George Carlin (1937-2008) was an American comedian who made a permanent name for himself in the annals of comedy, mostly for making funny all the things that usually make us go Dude, Not Funny!After a failed stint in the U.S. Air Force and a brief time in radio and news he mostly became a lifelong comedian, initially partnering up with writer/comedian Jack Burns. However, after the two broke up in the late 1960s, Carlin entered the 1970s as a new comedian. A DIRTY COMEDIAN. That said, he also played "Mr. Conductor" on Shining Time Station (a children's show), as well as a stint as the Narrator, so he wasn't completely Child Unfriendly. He is also well known for playing Rufus in the Bill & Ted movies and Cardinal Glick in Dogma (which Kevin Smith put him in and which he agreed to appear in mostly so that they could make fun of "the kind of asshole who'd bless his golf clubs for a better game"). Over the course of his life he acted in some fourteen odd films in total, in addition to numerous television appearances spanning everything from The Simpsons to Welcome Back Kotter and several commercials. He also hosted Saturday Night Live's premiere episode on October 11th, 1975 note and came back nine years later in 1984 on November 10th — the inversion of October 11th — to host again.His comedy was focused on accentuating the negative, and poked much fun at the Logical Fallacies aspects of American culture, especially regarding politics and religion. He also made jokes about subjects usually considered unfunny, such as torture, rape, genocide, etc. This was actually done on purpose, as he later Lampshaded, to prove that we humans weren't much different from our more barbaric progenitors. That is, he wanted to show that if those things were entertaining then, they would be now - and, judging by the audience's laughter, they were.Despite dropping Cluster F Bombs a lot, he was a very erudite man, who would peruse the media and the Internet for ideas for his comedy, even encouraging people to do the same for their own cultural and educational benefit. Combined with his disgust for the over insulation of our society from the harshness of reality and its own paranoias over its most minor social issues, one could possibly take his Refuge in Audacity/vulgarity laden humor as an attempt to broaden social awareness.He also changed the FCC's rules on obscenity. After the "Seven Dirty Words You Can Never Say on Television" routine, it's amusing to note that the FCC has more or less modified its policies towards the times when obscenity can be put on the airwaves and what is considered child unsafe around the time of this skit. He is also indirectly responsible for Pay-per-View, which was the logical conclusion on making audiences of obscene content self selective.In his later years, he became more caustic and crude (partially due to relaxed social standards and partially due to age), and he struggled repeatedly with alcohol and vicodin addictions.In 2008, he died of heart failure. He was given several awards both during his life and posthumously for his contributions to comedy.A Sortofbiography (obviously written before his death) of Carlin was released on November 10th, 2009, which Carlin wrote with the assistance of Tony Hendra, one of the original writers of the National Lampoon magazine. After Carlin's death, Hendra approached the late comedian's family with his plans for the book. The audio version was narrated by George's brother Patrick, who is an author himself, and sounds so much like George, it's scary.As he was well-known for his great writing, expect to find many quotes taken directly from the man himself (and many that weren't).His works have their own YMMV page.
Abusive Parents: His father. Though his mother left before he could lay any abuse on George, his mother and older brother Patrick got the brunt of it.
Acceptable Targets: invoked Plenty, but mainly Organised Religion and the American government.
He was famous for considering everything an Acceptable Target. In the intro to Brain Droppings, one of his books, he says that he hates every single Group, religion (except for the music) and ideal in the world; the fact that he tends to have more material on one or another is simply a factor of that one group making itself more of a target.
George Carlin: Your birth certificate is proof of guilt!
Apparently praying to anyone answered 50% of his prayers. So it is either this trope, or he spent a lot of time praying for things like 'land on tails'.
In one routine, he says something to the order of, "look at how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that!"
In fairness, the word "average" in ordinary language is ambiguous: it usually means "mean," but it could mean "median," in which case he would be correct, assuming that the median human being is in fact kinda stupid. On the other hand, the stupidity of the median human being is another question entirely.
Well, half of the population is more stupid than the median, regardless of just how stupid that is.
