The first archive page of Wild Mass Guesses for Real Life. To see more archived entries, see the second archive page.
Please do not add new entries here. New guesses go on the main WMG.Real Life article.
- The universe created by My Immortal died of Entropy and Paradox several trillion years earlier than all of the rest, and is eating away at the multiverse...
- Try to read "Civilization and its Discontents" by Sigmund Freud.
- It isn't actually a sin to be Homosexual. It' a sin to engage in homosexual activities.
- That object is a forward moving time machine
- But in true nothingness, there would be no laws of physics, including the "can't get something from nothing" one, so what's to stop existence from literally appearing out of no where? I mean, we can't very well apply the laws of physics to non-existence — if you can apply a property to something, then it exists. This gets really weird to think about when you realize that having no properties is a property in and of itself.
- Indeed. Additionally, we can't really talk about "The Beginning" until we can actually define "existance". And that's before we even consider things like zero-point energy or string theory's Multiverse/branes model. And quantum mechanics, which takes things like particles appearing and disappearing spontaneously for totally acceptable.
- Or for that matter, the three US states that were once independent countries. Texas is too obsessed with American football to make a big splash, Vermont has too small a population base to draw from and we can't play field sports until mid-May some years, but California could be a powerhouse.
- Oh my GOOOOOOD!
- Better yet; they more frequently appear in old photos because the cameraman could have wondered off while the film was exposed, hence there was no one actually watching the ghost while the photo was taken (this explains why there aren't ghosts in every photo given the amount of dead people about; they only turn up if the cameraman gets bored). This phenomenon occurs sometimes with cameras on a timer but is less frequent now since the cameraman is usually watching the whole time (plus cameras may be close enough to "thinking" to count as a person as far as some of the older ghosts are concerned).
- Have you read "Let's All Go To Golgotha"?
- You have been made into many a Pragmatic Adaptation, suffered Adaptation Decay, recovered had movies and use the Comic-Book Time Trope to have helped win WWII and still beat Mad Scientists on a daily basis. Because of Status Quo Is God though, you will never really advance in life. You will only be reborn as the same hero in a different Alternate Universe. The reason you don't know this yet?
- Actually, you are a pirate
- Then why don't I have the Most Common Super Power?
- I do. Also, my life is pretty much crap after crap, so, I might be the Chosen One. Might. Life is unfair, after all. Besides this, I'm fat and considered rather ugly. Perhaps beauty tropes don't apply as often IRL.s
- You're Hollywood Homely until you get your powers and Stripperiffic costume. ;)
- Then why don't I have the Most Common Super Power?
- You.... You've found me out.
- So when do I get my coolio name? I'm WAITING! </sarcasm>
- You are a major superhero, and all of your closest friends are on your superhero team trying to rescue you. Right now, as you read this, a supervillain with mind-control powers has trapped you in a perfect simulation of being an ordinary human being with a fairly unremarkable life. Any time you notice something strange or experience deja vu, it's because the mind-control is slipping. Like now ...
- This explains why, whenever I try to do something, something goes wrong!
- Love to see that I'm not the only one who thinks about that! And, if we ever manage to prove it right, the "fifth" element, Soul, is in another state, like a cold fusion, or something. Or not, who knows?
- Cold fusion is a process, not a state of matter. Anyway, where does Bose-Einstein Condensate fit in? That's pretty damn cold, at least.
- So is a Bose-Einstein Condensate the fifth element, somehow?
- The Bose-Einstein Condensate is unofficially considered the sixth state of matter and the first artificial one. The truth is that there is about a dozen different states of matter all in all. Only the first five can be found naturally on Earth and a bunch of the artificial ones are very unstable.
- Aether?
- The fifth element could be observation—it changes things, but is not really tangible on it's own unless you change your thought process a little.
- Do i smell the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?
- Fools! The fifth element is love!
- You are all ignorant. The fifth element is obviously The Game!
- The fifth element is ether, (what space is made of) which is dark matter. Seriously.
- The fifth element is energy.
- The fifth element is surprise.
- Alternatively: Earth=Carbon, Water=Hydrogen, Air=Nitrogen and Fire=Oxygen. Those are the four elements that we use and study most often after all. Admittedly this analogy has a few bugs, such as water (H 2 O) being made up of mostly fire.
