Fanfic / Hit List

Hit List, by zestycrouton, is a The Legend of Zelda High School AU which ends up being a good bit more... intense than the teenage drama one might expect.

The day is going pretty average for Link Hero and his little sister Aryll. Both are bored stiff at school, although Link has just run into (literally) a rather pretty New Transfer Student named Zelda Nohansen. Unfortunately, things take a turn as several bombs go off, blocking off the school exits, and a bunch of masked goons with guns take over. Run by a delinquent named Ganondorf, this group wants national attention and aren't above shooting a few hostages if that's what it takes to get it.

Link, Zelda, and their other friends aren't about to take this lying down. What follows are their attempts to save everyone they can and make it out of the school alive themselves. Oh, and also deal with some past-life stuff going on.

There is a completed sequel, From the Dust. Taking place one year after the first fic, it follows Link and his surviving classmates and teachers as they try to raise morale by taking a field trip to town for a special museum exhibit about Hyrule's history. Things go wrong very quickly as arrests are made, disappearances begin, and a rather familiar mask goes missing.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• Abhorrent Admirer: The sequel brings Groose for Zelda and Marin for Link, while Ralph goes from Zelda to Aryll.
• Action Survivor: Just about anyone who made it through the first fic counts.
• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: Linebeck's cowardice gets justified in this setting with him being a war veteran.
• Adaptational Backstory Change: Linebeck is a war veteran in this AU, justifying his Cowardly Lion tendencies.
• Air-Vent Passageway: In the first story how Link, Shad, and Ashei move around to avoid the shooters. Subverted as the air vent eventually gives out under them.
• All for Nothing: Two people were involved with Ganondorf's attack for different reasons than because Ganondorf was nice to them.
  • Colin sold out his fellow students because Ganondorf promised to let Aryll live if he did. Except Ganondorf lied to him as Aryll was connected to Link, and thus her death would hurt him, which mattered more to him than a meaningless promise that got him what he wanted.
  • Ganondorf offered to foot the bill for Impa's recovery in return for Sheik doing "a few things" (Sheik never says on-screen what he was asked to do, but it may have come up in his interrogation at the end) but then Impa dies before Ganondorf can make good on his word.
• The Beastmaster: In the sequel, Groose manages to tame the Helmaroc King.
• Because Destiny Says So: Subverted. Link thinks that his bloodline was destined to carry the Triforce of Courage, but Farore tells him that it's not. The various Links keep wielding it because they all just happen to exemplify courage to such a degree that it comes to them.
• Because You Were Nice to Me: Many of Ganondorf's minions in the first fic joined him because he reached his hand out to them when the other students and their cliques did not. Link calls out the latter on this during his speech in the finale.
• Big Brother Instinct: While Link wants to help as many people as possible, saving Aryll is his main goal. He won't even consider leaving the school until he knows she's out.
• Body Horror: Considering how the mask transformations in Majora's Mask went, it shouldn't be a surprise that Groose using the Giant's Mask was very unpleasant to witness.
• Boomerang Bigot: In the sequel, it's revealed that Sheik has a lot of hatred for the Sheikah. This is lampshaded by Midna and most of the trials he face are designed to have him face this prejudice and overcome it.
• Chekhov's Gun: In the sequel, Zelda gets a bottle of… something… from Tingle and vows not to open it. It turns out to be a bottled fairy that heals her from a mortal wound.
• The Chew Toy: Poor Kafei, in From the Dust, can't seem to catch a break. First the Skull Kid turns him into a child and then he's thrown into the Dark Realm, which turns him into a humanoid fox. He does manage to find the Moon Pearl to turn human again, but he has yet to turn back into an adult.
• Chronic Hero Syndrome: Link, natch. When he meets Farore in a dream/vision near the end, it turns out this pretty much defines him and his bloodline, since he and his ancestors wielded the Triforce of Courage because none of them would stand down and leave people in danger.
• Clap Your Hands If You Believe: How magic works, at least in Termina.
• The Cloud Cuckoolander Was Right:
  • Somehow, Tingle knows about magic and can recognize Zelda as a princess and the orphans as fairies.
  • Ultimately, this Verse's version of Agahnim, who told Ganondorf about the Triforce and unknowingly awakened his Past-Life Memories of being the King Of Thieves.
• Creepy Good: The Happy Mask Salesman in the sequel. He's just as unnerving as in both The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and has some strange connection to the museum curator, but his appearances thus far have been visiting the characters in their pocket dimensions and giving them helpful items and advice. The finale of the sequel reveals that they're actually one and the same.
