Fanfic: The One I Love Is

Choose: Red or Blue? And no, you can not have them both.
"I'm sorry Asuka. I should have done this a long time ago. But I was afraid. With Rei and you... I no longer felt alone. I thought that if I made a choice, I would lose one of you. I didn't want to lose either of you. So I made you wait. I was so selfish..."

During a test inside Unit-01, Rei realizes she cares for Shinji in a romantic way... and even though Shinji cares about her, his attention had been shifting towards Asuka. Determined to stop that, Rei decides to try to get Shinji's attention back. In turn, her actions force Asuka to drop her denial act and display her real feelings towards Shinji openly.

All of sudden, Shinji finds himself being in the middle of a war between his dearest persons... while the war against the Angels keeps waging and his personal traumas keep getting worse.

Written by Alain Gravel/Rakna and described by his author like "A story about how the love of two special girls can change one Ikari Shinji", The One I Love Is is one of the first Neon Genesis Evangelion classic fanfics.

It tries to address the next question seriously: "What might have happened if instead of a deconstruction of the Everyone Can See It trope, a real Love Triangle would have developed between the three pilots during the course of the series?". However, unlike other shipping/romance fics, it does not neglect the real events of the series, and strives to fit the events of the fic in the canon storyline. Most of tragedies and mind-screwness that happened in the anime show also happened here. However, due to the changes of relationships, the characters react differently to them, and evolve and develop accordingly, leading to Shinji having not only to choose between two girls... but also between saving the world and condemning it.

It can be found here -together with side-stories, spin-offs and fanart made by other fans-, here and here. And this is Rakna/Alain Gravel's old homepage.

If you are interested in other classic Evangelion fanfics written in that era check the entries for The Child Of Love, HERZ, Higher Learning, Children Of An Elder God or Neon Genesis Evangelion R.


