Funny: None Piece
You know, it probably would be faster to say "the entire series" and go to lunch earlier, but I guess we're all committed to this. And there is Episode 5.note
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- A pirate mook trying to calm down the passengers on a cruise boat in the first episode:
Mook: "OH, C'MON! WHERE ARE YOU EVEN RUNNING TO?! IT'S A BOAT!"
- "High School prom on a boat. Pretty cool, huh?" "Well, at least the white people can blame their inability to dance on sea turbulence!"
- "MY ONLY WEAKNESS! MY BALLS! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"
- "I THOUGHT BATTLEFIELD EARTH WAS AN OKAY MOVIE!!"
- "I WON'T GO BACK TO PRISON, MY BUTTHOLE CAN'T TAKE THAT ABUSE!"
- "If there's something you need to know about me, everything is made of rubber. And before you ask, yes. Yes, it is."
- Also funny because the creator of the actual One Piece was once asked that as well, and he also answered in the affirmative, going so far as to have it be pointed out in the story itself.
- Luffy's variation of a childhood insult.
I am rubber and you are fat!
Don't you dare touch my hat! *Megaton Punch*
- The way Luffy says "Ah yes, swords. Nature's knives."
- Luffy: "WOAH! She snuck up on us like a, like a-"
Coby: Like a ninja?Luffy: CODY! Don't you EVER say that word again!"Coby: "But I-"Luffy: "EVER!"
- Immediately after Zoro punches Helmeppo for wearing a purple suit...
Zoro: Eh, bored now. *drops his sword*
- Helmeppo and his two soldiers strutting away fabulously to the tune of "Walk the Dinosaur". Zoro certainly approves.
Zoro: Damn it, that's fabulous.
- Helmeppo takes a bite out of a rice ball, then slaps the others out of the girl's hand.
Helmeppo: Ugh, and now I feel like dancing. *Starts stomping on the rice ball to the tune of Born This Way. Cut to Cody with a flabbergasted look on his face.*
Luffy: "Cody, this doesn't look good! HE'S STYLING ALL OVER HIS BALLS!"
- Followed by:
- After Helmeppo gets punched in the face by Luffy:
Helmeppo: "Mister, you are in a LOT of trouble! Wait 'til my dad gets here!Luffy: "Who knows!? Maybe I'll switch it up a bit and punch him in the face too!Helmeppo: "Whatever. Red vests were so last season."Luffy: (deadpan) "Cody, hold me back."
- Most of Morgan's Scenes.
Helmeppo: "Daddy, someone hit me!Morgan: "Were you wearing the purple suit?"Helmeppo: "Ye-"Morgan: (interrupting) "Then you deserved it!Morgan: Son, I look like a Bond villain and there's some guy running around who sounds like Sean Connery. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!Morgan: "Men, make 'em swiss!"Morgan: "Cheese, men, cheese."Marine: "Not hungry, sir!"Morgan: I'm up to my tits in morons.
- Luffy's lost:
Luffy: "This place is built like a librarian's mini-skirt!" *turns toward camera* "The fuck are you lookin' at?"
- Luffy breaks Morgan's Statue:
Luffy: "Sorry I punched you in the face and broke your daddy's statue! Think we can still be friends?"Luffy grabs Helmeppo and runs away
- The Intro.
Dreamin'! Don't *bleep* it up Luffy,Dreamin'! Don't *bleep* it up Zoro,Dreamin'! Don't *bleep* it up Nami!
- "You saved me yet again baby seal!" "But you still have all your hair..." [absurdly long pause, in which Luffy notices that Zoro somehow escaped his binds] "Okay."
Morgan: That's it, you pirate bastards! You're all going to die! I'm going to chop you limb from limb! You're going to have a little bit of the captain in you! You will die so badly you will be dead and then you will stay dead and - he's not listening, is he?
- The joke being that Luffy's Funetik Aksent makes it sound like he's saying "shave" instead of "save".
- Morgan's Rant
- Luffy runs at Morgan through a crowd of Marines.
Marine 1: His speed!Marine 2: Incredible!Marine 3: He's like The Flash!Marine 4: (unimpressed) Eh, I've seen faster.Luffy: Friggin' sandals!
