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Fanfic / An Impractical Guide To Godhood

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"Kronos had a plan. It was destroyed under his eyes. So the Lord of Time's plan ensured every plan not his would die too. Olympus is more powerful than ever, but so is Perseus Jackson. And unfortunately for them, the soul governing his body is not big on loyalty."
Summary of Impractical guide to Godhood

Antony444 takes a stab at a crossover between the Camp Half-Blood franchise and A Practical Guide to Evil. A change of fate sees Zeus kill Percy's mother when the boy is seven, and Percy ends up being replaced with a conniving Tyrant of Helike who plots to undermine Zeus.

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This Fanfiction contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Early Appearance: Daedalus, Ethan, the Triumvirate Holdings emperors and several other characters show up much earlier than in canon.
  • Adaptational Heroism: Luke and Ethan. While they certainly aren't fond of most of the gods by any stretch of the imagination, they're not traitors working for the Titans here either like they were in canon.
    • The Minotaur, although the "heroism" part is very much up for debate considering that Percy isn't exactly a paragon of virtue. In canon, the Minotaur was one of the earliest monsters that Percy battled, and later battled against him again as a servant of the Titans. Here, however, he's one of Percy Jackson's most loyal friends and allies, and he doesn't show any aversion to working alongside the demigods who are members of the Suicide Squad.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: As Percy, Kairos Theodosian appears to be slightly kinder than the original Tyrant was in canon, at least to his allies. This is made especially prominent at the beginning of the fic, in which even Kairos!Percy himself is surprised by how much he genuinely loved his mother Sally Jackson and was enraged over her death (especially since he didn't give a single flying fuck about any of his relatives as Kairos). He also shares a few moments of sincerity towards his few allies without hiding a metaphorical knife to stab them in the back from what we can see (although part of this might be based on pragmatism, as he's fully aware of how utterly stupid it would be to betray potential allies when he's trying to fight an enemy as powerful as Zeus.)
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  • And There Was Much Rejoicing Hera's status as the goddess of marriage causes her to behave unpleasantly toward gods and goddesses who conceive demigods, making her Hated by All. Consequently, after Perseus engineers her downfall, he and his companions are showered with gifts by all of Hera's many enemies.
  • Apple of Discord: The Stoll twins provoke a fight between the Daughters of Aphrodite by tossing a present labelled "For the hottest" into their midst. They later repeat this prank with the Hunters of Artemis, only in that case the label says "For the best shot."
  • Bait-and-Switch: Persephone casts a summoning spell to bring the being who hates Percy most, expecting to summon Zeus so that he can take out Percy. Instead, the spell summons the Suicide Squad member who Percy turned into an alligator for trying to kill him.
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  • Batman Gambit: Kairos!Percy's plan to take advantage of the conflict between the Big Three (Zeus, Poseidon, Hades) to create an anti-Olympus faction, with Poseidon and Hades joining forces against Zeus.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Making cheeseburgers out of Apollo's sacred cows is not a way to make friends with him.
    • Calling the Hunters of Artemis an "evil lesbian cult" makes their patron goddess and her lieutenant erupt into fury.
  • Big Sister Instinct: When Jackson makes it clear that he's going to conscript someone from the Aphrodite Cabin for his quest, Sileena repeatedly tries to volunteer to protect her half-siblings.
  • Blatant Lies: Kairos!Percy lies as easily as he breathes, and he is able to use the truth as a weapon to manipulate others just as effectively.
  • Broken Ace: Kairos!Percy is the strongest and most cunning Demigod of his generation, he managed to wage one man Roaring Rampage of Revenge against Zeus and survive but he is completely alone with almost no ally or even place to call home.
  • Brought Down to Normal: Hera is stripped of her divinity and exiled to New Byzantium as punishment for her crimes in the first interlude.
  • Cassandra Truth: the one time Kairos!Percy honestly tells Zoe how the medallion from Selene will hurt her, Zoe chose to ignore and even threaten him into surrendering the medallion. Needless to say, it ends up badly for Zoe.
  • Character Development: Several of Percy's companions, most notably Drew Tanaka. She starts off as her canon Alpha Bitch self and begs not to go on the quest, saying she doesn't want to die. However, under Percy/Kairos's guidance, she learns some impressive skills, while also displaying some empathy for other characters and disgust for Zeus's misdeeds.
  • Combat Pragmatist: Kairos!Percy will any means necessary to win fight from using traps, to insult.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle:
    • Venus' "fight" against Kairos!Percy lasts exactly one hit, and it would have easily ended up with the demigod's death if Venus had been aiming to kill Percy instead of keeping up appearances while hiding their alliance.
