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Actually I'm Dead is My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fan Fic, written by Wave Blaster and co-written by Nightwalker. It takes place in alternate universe where the ending of the season three episode "Magic Duel" takes a much more tragic twist. After losing the duel and the Alicorn Amulet, Trixie collapses and apparently dies, due to an unforeseen influence. But instead of staying dead, the Amulet turns her into... something else.

Somehow, her mind and soul stayed behind, but her body is dead and decaying. She has lost all of her senses, she cannot feel anything, and she no longer needs (or truly is capable of) eating or sleeping. She now looks like the embodiment of death and feels about as well. Most depressing of all, Celestia has had to use a restraining ring to cut off her magic to keep the Alicorn Amulet from corrupting her again. The ponies whose attention she used to crave now look down on her with a mix of pity and fear, and nopony knows what to do.

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With nowhere else to go, Trixie is put in the custody of Twilight, while they and the Princesses desperately search for any possible cure. Now she must make peace with her past and present lives, while trying to find a reason to continue living (not that she could die), as more about both Trixie's past and Amulet's secrets are revealed.

The story can be found here

An official list of reviews, plus editorials by the author, here

A sequel titled I, Monster has been started.


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Actually, I'm Dead provides examples of:

  • Alien Blood: After dying, Trixie's blood turns black. The blood test at the hospital soon discovers that it is not blood, but a strange liquefied Dark Magic, or "Necroplasm", that has replaced her bodily fluids.
  • Animalistic Abomination: After dying again, Trixie comes back as an even worse monster, who apparently possess many feline features — including absurdly sharp claws — as well as reptilian features, and is now strong enough to fight Luna to a draw. Oh, and she has the power to appear even scarier.
  • Author Appeal: Wave Blaster likes to give nods to other franchises he is into. Most notably, Mortal Kombat and various Comic Books, mainly DC Comics.
  • Badass Crew: Trixie's mentors are made up of Pony versions of various characters, including, but not limited to Scorpion, Green Arrow and a stallion named Hell's Blazer.
  • Bait-and-Switch: In Chapter 10 Trixie is revealed to have died and we get the solemn and heartbreaking scene of her funeral and it looks like she may be dead for real. Cut to Trixie in a black abyss.
  • Bar Brawl: Averted. Lightning Dust tries to start one with Trixie, after she and Rainbow get out of court. Trixie puts a stop to that.
  • Big Bad: The Dark force inside the Alicorn Amulet becomes this, later on in the story.
  • Big Damn Heroes:
    • When The Dark Force is about to kill the Mane Six, Lightning Dust jumps in and knocks it into the sky.
    • Just as The Dark Force is about to kill Lightning Dust, Pinkie Pie and Discord come in and blast it with the former's party canon, while Rainbow Dash sloops in the save the former, before her and Applejack jump in and join the fight alongside Pinkie Discord.
  • Big Sister Instinct: After a sad misunderstanding, Applejack runs Trixie off the farm crying, after she sees her going talking with Apple Bloom.
  • Bitter Sweet Ending: Sadly much more on the bitter side of the trope: In the end The Dark Force in The Alicorn Amulet takes over Trixie's body almost completely and The Mane Six had to seal her in stone with The Elements, while Trixie was just barley there enough to tell them to do it. Not only that, but they also had to reseal post-reformation Discord in the process, as he was holding her down so they'd have an opening. Oh, and Lightning Dust was beat and mauled so badly, she needed a wheel chair, to attend the memorial. About the only bright sides, are the fact that the the stone prison Trixie and Discord are in can be undone once the others have found a way to help her and Word of God confirming this story is only part one of a series, where these lingering problems can be resolved later in.
  • Blood Knight: Luna is having a lot of fun, during her battle with Monster!Trixie.
    Princess Celestia, the six elements, and the royal guards all stared at the Princess of the Night. Her crown was gone, her mane was disheveled from battle, one of her eyes had started to swell shut, and her right wing was not only bloody but obviously broken from how it hung limply at her side. Her other wing was missing a noticeable clump of feathers.
    Luna: Somepony, fetch Us a cider with which to celebrate Our victory!
    Luna wiped her bloody chin upon her fetlock, sparing it a glance.
    Luna: And perhaps a medic.
  • Body Horror: Trixie's body has basically been reduced to a still decaying corpse.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: At the end of many chapters, the author and his partner Nightwalker have discussions with the characters. And later, the readers joined in on the fun.
  • Breather Episode: Finale Destination part 1, is a very light hearted chapter (sans a few moments) compared to the previous chapters.
  • Brown Note: The Dark Forces laughter, is enough to physical harm and incapacitate The Mane Six (plus Lightning Dust), even leaving a couple of them temporarily deafened.
  • Call-Forward: In the sequel hook, Hell Blazer skims through a couple articles in the paper, both of which reference episodes from season five, including something about an equalist cult being formed in some out of the way area and the Griffons dealing with an economic collapse, for reference, this story takes place throughout season three.
  • Cliffhanger: A few, most notably in chapters nine and ten.