- (After viciously punching Morgan then knocking out Helmeppo in one hit)
Luffy: "God, that was unnecessarily violent!"
- Shank sitting with his hand in the air, and suddenly, without it being commented on, a waffle simply materializes from his hand.
- This Butt Monkey joke:
Narrator: "And so, our three brave heroes set out for the adventure of a lifetime."Zolo: "AW SHIT, WE FORGOT CODY!"Marine: *to a scared Coby* "You are in a lot of trouble."Narrator: "And so, our two brave heroes set out for the adventure of a lifetime."
- Luffy learns Zoro's first name.
Luffy: HOW ARE YOU NOT HEARING TH-wait, your name is Zolo Zoro?Luffy: HA-HA! SUCKS TO BE YOU!
- "What does the D stand for?"
- Luffy is captured by Buggy.
Luffy: What do want with me you weird space man?Buggy: Uuuuuhh...Nami: He thinks clowns are from space.Luffy: Clowns are from space.Buggy: *thinking* Dammit he knows!Luffy: Dammit I know!Pirate: I'm from Georgia.
- Followed by Zoro rocking up with a very long cheese-and-meat sandwich. He didn't even know there were six different kinds of meat.
- Buggy is cut up by Zoro.
Zoro: "There was just no reasoning with him-GURHK!" (he is stabbed by one of Buggy's knives as Buggy reassembles himself)Buggy: "No doubt you're impressed. My powers are an amazing sight to behol-"Zoro: (in pain) "DAMMIT! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"Zoro: "FUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!? GOD!"Buggy "You-You cut me into pieces."Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
- The color commentator.
Commentator: (excited) "Where did our heroes go? (Zoro is dragging Luffy around town in a cage) There they are! (circles them à la John Madden) Right there!Narrator: (angrily banging on the door) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!?"Commentator: (excited) "I gotta go!"
- Zoro gets finished lugging Luffy in a cage. Then Nami brings a key a Zoro yells about Nami having the F***-ing key. The hilarious part is that the next Sound Effect Bleep manages the fail to cover up the F-bomb, being placed right before it.
I DRAGGED HIS ASS TWO MILES, AND YOU HAD THE *BEEP* KEY THE WHOLE *BEEP* FUCKING TIME!?
- What was the bleep covering up? The sentence makes sense without the bleep.
- The banter between Zolo and Buggy's first mate:
Cabaji "Looks like you're tougher than I thought! I'll just have to step it up a notch with my ultimate technique! DREIDELS OF A THOUSAND JEWS!"(the attack bounces off of Zoro)Zoro: "Let's get one thing straight here: I wanna make sweet, sugary love to Aunt Jemima!"
Luffy: "All this jackass needs is Tilda Swinton and he's ready to tackle Narnia! I am insulting your wardrobe!Zolo: "Seriously, dude, what the heck is your story?"Mohji: (deadpan) "I have a spastic colon."Luffy & Zolo: "O_O"Luffy & Zolo: O_O"
- "It's Taco day ..."
Luffy: "...Holy shit."Ritchie: "DON'T EVER SAY THAT WORD!" *smashes Luffy's cage*
- Even funnier is the follow-up to that story.
Episode 5- 7 (Fanfic Mode)
Episode 14.5/5 may qualify for being one of the funniest videos in the history of the internet. PURE CRACK doesn't even begin to describing it.
- Particular parts to note: the cameo with the two Code MENT soldiers fighting over cheese, Death the Kid chasing down Lelouch and the entire party sequence (Lelouch is terrible at beer pong).
Zoro: "I'd suck a fart out of her ass."
- Also worthy of note is Luffy's way of getting into Miss Kaya's estate.
Zoro: "Why don't we just try the front door like Nami and Usopp?"Luffy: "Because my idea's better. *zoom out, he's strapped to a rocket* NOW LIGHT THIS BITCH!!!"
