Quotes: Groin Attack

    open/close all folders 

    Anime and Manga 

What does the fate of mankind have to do with the fate of my balls?
Bando, Elfen Lied

Gall-darnit!! Burn down my bar, subject me to torture, bite off my pecker...!! Who's gonna take responsibility for all that!
Shunsaku Ban, MW chapter twenty-six

    Comics 

Jessica Jones: You ever been kicked in the nuts by a super hero?
Bouncer: What...
Alias

Quit stabbin' me groin, ya wee baby man!

    Fan Fiction 

As they ran through the forest, they could hear Ron scream, "You goober! Tell me where that million credit man is or I'll do some very unpleasant things to your reproductive organs!"
An Orbiting Dilemma, a Star Wars fic by Brett Wortham

HE! STABBED! ME! IN! THE! COCK!
Unfortunate CAT-6 mercenary, Mass Effect Human Revolution

A strangled screech escaped my lips, quickly giving way to a loud roar of pain I assumed could be heard from a kilometer away. The pain burning in that region made me wonder two things: first, why I had not thought of anything beyond firing that cable. And the second thing that flashed through my mind was the most important question I had ever asked: Did Remnant offer testicle transplants?

    Film - Live-Action 

Oooh, right in the mummy-daddy button!
Fat Bastard, Austin Powers

Hey, you wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of ache'rs!
Jack Slater, Last Action Hero

Chris: Johnny squares off with Goro, then, in an act of supreme courage that shows us why he will be the one to save humanity, drops down, punches Goro in the balls and runs away. Raiden finds this hilarious.
Matt: That’s actually a classic Johnny Cage Mortal Kombat Fatality.
Chris: Is it really? I just assumed he’d been watching King of the Hill, though the lack of "THAT’S MY PURSE!" should’ve tipped me off.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Mortal Kombat

Gunn: Come on, baby, it's time to play doctor.
Abby: Betcha can't guess my favourite operation.
Gunn: What's that, baby?
Abby: A vasectomy!

Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

    Literature 

I am not suggesting here that only guys have privates. I realize that women also have privates, and plenty of them. But their privates are a lot more private. They are tucked safely away in various vaults of the female body; wheras the guy privates - which contain not only half of the guy's nerve endings, but are also a good 83 percent of his motivation - are, because of an incredibly stupid design flaw, hanging right out in the open in an absurdly vulnerable manner, like Harold Lloyd dangling from the face of the giant clock, waiting for disaster to strike. Almost every guy has, at one time or another, been traumatically whacked in the personal regions by a baseball or a bicycle bar or a knee or something, and this is the kind of thing a guy remembers for a long time.
Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys

Ivan... do you remember, whenever one of you fellows got kicked in the nuts and went over, doing sports or whatever, how I laughed? I'm sorry. I never knew. I'm sorry...
Lord Dono Vorruyter, formerly Lady Donna, A Civil Campaign

For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.

    Live-Action TV 

Check out the grip! Right now, his chances of having grandkids is dropping exponentially!
Tom Bergeron, host of Americas Funniest Home Videos, after a Slo-Mo Cam segment catches the fact that a dad put one of his son's groin in such a grip to push off in trying to save their camera.

Well Emil, I guess it's just you... me... your balls... and this drawer. [...] Say Joe, wouldn't a couple of Danishes go great with this coffee?
Pep Streebeck, Dragnet

Your famous cock must be very precious to you. Would you say it's your most precious part? [...] I'm not killing you. Just making a few alterations.
Ramsay Snow, Game of Thrones

    Music 

"A trauma to the groin, boys, a trauma to the groin! Nothin's quite as funny, as a trauma to the groin! There is no wit more pretty, there is no joke divine, or limerick delicious as a trauma to the groin!"
Heywood Banks, "Trauma to the Groin"

"Kick your desperate balls
So watch your back or I might call
Kick your desperate balls
From left or right or from below
You got desperate balls!"
U.D.O., "Desperate Balls"

