Quotes / Tempting Fate

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    Anime and Manga 

They haven't breached The Wall in 100 years.
— Several characters from Attack on Titan, on the day just that happens

What if it knew its master is dead? I wonder what the familiar would do then. It's not like it's unchained and going to return to its original form, right?
— A Random Guard, before said familiar becomes a wild demonic beast again, Blue Exorcist episode 10

    Comic Books 

Huh? The old "suddenly shutting door" trick, eh? I was hoping for something more imagina— Whoops! Machine guns in the floorboards — something tells me I should have kept my mouth shut!

What an action-jammed day! To think I was sad, earlier, because I didn't have enough action! The rest of the day will probably will be quiet...
Supergirl did not learn her lesson, Action Comics #270

    Fan Fiction 

"I am quite aware of the ramifications that surround our guests and their positions. Believe me that nothing will occur that is not exactly as I intend."
Anyone who'd had the education Weiss Schnee had received should really have known better than to invoke a literary convention like that.

Oh, now you've done it. Next time it will be Godzilla because you said that. I know how these movies work.
Shinji after Asuka complains about their debut battle being too easy, A Crown of Stars chapter 55

Armin: "The wall may have not broken in one hundred years, but there’s no guarantee it won’t happen today, and still…"
Link: Sits up, gives Armin a Death Glare. "Armin?"
Armin: "Yes?"
Link: "You do know you’ve just doomed us all, right?"
The Infinite Loops, during a The Legend of Zelda & Attack on Titan Fused Loop, just before the Titans destroy the wall.

"You hear me, world!?" [Yang] took a fighting stance. "You can't keep me here!" Her fist slammed into the large double door and caused it to fly open. "You can't keep me anywhere!" she proclaimed as she strode into the courtyard that really should have been familiar to her. "Nothing will stand in my way today!"
The oversized Asylum Demon slammed into the ground from above and hissed unnaturally as it locked its ugly gaze on the intruder.
"Except that!"

Chapter 39 closing: This had not been a peaceful night. But at least it couldn't get worse.
Chapter 40 opening: In all the time I've spent on Remnant, one of the most important tips I had learnt: never, ever say that things can't get any worse. Because they always will.

Death Phantom: Oh, for goodness sake, now they're all ganging up on me? What else could go wrong? ...I said that ironically, so I think I'm safe.
(Chibi-Usa powers up into Princess Chibi-Serenity)
Death Phantom: Oh, Hell's bells and balls. TWO Silver Crystals? Now that's just overkill.

"I don't need to mix my drink like some kind of pussy," Kukaku announced before taking a big gulp from her cup. Her eyes quickly became three times their normal size as she let out a chest-rattling cough. "SHIT!" she croaked between hacks.

    Film - Animated 

Aladdin: You're only in trouble if you get caught!
Captain Razoul: Gotcha!
Aladdin: I'm in trouble!
Aladdin

Aladdin: For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right.
Aladdin, again, right before he is kidnapped by Jafar's flunkies, bound and gagged, and tossed in a lake

Stop that! Every time you say "we survived," we don't!
Torben, Äpplet Och Masken (The Apple And The Worm)

And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!

Tai Lung: What are you gonna do? SIT ON ME?!
Po: Don't tempt me.

    Film - Live-Action 

Jay: Guys like us don't fall out of the fucking sky, y'know?!
(Rufus falls out of the sky)
Jay: (looking up) Beautiful, big-tittied women don't fall out of the sky!
(nothing happens)
Dogma

Yes! I am INVINCIBLE!
— Last words of Boris Grishenko, GoldenEye

Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.

Things couldn't possibly get any worse! (runs straight into Butch and Woim) Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"
Alfalfa, The Little Rascals

Gentlemen, there is no way that we can lose!
Art just before the Martians blow up his hotel, Mars Attacks!

Evelyn: It's just a box. No harm ever came from opening a box.
Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?

Randy: Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back." 'Cause you won't be back.
Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Stu: I'll be right back!
Randy: You see, you push the laws, and you end up dead, okay? I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

    Literature 

"I think we'll be okay," I said, and of course as soon as the words left my mouth we took our first hit on the bottom of the starboard wing.

Never assume you're safe, and never, ever tempt the Fates by announcing that you think you're safe.
Piper McLean, The Heroes of Olympus

It simply would have been rude for reality not to respond to a challenge like that.
Railsea

Bigwig: I'd like to try standing up to some of the elil. We're afraid of too many.
(a stooping kestrel hits the den like a missile, give a Death Glare at everyone inside, and abruptly vanishes)
Silver: Like to try standing up to that one? Let me know. I'll come and watch.

