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Fanfic / Inaccurate Legends

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Inaccurate Legends by Midnakdak aka Midnak is a completed comedic crossover between Fate/stay night and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

In the Fifth Holy Grail War, other than Rin Tohsaka's Archer, EMIYA, each Servant is a character from the film. Shirou Emiya's Saber is still Arturia Pendragon, but she has the memories and personality of King Arthur from the film. Kirei Kotomine's Lancer is Sir Lancelot. Sakura Matou's Rider is Sir Bedivere. Illyasviel von Einzbern's Berserker is the Rabbit of Caerbannog. Souichirou Kuzuki's Caster is the Witch. Caster's Assassin is Sir Not Appearing In This Film. Kirei Kotomine's Archer 2 is the Taunting French Knight.


Throughout the fic, Shirou, Rin, and Archer struggle to make sense of everything as the other Servants are seemingly insane.

The cast of Fate/Grand Order reacts to this fic in Chapter 6 of Fate Cinema Order.

This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Attractiveness: The Taunting French Knight is depicted as a very handsome young man with long, flowing hair.
  • Adaptational Badass:
    • The Witch has very powerful magic, unlike the film where she didn't try to fight back when she was sentenced to burn at the stake.
    • The Taunting French Knight is basically an Expy of Gilgamesh, including a Noble Phantasm similar to Gate of Babylon.
  • Abnormal Ammo: Like in the film, the Taunting French Knight has catapults that launch all kinds of items like pots, pans, buckets, and live animals. He can basically summon any item used in a medieval siege and any item from the film.
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  • Anti-Climax: Just as the exhausted heroes defeat the Taunting French Knight, Sir Not Appearing In This Film, and the Witch, Kotomine reveals he has merged with the corrupted Grail and is preparing to unleash its curse on humanity. As they prepare for a seemingly hopeless fight, Kotomine gets arrested.
  • Attack Animal:
    • Illya has control over the dreaded Rabbit of Caerbannog.
    • The Witch turns Shirou's wooden sword into a snake and has it attack him. Subverted when Shirou manages to befriend the snake.
  • Badass Creed: Sir Lancelot chants this right before he rescues Illya from the Taunting French Knight:
    Always, I seek the quest.
    Forever pursuing that distant dream.
    Selfishly, I seek to save.
    Yet never have I saved one.
    My hands are stained with blood.
    Yet I continue.
    Dramatic Maiden Rescue!
  • Barrier Warrior: The Taunting French Knight can summon the walls of his castle to protect himself.
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  • Because You Were Nice to Me: The snake sides with Shirou because even when he turned her into his weapon, he treated her like a partner and friend.
  • Big "NO!": Rin screams this in the ending when she runs into Sir Robin and his minstrels and realizes she has not escaped the insanity.
  • Bottomless Magazines: The Taunting French Knight's catapults never run out of ammunition and they can rapid fire.
  • Brain Bleach: Rin and Archer see Sir Bedivere giving Shirou a piggyback ride, or as Rin puts it, Shirou dry humping a knight. Rin uses a Command Spell to tell Archer, "If I ever become like that, kill me."
  • Brainwashed and Crazy: The Witch manages to take control of Saber and force her to attack Shirou.
  • Brown Note: Sir Bedivere learned how to weaponize the word "Ni!" to drain the life out of people like the Knights Who Say "Ni!".
  • Building Swing: When the Taunting French Knight is about to kill Illya, Sir Lancelot swings by and snatches her away.
  • Calling Your Attacks: The Witch tends to say, "Zap!" when turning people into newts.
  • Cassandra Truth: Saber tries to warn Shirou, Rin, and Archer about the Rabbit of Caerbannog, but they don't believe her until it bites Archer's head off.
  • Charm Person: As the French are supposed to be masters of love, the Taunting French Knight easily causes Illya to fall in love with him even though she was traumatized by him killing the Rabbit of Caerbannog.
  • Combat Pragmatist:
    • The Witch often just turns people into newts while they are talking.
    • Sir Not Appearing In This Film is fond of stabbing people in the back and attacking while invisible.
  • Deus Exit Machina: Sir Lancelot sits out the final battle because he decides to look after the lovestruck Illya and stop her from trying to follow the Taunting French Knight.
