- When "conversing", characters have only so many different things they can say, which can lead to some hilarious conversations.Random townswoman: Do you ever sit alone in your room and eat ice cream and think about boys?Random townsman: Yes! Absolutely!
- "Kick me" signs work in a very amusing way. The way they seem to be programmed is that people will see the sign and then run over to kick the person with the sign. Students might get kicked by their own clique members, kids will kick them, girls will run up and kick them, prefects will kick them, heck, if you're lucky, you can even get the gym teacher to run up and kick somebody with a sign on their back. Then a riot starts. It's kind of a shame that there's no way to make them and the only way you can get them is through lockpicking lockers and it's a random drop.
- Hilariously, sometimes the prefects will have a glitch wherein their AI will command them to go kick someone with a sign on their back, and as soon as they fight back, will bust them.
- Let's face it, we've all wanted to grab a prefect and give him a swirly every once in a while.
- Marbles in front of the only exit in the Boys' Dorm + Fire alarm = Instant comedy.
- Hitting someone in the low-hanging fruit is one of the joys of this game. The fact that each person has something unique to say about their bruised testes just adds more wonderful to the game. To add to the joy, they then fall to the ground, clutching their crotch.
- Bo Jackson: "Ohhh NOOOO, MY CHILDREN! OHHH!"
- Dr. Crabbesnitch: "Oh... How could you... (groans)"
- Juri Karamazov: "How... (Chokes) did you... (Hyperventilates) hit it?! (Screams)"
- Luis Lana: "Ahhh! AHHH! Aw man!! My little friends! Ahhh!"
- Gordon Wakefield: "AHHH! I'LL SUE YOUR ASS IF I EVER HAVE STUPID KIDS!"
- Peanut Romano: "Oww! My Johnson! Augghh!"
- Vance Medici: "OHHHH, right in the hot rod!"
- Lefty Mancini: "My girlfiend's gonna kill you!"
- Ricky Pucino: "CHEAP SON OF A- SACKMEAT!! FREAKING COWARD!! Ohhh..."
- Algernon (Algie) Papadopoulos: "Oooh, critical hit!"
- Fatty: "Ugh! oh, please, no... my legacy...."
- Melvin: "AHHH!!!!! OHH, RIGHT IN THE JABBERWOCKY! AH-HA!!!!!!"
- Cornelius Johnson: "That... is ex-CRU-ciatingly- PAINFULL!!"
- Tad Spencer: "Ooh, daddy! Ohhh..."
- Derby Harrington: "GUAHH!!! Ohhh, LORD!!! (Gasps) I have to carry on the family name! (breaks down crying)"
- Chad Morris: "My family jewels! My lineage, destroyed!"
- Kirby Olsen: "DAGH! THANK YOU, SIR, MAY I HAVE SOME MORE?"
- Edgar Munsen: "(cough) You fight dirty, AH-HOW!"
- Omar Romero: "OHHHHHHH!! ...I am tough... Threre is no pain...! OHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
- Leeroy: "UNH!! WHAT'D YOU HAVE TO DO THAT FOR?!"
- Henry (a.k.a. Clint): "OHHH! Right in the Toxic Twins!"
- Gurney: "HOLY- FUNGUS!"
- Jerry: "OOOH!! (Beat) I'll never be able to piss again!"
- Russell Northrup: "HOHH!!! ...Russell's secret place!"
- Gary Smith: "OWWW!!! You can't do that!" (Note: This is the same guy who said "You know what we do to liars, Pete? We kick them in the BALLS!!")
- Karl Branting: "Oh! THAT WAS BELOW THE BELT! OHHHHHH..."
- Edward Seymour II: "Oh, my nards!"
- Seth Kolbe: "Oww, unfair, oww!"
- Max MacTavish: "Oww, I needed those!"
- Russell declaring that he "... likes to HURT people... for PEACE."
Edgar Munsen: "Alright, one question: How are we going to stop a load of kids from beating the crap out of each other?"Jimmy: "This is America! We go in there with threats and bribes until we get what we want. If all else fails, we beat the crap out of everyone!"
- Then, there's Jimmy's Rousing Speech for when he's convincing Russell and the Townies to break up the school-wide brawl in "Complete Mayhem":
- If you can get hold of the data files, there's some unused dialogue in the mission Jealous Johnny. Long story short, Gord and Lola are making out, and then Gord can't figure out how to unhook her bra.
- The opening cutscene of Hattrick vs. Galloway. After Jimmy takes Galloway's scotch and leaves to track down all of Galloway's stashes around the school, Galloway immediately pulls out another bottle of scotch.I've tried many things: Yoga, meditation, acupuncture, dubious sites on the Internet... but nothing dulls the pain like Scotch!
