Quotes / Groin Attack

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    Anime and Manga 

Checkmate. (Crunch) Oops, sorry.
Saitama, before and after unknowingly delivering one to Speed-o'-Sound Sonic Ninja.

What does the fate of mankind have to do with the fate of my balls?
Bando, Elfen Lied

Gall-darnit!! Burn down my bar, subject me to torture, bite off my pecker...!! Who's gonna take responsibility for all that!
Shunsaku Ban, MW chapter twenty-six

Maaya, while delivering a kick powerful enough to lift someone four times his weight three inches off the ground, Bio-Meat: Nectar

    Comic Books 

Jessica Jones: You ever been kicked in the nuts by a super hero?
Bouncer: What...

Quit stabbin' me groin, ya wee baby man!

    Fan Works 

As they ran through the forest, they could hear Ron scream, "You goober! Tell me where that million credit man is or I'll do some very unpleasant things to your reproductive organs!"
An Orbiting Dilemma, a Star Wars fic by Brett Wortham

Kara drew on her every erg of reserve power to keep fighting. But, increasingly, she found herself on the defensive. She fought to keep Satan Girl's fingers from her eyes, her jaws from her carotid artery, her knees from her crotch.

Unfortunate CAT-6 mercenary, Mass Effect Human Revolution

I don't know how she managed, but Asuka ended up on top of me and jammed her fist in my face, followed by her knee in my crotch.
The One I Love Is, chapter 7

A strangled screech escaped my lips, quickly giving way to a loud roar of pain I assumed could be heard from a kilometer away. The pain burning in that region made me wonder two things: first, why I had not thought of anything beyond firing that cable. And the second thing that flashed through my mind was the most important question I had ever asked: Did Remnant offer testicle transplants?
"What do you have against my testicles?!"

“Look, if Tzeentch were to actually appear before me after all this in a form with balls to knee instead of some sort of gibbering, tentacled monstrosity capable of driving lesser beings mad with the merest glimpse, then I think it is fair to say that He is asking for the patella to connect with the groin. It will probably even be part of one of His plans, so I honestly won’t feel bad at all,” I explain with bitter annoyance at being underestimated, again.
Shinji, Thousand Shinji

And if you ever fool around with another woman I'll show you exactly what I would have done! It involves electricity... and testicles.
Asuka, Evangelion 303

An elbow strike under the chin. A knee to the groin. Another spinning kick that did damage to his ribs. This thing was getting serious.

U-Ban was already exposed, about to throw himself upon her.
She focused her heat vision on full power and let him have it.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" U-Ban screamed, looked very, very surprised, and grabbed his crotch. The very air was steaming around it. Not enough to injure him, probably, but damned well enough to make him hurt.
"Pull up your pants," said Kara, getting to her feet. "You look ridiculous."

    Film - Animated 

"And now let me tell you about the time I used a sharpened clamshell to turn a T-Rex...into a T-Rachel!"

    Film - Live-Action 

Oooh, right in the mummy-daddy button!
Fat Bastard, Austin Powers

Ow! My balls.
Hormel Chavez, Film/Idiocracy

Hey, you wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of ache'rs!
Jack Slater, Last Action Hero

Right in the round tables…
The Black Knight Ghost, Scooby Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed

Deadpool, Deadpool

Gunn: Come on, baby, it's time to play doctor.
Abby: Betcha can't guess my favourite operation.
Gunn: What's that, baby?
Abby: A vasectomy!

Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

Say "auf Wiedersehen" to your Nazi balls.
Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz, Inglourious Basterds

Ooh, grabbed his clusters!
Martin Riggs, Lethal Weapon 3

Now the whole world's gonna know that you died scratching my balls!
James Bond, Casino Royale (2006)


I am not suggesting here that only guys have privates. I realize that women also have privates, and plenty of them. But their privates are a lot more private. They are tucked safely away in various vaults of the female body; wheras the guy privates - which contain not only half of the guy's nerve endings, but are also a good 83 percent of his motivation - are, because of an incredibly stupid design flaw, hanging right out in the open in an absurdly vulnerable manner, like Harold Lloyd dangling from the face of the giant clock, waiting for disaster to strike. Almost every guy has, at one time or another, been traumatically whacked in the personal regions by a baseball or a bicycle bar or a knee or something, and this is the kind of thing a guy remembers for a long time.
Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys

Ivan... do you remember, whenever one of you fellows got kicked in the nuts and went over, doing sports or whatever, how I laughed? I'm sorry. I never knew. I'm sorry...
Lord Dono Vorruyter, formerly Lady Donna, A Civil Campaign

For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.

    Live-Action TV 

Check out the grip! Right now, his chances of having grandkids is dropping exponentially!
Tom Bergeron, host of America's Funniest Home Videos, after a Slo-Mo Cam segment catches the fact that a dad put one of his son's groin in such a grip to push off in trying to save their camera.

