"There's something wrong here... or my name is Jose Santos de Guatemala! And it's not!"
A stock phrase
used as a "guarantee" that something is or will be true. The idea is the person is so sure of it, he will bet his name on it. Occasionally played for irony if the speaker is using a false name. Also used in variations of "If this isn't true (or won't happen), my name will be [specific other name]", often involving an uncool or unfortunate name.
May be used as a handy way of having a new character provide his name
if he otherwise would have no reason to do so.
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- Orville Redenbacher popcorn commercials: "You'll taste the difference, or my name isn't Orville Redenbacher."
- Tintin in America has this line used twice by hostile people. The French version was "As true as my name is X, I'll [get him]!"
- From issue #5 of Simpsons Comics:
Radioactive Man: I'll restore order to Springfield, or my name isn't Claude Kane III! ...Er, which it isn't, of course! [thinking] Whew! Almost revealed my secret identity!
Bartman: Hmmm... I wonder if I should tell RM that, thanks to reading his comics, I know all his secrets!
- Eugene Photomas from Paperinik New Adventures couldn't finish this sentence because he forgot his name.
- Mary Poppins.
Mary Poppins: [watching Bert, Albert, Jane and Michael laugh together on the ceiling] Why, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary Poppins.
- The Front Page (1974)
Walter Burns: [after unsuccessfully posing as probation officer Otto Fishbein] Tell Hildy I wish him all the luck in the world, and I mean it, or my name isn't Otto Fishbein.
- Macao (1952)
Lawrence C. Trumble: I'll go back one of these days, or my name isn't Lawrence C. Trumble.
- Honest John from Disney's Pinocchio:
"If we play our cards right, we'll be on Easy Street, or my name isn't Honest John."
- In the TV movie Den Brother:
Dina Reams: And one last thing, Mrs. Zamboni - watch Alex Pearson closely. I don't trust him.
Alex Pearson: [as Mrs. Zamboni] D-don't trust Alex? Why, that's absurd. The sweet lad is as honest as the day is long, or my name isn't Edna Mae Zamboni.
- Nathan Arizonanote is a furniture chain store proprietor whose slogan is "If you can find a better deal, my name ain't Nathan Arizona!"
- From Life, the Universe and Everything:
"If it was a coincidence," roared the voice, "then my name is not Agrajag!"
"And presumably," said Arthur, "you would claim that was your name."
"Yes!" hissed Agrajag, as if completing a rather deft syllogism.
"Well, I'm afraid it was still a coincidence," said Arthur.
- In The Science of Discworld, Ridcully, studying the problem of giving the Roundworld a sun, says, "We'll soon have his little world all warm, or my name's not Mustrum Ridcully." The Dean spends the first few paragraphs of the next chapter calling him things like "Mappin Winterly" or "Charlie Grinder".
- The Gun Seller: In Chapter 1, the first-person narrator introduces himself to a woman as James Fincham. Later in the narration, he uses the phrase "...then my name isn't James Fincham. Which, of course, it isn't", which is the first indication the reader has that he lied.
- In one of the Mary Russell books, Russell insists she'll do something "as sure as my mother's name is Mary Mc Carthy." Subverted when Holmes makes her point out that her mother's name was actually Judith Klein.
Live Action TV
- In the Remington Steele episode "Steele Belted":
Remington Steele: I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
Laura Holt: Your name isn't Remington Steele.
Remington: A mere technicality.
- Acropolis Now episode "Jobs for the Girls"
Effie Stephanidis: All right, we'll do it. Sophie and me will get a job or my name isn't...
Sophie: Effie Stephanidis.
- The Jim Henson TV special The Tale of the Bunny Picnic, has the titular bunnies being stalked by a dog owned by a cruel farmer. The dog is nameless, and hopes to earn a name by catching the bunnies. A Running Gag has him saying things like "I'll catch that bunny or my name isn't...isn't...whatever it is."
- In the I Love Lucy'' episode "The Ballet," Lucy says, "I'm gonna get into that show or my name isn't Lucy Ricardo."
- One episode of TaleSpin featured a character named Ace London who often used this phrase, but he'd get cut off.
Ace London: ...or my name's not—
Crowd: Ace London!
Ace: You got that right.
- The Simpsons episode "Simpsons Christmas Stories":
Grampa: We'll get you up and running again or my name isn't Young Grampa Simpson.
- The New Scooby-Doo Movies episode "The Secret of Shark Island".
Sonny Bono: But this is our delayed honeymoon. You should be enjoying it.
Sonny: Your name isn't Barbra Streisand.
Cher: You catch on fast, big boy.
- Played with in the Garfield and Friends episode "Mistakes Will Happen" (in which mistakes of all kinds are made):
Jon Arbuckle: [referring to Garfield and Odie] This will scare the pants off those three, or my name isn't June Arburkle!
- CatDog: Cliff vows on one episode to get the title characters, or his name isn't Cliff. One of his friends replies:
Then what should we call ya?
- The Disney version of Winnie the Pooh renders this as "Or my name isn't Winnie the Pooh... which it is."
- Quick-Draw McGraw was fond of this trope.
- Subverted in the Looney Tunes short "To Duck or Not to Duck".
You know, there's something awfully screwy about this fight , or my name isn't Laddimore... and it isn't.
- A Running Gag in the earlier episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog. Example:
There's something wrong here, or my name's Archibald... And it's not!
- Quack Pack: Daisy uses "Or my name isn't Daisy Duck"... while pretending to be someone else. Whoops.
- Danger Mouse had this in an early episode:
D.M.: (talking to Colonel K) Don't worry, sir. We'll get to the bottom of this or my name isn't Danger Mouse.
Penfold: Um...isn't it?
D.M. (whispering testily) Of course it is!
- Dick Dastardly invokes this in "Ceiling Zero Zero" after the narrator starts a "umpteenth time" running gag:
Dastardly: This is the umpteenth time plus one, but we'll catch that pigeon or my name isn't Dick Dastardly!"
- On Total Drama Action, Harold does this to reveal that his full name is Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V.
- At age 62, Wyatt Earp once solved a confrontation by walking out of his tent, firing a rifle into the ground, and saying, "Back off or I'll blow you apart, or my name is not Wyatt Earp."
- Hermann Göring once boasted "No enemy bomber can reach the Ruhr. If one reaches the Ruhr, my name is not Goering. You may call me Meyer."