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  • Aborted Arc: A fan began a sequel, setting the first episode between the end of episode 12 and the epilogue. Regrettably, that fan never got around to write more than THAT only episode.
  • All Take and No Give: One of the reasons that Shinji chose Asuka and not Rei was he knew their relationship would become this: she would make him the only goal of her existence, she would make anything for him without asking for anything in return and he would take everything. And it would not be fair to Rei.
  • And Now for Someone Completely Different: Most of the story is told from Shinji's point of view, but some scenes and most of side-stories narrate events from other characters' points of view to flesh the plot out.
  • Anguished Declaration of Love:
    • In episode 6:
    Asuka:"It's okay. I can manage on my own. You be happy with Rei... Shinji... I... I love you..."
    • In episode 9:
    Shinji:"Damn you Asuka! Are you deaf! I love you! I! LOVE! YOU! Is it so hard to understand?! Is it so hard to believe?! I love you! I would have chosen Rei a long time ago if I didn't love you!"
    Asuka:"You...? You do?"
    Shinji:"YES! So cut that crap about being worthless! It's not true! You mean a lot to me! A lot! I care more about you than I care about myself!"
  • Apologises a Lot: Shinji has the habit of constantly apologizing, and it gets Asuka mad. However she gets mad because she feels that Shinji doesn't apologize for he feels that he has done something wrong but because he tries to avoid a scolding, and it drives her mad that he is unable to stand up to himself.
  • Arc Words: "Some truths can hurt if a person is not ready to hear them."
  • Armor-Piercing Question: In episode 11 Shinji decides to regard Kaoru as his friend. However a part of his mind asked:
    'If she's your friend, then why did she leave so suddenly, without a word?'
  • Armor Piercing Response:
    • In chapter 6, "Friends", Asuka is dissing Touji:
      Shinji:"Hey! Touji's a nice guy!"
      Asuka:"He's just a pervert like you!"
      Shinji:"I didn't know you liked perverts..."
    • In chapter 11, during a nightmare, a vision of Rei tells openly something Shinji had been trying to not think about:
      Rei:"After the Fifteenth Angel, you swore that you wouldn't let another Angel hurt us, but you failed to protect me and so I had to die."
      Shinji:"I did all that I could!"
      Rei:"No, you did not. You could have destroyed it."
      Shinji:"Attacking it was hurting you!"
      Rei:"You acted the same way you did with the Thirteenth Angel. You feared to hurt us, so you let us die instead. I was not as lucky as Suzuhara-kun."
  • Armor-Piercing Slap:
    • In episode 4 Asuka delivered a well-deserved one to Shinji when he admitted -after asking her out, spending the day with her and even kissing her- that he had kissed Rei and shouted it was none of her business.
    • In episode 11 Shinji has just killed Kaoru and he is feeling borderline suicidal. When he mutters he should just die Misato slaps him, remembering him that Kaoru sacrificed herself so he could live.
  • Author Appeal: After completing the series, Rakna confessed that Asuka was his favorite character and he had always planned for a Shinji/Asuka ending. However he also stated he started truly liking Rei after writing chapter 3 and he nearly changed his mind.
  • Babies Ever After: In the four-years-later epilogue it is revealed that Shinji and Asuka are expecting, and Misato is raising her and Kaji's son, Ryouji.
  • Battle Couple: Shinji and Asuka. Due to living, working and fighting together, they started to like each other and became extremely close. This closeness kicks the plot off when Rei realizes Shinji is falling for Asuka and decides to pursue him actively.
  • Beautiful Dreamer: After her Mind Rape Shinji and Asuka sleep together. During the night Asuka wakes up due to a nightmare and stares at Shinji for a while, thinking of how beautiful he looks and how much she loves him.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: At the beginning Shinji and Asuka fight a lot even though they are clearly drawn to each other. However Rei starts to actively pursue Shinji and show her affection openly, forcing Asuka to try to show her softer, nicer side openly. As a result of it their relationship becomes calmer and stronger.
  • Beneath the Mask: In chapter 6 Shinji finally realizes Asuka's self-assuredness and confidence were a mask to cover a very fragile self-esteem.
    There before me, from this girl who'd never shown anything but self assuredness, was a catalogue of failures.
  • Berserk Button: Do not even think about hurt or harm Asuka or Rei in some way, shape or form. Or else Shinji… will not be nice to you.
    • Zeruel found out the hard way.
    • And later when he saw the MP-Evas munching the last remnants of Unit 02 he went utterly nuts and tore them apart savagely.
  • The Berserker: In the Final Battle Shinji went completely nuts when he saw the MP-Evas had tore apart and eaten alive Unit 02 with Asuka inside. He fought like a savage beast, roaring "I'LL KILL YOU!" the whole time and he did not stop until all of them were dead.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Shinji is usually nice and meek to the point of being a doormat. When he gets angry... he is scary. When his father meddled in his love life for his own purposes he coldly told Gendo if he interfered again he would refuse to pilot and the next Robeast could kill everyone as far as he was concerned (keep in mind he is terrified of his father usually). When an Eldritch Abomination hurt one of the girls he loved he attacked like an angry berserker. He even lashed out against Rei or Asuka when he was angry (and then he regretted it afterwards).
  • Beware the Quiet Ones: Rei was a quiet, calm Emotionless Girl seldom spoke and obeyed her Commander's orders without question or hesitation. But if something or someone threatened Shinji or her relationship with him, she became hostile and even violent... especially to Asuka since Shinji was falling for her. Her relationship with Asuka became very strained and belligerent until they got a very bitter argument and a pretty virulent Cat Fight. Although that fight ended in a stalemate Asuka noted Rei was very quiet but she could be quite savage and hit hard if provoked.
  • Big "NO!": When Shinji saw the MP-Evas had chopped Unit-02 into pieces and possibly killed Asuka he screamed a very big and anguished "no":
    I opened my eyes and then saw a scene that will probably haunt me the rest of my life. I saw nine white EV As, circling around what was left of Headquarters. And in their hands, or even worse, their mouths, they held the remains of what had once been Unit-02.
  • Blood Lust: When Rei confessed to Shinji that the dummy plug system used her brain patterns he could not believe it because the dummy plug program fought with a savagery and thirst for blood he did not manage to associate with demure, quiet, stoic Rei.
    This killing frenzy... this hunger for blood and destruction... Rei?
  • Break the Haughty: In this story Asuka was broken even worse than in canon. In addition to the long string of traumatic humilliations, beatings, defeats and Mind Rape she suffered in the original series, she got to compete with Rei over Shinji. She forced herself to face her feelings, opened up to Shinji (making herself vulnerable despite of all her misgivings and fears)... and then she got depressed and heart-broken because it did not seem to be enough to win him over and she felt wanting compared with Rei. That situation increased her insecurities and feelings of inadequacy and she slowly and gradually fell completely apart and tried to kill herself.
  • Brother-Sister Incest: Although Shinji likes Asuka he also likes Rei (and both girls like back). However Rei does not want to tell him she is his mother's clone because she is afraid that it will kill any possibility of having a love relationship with him. Later Shinji learns about her origin but he does not care about it because she is still Rei.
  • Calling the Old Man Out:
    • Shinji called his father out twice:
      • In chapter 5 Shinji gets mad because his father has manipulated Asuka and Rei. So that he marches to his office and warns Gendo against interfering with their lives again, pointing out he is more expendable than a pilot.
        Gendo:"You think you can threaten me?"
        Shinji:"Of course I can. I am the only pilot of Unit-01. You need me to save your life. You know as well as I do that you don't have any spare pilots. And you also know that Rei and Asuka won't be able to fight alone for long. That is, if I don't convince them to stop fighting for you at all. In this whole scenario... you are the only one who is useless."
      • And in chapter 11 Shinji explodes in public:
        Shinji:"Damn you! You hurt Touji! You let Asuka suffer! You took Rei from me! And now you want me to kill Kaoru? You heartless son of a bitch! If it wasn't my mother's name, I'd be ashamed of being called Ikari!"
  • Can Not Spit It Out: Asuka had a very hard time confessing openly her feelings to Shinji. And the fact of Shinji has also a very hard time with this is part of what moves the plot forward.
  • Cat Fight: Asuka and Rei had three, all of them were about Shinji and all of them happened off-screen:
    • The first of them happened in chapter 5, while Shinji -the POV character- was trapped into the Sea of Dirac -an alternate dimension-. Asuka wanted to mask her growing worry so she said things she did not mean, and Rei took offense. When Shinji returned, Rei's left cheek was badly bruised and Asuka had a black eye and a cut on her lower lip.
    • The next happened in chapter 7, during the month Shinji spent absorbed into his robot and it was narrated in the side-story "Friends or Rivals". Asuka went to Rei's apartment and they got into a fight. After beating the crap out of each other, ruining Rei's living room and being taken to NERV med bay they realized they had done something very stupid and made up.
    • The last happened a while before the epilogue. Rei was wasting her life and Asuka went to her house to have a serious talk with her. When Asuka came back to her and Shinji's apartment she brought Rei along, and both girls were bruised and exhausted.
  • Catapult Nightmare: Asuka does this in chapter 9 after a nightmare where she was forced to relive the worst bits of her childhood.
    The teenage girl woke up with a start, her heart beating so fast that she thought for a moment that it would burst out of her chest. Then, the memories came again, as did the tears, silent, yet present.
  • Character Development: Several characters go through it, but mainly the three pilots evolve greatly through the story. Shinji learns to stand up for himself and stopping to run away and give up (Word of God stated in one of the author notes it was one of his main goals, since he simply hated what Shinji had become at End of Evangelion). Asuka learns to stop to push people away, to not let her existence was defined by piloting a Humongous Mecha (like another certain Humongous Mecha Ace Pilot / Broken Ace that she is a Gender Flipped Expy from did) and to open herself up to others. And Rei learns to acknowledge her emotions, show her feelings and developing bonds.
  • Characterization Marches On: Back when the fic was being written, fans debated whether it was or was not Misato the one shot Kaji (shortly after, Word of God stated she did not). Rakna was uncertain about how he wanted to handle and he even put up a poll in his site. Finally he decided leaving it ambiguous. Also, it is interesting pondering how Asuka's portrayal could have been affected by one of the extra scenes added in later releases (the one showed she had wept after kissing Shinji because she believed he really was not interested in her since he had not kissed her back and he would not even hold her or touch her) or if he would have added the manga event regarding her stepmother to her backstory, and how it would played out.
  • Chick Magnet: Shinji goes from believing nobody cares for him to ask -more than once- why girls are interested in him and what has he done to deserve it. The old homepage even joked about it, displaying pictures of Asuka, Rei, Misato and Hikari and asking if they were romantically interested in Shinji.
  • Clueless Chick Magnet: Shinji drew women wherever he went... and he had absolutely no idea about it. He was genuinely shocked and surprised when Rei gave him chocolates and when Hikari told him that Asuka was in love with him because he was completely oblivious to their feelings and Asuka's hints.
  • Converse with the Unconscious: When Asuka was in a coma after attempting to kill herself, Shinji remained by her side the whole time, talking to her every so often, hoping his voice reached her somehow.
    Shinji:Physically, she was now fine. She had suffered from a bit of malnutrition, but nothing severe. However, she wouldn't wake up. The doctors had said it was all up to her. She didn't wake up because she didn't want to.
    So I waited for her to come back.
    Most of the time, I simply waited in silence. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was exhausting. It reminded me much of my experience inside the Twelfth Angel. There wasn't really anything else I could do but stay put and wait. When I got too bored, I would talk to her, hoping that the sound of my voice could reach her somehow... wherever she was. I spoke of the past, of what I thought when I first saw her on that aircraft carrier, looking so pretty in her yellow dress and how impressed I had been by her air of confidence.
  • Cooldown Hug: It happens a lot of times. Some of them:
    • In chapter 4 Shinji hugs an upset and furious Asuka to reassure her after an argument between them;
    • Shinji also hugged Misato when she was crying her heart out after Kaji's last phone call;
    • Shinji hugged Asuka several times after her Mind Rape to comfort her and reassure her that he was there for her;
    • Asuka embraced Shinji when he was collapsed over the floor and sobbing because Rei had blew herself up to save his life;
    • Kaoru hugged Shinji when he was shivering after a terrible nightmare and feeling lonely.


