Recap / The Goes Wrong Show The Cornley Drama Festival

Season 2, Episodes 4 and 5:

The Cornley Drama Festival

This week brings something different to the stage. In this two-parter, instead of any grand play, Chris has allowed everyone to direct their own shows, in order to both prevent them from ousting him again, and to divest himself of responsibility for their inevitable screw-ups.

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Each Cornley actor has their own chance to shine on the stage. However, some actors take it rather too far, and in true Cornley fashion, things can't stop going wrong.

• Robert holds an acting masterclass, sharing his ideas of good acting and how to identify it.
• Max presents a kitchen sink drama, featuring crockery dancing around the sink. Act 2 is a soap opera (with Sandra singing while dressed as a bottle of cleaning fluid).
• Vanessa tries to lighten up and improvise. Key word being “tries”.
• Chris finally gets to show off his talent for ballet with a classical piece.
• Sandra directs a radio play, that is not intended as blatant advertising for her voice acting skills, entitled A Talented Woman Awakens.
• Dennis presents his self-written piece, Toothpaste, £1.69.
• Annie tries to put the cast in a Denser and Wackier piece performed in 1979 by the original Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society, An Upstanding Member in a Tight Spot in the Back Office.
• Finally, Jonathan presents his musical number, featuring himself as a circus ringmaster showcasing his performers' talents.

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Tropes featured across all the shows include:

• Brick Joke:
  • At the start of part 1, Chris apologises for the shoddily made banner (which misspells “festival” and features two faces of tragedy). At the start of the second part, the banner has been (poorly) corrected.
  Chris: Apologies for the banner.
  • Robert tries to demonstrate his acting “tips” again during Vanessa’s segment (wherein he puts Annie in a large hat to cover up her “terrible” acting) and Chris’s (where he engages in Ham-to-Ham Combat with Chris after trying to upstage him).
  • One of Robert's acting tips is to put the worst actor in a large hat to cover up their terrible performance. Sure enough, he later finds himself portraying the Archbishop of Canterbury in Annie's farce, complete with a tall mitre.
  • Sandra’s segment called for a horse to be included in the foley equipment, only for Trevor to tranquillise it far too well. Annie’s segment ends up being derailed by Trevor trying to sedate the now awake horse after misplacing the tranquilisers.
  • In Sandra’s segment, Dennis plays a character who won a spelling bee. In Annie’s, wherein he plays a swarm of bees, he keeps spelling out “incompetent”.
• Chekhov's Gun:
  • Invoked by Robert when he takes a gun out in his segment, saying that he now has to shoot someone later in the show. At the end of Chris’s segment, he pulls out the gun to shoot a dazed Chris.
  • Trevor brings out the horse tranquilizers at the start of the second episode; they show up again in Annie's segment.
• Never Work with Children or Animals: In-universe; in keeping with Cornley's infamous use of Awesome, but Impractical special effects, Sandra's play features a live horse as part of the sound effects. Not only does it fail to play a role in the play due to being over-tranquilized, but the horse ends up wreaking havoc on Annie's play when it wakes up, resulting in Trevor having to tranquilise the animal all over again - this time with a dart gun.
• Running Gag: As per usual, Jonathan can’t properly appear in the shows.
  • In Robert’s piece, he’s purely a placeholder for Robert, who didn’t even bother ranking him along the other actors.
  • Max’s segment sees him stuck in a tap.
  • Vanessa's segment has Dennis request to take over whenever he tries to start, and when he seems to finally be getting his chance, Vanessa chooses to end there.
  • In Chris’s ballet, he hits his head on the studio lights, and falls unconscious.
  • Sandra’s segment sees his microphone malfunction, rendering him mute.
  • Annie’s segment has to censor him to keep the show family-friendly.
  • He ends up getting Running Gagged in his own segment, with him being the only performer to appear (since everyone but Chris and Trevor are being hospitalised, and the former two are driving them there).

