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Web Video: Nullmetal Alchemist

"What is going on?
I don't have the slightest clue!
I just slapped a cow!"

Haiku-Style Theme Song (summing up the show with quirky animation to boot)

Nullmetal Alchemist is an Abridged Series based on Fullmetal Alchemist. Created by Faulerro, the anime is deliberately mimicking the surrealist humor used by fellow abridger Purpleeyeswtf (see None Piece and Code MENT). It can be found here.

There is an unrelated Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood Abridged.

Tropes:

  • Abridged Series: Of the 2003 FMA anime, naturally.
  • Affably Evil: Barry the Chopper. He's fine with joking around with his name, and answering Ed's question; tying Ed up is as hostile to him as he gets. He even asks if they still can't be friends, despite wanting to chop him up. Predictably, they find common ground, as a butcher and nightmare fetishist, respectively, which they have a heart-to-heart talk about.
    • Frankly, he's nicer to Ed than the military. Well, except for the part where he stabs Ed. He's still a serial killer, after all.
    • Lampshaded by Ed, after he and Winry are freed.
      "Nice bloke, though, if you look past all the mutilation, I mean."
    • As of episode 11, possibly Scar, who seems to use the word "Friends" in place of "Victim".
    "Time to go make some more friends."
  • Agent Peacock: Mustang. Envy, even moreso.
  • Alchemy Is Magic: Lampshaded to hell. Ed's insistent on it being called "magic" instead of alchemy and being a "magician" than an alchemist. However, one of the reasons he does this is his mom asked him to call it magic because "alchemy sounds too pretentious."
  • Ambiguous Gender: The police need to have Edward's genitals examined before they decide he's a boy. And not a tall busty female cat burglar.
  • Annoying Younger Sibling: How Ed feels about Al, he only brought him back because Al couldn't be his servant if he wasn't there.
  • Anything That Moves: Lust, appropriately enough. Mustang may possibly be this as well.
  • Big Brother Bully: Both Ed and Russel. Alphonse and Flecter bond over the various abuses and shenanigans that their respective siblings put them through.
  • Big Brother Instinct: Ed's reaction when he finds out what Tucker did to Nina.
  • The Brute: Gluttony.
  • The Caligula: King Bradley. Creates a mandatory national holiday specifically to make fun of Mexicans, and later grants Edward an alchemy license just for sitting in a chair. He also decreed the death penalty for anyone wearing green in what is widely remembered as the worst St. Patrick's Day ever and likes to spend Alchemist's Christmas stabbing people if they don't enjoy themselves... or even if they do.
  • Camp Something: Mustang. Jury's out on which way his Nullmetal incarnation swings, but either way he's Always Camp.
    Mustang: ...wait, where'd you get that idea? [...] I mean, I've had sex with lots of women, Nullmetal. I dunno if you've noticed but it's happened. [...] Last night! I saw her boobs and everything! Didn't I see her boobs, Second Lieutenant?
    Hawkeye: I wasn't there, sir.
  • Catch Phrase: Nullmetal's "BIGGITY BAM!" and Dr. Marcoh has a habit of replying to people saying his name with "Polo (Motherfucker)."
    • Don't forget Edward's "Nipples Scrotums!!!"
  • Christmas Episodes: Alchemists' Christmas (2011), Winterrorism (2012)
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Many, and in tiers, no less. Bradley sits at the top, followed closely by Maes Hughes and Barry. Roy Mustang is a few rungs beneath, and Ed only a little ways below that. Only Riza and Al qualify as sane.
  • Crossover: Had one with Code MENT in "The Pursuit of Happiness."
  • Death by Adaptation: Psiren, instead of being encased in the giant hand Edward summons up like in the anime, Ed instead crushes her to death, much to Al's dismay.
  • Deceased Parents Are the Best: Like in the source material, Trisha was a pretty good mom before her death of lazy malaria.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Envy in Homunculus Tales.
    • In episode 11, during his fight with Mustang, Ed recalled some advice from Mrs. Curtis.
  • Express Delivery: Gracia didn't even realize she was pregnant.
  • Expy: Psiren is a Classy Cat-Burglar with a literal cat-theme. Naturally, the obvious comparison is made.
    Intro Song: She's like Anne Hathaway crossed with Michelle Pfeiffer.
  • Foreshadowing: Shou Tucker isn't the least bit subtle about his plans for Nina. He later even lampshades how obvious the buildup was.