- And so the partying commenced:
C.C: "You know what would be great right now?"Zoro: "Eating licorice?"Luffy: "PUNCHING A SWINGSET!"Suzaku: "eating licorice!"Lelouch: "RIDING A HOVERBOARD!"Suzaku: "EATING LICORICE WHILE ON THE HOVERBOARD!"SOME TIME LATERLelouch: "Ok, so we're all clear on this? The hoverboard is made of licorice. We can punch it if we want to, but only if it's near a swingset. Is that good, are we good?"Luffy: "I like it."Suzaku: "Sounds good."Zoro: "Can the swingset hover?"Lelouch: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
- Everything involving the dog was real. Purpleyes still kept everyone involved with talking to the dog in character.
- The villagers:
Villager: (in a slow Hillbilly accent) Hey! What's goin' on out here?Pat: Usopp is tickling people's butts again!Pat: Usopp, look at me. My wife's pregnant with our second child, and my eldest son just ate a bar of soap. I got out this broom thinking I could clean it. You can't clean soap with a broom.Villager: Should we run after him?Barry: No! Send in the children.Pat: Remind me why you're the one calling the shots again?Barry: Maybe it's because my son isn't retarded and eats soap in his spare time!Pat: FUCK YOU, BARRY!Barry: EAT MY DICK, PAT!
- While Luffy is arguing with some kid:
Nami: (thinking) "Why am I on this crew again?"Luffy: (talking to the kid) "Look, I have a rubber penis."Nami: (thinking) "Ahhh..."
- And before that...
Zoro: "Hmm. This is not meant to be offensive to a group of people and their sexuality but you are gay."Kid: "I believe the term you looking for is effeminate—"Zoro: "Shut up fa***t"Luffy: "Whatever heterof**."
- Luffy meets Kuro:
- Kuro: "Do you know what I care about?"Luffy: "You're evil, aren't you?"CUT TO DJANGO AND KURO LATER:Kuro: "THEY ARE SO FUCKING ON TO US!!!"
- Kuro rages about how he was a butler for three years:
Kuro: (to Django) "Well it may not be a big deal to you, but outside your contact, the only people I've been able to hang out with are some weird annoying girl and a goddamned lamb-man! Let me repeat that: a GODDAMNED LAMB-MAN! He's a ***ing man and a lamb. I have nothing in common with a person like that! What could I possibly talk to him about? "Oh yeah, how much do you sell your wool for in the market, I got jack shit because my dad didn't *** a sheep!"Django: "Ya don't have to be an asshole."
- Followed quickly by:
Usopp: (spying on Django and Kuro) "...they're cold blooded pirates, looks like your intuition was right, we have to warn everybody."Luffy: (To Kuro and Django) "YOU GUYS ARE PIRATES!!!"Usopp: "What? The? *BLEEP*?!"Luffy: "What?"Usopp: "What the *BLEEP* was that?!"Luffy: "What are you talking about?"Usopp: "You let them know we're here!!"Luffy: "YOU SAID WARN EVERYBODY!!"
- Followed quickly by:
- Luffy calls the crew to a meeting:
- Luffy: "Right, team, assemble."Zoro: "... We've been here for, like, forty minutes."Luffy: "Well then, assemble better."Zoro: "Dunno how to do that."Luffy: "Don't be a wiseguy, Zoro."Nami: "I don't think he's in danger of that."
- Luffy explains why he wants to recruit Usopp:
- Luffy: "... Because, Zoro, one day I want to find the None Piece."Zoro: "The what?"Luffy: "The None Piece, Zoro!"Zoro: "What's that?"Luffy: "It's a legendary hidden place said to contain true happiness."Zoro: "But everyone already knows where the strip club is."Nami: "I think he means real happiness, Zoro."Zoro: "But everyone already knows where the strip club is."
- Zoro: "Yeah! Whoo!"
Usopp: "What the hell's going on?"
Luffy: "Zoro's drinking beer."
Zoro: "I'm drinking beer!"
Usopp: "I... thought we were going to fight some pirates."
Zoro: "Fuck, I'm drunk!"
Luffy: "Zoro's just getting ready in his own way."
Zoro: "Ah, shit, I spilled it!"