Except for some rare occasions where the median is also the mode. At any rate, the mean below the median can be much closer to the median, than the mean above the median, in which case, the stupid half is not all that stupid. Usually in life, like in my high school chemistry class, there's one lazy screw-up at the bottom of the curve.
Also went after white guys who shaved their heads. "If you wanna be bald, do what I did: wait a while!"
Batter Up: He once implicitly threatened to bash his daughter's abusive boyfriend's head in with a bat.
This is also how he claims Joe Pesci solved his problem regarding a neighbor's noisy dog, thus doing a better job than God in the problem-solving department.
Beam Me Up, Scotty!: A few "George Carlin Quotes" lists and a "New Rules for Hurricane Katrina" chain e-mail have been making their way around the Internet for some time now. None of them are actually written by George. This got so bad that George had to put up a disclaimer on his website that he wasn't the one who wrote them.
With the current (as of 2013) popularity of Facebook, many quotes that he might not have said are added to pictures of him and shared throughout the website.
“It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.” You know that one, eh? Every time you see a story about a Serial Killer on TV, what do they do? They bring on the neighbor. And the neighbor says, “Well, he was always very quiet”. And someone in the room says, “It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch”. This sounds to me like a very dangerous assumption. I’ll bet you anything that while you’re watching a quiet one, a noisy one will fucking kill you! Suppose you’re in a bar and one guy’s sitting over the side, reading a book, not bothering anybody, and another guy is standing on the front with a machete, banging on the bar, screaming, “I’ll kill the next motherfucker who comes in here!” Who are you going to watch? You’re goddamn right.
Black Comedy: A master. Arguably one of the best examples is his material on suicide in Life is Worth Losing, where he monologues as though he were planning to kill himself and discussed when, where and how to do it—and it was hilarious. The suicide note for example.
"'To whom it may concern'...eh, sounds kinda impersonal...'Dear Marzele'...nah, leaves out the kids. I know! 'Hey guys, guess what? Keep on readin'! How are you? I hope you are fine. I am not fine, as you can no doubt tell by me hanging here from the ceiling fixture. You were the ones who drove me to this. I was doin' just fine until you fuckers came along. I hope you're happy now that I'm goddamn dead. Signed, the corpse in this room. P.S.—fuck you people!'"
Say you can't joke about something because it's not funny. Comedians run into that shit all the time. Like rape. They'll say, "You can't joke about rape. Rape's not funny." I say, "Fuck you, I think it's hilarious! How do you like that?" I can prove to you that rape is funny. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd! Well, why do you think they call him Porky?. I know what you're going to say. "Elmer was asking for it. Elmer was coming on to Porky. Porky couldn't help himself, he got a hard-on, he got horny, he lost control, he went out of his mind." [...] Don't seem fair to me. Don't seem fair at all...but you can joke about it. I believe you can joke about anything. It all depends on how you construct the joke. [...] These are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools.
George Carlin: Man... men...males have pushed the technology that just about has this planet in a stranglehold. Mother Earth, raped again. Guess who. "Hey, she was asking for it."
Another bit: "There's a rape every six minutes in this country. And boy is my dick sore! I'm tellin' ya, every day, house to house. There's no let-up. It's a fuckin' hassle."
Blah Blah Blah: George's shorthand for saying "this person is talking shit".
Berserk Button: Many things, but chief among them were idiocy and ignorance, which would often lead to seemingly Unstoppable Rage directed towards the world around him. Some of his most enduring material comes from those moments. He also didn't take heckling well.
"WELL, I GET PISSED, GOD DAMN IT!!!"
One of his routines was devoted entirely to telling a heckler off, in the most jaw droppingly brutal way possible.
"So fuck you and your sister and your wife, if you got a kid, I hope your fucking kid dies in a car fire! How do you like that, you stupid cocksucker?! Shut the fuck up and get the fuck outta here!" Do notfuck with Carlin.
When he was fired from Las Vegas after saying "ass" and "shit" in front of a crowd full of golfers, he developed a lifelong hatred for golf. Generally punctuated by "Have you ever watched golf on TV? It's like watching flies fuck." It culminated in the "Golf Courses for the Homeless" routine, wherein he suggests using the land on golf courses for low-cost housing.