• Dark Is Not Evil: In the sequel, learning this is the key to Sheik connecting to his Sheikah birthright.
• Deadpan Snarker: Quite a few characters, but Midna stands out, particularly since she spends most of the first fic forced to work alongside Linebeck and the second fic stuck with Groose.
• Decomposite Character: Sheik and Zelda aren't the same person in this fic. Instead, Sheik is Impa's son, who joined up with Ganondorf when he offered to foot the bill for her treatment in the first fic, and takes over for her as Sage Of Shadow in the sequel after she dies.
• "Die Hard" on an X: The first fic's basic premise is "Die Hard in a high school" with Zelda AU characters thrown in for good measure.
• Dude Looks Like a Lady: Kafei has "girly hair" which he can use to cover his face. This lets him pose as a woman so he can stay in the same room as Anju when they're held hostage.
• Forced Transformation: To help Link escape police custody, a mysterious "ally" turns him into a wolf, but fails to give him any way to turn back. Kafei is also briefly turned into an anthromorph Keaton.
• Freudian Slip: Happens when Groose tries to convince a carnival worker to go on a date with someone and Midna loses her temper:
  "Do you want to be single all your life?!" Midna exploded, patience very nearly at the breaking point.
  Mack looked startled, and then surprisingly ashamed.
  "...No, mom- I mean, ma'am."
• Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: How Midna gets Groose out of his Heroic BSoD, along with a slap.
• Gone Horribly Right: Groose's plan to bomb the moon works, but at the cost of moon chunks falling to earth and making it worse.
• Great Big Book of Everything: Subverted with the Book of Mudora. It's a large tome full of all kinds of interesting information, but most of it's not very helpful to Midna or Groose. As it turns out, the only thing they need from it is the knowledge that magic runs on belief.
• The Heavy: invoked Dark Link, introduced in the Sequel Hook of the first story, abducts the Ocarina Of Time Sages and frames Link for stealing Majora's Mask from the Museum. All to set up the Evil Plan and give Link a reason to go to the museum. Ghirahim turning him into a wolf was likely to mess with Link further, make it harder for him to complete his objective, and/or for funzies.
• Heroic BSoD:
  • Groose has one in the sequel, when his plan to destroy the moon backfires in the worst possible way for Clock Town.
  • Colin had one first regarding his choice to side with Ganondorf in order to protect Aryll.
• Hidden Depths:
  • Linebeck is a coward and a braggart, so it's genuinely a surprise to see him speak completely seriously when he talks about his time serving in the war and how the idea of being in a similar situation is not one he relishes. And just like that, his cowardice is justified.
  • The sequel shows that Groose has this going as well. He seems to be a Jerk Jock, but his time with Midna in the Termina pocket dimension shows that he is a huge physics geek and is also very good at connecting to people and spurring them into action. He uses those skills to get the townsfolk to help him build a massive catapult to launch a bomb at the moon, although it doesn't exactly work out.
  • Ruto and Darunia seem to be the standard airhead cheerleader and Jerk Jock, respectively but Darunia still begs for their guard to shoot him instead of Ruto; and Ruto, in turn, pleaded for him to spared. Later, after leading a group of hostages to safety, Darunia tells the police that Link was the real hero, since he freed them all to begin with.
• Hijacked by Ganon: The sequel is hijacked from Ganon by Majora and Ghirahim. And in the end, Ganondorf hijacks it back.
• How Do I Shot Web?: It takes Zelda a bit of time to get the hang of her magic.
• I Did What I Had to Do: Colin didn't want to help Ganondorf, but in the end, it was the only way to guarantee Aryll's safety. Crosses with I Lied when the narrative reveals that Ganondorf had no intention of keeping his word.
• I Lied: Colin told Ganondorf where certain students would be at the time of the attack so that he would be able to save Aryll. Unfortunately, Aryll was one of these students, because they were Link and those closest to him, and thus marked for death at his personal hand in order to hurt Link, so Ganondorf had no plans on letting a target go once he didn't need her as leverage anymore.
• Inexplicable Cultural Ties: One of the final chapters of the first story goes out of its way to reveal that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic exists in Modern Hyrule. For no reason other than to cement that this version of the concept is basically "What If? Hyrule evolved over time into the world we live in now?"