Hattrick: Drunk, in charge of children. What kind of monster drinks in front of children?
- Earlier in that scene, when Hattrick is chewing out Galloway for drinking on campus, this exchange ensues:
- If you go to the Boys Bathrooms, you can see a random individual smoking a cigarette. What makes this funny is when you see Algie of all people doing it, too!
- In the intro cutscene of "Panty Raid", Jimmy catches Mr. Burton exiting a porno store. His attempt to explain himself is quite incriminating to say the least.Mr. Burton: I'm looking for naughty boys. Ah-I! I mean I'm looking for naughty boys in the wrong parts of town! Ah-Ah... What I mean, Hopkins, is that I'm glad to report that in that disgusting store, I did not find one naughty boy! Not one!
Jimmy: I won't say anything, sir. In fact, I'll make it clear that I never saw you coming out of an adult store clutching illicit magazines.
- He also says he'll deny any involvement if Jimmy's caught. Jimmy's response?
- The intro cutscene to the mission "Weed Killer", where Dr. Slawter wants Jimmy to destroy a plant given to Derby.Dr. Slawter: There are two sides to biology, boy. Life... and death. Do I make myself clear?Dr. Slawter: Not the boy, boy! The plant, boy! Kill the plant!Jimmy: Oh... Right.
- Because of authorities immediately going after you if you hit a small kid, you're unlikely to hear it, but when knocking out Pedro, he tends to spout a Non Sequitur, *Thud*.What does "Call me Ishmael" even mean...?I'll get a job in the morning, mama...Pancakes...? Where are the waffles...?
- The entire storyline around Ms Philips and Mr Galloway, especially the way poor Jimmy assumed Ms Philips was flirting with him, only for it to turn out she was just genuinely asking for help, and her actual romantic interest is Galloway, who's intelligent, sophisticated despite his alcoholism, and, oh right, her own age!
I think I have finally found the essence of what it means to be a banana.
- In addition, the painting Ms. Philips shows Jimmy at the beginning of the mission is a banana with big lips lying down on a couch.
- Whenever you get a wrong answer in English, usually Mr. Galloway just says you didn't spell a real word. However, in English 2, you get the opportunity to spell out a curse, specifically "shit" (as well as "git" in the PAL versions). Obviously, Rockstar knew players were gonna spell out the expletives."Ha ha ha, well! I'll let this one slide, James, since I don't wanna stifle your creative spirit.""Ha ha ha! Well, I'm afraid I can't allow that.""So nice to see your spirit before it's beaten out of you! Still, I can't allow that.""You're a feisty one, aren't you James?"
- The French translation of the game contains an unintentional funny moment in one of the English classes. In one of the exams, B-I-T-E is considered as an acceptable answer. It's a real word in French too, but it is a false cognate: in French, "bite" is a vulgar synonym of "penis". Basically, Jimmy wrote "dick" on an exam copy and got away with it.
- In the mission where you steal the mascot outfit, the nerds help you by distracting the jocks outside the gym while you fight the mascot. When you emerge with the outfit, you immediately see the jocks beating the crap out of the nerds. It's a very nice bit of environmental storytelling.
- Earnest, the leader of the Nerd clique, and his pathetic run for class president. Not only does he have to resort to bribing Jimmy just to vote for him, he also has to pay him just to keep the more popular students from attacking him during his campaign speech.
- Not to mention your interactions with him during the Nerd missions, including walking in on him reading a porn magazine.
- Tons of the NPC dialogue tends to be this, but what tends to be the most funny are the playground rumors you'd typically hear out of students. And also as expected of rumors, some will have a kernel of truth to them.Russell: I saw Johnny Vincent walk out of nudie club!Troy: Did you hear Galloway was wasted during his lecture yesterday?Kirby: I heard that all of Crabblesnitch's pets end up in Edna's meat locker. Heh heh!Tad: That nerd, Thad, hit Peanut on the head with a yardstick and nothing happened. Can you believe that?Mandy: I heard the swim team shaves all their body hair!Christy: I swear she got a nose job and she's like only 12. It's totally not cool.Ricky: Melvin and some Nerd broad were playing seven minutes in heaven. Bet they just talked about algebra.Hal: Did you hear the jocks got busted playing naked twister last night?Duncan: I heard that rumor about the Jocks and the naked twister. It's totally true.Luis: I heard that Russell got into a fight the other day, and couldn't remember why afterwards!Justin: The Greasers use old frying oil the style their hair. I'm sure of it.Wade: You hear Dr. Crabblesnitch used to be in gymnastics? What a dork!Bryce: Did you hear that the nerds hack into the school computers and change their own grades?Gurney: Some girl told me there was a website about me!Fatty:I heard Lola made out with two boys. Yeah!
Funny / Bully