He touched on this in his "Dirty Words" routine (not to be confused with the "7 Words" - they're different bits). "I once got thrown out of a hotel in Vegas for saying the word 'shit', in a town where one of the most popular games is called craps. ...Never made sense to me."
Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Followed by Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking in "Stuff": "Now you just bring the things you know you're gonna need: Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pens, cigarettes, contraceptives, Vaseline, whips, chains, whistles, dildos, and a book!"
Breakup Breakout: Though Jack Burns did have a successful career post-split, Carlin went into legend territory.
Brick Joke: An uncommon but funny occurrence. In an early skit, two sisters were to be reunited on a Truth or Consequences-type skit, but "you blew the question so we sent your sister back to Maine!" Then later that sister appeared on a Queen for a Day-like show and referenced the first skit.
And demonstrating just how truly awesome the man was, he accomplished this posthumously, with a little help from NPR of all places. One of Carlin's routines was about the appropriate time to remove someone's name from your address book after they've died, with it coming out to six months. Six months after he dies, cue a short NPR story on the routine... and a final farewell.
The guy in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and the "Fuck you!" hat from the "flying on the airlines" routine.
After his Rape as Comedy skit (seen below), he goes into a rant on feminism, though he agrees with feminism on its basic point on how men have systematically abused women and pretty much everything else: "Mother Earth, raped again. 'Hey, she was askin' for it.'"
Brooklyn Rage: Grew up in "White Harlem" which was called such because it sounded cooler than Morningside Heights. He also mentioned his "New York credentials" on Complaints and Grievances:
"I was born on this island, Manhattan Island, therefore I was born in New York City, New York county, and New York state. City, county, and state. And on top of that, I was born in New York Hospital...but here's the thing most of you don't know. Know where I was conceived? Rockaway Beach."
Calling Your Bathroom Breaks: He has a bit about how embarrassing it would be to have your fiance do this at a dinner party, and wonders just what drives people to do it.
Cloudcuckoolander: Though more present in his earlier stand-ups up to the 80's. It gets overshadowed by his increasingly abrasive persona. Though even then he encourages parents allow kids today to be more like this trope by daydreaming instead of giving an abundance of after-school activities.
Captain Ersatz: Carlin from the 90's on became the epitome of the "angry comic". In The Simpsons, when Krusty became one, he adopted the same ponytail and attitude as Carlin.
Cerebus Syndrome: His act from the 1970s and early 1980s was much Lighter and Softer — less angry, a bit less vulgar, and certainly less political — than his act from about '87 on.
"Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits."
His skit on how fuck has changed:
Fuck you. Fuck you, you Fuck. Fuck you, you Fuck; who the Fuck do you think you're Fucking with? Some kind of Fuckhead? Fuck you. Who the Fuck you think you're Fucking with, me? Don't Fuck with me! I will Fuck you over. You Fuck with me, you will get Fucked, you Fuck! Don't Fuck with me; I'm the Fucker! Don't Fuck with the Fucker!"
One of this classic bits was exchanging "kill" with "fuck" in "Again".
If we just change fucking for killing for about a year, that's all. Imagine it. Sure would be fun watching TV during that time, huh? "Better get down off the horse, Sheriff, we're fixing to fuck you now. But we're gonna fuck ya SLOW"... "Mad fucker still on the loose." "Not anymore, he's made his first big mistake, my friend, he fucked a cop today. That makes him a cop fucker." ... "Pardon me, boys, my horse broke his leg. I'm gonna have to fuck him. I'll be right back." "STOP ME BEFORE I FUCK AGAIN!!" "Fuck the ump, fuck the ump!" "Easy on the exhaust, Ed, you'll fuck the engine."
Creepy Monotone: Often part of his punchline delivery, especially in the early years. On one of his albums the audience actually jumps (some of them, anyway) at the way he says the word "beard", and he works it into the routine.
He himself all but invoked this trope word for word: "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn, and cross it deliberately."
George Carlin: Want to piss off a feminist? Call her a cum-catcher, that'll get her attention!
George Carlin: Oh, don't act disgusted! Don't act disgusted! Half of you are gonna go home and go down on each other tonight, remember? If you're willing to swallow cum, let's not make believe that something I said was disgusting!