    Tabletop Games 

In triumph, the Blood Prince screamed its praise to Khorne, but whilst it was distracted, the warband's remaining Weirdboys unleashed a storm of psychic energy upon the daemon. It roared in rage at their impudence, crushing their minds with a gesture. With his final act, Tuska reached up between the creature's legs with his power klaw and made a gesture of his own.
Warhammer 40,000, Codex: Orks on the end of Waaaagh! Tuska

    Video Games 

Oooh, look at that! Chainsaw to the dick!
The Angry Video Game Nerd, on a particularly nasty attack from the SNES version of Batman Forever

Right in the jewels.

Well, Larry, this brings a whole new meaning to the term "dismemberment!"
Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for Love (In Several Wrong Places)

Ha. Kick him in the quad!

Wrex: (grunt of discomfort)
Shepard: Something wrong?
Wrex: Mordin. He got his tissue sample alright. Let's just say no scalpel should cut where he cut.

Chie: What the!? I can't believe this! It is completely cracked... My Trial of the Dragon!
Yosuke: I think mine's cracked too... C-Critical Hit to the nads...

What does this guy have against testicles?"
Rooster Teeth's Geoff Ramsey, commenting on Uncharted and Nathan Drake's favourite combat move

    Webcomics 

HAHAHAHAH he kicked your genitals. Ninjas have no honor.

Metal foot! Metal foot... to... mantenna array! Pain levels... Shatnerian... in intensity!
Marten Reed, Questionable Content #746

    Web Original 

Joseph: Wait - isn't he in the, uh... Groin-Kick-Void or whatever?
Housemaster: I KIK HIM IN NUTZZZLOLOL!!!
Arfenhouse Teh Movie Too

The foot delivered an unending holocaust of pain as it rocketed into Zamboni's crotch.
Leon Arnott's 3rd place-winning entry in the 2007 Lyttle Lytton Contest

Barry shows Batman around the place, where humans have been subjected to the most bizarre, grotesque and inhumane experiments imaginable - including electrocuting genitals, because it's not evil science without fried genitals.

He keeps kicking me in the dick. Why? Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?!

My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!
Unnamed pirate, None Piece

What is your problem with my balls?!
(several groin attacks later)
Why don't you just kill me?!
Dexter Grif, Red vs. Blue

Geoff: Do you think word has gotten around the military yet about me? They're like, "dude, seriously, I heard there was this guy-"
Michael: Dick Puncherello.
Geoff: Johnson told me about it. He just fuckin' was like an animal, like, every dick he saw...
Michael: There was no dick left unpunched.
Geoff: Guys were running away like crazy, cupping their balls, in every direction.
Michael: Swanson thought he was safe in the latrine. That's when they got him!
Geoff: I'm not even kidding, dude. It was a dick massacre.
Michael: It was a horrible night.
Geoff: All I heard was the sound of grown men whimpering and sobbing.
Rooster Teeth's Let's Play of Saints Row: The Third, in which Geoff declares war on genitals

    Western Animation 

You're the goodest of heart and most righteous hero I've seen here. Tenderness! Ingenuity! Bravery! Nard kicking ability!
Mannish Man the Minotaur, Adventure Time, "The Enchiridion!"

Stomp 'em in tha nutz! Stomp 'em in tha nutz! Stomp 'em in tha nutz!
Thugnificent, The Boondocks

You have been kicked in the testicles!
Bill, King of the Hill

Ow my thingies!
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Goo Goo Gai Pan"

I say, I say, my groin!
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Mr Spritz Goes To Washington"

Why do they always go for the kiwis? Why?!?!
Duncan, Total Drama Action, "One Million Bucks, B.C."

    Real Life 

I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm. So when I get to Washington, I'll know how to cut pork!
Joni Ernst's "Squeal" ad

Some chick came up to me and said something, so I kicked her in the box and shoved her.
Avril Lavigne, Maxim September 2004