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Web Video: None Piece
Coby: That particular naval base captured one of the most terrible pirates known to man.
Luffy: JOHNNY DEPP IS NOT THAT BAD!
Coby: No. No!
Luffy: I've faced him before. [under breath] Cross Depp reference off the list.
Coby: Zoro!
Luffy: ANTONIO BANDERAS!? [boat spontaneously combusts]
[Beat]
Coby: The boat's on fire.
Luffy: We don't need no water, let the motherf-ker burn! [fire continues to spread, even on to Luffy's face ]

None Piece is a Abridged Series of One Piece by PurpleEyesWTF, who also created Code MENT. It can be found here. In comparison to most other Abridged Series, it employs extremely slick editing, a minimum of pop-culture shout-outs and self-referential humor, and disturbingly hilarious jokes with rarely a beginning or end or even an explanation at all.

Basically this series successfully combines Abridged Series with YouTube Poop, is what we're saying.

The Cast so far include Monkey Dee. Luffy, a 45-year-old apparently Scottish pirate on the run from the law for making internet parodies; Zolo Zoro, a swordsman that takes a lot of punishment and apparently has really bizarre sexual proclivities; Nami, a kleptomaniac that's an even bigger Cloud Cuckoolander than the rest; and Usopp, a calm guy whom no one cares about, and is shaping up to be the crew's Only Sane Man. Sanji the Cook made his debut in Code MENT, but as of this writing has yet to appear in None Piece.

There are currently seven episodes. Note that the original fifth episode – since de-canonized and re-labelled as "Fanfic Mode: Episode "5"/14.5" – heavily features the cast of Code MENT, as well as an abridgeMENT-version of Death the Kid. The dual numbering reflects how nearly half the episode has more to do with Code MENT than None Piece, and how it's not considered canon in that show either.

Now has a character page under construction.


This show provides examples of:

  • Abusive Parents: Luffy claims that his parents gave him the first name "Monkey" because they hated him. Later, Zoro has the same explanation for why his first name is "Zolo".
  • Accidental Misnaming: Luffy refers to Coby as "Cody".
  • Achievements in Ignorance: Lelouch manages to fly a helicopter by "pushing buttons".
  • The Alcoholic: Shanks.
  • Aside Glance: Episode 2.
    Luffy: [thinking] This place is built like a librarian's miniskirt! [turns to camera] The f**k are you lookin' at?
  • Badass Beard/Badass Moustache: Luffy and Zoro have a battle of the beards at the end of episode four. Zoro wins.
  • Berserk Button: Messing with Luffy's hat is grounds for murder, though he's just as likely to kill you regardless.
  • Big "NEVER!": Episode five, when Lelouch is losing at beer pong.
    Lelouch: "This game is stupid!"
    Suzaku: "Then quit playing!"
    Lelouch: "NEVER!"
  • Big Ol' Eyebrows: Luffy and Zoro start getting these from time to time starting in Episode 4 whenever the script needs them to be upset but the source video isn't cooperating.
    • Kaya gets them in Episode "5".
  • Blessed Are the Cheesemakers: Episode "5".
    Soldier #1: [cocks gun] "Do not do this."
    Soldier #2: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME! LOOK AT THE VARIETY!" [holding a plate of cheeses]
    Soldier #1: "This is some bullshit."
    Soldier #2: "You know how I get when I'm around assorted cheeses. HELP ME!"
    Soldier #1: "The only way to help you is to eat all the cheeses before you do!"
    Soldier #2: "Yeah, I know. Let's make this a [bleep]ing competition."
    Soldier #1: "All right, but you need to control yourself."
    Soldier #2: "[bleep] YOU! I'M ALWAYS IN CONTROL!"
  • Bond One-Liner: Appropriately enough for someone that talks like Sean Connery.
    Luffy: Time to switch condiments, 'cause that weaksauce ain't working.
  • Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: Episode "5":
    C.C.: "Do you know what would be great right now?"
    Zoro: "Eating licorice?"
    Luffy: "Punching a swing set?"
    Suzaku: "Eating licorice?"
    Lelouch: "Riding a hoverboard?"
    Suzaku: Eating licorice while on a hoverboard?"
    Zoro: "No! Punch the hoverboard, eat the swing set!"
    SOME TIME LATER.
    Lelouch: "Okay. So we're all clear on this. The hoverboard is made of licorice. We can punch it if we want to, but only if it's near a swing set. Is that good? Are we good?"
    Luffy: "I like it."
    Suzaku: "Sounds good."
    Zoro: "Can the swing set hover?"
    Lelouch: "ARGHHHHHH!"
  • Brave Scot: Luffy, who has the voice of Sean Connery. Often falls into Violent Glaswegian tendencies, though.
    [swiftly punches Helmeppo in the face] "God, that was unnecessarily violent!"
  • Breath Weapon: Luffy can spit up knives and vicious cats.
  • Brick Joke: Zoro beats up Helmeppo for "wearing a purple suit in public". Later, he tells his dad that Luffy hit him.
    Capt. Morgan: Were you wearin' the purple suit?
    Helmeppo: Ye–
    Capt. Morgan: Then you deserved it!
    • An even better example is the time bomb from episode "5".
    • A cross-episode example: Near the end of Episode 4, Zoro informs Cabaji that he wants to make sweet, sweet love to Aunt Jemima. In the re-cut Episode 5, Zoro demands pancakes; shortly thereafter we see him talking dirty to five bottles of Aunt Jemima syrup.
  • Butt Monkey: Coby and Usopp.
  • The Cameo: LittleKuriboh as Shanks in episode 3. (We don't know why he agreed either.)
    • Nowacking as Kaya in Episode "5", 5, 6, and 7.
    • Masako X as Yassop in Episode 5.
  • Camp Gay: Helmeppo, with a lisp to boot.
  • Captain Obvious: Discussed, leading into a subverted You Have Outlived Your Usefulness moment:
    Marine Officer: Ah, shit! Sir, I dinged your statue.
    Capt. Morgan: Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious.
    Officer: Sir, it's Captain, sir.
    Morgan: Yes, yes, I am.
    Officer: Obvious, sir?
    Morgan: Obviously I'm a captain.
    Officer: Sir, I'm confused
    Morgan: Well you're definitely not cut out to be captain then, huh? [beat] Carry on, Lieutenant.
    Officer: I'm a corporal
    Morgan: You would be!
    Officer: Would be what, sir?
    Morgan: [raises his axe-hand]
    Officer: [in his head] Worth It. [cue Luffy distracting them both]
  • Carry the One: When one of the narrators is attempting to work out the time on one of the stills when it gives him an equation instead of "<so many> minutes later". Another narrator comes in to help him later.
    *Still with absurdly complex equation pops up*
    Low-pitched narrator: "Holy shit, no!"
    —later—
    *the same equation from before pops up again*
    High-pitched narrator: "You've just got to carry the three."
    Low-pitched narrator: "IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!"
  • Censored for Comedy: Done to the intro in one episode:
    "Dreamin', don't give it up Luffy. Dreamin', don't give it up Zolo. Dreamin', don't give it up Nami."
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Luffy, especially in the "Pirates and/or Ninjas" video.
    "When a woman needs to be comforted, she tells you it's time to buy more shoes. But she has all the shoes, so we really know she just needs boots. Now everything makes sense... Forever."