Nami: *looks at Zoro*
Zoro: *covered in beer* "What are you looking at?" *Nami holds up a match* "Please no!" *she tosses it, Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago" plays as we hear Zoro screaming. Zoro eventually runs off, still on fire*
Luffy: "Take a good look: there goes a champion. You know, you'd think these pirates would've shown up by now."
Usopp: "Well, they could be at the other port."
Nami: "There's another port?"
Usopp: "Yeah, there's another port on the other side of the island."
Luffy: "You are just comprised of fail, aren't you?"
Usopp: "Failure breeds success."
Luffy: "Then somebody'd better man up and give the sexification to Khloe Kardashian. Ha ha ha! Onward! To battle!"
Usopp: "Wait! What the f**k does sexification mean?."
Nami: *facepalming* "Just look on the bright side, how could this get stupider than it already is?"
Zoro: "Hey, you kids wanna be on fire?"
Caption Text: "I think we can go stupider... let's check on Luffy."
Luffy: "Damn it man, I'm a pirate, not a doctor."
(a glowing rock face makes strange noises)
Luffy: "Because I don't know about space-time travel."
(cut back to glowing rock face)
Luffy: "That's bullshit."
(rock face is making higher-pitched noises)
Luffy: "That's it, you're goin' down." (jumps at rock face and vanishes)
Merry: "There has been a reckoning... It was in my pants..."Miss Kaya: "What are you talking about?"Merry: "It was Kuro... he went Freddy Krueger on my balls..."
- Then Django arrives:
Usopp: "Those must be the pirates."
Nami: *panting* "Ha... I'm here. Where's Luffy and Zoro?"
Django: "Hey, you there! What are you doing?"
Usopp: "Oh, shit! They've spotted us!"
Nami: "Shit, what's the plan?"
Usopp: "We need to stall them. I got this. Well, well, well! If it isn't the bloody pirates." *Intro to awesome music begins* "I couldn't help but notice you cowering in fear of me! Continue to do this, as this is the proper action when faced with the great and powerful Usopp!"
Django: *music stops* *[to his men]* "Who is this clown?"
Pirate: "I think he's like a lunch monitor?"
Usopp: *music goes into crescendo, increasing in epicness as it does* "Your deliverance will soon be at hand, my friends! Killing you will be frosting on my murder-cake! This day is" *farting sound* your reckoning! Should you want to live, you best kill yourselves now!"
Django: *sniffing* "I'm sorry," *music stops* "but... did you just poop?"
Usopp: "Alright, let me check." *shitting sound* "Uh, yes, yes I did."
Django: "Oh... God..."
Usopp: "I'm sorry, I thought I was ripping ass."
Django: "Alright, enough of this."
Nami: *whispering* "Ok, what's plan 'B'?"
Usopp: "Nami, my nose is six inches long, I'm wearing a hair-net, and I just shit myself. Do you really think I have a plan 'B'?"
Django: "Hey, can you and Misty get out of our way? We're... kind of in a hurry here."
Usopp: "If you plan on attacking these villagers, you'll have to do it on my grave."
Django: "Villagers? What are you talking about?"
Usopp: "Don't play fucking dumb!! Me and Luffy heard you pirates talking about the attack on the villagers!"
Django: "What are you talking about? We're here to attack the cat problem."
Usopp: "Ok... I'm completely lost."
Django: "We're here to spay and/or neuter the cats on this island."
Django: "No! Don't, 'eugh'! It's good for them; they live healthier lives."
- Then these gems from Merry (the Goat Butler):
- Then Zoro arrives:
Zoro: *panting slightly* "Ha... There you guys are!"
Django: "Great, they're multiplying."
Zoro: *panting* "Alright... What'd I miss?"
Usopp: "Apparently, they're just here to spay cats."
Zoro: "What, for real? That's kinda weird. What, do they, like, go from island to island, spaying cats?"
Nami: "Yeah, pretty much."
Zoro: "Ugh, I don't like it."
Django: "It's good for them!"
Usopp: *whispering* "I don't know, what if they're lying? We should still protect the villagers."
Zoro: *whispering* "Ah, don't worry, I already took care of that."
