Quotes / MST3K Mantra

Fiction

If you're wondering how [Joel/Mike/Jonah] eats and breathes
And other science facts (la-la-la),
Just repeat to yourself 'It's just a show,
I should really just relax.'

— Mystery Science Theater 3000, the Trope Namer

"If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends."

— Puck, last lines of A Midsummer Night's Dream

"I guess you have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself."

— Caveman, Holes

"Relax kid, it's just a movie."

—Ham Salad, Hardware Wars

Austin Powers: Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go back and visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveled back to — oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil Exposition: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself. [Looks at the camera] That goes for you all, too.

— Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Matt Burch: Well, first you have to explain how the crew of a Corvette could storm a cruiser...
AndrewWelc: Matt, it's a game, we don't have to explain everything! :)
Matt Burch: Oh yeah. :)

— Escape Velocity, "EV - A Blast From the Past (portions of an AOL chat room log)"^note The game also contains parodies of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Theme Tune.

"You know, if you're going to let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a very long night!"

— Prince Naveen, The Princess and the Frog

Bolin: Wait! You like that? It didn't make any sense! [...] Stars are magic fairy dust? Are you guys crazy? Are you crazy?
Baraz: It's just a mover. Don't over-think it. It's like a ride.
Varrick: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, kid!

— The Legend of Korra, "Remembrances"

Cornelius Timberlake: I actually dream of a day when my great-great-grandson will bring sexy back.

Bobby Moynihan: Bring sexy back? What does that mean?

Cornelius Timberlake: It'll be gone, and he’ll bring it back.

Will Forte: Where did it go?

Cornelius Timberlake: Just trust me, people will be on board!

— Saturday Night Live, "Immigrant Tale"

"But it doesn't make sense," Connie insisted. "Pearls aren't stones, they're hardened secretions created by mollusks. Humans only consider them gems because we think they're pretty. How could Gems have a type that can only be formed biologically?"

"Well, there's a simple explanation for that, Connie," Pearl said, projecting her holoscreen and writing, in neat letters:

"Shut the hell up, Connie"

—badficniverse, "Garnet’s not really a garnet; you have a problem with her too?"

Fillmore: Where are these Winter Olympics?

Hawthorne: The Mid-Atlantic Ridge. The longest mountain range in the world, and it just happens to be underwater.

Fillmore: But how can there be snow?

Hawthorne: You need to believe in the magic of comic strips.

Fillmore: Is a hermit crab with no shell part of the magic?

Hawthorne: The BEST part.

— Sherman's Lagoon

"Oh, and for any of you continuity police out there, sometimes I just like to imagine myself back on the island in my Arrow costume, okay?"

—Green Arrow, Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham Arrow DLC

"And none of this is canon, so just relax."

—The Opening Crawl, Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars

Mr. Reynolds: That cardboard headstone tipped over! This graveyard is obviously phony.

Ed Wood: Nobody will ever notice that. Filmmaking is not about the tiny details–it's about the big picture!

— Ed Wood

"Don't try to understand it. Feel it."

— Barbara telling the the Protagonist (and the audience) not to bother trying to figure out Inversion, Tenet

"Look, it’s just monkeys singing songs, mate. Don’t think too hard about it."

— Bandit to Bluey regarding the movie they're watching, Bluey, "Movies"

Hack: So? How were the comics?
Britz: They were somewhat confusing.
Hack: They were? Always seemed pretty clear to me!
Britz: You recall when the Doctor invented that tiny radio, right?
Hack: Yeah! Wish I had one just like it!
Britz: But no one could ever make anything like that, right? It's impossible.
Hack: Well, yeah, but this is just a comic. It's not a true story.
Britz: Even if you could build a radio that small, wouldn't the army come in and force the Doctor to work for them?
Hack: Maybe, but there aren't any soldiers or anything in the comic…
Britz: None? Then how do they defend their countries from attack?
Hack: You're even more serious about stuff than I thought.
Britz: Am I?

— Fuga: Melodies of Steel 2

"At least one of our xenogeologists quit in a rage when research started on this region. Instead of having conventional polar ice caps, and in violation of all physical laws we know of, the continental plates of Hoxxes rest on top of a planetwide permafrost layer several miles deep. As always, DRG recommends a "don't ask" approach when dealing with the peculiarities of Hoxxes' makeup."