• It Sucks to Be the Chosen One: The prophetic visions Zelda gets could be helpful, but she has an unfortunate tendency to get them with no context and no hints as to how to avert the tragedies she's shown. Since magic isn't an everyday thing anymore, it also means she has trouble getting people to understand and help her without coming across as crazy. Link, meanwhile, ends up having to go against Ganondorf more or less alone (Zelda is with him, but she can't do much) and gets a knife to the stomach for his efforts. He survives, but is incredibly traumatized by the experience.
• Love Martyr: Several comments imply that Veran was a villainous example of this for Ganondorf.
• The Magic Comes Back: After Ganondorf's awakening, which set up the first fic, a lot of things from Hyrule's ancient past are coming back, whether the world is ready for them or not.
• The Magic Goes Away: Implied to be what happened with Hyrule. The nonhuman characters like Midna seem to look like regular humans and magic isn't a part of everyday life anymore. In From the Dust, as Zelda explores her Past-Life Memories, she wonders just what happened to make it all disappear the way it did.
• Manchild: Tingle.
• Masquerade: A three-fold example.
  • The Heroes, the Princesses Of Destiny and the King Of Thieves are real, but the last time they went through the cycle was so long ago that it's all passed into legend and the details are in question. Link and Zelda are asked by the Three Goddesses to keep it that way to maintain Hyrule's new status quo where it is not ready to be reminded of its past.
  • The first story reveals that a lot of what really happened at Ordon High is being covered up by the Three Goddesses to maintain the status quo, not to mention how many people's minds would be blown to find out it's all real. Link and Zelda's comrades are initially kept in the dark at the end of the first story, but then they get themselves involved in the sequel's events, and are thenceforth in on the secret.
  • It's agreed by everyone fully in the know (e.g. Link, Zelda, their circle of friends, the Three Goddesses) that telling people that the Ordon High Massacre and the museum incident were just the latest in an ancient cycle, at least right now, is a Bad Idea™ to say the least.
• Missing Mom: Sheik's mother died of a drug overdose not long before the first fic takes place, but given how he reacts when her ghost comes to teach him the ways of the Sheikah in the sequel, she wasn't the most attentive parent before her death.
• Mood Whiplash: Groose comes up with a plan to destroy the moon, which involves launching a giant bomb from a catapult. Between the silliness of that image and the hopefulness the townsfolk feel in seeing him doing something that might save them, the scene is overall very pleasant. When the bomb actually hits the moon and causes fiery rock chunks to rain down on them, it's considerably less so.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Colin suffers this for most of the first fic, as does Byrne. In the sequel, Groose has this reaction when the bomb he launches causes the moon to crush the town in flaming chunks. Midna gets both of them to the past in time, but he still worries that maybe they're going between dimensions instead of simply rewinding time, in which case he just condemned Clock Town in one timeline to a terrible fate.
• Nice Guy: Colin is a complete sweetheart.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Ruto and Darunia meant well, but showing Link the news footage of his broken, bloody body falling from the principal's office window really didn't do him any favors.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Groose beats the ever-loving crap out of Majora’s Incarnation.
• The Not-Love Interest: Cremia, for Kafei. She's the one who was able to convince him to propose to Anju.
• One-Man Army: Once he gets the Ball and Chain, Groose becomes this.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Groose crying over possibly killing countless people in alternate dimensions is so unlike him that Midna is freaked out.
• Ordinary High-School Student: If they aren't teachers, cops, ancients, or playing some other role, then they're students at Ordon High School. This includes incarnations of bosses like Arrghus and minor Big Bads like Zant and Byrne, who follow Ganondorf because they're outcasts among the student body.
• Past-Life Memories: Link hallucinates scenes from his previous (selves'?) fights with Ganondorf during the climax of the first story, Zelda gets up to speed during the sequel as part of her role in Majora's game, and Ganondorf paid attention to the wrong stories while in Juvie.
• Perky Goth: Played with for Midna. She dresses like a goth and while she isn't really perky, she's more snarky than brooding.
• Possession Implies Mastery: Zig-zagged in the sequel. The characters are given various items from the games and utilize them to various degrees of success. Some of the more straightforward items, like the Skull Hammer, are easy to work with. Linebeck has an awful time with the wind pot though, and Link has to be trained in swordwork before he's allowed to try to take the Master Sword.
• Redemption Equals Death: Byrne. Midna has to spend a lot of time talking Sheik out of thinking he has to apply this trope to himself.
• Related in the Adaptation:
  • One of the initial chapters of the first story reveals that Sheik's dead mother is Impa.
  • The sequel reveals that Her Grace, Hylia, is a younger sister to the Three Goddesses who made the Triforce.