  • Death Equals Redemption: Averted with Gendo. In the final moment of his life he met Yui at last, and he confessed he knew he had done many horrible things to try to get her back, and he said he was sorry for what he had done to his son. His wife informed him that he had to earn his redemption yet in order to have her forgiveness.
  • Defrosting Ice Queen: Shinji had defrosted both Asuka and Rei... and he had no idea that had done so until both got jealous and started fighting over him.
  • Despair Event Horizon:
    • Asuka. After several close calls (in episode 6 when she thought she had lost Shinji and in episode 9 after her Mind Rape), Asuka crosses the line in episode 10: she has been completely beaten, humiliated and even Mind Raped, she knows she will be replaced soon, and regards herself as an utter and completely worthless failure. After Rei's death the only thing keeping her from falling apart is Shinji loving her. But then it turns out that Rei has survived, Asuka thinks Shinji has chosen Rei over her, and she can not bear it anymore. She runs away, leaving a goodbye note, and slits her wrists.
    • Shinji was on the brink of crossing it after Kaoru's death. Then the Geofront was invaded, Misato got shot, Asuka's Unit 02 got butchered and eaten by the MP-Evas and Shinji thought he had nothing left.
      All those who had meant something to me, all those I had cared for... they were all dead. I had nothing, nothing left. Nothing to expect. No hope.
  • Determinator: At the end of episode 11, when Shinji is at his lowest, Misato explains why he can not and must not give up. Thanks to her words he does not give up and he keeps fighting during the Final Battle, even though everything seems lost and he has nothing left, and defeats nine war mechas. And because he did not give up, Asuka survived the battle.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Unit-01 ran the Lance through the fusion of Lilith and Gendo.
  • Driven to Suicide: Asuka.
  • Dude, She's Like, in a Coma!: At the start of last episode, Shinji softly kisses a comatous Asuka, replacing the disturbing hospital scene of End of Evangelion and its equally disturbing manga counterpart with a Crowning Moment Of Heart Warming.
  • Dye or Die: After the Final Battle Rei dyes her hair brown (and wears contact lenses) so nobody knows she is still alive.
  • Emotionless Girl: Not so emotionless, after all.
  • Everyone Can See It: Everyone but Shinji, that is. At least before the Rei/Asuka screaming match in episode 2.
  • Fate Worse Than Death: After the failed Third Impact, Gendos finds himself locked in a kind of Limbo, facing an eternity of being alone as he tries to redeem himself. His hope is it lasts time enough for his wife forgiving him and being together again.
  • Fiery Redhead: Asuka is -of couse!- quite hot-tempered. It is even reinforced by the episode 4 title: "Don't play with fire".
  • First Girl Wins: Averted. Nope. She does not.
  • First Kiss: In chapter 5 Shinji and Asuka kiss during their first date after Asuka challenged Shinji to kiss her.
  • For Want of a Nail: Rei realizes she likes Shinji and gives him a chocolate box in Valentine’s Day. That action unleashes a chain of little changes do not alter the series' main plot at the beginning but slowly and eventually they lead to the salvation of humankind.
  • Freudian Excuse: Nearly the whole history is narrated from Shinji's point of view, so Gendo is treated like a less than sympathetic figure. One of the sides-stories (Let the World Burn/One Dream at a Time) explores his motivations, showing him like a pathetic, broken shell of a man was afraid of people and had fully fallen apart cause his wife's death and was willing to send everything to Hell to find her again.


  • Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Misato to Shinji after Kaoru’s death. It was an epic lecture included a slap worthy of Bright Noa himself and avoided Shinji crossed the Despair Event Horizon right then.
  • Gender Flip: Kaoru Nagisa.
  • Good People Have Good Sex: Shinji had sex with Rei and later Asuka when they needed comforting each other. It is depicted as a tender, heart-warming moment where they tried to care of each other.
  • Gratuitous German: Asuka uses her mother tongue liberally.
    • In chapter 5 she exclaims "Gott sei Dank!" ("Thank God!") when she sees Shinji is cooking.
  • Grew a Spine: Shinji forces himself to grow a spine AND keeping it intact to protect Asuka and Rei.
  • Happily Married: Shinji and Asuka.
  • Heroes Want Redheads: Shinji finds himself attracted to Asuka... and at the end, he chooses her.
  • Hates Being Alone: The three Children suffered of this in the original material, but it increases cause the events of the fic. Rei no longer wants to be alone, and Shinji and Asuka (who was good pretending otherwise) hate it now. The former tells he was used to it before, but after being in a Love Triangle he does not want to be alone again. And the latter sobs to Shinji she is sick of being alone during a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to herself.
  • High School Sweethearts: Asuka and Rei competed over Shinji when they went to the same school until he chose Asuka. In the epilogue they got married.
  • How the Mighty Have Fallen: Asuka was the best Eva pilot, a genius and a beautiful girl. She gloated about it because her very fragile self-esteem depended on being the best at all what she did. However throughout the fic she got routinely beaten by her teammates, defeated by the Angels and the guy she loves is uncapable to choose between her and another girl. When she is mind Raped, that is the final blow and humilliation and she feels that she is worthless and she has nothing to live for. She even quotes the line verbatim:
    Asuka: "How the mighty have fallen. Look at me... I'm crying... I hate crying... only a weak person cries. I hate Wonder Girl... she showed everyone how pathetic I was. I hate you... you made me cry, now you can see how disgusting I am. I hate everybody... but most of all... I hate myself..."
  • Humongous Mecha: The Evas.
  • Ignored Epiphany:
    • Played straight in chapter three. Shinji is making out with Rei. Suddenly he starts thinking about Asuka, and he is unable to go on. If he would have realized that it meant he loved Asuka the most, the Love Triangle could have been resolved right then, but instead of getting a clue he complained about Asuka mucking things up.
    • Played straight again one chapter later. Asuka dares Shinji to kiss her because she was bored. Typically clueless, Shinji replies that "You don't kiss a guy because you're bored". Exactly, Shinji. So, think: Why does she want to kiss you?
    • Averted in a later chapter. Shinji suggests Asuka her parents surely care about her. She lets him know that his father does not give a damn about her and her mother is dead. After few seconds it hit him that she was just like him.
  • Inferiority Superiority Complex: Shinji used to envy Asuka's boastful arrogance and confidence... and then he saw her berating herself several times and losing her will to live after her Mind Rape and he realized her confidence was false and she was a very insecure, vulnerable person.


