Policeman: Earlier tonight, Mr. Green suffered a heart attack. He was taken to Chigwell General where his condition is serious, but not critical. (Beat) Or was it the other way 'round?
— A Policeman telling Dorien about Marcus' heart attack.
- Date First Aired: 04/12/1994
Sharon and Tracey's new pool business is thriving. Just then Dorien arrives, in love with a model named Matthew, and she wants the sisters to cover for her. Sometime later, the sisters show up at their new client, Monty, who has it in for Chris. It's his wife Chanel's birthday, and he wants the girls to build a pool for him. He was also recommended to the girls by Marcus, his accountant, and he needs to lose a large cash payment. He also wants it done for Tuesday, much to the shock of the girls, although they'll do it. Well, until they find out his full name - Monty Kray.
Thus, the girls have a big problem on their hands, a matter complicated by Kenny and his fellow workers being in Florida for the time being. Just then, the police come. Marcus is in trouble - he's suffered a heart attack and he might die.
Sharon gets some (very old) builders associated with Fat Stan, Marcus' condition isn't improving, to the point that Dorien has even prayed to God that she'll remain celibate for the rest of her life. Of course, it's because she doesn't want to see him. So the sisters force her to see him. Unfortunately, the woman she sat beside had an affair with Marcus at the time of his heart attack, so Dorien attacks her. Luckily, Marcus starts to recover after all. Afterwards, the pool is constructed, but it's too small. Sharon and Tracey fear for their lives, but it turns out that Monty's wife was the woman who Dorien attacked. Sharon and Tracey proceed to subtly Blackmail her into loving the pool, saving their lives.
Tropes in this episode:
- Accidental Misnaming: Sid calls Tracey "Mrs. Tubbs".
- Actually Pretty Funny: When Chanel tells Dorien she gave her man a heart attack during sex, Dorien remarks she's winded a few but never killed one, and the two stop crying and burst into laughter.
- Affectionate Nickname: Tracey and Sharon call Ernie "Ern".
- Appetite Equals Health: Dorien doesn't feel like eating upon the reveal that her husband has suffered a heart attack.
- Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Despite the fact that Dorien constantly cheats on Marcus, she's upset at his heart attack and admits that she does love him.
- Bait-and-Switch: The profits of Sharon and Tracey's new pool business is initially framed as if it wasn't good, with Tracey describing them as pathetic. Then Tracey reveals in joy that the total profits are £14,326.19.
- Birthday Episode: The climax of the episode takes place on Chanel's birthday.
- Bite of Affection: Tracey notices a love bite on Dorien's neck following her affair with Matthew.
- Blackmail: Tracey and Sharon force Chanel to love the tiny pool that was built for her, otherwise they'll tell Monty about Chanel's affair with Marcus.
- Blame the Paramour: Dorien viciously pounces on Chanel upon finding that Marcus cheated on her with him. On the other hand, she forgives Marcus for his indiscretion off-screen, likely because of his heart attack.
- Brief Accent Imitation: Sharon picks up a posh accent when announcing that the phone is ringing.
- Cement Shoes: Tracey fears that Monty will leave them floating up the River Thames wearing concrete pop socks.Sharon: Calm down, Trace. It'll be alright!Tracey: Oh yeah. Assumin' your idea of "alright" is floating arse upwards down the Thames wearin' a pair of concrete pop socks!
- Cigarette of Anxiety: Chanel gives Dorien a cigarette to calm her nerves whilst she's at the hospital for her husband.Dorien: Sorry, do you have a cigarette?Chanel: O' course, babe.Dorien: Thank you.Chanel: Run out?Dorien: No, I don't smoke. I thought it might help my nerves.
- Continuity Nod:
- Sharon gets in touch with Fat Stan to help them with the swimming pool business. Marcus' masonic lodge meetings are also mentioned again.
- Sharon mentions being at Chris' bedside when he was ill.
- Faint in Shock: Dorien, upon finding out that her husband has suffered a heart attack.
- Foreshadowing: Dorien mentions that if Marcus sees her having an affair with him, it could give him a fatal shock. It's not long after this that he proves to really have a near fatal heart attack.
- The Ghost: Matthew, a model who Dorien had an affair with at the time Marcus had his heart attack.
- Gratuitous Italian: Dorien uses "Ciao!" after getting the sisters to cover for her affair with a model.
