"I'm not a fighter. I'm not an adventurer or a thief or a treasure hunter. I am a librarian! Hidden amongst the stacks of the greatest library in the world, there are many secrets to be found..."
Derek the Bard is the keeper of the greatest library in the world. Here, he shares his findings from the bottom of the stacks, reviewing strange, odd, and awful novels.Can be found here on Reviewtopia, and on Geekvision.
In Cloak & Dagger, the same actor plays both David's hallucinatory mentor Jack Flack and David's father. This never has any attention drawn to it in the movie.
Apparently being bitten by nuclear snakes means the venom from the snakes bonds to one's T-cells and alters their genetics so they turn into snakes with whole brains and scales and everything. Oh, Curse II.
Author Filibuster: Monsters. The plot is blah blah blah US foreign policy blah blah immigration blah blah blah. Oh, and somewhere in the background, there are Cthulhu elephants wrecking Mexico, but that's not important.
Awesome McCoolname: DEATH HAWKINS, one of the Spider's undercover aliases.
And a couple of different Lantern oaths—the classic Green Lantern oath in episode 19, the Red Lantern oath in episode 20
Badass in a Nice Suit: The Shadow, the Spider. And Shewan Khan, who shows up later wearing the exact same suit.
Bad Santa: Sinterklaas in Sint... who is not a kindly bishop with punisher-elves following him around, but a violent zombie pirate who beheads people with his crozier. And has zombie pirate punisher-elves following him around.
Battle Couple: The Spider and his wife (later nicknamed the Black Widow).
Beardof Evil: This is what happens to the werewolf characters in Wolf—they grow really furry mutton-chops and beards, rather than turning into real wolves.
Because Destiny Says So: The recurring theme of SF Shinseiki Lensman, much to the Bard's annoyance.
Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: Nikola Tesla and Carl Sagan are among the science-heroes appearing in Atomic Robo to battle evil.
Berserk Button: Damaged library books; stupid weaknesses; people trying to steal from, infiltrate, or otherwise harm the Library; Adaptation Decay; ridiculous gadgets in spy movies; deus ex machina abuse; lazy writing; random katanas
"HEY DEREK GUESS WHAT" Just...try saying it to him. Go ahead. I'll be over here, laughing.
Don't trash information science! It's just as SCIENCEY as any other science!
Early on, he had a two-part vlog of the anti-G20 protests that came to Toronto. Part 2 begins with a 8 1/2 minute long rant against the Black Bloc protesters who caused chaos and broke store windows.
Mars is largely populated by them, and the inhabitants use them for everything from gladitorial games to transport to yogurt dispensers.
Big Damn Heroes: Carl Sagan (of all people!) in Atomic Robo and the Shadow From Beyond Time.
Bilingual Bonus: In the Toxic Avenger review, Film Renegado appears and rants in Spanish. It's subtitled "I love the Monster Hero!" What he's really saying is... not so much.
Boring Invincible Hero: G-8... who kicks all kind of ass throughout The Skies of Yellow Death and doesn't seem to even take much notice of the fact that he has life-threatening pneumonia.
Bug War: The trope namer itself—Starship Troopers.
By-the-Book Cop: The random 80s cop wandering around through Witchboard. The Bard calls him a reject from Last Action Hero.
By the book, but his detective work could use some, well, work.
Cacophony Cover Up: The Omega comes running down the hall, screaming about trolls, giving Diamanda Hagan the opportunity to thump the Bard with Mjolnir and drag him away for genetic harvesting.
Call Back: The Bard theorizes that Nikola Tesla hates Thomas Edison because Edison invented the Death Machine (as seen in a prior episode of the show).
The Call Knows Where You Live: After the Lensman anime review, the Bard teleports to Bermuda... only to be found two episodes later and given another terrible book to review.
Cartoonish Supervillainy: Matt Frewer's mad scientist in Generation X is beyond cartoonish—the Bard ranks him lower than Dr Drakken and Dr Doofenshmirtz.
Helmuth in the Lensman anime is referred to as a Power Rangers villain. Which isn't much better.
The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes' villain is at about this level.
"Until the next time you get lost down here, this is Derek the Bard. Be seeing you."
Innis: "Until the next time I have to fill in for the librarian, my name is Herr Doktor Innis du par Nachtetaffen, and one day, you will march to the beat of MY drums!"
The Red Chef: "I'm the Red Chef, and if you can kill it, I can cook it!"
In Toxic Crusaders: Referring to Toxie and pals as "...a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength!"
