"I never would've even let you come tonight if I'd known you were gonna be such a pain in my ass! You know nothing about the ways of broadcasting, and you're not good for this show, so sit down and shut up so we can get through this without any more embarrassment."
—Johnny Gomez
The eleventh episode of the second season of Celebrity Deathmatch, also known as Family Day.
This episode consists of three pre-determined fights. The first undercard fight features brothers Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen settling their sibling rivalry. The second undercard fight sees sibling media personalities Donny and Marie Osmond teaming up to take on Hollywood siblings Eric and Julia Roberts. The main event of the night features a father-son partnership between music icons Bob and Jakob Dylan, pitted against comedy actors Jerry and Ben Stiller.
This episode contains examples of:
- Berserk Button: Don't swear in front of your family, especially if they're devoutly religious. Donny learns this the hard way.
- Bitch Slap: Marie starts slapping Donny when he won't stop saying "ass" to annoy her.
- Bound and Gagged: Sid hijacks Stacy Cornbred's segment by tying her up and gagging her. Later, at some point before (or even during) the main event, Sid re-enters the arena and hog-ties Mills Lane.
- Brother–Sister Team: Donny and Marie, and Eric and Julia.
- Brown Note: Jerry's shouting has this effect. He even manages to kill Jakob by shouting directly into his hear and destroying his brain.
- Cain and Abel:
- The fight between Charlie and Emilio.
- Eric and Julia hardly get along, and spend all of their time arguing with each other instead of fighting their opponents. They make up after witnessing their opponents kill each other, but go back to squabbling with each other very quickly.
- Donny and Marie turn on each other after Donny starts saying the word "ass".
- Childish Older Sibling: In Real Life Emilio is the eldest of Martin Sheen's kids—CDM depicts him as naive and dorky like a kid brother. He even falls for the old "if your hand's bigger than your face" playground prank.
- Donny and Marie get a similar dynamic, with the older Donny being painfully excitable and eager (a Fatal Flaw, in this case). This is a takeoff on their Variety Show, where Marie often played Donny's Straight Man.
- Comedic Underwear Exposure: The dominatrix uses her whip to undo Charlie's pants, causing them to drop around his ankles.
- Dance Battler: Donny starts jumping and dancing on Eric's back midway through the fight.
- Distracted by the Sexy: Emilio hires a group of sex workers to try and distract Charlie. While he does get momentarily subdued just by their appearance alone, Charlie is able to resist them up until one of them uses a Whip of Dominance to physically overpower him.
- Dominatrix: One of the sex workers Emilio hires to distract and wear down Charlie.
- Don't Make Me Take My Belt Off!: Jerry criticizes Ben for the way he's punching Jakob. When Ben says he's trying his best, Jerry threatens him with this.
- Dope Slap:
- Charlie gives Emilio a series of noogies quite early in their fight.
- Marie gives one to Sid when he won't stop harassing her in the green room.
- Dragged by the Collar: Sid is dragged out of the arena by security, due to his constant interference with the show.
- Everyone Has Standards: The Osmonds don't condone the use of swearing or foul language.
- Eye Pop: Julia's eyes bulge out of her head every time Marie punches her.
- Facepalm: After Donny says the word "ass", a cutaway to the rest of the Osmond clan in the audience shows one of them holding their head in their hand in embarrassment.
- Fingore: Donny rips off Eric's thumbs before giving them to a young audience member.
- Flipping the Bird: Charlie's response when Emilio asks to borrow some money to save him from the angry sex workers... because, why would he?
- Full-Name Ultimatum: Marie gives one to Donny before she turns on him for continually saying the word "ass".
- In-Universe Factoid Failure: For some reason, Marie says Donny's middle name as "Maurice", which is factually incorrect.
- Gale-Force Sound: Jerry screams so loud at Johnny's brother Sid for getting too close to him, that it sends him flying directly into an electrically-charged Bob.