- Hypocrite: Dorien is enraged when she finds out Marcus has been cheating on her, despite the fact that she was with Matthew earlier in the episode, and has been cheating on him since before the start of the series.
- Internal Reveal: Dorien learns of Marcus' infidelity in this episode, however Tracey and Sharon (and the audience) have known for ages, as Marcus tried to get with Tracey in "Cheat!" and had an affair with Lucinda in "Falling in Love Again".
- Invented Invalid: Dorien's cover story for her affair to Marcus involves visiting a sick aunt.
- Loan Shark: Monty runs a firm who has a side business in loan collections. Their motto is "Pay up or lose a kidney".
- Meaningful Name: Monty Kray shares a surname with the Kray Brothers, a pair of notorious gangsters. He's also quite sketchy and is perfectly willing to kill cilents if they fail him.
- One-Shot Character: Monty Kray, Ernie, Sid, Chanel Kray, her dog Chiggy and Tony.
- One-Steve Limit:
- Dorien's newest fling Matthew shares a name with a One-Shot Character from "All Day and All of the Night".
- Tony shares his name with Chris' plumber mate, who first appeared in "Belongings" and was last seen a few episodes ago in "Business is Business", as well as one of Dorien's off-screen lovers in "Time and Tides".
- Out with a Bang: Sex with Chanel gives Marcus a near-fatal heart attack.Dorien: Well, I've winded a few in my time, I've never actually killed one.
- Punny Name: When Sharon pretends to be Marcus' cousin, she claims her first name is "Bottle", making her Bottle Green.
- Relatively Flimsy Excuse: The sisters pass themselves off as Marcus' sister (Tracey) and cousin (Sharon) to see him.Sharon: Uh, 'scuse me, 'scuse me. We're looking for Mr. Marcus Green.Nurse: I'm afraid only immediate family are allowed in.Dorien: I'm his wife, Dorien Green.Tracey: I'm his sister, Tracey Green.Sharon: I'm his cousin... Bottle Green.
- Shout-Out:
- When Tracey takes too long doing the books, Sharon complains that it doesn't take this long for Alan Sugar.
- Sharon promises Monty that he'll have a swimming pool that Flipper would be proud of.
- Sharon calls a depressed Dorien "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark".
- Dorien mentions her and Matthew were working their way through the Kama Sutra.
- Tracey worries that if she upsets Monty, she'll end up with a horse's head under her duvet.
- Fat Stan's builders mention building a pool for Lady Astor.
- Sharon compares Dorien helping Marcus heal to Kathy Bates in Misery.
- Speak in Unison:
- Dorien and Chanel both answer "Yes" when the doctor asks for a "Mrs. Marcus Green".
- Tracey and Sharon both call out at the same time to stop Dorien and Chanel's fight.
- After Dorien describes the male nurse Dorien got for Marcus, Tracey and Sharon both look at each other and say "Matthew".
- Special Guest: Peter Vaughan as Monty Kray.
- Status Quo Is God: Dorien promises God that she'll be celibate if Marcus survives, but after hearing of his affair with Chanel, she changes her tune pretty quick.
- Stuff Blowing Up: Mention is made of the previous firm who Monty Kray had booked's van blowing up. It's heavily hinted at that it was Monty's doing.
- Take That!:
- Tracey calls The Phantom of the Opera "poxy".
- Tracey is horrified at how old Fat Stan's builders are:Tracey: It looks like Dad's Army meets the Last of the Summer Wine in there!
- Tempting Fate: A joyful Sharon is so happy that she reckons that there is nothing in the world that she's couldn't cope with. Then Dorien arrives.Sharon: I reckon at this minute there's nothing in the world I couldn't cope with.Dorien: Coo-ee!Sharon: 'Cept that prat.
- This Is Gonna Suck: When the nurse sees that both Dorien and Chanel are there as "Mrs. Marcus Green" she realises that they've both been having it off with the same man without knowing and mutters "Uh, oh" before making herself scarce.
- Time Skip: When Tracey and Sharon leave the hospital, they mention a week has passed since Marcus' heart attack.
- You Have Failed Me: Monty almost drowns the sisters when they and their aging workforce screw up on the pool he wanted.
- Your Door Was Open: Dorien uses this as an excuse to show Tracey and Sharon her new outfit.
- Upside-Down Blueprints: Monty gives them the plan for the swimming pool for Sharon and Tracey to look at. Sharon thinks it's fine until Tracey points out that it's upside down by correcting them for her.
