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Literature / My Uncle Oswald

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My Uncle Oswald is a satire soft porn novel written by Roald Dahl (yes, that one) in 1979. The first part of the book took part in 1912 and the second part in The Roaring '20s. The first part of the book is about Oswald's search for an aphrodisiac, and the second part his scheme to steal and sell the sperm of the greatest men of 1920s Europe with the help of Arthur Woresley, a biology professor and Yasmin Howcomely, The Vamp.


This book features the following examples:

  • A Date with Rosie Palms: Woresley used his own sperms when testing his freezer system, with which Oswald sympathizes deeply.
  • Awesomeness by Analysis: Yasmin had a real scare while adding Albert Einstein to the collection: he immediately connected his sudden randiness to her little gift of chocolate. Luckily he didn't know enough to deduce her motive.
  • Been There, Shaped History: Oswald's crew, who (almost) scandalized every male celebrity and crowned head in Europe and collected their sperm. Though, he gives himself no credit in most cases - it's his field agent Yasmin who shakes up a number of relationships.
  • Black Comedy Rape: The Blister Beetle unleashes All Men Are Perverts and All Women Are Lustful alike, for comedic purposes. The rape element is downplayed in that the unconsenting party here is actually the rapist.
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  • The Caper: Our cheerfully criminal protagonists are out to steal the genetic material of every marketable public figure they can.
  • The Casanova: Oswald - his nephew says Casanova is a monk in comparison.
  • Darwinist Desire: Oswald collects the sperm of geniuses in order to sell it to women who want to have genius babies. Woresley, the scientist of the team, points out that it's really the sperm of the genius's father that would be a desirable item, but Oswald points out that (a) By the time a man is recognized as a genius in his own lifetime, his father is usually deceased, and (b) This is marketing, not eugenics.
  • Dirty Old Man: While still a dirty young man for the majority of the novel, his nephew the narrator assures the reader that Uncle Oswald remains dirty well into old age.
  • Femme Fatale: Yasmin is brought into the scheme solely because she fits this Trope.
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  • Food Porn: Oswald is very easily distracted from his story by descriptions of the gourmet meals he has along the way.
  • Foreshadowing: A really subtle one, of the Absence of Evidence type: for all the pride and enthusiasm Oswald takes in his scheme of selling the semen of a great deal of famous men for impregnation of the willing women, he only ever mentions in his memoirs the fourteen "children" of Proust. That's because he simply doesn't know what exactly became of all the other men's straws of semen, as Yasmin and Worseley swindled him of them by the end of the story, leaving only Proust's sperm behind.
  • Framing Device: The story is present as the diary of Oswald, left to his nephew and only seeing the light of day now because its contents were too explosive, etc.
  • Freud Was Right: Parodied in the most hilarious way.
    Freud: Ja, ja. It may interest you to know, fräulein, that the carrot and the cucumber are both very powerful sexuality symbols. They represent the masculine phallic member. And you are vishing either to chop it up or to pickle it!
  • Funetik Aksent: Used frequently for comic effect, particularly with Freud's (see example above) and Einstein's German-tinged English.
  • Groin Attack: Yasmin talks about having to hold onto George Bernard Shaw's "snozzberry" with all her might, and giving it a twist or two to keep him in line. Yes, the same snozzberry Willy Wonka has children lick.
  • Head-Turning Beauty: Yasmin Howcomely was selected as the third member of the team for exactly this reason.
    Never in my short life had I seen a girl or a woman with such a stench of salacity about her[...] She was wearing a mackintosh and a wooly scarf but she might just as well have been stark naked.
  • Historical Domain Character: The book contains a laundry list of various real-world historical figures only to put them into silly sexual situations. They're all pretty much parodies of the genuine articles.
  • Man of Wealth and Taste: Oswald Cornelius, 'the connoisseur, the bon vivant, the collector of spiders, scorpions and walking-sticks, the lover of opera, the expert on Chinese porcelain, and without much doubt the greatest fornicator of all time.'
  • Raging Stiffie: Nine minutes after the victim swallows the beetle powder. Female victims have a corresponding response.
  • The Roaring '20s: The second half of the book happens in this period.
  • "Shaggy Dog" Story: A surprising amount of the story turns out to be one... from Oswald's perspective, that is.
  • Spanner in the Works: The effort to drug and swindle Pablo Picasso fails because Yasmin doesn't get a chance to pull out the drugged chocolate, the 'autograph' paper or the condom - he ravishes Yasmin the second he sees her.
  • Sweet Polly Oliver: Yasmin has to dress up as a man to get the donation from Proust.
  • Unfortunate Item Swap: Yasmin seducing men by feeding them an aphrodisiac-filled chocolate truffle, while eating a perfectly normal truffle herself? That has to go wrong at some point, and when she gets to the King of Norway, it does.
  • Unusual Euphemism: "Snozzberry" for penis.
    His Majesty: Control yourself, madam!
  • The Vamp: Yasmin. Or rather, she's used this way by Oswald; not that she herself's not into it though.
  • Zany Scheme: The main thrust of the whole book is a scheme by the world's dirtiest old man to steal and sell the sperm of the world's most famous geniuses by inventing the world's most powerful aphrodisiac.


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