Quotes / Tempting Fate

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"Things couldn't possibly get any worse! *runs straight into Butch and Woim* Then the clouds opened up and God said, 'I hate you, Alfalfa!'"
Alfalfa, The Little Rascals

"Well, now, really, what did you expect after a line like that?"

“Oh, now you’ve done it. Next time it will be Godzilla because you said that. I know how these movies work,”
Shinji after Asuka complained about their debut battle being too easy, A Crown of Stars, chapter 55

"It simply would have been rude for reality not to respond to a challenge like that."
-China Mieville, in Railsea.

" 'Never' is Karma's doorbell. Ding-dong, it's for you."
Sam, on a prank Danny played on Dash.

Stop that! Every time you say 'we survived', we don't!
Torben, Äpplet Och Masken (The Apple And The Worm)

"Ask not for whom it gets worse. It gets worse for thee."

"Gentlemen, there is no way that we can lose!"
Art just before the Martians blow up his hotel, Mars Attacks!

Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.

"You know, I need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut."

Randy: Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back." 'Cause you won't be back.
Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Randy: You see, you push the laws, and you end up dead, okay? I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

The Vision: That was of minimal difficulty.
Hawkeye: Did you just say this was easy? You never say it was easy, EVER!
The Vision: Why?
(A brainwashed Thor appears)
Thor: Your end has come, betrayers!
Hawkeye: That's why.

"Me and my crew are gonna go on piratin' forever!"
Cartman just before the Navy SEALS shoot all the Somalians, South Park, "Fatbeard"

Aladdin: You're only in trouble if you get caught!
(Razoul, captain of the Royal Guards, grabs Aladdin.)
Razoul: Gotcha!
Marge: I think you're making him angry...
Reporter: Come oooon, what's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Springfield?

Leo: You are on full health, dude!
Raph: Aw, now we will never get to Shredder.
Mike: Aw, quit your bitchin'! I'm sure we will be fine without pizza (full health) for five more min- (Donatello, Leo, Raphael died due to a ball and chain dropped on them)
Mike: Well, now you guys definitely don't need it.
Raph: F*** you.
Dorkly Originals, TMNT Argue Over Pizza.

"I think we'll be okay," I said, and of course as soon as the words left my mouth we took our first hit on the bottom of the starboard wing.

"Yes! I am invincible!"
Boris Grishenko, GoldenEye, moments before being killed

Wash: It's OK, we don't need him to believe. Until the next time we encounter the Meta.
(Loud thump on roof)
Wash: What the hell was that?
Sarge: Come on, d'ya even need to ask?
Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction, chapter 18

Tali: Shepard, this is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib. Do not ask about the name.
Shepard: ...you have a ship named Qwib-Qwib?
Tali: Oh, here we go...

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized. They would be more effective if they all attacked at once.
Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas!
Liara: Watch out! This next wave looks like a big one!
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But we will face less of them inside.
Shepard: Yeah, keep dreaming T'soni.
(Later in the base...)
Liara: More of them, how many does the Shadow Broker need?
Shepard: I told you.

Tevos: Commander, do not cut me off like last time. I fail to find it amusing.
Joker: Aaand we're out.

Seymour and Audrey: We'll have a family/Three kids or four/Lights in the window/Christmas wreath on the door/Roses are red, love/Weddings are white/We'll have tomorrow/If we/Make it through tonight!
Cut Song from Little Shop of Horrors, immediately preceding said characters both dying tragically

The Emperor: [to Royal Guard] Hey, wanna see me tempt fate? Could this day get any worse?! I did it ironically, so I think I'm safe.
[One hour later, as Darth Vader is killing the Emperor]
The Emperor: What are you doing? P-PUT ME DOWN! AHHHHHHHH!!!

"The fate of Equestria doesn't depend on my making friends."
Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, It does. It totally does.

Red Mage: We're our own worst enemies! What can he do?!
Black Mage:...
Red Mage:... What if I said it was a rhetorical question?

Valtor: What're you gonna do, hit me with the Water Stars?
Layla: Coming right up. (lets the Water Stars blast Valtor)
Winx Club Episode 77 (The Spell of the Elements)

Grizzaka: It's your turn to learn the same lesson all of my enemies have. There is no one as powerful as Grizzaka... and NEVER will be.
(the rangers form the Jungle Master Stampede formation and use it to destroy Grizzaka)
Grizzaka: (as his body prepares to explode) IMPOSSIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN GRIZZZAKKKAAAA!!! (he blows up)

Graf Sepperin: Empty platitudes. If you are so certain of yourself, then show me the true extent of your power! (gets beaten by Spiritia) Gah... I had not expected such an outcome...!

Chapter 39 closing: This had not been a peaceful night. But at least it couldn't get worse.
Chapter 40 opening: In all the time I've spent on Remnant, one of the most important tips I had learnt: never, ever say that things can't get any worse. Because they always will.