Robert’s piece contains examples of:

• Bad "Bad Acting": In Robert’s eyes, anything less than being a Large Ham is this. For this reason, he puts Annie and Chris, arguably two of the best actors in the troupe, on either side of Dennis and Trevor
• Foreshadowing: In one of the videos Robert films to demonstrate the difference between acting and not acting, Sandra and Annie discuss a plan to prank Chris by putting glue on his flute.
• Shoot the Money: In-Universe, Robert insisted on using 3/4s of the show’s budget for his segment. All he seems to have done with this is illegally bought tear gas.
• You Are Number 6: Robert has everyone numbered by how he rates their acting abilities (with Number 1 being himself), and at the end of the show, he only knows Max as “Number 5”.

Max’s piece contains examples of:

• Accent Upon The Wrong Syllable: Dennis’s line is supposed to end in him saying “bowl”, but he instead says “bowel”. Amazingly, beyond Jonathan getting stuck, this is the only error in the whole piece.
• Comically Missing the Point: As Chris surmises, Max seems to not understand what a kitchen sink drama actually is.

Vanessa’s piece contains examples of:

• Accidental Marriage: Dennis takes Vanessa’s proposal in the improv show as a real one, telling his mother about it (she rightfully doesn’t believe Dennis could snag a beautiful woman) and using her credit card on a venue.
• Brutal Honesty:
  Vanessa: I hope that my life coach is proud of me for doing that.
  Robert: I'm not. You need more sessions.
• Broken Record: Vanessa and Annie's improv segments during Scene Change only consist of increasingly-frantic cries of:
  Annie: 'ello, Marjorie, 'ow's the bread today?
  Vanessa: Lusty.
• Comically Missing the Point: Max fails to grasp the Alphabet Game, even with Chris explaining it to him. And yet, they manage to clear it anyway.
  Chris: Always a pleasure to see you, Gareth. (Ding!)
  Max: Hi!
  Chris: No, it has to start with "B".
  Max: Uh, Bye. (Ding!) (walks away)
  Chris: (grabs Max and pulls him back) Come back, Gareth. I need to talk to you. (Ding!)
  Max: Okay, what about?
  Chris: It has to start with "D" now.
  Max: Does it? (Ding!)
  Chris: Exactly. Now you're getting it. (Ding!)
  Max: Definitely.
  Chris: No, it has to start with "F".
  Max: Finitely. (Ding!)
  Chris: Good. (Ding!)
  Max: Thanks.
  Chris: Say a word beginning with "H"!
  (beat)
  Max: Hull. (Ding!)
  Chris: Jesus. (Ding!)
  Max: No, you missed "I".
  Chris: I'm sorry. (Ding!)
  Max: What about?
  Chris: Kindly understand the game. (Ding!)
  Max: I don't understand the game.
  Chris: SAY A WORD BEGINNING WITH "L"!
  Max: Lusty. (Ding!)
  Chris: Max. (Ding!)
  Max: No need to get upset. (Ding!)
  Chris: Oh, my God. (Ding!)
  Max: Please, Chris. (Ding!)
  Chris: Quiet! (Ding!)
  Max: Right. (Ding!)
  Chris: Stop the dings! (Ding!)
  Max: That's not very nice. (Ding!)
  Chris: Unbelievable! (Ding!)
  Max: Very rude! (Ding!)
  Chris: Will you shut up?! (Ding!)
  Max: Xylophones. (Ding!)
  Robert: (holding an x-ray while wearing a lab coat) Come on, I had that!
  Chris: You're an idiot. (Ding!)
  Max: Zoo. (Ding!)
• Gratuitous Spanish: Vanessa’s improv segment with Sandra.
  Sandra: Mira a las estrellas esta noche.
• Overly Long Gag: Vanessa attempts to give Chris an improvised speculum, which he points out has to be handled with two hands. Vanessa ends up having to say that the patient passed away in the meantime.
  Vanessa: Well, looks like we're too late. The patient has died.
  Chris: Curses, I could've saved them! (anguished sigh) If only I-
  (Robert sprays Chris in the face with the tear gas from earlier to get him to cry)
• Troll: The audience member who tries to give Vanessa the job of "fart inspector" and keeps placing the scenes in Hull.

