You know, it probably would be faster to say "the entire series" and go to lunch earlier, but I guess we're all committed to this. And there is Episode 5.note (That is, the real Episode 5, not "Fanfic Mode.")
A pirate mook trying to calm down the passengers on a cruise boat in the first episode:
Mook: "OH, C'MON! WHERE ARE YOU EVEN RUNNING TO?! IT'S A BOAT!"
"High School prom on a boat. Pretty cool, huh?" "Well, at least the white people can blame their inability to dance on sea turbulence!"
"MY ONLY WEAKNESS! MY BALLS! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"
"I WON'T GO BACK TO PRISON, MY BUTTHOLE CAN'T TAKE THAT ABUSE!"
Morgan: That's it, you pirate bastards! You're all going to die! I'm going to chop you limb from limb! You're going to have a little bit of the captain in you! You will die so badly you will be dead and then you will stay dead and - he's not listening, is he?
Luffy runs at Morgan through a crowd of Marines.
Marine 1: His speed!
Marine 2: Incredible!
Marine 3: He's like The Flash!
Marine 4: (unimpressed) Eh, I've seen faster.
(After viciously punching Morgan then knocking out Helmeppo in one hit)
Luffy: "God, that was unnecessarily violent!"
Shank sitting with his hand in the air, and suddenly, without it being commented on, a waffle simply materializes from his hand.
Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
The color commentator.
Commentator: (excited) "Where did our heroes go? (Zoro is dragging Luffy around town in a cage) There they are! (circles them ą la John Madden) Right there!
Narrator: (angrily banging on the door) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!?"
Commentator: (excited) "I gotta go!"
Zoro gets finished lugging Luffy in a cage. Then Nami brings a key a Zoro yells about Nami having the F***-ing key. The hilarious part is that the next Sound Effect Bleep manages the fail to cover up the F-bomb, being placed right before it.
I DRAGGED HIS ASS TWO MILES, AND YOU HAD THE *BEEP* KEY THE WHOLE *BEEP* FUCKING TIME!?
Kuro rages about how he was a butler for three years:
Kuro: (to Django) "Well it may not be a big deal to you, but outside your contact, the only people I've been able to hang out with are some weird annoying girl and a goddamned lamb-man! Let me repeat that: a GODDAMNED LAMB-MAN! He's a ***ing man and a lamb. I have nothing in common with a person like that! What could I possibly talk to him about? "Oh yeah, how much do you sell your wool for in the market, I got jack shit because my dad didn't *** a sheep!"
Django: "Ya don't have to be an asshole."
Followed quickly by:
Usopp: (spying on Django and Kuro) "...they're cold blooded pirates, looks like your intuition was right, we have to warn everybody."
Luffy: (To Kuro and Django) "YOU GUYS ARE PIRATES!!!"
Zoro: "... We've been here for, like, forty minutes."
Luffy: "Well then, assemble better."
Zoro: "Dunno how to do that."
Luffy: "Don't be a wiseguy, Zoro."
Nami: "I don't think he's in danger of that."
Luffy explains why he wants to recruit Usopp:
Luffy: "... Because, Zoro, one day I want to find the None Piece."
Zoro: "The what?"
Luffy: "The None Piece, Zoro!"
Zoro: "What's that?"
Luffy: "It's a legendary hidden place said to contain true happiness."
Zoro: "But everyone already knows where the strip club is."
Nami: "I think he means real happiness, Zoro."
Zoro: "But everyone already knows where the strip club is."