- There are actually multiple "fifth elements" depending on if you're in Greece or Japan. Aether is energy, when atomic bonds effectively break down; matter, according to General Relativity, is just really dense energy, and all matter is derived from Aether. In Japan, on the other hand, they have void, which is the emptiness that nevertheless holds the universe together - simultaneously representing the fact that most of the universe is more empty space than matter (even matter itself is more empty space than subatomic particle), AND the concept of dark matter and energy.
- Same thing can be said for Water = Electromagnetism and Fire = Strong Nuclear force. Electromagnetism flows and was always described as a current, like water (also, motors = waterwheels?), while the strong force powers nuclear reactions, like stars.
- This also handily explains why he can't find his birth certificate.
- The sad part is that there are people who seem to really believe this.
- The really sad part is that there are people who seem to believe that he's god.
- The conservatives mocking that attitude vastly outnumber the supporters who ever took it seriously.
- Complaining About Presidents You Don't Like?
- Gushing About Presidents You Like?
- Pointless Natter No One Likes?
- Humorous 3rd option that some people like?
- Complaining About Presidents You Don't Vote For (not to be confused with "They Voted For It, Now It Sucks")
My four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. One day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
One day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."We will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. We will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
From every mountainside, freedom will ring!
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania. Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that: Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee. Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring,we will let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing:Free at last! Free at last!
- Someone's got themselves a nice dream.
- Naah, that one's too crazy even for WMG.
- tl;dr
- They were probably right about the go to jail together part...
- Yay for Barack Obama?
- Please let me be wrong.
- Meh. I reckon we're okay. Whether or not he screws up obviously isn't gonna be dependent on his skin colour... I reckon Martin Luther King would be right to be happy about now.
- Yeah, but his election certainly wasn't based on the content of his character.
- You could say that about a lot of American presidents. And a lot of leaders worldwide for that matter. Doesn't mean they're gonna fail.
- ...Well, he said a bunch of stuff that people must've wanted to hear and thought made sense, whether he follows through on it or not (and let's face it, when you raise hopes that high, and make proclamations that big,then at the very least some people are gonna fall flat on their faces from a great height as a result). I kinda doubt that more people voted for him just because he's black than did because he had some good sounding ideas to get them out of a difficult rut (or for reasons like "he's less crazy than the other guy" or "he can't do any worse than the guy we have now.") Besides, a while before Obama started getting popular it really looked like Mc Cain was going to win...
- Please let me be wrong.
- Jews, Catholics, Protestants... Can't poor Atheists join the others in the joining-hands-and-singing thing ? No fair !
- Totally seconded. Atheists can be lovely people too!!
- Hey, what about Wiccans, we were around then too. (Just more hidden and obscure.) I hope that someday MLK's dream will come true. Until that time, we get to put up with the Tea Party
- Totally seconded. Atheists can be lovely people too!!
- No, I'm Spartacus.
- ...But I thought * I* was Spartacus?
- IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M CAPTAIN KIIIIIRRRRRRK!!!!!
- ''WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!''
- I'm Spartacus and so's my wife!
- THIS! IS! SPARTACUUUUUUUUUS!!!
- Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the goddamn Spartacus!
- No, I'm Dirty Dan!
- Please turn your head back and show the middle finger to break the fourth wall.
- Evangelical groups establishing their own parochial schools in recent years don't share this goal- their leadership simply isn't Genre Savvy enough to realize the above.
- However, in the 1970s the Catholics discovered their program too successful, between the multiple generations driven away, changing immigrant demographics, and existing infrastructure, leading to a general defunding of the system in the years since.
- In 2012, she will win the Republican nomination but lose the election.
- In the next run (not necessarily 2016), she'll have lost the support of the party establishment but still have enough support among Republican base voters (and the media) to stay in the race past Super Tuesday and be short-listed for VP (but not picked since the GOP prez candidate will remember McCain's fatal case of Uchiha Syndrome).
- Will there be any polar bears left by this point?
- By the third future run, she'll be seen as a perennial candidate, nobody will take her seriously and she'll drop out without winning a single delegate.
- And then she'll create her own third party, and/or start backing the secession of Alaska.
- So you are predicting that Sarah Palin will become the next Ralph Nader, or are you saying she is secretly Ralph Nader in disguise?
- Why not both?
- Am I the only one thinking of V now? V = Ralph Nader, Evie = Sarah Palin. Quickly! To the Adobe Photoshop mobile!