  • The Dulcinea Effect: Sir Lancelot's most defining trait is his obsession with rescuing girls he meets and thinks are in danger. When they first meet, he assumes Archer and then Shirou have kidnapped Rin and attacks them. Later, even though Kirei used a Command Spell to order him not to interfere when the Taunting French Knight goes to kill Illya, he does it anyway.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: Shirou, Rin, Saber, Archer, the snake, Sir Bedivere, and presumably Sir Lancelot and Illya all survive. Archer decides after all the insanity to make peace with Shirou. Since Rin abandoned the group, Archer makes a new contract with Sakura and lives with her and Bedivere. Shirou is living with Saber and the snake, who is now permanently in human form, then they decide to have a party.
  • Enfant Terrible: Sir Not Appearing In This Film is a baby, but he is pure evil.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: Sir Not Appearing In This Film has a deep, booming voice at odds with his appearance.
  • Forced Transformation: The Witch is fond of turning people into newts.
  • Forgot About His Powers:
    • In the final battle, Sir Bedivere doesn't weaponize the word "Ni!" like he had been doing earlier.
    • Archer and Kotomine don't try to fight back when they get arrested.
  • Frame-Up:
    • Sir Not Appearing In This Film reveals he was the one who got Saber and her knights arrested at the end of the film by framing them for the murder of the historian.
    • Sir Not Appearing In This Film then frames Archer for ten counts of murder, leading to him getting arrested.
  • The Ghost: Sakura, Shinji, and Zouken Matou don't appear in person, but are talked about by the others.
  • God Guise: The Witch creates an image of God and imitates his voice to try to trick Shirou and Saber into serving her. Shirou is not impressed and points out he follows Shinto, not Christianity. Saber then sees a flaw in the impersonation.
  • Green Thumb: The Witch has control over plants, often using them to grab people. She first turns Ryuudou Temple and then Fuyuki City into her personal shrubbery.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: When the Witch attacks Shirou with a snake, he eventually manages to grab the snake and use Reinforcement to force her to become stiff, then uses her as a bludgeon.
  • Home Field Advantage: The Witch becomes more powerful in nature. She manages to turn first Ryuudou Temple and then Fuyuki City into her territory by overrunning it with plant life, making her almost invincible.
  • Humanity Ensues: The Witch accidentally turns the snake into a woman. She is freaked out at first, but once she figures out how to move in her body, she continues helping Shirou.
  • Imposter Forgot One Detail: The Witch tries to trick Shirou and Saber into serving her by impersonating God, but when she orders them to kneel and grovel, Saber remembers that God doesn't like people worshiping him like that.
  • I Shall Taunt You:
    • Sir Not Appearing In This Film mocks Saber for never realizing he was a traitor and then reveals he was the one who framed her and her knights. Just as he expected, Saber becomes so angry that she attacks him like a berserker, allowing him to easily predict her attacks and injure her several times.
    • The Taunting French Knight lives up to his name, mocking everybody, but Archer doesn't fall for it and just fights his own way.
    • When Sir Not Appearing In This Film attempts the same tactic he pulled on Saber on Sir Bedivere, Bedivere ignores him, causing the villain to be the one to go berserk and be predictable.
  • Karmic Death: Sir Not Appearing In This Fanfic severely wounds Sir Bedivere, breaks his armor and weapons, and gloats, only for Bedivere to kill him with a prison shiv. Bedivere points out that if the villain hadn't gotten him sent to prison, he would not have gotten that shiv.
  • Killed Mid-Sentence:
    • Sir Bedivere has his mount Coco run Archer over as he attempts to use Caladbolg.
    • The Taunting French Knight yells, "You yellow belli-" before Archer blows him and his castle up with 7 Broken Phantasms.
    • The Witch says, "No, no it's n-" before Archer shoots her in the heart with Caladbolg.
  • Let's You and Him Fight: Lancelot attacks Shirou because Archer convinced him that Shirou had kidnapped Rin. When Saber is summoned, she convinces him to stand down.
  • Logical Weakness: The Witch has to point at people to turn them into newts, so it can be sidestepped or blocked with a foreign object.
  • Loophole Abuse: Sir Lancelot stops the Taunting French Knight from killing Illya and ripping out her heart. The Frenchman simply causes Illya to fall in love with him. This causes her to metaphorically give her heart to him, which apparently counts as him being given the Holy Grail's vessel.
  • Meaningful Rename: In the final battle, Sir Not Appearing In This Film changes his name to Sir Not Appearing In This Fanfic. Doing this causes him to turn invisible, allowing him to do serious damage to Sir Bedivere.
  • Ms. Fanservice: When the snake is turned into a woman, she is only wearing a bikini made of scales. Shirou gets a little distracted and describes her as very beautiful.
