To give you some perspective on the movie, about 10 seconds of the movie, nine seconds in... is the only part that's not hilarious. Think about that for a second. The rest of the entire film is a non-stop, pedal-to-the-metal, rapid-fire, politically incorrect, gut-busting tour-de-FARCE in "Old West" send-ups.
- "Am I wrong, or is the world... rising?" "I dunno, but whatever it is, I hate it."
- Made all the better by the fact that the two actors are clearly just gradually squatting to imitate the sinking into quicksand.
- "And now, from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke... (a bundle of lit dynamite sticks is tossed through the window) ...and duck!"
- "Mongo only pawn in game of life."
- Sheriff Bart stops an elderly woman on the street to politely say good morning and her response is very... politically incorrect, at best. Mel Brooks is the only person who could make "Up yours, nigger!" funny enough to cause pants-changing. Bart is so stunned that he remains frozen in place — smile and all — until the scene cuts away, obviously thinking "Oh, that was not at all how I expected that to go."
- The campfire scene. Cowboys + baked beans = one of the first fart jokes on film. As Mel Brooks himself once said, "It truly broke ground, and it broke wind."Lyle: How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?Taggart: I'd say you've had enough! [Waving off the stink with his hat]
- Made somehow more funny by the TV edit which removed the sound effects, leaving behind what can only be described as a synchronised display of cowboys standing up and bending their butt cheeks.
- Bart and Jim trying to infiltrate Hedley's gang by luring away a pair of Ku Klux Klansmen and stealing their robes:Hedley: Qualifications?
"Klansman"!Bart: Stampedin' cattle.
Hedley: That's not much of a crime.
"Klansman"!Bart: ...through the Vatican?
Hedley: Kinky! Sign here.
(Bart goes to sign the paper, but accidentally reveals his obviously African-American hands)
"Klansman"!Jim: (panicking) Why, Rhett! What have I told you about washing up after a weekly cross burning?! (flips up to show Bart's lighter-colored palms) See, it's coming off. (Taggart whips off the hood to reveal Bart)
Bart: And now, for my next impression...Jesse Owens! (runs away)
Hedley: (as the rest of the hired goons give chase) Catch them! SEIZE THEM!!
Taggart: (shouting right next to Hedley's ear) WE'LL HEAD 'EM OFF AT THE PASS!!
Hedley: (cringing in disgust) ..."Head them off at the pass?" I HATE that cliché! (shoots Taggart in the foot)
- A cut extension of the sequence has Hedley yell "HEAD 'EM OFF AT THE PASS!!" immediately afterwards, and shows the whole chase, which ends after Bart and Jim lose the gang with a Road Sign Reversal. They end up blundering on some church picnic by a lake, and manage to blend in with the Ku Klux Klan robes.
- The whole scene with all the gangs is just fantastic:
- An applicant starting to sign in when Hedley Lamarr notices he's chewing gum:Hedley: Gum, eh? Well, I hope you brought enough for everybody!
Applicant: (Stammering) I...I didn't know there was gonna be so many! (Hedley promptly shoots him)
Jim: Boy, is he strict!
- "Have a nice day. :)◊"
- "IT'S HEDLEY!" Especially when said to the woman who's actually talking about Hedy Lamarr.Lady at Grauman's Chinese Theatre: Look, Herman, I'm in Hedy Lamar's shoes!
Hedley Lamarr: Hedley!
- Waco Kid: "You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons." Apparently, the "morons" part of the line was ad-libbed, and you can clearly see Cleavon Little struggling not to crack up right there. While he is struggling at the start, as if he's thinking "He's going to say something funny, I just know it," he breaks down into tears of all the laughter the second he hears "morons".
- Mongo punching a horse in the face.
- Salesman: Now gather 'round here folks and... [spots Mongo] HOLY SHIT!!!
- Waco Kid's advice to Bart as he goes to grab his guns:Waco Kid: No, no, don't do that. Don't do that, if you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.
