on the grounds that a graduated apprentice can't keep living and working with his former master. Tohru is left rather baffled by the whole exchange.
  • In the final scene, Jackie and Uncle are discussing how maybe now life will go back to normal, only for Uncle's new teenage intern to accidentally break a statue, which unleashes a wolf spirit that possesses him.
    Uncle: Or maybe not.
    • Uncle then declares that after they catch the wolf and save him, the teen is fired.