"THE IN-BETWEEN PLACE! THE PLACE THAT IS IN-BETWEEN!"
Warlock has the most utterly redundant foreign title ever. In the Philippines, it's called "Warlock: The Magic Wizard." Do you get it yet? He's a magic bad guy!
Distress Ball: Tossed between Clarissa and Buskirk in the SF Shinseiki Lensman anime.
Dissimile: In describing the concept of the Clerks cartoon, he starts off talking about a movie, then feeding the movie meth, because the movie is a person now for some reason, and...
Doomed Hometown: Buenos Aires in the Starship Troopers movie.
Doomsday Device: The steampunk robot dragon and dinosaurs from The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
Dumb Blonde: Yvonne, from The Toxic Crusaders. The dumbest of blondes.
Edutainment: The Bard helpfully describes how antivenom works during Curse II, as well as some facts about real snakes.
In fact, a good deal of the Bard's show could be described as "edutainment," as he does seem to enjoy dispensing interesting facts about a wide variety of subjects.
Et Tu, Brute?: The Omega serves as a distraction for Diamanda Hagan to kidnap the Bard and harvest his DNA for a new race of minion.
Fantastically Indifferent: The title character in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Dinosaur attack? Sure, whatever. Dead brother mysteriously come back to life as a mad scientist villain? Huh, fancy that. Robot woman who turns into a bomb intend on blowing up the palace? Huh.
Field Promotion: Johnny Rico in Starship troopers—from a private to a lieutenant in one battle!
Frickin' Laser Beams: One of the characters on Inhumanoids] has power armor with claw weapons... that shoot lasers sometimes.
Flat Earth Atheist: Originally, everyone but Kylie and Egon in Extreme Ghostbusters. Which is especially weird, because it shares a continuity with the movies AND the Real Ghostbusters cartoon...
For Science!!!: Everything in Atomic Robo, because science is awesome.
Frameup: Stuart framed Jack Nicholson's character for murder in Wolf.
Funwith Subtitles: The subtitles and dubbing of Sint are hilariously inconsistent with each other, sometimes even from line to line between both editions, which is why the Bard had both English dubbing and subtitles on for this movie.
Fur Against Fang: A fairly common feature of some of the novels he reviews. He also comments that this is becoming something of a genre on its own.
Gag Dub: Since Tim Curry's dialogue in The Shadow is so clunky, the Bard replaces it with dialogue/songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Generic Guy: G-8, who has little personality and little backstory and a very small supporting cast, is a somewhat less emotionally-investing character than the other pulp heroes of the time.
Apparently the rest of G-8's world is populated by such generic men that anyone on the planet can be mistaken for him easily!
Glass Cannon: Sinterklaas' zombie minions in Sint can silently sneak up and cut veteran SWAT officers in half, but you can apparently bring them down by tapping them with a stick. They're very breakable.
Good Is Dumb: The Toxic Crusaders — all played for laughs.
Good Parents: Dave's dad in Cloak & Dagger — the most sympathetic character in the entire movie.
Good Powers, Bad People: The Darkling Lords in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light have much cooler powers and totem animals than the good guys.
Government Conspiracy: The Norwegian government is trying to cover up the existence of two-hundred-foot-tall trolls.
Green Aesop: The Toxic Crusaders cartoon, though it presented them in a funny and endearing way, rather than an over-the-top preachy and obnoxious way.
Green Lantern Ring: The Bard himself wears and uses one. In the heavily-Adaptation-Decayed Lensman anime, the Lens seems to be the same as a Lantern ring.
Hey, It's That Voice!: Almost. No one is credited for the role, but you could almost swear that Billy West is voicing the main college kid in Trollhunter's English dub — it sounds uncannily like him.
Billy West himself DOES show up to voice Slimer in Extreme Ghostbusters, however.
Hippie Jesus: Jesus (referred to as Joshua) is a very kind-hearted, sensitive, peace-loving guy in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff.
Hollywood Science: Generation X runs on science so soft it could be used as a pillow.
H. P. Lovecraft: An important player in Atomic Robo and the Shadow from Beyond Time. He is portrayed as being insane.
I Love Nuclear Power: The only reason given for the mutant snakes biting people and turning them into mutant snakes is... because some people in Arizona were setting nuclear weapons off underground. Yeah.
Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy/A-Team Firing: In The Shadow, upon hearing someone coming across a bridge, the bad guys fire wildly into the air, at everything, including lamps and the street. They aren't even trying to shoot the Shadow. They just hear someone coming and start shooting lamps.