    • Hades' battle against Bianca (who previously took him prisoner through trickery) is ridiculously lopsided.
  • Dare to Be Badass: Lou Ellen reluctantly joins the Suicide Squad mainly because Percy/Kairos proves that he has spells he can teach her and then goadingly asks her if she wants to embrace greatness or mediocrity.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Hades. Despite being the God of what's essentially the Greek equivalent of Hell, he easily comes across as one of the fairest, most reasonable, and most sympathetic Gods in the setting. This also makes him one of the few Gods that Percy has any sort of respect for and also one of the few that he has a positive relationship with.
  • Deadpan Snarker : Kairos!Percy and everyone around him get afflicted with this eventually.
  • Do Not Call Me "Paul": Percy Jackson prefers to be called Perseus here.
  • Exact Words: How Kairos!Percy manipulates others. Even if he is speaking the truth, what he says is most certainly not what he means.
  • Forced Transformation: Two of Jackson's companions in his first quest are turned into a crocodile and a donkey. Neither is happy about it, especially because one of the transformations is permanent.
  • Genre Savvy : Kairos!Percy's experience from Calernia made him this.
  • Good Parents: From what we can see, both Poseidon and Amphitrite seem to be this to Percy, trying to help him out as much as they are allowed to without risking Zeus' wrath and interference. The fact that all three of them share the same contempt of Zeus certainly helps.
  • Got Volunteered: Not all of Perseus's companions on his quest come willingly. He intimidates Drew Tanaka into coming, while the Hephaestus and Demeter cabins both bring out a manacled kid who is forced to volunteer in exchange for the forgiveness of a past transgression.
  • Kill Steal: Clarisse yells "kill stealer" when a minotaur friend of Percy's kills some skeleton thugs before she can.
  • Malicious Misnaming: Like Dionysius, Perseus enjoys calling people by the right initials but the wrong name as a way of showing either disdain or vitriolic affection. He even greets Dionysus as "Douglas" after being called "Peter Johnson."
    Perseus: Name?
    Perseus: Thank you for volunteering, Dorothy.
  • Mouth of Sauron: Prince Triton speaks for his father Poseidon while the god of the oceans is in exile as penance for impregnating Sally Jackson. He also makes sure to get in some barbs about how Zeus has erred far more grievously than Poseidon, but has refused to undertake a similar penance.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
    • With Kairos!Percy, a joking demeanor, extreme confidence, a complete lack of taking anything seriously, and trolling behavior is the norm. So whenever he drops this attitude and is being deadly serious about thing, you know that what he's talking about is extremely important and more than likely very bad news for everyone involved.
    • The Huntresses of Artemis and Percy are very much antagonistic to each other 99% of the time. So it says volumes that when Percy mocks Heracles and openly admits that he understands why Zoe hates men so much after meeting him, the Huntresses of Artemis actually cheer him on for the first and probably only time.
  • Pass the Popcorn: During a quarrel between Zeus and Hera, Apollo summons bags of popcorn for everyone. Perseus and quite a few gods actually eat it as they watch the show.
  • Nothing Is the Same Anymore: The conclusion of Perseus's first quest sees one God Brought Down to Normal, several demigods beat a god in combat, two Mount Olympus couples divorcing, a new co-ruler of the Underworld, and more.
  • Refuge in Audacity: According to Kairos!Percy the more insane a plan is, the more likely it is to work. Given what he has already accomplished so far, it seems to be working wonders for him so far.
  • The Scapegoat: Hera gets blamed for everything she did do and everything she didn't after the stolen Lightning Bolt is returned, and suffers the bulk of Zeus's wrath as a result.
  • Shout-Out
  • Skewed Priorities : When Persephone about to smite The Suicide Squad, Kairos!Percy decides to demonstrate the function of Poseidon's Trident, making Wine from one of Poseidon's personal cellar.
  • Stripperific: Apollo calls one of Aphrodite's dresses "two steps away from being appropriate for a porn star."
  • Talking Is a Free Action: Kairos!Percy will never stoptalking matter how dangerious the situation is, it's also tied with his ability to convince his enemy of anything one he start talking, either with logic, charisma, or sheer audicity.
  • This Explains So Much: After Percy meets Hercules, the God of Strength's attitude and demeanor cause him to comment that now he has a better understanding of why Zoe Nightshade became such a misandrist after he seduced and used her.
  • Verbal Backspace: Dionysus does a lot of this whenever Zeus gets annoyed at his excesses and approval of Perseus.
    Dionysus: You did a great service to...I mean it's dreadful, absolutely dreadful. I will have to taste...I mean I will have to confiscate all of the barrels of Eleutherian Wine in your possession.
  • We Named the Monkey "Jack": Perseus names his new hellhound Zoe just to annoy Zoe Nightshade.
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