- Another explanation: Ralph Nader wanted to atone for ruining the last couple of elections(by stealing votes from the Democrats and thus helping the Republicans win), so he arranged for the creation of Palin as a kind of Reverse Mole— a living Strawman Political who would say absurd things, "go rogue", and undermine her own party(see "Sarah Palin doesn't exist" below).
- Nader in disguise...with glasses?
- Don't be ridiculous, without glasses how would he see?
- Why not both?
- Until there, Mc Cain will be as good as dead, and if she will ever be prez... The world will end. I'd prefer even Ashley Simpson over her in the White House, at least she isn't Ax-Crazy, just dumb.
- So that's what a credit default swap is.
- I'm suddenly okay with this now.
- Well, it explains the financial crisis.
- Not to mention the spontaneous singing. Also, a girl in my class gave birth to a pterodactyl. Then it began to sing.
- And then Captain Hammer threw a car at my head. It didn't sing. It didn't sing at all.
- Not to mention the spontaneous singing. Also, a girl in my class gave birth to a pterodactyl. Then it began to sing.
- Isn't it Saturn that has the hexagon? And Neptune's farther out... Or is that just what The Man has told me?
- Titan has life on its surface. And they are so more advanced than humans that they can become invisible to cameras, volitate, and laugh at our attempts of declaring superiority, like one laughs when a child tells a joke.
- you earth-children have found us out. It is clear to us that in groups your minds are very powerful. Welcome To the Great and Glorious Federation of the Stars.
- That would explain the probing.
- And the horrible smell.
- This is actually more comforting than it initially appears, as the way strong chessplayers actually use pawns is at odds with the common metaphorical meaning of "pawns." While good chessplayers sometimes sacrifice pawns, it is never done lightly, as games are often won by a single pawn, and the players are well aware that the sacrifice may spell disaster if they don't get a strong advantage from it.
- Actually, the world is being controlled by a single, immortal person since the fall of the Roman Empire. So, everything is part of a huge Xanatos Gambit to simply kill the Chosen One that will overthrow their system by simply pointing it to the public. Uh oh... You never looked at it, just in case.
- In real life, the head of the World Chess Federation is, in fact, the president of Kalmykia, a Russian province. Among other things, he has made the study of chess mandantory for all elementary school students. Meanwhile, former world champion Garry Kasparov has attempted to run for the presidency of Russia, without much success.
- Furthermore, they engineered the failure of the Broadway run of the musical Chess (through a bad script rewrite and bad reviews) in order to reduce any association between themselves and politics in the American public's imagination. The recent success of the concert version is a sign that they will soon reveal their plans to the world at large.
- Crop circles.
- Alternatively, aliens are space comedians which ships run on Helium. And said aliens have funny voices as a side effect. What, crop circles is just their way of doing humor!
- Maybe they run on methane? I mean that would explain all the missing cows...
- Alternatively, aliens are space comedians which ships run on Helium. And said aliens have funny voices as a side effect. What, crop circles is just their way of doing humor!
- And I, for one, welcome our new caffeinated overlords!
- Actually, it's a nano-mechanical entity disguising itself as a chemical, but the sentient part and enslaving part are right.
- Well, this is just obvious. Track the use of Jolt Cola and Red Bull among programmers at Microsoft to the creation of the Starbucks Coffee chain. The infection is radiating from Seattle. Obviously, the entity is the result of an escaped routine written by a Microserf.
- False. The infection can be traced back to the Boston Tea Party, shortly after which the nearby Massachusetts Institute of Technology began working on the foundations of the computing industry. Clearly, the entity is older than we think. It is likely to be alien in origin.
- MIT? In Boston? Where Dunkin' Donuts started? In The '50s, just before home electronics......oohhhh, NOW I see....
- This Troper can't stand caffiene or the effects of thereof. Viva la resistance!
- This troper used to drink soda by the gallons. He's feeling better now that he's broken free of that wonderful, syrupy brown... Um... I'll be right back...
- Yes... yessss... resistance is futile!
- Coca-Cola...Atlanta's Revenge?
- Perhaps the problem is only on coffee. Heck, coffee has a nasty charcoal taste, yet, people drink it like crazies! No, seriously, Coke's caffeine is just some sort of failed replica.
- No. coffee's caffeine is the Evil Twin of Soda's caffeine
- Leezle Pon will save us!
- There is no Area 51
- Actually, there is, but it's just a normal air force naval air base with no aliens or supertechnology or whatever.
- No, there is actually no Area 51! The conspiracy is in making you believe there ever was one.