Chris’s piece contains examples of:

• Camera Abuse: Chris accidentally throws Vanessa right into the camera.
• Delusions of Eloquence: Chris requests that the audience dress like they’re going to court before starting.
• Didn't Think This Through: Trevor helps Dennis remember his part by painting his shoes green and walking in the pattern and position he is supposed to follow. Unfortunately, he forgets to take the shoes off afterwards, resulting in Dennis following him. To solve this, Trevor walks in a circle to trap Dennis in a loop before taking the shoes off.
• Ham-to-Ham Combat: Chris engages with this when Robert tries to upstage him.

Sandra’s piece contains examples of:

• Blatant Lies: Sandra claims that her radio play is not at all because she is in the running to become the new voice of Marks and Spencer (though she is down to the final eighty).
• Break the Haughty: Almost eclipsing Robert and Chris in the ego stakes for a change, Sandra is very eager to use the play as a means of promoting herself while reducing everyone else in the cast to supporting roles... only for the whole thing to go belly-up thanks to Dennis' deodorant and Trevor's sound effect malfunctions. The play ends with Sandra throwing her sound effect cards to the floor while sobbing hysterically.
• Character Shill: Sandra periodically tries to shill something from Marks and Spencer, whose voiceover role she's trying to get.
• Character Shilling: Exaggerated Trope. Everyone talks about how amazing Sandra's character is, all the time, to the point where her phone number is mentioned in the script for advertising agencies to call her on.
  Robert: There's more to you than your sensational looks. You also have a fantastic speaking voice, and you own your own Pitch-Tone B+ Podcasting Microphone.
• Chekhov's Gun: Partway through, Sandra confiscates Dennis’ deodorant after he sprays himself with it really loudly. When Sandra is about to take another hit from her breath spray, she ends up getting it mixed up with the deodorant, rendering her voice too raspy to do much else.
• Cue Card Pause: At one point, Sandra's character says that it's "well past" — everyone turns their back to the microphone to flip their scripts over — "your bedtime."
• Dashing Hispanic: Sandra’s character is dating one played by Chris.
• Misspelling Out Loud: Dennis is cast as Benny Webber, who is supposed to win a spelling bee by correctly spelling the word "incompetent". However, Dennis' attempt — well, let's just say it calls into question his literacy skills.
  Dennis: I-N-C-O-M-M-P-E-T-E-N-T-E-N-T-E-N...T...E.
  (beat)
  Robert: Incommpetententente!
• One-Man Band: Annie simultaneously plays violin, xylophone, kick drum, and cymbal.
• Running Gag: As part of the Character Shilling, pretty much the only thing Vanessa's character ever says is, "You're ever so talented."
• Sound Defect: Trevor accidentally breaks his table of sound effects after setting the hammers he used for the clog dance down and mixes up his tools. It results in him firing his gun when the sound of birds is mentioned and cycling through everything on the table (even making sound effects that aren't even used in the play) when required to simply clap his hands for applause.
• Take Our Word for It: Sandra’s character’s recital of “The Lady of Shalot” is meant to be good enough to kickstart her career, but due to Sandra damaging her own voice beforehand, we never get to hear it.
  Robert: (reading from the script) Fantastic.
• Who Writes This Crap?!: Robert's enthusiasm takes a nosedive when it dawns on him just how much Sandra uses the play to shill herself, the Pitch-Tone B+ Podcasting Microphone being his jumping-off point. Vanessa gets it worse, as the mother of Sandra's character seems to have been written entirely - and only - to praise her.

Dennis’s piece contains examples of:

• Achievements in Ignorance: The play may be short and devoid of story, but it is the only successful piece the Society ever put on, likely due to the simple dialogue and minimal staging requirements.
• Bottle Episode: Takes place on one set, there are no special effects, and only two actors take part.
• Foregone Conclusion: The answer to the man’s query as to the price of his toothpaste is given away by the Spoiler Title.
• Inspiration for the Work: In-Universe, Dennis seems to have had the idea for a man buying toothpaste for £1.69 after buying some toothpaste for £1.99.
• Minimalist Cast: Only Max and Dennis take part in this.
• Oh Wait, This Is My Grocery List: Parodied.
  Dennis: My play is called... (takes paper out of his pocket) "Toothpaste, £1.99". Sorry, that's a receipt. My play is called... (takes out another paper) "Toothpaste, £1.69".