    • Zoro also appears to be one of these.
    • And Nami is definitely one.
  • Cluster Bleep Bomb: Used for the Episode 3 opening and when Nami hurts her leg.
  • Continuity Nod: Coby mentions that his best bet is to become a marine, which alludes to the actual series.
  • Covert Pervert: Nami, apparently.
    Luffy: Look, I have a rubber penis—
    Nami: Ahhhhhh.
  • Crowning Moment Of Indifference:
    Zoro: "DUDE! THEY GOT CODY!"
    Luffy: (watching his IPony 2) "Oh no. They got Cody."
  • Cross Over: "Pirates and/or Ninjas", with Naruto The Abridged Comedy Fandub Spoof Series Show and, to a lesser extent, Code MENT and Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series.
    "Thanks to the Code MENT guys for ruining my show"
    • We get another Code MENT crossover in episode 7 of None Piece, in which Luffy tries to snipe Lelouch. The dialogue of the Code MENT characters reveals that it's from episode 15. Luffy can be seen at the edge of the screen holding a sniper rifle in a Freeze-Frame Bonus at the appropriate part of that video.
  • Deadpan Snarker: This may be the route Nami is headed down, after getting off a good snark in Episode 6.
    Luffy: Don't be a wise guy, Zoro.
    Nami: I don't think he's in danger of that.
  • Death Glare: Zoro gives one to a little girl when she questions his claim that Animal Crackers are truly "the snack-food of the gods".
  • Department of Redundancy Department:
    Morgan: You will die so bad you will be dead and then you will stay dead!
  • Deflector Shields: Zoro spontaneously generates one around his head in Episode "5" knowing Luffy would throw an apple at him after he asked for one.
  • Dude, Not Funny!: Invoked by Mohji and his spastic colon. He dares Luffy, Zoro, and Nami to make jokes about it. They only stare at him in horror.
  • Entendre Failure:
    Luffy: You should know one thing about me: Everything is made of rubber! And before you even ask: yes, yes it is.
    Alvida: What the hell are you talking about?
    Luffy: Me father was a test tube and my mother was a rubber band! You do the math!
  • Everything Is Better With Spinning: Sure takes care of lions
    Luffy: You've been a very bad kitty! Spin you dumb animal! Spin until you are dead!
  • Even the Cloud-Cuckoolander Has Standards: Zoro, with one line, managed to outweird the entire cast of None Piece and Code MENT and 3 years of non-sequitur, leaving Luffy speechless.
    *Usopp shows a photo of Kaya*
    Luffy: "Someone help that tiny woman! She's trapped in a square!"
    Zoro: "WOAH, I'd suck a fart out of her ass!"
    Luffy: "I don't think I would."
    • The weirdest thing is that Nami actually agreed with him.
    • Now we have Django. He's a guy who goes around with his crew to different islands, spaying/neutering every single cat they can find, but even he thinks the Strawhats are just plain nuts. In fact, the only reason why he had his crew attack the Strawhats in the first place was because he wanted their absurdity to end.
  • Exact Words: Usopp and Luffy are spying on Kuro and Django discussing their evil plot. Usopp tells Luffy "we have to warn everybody" cue:
    Luffy: (to Django and Kuro) YOU GUYS ARE PIRATES!!!
    • After Usopp asks him what the hell he is doing.
      Luffy: YOU SAID WARN EVERYBODY!!
  • Fate Worse than Death: Apparently being married to Nami:
    Nami: Best honeymoon ever.
    Luffy: Kill me.
    Nami: (laughs) Oh, pay him no mind. (lowers her voice) Unless you wanna die. (makes raspberry noises with her tongue)
    Luffy: (gun appears next to his head) DO IT!
  • Felony Misdemeanor: Luffy is being hounded by the navy for... making Internet parodies.
  • Freeze-Frame Bonus: Located at the end of Episode 6. And now Wingdings. Translated, it reads:
    more like CHICKENWINGDINGS! WHOA DADDY- I'M ON FIRE!
  • Gag Penis: One of the perks of being made of rubber. It's also the reason that Nami is on the crew.
  • Genre Savvy: Captain Axe-Hand Morgan.
    Capt. Morgan: Son, I look like a Bond villain and there's a guy running around who talks like Sean Connery! Shit is about to go down!
  • Gilligan Cut
    Nami: Can you do me a favor?
    Luffy: So long as I don't get roped into anything stupid.
    *Nami has Luffy tied up with a rope.*
    Luffy: Wow! I actually felt myself die a little inside!
  • Gory Discretion Shot: When Luffy beats up some thugs in episode one.
    Luffy: Didja see that one, lad? His pancreas came right out his tearduct!
  • Groin Attack:
    Pirate: (after being kicked in the balls) "My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!"
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Luffy, all the freaking way.
    "Those passengers aren't just gonna kill themselves, ya know!"
  • I Do Not Own: Each episode starts with the standard abridged series disclaimer but it's only on screen for about a second before cutting to the episode proper.
    Luffy: Read the disclaimer!
    • In the original cut of Episode 5 it gets broken by a dodge ball.
    • In the final cut of Episode 5 it's onscreen for the duration of one quick censor bleep (about half a second).