Spanker: What are you going to do about it, old man?
Jason Bentley: Well first I'm going to lean this way... (dodges punch) lean that way... (dodges punch) have a glass of wine... (elbows Spanker as he drinks) and then scratch my knee. (knees Spanker in the groin)
The Comic Strip Presents, "Detectives on the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown"

Well Emil, I guess it's just you... me... your balls... and this drawer. [...] Say Joe, wouldn't a couple of Danishes go great with this coffee?
Pep Streebeck, Dragnet

Your famous cock must be very precious to you. Would you say it's your most precious part? [...] I'm not killing you. Just making a few alterations.
Ramsay Snow, Game of Thrones

"Congratulations. Today's the day a girl is gonna touch you in your special place."
Penny, The Big Bang Theory when helping Sheldon get his items back in World of Warcraft.

"When you go to a dating site, people say they like to travel. I've never seen anybody on a dating site say they like groin shots."
Woody Paige, Around the Horn 9-23-2016 (during a discussion on proposed NBA rule changes to cut down on traveling and groin attack fouls)

Jefferson: Now, Al, I know what you're thinking...
Al: Really? Then why aren't you crossing your legs?

(Clara kicks the Doctor's sonic screwdriver up in his lap, he makes a face)
Clara: Sorry, did I hit something?
The Doctor: (pained) Oh, the symbolism...
Doctor Who, "Deep Breath"


A trauma to the groin, boys, a trauma to the groin! Nothin's quite as funny, as a trauma to the groin! There is no wit more pretty, there is no joke divine, or limerick delicious as a trauma to the groin!
Heywood Banks, "Trauma to the Groin"

Kick your desperate balls
So watch your back or I might call
Kick your desperate balls
From left or right or from below
You got desperate balls!
U.D.O., "Desperate Balls"

See, look at that chump, see the way that he struts?
Don't kick him in the rump, go nuts on his nuts!
Just pop a squat, start lettin' off the shots
Like knock, knock, knock, just cold clocked his cock!
You got desperate balls!
Juicy Karkass., "Punch 'em in the Dick"

Holy fuck!
I don't know if you've been
Shot in the nuts,
Spoiler: it sucks!
And oh, Squirtle!
Gotta Catch 'Em All,
But they might just ruin your balls...
Danny Sexbang, "Pokémon: I Choose You To Die"

Tai and Le Shuuk, "Unicorn"

Performance reviewer: ... Ah ha. So that's an average day for you, then?
The Boss: No doubt.
Performance reviewer: You chop your balls off and die.
The Boss: Hell yeah.
The Lonely Island, "Like A Boss"

    Tabletop Games 

In triumph, the Blood Prince screamed its praise to Khorne, but whilst it was distracted, the warband's remaining Weirdboys unleashed a storm of psychic energy upon the daemon. It roared in rage at their impudence, crushing their minds with a gesture. With his final act, Tuska reached up between the creature's legs with his power klaw and made a gesture of his own.
Warhammer 40,000, Codex: Orks on the end of Waaaagh! Tuska

Light Injury, Immediate Effect: Character falls prone.
Heavy Injury, Immediate Effect: As Light plus the character is stunned for d3 turns.
Heavy Injury, Persistent Effect: Character suffers -1 Speed.
Acute Injury, Immediate Effect: As Heavy.
Acute Injury, Persistent Effect: As Heavy, Character adds d3 to his Injury total and is bleeding.
Crippled, Immediate Effect: Character automatically suffers system shock.
Inquisitor's Groin Damage Table

Alexei glides its hand lower, and the kine's thrashings quicken anew. "Such a clumsy process, yes? Like a pig blindly rooting the muck for a truffle." Alexei looks up, staring with hooded lenses into the kine's white-rimmed orbs. It clenches its demonstrative hand, then casually yanks.
The staccato of the kine's skull beating itself against the metal backboard is as soothing as rain on a rooftop. Alexei scrutinizes its findings distastefully and flips its wrist towards the corner. I hear scuffling as Radu and Mikhail squabble for the morsel.
Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Tzimisce

    Video Games 

Right in the jewels.

This day has been nothing but insults and punches to groin...

Well, Larry, this brings a whole new meaning to the term "dismemberment!"
Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for Love (In Several Wrong Places)

Ha. Kick him in the quad!

Wrex: (grunt of discomfort)
Shepard: Something wrong?
Wrex: Mordin. He got his tissue sample alright. Let's just say no scalpel should cut where he cut.

Chie: What the!? I can't believe this! It is completely cracked... My Trial of the Dragon!
Yosuke: I think mine's cracked too... C-Critical Hit to the nads...

It is a gelding blow!

Emet, Evolve

"First, strike the crotch! Next, REALLY strike the crotch! Repentance through crotch violence!! Behold my Polygamy Castration Fist!"
Caster/Tamamo-no-Mae, Fate/EXTRA


HAHAHAHAH he kicked your genitals. Ninjas have no honor.