- Here We Go Again!: Before, and even during the fight, Eric and Julia cannot stop arguing and fighting with each other. However, after watching Donny and Marie turn on, and subsequently kill each other, both Eric and Julia apologize for the things they said and embrace each other. Seconds later, they both start aggressively pushing each other.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Emilio hires a group of sex workers to help him in his fight with Charlie, but has no way of actually paying them. The women then quickly turn on Emilio instead.
- Intelligible Unintelligible: A lot of what Bob Dylan says is unintelligible mumbling peppered with actual words, but other characters understand him. Of course, this lampoons his rather nasal singing style.
- Kinky Cuffs: The dominatrix has a pair that she uses on Charlie. However, she only manages to get one cuff on before learning that Emilio has no money.
- Meet the In-Laws: Johnny invites his brother in-law, Sid Fliggle, to be on the show. However, Sid proves to be nothing but an annoyance to everyone.
- Money Dumb: Instead of paying the sex workers up-front for their assistance, Emilio instead asks them to send him a bill. When they explain that they demand C.O.D. payment, Emilio tries to pay with a debit card, much to Charlie's amusement.
- More Teeth than the Osmond Family: Well...with Donny and Marie, of course their teeth are going to be a factor. And that's not taking into consideration that the rest of the Osmond family are alluded to being in the audience.
- Mugged for Disguise: Sid subdues Mills Lane and hogties him in the green room, while he steals Mills' referee outfit and impersonates him during the main event.
- Noodle Incident: As they are squabbling with each other, Julia tells Eric that he was refused a role in The Pelican Brief because he bit off Alan J. Pakula's ear. Eric claims it was a joke, but Julia then says that he swallowed it.
- Off With Their Heads!: While the two are arguing over the use of Donny's profanity, both he and Marie end up decapitating each other after they literally bite each other's heads off.
- Papa Wolf:
- Jerry takes offense to Jakob gaining the upper hand over Ben, and kills him.
- Enraged at the death of his son, Bob gets his revenge by killing Ben.
- The Peeping Tom: Sid drills a hole in the green room wall, giving him a peek into the private bathroom/sauna of who he thinks is Julia Roberts. Too bad it's actually Jerry Stiller's bathroom.
- Precision F-Strike: In a moment of pure adrenaline, Donny gleefully boasts that he's kicking Eric's "ass". Marie, shocked and appalled by his sudden change in behaviour, scolds him for saying "ass", before scolding him further by "tricking [her] into saying ass". The ensuing argument seals their fate.
- Shock and Awe:
- After plugging himself into an electric outlet on the side of the ring, Bob fries Ben with a beam of electricity.
- Moments later, and disturbed by the interruption caused by Johnny's brother in-law, Jerry uses his voice to launch Sid into Bob. Not only does Sid get fried as a result, but Bob also ends up getting electrocuted as a result of the collision.
- Sibling Murder: Donny and Marie end up turning on each other, and subsequently kill each other in the heat of their argument.
- Something Else Also Rises: After Emilio is torn apart by the group of sex workers, and Charlie is announced the winner, the camera switches to the announcer's booth there the desk seems to be at a suspicious incline. Made worse by the fact that Nick is suspiciously red in the face.
- Spectator Casualty: Johnny has a lot of explaining to do to his sister about the death of her husband on his show.
- Stop Hitting Yourself: Charlie does this to Emilio during the fight.
- Super-Scream: See Brown Note and Gale-Force Sound above.
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: Johnny's brother in-law, Sid. Even after he is thrown out by security, Sid manages to somehow get back inside the arena.
- Torn Apart by the Mob: Emilio, not having any cash on hand to pay the sex workers he hired to wear Charlie down, finds himself being torn apart by the women until only his feet remain.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: Jerry Stiller only wears a pair of boxing shorts during the fight.
- Whip of Dominance: One of the sex workers that Emilio hires to seduce Charlie, a dominatrix, lashes him across the back with one.