    • Surely Faurlerro's using his native British accent for Envy was a random stylistic choice! Even though he's quite the convincing Fake American for all his other non-Elric voices.
    • Trisha Elric dies from "Lazy Malaria", which manifests in her quietly commenting that she's dying because she just doesn't feel like living anymore. This seemingly foreshadows her resurrection as the Homunculus Sloth (AKA, "laziness").
  • Hypocritical Humor: Gluttony calls one of the guys he's about to eat "Tons of Fun" (a common insult directed at overweight people). Given how fat Gluttony is, you'd think he'd acknowledge the hypocrisy.
  • If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him: Shou Tucker tries this on Edward. To no effect.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: After seeing Cornello perform miracles, Edward is impressed by his magic...
    Ed: Which is why I must eat him!
    • He also threatens to eat Shou Tucker. Although he was actually kind of justified in that case.
    • And everyone in the song "EDWARD ELRIC YO". So yeah, Edward's a cannibal.
    • Gluttony also qualifies, though that should be obvious.
    Lust: He sure knows how to eat a person.
    Envy: That he most certainly does.
  • Incredibly Lame Visual Pun: Winry is ecstatic when she sees Barry's refrigerated van, leading to this line.
    Winry: Ahh, would you feel that refrigeration unit doing it's thing? ...This is divine! I just want to be inside it!
    • Lampshaded a few lines later by Barry.
    Barry: Now, I know what you're thinking: my truck is pretty hot, but you're wrong! It's cold as crap in there. See, that guy's gonna freeze his balls off.
    Winry: Can I?!
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: In episode 11, after Ed tears Mustang's glove and uses his magic to create a cannon.
    You're as good as defeated Musty. And you know what? It's cannon.
  • Insistent Terminology: See Alchemy Is Magic.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: While the emphasis is much heavier on the "Jerk" part in this version, Ed still has his share of good qualities.
  • Lack of Empathy: Envy.
    Envy: What is it with humans and guilt, anyway? I just don't get that concept.
  • Large Ham: Roy Mustang. Of course.
  • Last Request: On her deathbed from lazy malaria, Ed's mother asked him to not call it alchemy as it sounded pretentious.
  • Lazy Bum: Trisha dies of a disease called "lazy malaria", which makes her into such a lazy bum that she dies because she just doesn't feel like living anymore. Given the fact that Trisha is later resurrected as the Homunculus Sloth (which basically means laziness), this might also be foreshadowing.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Ed's lengthy gushing about Barry's "mutilations." Barry is guest-voiced by PurpleEyesWTF, creator of the abridged series-es that inspired this one.
  • Let's Get Dangerous: The start of ep. 4, when Ed must face Majhal:
    Ed: ...Al, get my top hat.
    Al: But you don't have a top hat.
    Ed: Then I'll make one!
    Claps hands together, tiny top hat appears
    Ed: Magic just got real!
    Cue Dramatic Chord
    • Edward absolutely loses it after Shou creates a chimera with Nina and Alexander.
    • In episode 12, when Marcoh responds to Scar's shout of "Marcoh?" with "Polo, MOTHERFUCKER!"
  • Magic by Any Other Name: Ed constantly calls Alchemy "Magic" due to his mother telling him not to call it Alchemy because it sounds pretentious just before she died.
  • A Man Is Not a Virgin: Hughes hires hookers to help celebrate Ed's birthday.
  • Mike Nelson, Destroyer of Worlds: Scar, of all people.
  • Nice Hat: Edward's tiny top hat.
    • Also the "Naughty Little Alchemist" fez.
    Mustang: That hat looks fantastic on you.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Edward shows signs of being this at times.
    Ed: (upon seeing his revived mother's hideous face) Mom? Oh my God... you're beautiful!
    • And later on, after hearing Al's justification for staying a suit of armor (to be attractive to Winry):
    Ed: That's fucked up. (beat) I like it.
    • Though he draws the line with Shou Tucker. Then again, who wouldn't?
    • As of Episode 7, Ed as admitted that the grotesque fascinates him. Al outright calls him a nightmare fetishist.
  • No Sympathy: Ed shows little sympathy for Winry after the death of her parents.
    Ed: It all started when our friend Winry got upset for no reason other than her period.
    • Although Winry returns the favor after the whole human transmutation thing.
