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Fan Fic / Harry Potter Becomes A Communist

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Harry Potter Becomes A Communist by HardcoreCommie is a Harry Potter Crack Fic which is generally regarded as So Bad, It's Good. It ran for 191 chapters, posted on Fan Fiction Dot Net from 2013 to 2017. The final chapter was posted on November 7, 2017 — the centennial of Red October, naturally.

The story opens with Harry meeting up with Ron and Hermione on the Hogwarts Express, and explaining how he converted to communism over the summer. Upon arriving at Hogwarts, they discover that Dumbledore, a libertarian, has sold out to the bourgeoisie and hired an evil capitalist named Professor Pepsi for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post. As a petit-bourgeois liberal, Hermione thinks this is just fine, but Harry begins organizing his classmates for revolution. Most of the rest of the plot can be summed up as Harry and his allies fighting against various "bourgeois" enemies while vaguely working towards their apparent eventual goal of freeing Hogwarts from Dumbledore and Pepsi's regime.

Read it here.


This story provides examples of:

  • Adam and Eve Plot: Hermione suggests that she and Harry repopulate Hogwarts after the school and almost everyone in it is deatroyed by Obscurials.
  • Anatomically Impossible Sex: Of course. Most notably, at one point the author says "clit" when he clearly means "vagina". In the next author's note, he excuses himself by saying, "it doesnt matter if i make mistaks about female anatomy becuz I support abortion anyway."
  • Anti-Advice: Uncle Vernon's opposition to communism was Harry's inspiration for reading The Communist Manifesto in the first place.
  • Author Tract: The entire fic could be considered one about the merits of communism and the faults of various other political ideologies. If it’s a trollfic, then the opposite may be true.
  • Axe-Crazy: Harry and his allies kill many of their fellow students and eventually destroy Hogwarts itself and everyone in it.
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  • Back from the Dead: Sirius Black.
    Sirius!” I said in a radical working man’s voice. “I thought you were killed by drapery!”
    “I came back BECAUSE I FUCKING FELT LIKE IT!” Sirius explained. “Any questions?”
  • Beauty = Goodness: Harry's female supporters are all sexy while his female opponents are all ugly. His narration repeatedly insists that it just happened to work out this way.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: When Harry ends up naked:
    I wasn't aroused either, although you might have thought I was based on my penis. However, I didn't have an erection at all and was just that big normally.
  • Chick Magnet: Most of the girls in Hogwarts are attracted to Harry, and he himself has sex with several women over the course of the story.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Harry's dialogue especially, but ultimately the whole story.
  • Cult of Personality: Even as the Warsaw Pact grows more and more admiring of Harry, he denies forming one.
  • Crossover: Features brief crossovers with Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, My Immortal, and The Draco Trilogy, consisting of appearances by rationalist!Quirrell, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and Rhysenn Malfoy respectively.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: A disturbingly sizable number. Examples include Professor Mc Gonagall being incinerated in midair and Voldemort ending up sodomized to death by Harry's broomstick.
  • Dramatic Reading: Several: here is one, and this one is even plugged by the author.
  • Everybody's Dead, Dave: Everyone (except for Harry and Hermione) dies in the final chapter. Hermione doesn’t live much longer after that.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Happens to many characters, including Hermione Granger, Romilda Vane, Draco Malfoy, Alastor Moody, Dean Thomas, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Ron Weasley.
  • Going Commando: Many members of the Warsaw Pact, especially (but not exclusively) the girls.
  • Heel–Face Turn: Draco Malfoy, Romilda Vane, and Bellatrix Lestrange. All of them were only pretending and quickly pull Heel Face Turns.
  • Hypocrite: Professor Pepsi apparently is one for being the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher despite following capitalism, the “darkest art of all.”
  • I Do Not Own: "I dont own HP. JKR does butt it should be owed by the stat cuz privacy property is evil lol. Workers of the world urinite! If you flam you have false consciousness."
  • Killed Offscreen: Angelina Johnson, Lee Jordan, and Parvati Patil.
  • Malicious Slander: According to the author, Josef Stalin himself is a victim of this.
    I must disagree with u about Stalin. He never killed any1. Have you read “Khrushchev Lied” by Grover Furr?
  • Not Distracted by the Sexy: Almost constantly on the part of Harry.
    Several arousing females with sensual bodies of feminine shapes were staring at my manly chest of comradely hair, but I didn’t pay any attention to that because the revolution was more important.
  • N-Word Privileges: The author claims to have these with regards to Barack Obama. ("Et waz not racist when I called Obama a nigger. Barock Obongo betrayed the black proletariate to work for the FUCKING WHITE CAPITALISTS. Even tho im not black, I can see he truly is a real uncle tom nigger.")
  • Obligatory Swearing: When even characters like Hermione and Professor McGonagall are dropping the occasional F-bomb, you know this trope is in effect.
  • Poe's Law: Even with 191 chapters, it's notoriously difficult to determine whether the author is pro-communist or anti-communist in Real Life.
  • Revenge: Harry vows not to wear a shirt until he has avenged Tonks’ death.
  • Rule-Abiding Rebel: According to the story, anyone on the left who doesn't support Marxist-Leninist ideology.
  • Sir Swearsalot: In the first few chapters Harry is the only one who swears in pretty much every sentence. After a certain point basically every character starts dropping the F-Bomb at least once per line.
  • Take That!: Chapters 61-68 are one massive tirade against Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality
  • Troll Fic: As usual, we're not entirely sure, but those familiar with far-left politics tend to think so, citing such things as the author's reference to Grover Furr as evidence of trolling.
  • We ARE Struggling Together: Harry's two main enemies on the left are Romilda Vane (an anarchist) and Dean Thomas (a Trotskyite). Both are portrayed as tools of the bourgeoisie.

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