- Nah, it exists, but only to distract us from the real weird things that are in Area 51-A.
- Actually, there is, but it's just a normal air force naval air base with no aliens or supertechnology or whatever.
- There are no black helicopters
- Alternatively, there are, but the black is only for camo and they are owned by ordinary government agencies everyone knows about like the FBI.
- There are no Illuminati
- There are, but they are a bunch of philosophical morons that don't have anything to do with world control, and their organization name changed for Scientology after a certain weirdo suggested that perhaps we're all alien offspring.
- There are no Underpants Gnomes
- Only Underpant-stealing midgets.
- The Freemasons are highly overrated
- True. Bunch of wussies.
- There are no mind-control rays that you need tinfoil hats to block.
- Tinfoil hats are innefectual, you need to be over a certain IQ number (let's suppose 100) to be immune, that is, only works on dumb people.
- We did in fact land on the moon, exactly as planned.
- And there probably was... Boring.
- The fluoridation of water is a perfectly sensible safety measure, and has nothing to do with Communists or our precious bodily fluids
- In truth, it serves to make teeth stronger. You wouldn't want tooth decay by eating too much sugar too early on your life, would you?
- Vaccines are not an attempt at mind control, nor at creating Alien/Human hybrids, nor do they cause autism, nor do they contain any form of nanotechnology.
- In truth, they might contain cloned horse DNA, if anything. But we won't turn into centaurs by taking this, we only will be more resistant.
- Evolution is not a conspiracy to turn children away from God and towards sin. Nor is sex education. Psychology as mind control devised by Lord Xenu isn't even worth considering.
- God is dead, and we killed him. Now, let's give a minute of silence for Him... Or not.
- Or, alternatively, all of the above is true but it didn't kill God. He doesn't really care whether we teach evolution or creationism, and He never thought sex was evil. And God is now laughing at us for our stupidity.
- Or, alternatively, 'God' does not exist.
- God is dead, and we killed him. Now, let's give a minute of silence for Him... Or not.
- Every half-baked, hare-brained load of nonsense vomited forth by some fertile mind into the collective consciousness is just that, nonsense.
- Except the Anti-Scientology ones. These guys are a bunch of rip-offs.
- Kekkonen wasn't replaced in the middle of his run as president and really did die in -86.
- JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, and the "magic bullet" path was in fact quite plausible.
- However, all of these conspiracy theories are useful, as they encourage people to be suspicious and fearful about nonexistent things, and thus hide the REAL work of the Omniscient Council Of Vagueness
- Said council may or may not include:
- Robin Williams
- Chuck Norris
- Barack Obama
- Bungie, All of Us.
- Pope John Paul II
- The current Pope, Pope Benedict XVI
- Haruhi Suzumiya
- One or more Time Lords
- The reanimated corpse of Abraham Lincoln
- Ronald Reagan in an Immortal Robot Body
- Richard Nixon in a ''giant'' Immortal Robot Body.
- Revolver Ocelot
- Hideo Kojima
- The World Chess Federation
- Stephen Colbert
- BRIAN BLESSED
- Ganondorf
- Gendo Ikari
- Matrix
- Anonymous (hey's he's anonymous)
- Jimbo Wales
- Someone that's just like Haruhi, but not Japanese at all. Or else, we would see giant tentacled flatchest tsundere Eldritch Abominations raping cute busty time-traveling girls. Or the entire world would take the whole honor stuff really seriously. Perhaps that RL Haruhi has just a really messed up mind and life, and what she imagines is actually the opposite of what happens.
- Your Mom
- Said council may or may not include:
- A sufficient number of people, each acting out of their own unenlightened self-interest is indestinguishable from a conspiracy to screw the average guy.
- Hey, if all conspiracy theories are false, wouldn't that mean everything on this page are 100% wrong? Oops, I mean... the pyramids in Egypt aren't actually pyramids... each one is simply a single square on the ground enhanced with alien technology to make them appear three dimensional to all the senses. Fooled ya!
The Council no longer bothers to conceal it's moves...
- ...knowing that they will instantly be refuted, disputed, and denied on the Internet.
- I'm sorry, I was right here, spacey, imagining that would be cool if humans levitated.
- The trumpets rang and the Angels descended and proclaimed Lo Lucifer now is the time to bring forth the Anti-Christ for the end of days.
- Have you read Good Omens?