''"Great! I snuck into the villain's stronghold and gave him the item of power. What else could go wrong?"
The Hero, AdventureQuest Worlds, moments before the Lake Hydra appears

Tai Lung: What are you gonna do? SIT ON ME?!
Po: Don't tempt me.

"I don't need to mix my drink like some kind of pussy," Kukaku announced before taking a big gulp from her cup. Her eyes quickly became three times their normal size as she let out a chest-rattling cough. "SHIT!" she croaked between hacks.

"Wazzpinator having good day! Not yet shot once!"
(Rattrap shoots Waspinator out of the sky)

''"What if it knew its master is dead? I wonder what the familiar would do then. It's not like it's unchained and going to return to its original form, right?"
(Next we see the familiar, it has become a wild demonic beast again)
— Random Guard, Blue Exorcist episode 10.

Axe Knight: Kirby is headed for the reactor!
Mace Knight: If we lose the reactor, this is all over for sure!
Captain Vul: Never fear. I don't think Kirby can do anything to the reactor.
Waddle Dee: So long as a reflected laser doesn't hit the reactor, it will be invincible.
Captain Vul: Eeeyah! Don't even say things like that!
Kirby Super Star, "Revenge of Meta Knight" (Ultra version)

Doctor: They said I was gonna die. They said "He will knock four times," and I think I know what that means — and it doesn't mean right here, right now, 'cause I don't hear anyone knocking, do you?
Zombie: knock-knock-knock-
Doctor: Three knocks is all you're getting! (electrocutes him)
Doctor Who, "The Waters of Mars"

Jay: Guys like us don't fall out of the fucking sky, y'know?! [Enter Rufus from the sky. Looks up.] Beautiful, big-tittied women don't fall out of the sky! [Nothing happens]

Evelyn: It's just a box. No harm ever came from opening a box.
Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?
The Mummy Returns, harkening back to The Mummy (1999)

Phillips: What, you think hubris invites ironic downfall? It is to laugh!
Unity: Nice knowin' you, Phillips.

"The lab defenses should keep [the Moloids] out as long as the electricity holds. (Power goes out) Well, that changes things."

"Never assume you're safe, and never, ever tempt the Fates by announcing that you think you're safe."
Piper McLean, The Heroes of Olympus

"And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!" *promptly gets smited and plunged into a fiery pit*
Judge Claude Frollo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Ida: We've come this far, there's no turning back.
The Doctor: Oh, did you have to? "No turning back"? That's almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong" or "This is gonna be the best Christmas Walford's ever had!"
Doctor Who, "The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit"

A minute later, the Shaper drops the ancient carrion and laughs. "I've done it!" she says. "I've won the Jyhad - and found a way out! I don't have to be what my sire made me! I can be a god - and this city, my temple!" The Shaper waves a hand again, and the rubble of the city rises into the air and glitters as it transforms into spires, walls and domes of crystal. "I can change you too, my loyal servants!" she calls to the characters as her own body begins to glitter. "I can change you all! No more vampires! No more Curse!"
And then the ground beneath the Shaper molds into an enormous fanged mouth and eats her whole. The Reign of Ennoia, the First Gangrel, has begun.

Bigwig: I'd like to try standing up to some of the elil. We're afraid of too many.
(Stooping kestrel hits the den like a missile, give a Death Glare at everyone inside, and abruptly vanishes.)
Silver: Like to try standing up to that one? Let me know. I'll come and watch.

It's a good thing [the fight] ended when it did; we wouldn't have been able to take much more. (monitor beeps, indicating more Clark-loyalist ships have just arrived) Oh, no.
David Corwin, Babylon 5 ("Severed Dreams")

What an action-jammed day! To think I was sad, earlier, because I didn't have enough action! The rest of the day will probably will be quiet...
Supergirl proving she didn't learn her lesson, Action Comics #270

Ton-Ton: Is that the best you can do, storm?!
Dozer: (joining in)' Yeah, is that the best ya got?! Bring it on, storm!
Ton-Ton: You hear that, storm?!
Both: Bring it on!
the storm gets even worse
Ton-Ton: Yeah! Just kidding, storm dude!
Dino Trux: "Wind"

Huh? The old "suddenly shutting door" trick, eh? I was hoping for something more imagina— Whoops! Machine guns in the floorboards — something tells me I should have kept my mouth shut!

    real life 
"What are you gonna do, stab me?"

"If you win, you need not have to explain. If you lose, you should not be there to explain!"
Adolf Hitler note 

"There's a line between tempting fate and dressing up in a low-cut gown, lying on a bed covered in thousand dollar bills and purring 'Oh Fate, you big handsome stud.'"

Jeremy Clarkson: How hard can it be?
Richard Hammond: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread I feel whenever you mention the words "How hard can it be"...

