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Funny / Bad Movie Beatdown 2012 Episodes

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    Sucker Punch 
  • Linkara bursting into the hotel room thinking it was "Miller Time", due to Brain's brief chant of "virgins and whores".
  • Film Brain demands that Jesu prove that the room is hers. Cue a sleeping Nash rolling over and trying to spoon with him. And somehow, Film Brain managed to get into the bed without noticing that anyone else was there.
  • Poké-Nash!
    Jesu: Nash! I choose you!
    *Nash appears with a :D face*
    Jesu: Use Dynamic Punch!
    *Is subsequently vaporized by Bennett*
  • Shortly after...
    Bennett: Your Dynamicpunch wasn't very effective, but let's see how you handle my...Sucker Punch.
    Film Brain: My god! ...that was a GHASTLY pun!
    Jesu: *Simply stares at Film Brain before giving him a Dope Slap*
  • Speaking of puns:
    FB: (after Jesu gave him royalty money for "FEMINISM!" in US money) I only accept real United Kingdom currency. Not that silly, floppy cloth money. Silly American.
    Jesu: Alright, in that case here's a pound! (delivers an uppercut)
  • SYMBOLISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!! being replaced with FEMINISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!!
    • And it gets to the point where the two of them just mumble it because they've used it so much.
      FB and JO: Femminismuh...
      Caption: femisughgouabuuuh
  • Film Brain's fearful assertion that they shouldn't use it too much.
  • The nonsensical nature of the film's Recursive Reality:
    [JO and Film Brain strike dramatic poses]
    JO: We need to go derper.
    [Camera zooms in on the wallpaper between them.]
  • JO keeps her promise to beat Film Brain with the coffee maker. (Which happens entirely in voiceover.)
  • The Stinger, which follows Film Brain and Jesu Otaku abusing the power of Feminism to defeat Bennett and Film Brain turning into a woman.
    Film Brain: I have some lovely boobs. Would you like to go pawn shopping?
  • Where did Nash go after Bennett zapped him? The Ice King's lair.
  • Film Brain commenting on the dream sequences:
    Well, y'see, I couldn't decide on what movie I wanted to make, so I just made ALL OF THEM.

    Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son 
  • Film Brain trying to impress the Rap Critic with gangsta talk.
  • When the Rap Critic says he has not seen the previous films, because he has better things to do:
    Rap Critic: This drying paint is awesome.
    Film Brain: He's luckier than I am.
    Rap Critic: (looks closely at wall) I don't even think this is paint.
  • Todd's cameo, especially when the Rap Critic dives out of frame.
  • FB notes that the film is a ripoff of Glee:
    Rap Critic: Why didn't you show this to Todd in the Shadows, then?
    Film Brain: Ah, but I want to inflict Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel on him someday!
    Rap Critic: That poor fool...
  • The Rap Critic's response to Trent's constant use of "Damn!" whenever he sees a hot girl:
    Rap Critic: Damn! Damn! Damn! I swear, the stereotypical black guy from Not Another Teen Movie had more variation than this!
  • "Synthetic. Vagina."
  • At the end, when Big Momma starts rapping:
    Film Brain: That's it. Rap is dead.
    Rap Critic: I would just like to personally apologize for letting anyone know that this happened.
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    Universal Soldier: The Return 
  • Dr. Insano shows up with a shot glass full of what he claims is a Jean-Claude Van Damme sperm sample, which he'll use to clone an army of Van Dammes that will fight his army of Bruce Lees solely for his own amusement.
    • Then, at the end of the review, he takes the shot. "Ick. Salty."

    The Tooth Fairy 

    Metal Man 
  • All the jokes about the main character's situation and how it seems to keep getting worse with every new development, as well as the Alternate Character Interpretation of Dr. Blake.
    • To elaborate: the main character is forever trapped against his will in a metal suit without knowing beforehand it's impossible to remove, and must constantly listen to the AI Dr. Blake. Later on, his parents are murdered, he must forever subsist on a foul-tasting liquid (which will eventually run out, as Film Brain points out), having the suit damaged makes him prone to heart attacks and strokes and the AI Dr. Blake can view his dreams.
      Film Brain: Hate to break it to you Doctor, but wearing a mechanical suit doesn't make you another species. And that certainly doesn't explain why you've condemned one of your students to wearing it for the rest of his life. You've successfully taken away his family, his girlfriend and his ability to take a piss forever. That doesn't make you a hero, that makes you a dick!
  • The reviewers pointing out the film's high Special Effect Failure (especially considering it was made by a special effects expert), such as the screwed-up invisibility effect that causes the background to double up.
    Film Brain: I think calling this "Metal Man" is probably pushing it. But let's face it, "Plastic and Rubber Man" wouldn't shift the DVDs off the shelves.
  • The completely random part of the climax in which Metal Man deflects a missile, sending it skyward and hitting a plane.
  • Lupa enters and declares "I got the results of the test back: I am definitely the most annoying person on the site." And the way she seems so disappointed when Film Brain points out she's only the American champion and he's statistically the world's most annoying thing on TGWTG.