- Apollo deniers are a conspiracy of nihilists who want to make humanity despairing and pliable so they'll have no will to grow, advance and throw off the chains of the powers that be, because they want to be those powers. Their chosen method: a nearly 40-year-long Hannibal Lecture. The Mythbusters are heroes for not letting them get away with it.
- Possibly, they are undercover agents of an evil alien empire who seek to prevent humanity from expanding into space and threatening their dominance by creating despair and distrust of the space program.
- And said alien empire might be what are known as the Anti-Spirals. Preventing us from expanding into space by making humanity despairing and pliable...
- Possibly, they are undercover agents of an evil alien empire who seek to prevent humanity from expanding into space and threatening their dominance by creating despair and distrust of the space program.
- 9/11 deniers are a conspiracy of nihilists who want to destroy modern societies on the whacked out theory that retrograde ones are somehow "purer". They are the infowarfare arm of the terrorists that commit physical violence. And, of course, they hope to obtain power in whatever's built on the ashes on the world, not realizing that they themselves are the ones usually targeted for destruction by the very people they are idolizing.
- Boy, someone has a beef with the troofers, also, some Unfortunate Implications with the "savages"
- Why yes, yes I do. Also, I heretically and unrepentantly call things like stoning, head-chopping, forcing half your population to wear tents, and killing people for witchcraft "savage". Call me old-fashioned. Or rather, new-fashioned.
- Ok, now I'm pissed off, conspiracy theorist "idolise" Islam, and the actions of some extremists represent the who spectrum of the religion?
- In truth, the Islamic extremists are destroying Islam's reputation to the rest of the world. Not that I ever cared for religion, anyways, but it's harsh to hate a different culture because of some mind-screwed people. Or else, we would be hating Germany because of Hitler!
- Godwin's Law is a conspiracy by competent reasoners to prevent the tubes of the internets from clogging with fallacies!
- Someone mention Unfortunate Implications? Step forward, Birch- I mean, Birthers!
- The birther movement is a Stealth Parody of conspiracy theories, and the main media outlets are in on the joke. That's why so little has been made of the fact that it's fronted by an immigrant, because you Don't Explain the Joke.
- Area 51 is just a smokescreen to draw attention away from where the aliens REALLY are.
- Which is code-named "Area 52".
- Wrong. Everyone guesses that the true Area 51 is a higher number than 51 (52, 53, etc.) 49 on the other hand...
- Wrong. In truth, the aliens are a cover story to prevent us from finding out what's really going on at Area 51.
- Wrong. In truth, the aliens are all the illegal kind, but they are not being sent back, because they don't want to have to rebuild the custom alien suits to another person.
- If I remember correctly it was burying and burning radioactive waste. If the base doesn't exist, you can't sue them!
- Which is code-named "Area 52".
- On that note, aliens did not crash at Roswell. There was no weather balloon either, however, and the whole "balloon" story was a coverup for the crash of an experimental government aircraft that had a large high-tech advantage over the enemy. Also, Roswell alien conspiracy theories have prompted the government to leak fake info on "aliens" to crazy theorists to cover up tests of experimental military technology that were noticed by the public, instead of blaming it on mundane things. After all, if the public knows about tomorrow's weapons, so do the enemy militaries.
- Mogul nuclear test-detection balloon train, IIRC.
- There's no Area 51, or Area 52. We are the aliens.
- And then we were zombies.
- The aliens could be the descendants of the original aliens that set out on their mission. They would reproduce, and raise their children to take over the mission once they are dead. The question is what their real mission is, and whether it actually includes Earth. They could just be stopping at any planet with useful resources which they can use to help them survive their journey. If they do have a mission here, they could be here to study us, or to destroy us, or anything else imaginable. Their mission could even be over, but they haven't left or they haven't started it yet as a form of procrastination, because they don't want to begin the dreadful journey back, when they know they will not see their home planet, and they will condemn many of their descendants to the same fate. Of course, they could also be on an endless journey to complete missions on different planets, which would be just as sad. Or they could have just forgotten what the hell they were supposed to be doing in the first place. *** aliens, why are you so mysterious with so many different possibilities? These are just theories based on the assumption you travel normally and don't have a long lifespan, too.
- Perhaps God did it to them.
- Actually, it would make a lot of... oh, *** ! (runs away from men in white coats)
- (Puts on white coat, quietly slips out the back)
- I feel more like I'm in Hell, if you ask me. Perhaps... After all, Kaballah says so.