Metal foot! Metal foot... to... mantenna array! Pain levels... Shatnerian... in intensity!
Marten Reed, Questionable Content #746

    Web Original 

Oooh, look at that! Chainsaw to the dick!
The Angry Video Game Nerd, on a particularly nasty attack from the SNES version of Batman Forever

Joseph: Wait - isn't he in the, uh... Groin-Kick-Void or whatever?
Arfenhouse Teh Movie Too

Chris: Johnny squares off with Goro, then, in an act of supreme courage that shows us why he will be the one to save humanity, drops down, punches Goro in the balls and runs away. Raiden finds this hilarious.
Matt: That’s actually a classic Johnny Cage Mortal Kombat Fatality.
Chris: Is it really? I just assumed he’d been watching King of the Hill, though the lack of "THAT’S MY PURSE!" should’ve tipped me off.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Mortal Kombat

The foot delivered an unending holocaust of pain as it rocketed into Zamboni's crotch.
Leon Arnott's 3rd place-winning entry in the 2007 Lyttle Lytton Contest

Barry shows Batman around the place, where humans have been subjected to the most bizarre, grotesque and inhumane experiments imaginable - including electrocuting genitals, because it's not evil science without fried genitals.

He keeps kicking me in the dick! Why?! Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?!

Goku: Wow. I can't believe every single one of [the thousand Cooler clones] kicked you in the dick.
Vegeta: (high-pitched whimpering)

Dr. Gero: Weakness... identified!
Android 13: (grins, grabs Goku's leg and readies a punch)
Goku: Hey, what are you- (echoing scream)
(Flash Forward to)
Teen!Gohan: Alright Goten, it's your job to chuck these as hard as you can, so I can be all trained up to face off against Dad in the tournament. Now stand behind that line and—
Goten: (vanishes)
Teen!Gohan: Goten? ...What was I doing here?
(and back in the present)
Goku: He punched me in the dick? Why? Why did he punch me in the dick?
Vegeta: Not so funny now, is it, Kakkarot?!

Batman: So, you went after Harley, huh?
Green Goblin: (with a bomb strapped to his crotch) Yeah. The Joker tends to go for the really obvious jokes, doesn't he?

Splinter: Don't make me have to pull out the Italian sausage on yo' ass!
The Shredder: (gets kicked by Splinter) AUGH MY NUTS!
Raphael: Damn, somebody's nuts just got fucked up!

My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!
Unnamed pirate, None Piece

What is your problem with my balls?!
(several groin attacks later)
Why don't you just kill me?!
Dexter Grif, Red vs. Blue

What does this guy have against testicles?"
Rooster Teeth's Geoff Ramsey, commenting on Uncharted and Nathan Drake's favourite combat move

Geoff: Do you think word has gotten around the military yet about me? They're like, "dude, seriously, I heard there was this guy-"
Michael: Dick Puncherello.
Geoff: Johnson told me about it. He just fuckin' was like an animal, like, every dick he saw...
Michael: There was no dick left unpunched.
Geoff: Guys were running away like crazy, cupping their balls, in every direction.
Michael: Swanson thought he was safe in the latrine. That's when they got him!
Geoff: I'm not even kidding, dude. It was a dick massacre.
Michael: It was a horrible night.
Geoff: All I heard was the sound of grown men whimpering and sobbing.
Rooster Teeth's Let's Play of Saints Row: The Third, in which Geoff declares war on genitals

[W]hy does every woman have to rip my penis off?
Jobe Wilkins, Whateley Universe note 

Junior: So, you know who I am. You got a name, Sweetheart?
Yang: (Giggles) Yes, Junior, I've got several. But instead of "Sweetheart" you can just call me "Sir". (Crunch)
Junior: (Yelps in pain as Yang grabs his crotch)


"Why would you attack a place God only intended to be treated nicely?!"

This is why the hippo is truly a noble and majestic creature, because no hippo will ever swim up your dick.
Tara in response to a story about an eel who swam up a man's penis, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You? 9/19/11 Eel Spelunking

Reno: What's the matter — afraid of hurting your vagina?
Tifa: Nah. BUT I'LL HURT YOURS!! *punches Reno's pelvis hard enough to break it*

    Western Animation 

You're the goodest of heart and most righteous hero I've seen here. Tenderness! Ingenuity! Bravery! Nard kicking ability!
Mannish Man the Minotaur, Adventure Time, "The Enchiridion!"

Stomp 'em in tha nutz! Stomp 'em in tha nutz! Stomp 'em in tha nutz!
Thugnificent, The Boondocks

You have been kicked in the testicles!
Bill, King of the Hill

But the ball! His groin! It works on so many levels!
Homer Simpson critiques the amateur film "Man Getting Hit By Football," The Simpsons

Ow my thingies!
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Goo Goo Gai Pan"

I say, I say, my groin!
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Mr Spritz Goes To Washington"

Why do they always go for the kiwis? Why?!?!
Duncan, Total Drama Action, "One Million Bucks, B.C."

"Earth Rick C-137! The council of Ricks sentences you to the Machine of Unspeakable Doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp! Also, every ten seconds, it stabs your balls."
Council of Ricks Spokesperson, Rick and Morty

    Real Life 

I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm. So when I get to Washington, I'll know how to cut pork!
Joni Ernst's "Squeal" ad

Some chick came up to me and said something, so I kicked her in the box and shoved her.
Avril Lavigne, Maxim September 2004