During his "Capital Punishment" routine:
Instead of an axe, you do the beheadings with a handsaw! (Audience groans) Hey, don't bail out on me now, goddammit! The blood is already on our hands; all we're talking about is a matter of degree!
Cultural Cringe: This American man had no love at all for the worst behaviors of Americans. He still said he loved America, and wouldn't have it any other place or time. I suppose he just liked his first-row ticket to a fairly busy act of the human freak show.
Dude, Not Funny!: Invoked. The man made a career of subverting this. For example, proving that rape could be funny by introducing us to the mental image of Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. Either the sheer absurdity of the idea makes you laugh, or your childhood memories will be shattered.
Carlin: As long as I'm being a complete pig up here, let me ask you guys a question. Are you ever able to watch a woman eating a banana and NOT think about a blowjob? I can't do it. And I know why: I'm a sick, evil fuck! I admit that! I can't do it! Eating a banana, eating a pickle, licking on an ice cream cone. I'm thinking to myself "LOOK AT THE TONGUE ON HER! WOW!" So ladies, be careful when you're standing out in front of that Häagen-Dazs. 'Cause God damn it, we're watching. And God damn it, we're thinking!
Erudite Stoner: Carlin was very intelligent and said lots of interesting bits of wisdom, but there's no doubt as to what some of his hobbies included.
Blatantly exposed in his ''Last Words' autobiography, where it's pretty much stated that whilst pot potentially helped his career and partially fashioned him into the comic he'd become famous as, there were some terrible downsides.
"Americans love to eat. They are fatally attracted to the slow-death of fast food. Hot dogs, corn dogs, triple bacon cheeseburgers, deep-fried, butter-dipped in pork fat and cheese-whiz, mayonnaise, soaked barbecue, mozzarella patty melts. Americans will eat anything. Anything. ANYTHING. Shit, if you were selling fried raccoons assholes on a stick, Americans would buy them and eat them! Especially if you were to dip them in butter and put a little salsa on them!"
Fan Nickname: "Old Fuck", posthumously, since in It's Bad For Ya, Carlin expressed his desire to be known as that. ("Who's the old fuck?" "That's Georgie, the old fuck.")
Fighting Irish: He was of Irish descent and joked that He was an Irish catholic until "He reached the age of reason".
"I used to be Irish Catholic, now I'm an American. You know, you grow..."
For the Evulz: When talking about the Catholic doctrine of sins of intention in one of his stand-ups, notably.
"You could wake up one morning and say to yourself, 'I think I'm going to go down to 27th street today and commit myself a mortal sin!' Save the bus-fare, man! You did it!"
"Isn't there a part of you that, deep down, just hopes everything gets worse?"
Fridge Logic: invoked Or as he calls it in Carlin On Campus — "These are the kinds of things I think of when I'm home alone and the television is broken."
"In restaurants where they serve frog's legs...what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see frog torsos on the menu, they throw them away! Could you imagine a barrel full of frog bodies?"
"If you're going to have a rain dance, wouldn't you have to have rain dance practice? And what I'm wondering is, does it rain during practice? Because if it doesn't, how do you know if you have it right? And if it does, why bother with the dance in the first place? Need a little water? Call practice!"
"We have flamethrowers, and what this indicates to me is that at some point someone said to himself "Gee, I'd sure like to set those people on fire over there, but I'm way too far away to get the job done. If only I had something to throw flame on them". And it might have ended there but he mentioned it to his friend, his friend who was good with tools, heh, and about a month later he came back, "Hey, quite a concept!" FWOOOSH."
And don't even get him started on airports.
Fuck Politeness, I'm an Old Fuck!: To paraphrase from It's Bad For Ya: advantages of getting old include being able to chalk up any mental slip to old age, ability to get out of social obligations by claiming to be tired, never having to carry one's bags again.