    Winry: (after Ed and Al return from being mutilated) You're both retarded.
  • Only Sane Man: Both Al and Riza have found they relate to each other.
    • Occasionally Edward, when he's not threatening to eat Father Cornello or going in psychotic rants.
    • Roy Mustang - at least, in comparison to Fuhrer Bradley and Maes Hughes.
    • Essentially, it's a Cloudcuckooland with everyone's sanity varying on different subjects and in comparison to each other. Best exemplified in episode 11, when Roy and Ed are sane to Bradley, Ed is sane to Roy when his anger isn't in the way, Hues is the sane man to their fight (while also shipping them), and Al's sanity flies out the window once he gets his hands on a cat. And Riza's sane to everyone.
    • Riza and Marcoh are so far the only characters who are not clearly insane.
  • Police Are Useless: Oh yes. Not only do they confuse a 15-year-old with an adult woman twice his height, but they're utterly baffled by the use of magic. In a setting where said magic is basically public knowledge. What.
  • Rapid-Fire Comedy
  • Reference Overdosed: Weaponized. Ed specializes in contextually-insensitive magic. He defeats his enemies by distracting them with sudden cutaways to out-of-context clips of other anime.
  • Seen It All: The Elric brothers tend to treat most things they see this way. They even start making bets on what kind of problem the next town they walk into will give them.
  • Shipper on Deck: As of Episode 11, Hughes seems to be this for Roy/Ed.
  • Shout-Out: Al's Johnny Yong Bosch voice and his response - "I don't like Johnny Yong Bosch" - are both references to one of the anniversary videos done by LittleKuriboh. In the video, LK had a puppet that spoke in that same voice - claiming to be JYB - and he would always say "I don't like [thing]".
    • In Episode 1, Ed insists that Cornello's ring is the Sorcerer's Stone, not the Philosopher's Stone. He then says "Now give me my stone," which is a reference to a particularly narmy line from Alone In The Dark 2008
    • In Episodes 1 and 2, Ed and Al explain their backstory to Cornello through the Saturday Morning Cartoon openings of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show and Earthworm Jim, much to Cornello's annoyance.
    • In Episode 7, the final paragraph in King Bradley's long explanation of Edward's title is the lyrics to the theme song of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. note 
    • In Episode 10, when the Elric Brothers first encountered the Tringham Brothers, Ed and Russel used the dialogue from Sonic and Shadow the Hedgehogs of Sonic Adventure 2, much to Al and Flecter's annoyance.
    • In Episode 11, right before his battle with Edward, Mustang reads off the spoken lines from the Cowboy Bebop opening, releasing his first snap after "3, 2, 1...Let's Jam!"
    • The cow in the haiku-style opening is obviously Hiromu Arakawa's "bespectacled cow" Author Avatar.
  • Sleeps with Everyone but You: Lust would have sex with anything that happens to have a pulse, but evidently won't touch Gluttony.
    Gluttony: I have yet to experience this [sex] myself. Still kinda hoping...
    Lust: Hhehe, you're so funny Gluttony baby!
    Gluttony: (sounding very sad) Hopin' with all my heart...
  • Stealth Pun: Mustang is the "Flaming Alchemist".
  • Tempting Fate: In episode 3, after Winry tells the Elric brothers that her parents are dead. Ed responds that something like that will never happen to their mother (while saying ever a few times). 3 seconds later, she's hit by lazy malaria and dies.
  • Title Drop: "Nullmetal Alchemist" becomes Ed's official title.
    Roy: A Nullmetal Alchemist, yes! What do you think?
    Ed: That... doesn't make any sense.
    Roy: Ha ha! Of course it doesn't! These things aren't meant to. "Ment", get it?
  • Unreadably Fast Text:
    • Episode Five: Roy's list of things to do on Happy Make Fun Of Mexicans Day.
    • Episode Seven: King Bradley's letter on Edward's "Nullmetal" title.
  • Villain Has a Point: Despite how Affably Evil Scar normally is, the only time he acts with noticable hostility is towards NullMetal, for his abuse of his alchemical powers.
    • Even more chillingly, in this Abridged Series, the deranged, unsettlingly polite serial killer may be the closest thing to an actual hero.
  • Vocal Dissonance: Lust. Body of a 20-something woman, voice of a leather daddy.
  • World of Ham
  • Wrong On So Many Levels: "You're attracted to [Psiren] because she reminds you of MUM! I allowed the Winry thing but this is all the way messed up!"