* Cut to the entire village ablaze and screaming in agony. Cut back to Zoro.*
Zoro: *whispering* "They can't get touched if they're on fire."
Django: "Ok, I can't take it. Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Tinkles! Attack them!"
- Then Luffy makes his entrance... by shooting Zoro in the back:
Luffy: *Pointing a sniper rifle at Lelouche* "That's it, come to papa. This isn't going to hurt at all." *Luffy fades from the Code MENT universe just before he can pull the trigger. The gun's crosshairs are now squarely on Zoro's back.*
Zoro: *gets shot in the back* "AH!! WHAT THE HELL?!"
Zoro: "'WHOOPS'? ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?!"
Luffy: "My bad, bro!"
Django: "I-I can't take this absurdity!"
Neutering Veterinarian: *thinking* "Now's probably not the best time to remind him that we came here solely to spay cats."
Luffy: "Shut up, you bloodthirsty pirates!"
Zoro: "Uh... no, dude, they're actually just here to spay cats."
Luffy: "Ugh! That's even worse! You barbarians go around ripping off cat penis?"
Django: "Wht-? Yeah- That's neutering, but it's not how it works."
Neutering Veterinarian: *thinking* "Eh... basically it is."
- Also from Episode 7, without even watching the video, the thumbnail gives us this amazing line:
- Then Django arrives:
- The opening is a Gag sub to GanbareGoemon. Highlights include:
- Continuously reminding the viewer to bring a salad and getting mad that they didn't.
- Translating a long line as "Good".
- Translating "Hochie" as "Hochie".
- Failing to understand a phrase that was already in English.
- "Da Cow La"
- "And then Zoro fell into a fucking deep coma, because he's an overly critical ASS!!!"
- When Gaimon/Man in a Box is asked if they've met him before, we get this exchange.
Man in a Box: I doubt it. I'm sure I just look like someone else you know.Man in a Box: How DARE you talk your superior that way!Luffy: First off, that's wasn't an insult. Secondly if I came off a little cross, it's because I didn't expect today to include me being shot, BY A GOD DAMN CHIA PET!
Luffy: No offense—Man in a Box: And here comes the offense.Luffy: —but this script is fuck-all confusing and most of it is written like it was from a Fourth Grader.Man in a Box: That's because it was.
- Later on:
- Poor Usopp:
Usopp: Hey, he's headed in that direction!Luffy: [while running in that direction] Fuck you Usopp!
- Zoro being woken up from his coma is hilarious if you're paying attention.
Nami picks up Man in a Box's dropped gunNami: (to Usopp) Come on, let's go wake Zoro up.
Zoro: (casually) Hey. Who the fuck shot me?
- About a minute later, Zoro reappears:
- The extra features DVD. All of it. But in particular:
Zoro: The really big issue was we were worried we were gonna alienate or offend some of the audience. But I think in the end we were able to maintain our vision and still keep everybody happy.Man in a Box: Alright in this next scene all the animals have AIDS.Luffy: beat\\ IT WAS A HIGH CONCEPT PIECE!
Man in a Box: Those douchebags charged us fifty-nine million dollars.Death the Kid: I charged those douchebags fifty-nine million dollars.
- It also seems that Death the Kid (who was one of the only rational characters in a universe full of insane people) is actually quite the troll.
- When Luffy finally realizes just what the fuck is going on, it stuns him.
Luffy: Zoro? What type of film genre would you put the first "Man in a Box" in?Zoro: Uh, I think it's kinda like a snuff film.Luffy: *Sits down silently, almost... brokenly. Cut to reveal that a bunch of boxes around Luffy are filled with dildos. He stares into the sky, suddenly struck by all that had happened. Cue flashbacks.*Man in a Box: Fine, I think we can use it!Man in a Box: Alright, in this next scene, all the animals have AIDS.Man in a Box: I got a little excited when I saw your ship.' (which was covered in Horse Cock)Death the Kid: Jennifer Lawrence... plus, penis...Luffy: *Luffy's mind proceeds to utterly shatter.*
- The sequence before the credits where Toei Animation, Funimation, Fuji TV, and Eiichiro Oda get in a fight over what counts as a van.