  • The Kid with the Remote Control: After being absorbed into Unit 01 and being told about Rei’s origins Shinji realizes he was the only one could pilot Unit 01 despite being a teen with no training because his mother is inside the giant robot.
  • Late-Arrival Spoiler: This fanfic got finished several years ago and became very popular among the fans, so that if someone starts reading the story for first time it's likely that person already knows beforehand whom Shinji chooses.
  • Latex Space Suit: The plugsuits.
  • Let's Wait a While: Subverted. In an early chapter Rei wants to have sex with Shinji but he backs out because he can not stop to think about Asuka. Not wanting to hurt Rei he lies, saying he stopped because he wants to make sure things don't go too fast.
  • Love Confession: Rei blurted out she loved Shinji in presence of everybody during a celebratory party in Misato's home. Asuka said Shinji she liked him several weeks later when they were alone and sharing bedding space, but due to her fear to be vulnerable she did not say she loved him until she thought she had lost him. Shinji admitted he cared about both girls early on, but it was when Asuka got Mind Raped by Arael when he dared to tell her he loved her.
  • Love Epiphany:
    • Shinji has three: when he realizes he has fallen in love with Rei, when he understands he cares for Asuka because he is in love with her, and finally when he realizes it is Asuka the one he loves the most.
    • Rei has hers in the Prologue: during a sync test in Unit 01 she accidentally sees Shinji's memories, realizes he has feelings towards Asuka and herself and gets afraid of losing him to Asuka. Then she realizes she likes him.
    • Asuka has hers when she sees Rei giving chocolates to Shinji.
  • Love Hurts:
    • Shinji had been alone since he was a kid and he was resigned to it. Then he met Asuka and Rei and he fell for them. However Rei blew herself up to stop Armisael and Asuka ran away and slit her wrists because she thought she had lost him. Shinji was alone again for a while and he felt loneliness was unbearable now.
    • Asuka fell for Shinji and it hurt her knowing he had feelings not only for her but also for Rei. After her Mind Rape she felt he was the only thing she had left. Thinking she had lost him too was the final blow to her mental stability. She ran away and attempted to kill herself.
  • Love Interest: Shinji is Asuka and Rei's love interest. He loves both girls and finally he chooses Asuka.
  • Lovely Angels: Asuka and Rei were part of a team of Humongous Mecha pilots. Unfortunately, due to their different personalities and being fighting over the same boy their teamwork was pretty ineffective.
  • Love Makes You Evil:
    • Gendo specifically tells that his hands are blood-stained because he thought it would be the only way to reunite with his wife.
    • In an alternate ending Shinji is so determined to get Asuka back that he is following his father's steps.
  • Love Revelation Epiphany: In chapter 1 Rei gave Shinji chocolates. In reaction Asuka got beyond mad, yelled him and slapped him. Then she cried and ran out of the class. And Shinji had absolutely no idea of why. Later Hikari yelled him he was a blind, thick-headed idiot and told him that Asuka loved him. Shinji was shocked because he liked Asuka but he could not believe she was interested in him.