— Glacial Strata description, Deep Rock Galactic

Real Life

"It's only a movie, and after all, we're all grossly overpaid."

— Alfred Hitchcock

"Calm down, it's only wrestling."

— Cyrus, ECW

"If you need the security a strong continuity provides, you may not want to seek psychological security in Star Wars, Star Trek, or any other science fiction series (or computer game continuity). There's holes, gaps, and other problems — my suggestion to you would be to just try to relax a little and enjoy the escapism. When escapism becomes work, an obssession [sic], or is just stressing you out in general, then it's not doing its job and you need to take a step back and take a breather."

— Chris Avellone

"The Indiana Jones movies are all entitled to some dumb moments. They recapture the spirit of the old adventure films that came out during The Great Depression and World War II. Audiences were looking to escape the real world and forget about their troubles. And that's what movies are all about: entertainment. But today, audiences are far more critical, have less imagination, and aren't as willing to suspend their disbelief; and that is the death of cinema."

— James Rolfe, Cinemassacre's "Top 10 Dumbest Indiana Jones Moments"

Gregg Easterbrook: In the Lord of the Rings movies and their endless spinoffs, everybody's fighting over a magical ring. In Guardians of the Galaxy — No. 1 movie of 2014 by U.S. gross — everybody's fighting over a magical stone. Finding and possessing a small mystical object is the MacGuffin of many box-office smash flicks. OK, they are movies. But how many times in the real world has a single small object controlled the fates of millions?
Drew Magary: Never! Totally ruined the movies for me. And to think, I cared about this magic 'ring' when no such magic rings occur in nature! And that spaceship in Close Encounters! How many times have YOU seen a spaceship in real life? Laughable... I'm gonna hire someone to do their taxes on fucking camera and then send it to Gregggggg for his approval. It'll be his favorite movie ever. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PENIS.

— Drew Magary, "Gregg Easterbrook Is a Haughty Dipshit"

"Smallville is really a show that demands lubrication to go down smooth."

— Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Abandoned")

"So, a recent strip involving Davan explaining how condoms work to my alternate persona with a banana upset some readers... because it was 'unrealistic' for a cat to use a condom. Seriously? This comic involves a jelly cat, subterranean alligators and a core cast that should have been arrested several times over for assault and THAT'S bothering people? Of course that's not realistic! This is a comic."

— Choo-Choo Bear II , Something*Positive

"It's a fanfiction. A parody fanfiction. Just relax. Try not to think about it too hard."

— Author's note in Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way vs. Canon

"Science has an explanation for everything. Unfortunately, movies do not."

— Doc Brown in a MAD parody of Back to the Future, in response to Marty pointing out a Plot Hole.

"I asked Michael why it was easier to train oil drillers to become astronauts than it was to train astronauts to become oil drillers, and he told me to shut the fuck up... so, uh, that was the end of that talk."

— From Ben Affleck's DVD Commentary for Armageddon (1998)

"'Was that real manure?' No, it wasn't. 'Was that real manure?' No! 'Was that real manure?' It's a movie! Stop asking me the question!"

— Thomas F. Wilson, "Biff's Question Song", about questions people ask him most frequently about Back to the Future.

"I've learned through experience not to question Disney logic. You will never get a satisfactory answer and you will only be left with confusion."

— Piper Curda when asked about a plot hole in I Didn't Do It.

"If you don't buy that, don't bother watching the show."

— Dean Cain, Lois & Clark DVD commentary track

“Adults...struggle desperately with fiction, demanding constantly that it conform to the rules of everyday life. Adults foolishly demand to know how Superman can possibly fly, or how Batman can possibly run a multibillion-dollar business empire during the day and fight crime at night, when the answer is obvious even to the smallest child: because it's not real.”

— Grant Morrison, Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes, Miraculous Mutants, and a Sun God from Smallville Can Teach Us About Being Human.

"These are questions you don't have to ask... Because wrestling. Isn't. Real."

— Max Landis, Wrestling Isn't Wrestling

"I have hired a panel of 10 to 12 physicists to analyze this problem, and they all say the same thing: 'It's a cartoon show, please leave me alone.'"

— TheRealJims, "Simpsons Mysteries - The Drinking Bird", on The Simpsons episode "King Size Homer"

Q. I noticed a mistake or inconsistency in one of your cartoons!! AHHH!
A. It was either done on purpose or it's just a cartoon and you probably shouldn't worry about it.

— Homestar Runner FAQ page

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