Annie’s piece contains examples of:

• Anti-Humor: Due to various in-universe mishaps, the scripted jokes don't land as expected (i.e. Max failing to "accidentally" shatter a window with a bucket, and Vanessa screwing up her character's innuendos).
• Aside Comment: Annie looks at the camera and makes a comment after practically every punchline, often after a Rimshot.
• Cannot Tell a Joke: Vanessa's primary role is to make sexual innuendos. Sadly, under pressure, she keeps using words that make her lines cleaner than intended and having to correct herself, resulting to a lot of Anti-Humor.
• Censor Box: Quite a few, covering any time Annie's character gropes Sandra's, any time Jonathan's character is on screen at all, and occasionally covering things up for no readily apparent reason.
• Closet Shuffle: Max and Sandra's characters hide in the wardrobe so they aren't seen by Vanessa's character.
• Comedic Underwear Exposure: Max's, Annie's, and Vanessa's characters all have their pants blown off by the wind. (Or, at least, they would have if the special effects had worked.) When Chris's character (the Prince of Wales) enters, he pulls off his own pants, revealing Union Jack boxers.
• Farce: The piece, appropriately titled "An Upstanding Member in a Tight Spot in the Back Office", is an exaggerated 1970s British farce with slamming doors, people hiding in furniture, people accidentally (or intentionally) disrobing, and people accidentally taking powerful aphrodisiacs. We don't get to see exactly how far it would have gone due to the aphrodisiac pills being replaced with horse tranquilizers.
• Generation Xerox: The original Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society, as Annie reveals in her introduction, apparently looked just like the present-day members, only dressed in period-appropriate fashion.
• Instant Sedation: The horse tranquilizers, both in pill form and as tranquilizer darts.
• Naked People Are Funny: Jonathan makes an appearance as Norman Nord, the Nudist Lord. He proceeds to run around the office in all his censored glory.
• Orphaned Punchline: It's a mystery what the Archbishop of Canterbury's dirty anecdotes are about in their entirety, as Robert has to be censored for seconds at a time to keep the show family-friendly.
• Oh, Crap!: Annie belatedly realizes that the "aphrodisiacs" that she's been handing out over the course of the skit are actually real horse tranquilizers. She has just enough time to make this realization before Trevor accidentally shoots her in the back with a tranquilizer dart.
  • Even before everyone accidentally gets sedated, the horse is heard audibly waking up off-set.
    Trevor: Oh god, she's awake.
    Chris: Where are the tranquilizers?!
• Sexy Secretary: Sandra's role, as a miniskirted secretary to Annie's important politician; she later dresses up in a French Maid outfit.
• Speed Sex: Joked about between Annie's and Sandra's characters.
  Sandra: At eleven o'clock, we'll be having a bit of "How's your father".
  Annie: Ooh!
  Sandra: And at five past eleven, you've got a meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury.
  Annie: So we've only got five minutes together?
  Sandra: Yes. I thought that would give me four minutes to catch up on paperwork.

Jonathan’s piece contains examples of:

• Brick Joke: At the start, Jonathan requests a piano be lowered so he can play it, only for nothing to happen because nobody else is present. At the end, as he concludes the show, the piano suddenly falls down and crushes him.
• The Cast Show Off: This piece was presumably meant to be this In-Universe, but with Jonathan the only remaining cast member, he's forced to improvise... with varying degrees of success. Among other things, he's able to do the splits, juggle, and ride a unicycle, but Jonathan being Jonathan, all three end with him getting hurt in some way.
• Disappearing Box: Jonathan is left to perform this trick by himself due to everyone else either being unconscious or gone from the studio. He accidentally manages to pull the curtain of the box straight to the other side at first when he tries to close it and has to cover himself up with the same Censor Box Norman Nord got in an attempt to make sure he doesn't ruin the trick. For what it's worth, the "reveal" still manages to get applause from the audience.
• Juggling Dangerously: Taking over for whoever would've played the juggler, Jonathan has to juggle three extremely long knives. After dropping them on the first try, he manages to get up a surprisingly effective juggling routine, only to end up hurting his hand when he catches one of the knives by the blade.
• Your Mime Makes It Real: Jonathan, while playing the mime, manages to somehow pull the festival banner down enough to the point where it only says "VILE". His dumbfounded reaction implies it wasn't intentional.

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