  • Mama Bear: Naturally, Unit-01. But not how you would expect. Other than the times it went berserker to protect Shinji, when Misato said she did not want to die because she was pregnant, it activated on its own.
  • Mind Rape: Again, Asuka suffers one at the hands of Arael.
  • Mind Screw: Nearly so many as in the original series.
  • Noodle Incident: Subverted. After getting pulled out of Unit-01, Shinji asks what happened between Asuka and Rei. Misato mentions off-handily a Cat Fight, but she does not supply details. A side-story, though, narrated what happened between them.
  • Not So Different:
    • In the false epilogue it was shown what Shinji might have turned into if Asuka would have never awoken from her coma: He would become eerily cold and driven, and his obsession with saving the woman he loved would lead him to try to bring about Instrumentality, manipulating everyone around him and treating them like tools to achieve that goal. In a nutshell, he would turn into his father. As a reader put told, the scariest thing of that alternate epilogue is it feels right.
    • Likewise, Shinji notes several times throughout how alike he and Asuka are, to the point of considering it eerie.
      I'd thought once before that she was a lot like me, by pushing people away... but I'd never imagined this. It was distressing to find out how much we really were alike.
  • Oblivious to Love: In first episode, Rei gives Shinji a chocolate heart, much to his surprise. Hikari then tells him Asuka is in love with him, much to his utter amazement and disbelief.
  • Official Couple: Shinji and Asuka.
  • Official Kiss: In chapter 4, after an awkward Test Kiss, a fight, an argument and a long talk, Asuka and Shinji kissed under the shade of a tree in the middle of a wood.
  • Out of Character: Although the author tries to -and perhaps succeed in- justify it, Rei is the most ooc character in the series. The remainder characters on the other hand are pretty spot-on.


  • Parental Substitute: Shinji looks up to Kaji and often goes to him for advice or counseling. And more than once he wished that Kaji was his father.
  • Pregnant Badass: Misato was pregnant during the final part of the Angel War. She still commanded her troops in battle and shot down an entire squad of soldiers that was about to execute Shinji.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Done several times by Asuka to HERSELF as a horrified Shinji sees her –someone who he admired by being braver and more confident than him- tearing herself apart.
  • Recursive Fanfiction: It had a sequel (called "Que Sera Sera") of a completely different writer. Sadly it got unfinished. It also has several side-stories.
  • Red Is Heroic: Asuka wears a red plugsuit and rides a red robot.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Asuka and Rei. Their relationship greatly evolves throughout the fanfic. First Asuka detests Rei and Rei ignores her. Later they can not stand each other. Finally, they try to become friends.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: After seeing what the MP Evas had done to Asuka, Shinji goes berserker. He practically channelled Kouji Kabuto (mainly the Shin Mazinger Zero incarnation) in that instant.
    Shinji: "Die... die... die... die! Die! Die! You monsters! You killed Asuka! I'll kill you! Kill you! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"
  • Robeast <=> Eldritch Abomination: The Angels.
  • Running Gag: Shinji falling on top of women.