    The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen 
  • Film Brain reveals that his coat is dimensionally transcendental, due to the number of DVDs he owns.
  • "The Ralph thing stopped being funny months ago."
  • Elisa suddenly popping up when the film makes a The Phantom of the Opera joke.
  • Their commentary on the inconsistencies of Dorian Gray.
  • Parodying Quatermain's death scene.
    Film Brain: NOOOOOOOOOO!
  • The opening sequence is a revised version of the Brows Held High intro. The original was implausible enough, but with clips from Film Brain's wheelhouse included, it becomes downright absurd.
  • This gem:
    Film Brain: So the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen has been set, or LXG for short!
    Oancitizen: Shouldn't that be "leg"?
    Film Brain: Ssssssh. The "x" makes it sound cooler!
    (Oancitizen thinks for a moment, then smiles and nods with Film Brain as if saying "Oooooh, I see what you mean!")

    Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel 
  • When Film Brain tells Todd the film they'll be be reviewing is The Squeakquel, Todd picks up a shotgun. When Todd appears in the hotel after the opening titles, he mentions he wasn't allowed to bring it on the plane.
    • Right before this, Todd eagerly answering the Skype alert with "Lupa, Lupa?!"
  • Todd: I'd like to point out that David Cross titled his memoirs 'I Drink for a Reason'. This is the reason.
  • 'I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS!"
  • When Alvin, voiced by Justin Long, makes a reference to the movie DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, Film Brain's pondering of this meta-scene causes the universe to undergo a Reality-Breaking Paradox (again).
  • Matt's distaste for the misplaced Shout-Outs to adult films when Alvin does the "Are you talking to me?" and "Some fava beans and a nice Chianti spiels.
    Film Brain: Ah, yes. A reference to that popular, well-known children's movie, Taxi Driver.
  • Film Brain tries to question the logic of Alvin playing football but is stopped by Todd with a familiar-sounding line.
  • When the chipmunks ride a cup on top of a blender while singing "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)", Film Brain acknowledges that it's still better than the Flo Rida version, while Todd acknowledges that three chipmunks fit neatly in a blender.
  • Todd: So, how do you think it'd smell if you pressed Alvin in a George Foreman grill? I'm guessing delicious.
  • Shortly after the Chipettes first appear:
    Todd: They're naked. This is bothering me.
    Film Brain: Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one.
  • The "two-for-one sale" jokenote , perhaps the darkest bit of humor ever uttered by Film Brain.
  • After the scene when Theodore is in bed with Toby after he gives him a "Dutch Oven" by accident.
    FB: (mimicking a child) Daddy, what's a Dutch Oven?
  • Both expressing confusion over the movie's totally random cameo of Digger, the NASCAR gopher.
    Todd: Who? No; WHY?
    FB: Maybe it's to set up his own movie?
    Todd: Did he get one?
    FB: No.
    (Todd Face Palms while FB tosses his hands in the air)
  • After mentioning that Film Brain had recently reviewed Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son:
    Todd: How can you stand to watch this stuff?
    FB: (maniacally cheerful) Because I'm insane. (steeples hands)
    Todd: Yeah, no shit!
  • Aleksandr from the UK's Compare the Market/Compare the Meerkat advertising campaign for an insurance comparison website popping up with a "Simples" much to Todd's confusion, and Film Brain's noting that it's a UK thing & reassuring Todd that the Brits will have found the joke funny.
  • The Call-Back to the Sunday School Musical crossover:
    Todd: You see, their music program is gonna be shut down unless the school wins a music competition. Now that sounds familiar.
    FB: I'm pretty sure there's a black Christian choir who can help you out with that.
  • The duo's reaction to the football scene with its bizarre reference.
    Todd: Hey, maybe they'll reenact the mangina sequence next. *Creepy grin* *Film Brain backs away slowly*
  • Film Brain's notion of the rest of the football scene:
    Film Brain: They throw the ball with Alvin on it, which, I'm pretty sure is cheating, but there you go. *Alvin falls* Ooo, he's dead! *Alvin gets up* Nooo, of course not, but he ends up scoring the winning touchdown, if you can call it that.
  • Todd's quick lecture on how to properly scream "Alvin".
    Todd: Note the implied threat of violence. That's how it's done.
  • One of the scenes being referred to as a "stupendously stupid sequence".
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    Scissors 
  • "So the film opens on a giant model of scissors! SYMBOLISM!!!!! Bloody hell, I can't remember the last time I used that!"
  • "That was quite a blasé reaction for being groped by a shopkeeper. I mean, if a shopkeeper touched my bum and tried to invite me to dinner, I'd make a point of never going in his shop again."
  • "Oh shit, he's attacking her with bad voice dubbing!"
  • "Seriously, how unlucky can Angie be to get sexually harassed and assaulted twice in the first five minutes? It's almost like this is a piece of shamelessly lurid exploitation!"
  • "…she has entire room of wall-to-wall broken dolls. That's not a hobby, that's an obsession. And take it from me, who doesn't have any problems like that whatsoever." (closeup of several stacks of DVDs, cued to the "Psycho" Strings)
  • "RED BEARD! RED BEARD!!!"
  • The running gag about the piggy hand puppet being the creepy molester in the movie.