    • In Episode 6 it's translucent and activated (and deactivated) by a cane-toad hitting its head on a Mario "?" block. Multiple times. Which changes each time the toad activates it.
  • Incendiary Exponent: You can guarantee that every few minutes, something will burst into flames.
  • Incoming Ham:
    Cabaji: "Bold words coming from someone not on a unicycle."
  • Iron Butt Monkey: Zoro. He's been run through with a sword twice, fallen from the upper atmosphere through a roof onto a dance floor, and was in a helicopter crash.
  • Insane Troll Logic: All over the place. But especially Zoro in episode 4.
    *After Buggy has stabbed Zoro in the back*
    Zoro: "DAMMIT! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
    Buggy: "..."
    Zoro: "FUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! GOD!"
    Buggy: "...You cut me into pieces."
    Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! ...FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
    • Then again, Buggy can reassemble himself easily, so cutting him up isn't necessarily a big deal. The exchange quoted under Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs, on the other hand, is a shining example of ludicrous logic.
  • Lemony Narrator: Two of them! And they take this trope to ludicrous levels. They're pretty much characters themselves, and as such they're just as insane as everyone else.
    High-pitched narrator: "Where did our heroes go?"
    *Draws a circle around Luffy and Zoro a la sports instant replay*
    High-pitched narrator: "There they are! Right there!"
    *Loud knocking on a door in the background*
    Low-pitched narrator: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!"
    High-pitched narrator: "I've gotta go."
  • Let Me at Him!: Or as Luffy puts it, "Come at me, bro!"
  • Love at First Sight: Zoro falls in love with C.C. when he first sees her in episode five.
  • Medium Awareness: Luffy seems to be able to hear the narrator, and at one point he turns to the audience and asks what they're looking at.
  • Mind Screw: EVERYTHING
  • Mundane Made Awesome: Zoro's sandwich, which has four different types of cheese and six different kinds of meat.
    Zoro: "I don't even know that many kinds of meat."
    • Animal crackers are "THE SNACK FOOD OF THE GODS!".
  • Multiple Choice Past: Played for Laughs:
    Luffy: "Don't ask me, Usopp. I'm very bad at recollecting my past."
    Zoro: "Yeah, dude. Don't bother. Last time I got Rihanna and dinosaurs."
  • Never Learnt To Read: Luffy, when he tries to read the disclaimer for Episode 3.
  • Never Say That Again:
    Luffy: She snuck up on us, like a- like a-
    Coby: Like a ninja?
    Luffy: CODY! Don't you ever say that word again!
    Coby: What? Why?
    Luffy: EVER!!!
  • Nice Hat: "I am rubber and you are fat; don't you dare touch my hat!"
  • No Indoor Voice: Luffy, when Rule of Funny is in full effect.
  • Noodle Incident: "And that's when I discovered they were human bones! Ahahahahahaha!"
  • No Sell: The second time Luffy tries to throw an apple at Zoro, it is deflected by Some Kind of Force Field.
  • Obviously Evil: Played With for Kuro. Within seconds of meeting him, Luffy immediately determines that he is evil. However, it is revealed that the entire extent of Kuro's schemes is to spay/neuter cats. Luffy considers this to be just as bad.
  • Older than They Look: Luffy.
    Coby: Luffy you are the strangest boy I've ever met.
    Luffy: Boy!? I'm 45 years old, lad!
    Coby: But you look like you're 16.
    Luffy: You try getting wrinkles bein' made of rubber.
  • Off the Rails: Episode 5 is an understatement. Both versions, and for different reasons.
  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Luffy occasionally starts to sound like Peter Griffin.
    • Played with in the recut Episode 5, where Zoro starts speaking with the wrong voice, before PurpleEyes curses off-mic and corrects himself.
  • Only Sane Man: Buggy. At least in the context of the absolute insanity that surrounds him.
    • He's the most down-to-earth character in his episode, and his voice is perfectly normal and his tone generally calm. Hilarious in and of itself, considering he's a clown-pirate.
      • He's more serious and level-headed than the actual Buggy. Not that that's difficult.
    • Usopp. It's like he belongs in a more serious abridged series.
      • He's more serious and level-headed than the actual Usopp.
  • Overly-Long Gag: Captain Morgan's chin has something different written on it each time he's given a close-up.
  • Prison Rape: Happened to Luffy.
    Luffy: I won't go back to prison, my butthole can't take that abuse!
  • Rapid-Fire Comedy: Gives Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series and Dragon Ball Abridged a run for their money. The rapid-fire pacing combined with the unorthodox perspective of much of the cast results in something literally stunning.
  • Re Cut: In the Dessert Bus video, PurpleEyes stated that he was going to re-edit the fifth episode of None Piece "so it's better and not better, probably better than not, maybe."
    • He did. The re-cut Episode 5 appeared on December 21, 2012. It manages to be nearly as crazy as the "Fanfic Mode" cut.