  • Sacred First Kiss: During their first date Asuka (not entirely) jokingly accuses Shinji of completely ruining her first kiss. He agreed, feeling pretty guilty about it. In all hindsight, kissing her forcefully as she was teasing him, admitting he had kissed Rei before their date and then yelling it was nothing of her bussiness whom he kissed was probably not a good idea.
  • Scars Are Forever: The epilogue happens four years after the Final Battle. Asuka still sports the scars from her last battle.
  • Ship Sinking: Misato/Kaji after Kaji got apparently murdered. Also, Shinji/Rei at the end.
  • Shout-Out: It has its own subpage now.
  • "Shut Up" Kiss: In episode 5 Shinji does this to Asuka to shut her up after she dares him to kiss her.
  • Sour Outside, Sad Inside: Shinji used to think Asuka was a brave, bold, self-assured girll to the point of being obnoxious although he had seen some glimpses showed Asuka was weaker than she looked. Then in chapter 6 she started tearing herself apart and he was shocked because she was so fragile and insecure and frightened as him.
  • The Stations of the Canon: It starts halfpoint in the series and it follows the order of battles and main events closely.
  • Took a Level in Idealism: Through the story Shinji, Asuka and Rei often get depressed, sad or even hopeless, but ultimately they try to overcome their troubles, open up to other people and gain a more positive mindset.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: Shinji. Several times. You have that time Asuka tried -clumsily- to seduce him, and he thought she was just trying to screw with Rei, so he slapped her, called her names and treated her like dirt for several days. And then you have that another time that he insulted Rei and made her to cry because she had not told him who was the Fourth Child. In his defense, he later admited he had acted wrong and apologized to both girls.
  • That Didn't Happen: When Misato heard Kaji's last message, Shinji tried to reassure her and carry her to her bed (instead of hiding inside his bedroom. That scene alone should show you how much he had already changed for that point). Unluckily -or unluckily- they tripped and he fell on top of her. Misato kissed him before both of them fell asleep. At the next morning they agree they will not talk about it again.
  • Their First Time: Rei has her first time with Shinji when she sees him crestfallen and tries to comfort him. Several months later Asuka is the one is distraught after her Mind Rape and asks Shinji loving her and making her forget the pain for one night.
  • They Do: Shinji spent the whole story trying to choose between Asuka and Rei. Finally in the epilogue he and Asuka got married.
  • Title Drop: It happens sometimes.
  • Triang Relations: The closer is a Type 7, with Shinji loving both Asuka and rei and both girls in love with him.
  • Tsundere: Asuka.


  • Wham Line:
    Misato:"I don't want to die... because... because... I'm... I'm pregnant..."
  • What Does She See in Him?: In chapter 6 "Friends" Asuka tells Shinji her best friend has a huge crush on his best friend... and she has no idea of why she likes that pervert idiot:
    Shinji:"Are you really sure she likes him?"
    Asuka:"Sure! I asked her. I don't know why, but she has the biggest crush on that baka. Personally, I think she deserves better, but if she want him that bad..."
  • When She Smiles: After spending several chapters angry and trying to not crying, Shinji asks Asuka out. In answer she smiles, and he thinks she is gorgeous when she smiles sincerely instead of seeming mad, smug or depressed:
    She gave me her most beautiful smile, before reverting to her arrogant self. If I had not been seated on my bed, I might have fallen on the floor. For that brief moment, she had really been the most gorgeous person I had ever seen.
  • Zeerust: Averted in an unintentional -and ironically funny- way. In a chapter, Misato plays a Dvd for Shinji. Alain told in the author notes he guessed in 2015 there would be more advanced technology than dvd technology, but he didn't feel like making something up. Nearly in 2015, dvds keep being the most widespread information-storing technology.

"I won't make the same mistake this time. I won't wait for one of you to leave me. I... I had a lot of time to think. About a choice..."