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Quotes / Swiss Cheese Security

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Kaiba: These guys are my elite KaibaCorp security agents.
Joey: Yeah, great security, Kaiba. We just walked through the front door, no problem.
Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, Episode 39: "Card Games at 20,000 Feet"

Colin: I found him in the Oval Office. There didn't seem to be much security around; I just walked right in.

Lawson: Aren't you going to ask how I got in here?
Angel: No, you'd be amazed at how many people break into this building on a regular basis.
Lawson: (mock despair) But I had a whole bit planned! About how "I was always good with technology", and "you of all people should know that"?
Angel: Yeah. Sorry. This place might as well be a bus station.
— "Why We Fight", Angel

Care to explain how our security was penetrated by a child?
Captain Black, Jackie Chan Adventures

Felicity: How did you get in here?
Thea: My dad's a supervillain and you left your door unlocked.

Caitlin: What's wrong with STAR Labs?
Oliver: Well, I mean, absolutely nothing if you forget about the revolving door you guys installed so the bad guys can come and go as they please.
Caitlin: Remind me again what happened to your old lair? Or the one before that?
Felicity: Well, lair number one was compromised by the police, and...
Oliver: [death glare]
Felicity: ...And I will stop helping.

Barry: How did you get in here?
Felicity: I literally just walked right in. You guys don't have any alarms or anything. You might want to consider something, anything at all.

Kaladin: The guards let you in?
Hoid: Technically? Yes.

Janeway: What I want to know, Mister Tuvok, is how he was able to get a shuttlecraft off this ship without either of us knowing about it.
Tuvok: Apparently he was able to override the lockout command.
Janeway: I guess Seska's not the only one who knows how to compromise our security systems.
Tuvok: I assure you it will not happen again.note 
Star Trek: Voyager, "Maneuvers"

"Needless to say, as is always the case in these situations, the holodeck safeties are off, communications are dead, Level Ten forcefields have been erected around our position, helm control has been compromised, Voyager's main processor will no longer accept Janeway's command access codes, and the replicators will only produce lukewarm coffee!"
It Was Your Blood, Part Spoof, a Star Trek: Voyager fanfic.

Annika-709 entered holding an electronic clipboard. "Doctor Zarkendorf, I have completed my review of your security measures. They are inefficient. Your guards wear tinted visors and 'one-size-fits-all' outfits, enabling them to be easily impersonated by an infiltrator in a stolen uniform. Their helmets have no peripheral vision and interfere with the aiming of firearms. You continue to use officers of proven stupidity in order to boost your already inflated ego. Your slave girls are emotionally frivolous and likely to be swayed in their loyalties by a handsome adversary. Passageways are poorly lit and have numerous crannies for cover and concealment. The ventilation ducts are wide enough for Jabba the Hut to crawl through. Your intruder detection system is tripped by laser beams that can be seen by the naked eye and evaded by a sensual contortionist in a skintight leotard. I have located one hundred and forty-seven concealed access tunnels you seem unaware of. Your computers use easily-guessed passwords and an operating system that is mysteriously compatible with that of every hacker on the planet. The self-destruct system is activated by a highly-visible red button. And what possible reason could you have for a self-destruct system in the first place?"
Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space, a Captain Proton fanfic.

Mook: (via intercom) No sign of the intruder, Mr Adams.
Adams: That's because he's sitting in front of me in the safe room, jack-off!

(Wonder Woman casually strolls into the Batcave)
Bruce Wayne: You know, I spent millions on this buildings' security.
Diana Prince: Yeah, it sure looked expensive.


We're so close, Secret Service. We're so close to letting a black President serve out two terms without anyone killing him, which would be a huge accomplishment for America in general, and you are FUCKING IT ALL UP by letting any crazy person with a gun or knife stand right next to Obama in an elevator for eight minutes. You assholes still have two years left!
Drew Magary, Make It Stop

Yahtzee: "I'd like a room for tonight, please! Just for one night, at this hotel, where this rich rock star is staying."
Gabriel: "Hi, I'd like to learn to take off and fly a plane? Don't need to worry about landing."
Yahtzee: Now, the interior of Channel 6 studios is surprisingly insecure...
Gabriel: Well, I mean, y'know. They have that impenetrable wall of 'boom gate and 60-year-old unarmed man behind not-bulletproof-or-plasma-proof glass.' Why would you need security inside after that?
Let's Play Dreamweb

The bad guy has no difficulty getting a nuclear submarine, because it’s simply something no villain should be without.

Shinji and his pals get a trip onto a fleet of ships. Now, Shinji I understand, being as he's the one who can pilot the EVA... But his school chums allowed into a top-secret paramilitary unit just to fool around? No wonder we won WWII.

Sisko: [reading aloud] He says you're "an incompetent buffoon whose approach to criminal investigation combines the brains of a concussed ox with the fortitude of a baby trying to re-wire a fuse box."
Worf: Sir, I—
Sisko: "It's a wonder there's a piece of equipment still bolted to the floor of the Enterprise that wasn't hauled off, as Worf is so dim-witted, a thief dressed entirely in bells could steal his uniform while he was still wearing it."
Worf: ...If I could just expla—
Sisko: He says that for you, "a Pakled wielding a pipe might as well be The Riddler."
SFDebris on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Hippocratic Oath"

Yes, that's right, his security has failed yet again to stop someone from coming through the doors.

You know, Lex, I'd just buy some automated turrets that shoot at anything that goes beyond the gates. Spider Jerusalem style. Have a sign: 'Warning. Unauthorized access means fragging. Please press the button.' That's what I'd do, if it were my billions.
Neal bailey on Smallville ("Lockdown")

Clark really needs to install a security system on the farm. You know those robots he has in the Fortress in the comics? He needs to have them on this show and move them to the farm, right now. How many times has the farm been crashed? Lex practically lived there, Doomsday fell through the roof, I think Tess might actually have a key and every Kryptonian that visits the planet has valet parking at Chez Kent built into their travel package. Clark, I say this with all the love in the world, get better locks.
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Escape"


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