Right after the Reification and the Go Away War, there was a period of what you might call undue optimism. One particular town was built with two fingers up to the recent past, part of a new breed of bright, safe places where we could all get on with real life again, pay tax and worry about our hairlines and our middle-aged spread, and is the guy next door flouting the hosepipe in the summer heat? They called it Heyerdahl Point, and they sold it as an adventure in neo-suburban frontiersmanship. About 5000 people lived there. It had its own little capillary of the Jorgmund Pipe making it secure, and it perched on a hilltop so the people there could look down on the valleys below and out into the dangerous mists of the unreal, and know they were pushing back the boundary just by being there.
"One day," they would say to one another over decaf, "all this will be fields."
Now it was called Drowned Cross.

I'm not impressed by the caliber so far. Enemies this weak shouldn't have broken our lines. *raises her shield expectantly*

    Live-Action TV 

It's a good thing [the fight] ended when it did; we wouldn't have been able to take much more. (monitor beeps, indicating more Clark-loyalist ships have just arrived) Oh, no.
David Corwin, Babylon 5, "Severed Dreams"

Doctor: They said I was gonna die. They said "He will knock four times," and I think I know what that means — and it doesn't mean right here, right now, 'cause I don't hear anyone knocking, do you?
Zombie: (knock-knock-knock-)
Doctor: Three knocks is all you're getting! (electrocutes him)
Doctor Who, "The Waters of Mars"

Ida: We've come this far, there's no turning back.
The Doctor: Oh, did you have to? "No turning back?" That's almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong" or "This is gonna be the best Christmas Walford's ever had!"
Doctor Who, "The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit"

YEEEESS! HOORAY FOR THE NAZIS! YEEEEEAHHH! Please don't take this out of context and put it on YouTube.

Grizzaka: It's your turn to learn the same lesson all of my enemies have. There is no one as powerful as Grizzaka... and NEVER will be.
(the rangers form the Jungle Master Stampede formation and use it to destroy Grizzaka)
Grizzaka: (as his body prepares to explode) IMPOSSIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN GRIZZZAKKKAAAA!!! (he blows up)

Jeremy Clarkson: How hard can it be?
Richard Hammond: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread I feel whenever you mention the words "How hard can it be"...

    Tabletop Games 

A minute later, the Shaper drops the ancient carrion and laughs. "I've done it!" she says. "I've won the Jyhad - and found a way out! I don't have to be what my sire made me! I can be a god - and this city, my temple!" The Shaper waves a hand again, and the rubble of the city rises into the air and glitters as it transforms into spires, walls and domes of crystal. "I can change you too, my loyal servants!" she calls to the characters as her own body begins to glitter. "I can change you all! No more vampires! No more Curse!"
And then the ground beneath the Shaper molds into an enormous fanged mouth and eats her whole. The Reign of Ennoia, the First Gangrel, has begun.

    Theatre 

We'll have a family
Three kids or four
Lights in the window
Christmas wreath on the door
Roses are red, love
Weddings are white
We'll have tomorrow
If we
Make it through tonight!
Cut Song from Little Shop of Horrors, immediately preceding Seymour and Audrey both dying tragically

    Video Games 

GLaDOS: Okay, I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Wheatley: [...] You're not gonna believe this! I found a sealed-off wing, hundreds, hundreds of perfectly good test chambers! Just sitting there! Filled with skeletons, shook them out, good as new!
GLaDOS: Skeletons... Right, I guess I did stockpile some tests...

Great! I snuck into the villain's stronghold and gave him the item of power. What else could go wrong?
The Hero, moments before the Lake Hydra appears, AdventureQuest Worlds

What a nice day. Just walkin' out in the sun, talkin' into my ECHO recorder, hoping skags won't ambush me and break my gun into four separate pieces before eating them. OH GOD! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING! AHHHHH!

Fate is like a caged gorilla. It will pelt you with dung if you mock it.
Warriv, Diablo II

Tonight's maintenance will be longer than usual while we do some server administration type stuff. I expect it to take less than an hour, total.
Kingdom of Loathing announcement of October 25, 2005, immediately before Jick accidentally dropped the entire database

Axe Knight: Kirby is headed for the reactor!
Mace Knight: If we lose the reactor, this is all over for sure!
Captain Vul: Never fear. I don't think Kirby can do anything to the reactor.
Waddle Dee: So long as a reflected laser doesn't hit the reactor, it will be invincible.
Captain Vul: Eeeyah! Don't even say things like that!
Kirby Super Star, "Revenge of Meta Knight" (Ultra version)

Tevos: Commander, do not cut me off like last time. I fail to find it amusing.
Shepard: Whoops!
Joker: Aaand we're out.