Instant Expert: The anime version of Kim Kinnison suddenly and randomly goes from "regular guy" to "ninja" in the space of about two scenes.
Interspecies Romance: Inhumanoids' Primal Passion episode features this three times: Metlar/Statue of Liberty (no, really), D'Compose/a transformed Sandra, and Tendryll attempting to get his mack on with a Tendryll robot piloted by a human woman.
Katanas Are Just Better: One of the Bard's pet peeves. Dante Valentine in Working for the Devil and Johnny in Edison Death Machine randomly had them for no reason.
Kill It with Fire: The only thing zombie Santa fears is fire, so Gurt attacks him with a flamethrower.
Kindhearted Cat Lover: Derek's cat (Kitteh, short for Kit-Kat) occasionally cameos on his show for one reason or another.
Knife Nut: The Bard has a gigantic dagger as a letter-opener and shows it off in the Let's Read.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Subverted in Lamb. Balthasar attempts to teach Jesus kung-fu, but Jesus refuses to hit anybody and instead creates Jew-do, a martial art based entirely on dodging and apologizing profusely.
La Résistance: Operator 5's agency fights against invading Nazis. IN AMERICA.
Large Ham: God bless Matt Frewer's insatiable appetite for the scenery!
Laughing Mad: The Bard's Sanity Juice is great! *insane giggle*
Let's Read: His title card artist sent him a mystery book in a package and asked him to review it, in one single continuous take, on camera.
Living Statue: Metlar's true love, The Statue of Liberty. Yeah.
Living Weapon: Living and often possessing more common sense than its wielder—Toxie's mop, in The Toxic Crusaders.
Mad Scientist: Matt Frewer's character in Generation X. Who apparently attended the same school as Dr Insano.
Also, the villains in Soulless. They're mad scientists experimenting with vampires and the supernatural!
"They raise vampires using the power of SCIENCE!!" (Picture of Doctor Insano)
"Thorpe" Holmes in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Possibly a predecessor of the Insano School of Science.
The Earth's Core Needs Women: Inhumanoids. In Primal Passions, they each get hit with a love potion and fall in love with a surface woman (and, in one case, a robot).
Medal of Dishonor: His praise for the giant war-fireballs being the best actors in Troy.
Messageina Bottle: Randal sends one out to Dante in the Clerks cartoon. Dante never gets it, but coincidentally manages to rescue Randal anyway.
Most Definitely Not a Villain: The Central Empire in Operator #5 has a flag with a decapitated head and two crossed bloody swords. And people are surprised they're an evil empire!
In the Lensman anime, Kim rides a "space-motorcycle-jetski-plane-thing."
Also from the Lensman anime: Worsel the lasergun-toting telepathic space pterodactyl Lensman!
Edison Death Machine: Zombie Elvis—er, Buddy Gilbert, Zombie Samurai, Zombie Confederate Soldiers, and a real Zombie Pirate!
Sint's main villain: Zombie pirate Santa Claus (well, the Dutch St Nicholas if you want to get technical) and his zombie pirate blackface minions! What the hell.
Plucky Comic Relief: Klinger from M*A*S*H* serves this role in Curse II. The Bard's Epileptic Tree is that this is really what Klinger did after leaving Korea—became a traveling snake-oil salesman.
Poltergeist: "David," the evil spirit in Witchboard.
Prop Recycling: In Princess of Mars, Tracy Lords wears an honest-to-god Slave Leia outfit for the entirety of the movie, and the Bard is almost certain that her ship was Jabba's barge.
Psychic Assisted Suicide: A security guard in The Shadow is compelled to do it by the villain, Shewan Khan.
Race Lift: Filipino Juan "Johnny" Rico, as well as the entire population of Buenos Aires, is looking pretty damn white in the Starship Troopers movie.
Reality Ensues: The children in Cloak & Dagger actually act like scared, tired children in a troubling situation would, and David is actually traumatized by the events of the movie.
Rummage Sale Reject: The Extreme Ghostbusters' costumes. Especially Kylie, who appears to be dressed like a crossing guard with a trashcan lid on her back.
In Wolf: Making up random superpowers for Jack Nicholson's character. "SHADOW-FIGHTING OF THE MONGOOSE!" "CANNIBALISM OF THE MAN!" "SKEEVINESS OF THE PERVERT!" "VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS!"
I'm not sure this joke is funny anymore.
Sarcasm Mode: Bard's pretend-crying at Gary Kinnison's death in SF Shinseiki Lensman.