- Well, my grandfather had a theory that we're all in hell now. Makes me kinda wonder what happened to him after he passed on.
- Speaking of which...
- Elvis is not dead, he just went home.
- He's actually hiding out somewhere in Bermuda under an unpronounceable assumed name. He's also producing all of Tupac Shakur's new albums. (Tupac's alive too, but he has laryngitis.)
- Hiding with him are John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Jimi Hendrix, and Bon Scott.
- If Elvis were alive, he'd be in his 70s by now.
- Yeah, so? That doesn't mean he couldn't play rock'n'roll!
- Case in point: The Rolling Stones. Which point that makes is up to the viewer.
- Actually, he's working at a Burger Lord in Des Moines.
- Famine probably had him fired by now.
- No, he actually just fell into Hammerspace and has been living there ever since.
- Or he's stuck in a crappy retirement home with Black JFK.
- Elvis is living in Wisconsin as a part of a Nakama of supposedly dead celebrities, including (but not limited to): Tupac Shakur, Michael Jackson, Princess Diana, Farrah Fawcett, Natasha Richardson, Heath Ledger, and Bea Arthur.
- He's a not-too-bright vampire bodyguard living in Louisiana. Also, he likes cats.
- Conversely, all so-called 'alien' UFOs were actually developed by the United States Military, and the myths about them being alien are actually propagated by the government to keep citizens and countries from paying close attention to them. Think about it: Groom Lake has been used since the '50s to test top-secret aircraft, many of which have very unusual profiles: The A-12 Oxcart/SR-71 Blackbird have a very flying saucer like front profile, flanked by two large engines; the F-117 Nighthawk stealth fighter matches the description of many triangular UFOs, and the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber can look like either; it has a flying-saucer like front profile and is a mostly triangular flying wing.
- Do they? How do we know that what we call "US Government" is really the US Government? As far as this European troper knows, the existence of that continent over the ocean might be an alien lie.
- If IRL can be Jossed, then this one was. The other Wiki shows the relevant image: the photo of General Ramey posing with the weather balloon wreckage shows him holding a paper in his hand which may or may not mention something about alien bodies. This editor can't really make anything out.
- There's a conspiracy theory that the US government perpetuated the hoax to stop anyone from figuring out what's really at Area 51.
- Which is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, and the whole place is a red herring.
- Have you been to Roswell? It is just another dot on the map with nothing interesting about it. So, their plan sucked.
- Except for all the alien-related tourist traps.
- There WAS an alien crash at/around Roswell in 1947, the US government DID make deals with the aliens... where do you think transistors and lasers came from? After a century or two of covert technological transfer, we humans will "discover" the interstellar drive and then the community.
- Of course, it's a little tricky to square the idea that transistors and lasers are reverse engineered alien technology with the fact that both were already understood on a theoretical level before 1947.
- This◊ is a replica of the first transistor. The original looks like even more of a piece of crap. The miniscule transistors we use these days may pass for advanced alien technology, but the early attempts... no so much...
- Unfortunately (for a few of us), aliens have kids. Alien kids go to college. College is a time of getting away from parents and parental controls, and experimenting with many many things. Including intoxicants.
- Sometimes they hang out in groups when getting intoxicated.
- Sometimes not-so-good ideas seem really funny when intoxicated...
- Sometimes, they are, in truth, the classroom nerds. It might explain bully to a T. Younger humans notice the alien individual better than adult ones, and try to expel them from the planet. But then, every time an alien commits suicide due to bullying, the worlds lose a piece of progress.
- ...
- All the abductions, cattle mutilations, implants, etc., are REAL, and COVERED UP BY THE GOVERMENTS OF THE WORLD... because who wants to be told, "Yeah, we know you got yanked out of your car, mind controlled, anal probed, and worse... but it was a bunch of drunk college aliens doing it, and they said they're sorry, and we think we got all the footage off You Tube..."?? Civilization would fall if this got out - 'cause, _I_ would revolt against my government if they couldn't keep a half-dozen drunken fratboys from kidnapping me and subjecting me to otherworldly anal humiliation and then FILMING IT.
- Piercings, dude, piercings. Tribal tattoos are their barcode.
- However, to the governments, joining interstellar civilization is too important to let these little incidents mess up the Grand Plan.