    Going Overboard 

    The Dilemma 

    One Night Stand 

    Blade Trinity 
  • FB is disturbed by a guy's weird face. Once he gets decapitated, he reacts: "There! I knew he'd look much better without a head!"
  • "Dracula is killing his fellow vampires because, you know, he's EVIL. (sigh) That's not very scary and...Aaaaaah! Dominic Purcell! That's the true face of terror!"
  • Maven angrily demands to know why she wasn't asked to guest-review, being the vampire fangirl that she is. FB happily offers to let her join him. She accepts... just as the film reaches a scene where Dracula brutally slaughters the owners of a Goth vampire-kitsch shop. Maven runs like hell.
  • On the notorious "cock-juggling thundercunt" line, FB's Misogyny Meter overloads and detonates.
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    The Marksman 
  • His reaction to the title character's My Greatest Failure flashback, represented with clearly two decade-old Stock Footage.
    Film Brain: He hit the wrong target? But... but those were the right targets in Iron Eagle! He's a hero!

    The Art of War II: Betrayal 
  • One scene features a member of a hacking group looking busy and typing furiously on her laptop, even though it's quite clearly displaying the Windows Vista password screen. Film Brain surmises that she's forgotten her password, and is just too proud to ask for help.

    The Art of War III: Retribution 
  • The massive level of Fight Scene Failure on display in the film's climactic gunfight — including the hero and Big Bad not being able to hit each other despite being only about ten feet apart and hid behind soft furnishings, and objects in the background randomly exploding despite not being in either person's line of fire — gets the following comment:
    Film Brain: This is the single worst gunfight ever to be shot, directed and edited! And it is glorious!

    Batman Returns 
  • Whenever Sage summons his demon voice, really.
  • When Sage arrives:
    Sage: Hello, Film Brain. I'm here to take your soul to hell.
    Film Brain: Sage, first, you are aware you're in Swindon, right? I'm already fucked. And second, I've been expecting you as well.
    Sage: I really shouldn't have tweeted about my England trip.
  • The cracks about Christopher Walken 's hair in the movie
  • This exchange after The Penguin's reveal:
    Film Brain: It's just Danny De Vito in heavy makeup. It's really not all that scary.
    Film Brain: Now that's scary.
  • At the end, after Sage complained about the outdated Prince soundtrack in the first film.
    Film Brain I'm Mathew Buck, and he's Bennett the Sage, beating down bad movies everywhere. And to play us out...
    Sage: Not Prince!
    Film Brain: Seal.
    Sage: (intrigued) Oh!
    ["Kiss from a Rose" plays over the end credits]

    Ghosts of Mars 
  • Film Brain's reaction to the possessed miners.
  • The warning against the usage of drugs, voiced by Th Rap Critic.

    Doomsday 

    The Cavern 
  • Film Brain's reactions to the bright lights aimed directly into the camera.
    Nurse, the aspirin, please!
  • When it turns out the creature is a caveman:

    Die Another Day 
  • His disgusted response when Moneypenny is shown to have been using the virtual reality glasses to shag Bond, and the horror upon thinking on that further...

    xXx 

  • Laughing out loud at their attempt at a "skateboarding" style stunt. "Even Vin Diesel can't look cool GRINDING A DINNER TRAY."

    Stealth 

     Deck the Halls 


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