  • Rule of Three:
    • First minute of the first episode, no less:
    Luffy: {inside a barrel as they fail to reel him in} "Oh, you suck at this!"
    Second sailor on deck: "Oh my God, Fred, you suck!"
    Sailor in crow's nest: "Fred, you suck!"
  • Running Gag: A cupcake frequently appears to other characters in Episode 2 and returns in Episode "5".
  • Sarcasm Mode: In the recut Episode 5, when Zoro, Luffy, and Nami land on a random island.
    Zoro: "We're HERE!"
    Luffy: *snort* "W—fucking wh—where... YES WE ARE!"
    • And again later that episode.
      Zoro: "We're here!"
      Luffy: "Are we, Zoro? Are we?"
      Zoro: "...Well yeah."
      Luffy: "Zoro, I don't want to ruin your childlike innocence, but just know that this dance that I'm about to do is entirely sarcastic."
      Zoro: "Sarcasm is a smell, right?"
      [beat] {Luffy does the victory dance from Final Fantasy}
  • Shout-Out: In the crossover video, Luffy alludes to the "bridge" joke by informing Joekage that he digs canals.
    Suzaku: "Luffy! What does the scouter say about his suck level!"
    Luffy: "It's one thousand and six!"
    Lelouch: "IT'S ON THE WRONG EAR, YOU IDIOT!"
    • While Captain Morgan is ranting about how he's going to deal with Luffy, Zoro and Coby:
    • A subtle one to Doctor Who in episode 7, if you read between the lines. It helps that later in the episode he shows up in episode 15 of Code MENT (which was uploaded 6 days earlier) to snipe Lelouch.
    Luffy: Damn it, man, I'm a pirate, not a doctor!
    (glowing cliff face making strange noises)
    Luffy: Because I don't know about space-time travel!
  • Single-Stroke Battle: Zoro against Cabaji. Turns out to be a blood loss induced fantasy.
  • Sound Effect Bleep
    • Played with in one line of episode 4. Averted in the rest of that episode.
    Zoro: I dragged his ass two miles and you had the *bleep* key the whole *bleep* fucking time!?
  • Spell My Name with an S: Defied; Zoro's full name is "Zolo Zoro".
  • Spoof Aesop: In Episode "5".
    Lelouch: "Now, Suzaku, what did we learn from all this?"
    Suzaku: "NOTHING!"
    Lelouch: "See! He can learn!"
    Death The Kid: "Whatever."
  • Surrounded by Idiots: This is apparently the case for Captain Morgan, as his subordinates apparently don't understand literary devices such as sarcasm and metaphor. It's also possible he's constantly being tossed the Idiot Ball by underlings who go out of their way to Troll him.
    Capt. Morgan: Let's just stand around like idiots until someone does something!
  • Take That: The Hangover series gets a couple.
    Luffy: Oh my god Cody, you'll never guess what I'm lookin' at. They're filming The Hangover 2 over here.
    Coby: Oh yeah? How is it?
    Luffy: (eyes burning) It's just like the first one.
    • And if you pay attention in Episode 7, while Zoro is running around in a panic after being set on fire, you can hear him mention The Hangover 3.
  • Talk Like a Pirate
    Buggy: I be a Clown Pirate.
    Luffy: That's very interesting. You're very interesting.
  • Tempting Fate: "Your friends crashed a helicopter into my house!" "It was just the one helicopter." Immediately, a second helicopter crashes into her house.
  • They Fight Crime: Luffy and Shanks in episode 3
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Zoro really likes pancakes.
  • Vagina Dentata: Referenced when Luffy gets shot in episode two.
    Luffy: "That stung like a woman with teeth in her beef portal!"
  • What Did I Do Last Night?: Luffy forgot the events of the party in Episode "5" after the helicopter crash.
    • According to Zoro, arguing politics.
  • Wham Line: In Episode "5" after Usopp explains that Kaya parents were killed by pillows.
    Kaya: {burying her face in a pillow} "I hope your entire family gets molested."
  • Who's on First?: In episode 3, Zoro asks Luffy what the "D" in his name stands for.
    Luffy: [It stands for] "Dee."
    Zoro: Yeah, what's it stand for?
    Luffy: "Dee." [etc.]
  • Who Writes This Crap?!: Or maybe just in-universe; it's hard to tell.
    (Luffy beats up four guys)
    Luffy: "Ball four, take yer base!" (looks at camera) "Dammit, that was terrible!"
  • Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him?: Averted by Nami and Luffy shooting Cabaji and Buggy respectively in episode 4.
    (Luffy and Nami high-five)
    Nami: Freakin' solid.
  • Writers Cannot Do Math: Averted. The equation in episode five works.
    • So this is more a case of "Narrators can't do math", as you need to do a lot more than carry the 3, as the lower voiced narrator points out.
  • Zany Scheme: Django's plan to get Kaya's property; he wants to release around 50 goats onto her lawn. Apparently their irregular grazing patterns will ruin the lawn for generations!
    • As we find out in Episode 7, Miss Kaya's property in this context refers to her goat butler's ballsack. That makes this a rare case of fridge Squick, when you realize that lawn can be a euphemism for hair in the crotch region.

Noisy HillThe Abridged SeriesNullmetal Alchemist

alternative title(s): None Piece
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