- Come on, the grassy knoll, the moon landing, the Roswell incident, it's all been a ridiculously complex Xanatos Roulette by the government to achieve something, but nothing happened between 1970 and 2000 conspiracy-wise. Obviously, The Patriots all died shortly before/after the moon landing and the grand master plan was lost forever. For security reasons, they didn't record anything, so now nobody knows what's real or not, and any conspiracy that took place involving those events are defunct.
- There are no conspiracies, life is just boring like that.
- The reason they tell the audience, episode after episode, not to try ANY of their experiments at home, even though some of them are quite safe, is that their results are faked. If you tested plant telepathy in the comfort of your own living room, it would work like a charm and you could use your unstoppable Ficus Army to overthrow the government.
- Oh, nice job. Now you just gave all the wannabe supervillains ideas. Now, excuse me for a moment while I train my own Ficus army for um... self-defense. Right.
- Unfortunately, Pynchon had published V. while eight years before Morrison died.
- Also, you say "he never expressed any familiarity with writing during his youth" - didn't he ace English at Cornell?
- Bono: Just look at Bono and tell me he isn't a Self-Insert Mary Sue.
- Ever noticed he's started to look like Robin Williams? Wait.... that's it! What if Bono's not the one writing the fanfic, Robin Williams is! That might explain a few things... about me anyway, like how I suddenly go off into wacky non-sequitors in the very same manner he does, complete with the voices. It sure explains why Bono's started looking like him... dear Robin wants another avatar.
- Will Smith.
- Mr T.
- My uncle, who has been mistaken for Bono on occasion.
- God. And he is a *** effing Mary Sue with God-like powers.
- Jesus is his Author Avatar.
- George W. Bush. He has attempted to paint himself as The Woobie and the Ensemble Dark Horse, but instead ended up as a Creator's Pet.
- 4-chan.
- Bill Bailey.
- FDR. He started writing it when Hitler was coming to power, about how he was elected president of the US and saved the world and the US became the dominant power. After a while he decided his character was a Mary Sue, so he killed himself off and just kept writing.
- A-CHUCK-A NORIIIS!!!!!
- Barack Obama.
- An anonymous Anti-Sue that inspired all the hardships in the world in her own life experience, and now probably is editing tropes like crazy to escape this horrible fiction. And you can't stop her because it's WMG.
- Tara Gillesbie. In fact, Real Life is every bit as bad of a fanfic as My Immortal, if not worse. You'd think we'd notice this, but do the characters in My Immortal notice the ridiculous plot and lack of logic in their universe? They don't, and neither do we. In the real Tara's universe, the logic and events in ours are seen as absurd, as they should be.
- Recently confirmed by (of all people) Grant Morrison: "There's only one story. Lucky for us, it contains all the others."
- Note: Reality is a multimedia wiki.
- Unless we live in a world where we 'think' we're Genre Savvy, but are actualy horrifically Genre Blind. In which case we're all dead anyway. Unless the author is planning to subvert Death by Genre Savviness...
- Let's hope Death By Sex isn't enabled...
- Guess what? STDs.
- Ooh! Then some of us would be immortal!
- Which explains why people go to such lengths to get laid. After all, Who Wants to Live Forever??
- Wouldn't explain how people die as virgins, though.
- Alternately, reality is an Epic Fantasy beloved by the nerds of the very boring "real" reality.
- You mean exactly like in Kingdom Of Loathing?
- Such boring reality might be just like Gray World on Fairy Odd Parents. It might explain daltonism/color blindness, and such people that suffer from these problems are the authors. It explains the Most Writers Are Male, too, since most color blindness genetic issues occur with greater chances on males.
- In truth, it's caused by trees with epilepsy disguised as people with Parkinson's. Michael J. Fox was one of the culprits.
- And then, there's no hope, no God, nothing besides reality. Surely a High Octane Nightmare Fuel.
- Not just a High Octane Nightmare Fuel, but that fact where there is only reality is WORSE than seeing an Eldritch Abomination in the face and then seeing the inside of its anus.
- It's not a Nightmare Fuel for a Nietzsche Wannabe, though. In fact the fact where nothing exists besides reality is their philosophy in life.
- Not just a High Octane Nightmare Fuel, but that fact where there is only reality is WORSE than seeing an Eldritch Abomination in the face and then seeing the inside of its anus.
- Alternatively, the world is exactly what it looks like. But the fact that non-transparent things are in the way of parts of it, and the fact that we see what we want to see, means that the best thing to do is always think both intensely and rationally about everything we see.
- If there is only reality, then the best thing to do is save it by overloading it with fun through fiction!