Tali: Shepard, this is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib. Do not ask about the name.
Shepard: ...you have a ship named Qwib-Qwib?
Tali: Oh, here we go...

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized. They would be more effective if they all attacked at once.
Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas!
[...]
Liara: Watch out! This next wave looks like a big one!
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But we will face less of them inside.
Shepard: Yeah, keep dreaming, T'soni.
[...]
Liara: More of them! How many does the Shadow Broker need?
Shepard: I told you.

So long as the Turks manage to combine their new system of centralized government with their innate abilities as mounted warriors, then their position in this corner of the world looks most secure. After all, how likely is it that an even more fierce and formidable race of nomadic warriors sweep down from the steppes?
— Turkish campaign brief, Medieval II: Total War

Empty platitudes. If you are so certain of yourself, then show me the true extent of your power! (gets beaten by Spiritia) Gah... I had not expected such an outcome...!
Graf Sepperin, RosenkreuzStilette

An intriguingly lumpy sack. It's probably not a sack full of skulls.
(after opening it)
It is, in fact, a sack full of skulls. Who the hell puts skulls in a sack?
Sunless Sea, possible result while opening a Cache of Curiosities

    Webcomics 

Thief: Pff, what could he possibly do?
Black Mage: Oh... please don't say that out loud.
Thief: No, think about what he said. We're Light Warriors, dammit. I bet he can't hurt us any worse than we hurt each other every day.
Red Mage: Thief kinda has a point. We're our own worst enemies! What can he do?!
(POIT!)
Black Mage: ...
Red Mage: ...What if I said it was a rhetorical question?

Ask not for whom it gets worse. It gets worse for thee.

Soldier: Oh boy, I hope I don't get shot in the face.
Ocelot: Shot in the face, you say. [...] (does so)
Soldier: OW Why would you even do that

Well, now, really, what did you expect after a line like that?

Phillips: What, you think hubris invites ironic downfall? It is to laugh!
Unity: Nice knowin' you, Phillips.

    Web Original 

Makoto: We should get to bed, anyway.
Nagisa: Bed?! But what about possible axe-murderers?!
Makoto: We'll be fine. Nothing bad will happen at all...
(dramatic pause, and cut to the next morning)
Rei: I cannot believe nothing bad actually happened.
Nagisa: And we resolved Makoto's goblin-based dad issues pretty well.
Haru: And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe-murderer was love all along.
50% OFF

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING BRINGING THE HOLY RELICS OF THE PATRON SAINT OF COMEDIANS TO GOTHAM CITY?! OH MY GOD. THERE ARE LIKE TWO HUNDRED REASONS THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
Chris Sims on Batman: The Brave and the Bold #191

There's a line between tempting fate and dressing up in a low-cut gown, lying on a bed covered in thousand dollar bills and purring "Oh Fate, you big handsome stud."

This past summer, my wife and I rented a house in Costa Rica for a month long vacation. Upon arrival, the property manager warned us that raccoons could get into the trash. To prevent this, he supplied a well-frayed bungee cord intended to secure the lid...The house itself was great, with one minor inconvenience. After use, toilet paper was to be placed in the trash, rather than flushed. Evidently, the sewer system in this part of the country was not up to handling non-human waste.
The first trash day came and went without incident; shortly thereafter, my wife's family arrived for a visit. They are a rule-following group. Increasing the number of residents from 2 to 11, including a diaper-bound toddler, caused a radical increase in toilet paper usage and food consumption. Luckily, we had the 1993 bungee cord protecting us.

Leo: You are on full health, dude!
Raph: Aw, now we will never get to Shredder.
Mike: Aw, quit your bitchin'! I'm sure we will be fine without [a full health] pizza for five more min- (Donatello, Leo, Raphael die to a ball and chain dropped on them)
(respawn)
Mike: Well, now you guys definitely don't need it.
Raph: F*** you.
Dorkly Originals, "TMNT Argue Over Pizza"

I swear, the only thing I hate more than weaklings is the color pink!
(long beat)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

The first night is never usually that bad in any game, so I'll play through- (gets jumped)

You know, I need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.

Wash: It's OK, we don't need him to believe. Until the next time we encounter the Meta.
(something thumps on the roof)
Wash: What the hell was that?
Sarge: Come on, d'ya even need to ask?
Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction, chapter 18

Slowbeef: Okay, this is Xenogears. So there's no fucking way you have a Bill Clinton joke.
Diabeetus: (in faux-Bill Clinton accent) I'll show you something that's Weltall.
Slowbeef: Shit.
Diabeetus: Sorry.