  • Mutual Kill: Archer kills the Taunting French Knight by blowing him up with 7 Broken Phantasms at the same time he gets squashed by a catapult launching the Trojan Rabbit. But while Archer eventually resurrects, the Frenchman stays dead.
  • Mythology Gag:
    • Sir Bedivere says "Ni!" on the school intercom over and over again to drain everyone's mana. This is reminiscent of Medusa/Rider using Blood Fort Andromeda on the school.
    • Caster kidnaps Saber and takes control of her.
    • The Rabbit of Caerbannog fighting a desperate battle to defend Illya from the Taunting French Knight is reminiscent of Berserker vs Gilgamesh.
    • Sir Bedivere's mount is a giant African swallow, and some of his dialogue references the African or European swallow statement from the film.
    • Archer chops down a tree the Witch summoned with a sword called Grand Herring Blade Works, which references the Knights Who Say "Ni!" challenging Arthur to chop down a tree with a herring.
    • The corrupted Grail resembles the fake Grail Beacon of Castle Anthrax.
    • The final battle is interrupted by someone getting arrested.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Sir Bedivere apparently killed Shinji and Zouken offscreen, as he mentions that Sakura is free of them forever.
  • Oh, Crap!: Saber is completely terrified when Illya brings out the Rabbit of Caerbannog, remembering how it decimated her men.
  • Only Sane Man: Rin, Shirou, and Archer struggle to make sense of the insanity, though Shirou eventually goes slightly mad.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: Saber apparently pretended to be a man by using a lock of hair as a mustache.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse:
    • As usual, the Rabbit of Caerbannog is a vicious killer.
    • Sir Not Appearing In This Film is a baby, but can handle a sword on par with Saber and Sir Bedivere.
  • Pretender Diss: Like Gilgamesh, the Taunting French Knight calls Archer a faker for using copied weapons.
  • Revenge: The Witch's main goal is to get revenge on Saber and Sir Bedivere for getting her burned at the stake.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here:
    • After the entire events of insanity, Rin finally snaps when she witnesses Kuzuki spanking twenty nuns and Kotomine. She escapes the church and escapes Fuyuki all together, taking the first plane to London.
    • In the final scene, it is revealed that the cowardly Sir Robin is True Assassin and he fled Fuyuki almost as soon as he was summoned.
  • Secret-Keeper: Sir Bedivere was the only Knight of the Round Table who knew that Saber was a girl because they were cell mates in prison.
  • Spider-Sense: Sir Bedivere's final Noble Phantasm is Don't Drop The Soap, which he gained during his stay in prison fighting off and learning how to anticipate rapists and other dangers. This allows him to detect the invisible Sir Not Appearing In This Fanfic and kill him with a prison shiv.
  • Taking the Bullet:
    • Shirou shoves Saber out of the way and gets horribly injured by the Rabbit of Caerbannog.
    • Saber later jumps in the way when the Witch tries to turn Shirou into a newt, getting turned into one herself.
    • The Taunting French Knight kills the Rabbit of Caerbannog by hurling the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at Illya, forcing the Rabbit to jump in the way.
  • They Killed Kenny Again: Archer gets killed six times, only to come back to life the next chapter. First, he gets cut in half by Saber. Second, he gets his head bitten off by the Rabbit of Caerbannog. Third, he gets run over by Coco. Fourth, after getting turned into a newt by the Witch, he gets cooked by Shirou to make medicine for Saber's injuries. Fifth, he gets arrested and executed in the gas chamber. Finally, he sacrifices himself to defeat the Taunting French Knight.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Whenever Archer dies, he inexplicably reappears the next chapter. When Shirou questions him, he says, "I got better."
  • Visible to Believers:
    • Sir Bedivere's mount is called Coco. To everyone who doesn't believe in him, he just looks like a peasant clapping two coconut shells together and they can't even see his effects on the environment (it just looks like Bedivere and the peasant skipping along and when he gives Shirou a lift, it just looks like Bedivere giving Shirou a piggyback ride). Coco is evidently real, as it runs Archer over at one point and is able to carry Bedivere and Shirou into the sky. Saber and eventually, Shirou, are able to see it. It turns out to be a horse-sized African swallow.
    • This is also likely the reason why Rin cannot hear the snake's voice.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Sir Lancelot and Illya are unaccounted for in the ending.
  • You Fool!: Sir Not Appearing In This Film calls Saber a King of Fools while mocking her and revealing he was the one who framed her.