  • Cold-Blooded Torture: The Darkness stabs Lightning Dust with its/Trixie's claws, where her wings connect to her body, in retaliation for her trying to attack it.
  • Cool Pet: Trixie's raven.
  • Creepy Good: Trixie, after being brought back from the dead, becomes an emotionless lich like creature. And later, a Cat/Reptile like monster with the power to look even more scary than she is.
  • Deal with the Devil: The Dark Force tries to offer one to Lightning Dust.
  • Death Wish: Trixie, after she comes back from the dead as an undead creature. That is sort of the problem.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: Lighting and Rainbow challenge each other to a friendly bout to resolve there deferences, and walk out on good terms with each other.
  • Demonic Possession: The Dark Force in the Alicorn Amulet, manages to fully take over Trixie's body during the climax.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Lightning Dust manages to tackle and fly The Dark Force into the air before ramming into the ground and slapping some magical restraints on it. While it doesn't last, keep in mind, this is a force that just previously knocked out Discord, who was almost defeated by a lone pegasus.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: While taking Trixie's measurements, after her second revival, Trixie gets very uncomfortable when Twilight tries to measure her horn. When Twilight brings up the last time she did that, in which Trixie apparently kicked her into a wall, Trixie responds that she shouldn't have snuck up on her, instead of asking or taking her out for dinner first. Not to mention, Twilight's reaction to when she realizes that Trixie's horn was bigger than,.. something that's none of her business.
  • Don't Fear the Reaper: After Trixie dies for a second time, she meets the reaper. But despite having a fitting look for such an entity, she turns out to be very friendly and does what she can to comfort passing souls. She is also Trixie's mother.
  • Escape Artist: Trixie was trained as one.
  • Exact Words: "Your mother passed, before I was made the new reaper."
    • Later played for humor, after Trixie spends her whole months supply of cash on wine and Twilight complains that it was supposed to last her the whole month, only for Trixie to point out that it is the end of the month.
  • Feel No Pain: The problem is, Trixie can no longer feel anything. One of the only good things about her second resurrection, is that at least she has her senses back, though her sense of touch is still fairly weak.
  • From Bad to Worse: Did you think Trixie being undead, would stop her body from decaying? That is not even getting into what happens in chapter 10 and on.
  • Gorn: Trixie's second death is very detailed.
  • The Grim Reaper: We get to see one of them, who explains that there is a different grim reaper for every type of person, even the "Immortals". ("I image those two that think they are truly cursed with immortality, will be surprised too.") The reaper we meet is the one responsible for guiding travelers to the afterlife and is revealed to be the reincarnation of Trixie's mother, after she passed.
  • Heroic BSoD: The whole cast have this after Trixie apparently dies a second time, especially Rainbow Dash for being indirectly responsible.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: In the end, The Mane Six are forced to both seal Trixie and re-seal Discord in stone, after the Trixie manages to just barley fight The Dark Force controlling her, while Discord holds her down, so the Mane Six have a clear shot.
  • Hope Spot:
    • After dying a second time, it looks like Trixie will at least be able to rest in peace... cue The Dark Force in the Alicorn Amulet dragging her away.
    • Near the end, after the dark force in the Amulet takes over Trixie's body completely, Discord is able to contain and identify it, before deciding to go in and deal with mano-a-mano, sure he can easily resolve things from here and the girls, for the first time in a long while, are able to relax and breathe a sigh of relief, thinking things will all work out. Then the darkness defeats Discord and breaks out of his containment. Cue Oh, Crap! moment.
    • Later on, it looks like Lightning Dust actually got the better of The Dark Force and has it in magical restraints to block off it's magical powers... Cue it simply beating her down, before tearing off said restraints with brute force.
  • Humanoid Abomination: Trixie after her transformation is described as looking like the physical embodiment of death and scares anypony that saw her.
  • I Need A Drink: Trixie, after coming across her old school. If only she could get drunk.
  • Irony: Trixie always wanted ponies to look upon her... just not out of fear and pity.
  • Large Ham: Despite being on the edge of the Despair Event Horizon, Trixie still manages to have her moments, when ponies are willing to listen.
  • Loophole Abuse: After Rainbow and Lightning Dust's tornado lead to Trixie's second "death", she uses the fact that she was technically already dead to get them off of the murder charge.
  • Loss of Identity: Trixie comes dangerously close to this, after dying again and being resurrected as an animalistic creature.
  • Major Injury Under Reaction: Luna, after her battle with Monster!Trixie, she is so excited, she barley even notices her injuries, which include a broken wing.
    Luna: Tis a scratch.
  • Mama Bear: The Grim Reaper of Travelers is not pleased with whatever forces are all trying to take control over her daughter.
  • Missing Mom: Hope Lulamoon left Trixie on the steps of her old mentors in Neigh Orleans, when she was an infant. She was busy becoming the new Grim Reaper.