The first one is, you never have to carry anything heavy ever again. Everybody wants to help an old fuck. If you've got a big suitcase, or something like that, you know, you just kind of go like this a little bit... And you say "Yeah, can you help me with this?" They say "Yeah, hey, how far are you going?" "Indianapolis." Another nice thing about getting old is you can leave any social event early just by saying you're tired. Works great with family members. Just turn to the person next to you and you say "Gee, I'm getting tired, y'know?" "Oh, you're tired? Come on, grandpa's tired, grandpa's going to bed." And someone else says "But it's seven thirty in the morning!" There's always one asshole in the family. But the best thing about getting old is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things! "But it was your daughter's funeral!" "I forgot!" You can even make believe you have Alzheimer's Disease! That's a lot of fun. You look around the dining room table and you say "Who are you people and where is my horse?" Then you stare at your eldest son and say "Agnes! I haven't seen you since First Communion!" Fucks them up! They don't know how to handle it. Takes 'em a week to get over that shit. And they start listening to you a lot more from then on. So don't be afraid to get old. It's a great time of life. You get to take advantage of people, and you're not responsible for anything. You can even shit in your pants! They expect it! I haven't tried that yet, but I don't rule it out! I'm keeping my options open. Everything is on the table. [Beat] Perhaps that's notthe figure of speech I wanted.
"The farmer was telling Mavis just what she could do with her train."
Girl on Girl Is Hot: From the part about tollbooths in the section "New Jersey and License Plates" in "More Stuff About Cars and Driving" from his 1988 album What Am I Doing In New Jersey?:
"Tell them, 'I don't have any change, I spent all my money on pussy and beer.' That'll wake 'em up. Especially if you're a woman!"
Glurge: invoked Absolutely hated this kind of sentiment and was very pissed in later years when a number of saccharine online essays were being attributed to him, some of which even lamented the decline of prayer in American culture. This makes one wonder if said attributors even knew who Carlin was.
A Good Name for a Rock Band: In one of his books he provided a whole list of these, among them "Warts, Waffles, and Walter", and best of all, "The Stillborn".
Grammar Nazi: Well, really more of an entire language Nazi, really.
Carlin himself was an avid scholar of etymology. Most of his humor came from understanding words. He was also fascinated (and angry) about using technical terminology to "soften" language. One of his most famous bits was about "shell shock":
"I don't like words that hide the truth. I don't like words that conceal reality. I don't like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. And American English is loaded with euphemisms. 'Cause Americans have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. Americans have trouble facing the truth, so they invent a kind of a soft language to protect themselves from it, and it gets worse with every generation. For some reason, it just keeps getting worse. I'll give you an example of that. There's a condition in combat. Most people know about it. It's when a fighting person's nervous system has been stressed to its absolute peak and maximum. Can't take anymore input. The nervous system has either (click) snapped or is about to snap. In the First World War, that condition was called shell shock. Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables, shell shock. Almost sounds like the guns themselves. That was seventy years ago. Then a whole generation went by and the Second World War came along and very same combat condition was called battle fatigue. Four syllables now. Takes a little longer to say. Doesn't seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a nicer word than shock. Shell shock! Battle fatigue. Then we had the war in Korea, 1950. Madison Avenue was riding high by that time, and the very same combat condition was called operational exhaustion. Hey, we're up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been squeezed completely out of the phrase. It's totally sterile now. Operational exhaustion. Sounds like something that might happen to your car. Then of course, came the war in Vietnam, which has only been over for about sixteen or seventeen years, and thanks to the lies and deceits surrounding that war, I guess it's no surprise that the very same condition was called post-traumatic stress disorder. Still eight syllables, but we've added a hyphen! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I'll bet you if we'd have still been calling it shell shock, some of those Vietnam veterans might have gotten the attention they needed at the time. I'll betcha that. I'll betcha."
Groin Attack: He once said that "groin" is the sound people make when they get struck in that area.
Growing The Ponytail: invoked Carlin himself considered in his two specials, '90's "Doin' It Again" and '92's "Jammin' In New York" to be this, as he felt these were the first special where his material really clicked and he truly connected with the audience. Leading up to this his skits were relying less on character-based comedy and more on jokes about society and the misuse of language. Afterwards his material became much more cynical and dark compared to before.
Hair-Trigger Temper: His last few years, where his stage persona became increasingly bitter and even more hilarious. Surprisingly, he was a calm, patient and almost compassionate fellow in Real Life.