- Bart's face going straight from a cocky "I've got this." grin to a major Oh, Crap! expression just makes it better.
- When he agrees to face Mongo:Van Johnson: The fool's going to... I mean the sheriff's going to do it.
- Waco Kid's advice to Bart as he goes to grab his guns:
- Reverend Johnson tries to talk down the bloodthirsty crowd after seeing Bart as their new sheriff. He holds up his bible... and someone in the crowd shoots it to pulp.Rev. Johnson: Son...you're on your own. [Exit]
- Following the above, Bart takes himself hostage to get himself out of the situation. It has to be seen to be believed.Woman: Won't someone help that poor man?!
- Bart thanks himself.Bart: Baby, you are so talented. (to camera) And they are so dumb!
- Bart thanks himself.
- "...our town is turning into shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..." Made even funnier in the censored TV version, where the word is covered up by a really horrible-sounding fart-like organ note.
- Hedley's glorious New Era Speech / Chewing the Scenery scene: "You will only be risking your lives, whilst I shall almost certainly be risking an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor!"
- "...Ass-kickers, shit-kickers, AND METHODISTS!" And during the whole increasingly Large Ham Long List, Taggart has been trying to find a paper and pencil, finally coming up with them right as Hedley finishes. "Could you repeat that, sir?"
- The Final Battle at the end that blows the fourth wall into tiny little fragments and does a tap-dance on the ruins. Particularly memorable is when the brawl spills over into the Camp Gay musical one studio over. And of course, the lunchroom of actors including an off-duty Adolf Hitler."They lose me after the bunker scene."
- And everyone gets caught in the food fight, including Tarzan!
- The actor playing Hitler is in the food fight too, but he isn't fighting; he's just standing up on a table doing a Nazi salute over and over again.
- "Never mind that shit, HERE COMES MONGO!"
- "Candy-gram for Mongo."
- Bart doing a silly walk out of the saloon and covering his ears in anticipation.
- And just to emphasize the cartoonish silliness of the scene, it ends with the orchestra playing "Merrily We Roll Along"note as a sting.
- "The bitch was inventing the Candy-gram. Probably won't even give me credit for it."
- "I must've killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille!"
- "The town saloon was always lively / But never nasty or obscene / Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson / He always kept things nice and clean" [BELCH] [SPIT]
- "You know, Nietzsche says, 'Out of chaos comes order.'" "Oh, blow it out yer ass, Howard!"
- Bart approaches Rock Ridge:"Hey! The sheriff is a nig-" [bell rings]"What'd he say?""He said the sheriff is near!""No, goldangit dangblammit! The sheriff is a NIG-" [bell rings]
- At the request for a "nigger work song", Bart and the workers respond with a lovely A Cappella version of "I Get a Kick Out of You" by Cole Porter. The look on Lyle's face is priceless."Hold it, hold it, what the hell is that shit?"
- And when Lyle then urges them to sing "Camptown Ladies," Bart feigns puzzlement, and tricks the entire white company into singing and dancing around like a bunch of... well, you know."What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' on here?! I hired you people to try and get a little track laid, not to hop around like a buncha Kansas City faggots!"
- Then there's the opening shot itself: The railroad workers are digging with their picks and shovels to level the ground in preparation for laying the track... after the track has already been laid.
- And when Lyle then urges them to sing "Camptown Ladies," Bart feigns puzzlement, and tricks the entire white company into singing and dancing around like a bunch of... well, you know.
- Hey, where da white women at?
- Right when Hedley is about to start the attack on Rock Ridge:
- "Raise your right hand. (everyone raises their left hand) RIGHT!" (Saluting Nazis promptly switch hands)
- "As chairman of the welcoming committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel, and hearty handshake to our new..... [sees Bart] nigger."
- Gabby Johnson and his authentic frontier gibberish.
- Now who can argue with that? RAVID!
- Also the gag where he incapacitates a thug by breathing in the man's face.
- The musical number scene when the fight spills over into other productions.