Zoro: "Yeah! Whoo!" Usopp: "What the hell's going on?" Luffy: "Zoro's drinking beer." Zoro: "I'm drinking beer!" Usopp: "I... thought we were going to fight some pirates." Zoro: "Fuck, I'm drunk!" Luffy: "Zoro's just getting ready in his own way." Zoro: "Ah, shit, I spilled it!" Nami: *looks at Zoro* Zoro: *covered in beer* "What are you looking at?" *Nami holds up a match* "Please no!" *she tosses it, Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago" plays as we hear Zoro screaming. Zoro eventually runs off, still on fire* Luffy: "Take a good look: there goes a champion. You know, you'd think these pirates would've shown up by now." Usopp: "Well, they could be at the other port." Nami: "There's another port?" Usopp: "Yeah, there's another port on the other side of the island." Luffy: "You are just comprised of fail, aren't you?" Usopp: "Failure breeds success." Luffy: "Then somebody'd better man up and give the sexification to Khloe Kardashian. Ha ha ha! Onward! To battle!" Usopp: "Wait! What the f**k does sexification mean?." Nami: *facepalming* "Just look on the bright side, how could this get stupider than it already is?" Zoro:"Hey, you kids wanna be on fire?" Caption Text:"I think we can go stupider... let's check on Luffy." Luffy: "Damn it man, I'm a pirate, not a doctor." (a glowing rock face makes strange noises) Luffy: "Because I don't know about space-time travel." (cut back to glowing rock face) Luffy: "That's bullshit." (rock face is making higher-pitched noises) Luffy: "That's it, you're goin' down." (jumps at rock face and vanishes)
Then Django arrives:
Usopp: "Those must be the pirates." Nami: *panting* "Ha... I'm here. Where's Luffy and Zoro?" Django: "Hey, you there! What are you doing?" Usopp: "Oh, shit! They've spotted us!" Nami: "Shit, what's the plan?" Usopp: "We need to stall them. I got this. Well, well, well! If it isn't the bloody pirates." *Intro to awesome music begins* "I couldn't help but notice you cowering in fear of me! Continue to do this, as this is the proper action when faced with the great and powerful Usopp!" Django: *music stops* *[to his men]* "Who is this clown?" Pirate: "I think he's like a lunch monitor?" Usopp: *music goes into crescendo, increasing in epicness as it does* "Your deliverance will soon be at hand, my friends! Killing you will be frosting on my murder-cake! This day is" *farting sound* your reckoning! Should you want to live, you best kill yourselves now!" Django: *sniffing* "I'm sorry," *music stops* "but... did you just poop?" Usopp: "Alright, let me check." *shitting sound* "Uh, yes, yes I did." Django: "Oh... God..." Usopp: "I'm sorry, I thought I was ripping ass." Beat Django: "Alright, enough of this." Nami: *whispering* "Ok, what's plan 'B'?" Usopp: "Nami, my nose is six inches long, I'm wearing a hair-net, and I just shit myself. Do you really think I have a plan 'B'?" Django: "Hey, can you and Misty get out of our way? We're... kind of in a hurry here." Usopp: "If you plan on attacking these villagers, you'll have to do it on my grave." Django: "Villagers? What are you talking about?" Usopp: "Don't play fucking dumb!! Me and Luffy heard you pirates talking about the attack on the villagers!" Django: "What are you talking about? We're here to attack the cat problem." Usopp: "Ok... I'm completely lost." Django: "We're here to spay and/or neuter the cats on this island." Usopp: "Eugh." Django: "No! Don't, 'eugh'! It's good for them; they live healthier lives."
Then Zoro arrives:
Zoro: *panting slightly* "Ha... There you guys are!" Django: "Great, they're multiplying." Zoro: *panting* "Alright... What'd I miss?" Usopp: "Apparently, they're just here to spay cats." Zoro: "What, for real? That's kinda weird. What, do they, like, go from island to island, spaying cats?" Nami: "Yeah, pretty much." Zoro: "Ugh, I don't like it." Django: "It's good for them!" Usopp: *whispering* "I don't know, what if they're lying? We should still protect the villagers." Zoro: *whispering* "Ah, don't worry, I already took care of that." * Cut to the entire village ablaze and screaming in agony. Cut back to Zoro.* beat Zoro: *whispering* "They can't get touched if they're on fire." Django: "Ok, I can't take it. Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Tinkles! Attack them!"