"Remember when we were in the sixth grade and we used to laugh at everything? 'And the cock crowed three times...' 'Hey! It's in the Bible!' Remember the first time you heard of a cockfight? 'No, it's not that, man!'"
Hidden Depths: Despite what people expect of a staunch atheist like Carlin, he knew the Bible backwards and forwards. His final lines in his final show It's Bad For Ya included Proverbs. He also acknowledged there was a chance that people might survive death in a non-corporeal form, but he doubted it.
Hilarious in Hindsight: Invoked. A big part of his material, though not as much in later shows, was to "remind you of things you already know, but forgot to laugh at the first time they happened".
George Carlin: We come from that northern European, basically the northern European genes, the blue eyes. Those blue eyes. Boy everybody in the world learned real quick, didn’t they? When those blue eyes sail out of the north, you better nail everything down. Nail it down, strap it down, or they’ll grab it. If they can’t take it home, they’ll burn it. If they can’t burn it, they’ll fuck it.
The language of comedy is fairly grim and violent. It's filled with punchlines, gags, and slapstick. After all, what does a comic worry about most? Dying. He doesn't want to die. 'Jees, I was dyin'. It was like death out there. Like a morgue. I really bombed.' Comics...want to go over with a bang. And be a real smash. And if everything works out, if they're successful and they make you laugh, they can say, 'I killed 'em. I slaughtered those people, I knocked them dead.' And what phrases do we use when we talk about the comic? 'He's a riot.' 'A real scream.' 'A rib-splitting knee-slapper.' 'My sides hurt.' 'My cheeks ache.' 'He broke me up, cracked me up, slayed me, fractured me, and had me in stitches.' 'I busted a gut.' 'I get a real kick out of that guy.' 'Laugh? I thought I'd die.'"
Hypocritical Humor: Often within the same skit, done deliberately to highlight both sides of an argument.
"I've got an idea for the perfect name for a gay bar: 'The Mouthful.' Isn't that great? It's a double pun! Well god damn it, YOU didn't think of it! Even if you're not gay, step inside...have a cocktail! Or a high ball!"
The Irish Diaspora: Averted. Carlin is Irish (formerly Irish Catholic, but he gave up being Catholic at age 3), and revels in it.
It's A Small Net After All: Subverted. Unlike most people of his age, George was a big advocate of computers as a more efficient way of storing information, including composing his own material on them and using the internet for research. His later television specials even namecheck popular sites.
On the other hand, one of his "short takes" from his book Brain Droppings says that when people ask him if he has an e-mail address, he tells them firstname.lastname@example.org/upyourass, and this seems never to fail to get the point across to them.
Jade-Colored Glasses: While he was always crude and had fun poking at cultural taboos for satire, it was fairly light-hearted at first, then his material became much darker as his career continued.
Jerkass Façade & Jerk with a Heart of Gold: See Jerkass Woobie (under YMMV) and Happily Married. And there was also the time when he met a young fan of Shining Time Station at an airport, and rather than disillusion him by telling him that Mr. Conductor didn't exist, he patiently explained that he was "on vacation" from the magical island. He also genuinely loved his wife, Brenda, and felt a lot of guilt about how he acted during most of his daughter's childhood.
Knuckle Cracking: Demonstrated in "Class Clown"; he mentions that it was a good way to gross out the girls in his class.
Large Ham: When confronting some of his soapbox issues especially.
[about traffic accidents]: Well of course they're hurt - LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD! You just ran over them with a ton and a half of STEEL!!!
[about why men go to war - The Bigger Dick Theory]: What? They have bigger dicks? BOMB THEM!!!
[about God]: He loves you... he loves you and He NEEDS MONEY!!! He ALWAYS NEEDS MONEY!
[about life support]: I hate that macho bullshit posturing. 'If I'm like a vegetable, pull the plug on me.' FUCK YOU, LEAVE MY PLUG ALONE!!! You get an extension cord for MY plug! ...Vegetable shit, I don't care if I look like an artichoke! SAAAAAAVE MY ass!