With the amount of dignity lost, I don't see how this could possibly get any... (Record Needle Scratch) ...worse?

Wait... so they're lingering on a shot of a frieze before introducing Mr. Freeze? Huh... that's actually pretty clever, maybe this won't be so bad...

Is there fall damage? (splat) Yep.

You don't need the brakes! I'm a professional minecart driver!
ProtonJon, shortly before everyone dies in lava, The Runaway Guys

Jon: You might actually win this.
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon.
Jon: You might win this!
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon!
Jon: But you're not flipp... (Chuggaa flips over and loses)

Sips: Let's try to be careful, though. We've got the Staff of Magnus now, we don't want any funny business. We don't want anyone to just like, all of sudden turn up and be like, "Hohoho, travelers! Thanks for getting the Staff of Magnus for me! I'll be taking that!" And then we have to like chase them to the end of the earth and, and get the staff back. We just wanna - oh shit! See! Who's this?! Anaconda, is that you?! What, what's the meaning of this?!
Estormo: So, you made it out alive. Ancano was right, you are dangerous. I'm afraid I'll have to take that Staff from you now.
Sips: Oh fuck, I called it.
Sips Plays Skyrim Part 37 - "Intense Wizardry"

90% of you didn't know you could download DVDs off the internet until we fucking told you not to do it in ads before movies.

Spike: Be careful when you open that door...
Barley: What, is it gonna be like, another fucking zombie?

I feel like when I say things like that, I'm just asking for some wonderful fucking involvement of the heavens to just prove me wrong. It's like some glorious divine intervention... to fuck me over.

"So where's all the evil? I haven't seen it yet..."
"Really? The guys trying to stab you — or rather, cut you with axes — while saying crazy Spanish shit isn't evil?"
"I don't see anything evil at all in this place." (sees a corpse impaled by a pitchfork) "Oh. Oh, ok."

    Western Animation 

The Vision: That was of minimal difficulty.
Hawkeye: Did you just say this was easy? You never say it was easy, EVER!
The Vision: Why?
(A brainwashed Thor appears)
Thor: Your end has come, betrayers!
Hawkeye: That's why.

Wazzpinator having good day! Not yet shot once!
Waspinator, immediately before Rattrap shoots him out of the sky, Beast Wars

"Never" is Karma's doorbell. Ding-dong, it's for you.
Sam after Danny pranks Dash, Danny Phantom

Ton-Ton: Is that the best you can do, storm?!
Dozer: Yeah, is that the best ya got?! Bring it on, storm!
Ton-Ton: You hear that, storm?!
Both: Bring it on!
(the storm gets even worse)
Dozer: We take it back, storm!
Ton-Ton: Yeah! Just kidding, storm dude!
Dino Trux, "Wind"

The lab defenses should keep [the Moloids] out as long as the electricity holds. (power goes out) Well, that changes things.

Bugs Bunny: (in a taxicab) Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! What a knucklehead. You gotta get up early in the morning to outsmart this rabbit!
Elmer Fudd: (behind the wheel) I got up at a quarter of five!
Looney Tunes, "Hare Do" (1949)

The fate of Equestria doesn't depend on my making friends.

The Emperor: (to Royal Guard) Hey, wanna see me tempt fate? Could this day get any worse?! I did it ironically, so I think I'm safe.
(one hour later, as Darth Vader is killing the Emperor)
The Emperor: What are you doing? P-PUT ME DOWN! AHHHHHHHH!!!
Robot Chicken, the second Star Wars special

Marge: I think you're making him angry...
Reporter: Come oooon, what's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Springfield?

Me and my crew are gonna go on piratin' forever!
Cartman just before the Navy SEALS shoot all the Somalians, South Park, "Fatbeard"

Valtor: What're you gonna do, hit me with the Water Stars?
Layla: Coming right up.
Winx Club, "The Spell of the Elements"

    Real Life 

The dream to kill me will never be completed.

If you win, you need not have to explain. If you lose, you should not be there to explain!

The play went smoothly until the final commercial, which was also done live. In a dramatically - even reverently - lit corner of the studio there was a special chapel for the Westinghouse refrigerator, for which we toiled... "And it all works so easily. You just press the magic button..." She pressed the button. Nothing happened. Close shot of the actress' panicky face. Then, as she gabbled incoherently, the sound of a crowbar prying open the door. On cue now, she turned, pressed the button and, like a lover come home from who knows what crusade, the door fell into her waiting arms.
Gore Vidal, Palimpsest

What are you gonna do, stab me?

We’re heading into nut country today. But Jackie, if somebody wants to shoot me from a window with a rifle, nobody can stop it, so why worry about it?


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/TemptingFate