- "A-one and a-two and WATCH ME, FAGGOTS!" Note that director Buddy Bizarre is equally as camp as the featured dancers.
- (After showing them, he accidentally steps in the water)Buddy: Shit. Have you got it?!
Buddy: Sounds like steam escaping.
- Followed byBuddy: What in the hell do you think you're doing here?! This is a closed set!
Taggart: Piss on you, I'm working for Mel Brooks!
Buddy: (Cringes) Not in the face! (Taggart punches him in the stomach, he stumbles) Thank you. (faints)
Dancer: They've hit Buddy! (to rest of the troupe) C'mon girls! (They join in on the fight)
- "I'm parked over by the commissary."
- A YouTube commenter pointed out a spectacularly brilliant Stealth Pun:Director: What are you doing here? This is a closed-set! note
- One of the dancers breaking down while ineptly trying to beat up one of the cowboys, and the cowboy reluctantly trying to comfort him, like he's thinking "Goddamn it, now I gotta make this kid feel better..."
- The conversation between Bart and the Waco Kid:Bart: Steady as a rock.The Waco Kid: Yeah, but I shoot with this hand. (Holds up shaking left hand)
- The hangman performance. All three of them. The highlight being where he hangs a cowboy and the horse he rode in on.
- The April in Paris scene. So damn strange, it makes even LESS sense in context. And it's all the funnier for it.
- "Excuse me while I whip this out..." *GASP*... *whew*
- "They said you was hung!" "And they was right!"
- The Governor's exclamation in the board meeting:Governor Will J. Le Petomane: HOLY UNDERWEAR! Sheriff murdered?! Innocent women and children blown to bits?! We gotta protect our phoney-baloney jobs! We need to do something about this, IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!! Harumph! Harumph! Harumph! (Other staff members start harumphing as well. Singles out one member, pointing at him...) I didn't get a "harumph" outta that guy!Hedley Lamar: Give the governor a "harumph"!Board Member: HARUMPH!
- You watch your ass!
- And then there is this:
- The governor to his secretary: "Read it, read it!... You wild bitch."
- The intellectual gulf between Taggart and Hedley (especially in Hedley's own view of himself) provides a steady parade of hilarity.
- Such as:Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives!
Taggart: Gol durnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use yer tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
(Hedley glares at Taggart)
- Along with:Hedley: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Hedley: 'Ditto'? 'Ditto,' you provincial putz?
- Such as:
- This exchange:Bart: Can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man?
Howard Johnson: We don't care if it's the first act of Henry V, we're leaving!
- Followed by:
- "Where's my froggy?" (after he finds it) "That was a close one..."
- During the climax, Hedley tries to hide in a movie theater.
- Ever the cheapskate, he tries to get a student price for his movie ticket:Cashier: Are you kidding?!
Hedley: (pays the full price) ...Pain in the ass...
- And right when he enters the theater and sits down, he sees Bart ride up to the theater entrance while the main theme plays on a tuba:Hedley: (spits out his raisinets) Shit!
- Ever the cheapskate, he tries to get a student price for his movie ticket:
- The "I'm So Tired" musical number, but especially these moments:
- "Oh Goddammit, I'm exhausted!"
- Lili, to a cowboy:Lili: What's your name?
Tex: Tex, ma'am!
Lili: All right, "Tex Ma'am", are you in show business?
Lili: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off the stage! (kicks his feet down; audience hoots and hollers)
- Lili, to another cowboy: "Is that a ten gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"
- Lili humming (badly) to the harmony.
- "Le Petomane Thruway!? Now what'll that asshole think of next?"
- "Anybody got a dime? Someone's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!" The thugs then proceed to ride through the toll booth one at a time, with none of them considering that this might be a trick and just riding around it.
- For bonus points, when Bart whispers his idea to the Waco Kid, Jim dissolves into a fit of giggles.