[about people who won't shut up] You're searching through your mind for something diplomatic and tactful and graceful that you can say to help end the conversation, but all I can ever come up with is BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!!! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS... BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!!! [Note: In the video release, they replaced it with "SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!".]
Lighter and Softer: Contrasting two different things, like in his "Baseball vs. Football" sketch, to make one appear more wholesome.
Football is played in a stadium, often called a colliseum, on a gridiron. Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. Let's all go to the park!
There was also his famous role as Rufus in Bill And Teds Excellent Adventure and the sequel, where he was like this, compared to his other work. (He didn't cuss even once.)
"Another women's issue I don't get, prostitution, I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal? Why is it illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?"
Mean Character, Nice Actor: A classic case, as incredibly cynical, bitter and hateful his material got in the later years, he was a very nice and gentle man and led a pretty good life. He even admitted he relished the chance to get up onstage and rip society to shreds as a kind of shared catharsis with his audience, and in his autobiography states if he was anywhere near as bitter and misanthropic as his stage persona, he would have shot himself years ago.
Mind Screw: The opening of the appropriately named special Playin' With Your Head. In the opening skit, which is in black and white, Carlin plays Mike Holder, a man with an unspecified job who is delivered lunch by an unfamiliar delivery man. He ends up fleeing when the man turns out to be working with two other men implied to be former partners with Holder and now chasing him to steal an envelope in his possession. Arriving at the theater they try to talk him into handing the envelope over, but Holder declares they wouldn't know what to do with it, and walks through a door onto the stage ignoring their warnings. Suddenly he's in stage attire and it's in color, and Carlin does his stand-up. When he's done he goes back out, his clothing and the color change back, and he tears the envelope up to the sneers of the three men who leave while the stage staff applaud his performance. You guess is as good as ours as to what the hell was going on in the story of the skit, particularly the envelope since they never reveal what's inside.
There's a different group to get pissed off at you in this country for everything your not supposed to say. Can't say Nigger, Boogie, Jig, Jigaboo, Skinhead, Moolimoolinyon, Schvatzit, Junglebunny. Greaser, Greaseball, Dago, Guinea, Whop, Ginzo, Kike, Zebe, Heed, Yid, Mocky, Himie, Mick, Donkey, Turkey, Limey, Frog. Zip, Zipperhead, Squarehead, Kraut, Hiney, Jerry, Hun, Slope, Slopehead, Chink, Gook. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those words in and of themselves. They're only words. It's the context that counts. It's the user. It's the intention behind the words that makes them good or bad. The words are completely neutral. The words are innocent. I get tired of people talking about bad words and bad language. Bullshit! It's the context that makes them good or bad. The context. That makes them good or bad. For instance, you take the word "Nigger." There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word "Nigger" in and of itself. It's the racist asshole who's using it that you ought to be concerned about. We don't mind when Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy say it. Why? Because we know they're not racist. They're Niggers! Context. Context. We don't mind their context because we know they're black. Hey, I know I'm whitey, the blue-eyed devil, paddy, o-fay, gray boy, honkey mother-fucker myself. Don't bother my ass. They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth, like the fact that there's a bigot and a racist in every living room on every street corner in this country.
In another routine he says that if he had to pick what term he prefers people to use for whites it would be "blue-eyed devil" because it sounds so romantic and tangy.
Name One: "Name six ways we're better than chickens!" (Beat) "See, nobody can do it!"
Only Sane Fuck: He often came across as the only person intelligent enough not just to notice the serious problems with the world, but be able to articulate them in humorous ways.
Papa Wolf: As he recounted in Last Words, he learned that a boy was abusing his daughter and had gotten her pregnant. George ordered the boy's father to keep the boy away from his daughter. When the boy showed up again anyway, all George had to do was come out wielding a baseball bat before he got the message.
Pet the Dog: A recurring motif in his earlier routines was that he loved dogs, and he often made cracks about how much fun they could be, as well as stories about his own dog, Tippy.
Phallic Weapon: From "Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf," from 1992's Jammin' in New York:
To me, war is a whole lot of prick-waving, okay? Simple thing, that's all it is—war is a whole lotta men standing out in a field, waving their pricks at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. [...] You don't have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the "bigger dick" foreign policy theory at work. It sounds like this: "What? They have bigger dicks? BOMB THEM!!" And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs. It's called FUCKING WITH PEOPLE!!!