• Rescue Romance: Jolene falls for Linebeck after he (with help from Midna and Sheik) rescue her and everyone else locked in the gym. The sequel implies that while they're still together, their relationship has shifted to No Accounting for Taste.
• Ripped from the Headlines: The first fic is very clearly inspired by the Columbine shootings.
• Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies: One version of Clock Town as a result of Groose's "Bomb The Moon!" plan Going Horribly Right. This results in his Heroic BSoD above.
• Sequel Hook:
  • The end of the first fic reminds everyone that Ganondorf doesn't stay dead unless he's killed with the Master Sword. This is then followed by Ganondorf coming back to life and escaping the morgue.
  • The sequel ends with double-layer potential set-up to one of ZC's in-progress stories, but ZC states that reading it is not required, neither is the story the third entry in Hit List.
• Shell-Shocked Veteran: While sometimes Played for Laughs, it's implied that some of Linebeck's cowardly behavior comes from traumatic things he saw while fighting in a war.
• Shout-Out: Oh so very, very many. The author admitted to sneaking as many into the sequel as possible, but there are also plenty in the first fic.
• Single Woman Seeks Good Man: In the sequel, Aryll rebuffs Ralph's attempts to woo her because she doesn't like his braggart nature. She also refuses to reconcile with Colin because she can't get over him betraying everyone to Ganondorf for her. Despite this, it's clear that Colin is the sort of guy she really wants, because of how sweet he is. Similarly, Zelda loves Link and is completely put off by Groose, and the reverse happens between Link and Marin.
• The Sociopath: The guy holding Aryll's class hostage seems to be this. He is completely bored and watches TV while his roomful of hostages huddles in the corner and it's noted that he sounds just as emotionless when talking about how he's going to kill one of them as he does when asking Aryll to hand over her cellphone.
• Too Dumb to Live: Midna's opinion on the people of Termina, although she does later realize part of their refusal to flee is a sense of hopelessness.
  Midna: "I used to think [Groose was] the stupidest person I'd ever meet. I take that back now. Every person in this village has [him] beat by a long shot."
• Took a Level in Badass: While Link wasn't exactly a slouch throughout the first fic, the sequel has him learning how to actually fight with the Master Sword through sparring with the Hero's Shade.
• Two-Person Love Triangle: After she and Kafei reunite with their old friend, Cremia, Anju worries that Kafei finds the more outgoing Cremia to be more attractive than her. When he disappears, she can't shake the concern that he and Cremia ran off together. Actually, Cremia had urged Kafei to propose to Anju, which he'd set off to work on.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Ganondorf was just your average high school asshole who got in a fight with Link and wound up in Juvie as a result. Then he meets a Cloudcuckoolander therapist named Agahnim and everything goes to hell.
• Waking Up at the Morgue: Ganondorf, in the Sequel Hook of the first fic.
• Waking Up Elsewhere: After nearly dying fighting Ganondorf, Link wakes up in the hospital.
• What the Hell, Hero?:
  • Aryll really lays into Colin, when she finds out he cooperated with Ganondorf to save her.
  • Link angrily demands to know why Farore keeps condemning him and his ancestors to carry the Triforce of Courage to put their lives on the line. She assures him that someone needs to carry it and that it goes to them based on their personal qualities, not because of destiny.
  • Link again in the aftermath. His speech is how he can't say a few words about the incident and how he intends to go back to his life when the school reopens, but also calling out his peers for the cliques and exclusions, citing them as what brought each participant in the attack to join up with Ganondorf (minus Colin, who was trying to protect Aryll without knowing it was futile, and Sheik, who only joined in return for Ganondorf funding Impa's recovery afterward, and was in too deep to back out when Impa died before it could pay off) in the first place. He implores them all to figure out a way to make sure the Ordon High Massacre (as it's come to be called) never happens again.
• When All You Have Is a Hammer…: In the sequel, Link's friends are magically banished to pocket dimensions where they must overcome situations from the video game series. To help them, they're given various item which range from helpful (the Wind Waker, the Phantom Hourglass, the Skull Hammer, etc.) to weird and unclear in how to use them (the wind jar, the slingshot, etc.) All of the characters must figure out how to use the items to get through their trails, since they're the only tools at their disposal. Bonus points to Aryll, who gets the Skull Hammer and gleefully uses it to take out her frustrations on a group of Stalfos.
• Would Hurt a Child: Most of the shooters are shown having no issues with shooting their hostages.
• Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Groose, although he considers having to break that particular code in self-defense when Midna gets angry with him.

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