- This scene:Bart: (Standing off against Hedley at the Chinese theater) Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun!Hedley: Wait, wait! I'm unarmed!Bart: (Tosses away his gun) All right, we'll settle it like men. With our fists..Hedley: (Pulls out a hidden gun) Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed.
- During the pie fight, Taggart is hurtled to the cash register covered in food.Cashier: (pointing at each stain) Yankee bean soup, cole slaw, and tuna surprise. (kaching!)
- The local schoolmarm is asked to read a letter she wrote to the governor. When the audience starts complaining about her quiet voice, she apologizes for it, and then continues at volume levels that would make a fire-and-brimstone preacher proud, making everyone in the room jump. And of course, the speech itself: "We, the white, God-fearing citizens of Rock Ridge wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of sheriff. Please remove him immediately. The fact that you have sent him here just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole in the state."
- Hedley and Taggart are discussing how to run everyone out of Rock Ridge:
- Taggart's first idea gets rejected:Taggart: We'll kill the first-born male child in every household!
Hedley: [considers for a moment] Too Jewish.
- So Taggart proposes another scheme:Taggart: I got it, I got it! We'll work up a Number Six on them!
Hedley: Number Six? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.
Taggart: That's where we go riding into town, and a-whapping and a-whooping every living thing that moves within an inch of its life! Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley: You spare the women?
Taggart: No, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six dance later on!
- Taggart's first idea gets rejected:
- This scene:Bart: (whispering) Say, "Hello."
Charlie: (whispering) Hello.
Bart: (whispering) Listen to me, and listen to me good. I want you to get all the brothers together... round up all the lumber, canvas, paint, and nails you can lay your hands on... and meet me tonight three miles due east of Rock Ridge at midnight. You understand? Say, "Goodbye."
Charlie: (whispering) Goodbye.
- When Lily wants to have sex with Bart again, he replies, "Baby, please, I am not from Havana."
- When Governor Le Petomane is told that Bart is Rock Ridge's new sheriff, he grabs who he thinks is Hedley and says, "Can't you see that man is a ni...", but cuts himself short when he realizes he grabbed Bart instead. Then he grabs Hedley and says the exact same thing, cutting himself off before saying the offending word and everything.
- This exchange:Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake. But we're very puzzled.
- Followed by this exchange:Bart: Okay, Jim. Since you are my guest, and I am your host: What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: Oh, I dunno... Play chess... Screw...
Bart: (nervously) Well, let's play chess.
- Hedley, after being shot and spotting Douglas Fairbanks's feet on the Hollywood Walk of Fame: "How did he do such fantastic stunts with such little feet??!" He then uses the last of his strength to leave his own mark on the Walk of Fame, down to his signature.
- When the outlaws are attacking the fake townspeople, one of the Dummied Out shots was Le Petomane walking around shaking hands with said fake townspeople, asking them to vote for him.
- Bart's reminiscing about his family's arrival into the West. After "the entire Sioux nation" attacks the colonists, they circle their wagons, but "the white folks didn't let us travel in their circle, so we made our own." Cue Bart's family's wagon rapidly riding in a circle, all by itself.
- Finding out who plays the Sioux War Chief — and how he plays the character — is too funny to describe here.
- And upon returning to the present:Bart: Impressed?
Bart: [cheerfully] Always like to keep my audience riveted!
- "Well, that's the end of this suit!"
- During a confrontation with a gang of Hedley's thugs, Jim, who is sitting on his horse with his arms crossed, shoots the guns out of the hands of all seven men like an impossibly accurate machine gun the instant the camera cuts away from him. When the camera cuts back to him afterwards he's still just sitting there with his arms crossed; only this time his guns are smoking in their holsters.
- Bart riding through the desert on his way to Rock Ridge, which is set to a great big band theme. As he continues, he goes past Count Basie and his Orchestra who are playing the music. Bart high-fives Count Basie.
- If you look closely at the panning shot of the assorted baddies applying for Lamarr's army, you'll note that the bikers don't actually have bikes. They're holding on to handlebars attached to their belts.