Planet of Hats: One of Carlin's bits. His desire: making a religion that was hats optional, seeing as the rules on the subject made no sense from religion to religion.
Retirony: The last chapter of his autobiography indicated that he had enough notes to write a Broadway play or musical based on his life, entitled "New York Boy". Unfortunately, his autobiography was released posthumously.
Running Gag: Well, not so much 'gag' as he tended toward stock phrases for some of his specials to punctuate his jokes.
"...and that seems to hold 'em for about a half an hour."
"...I sense I've gone too far."
"Well, some people need practical advice!"
"WELL I GET PISSED GODDAMMIT!"
Russian Reversal: Some of the biggest laughs from his 1970s albums came from simply inverting the words in a phrase.
(From Seven Dirty Words, talking about words that are only dirty some of the time) "Prick. It's okay to say if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick."
"People say they tell time. But you don't tell time, time tells you."
"[The airport security people] know you're not a security risk because you've answered The Three Big Questions. Question #1: 'Did you pack your bags yourself?' (Beat) No. Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to my house last night, fixed me a lovely lobster Newberg, massaged me in sacred oils from India, performed a four-way 'around the world' and then they packed my bags. Next question: 'Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?' No. Usually the night before I travel—just as the moon is rising—I go to a street corner downtown and I leave them there, unattended, for several hours. Just for good luck. Next question: 'Has any unknown person asked you to bring anything onboard?' Hmmm...well, what exactly is an 'unknown person'? Surely everyone is known to someone! In fact, just earlier today Kareem and Yusef ali-bin-Gaba got to know each other pretty well! They kept making jokes about which one of my bags was the heaviest."
Scenery Porn: George had some impressively elaborate stage sets throughout his standup career, though interestingly he never really used prop comedy.
That Came Out Wrong: But he was always witty enough to run with it, improvise a joke out of his mistakes. Quite possibly the best example, from It's Bad For Ya, when talking about the perks of getting old:
You can even shit your pants! Haven't tried it yet...but I don't rule it out! I'm keeping my options open. Everything is on the table! [beat] ... Perhaps that's not the figure of speech I wanted...
On violent human behavior:
Jeffrey Dahmer never thought of this shit, did he? Jeffrey Dahmer, eat your heart out! ... which is an interesting thought in and of itself...
From Playing with Your Head:
So I took the earring out and my hole grew over. (Beat) My earring hole. Hey. Hey! My asshole didn't grow over. What are you, crazy? Get out of here! No, your asshole grows over, you may as well check straight into a cemetery. 'Cause you're going to spend a lot of time walking around the beach wondering why you're getting larger all of a sudden.
Drop The Cow: In Complaints and Grievances, he decided to change the subject when he sensed one of his routines was going south fast. He realised that having many sketches ready to go to avoid corpsing onstage is an important part of being a comedian.
"I... sense I've gone too far. So I'll quit while I'm ahead..."
Troll: "Keeping People Alert," from 1988's What Am I Doing in New Jersey?, is a collection of absurd suggestions of ways to keep people on their toes. "Or just walk up to somebody in the street and say, 'Pardon me, I have nothing to say!'" is just the beginning.
Viewers Are Morons: Most of his comedy was very erudite, but he did like pointing out ignorance sometimes even within his own audience.
Vulgar Humor: He once Deconstructed the anatomy of his jokes and said that one or both of these tropes were parts of the necessary exaggeration that made the jokes funny rather than just shocking. Knowing just how far to push was his speciality.
Wham Line: In Doin' It Again, he has a minute and a half rant that demonstrates how "soft" language has gotten, in which he explains a combat condition that was called "Shell Shock" has been renamed "Battle Fatigue", then "Operational Exhaustion", and finally "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder". An audible murmur ripples through the crowd at that point when they suddenly realize what he's been talking about.
You Bastard: Was not afraid to slam on various groups and interests he hated, and would actually tell his audience the comedic equivalent to this if they actually were this. Most of the audience lapped it up, even if THEY were the target.