  • Mood Whiplash: Trixie is both bonding with her new friends and getting over her fear of heights, as her and five out six of the Mane Six, ride their balloon to visit Rainbow Dash at the Wonderbolts Aca... Wait, is that a tornado? This is followed immediately by Trixie having her second death and funeral. She gets better... well sort of.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: After part of her second revival involves giving her claws sharper than knives, what does Trixie use them for? Slicing vegetables.
  • Our Liches Are Different: Trixie is an odd example, as the author apparently had no idea what a Lich was and was very surprised when his readers started bringing up that Trixie now bears a striking resemblance to one.
  • Parental Abandonment: Trixie was left on the doorsteps of her mother's old mentor, in Neigh Orleans, when she was an infant. It is eventually revealed that her mother died and came back as the Grim Reaper responsible for guiding travellers like Trixie to the afterlife.
    Note: My greatest trick, H. Lulamoon.
  • Proud Warrior Race Guy: Apparently, this is a tradition among pegasi.
  • Rage Against the Author: Trixie sometimes tries to call out Wave Blaster, during their post chapter discussions.
  • Rage Against the Reflection: Well, more like despair against the reflection, after Trixie looks into the mirror for the first time, after her “death”. She considers it the worst mistake she ever made.
    Trixie: To these days, Trixie still regrets looking at the mirror. Trixie should have never looked at the mirror. Trixie should have never took off the Alicorn Amulet— No! Trixie should have never even touched the Alicorn amulet in the first place. Trixie should have stayed on the rock farm, for if she did so, she would be still alive, she would be still Trixie, instead of this... this...
  • Reality Ensues: Unlike in the show, Rainbow and Lightning Dust's actions at the end of "Wonderbolts Academy" lead to them having to face trial for reckless endangerment and accidentally causing Trixie's second death. And even after Spitfire takes the blame, they still have to face a military jury.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Trixie gives one to Rainbow Dash, after the latter refuses to leave her alone. Pointing out that they are Not So Different and that one day, Rainbow will most likely have to deal with hecklers like herself. This turns out to be a Batman Gambit on Rainbow's part, who had realized all this earlier and was trying to give Trixie her "fight" back.
  • Sequel Hook: Hell Blazer, one of Trixie's mentors reading about her having to be Taken for Granite for the greater good. He is not pleased.
  • Shared Universe: Of a sort; All of Wave Blaster's stories involving Trixie, use the same origin story.
  • Ship Tease: We get one near the end, between Lightning Dust and Spike of all parings.
  • Sixth Ranger:
    • Trixie becoming this to The Mane Six, is a fairly big part of the first half of the story.
    • Later on, Lightning Dust becomes this to the group, after resolving her previous issues with Trixie and Rainbow Dash.
  • Shout-Out: Many:
    • Trixie occasionally quotes Dr. Facillier.
    • Wave Blaster makes several shout outs to Mortal Kombat throughout the soty. One of Trixie's mentors is "Kunai Tail"/Scorpion. Most noteworthy: The battle between monster!Trixie and Luna, is reminiscent of the franchise's iconic bloody and brutal fighting style.
    • Trixie and her mother Hope's mentors are basically the pony equivalent to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, with a different roster.
    • The Canterlot Court House, bears a strong resemblance to a certain other hall of justice.
    • According to the author, Trixie's dark green alien blood is kinda sorta based on the Xenomorphs of Alien fame.
    • Trixie not being able to get drunk, is also kinda sort of inspired by Captain America: The First Avenger.
    • One of the artifacts Trixie listed to Twilight, is the name of another Fan Fic: Hurricane’s Champron.
    • A grumpy, smoking stallion who is knowledgeable in Dark Magic and is named Hell Blazer. For everyone knowing the similar named comic book series, those character traits should sound familiar.
    • After Lightning Dust comes surprisingly close to taking out the Dark Force, said dark force quotes the Linkin Park song, In The End, while taunting her.
    Dark Force You tried so hard. You got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: After Lightning Dust briefly gets the better of The Dark Force, only to be beaten down, said force offers her a chance to join it. Her response?
    Lightning Dust: Up yours.
  • Suicidal Overconfidence: Lightning Dust tries to pick a fight with Trixie, because they "both wanted it", after what happened earlier. This is after Trixie's second revival and she is now strong enough to take Luna on and hold her ground. It goes without saying, Lightning was cowering in fear before the fight even began. note 
  • Superpowered Evil Side: Trixie gains one, after the Amulet brings her back a second time.
  • Trauma Conga Line: So far, Trixie has died, after she had become a laughing stock, brought back as an undead abomination that puts fear into anypony that sees her, dies again, this time brutally and then, just as it looks like she may at least be at peace, she is pulled back to the living as an even worse monster.
  • Was Once A Pony: Trixie's attitude, after being brought back as something else.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Twilight gives one to Applejack, after she drove Tixie off for just for talking to Apple Bloom.
  • Who Wants to Live Forever?: Certainly not Trixie, given the way she's doing it.
  • Yank the Dog's Chain: In chapter eleven, Trixie is finally about to move on to the next life and will be able to rest in peace... Too bad the Alicorn Amulet ant having any of that.
    • This is also one for Hope Lulamoon, Trixie's mother who was reincarnated as one of the reapers and has to continue watching her daughter suffer.
  • You Are Not Alone: Twilight and later her friends, try desperately to stand by Trixie.
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