Savingthe Orphanage: Part of the Joes' mission in Once Upon a Joe is fixing up an orphanage after it's been burned to the ground by Cobra. Because Cobra is just that evil.
Scaled Up: The creatures bitten by the snakes in Curse II, whose hand turns into a snake... along with the rest of him later.
Especially in regards to vampire mythology, as detailed in the Anita Blake video.
Explains the history of The Iliad in episode 20, as well as recommending other, more obscure classical Greek stories to Lupa) and reciting a passage from it.
Runs down the history of James Bond in episode 21.
And during Pulp Month, with regards to the medium itself and the history of the period.
Gives a rundown of the history of Troma Studios in the Toxic Avenger review.
Calls bullshit on the history of the ouija board as presented in Witchboard and gives a short lesson on its real history.
Valiantly tries to explain the physics of extradimensional science, Lovecraftian eldritch abominations, and time travel in Atomic Robo.
He seems to know an awful lot about exorcisms, witch history, and witch-hunting; he even has the Malleus Maleficarum, the Goetia, and other such books on his shelves. You know. Just in case.
Explains the history and myths relating to Sinterklaas and other Dutch Christmas traditions in order to explain what's going on in the movie Sint.
Side Effects Include...: The Bard's Sanity Juice (the crystal skull vodka) has side effects which include crippling muscle spasms, hair loss, flatulence, upset stomach, diarrhea, and impotence. Aside from that, it works great and he's 100% crazy-free! *insane giggle*
Sitcom Archnemesis: The Bard mentions Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla as having this kind of relationship in Atomic Robo.
Robo and Stephen Hawking also have this kind of relationship.
Spam Attack/Beam Spam: The Ghostbusters in "Ain't NASA-carily So" fail to use their proton packs to capture the shogg—er, ghost. So they just spam MORE proton beams at it and that works better. Somehow.
Spikesof Villainy: Everything Rita Repulsa is described as wearing in The Bumble Beast is "pointy" in some way, from her hat to the sleeves of her dress.
Spider-Sense: Toxie has one, both in the Toxic Avenger film and the Toxic Crusaders cartoon. In the latter, this is explained by something called "Tromatons."
Spooky Seance: Or maybe not so spooky, considering the hippie valley-girl medium with the giant crazy 80s hair in Witchboard.
Spot of Tea: During the Soulless review. He's been terribly wrought over this whole affair!
Super Senses: The spirit of the wolf grants all kinds of enhanced senses in Wolf, including telescopic vision, vastly-enhanced sense of smell, and super-hearing. The Bard lumps them all under Bravestarr's various animal superpowers.
Technobabble: There's a lot in Galactic Patrol, and the Bard gamely tries to explain it to everyone.
There's a scene in Trollhunter where a troll doctor tries to explain why trolls turn into stone when hit with sunlight. It's an incoherent explanation involving vitamin D in their veins.
Technopathy: Apparently the power of some of the more minor characters in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light. They don't have magic spells like the main cast, but they can power ancient Lost Technology.
Toilet Humour: In Trollhunter, of all things. You first see a troll scratching its ass, and later, there's a ten-second clip of a troll farting in a cave. Trollhunter is all class.
Unusual Euphemism: Cthulhu's "Jesus fucking Space Christ!" and Innis' "Sweet slippery Sinestro!"
From Witchboard: "If only he had remembered to keep his ouija in his pants!"
Unusually Uninteresting Story: "Robert" Holmes seems to take the sailor's story about a robot kraken attack on a treasury ship remarkably easily and does not question it even once.
Everything in Toxic Crusaders is an Unusually Uninteresting Sight. No one really seems to notice or care that Dr Killemoff is eight feet tall, has four arms, a gas mask, and a giant machine strapped to his back... and no one really remarks on the other Hideously Deformed Creatures of Superhuman Size And Strength, either!
Even Toxie himself does this. "Oh, apparently, my mop is alive."
While Sinterklaas is chasing Frank during Sint, his horse is shot and crashes through the roof of somebody's condo. The two occupants within stand at a bar drinking nonchalantly, look at the crashed zombie pirate Sinterklaas and dead horse, and merely comment "I thought we weren't celebrating St Nicholas this year?" This is utterly unexplained.
Wunza Plot: The Bard describes Deja Thoris' and John Carter's romance as thus: "Suddenly he wants to fuck her brains out. Of course, that also might be because she's a porn star, and he's an underwear model..."
Yellow Peril: G-8 and his Battle Aces fly the Skies of Yellow Death, and by that we mean they fight evil racist stereotypes of Chinese people.
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