- Alternatively, everyone is Will Rogers' hallucination.
- So, God is dead, and stomach cancer has killed him?
- Quick, someone call Nietzsche!
- Didn't stomach cancer also kill Richard Feynman, who is also called God a lot?
- So... God is a Presbyterian? We knew it! We bloody knew it!
- Actually, This Troper has always hated Mister Rogers.
- Kill the blasphamer!
- This means that cats really are tools of the devil, but working on our side.
- Roaches have genetically engineered rodents to destroy humanity so they can rule after our demise. That's why they, in spite of being mammals, have so many roach-like characteristics. Roaches are playing a long game, but they all have faith that their descendants will inherit the earth.
- God is an insect, probably a roach or a beetle.
- Chinchillas are mostly harmless, and thus are a failed protoype.
- As are primates ourselves, having branched off from rodents millions of years ago. Roaches have been around since before the dinosaurs, so were obviously around to create the creatures they would now have to destroy. Which makes us the hideous genetic mutants.
- My mother would think otherwise]...
- Alternately, other sentient species might have invented plastics, but also a way to decompose it again, much like we are hoping to be able to do soon, for the environment's sake. See The Relict in the Pitch Testing Zone.
- One thing from our civilization that would persist for a very long time is that we have used all or almost all of the easy mineral resources. Such resources are replenished on various geological time scales, but many such resources can't be replenished before the Earth is rendered uninhabitable by the growing Sun. No future civilizations will stroll up a mountain, see some oddly colored rocks, and accidentally discover Copper. We can be reasonably confident there have been no technological civilizations before us. (Which is not the same as "sentient", of course.) You can keep going and hypothesize that somebody put those resources back, which is just faintly theoretically possible (when your civilization transcends, leave behind nanobots programmed to return resources to ore in just such a way that it looks totally natural, then methodically destroy themselves), but you're definitely getting out into the "can't prove it even in theory" domain there. Or we aren't the first civilization, but the bastards before us used up all the Phlebotinum.
- One possiblity is that a small, stone-age civilization existed, but died out.
- The whales are sentient. So are dolphins, even if they are kind of insane. But if you're counting sentience as dependence on tools and other material posessions, then the dinosaurs did it. Probably the raptor group, while they were growing feathers, maybe before that.
- As per the above theory, the most intelligent species on the planet is using us all to find the meaning of life.
- Dinos had such huge brains, so, it means they used it for something.
- Our cities will probably degrade to rich piles of ore. So the next civilizations will have easy metal. But they will have a lot of trouble with burnable fuel - it won't restore itself for a _long_ time. So we can think that previous civilization had a lot more fuel, and thus they probably managed to get away from earth. And the aliens who visit earth are archaeologists or tourists who want to see where their ancestors lived.
- Alternatively, Arlen Specter is a ghost wizard.
- The meaning of his name began unfolding on April 28, 2009, when he joined the Democratic Party. He will be a political 'specter', as he (in the public perception) gave the Democrats their 60th vote. The only question is: Whom will he haunt? The Republicans, for allowing the Democrats to roll out their full agenda and giving the public the idea that they are a party of extremists? Or the Democrats, for making them overconfident and leaving them (in the public's view) with no excuse not to fix the country?
- See the above WMG.
- Regina Spektor means "Queen Ghost." Just wanted to throw that out there.
- That would explain her constant singing about gravediggers.
- Let's break this down: Meaningful name? Check. Beautiful singing voice? Check. Spunky and cheerful? Check. Proficiency with a random musical instrument? Check. Speaks several languages fluently? Check. Defector from Decadence (Soviet Union)? Check. Humble? Check. Sickeningly sweet? Check. Smiles and Sunshine and Universal Love in her presence? Hell yes, you can power a lightbulb just by holding it near her. Just plain cooler and better than you? Check. Red hair (because All Heroes Want Redheads), bright blue eyes, "pouty lips," and "large and supple breasts?" Check. Unique, frilly outfits? Check. New words get made up to describe her? Reginasaurus, anyone? She probably has a fucking katana and an animal companion, too. Total unrealistic Mary Sue.
- Therefore, Regina Spektor is this universe's Purity Sue. And therefore a self-insert of God. Who is a 13-year old girl. Who is also Robin Williams. Who is Revolver Ocelot. Who was...Russian. With a spectre for a father and a warrior queen for a mother... it all makes sense.
Back to WMG.Real Life.