This past summer, my wife and I rented a house in Costa Rica for a month long vacation. Upon arrival, the property manager warned us that raccoons could get into the trash. To prevent this, he supplied a well-frayed bungee cord intended to secure the lid...The house itself was great, with one minor inconvenience. After use, toilet paper was to be placed in the trash, rather than flushed. Evidently, the sewer system in this part of the country was not up to handling non-human waste.
The first trash day came and went without incident; shortly thereafter, my wife's family arrived for a visit. They are a rule-following group. Increasing the number of residents from 2 to 11, including a diaper-bound toddler, caused a radical increase in toilet paper usage and food consumption. Luckily, we had the 1993 bungee cord protecting us.

"The play went smoothly until the final commercial, which was also done live. In a dramatically—even reverently—lit corner of the studio there was a special chapel for the Westinghouse refrigerator, for which we toiled... 'And it all works so easily. You just press the magic button...' She pressed the button. Nothing happened. Close shot of the actress' panicky face. Then, as she gabbled incoherently, the sound of a crowbar prying open the door. On cue now, she turned, pressed the button and, like a lover come home from who knows what crusade, the door fell into her waiting arms."
Gore Vidal, Palimpsest

"The dream to kill me will never be completed."

Chris Sims on Batman: The Brave and the Bold #191

"Wait...so they're lingering on a shot of a frieze before introducing Mr. Freeze? Huh...that's actually pretty clever; maybe this won't be so bad..."

"90% of you didn't know you could download DVDs off the internet until we fucking told you not to do it in ads before movies."

Slowbeef: Okay, this is Xenogears. So there's no fucking way you have a Bill Clinton joke.
Diabeetus *In faux-Bill Clinton accent*: I'll show something that's Weltall.
Slowbeef: Shit.
Diabeetus: Sorry.

"With the amount of dignity lost, I don't see how this could possibly get any.." *Record Needle Scratch* "...worse?"

"You don't need the brakes! I'm a professional minecart driver!"
ProtonJon from The Runaway Guys. Several seconds later, they fall in the lava because they didn't use the brakes.

Spike: Be careful when you open that door...
Barley: What, is it gonna be like, another Fucking zombie?

"So where's all the evil? I haven't seen it yet..."
"Really? The guys trying to stab you — or rather, cut you with axes — while saying crazy Spanish shit isn't evil?"
"I don't see anything evil at all in this place." (sees a corpse impaled by a pitchfork) "Oh. Oh, ok."

"YEEEESS! HOORAY FOR THE NAZIS! YEEEEEAHHH! Please don't take this out of context and put it on YouTube."

"Is there fall damage? (...) Yep."
Ray Narvaez, Rooster Teeth, playing "Terror in Terrorist Town" and jumping off a rooftop without realizing there was fall damage.

Soldier: Oh boy, I hope I don't get shot in the face.
I swear, the only thing I hate more than weaklings is the color pink!

DEATH PHANTOM: Oh, for goodness sake, now they're all ganging up on me? What else could go wrong? ...I said that ironically, so I think I'm safe.
[Chibi-Usa powers up into Princess Chibi-Serenity]
DEATH PHANTOM: Oh, Hell's bells and balls. TWO Silver Crystals? Now that's just overkill.

"What a nice day. Just walkin' out in the sun, talkin' into my ECHO recorder, hoping skags won't ambush me and break my gun into four separate pieces before eating them. OH GOD! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING! AHHHHH!"

"I am quite aware of the ramifications that surround our guests and their positions. Believe me that nothing will occur that is not exactly as I intend."
Anyone who'd had the education Weiss Schnee had received should really have known better than to invoke a literary convention like that.
— The fanfiction Belladonna Lillies

"They haven't breached The Wall in 100 years."
— Several characters from Attack on Titan, on the day just that happens.

"You hear me, world!?" She took a fighting stance. "You can't keep me here!" Her fist slammed into the large double door and caused it to fly open. "You can't keep me anywhere!" she proclaimed as she strode into the courtyard that really should have been familiar to her. "Nothing will stand in my way today!"
The oversized Asylum Demon slammed into the ground from above and hissed unnaturally as it locked its ugly gaze on the intruder.
"Except that!"

I feel like when I say things like that, I'm just asking for some wonderful fucking involvement of the heavens to just prove me wrong. It's like some glorious divine intervention...to fuck me over.

Jon: "You might actually win this."
Chuggaa: "Don't say that, Jon."
Jon: "You might win this!"
Chuggaa: "Don't say that, Jon!"
Jon: "But you're not flipp..." (Chuggaa flips over and loses)

"The first night is never usually that bad in any game, so I'll play through..." (gets jumped)
Markiplier playing the Five Nights at Freddy's 4 Demo.

Tonight's maintenance will be longer than usual while we do some server administration type stuff. I expect it to take less than an hour, total.
Kingdom of Loathing announcement of October 25, 2005, immediately before Jick accidentally dropped the entire database.